ex's strange reaction to my congratulating him on his engagement s

sporina

So i went out with a guy for about 10 months.
I broke up with him - he was upset but not mad
We tried being mates but i could see that he was not happy with that so we ended contact.
That was 2.5 yrs ago. H
He is a lovely guy but was not for me.
I found out today that he got engaged - I texted him to congratulate him - and he replied with "please do not contact me again"!
Jesus, how rude. We were totally civil when it ended - and this would not be like him at all - he is usually so polite and well mannered - WTF?

CaraMay

Bizarro but it's been 2.5 years and he has moved on so just forget about it.

fungun

who knows how he has spoken about you to his fiancee....perhaps since you broke up with him his fiancee doesnt like the thought of you being in touch with him....maybe she is overly jealous and feels insecure about that. The fact that you couldnt be friends after you broke it off suggests he had feelings for you afterwards.

either way, his call, he doesnt want any contact; you hadnt been in contact for ages, no great loss to anyone really. Id say its due to something like the above so i wouldnt get hurt about it

Tokyo

Whether you like it or not, it may be what he needs to move on with his life and up and coming marriage with his fiancée.... Contact with you may be a complication that he doesn't need to deal with right now...

sporina

well i only found out through a girl i work with..

she told me that her friend asked if she knew me - she said yes, and she told her that was got engaged to my ex, say "john"..

oh i won't dwell on it - but well, none as queer as folk and all that..

_Kaiser_

It sounds to me more like the common thing of women wanting to be friends after a break-up they initiated (absolve lingering guilt?) and which you say yourself didn't work either at the time anyway and then acting surprised when the guy does actually move on.

Leave him alone OP. Why do you even have his number after 2.5 years of no contact?

sporina

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

It sounds to me more like the common thing of women wanting to be friends after a break-up they initiated (absolve lingering guilt?) and which you say yourself didn't work either at the time anyway and then acting surprised when the guy does actually move on.

Leave him alone OP. Why do you even have his number after 2.5 years of no contact?

i didn't act surprised - i was just being nice by congratulating him,,
i just never deleted his number.. no reason..

_Kaiser_

sporina wrote: »

i didn't act surprised - i was just being nice by congratulating him,,
i just never deleted his number.. no reason..

But you are surprised though - you think his reaction is strange and rude and can't understand why he didn't appreciate your gesture. You even went so far as to post a thread on it here.

Delete his number and leave him be is my advice

Stavro Mueller

sporina wrote: »

So i went out with a guy for about 10 months.
I broke up with him - he was upset but not mad
We tried being mates but i could see that he was not happy with that so we ended contact.
That was 2.5 yrs ago.
He is a lovely guy but was not for me.
I found out today that he got engaged - I texted him to congratulate him - and he replied with "please do not contact me again"!
Jesus, how rude. We were totally civil when it ended - and this would not be like him at all - he is usually so polite and well mannered - WTF?

This is your take on things. My guess is that your ex took things more badly than you think. Maybe he was putting a brave face on things while inside he was utterly devastated. Perhaps over time the hurt turned into anger or bitterness. Just a thought...

qdawg86

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

It sounds to me more like the common thing of women wanting to be friends after a break-up they initiated (absolve lingering guilt?) and which you say yourself didn't work either at the time anyway and then acting surprised when the guy does actually move on.

Leave him alone OP. Why do you even have his number after 2.5 years of no contact?

No, I've never stayed or wanted to stay friends with an ex. None of my female friends have either.

The OP was surprised at the rude reply she got to a congratulatory text, not that her ex had moved on (something she already knew obviously since she is aware of his engagement).

_Kaiser_

cymbaline wrote: »

This is your take on things. My guess is that your ex took things more badly than you think. Maybe he was putting a brave face on things while inside he was utterly devastated. Perhaps over time the hurt turned into anger or bitterness. Just a thought...

I agree with you that her ex probably didn't take it well and that's why trying to be friends didn't work out (he probably thought they'd end up back together) - but all that was the OP's choice and obviously her ex eventually moved on and met someone else.

The question I have is why the OP contacted him at all. Texting someone that it ended badly with 2.5 years later (and still having the person's number in the first place) says more to me about the OP than her ex's reaction. To me I would see his reply as being totally understandable given the circumstances of their break-up and aftermath.

