Why do you talk to your ex?

username890

If you are still talking to your ex-bf or ex-gf, what are the motives behind it?

Also, if you talk about your current relationship with him/her, how much do you tell him/her about your relationship?

MadYaker

I ride her.

holystungun9

She's got boobs.

username890

MadYaker wrote: »

I ride her.

So you are still together then

MadYaker

username890 wrote: »

So you are still together then

Absolutely not! I'm single.

Penny Tration

We realised we work better as friends so we're friends. We were together for over a year, but have been friends for three years since breaking up. He knows I'm in a relationship but I don't tell him much, just that it's going well, and we've chatted about the holiday myself and the bf are going on.

He tells me about the women he's sleeping with, in full detail, and I give him relationship advice when he needs it.

Works well. I don't generally stay friends with exes but I have a great friendship with this one. His current gf doesn't have an issue with it, my bf doesn't have an issue with it, so it's all good.

Sir Arthur Daley

Friends with benefits.

Ihatecuddles

We get on well. Its nice to chat to him the odd time.

Another ex texts me for the ride every few months, even though we're both in relationships now!

Smidge

mauzo! wrote: »

We get on well. Its nice to chat to him the odd time.

Another ex texts me for the ride every few months, even though we're both in relationships now!

And do you?

username890

green_screen wrote: »

We realised we work better as friends so we're friends. We were together for over a year, but have been friends for three years since breaking up. He knows I'm in a relationship but I don't tell him much, just that it's going well, and we've chatted about the holiday myself and the bf are going on.

He tells me about the women he's sleeping with, in full detail, and I give him relationship advice when he needs it.

Works well. I don't generally stay friends with exes but I have a great friendship with this one. His current gf doesn't have an issue with it, my bf doesn't have an issue with it, so it's all good.

And how do you feel about him telling you all the details about his sex life? Why is he telling you this? Do you ask him?

Wibbs

MadYaker wrote: »

I ride her.

Well yea... I'd talk to exes for three reasons; 1) I'm still getting the nookie without the extra stuff(sounds great but can get complicated if they start to hanker for more). 2) We've been mates from the start and the sexy time was something that happened and was great then, but the friendship we had before and now have after is what's good for us both now(IMHO the best and coolest reason). 3) To keep as a reminder not to be an eejit again with some people. A constant vaccine against gobshítes as it were. But never tell them that.

Ihatecuddles

Smidge wrote: »

And do you?

No way. I normally don't text back to be honest. He's moving to australia for a year now, so I'm sure he'll have plenty of chances to cheat over there.

Legs.Eleven

Still in touch with one ex (I ended it and we went out for 2 and a half years) as he stayed friends with all my friends when I left London. Only the odd message on Facebook and we meet whenever I see my friends we have in common. We've never talked about current relationships but obviously we'd know about them through the mutual friends. It's been about 8 years now since we broke up. Glad we're in touch to some degree as he's a lovely guy and I like to know how is generally and always hope the best for him.

Penny Tration

username890 wrote: »

And how do you feel about him telling you all the details about his sex life? Why is he telling you this? Do you ask him?

God, no, I don't ask him.

I don't want to know, the same as how I would rather not hear the intimate details of my best friend's sex life. I generally laugh and say 'tmi, mate' to him. That's because I don't really like the whole 'discussion of your sex life in detail' thing at all, though, nothing to do with him being an ex. I don't like hearing it from my other mates.

As for why he's telling me? No idea. Sometimes because he's always been an attention seeker to some degree, other times I don't think he even realises he's doing it.

Smidge

mauzo! wrote: »

No way. I normally don't text back to be honest. He's moving to australia for a year now, so I'm sure he'll have plenty of chances to cheat over there.

It was no judgement, just curiosity tbh.
I couldn't imagine why that scenario would be worth playing out!

thee glitz

Coz sure you might get back with them. Or maybe meet their pretty
sister again through meeting up with them.
But mostly because you thought enough of them
and we're compatible enough that you still care for each other.
The odd sexy times are a bonus.

ElChe32

She's from another country, just stay in touch because we got on well but things didn't work out.

She's also got a cracking pair of tits, so there's that too.

6781

The only reason any lad stays in contact with his ex's or even friends with any bird for that matter, is that he might get a ride of them or their friends.

knarkypants

Only one ex that I am still in touch with and that's only because we have a child together. If we hadn't I would gladly have nothing to do him.

