Using dating sites while in a relationship

foxy06 · 04-01-2014 7:21pm #1

Do you think it is cheating if you use dating/chat sites to contact strangers online - even if you never actually meet anyone and just chat?

Daqster · 04-01-2014 7:22pm

No.

Cyber sex you mean?

Don't see that as cheating.

Emotional online relationship though, perhaps.

hession · 04-01-2014 7:22pm

Yes

keithb93 · 04-01-2014 7:23pm

Absolutely, immediate deal breaker.

oceanman · 04-01-2014 7:23pm

no.

Jerrica · 04-01-2014 7:23pm

Cheating? No.

Dickísh and disrespectful to your partner? Yes.

Mena · 04-01-2014 7:24pm

Jerrica wrote: »

Cheating? No.

Dickísh and disrespectful to your partner? Yes.

This pretty much.

Cupcake_Crisis · 04-01-2014 7:25pm

I wouldn't consider it cheating, but I still wouldn't be happy about it

Muise... · 04-01-2014 7:28pm

depends what you "just chat" about, even through non-dating social media.

Dark Phoenix · 04-01-2014 7:28pm

Yes - if you just want to chat to someone you can do it on forums or fb.The people you meet on dating sites are looking for more than a chat. Definite deal breaker in a relationship to be on those

Wacker The Attacker · 04-01-2014 7:29pm

what else are you supposed to **** off to.

cleary extricular squirt porn is an avenue that will be closed off by any jealous woman

My name is URL · 04-01-2014 7:33pm

If it's specifically a dating site then of course it should be considered cheating! You don't need to be screwing someone before it's considered 'cheating'.. unless sex is the sole foundation of your relationship.

Gee_G · 04-01-2014 7:33pm

Not cheating exactly but not far off it!
Clearly no respect for the other half and in my book it would be definite grounds for rethinking the relationship!!!

Orlaw3136 · 04-01-2014 7:41pm

Much laughs at the people who see it as not cheating.

Just making hypothetical 'what-if' sort of plans to cheat so is it ?

It's the emotional equivalent of that money just resting in your account.

Tombi! · 04-01-2014 7:43pm

Pure dating sites, yes cheating.
Happening to meet someone online and talking to them? Not cheating.

Chefrio · 04-01-2014 7:44pm

Orlaw3136 wrote: »

Much laughs at the people who see it as not cheating.

Just making hypothetical 'what-if' sort of plans to cheat so is it ?

It's the emotional equivalent of that money just resting in your account.

Or you could be seeing if their is anyone worth breaking up over, so that wouldn't be cheating.

Muise... · 04-01-2014 7:48pm

Brutal Deluxe wrote: »

Pure dating sites, yes cheating.
Happening to meet someone online and talking to them? Not cheating.

what if the talk online is something you wouldn't want your bf/gf to read?

Paramite Pie · 04-01-2014 7:58pm

It's a big breach of trust and it could lead to accusations of affairs etc...

Try to find a website that isn't entirely focused on dating/hook-ups if you wish to flirt on line. Flirting can be harmless (depends on how it's done) but do it somewhere else.;)

donegal__road · 04-01-2014 8:21pm

what if you were chatting to a few girls in the pub a couple times a week while you are in a relationship.. is this cheating?

The Backwards Man · 04-01-2014 8:24pm

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, how many 50c coins do I have my pocket?

BadCompany · 04-01-2014 8:25pm

I've been considering this myself the last couple of weeks - I only recently got the Tinder app on my phone for a laugh and soon stumbled across the profile of a girl who's been going out with an old school-friend of mine* for 7 or 8 years. I get the impression that it's a vanity thing, just wants to see how much male attention she can get. Childish and disrespectful if you ask me.

*haven't been close for years, only see each other once/twice a year now

Gee_G · 04-01-2014 8:28pm

Chefrio wrote: »

Or you could be seeing if their is anyone worth breaking up over, so that wouldn't be cheating.

Yes because that would make it so much more acceptable!!

thecatspjs · 04-01-2014 8:35pm

If you are trying to justify something by asking strangers about it on an internet forum, then you really have answered your own question. I know that you didn't explicitly state that it is in relation to yourself OP, but I just mean in general.

Just ask yourself if you would consider it cheating if the roles were reversed and it was your OH using dating sites for chatting.

Personally, I would consider this disrespectful and a form of cheating. I would break up with someone over it.

Aidric · 04-01-2014 8:36pm

The Backwards Man wrote: »

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, how many 50c coins do I have my pocket?

Enough to buy a packet of condoms from the vending machine?

mikeym · 04-01-2014 9:00pm

Why go to a dating site and pay money to chat to strangers while you could be actually chatting to your partner or do an activity.

Men use dating sites to hook up with women/men not to talk about the weather online.

biko · 04-01-2014 9:05pm

There are plenty of sites for just chat, like boards.
If my partner went onto a singles site to chat I'd be livid.

monkeysnapper · 04-01-2014 9:09pm

I don't need a dating site, if I want to flirt or get something off my mind, just a chat maybe, or practise my grammar..... It's off to boards.ie/after hours .