Maybe she's the one who's not entirely over him?

_Kaiser_

qdawg86 wrote: »

No, I've never stayed or wanted to stay friends with an ex. None of my female friends have either.

The OP was surprised at the rude reply she got to a congratulatory text, not that her ex had moved on (something she already knew obviously since she is aware of his engagement).

But why should he be under any obligation to be nice or appreciative of the OP's gesture - 2.5 years later! Personally I wouldn't have replied myself but he just informed her he doesn't want any contact with her.. it's not like he told her to f-off!

It really sounds to me like the OP is the one who hasn't moved on.

qdawg86

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

But you are surprised though - you think his reaction is strange and rude and can't understand why he didn't appreciate your gesture. You even went so far as to post a thread on it here.

Delete his number and leave him be is my advice

I'd be surprised if my current partner could not be civil with his ex. Particularly after so many years and if it was a case of the relationship just not working out i.e there was no cheating or deceit or mistreatment. It would actually make me wonder why, if happy with me, he would feel any bitterness or hurt in relation to this person. Surely a text like that, from someone who is firmly in the past could be dealt with quite easily with a polite 'thanks'.

Is the OP firmly in this guys past ?

qdawg86

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

But why should he be under any obligation to be nice or appreciative of the OP's gesture - 2.5 years later! Personally I wouldn't have replied myself but he just informed her he doesn't want any contact with her.. it's not like he told her to f-off!

It really sounds to me like the OP is the one who hasn't moved on.

There's no obligation......its just natural. Someone says congratulations, you say thanks. Its a not like the OP txt to say 'Congrats on getting your wisdom teeth removed'. She was congratulating him on getting engaged....a very common thing for people to do.

_Kaiser_

qdawg86 wrote: »

I'd be surprised if my current partner could not be civil with his ex. Particularly after so many years and if it was a case of the relationship just not working out i.e there was no cheating or deceit or mistreatment. It would actually make me wonder why, if happy with me, he would feel any bitterness or hurt in relation to this person. Surely a text like that, from someone who is firmly in the past could be dealt with quite easily with a polite 'thanks'.

Is the OP firmly in this guys past ?

Who says he's hurt or bitter? He clearly was at the time but he's since moved on. met someone else, and is moving into the next phase of their relationship

Maybe he just doesn't feel the need to get involved with the OP again at any level. Nothing wrong with that IMO.

cletus van damme

OP we only have your word that it ended in a civil manner - I mean form your perspective it did .
But you don't know how he he felt - He mighnt have liked you afterwards or something about your behaviour may have irked him.
And this may have come out on reflection rather than at the immediate time so you mioghnt be aware of it,

A random text after 2.5 years is a bit odd ,imo of course.
I'm not saying you did anything wrong but in fairness he wasnt rude he was straight with you.
Be grateful , not many people are.

_Kaiser_

qdawg86 wrote: »

There's no obligation......its just natural. Someone says congratulations, you say thanks. Its a not like the OP txt to say 'Congrats on getting your wisdom teeth removed'. She was congratulating him on getting engaged....a very common thing for people to do.

Agreed.. when you're still in contact or friends with someone.

Here's how I see this...

OP broke up with the guy, who took it badly but agreed to try and be friends - hoping they'd get back together

OP wasn't happy with this and cut him off completely (which is perfectly understandable and acceptable)

Ex moves on, meets someone else and gets engaged to the new girl

OP hears this and still feeling some need to be "forgiven" texts him out of the blue. The congratulations is merely an opening after 2.5 years

OP's ex politely tells her he wants nothing more to do with her (as he's moved on)

OP posts a thread here about his "rude", "strange" reply to her gesture -this and the fact she still had his number says to me that she's the one not over him IMO

sporina

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

I agree with you that her ex probably didn't take it well and that's why trying to be friends didn't work out (he probably thought they'd end up back together) - but all that was the OP's choice and obviously her ex eventually moved on and met someone else.

The question I have is why the OP contacted him at all. Texting someone that it ended badly with 2.5 years later (and still having the person's number in the first place) says more to me about the OP than her ex's reaction. To me I would see his reply as being totally understandable given the circumstances of their break-up and aftermath.


i said - its DIDN'T end badly!!!