There's a reason why they are my exes and I have no desire to keep in touch with them.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Yeah. You're better off staying on good terms. I live in a town where you always run into the same people, so it'd be awkward if we didn't get on. And we used to live together, so post still comes here for her the odd time. Though I prefer to stick that through her mams letterbox, so she doesn't have to come over

we'llallhavetea

well we didnt go out for long but we get on great. he lives in a different country now with his girlfriend. we talk about everything, including relationships, its totally normal. we went out a long time ago, lost touch for years and then facebook reconnected us he's a sound whoor like

Wotsername

I kinda have to talk to him because he doesn't know he's my ex yet.

keith16

I would never talk to my ex. I have too much respect for my girlfriend and I am deeply in love with her.

I really hope 'wotsername' feels the same way about me.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Still in touch with one ex (I ended it and we went out for 2 and a half years) as he stayed friends with all my friends when I left London. Only the odd message on Facebook and we meet whenever I see my friends we have in common. We've never talked about current relationships but obviously we'd know about them through the mutual friends. It's been about 8 years now since we broke up. Glad we're in touch to some degree as he's a lovely guy and I like to know how is generally and always hope the best for him.

Is your name G........... oh forget it

There is no one from my past that I would avoid tomorrow, no one has ever f*cked me over 'nor I them.. I've been very lucky.

Ihatecuddles

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

Though I prefer to stick that through her mams letterbox

Is that why she broke up with you? :pac:

anncoates

Actually still in touch with my 3 most serious exes. Two are Facebook friends and one by email. Nothing major just a conversation once maybe twice a year to catch up. All of us are married. Just never really lost touch and wasn't really planned.

candy-gal1

Well I dont see why not tbh, for about a year and a half or so he wasnt allowed to chat to me as his gf at the time apparrantly said :rolleyes: , at that time though I was glad of that as she was just a lot of trouble and hassle so it was just a nice thing to get a bit of a breather for a bit (still didnt stop her trying to annoy me in various ways for whatever reason :rolleyes:) , now though hes with a different girl, Im with someone now about a year and 3/4 and neither of our partners dont seem to mind us chatting (just over fb) and Im always honest so I just say tis nice to be nice, if you can be.

How so Joe

I used to keep in touch with an ex because we worked in the same place and it was bloody awkward right after we broke up. When we became friends again work was much easier. But that was a mistake.
I wouldn't keep in touch with any exes again.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

mauzo! wrote: »

Is that why she broke up with you? :pac:

*shudders* I wouldn't touch the ma with somebody else's. That's why we had to break up.. I was afraid her daughter was gonna turn out the same

Czarcasm

I still get on great with any of my "ex's", though even to call them ex's at this stage is a bit strange because to me they're more like just my close and trusted friends that we know will always be there for each other, we still care deeply about each other and we love each other, but it's not the same way as I'd say I love my wife or they love their boyfriends, just that for whatever reasons, circumstances or whatever, things just didn't work out, I'm not the easiest person to get on with or even put up with, but they know whenever they need to talk or need advice about stuff I'll always be there for them.

6781

Czarcasm wrote: »

I still get on great with any of my "ex's", though even to call them ex's at this stage is a bit strange because to me they're more like just my close and trusted friends that we know will always be there for each other, we still care deeply about each other and we love each other, but it's not the same way as I'd say I love my wife or they love their boyfriends, just that for whatever reasons, circumstances or whatever, things just didn't work out, I'm not the easiest person to get on with or even put up with, but they know whenever they need to talk or need advice about stuff I'll always be there for them.

I can't believe this nonsense. Is this what you tell yourself so you don't feel guilty for keeping your options open? I stand by my previous statement in this thread.

thee glitz

There's one of my exes that chats to me the odd time on fb,
just to see I'm not doing as well / happy as her I reckon.
I wouldn't mind only she has a bf, huge tits, lives in a
different country and is 5yrs older than me. I never once
mentioned another lady to her, pretty sure. Like wtf.

Butterface

I'm still connected to a couple of them on Facebook, but only really have conversations with or meet up with one of them.