I even put on a smart shirt most nights and a little aftershave before I log in

cantdecide · 04-01-2014 9:13pm

It's faux innocence to expect people to believe it's harmless, IMO. When I first used dating sites and saw profiles I liked (and where there was clearly more than a little in common) maybe far away looking for chat/ friends, I would message assuming that you could take it at face value. N'er a reply you would get. If they're looking for chums, what bearing would my appearance have (or is it my insufferable personality apparent from my profile :pac:)? I agree with the vanity angle being a probability but whatever is giving someone in a relationship a buzz by being on dating sites chatting to people looking for romantic interaction, it can't be benign.

sunflower27 · 04-01-2014 9:29pm

donegal__road wrote: »

what if you were chatting to a few girls in the pub a couple times a week while you are in a relationship.. is this cheating?

If you don't know the answer to that, you are too immature to be in a relationship. :rolleyes:

eeeee · 04-01-2014 9:29pm

Why would they be dong that if you're in a relationship? If you don't want to commit to a person just don't, I mean don't get into a relationship, just casually see them, fúck buddies or whatever. Problem solved!
If they're not happy in their relationship then they need to address that. If they don't want to be tied down/restricted I would suggest they try the options mentioned above

Penny Tration · 04-01-2014 9:37pm

It's a dating site. People don't usually join dating sites to make friends. If you want new friends, sites like meetup.com are there.

If my bf was actively using a dating site, he'd have been dumped by now. It's not innocent chat, the intention of dating site members is to date

04-01-2014 10:06pm

donegal__road wrote: »

what if you were chatting to a few girls in the pub a couple times a week while you are in a relationship.. is this cheating?

If the sole purpose of your visit to the pub is to chat up single ladies while your OH isn't looking... well, yeah.

anncoates · 04-01-2014 10:36pm

Making friends with another man/woman via a site like boards is fine but expressly going to a dating site is a bit different.

small town girl · 04-01-2014 10:58pm

For me, once it moves from 'are we' to 'we are' in a relationship then any method of looking for someone else (in real life or virtual world) equals a type of cheating

Jack Skellington · 04-01-2014 11:49pm

The Backwards Man wrote: »

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, how many 50c coins do I have my pocket?

About seven

Chazz Michael Michaels · 04-01-2014 11:51pm

I would dump a girl for that.

Corkgirl210 · 05-01-2014 12:56am

If you have to look elsewhere regardless of where there is something wrong in the relationship either make it or break it!!!

Angry_Mammarys · 05-01-2014 1:03am

it's an extremely dumpable offence. It's just so sleazy or something.

Applause · 05-01-2014 1:07am

Yes, it definitely is cheating.

biko · 05-01-2014 2:35am

So, any hot chicks in Waterford fancy a private meet, no G-strings attached?

KyussBishop · 05-01-2014 3:48am

If the partner in the relationship is informed about it, knows the person is just chatting to people or looking for friends, and that trust is not breached - then no, it is not cheating.

Lou.m · 05-01-2014 4:00am

foxy06 wrote: »

Do you think it is cheating if you use dating/chat sites to contact strangers online - even if you never actually meet anyone and just chat?

Yes.

Only if you do not tell your partner if you do and they are ok with it then that's different.

But if you are not telling them then why? If you keep it a secret you know something is wrong. Then it is cheating yes.If they do not know what is going on and what it is you talk about in general then yes it is cheating. It means that the relationship is not what the partner thinks it is if they don't know.

You can become emotionally attached. Or be getting your rocks off.

Why do it anyway, what are you not getting in your relationship?

It is not like friend chatting or anything. Once you have gone from friending to flirting with the knowledge of what you are doing then you need to tell your partner about what you are doing and discuss it. They are going to find out I would wager eventually these things have a way of coming out.

Also it will interfere in the relationship in terms of intimacy.

If your partner finds out they will be hurt and trust is broken.

The real question is not whether it is cheating or not ...but whether the partner thinks it is cheating or not.

Lou.m · 05-01-2014 4:01am

Why do it anyway?

What is the point ?? Is it worth losing the actual real relationship for something fake? Unless it is really about a potential encounter or actually feelings for someone.

Aidric · 05-01-2014 4:06am

Lou.m wrote: »

Why do it anyway?

What if you're trying to arrange a threesome?

B.A._Baracus · 05-01-2014 4:26am

I'll quote what I once read on boards: "waiting for the better deal to come by" - Forget the username who said it but true words none the less.

If you are on a dating website and already have someone, you aint happy or you are waiting for the next/better person to come along. You are keeping your options open. Simple logic 101. Don't see how anyone could see it any differently.

But before someone pulls something out of their ass and says "well, maybe people want to keep in contact with friends?!" - There are various ways to keep in contact over the web beyond a dating website.

arybvtcw0eolkf · 05-01-2014 5:04am

If its a dating site, and there's some intimate chat, maybe a few photos and sex talk its clearly cheating IMO and would be an end to a relationship for me.

Even without the sex talk if you feel you've to hide it from your partner then IMO thats cheating and while probably not grounds to end a relationship it is grounds to question the your relationship ~ in my books it would be hard to come back from this.

suicide_circus · 05-01-2014 6:06am

Breach of trust

--LOS-- · 06-01-2014 5:26am

eh yes ofc. If it was just innocent chat then there are plenty of places for that besides dating sites, come on

Meauldsegosha · 06-01-2014 11:39am

I wouldn't consider it cheating per se, but it shows a total lack of respect to your partner. Therefore the relationship as a whole has to be questioned.