Maybe she's the one who's not entirely over him?

lolllllllllll…. sorry - but wayyyyyyy offffffff

qdawg86 wrote: »

I'd be surprised if my current partner could not be civil with his ex. Particularly after so many years and if it was a case of the relationship just not working out i.e there was no cheating or deceit or mistreatment. It would actually make me wonder why, if happy with me, he would feel any bitterness or hurt in relation to this person. Surely a text like that, from someone who is firmly in the past could be dealt with quite easily with a polite 'thanks'.

Is the OP firmly in this guys past ?

gee'sssssszzzzzz

yeah maybe some of ye are right about him getting angry with me…his problem..

and people stop looking so much into this - he was not for me but is a sound guy and was actually happy for him when i heard the news..
sad day when someone can't convey a simple congrats!

sporina

qdawg86 wrote: »

I'd be surprised if my current partner could not be civil with his ex. Particularly after so many years and if it was a case of the relationship just not working out i.e there was no cheating or deceit or mistreatment. It would actually make me wonder why, if happy with me, he would feel any bitterness or hurt in relation to this person. Surely a text like that, from someone who is firmly in the past could be dealt with quite easily with a polite 'thanks'.

Is the OP firmly in this guys past ?

totally in the guy's past..

agree with the above though

qdawg86

This guy's reply shows he is hut/bitter/upset over something.

There is no 'getting involved' here. The OP said this guy is normally lovely so sending a text to wish him well and getting a reply like that is bizarre in my opinion.

If I wanted to cut all contact with someone and they sent me a txt, the quickest and easiest way to get rid of them would be to text back 'cheers' and that's it. I certainly wouldn't be making some dramatic statement such as 'Never contact me again' etc. That's only going to stir up things up not put them to rest.

_Kaiser_

qdawg86 wrote: »

This guy's reply shows he is hut/bitter/upset over something.

There is no 'getting involved' here. The OP said this guy is normally lovely so sending a text to wish him well and getting a reply like that is bizarre in my opinion.

If I wanted to cut all contact with someone and they sent me a txt, the quickest and easiest way to get rid of them would be to text back 'cheers' and that's it. I certainly wouldn't be making some dramatic statement such as 'Never contact me again' etc. That's only going to stir up things up not put them to rest.

See the mistake here I think is believing that everyone should want to maintain some sort of friendship/relationship with their ex. In some cases this works, in others it doesn't and there's nothing wrong with that. Nor does it mean the person is bitter or not over their ex

And the OP's ex was not rude - he simply asked her to please not contact him again and thus completely closing the door on her. If he'd replied "cheers" as you suggest, the next reply would be "so how are you?" etc. Remember that she contacted him.

Mint Aero

He took the breakup badly. He probably holds something against you whether justified or not I dunno. For instance, stringing him along, rubbing a new guy in his face at the time etc or something about the breakup he perceives differently to you and this is his little way of getting the last word. He sounds like me tbh I'd do similar things hope that puts your mind to rest OP.

Meauldsegosha

sporina wrote: »

lolllllllllll…. sorry - but wayyyyyyy offffffff
!

The lady doeth protest too much.

OP I don't think your ex's reaction was rude. I think it was perfectly reasonable. There has been no contact for 2.5 years and you suddenly contact him when he gets engaged. If I was your ex I would be thinking "why the hell is she contacting me now?"

Why did you contact him? Was it really to congratulate him or to make you feel like the better person?

Sarn

Could it have been the fiancé who sent the text or influenced the response? I think the easier thing for him would have been to ignore it, the response is quite dramatic. Either way I'd just leave it be, it's been two and a half years.

FestyOSemtex

sporina wrote: »

So i went out with a guy for about 10 months.
I broke up with him - he was upset but not mad
We tried being mates but i could see that he was not happy with that so we ended contact.
That was 2.5 yrs ago. H
He is a lovely guy but was not for me.
I found out today that he got engaged - I texted him to congratulate him - and he replied with "please do not contact me again"!
Jesus, how rude. We were totally civil when it ended - and this would not be like him at all - he is usually so polite and well mannered - WTF?

So let me get this straight. You broke up with a guy, breaking his heart and causing him so much pain in the process and 2.5 years later show up with a text hoping everything is ok when you know he has moved on with is life. WTF like? Leave the guy alone and delete his number.

The OP is a classic example of having your cake and eating it.