She's intelligent and funny and knows a lot about things I don't, so sometimes I like to ask her for advice. We're both in relationships and don't live near each other, but we still get on well together when we occasionally meet up. I still care about her a lot, so I would hate not to have her in my life. It did take a few years for us to reach the friendship stage, but I'm glad we did.

liliq

I keep in touch with most my ex's.
One was just because we were all part of a group of friends so it was easier to stay civil,
Another was because we were friends first so once the post breakup 'you used to be nekkid more' awkwardness wore off it was great to have a friend back.
Another, we'll i was with him & lived with him got a long time, ended up very close to a lot of his family, and we'd a few good mutual friends so again it was easy to slide into a friendship.
I would t be super close to any of them at this stage, but we keep in touch.
Not much talk of each others partners and the like though.

Mince Pie

Sometimes friendship can be confused with love and it doesn't work out but if you're mature enough to see that there is no reason not to remain friends once you have given each other the space for the relationship to change back to a good friendship from being intimate.
Then other times they are nobbers who you would wish a plague on.

So in answer to the op, yes and no

Miss Mayhem

I wish my ex wouldn't talk to me! My ex got a new job and now takes the same bus as me in the morning. He keeps trying to get me to talk to him even though I keep making it clear I don't want to talk to him. He won't take the hint. It's getting annoying. I've started getting the earlier bus and going into college far earlier than I need to just to avoid him.

arybvtcw0eolkf

6781 wrote: »

The only reason any lad stays in contact with his ex's or even friends with any bird for that matter, is that he might get a ride of them or their friends.

6781 wrote: »

I can't believe this nonsense. Is this what you tell yourself so you don't feel guilty for keeping your options open? I stand by my previous statement in this thread.

You sound like a young lad of about 17 going on 13 :rolleyes:

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

OT, but I can't figure out how or why people get hung up on their exes. My last relationship lasted 11 years, and I would have been happy to be friends immediately afterwards, except she wouldn't talk to me for months, and even then only out of necessity.

I've had flings in the meantime that haven't worked out for whatever reasons, and I'd never get bitter, even with the ones I'd have liked to keep seeing, but they didn't. My attitude has always been that there's someone out there for everyone, and if things don't work out then it's probably for the best.

K-9

One ex I'd ring the odd time, she'd ring me the same. 2/3 don't see the need to keep in contact with me because they are married.

The one I have to keep contact with is because of my son, would actually be better if we never spoke to each other ever again! But such is life!

Czarcasm

6781 wrote: »

I can't believe this nonsense. Is this what you tell yourself so you don't feel guilty for keeping your options open? I stand by my previous statement in this thread.

I had to go back and remind myself of your previous statement in this thread -

6781 wrote: »

The only reason any lad stays in contact with his ex's or even friends with any bird for that matter, is that he might get a ride of them or their friends.

Still sounds just as immature the second time round, but you're entitled to your opinion. We wouldn't still be mates if any of us had anything to feel guilty about. That's why I said it's weird to call them ex's, and they view me the same way, we're more just like close mates now. My wife is mates with most of her ex's, same thing, which means according to you she's keeping her options open too! :eek: :pac:

6781

Cedric Poor Pelican wrote: »

You sound like a young lad of about 17 going on 13 :rolleyes:

The truth hurts

Galwayguy35

No, we were supposed to be getting married but a few months beforehand I called it off so she pretty much hates my guts, better that though than regretting going through with it.

Ihatecuddles

6781 wrote: »

The truth hurts

Sorry, but you're either immature or you hold this pathetic view because an ex cheated on you after you told her you didn't want her to be friends with an ex. Screams of your own insecurities anyway.

I'm good friends with a guy I slept with a few times, we're close and we've gone out for drinks a few times with my fiancé. My fiancé knows I've slept with him, and he has no issue with us being friends. Under no circumstances do I want to sleep with him again, whether I'm in a relationship or not. We're friends, end of. I would miss him a lot if we didn't keep in contact and we do nothing but laugh when we're together, so why not stay friends to have those moments....!

Witchie

I am friends with quite a few of my ex's but not the father of my kids but that is mainly due to his apathy towards them. We do keep it civil though and I will send him the odd text to keep him in the loop on things in our sons' lives.

My most recent ex and I split up in August. We had been friends for a few years when we got together. He had asked me out when we were teens and I was going out with the father of my kids at that stage so turned him down. About 18 years later he kissed me at a party and we spent almost 3 years trying to make a relationship out of it but in August, after some months of pondering I realised I love him as a friend more than a boyfriend. We go out together with other mutual friends pretty much every Friday night and sometimes I meet him and his mates in the pub to watch football or something on a Sunday evening. He is such a lovely lovely guy and I love having him in my life but I know he is not the "one" for me so it was not fair to keep trying to mould him into that.