_Kaiser_

Sarn wrote: »

Could it have been the fiancé who sent the text or influenced the response? I think the easier thing for him would have been to ignore it, the response is quite dramatic. Either way I'd just leave it be, it's been two and a half years.

Why are some people assuming the ex's reply must be prompted by bitterness/hurt/his new gf?

He's moved on, met someone else and gotten engaged to her. He hasn't chased the OP and she is the one who texted him out of the blue after 2.5 years.

I think the OP is the one who either isn't as over him as she thinks or possibly she texted him to reassure herself that he would still be there if needed and then, when he POLITELY told her not to contact him again she posts a thread here surprised about his being "rude"/"strange" or otherwise not welcoming/appreciating her contacting him.

Either way though - as I said earlier - the OP should delete his number and leave him be

baldbear

Whats the point in contacting an ex after 2.5 yrs? Id think its a bit strange especially if theres been no contact in the meantime. Maybe cause im a bloke.

Tokyo

Sarn wrote: »

Could it have been the fiancé who sent the text or influenced the response? I think the easier thing for him would have been to ignore it, the response is quite dramatic. Either way I'd just leave it be, it's been two and a half years.

I doubt it. Sounds to me like a much simpler situation of the guy looking at his phone and thinking "WTF? I haven't heard from you in nearly three years, and *now* you get in touch?! Thanks, but no thanks...."

OP sounds a bit like nose is out of joint because the guy didn't make a big deal out of her text message, IMHO.....

whirlpool

I absolutely cannot stand people who come into threads and for no reason at all reply by berating the OP. Does it make you feel better about yourselves or what, do you just get kicks out of "giving out" to strangers on the internet?

The OP wasn't question the morality of her ex's text message. She very understandably simply found it bizarre that a person who she thought she was on civil terms with would make such a hostile comment to her.

Any and all of us would be equally confused by that kind of situation, and it absolutely baffles me that any of you decided to berate the OP - that makes zero sense and looks blatantly like you have anger issues that you are taking out on a randomer on the internet. Go and buy yourselves a punching bag in Argos instead, whatever, but just leave it out.

OP, to me it looks like the idea of you still holds an emotional charge for your ex. If he was indifferent to you, he would have simply replied to say Thanks and then just got on with his life, but he didn't, he gave a pretty emotional response instead. Your surprise and confusion is entirely understandable. But it's no longer your problem. Just put it to bed and move on.

whirlpool

FestyOSemtex wrote: »

So let me get this straight. You broke up with a guy, breaking his heart and causing him so much pain in the process and 2.5 years later show up with a text hoping everything is ok when you know he has moved on with is life. WTF like? Leave the guy alone and delete his number.

The OP is a classic example of having your cake and eating it.

He clearly hasn't moved on if the OP carries such an emotional charge for him. Why didn't he respond like a person who has move on and just say thanks? That is what a person who truly had moved on would have done, instead of the dramatic response he gave her.

whirlpool

mike_ie wrote: »

I doubt it. Sounds to me like a much simpler situation of the guy looking at his phone and thinking "WTF? I haven't heard from you in nearly three years, and *now* you get in touch?! Thanks, but no thanks...."

OP sounds a bit like nose is out of joint because the guy didn't make a big deal out of her text message, IMHO.....

What do you mean "Thanks but no thanks" ?

If a person sent you a text message congratulating you on getting engaged, would you respond by saying "Don't ever contact me again" ?

You would only give that response to someone you still feel very emotional about in some way.

_Kaiser_

whirlpool wrote: »

I absolutely cannot stand people who come into threads and for no reason at all reply by berating the OP. Does it make you feel better about yourselves or what, do you just get kicks out of "giving out" to strangers on the internet?

The OP wasn't question the morality of her ex's text message. She very understandably simply found it bizarre that a person who she thought she was on civil terms with would make such a hostile comment to her.

Any and all of us would be equally confused by that kind of situation, and it absolutely baffles me that any of you decided to berate the OP - that makes zero sense and looks blatantly like you have anger issues that you are taking out on a randomer on the internet. Go and buy yourselves a punching bag in Argos instead, whatever, but just leave it out.

OP, to me it looks like the idea of you still holds an emotional charge for your ex. If he was indifferent to you, he would have simply replied to say Thanks and then just got on with his life, but he didn't, he gave a pretty emotional response instead. Your surprise and confusion is entirely understandable. But it's no longer your problem. Just put it to bed and move on.

What annoys me more is the attitude that because the OP's ex rejected her offer of congratulations/friendship/whatever she was hoping to achieve, he must be bitter/not over her/influenced by his new gf etc

It's far more likely that he just got over her, moved on, met someone else and is happy with her and just has closed the door on the chapter of his life that involved the OP

I wonder what the replies would have been if the OP was male, or he had contacted her?

whirlpool

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

Who says he's hurt or bitter? He clearly was at the time but he's since moved on. met someone else, and is moving into the next phase of their relationship

Maybe he just doesn't feel the need to get involved with the OP again at any level. Nothing wrong with that IMO.

If he wasn't hurt or bitter, then he would have simply responded with "Thank you" and left it there. But he did the complete opposite, with an over-dramatic emotional outburst.

He doesn't feel the need "to get involved with" the OP again? How over-dramatic. Thanking someone for the message of "Thanks" isn't "getting involved with" someone.

listermint

whirlpool wrote: »

I absolutely cannot stand people who come into threads and for no reason at all reply by berating the OP. Does it make you feel better about yourselves or what, do you just get kicks out of "giving out" to strangers on the internet?

The OP wasn't question the morality of her ex's text message. She very understandably simply found it bizarre that a person who she thought she was on civil terms with would make such a hostile comment to her.

Any and all of us would be equally confused by that kind of situation, and it absolutely baffles me that any of you decided to berate the OP - that makes zero sense and looks blatantly like you have anger issues that you are taking out on a randomer on the internet. Go and buy yourselves a punching bag in Argos instead, whatever, but just leave it out.

OP, to me it looks like the idea of you still holds an emotional charge for your ex. If he was indifferent to you, he would have simply replied to say Thanks and then just got on with his life, but he didn't, he gave a pretty emotional response instead. Your surprise and confusion is entirely understandable. But it's no longer your problem. Just put it to bed and move on.

You're as wrong as the op was for texting. There is no need to make you feel better or 'were cool now right' after over two years of non contact. Just sillyness.

Leave the lad alone stop trying to be his mate. You weren't his mate back then why now. Let him be. Random texts are plain weird.

_Kaiser_

whirlpool wrote: »

If he wasn't hurt or bitter, then he would have simply responded with "Thank you" and left it there. But he did the complete opposite, with an over-dramatic emotional outburst.

He doesn't feel the need "to get involved with" the OP again? How over-dramatic. Thanking someone for the message of "Thanks" isn't "getting involved with" someone.

As I said earlier, he replied politely but with no room for ambiguity that he wanted nothing to do with the OP - and there's nothing wrong with that.

If he HAD replied with "thanks", I'd wager the next text would be "so how are you?" etc

whirlpool

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

What annoys me more is the attitude that because the OP's ex rejected her offer of congratulations/friendship/whatever she was hoping to achieve, he must be bitter/not over her/influenced by his new gf etc

It's far more likely that he just got over her, moved on, met someone else and is happy with her and just has closed the door on the chapter of his life that involved the OP

I wonder what the replies would have been if the OP was male, or he had contacted her?

So you believe that her ex's response was the response of someone who has moved on and who isn't bitter?

Because the response of someone who didn't have any feelings about the situation would have been "Thank you."

Her ex said "Please don't ever contact me again." How dramatic. That is not what a person who had "moved on" would have responded with.

_Kaiser_

whirlpool wrote: »

So you believe that her ex's response was the response of someone who has moved on and who isn't bitter?

Because the response of someone who didn't have any feelings about the situation would have been "Thank you."

Her ex said "Please don't ever contact me again." How dramatic. That is not what a person who had "moved on" would have responded with.

actually he said "please do not contact me again" (per the OP) - no overly dramatic "ever" included at all.

And he HAS moved on. He's engaged to someone else and not the one who's texting out of the blue 2.5 years later!

whirlpool

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

As I said earlier, he replied politely but with no room for ambiguity that he wanted nothing to do with the OP - and there's nothing wrong with that.

If he HAD replied with "thanks", I'd wager the next text would be "so how are you?" etc

So now you're second guessing the OP and her ex? Why? Don't try to predict what may or may not have happened.