Another ex didn't talk to me for a few months but then we started chatting again. He lives hours away but I get the odd text/viber message from him and we talk about life and stuff. He is living with a new girlfriend now and he tells me stuff about his life with her from time to time. He is still looking for a "bonus" night though!

An ex that I was madly in love with for sooooo long and I chat pretty much every day. I know he will never be in love with me so am just happy to be mates.

I actually find it horrendous when you can't be friends with someone you slept with or were in a relationship with unless they were abusive or just a total wanker. It is better to be friends than enemies.

Penny Tration

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

OT, but I can't figure out how or why people get hung up on their exes. My last relationship lasted 11 years, and I would have been happy to be friends immediately afterwards, except she wouldn't talk to me for months, and even then only out of necessity.

I've had flings in the meantime that haven't worked out for whatever reasons, and I'd never get bitter, even with the ones I'd have liked to keep seeing, but they didn't. My attitude has always been that there's someone out there for everyone, and if things don't work out then it's probably for the best.

I agree in theory, but in reality, some people can't immediately be friends after a break up. I'm on speaking terms with 4 or 5 exes, but all bar one, I had a period of no contact first. It's hard to go from dating/shagging to just friends, at least at the start.

Heckler

Legally seperated a year and we get on great whenever we meet. Catch up on family news and stuff.

If she ever knew how much i miss her..............make no difference i guess.

Jesus Wept

6781 wrote: »

I can't believe this nonsense. Is this what you tell yourself so you don't feel guilty for keeping your options open? I stand by my previous statement in this thread.

Your previous statement was a load of cobblers.

Lollipops23

I stayed friends with one ex because we have loads of friends in common and the break up was simply down to growing apart over a long time.

Didn't stay friends with my other ex because the break up was too painful and messy. Plus I just have nothing to say to him anymore.

dyeti

I don't really. I used to go out with a girl for 3 years but I kind of fúcked that one up royally and the last thing she said to me was "I never want to talk to you again", which is a shame because I would like to talk to her again! Not in a romantic desperate way, I'd just like to talk to her and see how she's getting on, because despite whatever happened between us, I still think she was a cool, sound woman. I've sent her a few emails since we broke up (about 3 years ago), but she never responds. She also lives in Europe, so I won't be bumping into her anytime soon. Pity, maybe she'll decide to get in touch with me one day!

Apart from that no, although I am friends with 2 girls that I used to sleep with. My current girlfriend is also friends with these girls and couldn't give a shít that I was scoring 'em before and rightfully so. Unfortunately I'm a little brat and can get a little jealous the odd time when I remember that before me she used to fancy/sleep with some of our current friends that we hang out with. I know it's irrational but I can't help it, at least I keep my mouth shut and get over it after about 5 minutes of self-loathing!

Penny Dreadful

knarkypants wrote: »

Only one ex that I am still in touch with and that's only because we have a child together. If we hadn't I would gladly have nothing to do him.

There's a reason why they are my exes and I have no desire to keep in touch with them.

I agree. My ex and myself communicate through solicitors. He could drop dead and I'd feel nothing other than "well thats that done now".
The funny thing is at the start the break up seemed amicable .......

Wibbs

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

OT, but I can't figure out how or why people get hung up on their exes. My last relationship lasted 11 years, and I would have been happy to be friends immediately afterwards, except she wouldn't talk to me for months, and even then only out of necessity.

It depends on the situation. It depends in a big way on who dumped who. The person doing the dumping has usually made up their mind long before they have the talk. They've already moved on. The one getting the chop may not have a clue that the talk is coming. They are two people in two very emotional places. If you're the person that's already moved on I think it quite self centered and even selfish to expect them to magically catch up with you, just because that's how you happen to feel about the nature of the relationship. If I ever cared about someone I think about them first, how me walking away will affect them. I already know how it's affecting me.

In other words unless it was a mutual winding down the one getting left should be given space and not offered what they will see as a downgrade(or worse a hope for some future reconciliation) just because it suits me. If I was the one getting the flick I'd expect that insight and empathy from the other person.