If someone who you don't have any particular emotion about texts you to say Congratulations, and you don't necessarily want to hear from them again, you respond with "Thank you" and then don't text them again.

You don't have a mini breakdown and tell them to never contact you again.

whirlpool

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

actually he said "please do not contact me again" (per the OP) - no overly dramatic "ever" included at all

Now that you've reached the splitting hairs stage, I'm bowing out.

Good luck.

Tokyo

whirlpool wrote: »

So you believe that her ex's response was the response of someone who has moved on and who isn't bitter?

I believe that the OP for whatever reasons, I'm assuming a level of uncomfortableness between her and her ex, decided to completely remove herself from her ex's life almost three years ago. Injecting yourself back into that person's life a few years down the road, even if it is in the form of a text message, is what I find to be the bizarre behaviour here.

The ex sounds like he's dwelled on whatever he and the OP had, has gotten over it, and moved on to a happier place. He was probably more polite than I would be TBH, and replied with a polite, but definitive text of "please do not contact me again." Perfectly reasonable request after 2.5 years of zero contact.

If the guy replied with a more ambiguous "Thanks, great to hear from you, we should catch up sometime", there'd be two pages of responses about how the guy wasn't even married yet, and he's trying to hook up with his ex. You can't win......

Meauldsegosha

whirlpool wrote: »

If he wasn't hurt or bitter, then he would have simply responded with "Thank you" and left it there. But he did the complete opposite, with an over-dramatic emotional outburst.
.

But the ex's text wasn't over dramatic or emotional. He simply asked the OP not to contact him again. Which is perfectly reasonable since he hasn't heard from her in 2.5 years. What the OP needs to consider is why she felt the need to contact her ex and why his text hit a nerve with her.

My ex got engaged in early December and I didn't send him a text to congratulate him. And we have had occasionally texts in the last 3 years. Why didn't I send him a text? Because what's happening in his life is of no interest to me anymore.

Czarcasm

OP I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that perhaps your ex perceived your message to be you trying to rub his nose in it that his new girlfriend wasn't you, therefore he may have thought you were just being a patronising head melt.

People can change an awful lot in two and a half years, lets be honest you're broken up with him a lot longer than you were going out with him. Perhaps over time he realised you weren't the right girl for him and he moved on, and he may have thought that your text was you wedging your way back in to try and be "friends" thinking everything was all cool just because you figured he should be over you by now.

Chances are he IS over you and just wanted nothing more to do with you and was leaving you under no false impressions. Was it rude? Absolutely. But sometimes it's necessary to be rude so people get the point and are pretty clear about where they stand. You're reading far too much into this to try and rationalise a guy you really don't know any more.

If I were you (well, tbh I'd never have text him in the first place, maybe if I'd met him out I'd say congratulations, etc), but now I'd just delete his number and think no more about it.

Brinimartini

sporina wrote: »

So i went out with a guy for about 10 months.
I broke up with him - he was upset but not mad
We tried being mates but i could see that he was not happy with that so we ended contact.
That was 2.5 yrs ago. H
He is a lovely guy but was not for me.
I found out today that he got engaged - I texted him to congratulate him - and he replied with "please do not contact me again"!
Jesus, how rude. We were totally civil when it ended - and this would not be like him at all - he is usually so polite and well mannered - WTF?

What an ignorant sod he is.You're well rid of him

pancake batter

His reply seems overly dramatic but in the grand scheme of things what does it matter? You most likely wouldn't have been in contact with him anymore anyway

freshpopcorn

Maybe he just wants nothing more to do with you which is perfectly understandable.
Your his past and his new financee is his future and this is what he is thinking about now. He doesn't want to be in contact with his ex and it's not like ye were even getting on.

Mint Aero

Czarcasm wrote: »

OP I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that perhaps your ex perceived your message to be you trying to rub his nose in it that his new girlfriend wasn't you, therefore he may have thought you were just being a patronising head melt.

Oh God yeah, this. I've had those. The "I'm sure you'll find someone more suitable" types. As if the dumpee cares what the dumper thinks is suitable for them. The epitome of patronising right there.

Mint Aero

whirlpool wrote: »

So you believe that her ex's response was the response of someone who has moved on and who isn't bitter?

Because the response of someone who didn't have any feelings about the situation would have been "Thank you."

Her ex said "Please don't ever contact me again." How dramatic. That is not what a person who had "moved on" would have responded with.

But he has moved on, he's engaged where are you getting all this Dr.Phil neutral emotion platonic ex friendship relationship stuff from???? It doesn't exist in the real world.

Katgurl

I can't believe (some of) the replies here.

OP, if things ended okish I think it's perfectly normal and nice to text congrats. His text back was ridiculous.

I sent a similar message to an ex of mine (again - no bad circumstances). He didn't reply so I took that to mean he doesn't want me to be in any kind of contact for whatever reason. That's totally fine, he's a lovely guy and I'm sure he has solid reasons (new gf mightn't like it, he may feel it inappropriate). But he didn't send any melodramatic rude text to drive his point home.

Your ex sounds like an immature tw@t.

I'm guessing it's the new gf. Why was she asking about you to your work colleague? She possibly has a hang-up about you if he was not over you when they met and they've rowed about this.

Either way, you were nice and he has just embarrassed himself unnecessarily.

freshpopcorn

Katgurl wrote: »

I can't believe (some of) the replies here.

OP, if things ended okish I think it's perfectly normal and nice to text congrats. His text back was ridiculous.

I sent a similar message to an ex of mine (again - no bad circumstances). He didn't reply so I took that to mean he doesn't want me to be in any kind of contact for whatever reason. That's totally fine, he's a lovely guy and I'm sure he has solid reasons (new gf mightn't like it, he may feel it inappropriate). But he didn't send any melodramatic rude text to drive his point home.

Your ex sounds like an immature tw@t.

I'm guessing it's the new gf. Why was she asking about you to your work colleague? She possibly has a hang-up about you if he was not over you when they met and they've rowed about this.

Either way, you were nice and he has just embarrassed himself unnecessarily.

They tried to be friends and it didn't work out.
They guy moved on and had no contact with the women and she texts him when he's engaged. I'd find it odd texting an ex condrads on your engagement if I had no contact with them.
The guy just wanted to get his point across that he wanted nothing more to do with the women.

Czarcasm

Katgurl wrote: »

I can't believe (some of) the replies here.

OP, if things ended okish I think it's perfectly normal and nice to text congrats. His text back was ridiculous.

Not after two and a half years of no contact it's not, especially when it was the OP broke off contact in the first place. Why go there again? Would you not think it better to let the person move on, it's been two and a half years since they had any contact, no need to dredge up the past.

I sent a similar message to an ex of mine (again - no bad circumstances). He didn't reply so I took that to mean he doesn't want me to be in any kind of contact for whatever reason. That's totally fine, he's a lovely guy and I'm sure he has solid reasons (new gf mightn't like it, he may feel it inappropriate). But he didn't send any melodramatic rude text to drive his point home.

Or maybe he just couldn't be bothered dredging up the past.

Your ex sounds like an immature tw@t.

I'm guessing it's the new gf. Why was she asking about you to your work colleague? She possibly has a hang-up about you if he was not over you when they met and they've rowed about this.

Her ex-boyfriends a twat and his new girlfriend is insecure, but the OP sounds lovely, because she dumped him, then did the "let's be friends", then "let's not be friends", then two and a half years later texts him out of the blue when she hears he's engaged.

Honestly, is it too much to expect the OP might have put herself in her ex's shoes before she sent him a text?

Either way, you were nice and he has just embarrassed himself unnecessarily.

I'm not sure he cares a whole lot for her opinion any more tbh, the OP seems to have thought he should though.

jackofalltrades

sporina wrote: »

So i went out with a guy for about 10 months.
I broke up with him - he was upset but not mad
We tried being mates but i could see that he was not happy with that so we ended contact.

It may have ended civilly from your point of view, but he could have been holding back a lot of emotions that he has never shared with you. You could be his "one that got away", it could have been really hard to get over you. He sounds like he doesn't want the to risk bringing any of those emotions back up and wants to leave you firmly in the past.

I found out today that he got engaged - I texted him to congratulate him - and he replied with "please do not contact me again"!
Jesus, how rude.

Trust me, if he wanted to be rude about it he wouldn't have said please and the rest of the message would probably have contained some stronger language. He's being polite, but at the same time making sure that there's no follow up texts.

Delete his number and move on, for both of your sakes.