What's wrong with me?

whellman1030

I'm a good looking guy (i receive some compliments even from women), I'm funny, social, self confident.

So Why am I always being rejected and why is so difficult to me to get even a date?

Is it the so called pheromones? So it means I'm fu**** forever?

amdublin

I don't know if this is the right forum.

What are the reasons you are being given when dates are turned down?

Middle Man

There's more to life than relationships IMO - many of such nowadays seem too much hassle anyway. Why not join a chess club - I play chess both online and at my local club all the time. I manage like many people as a single.

Toto Wolfcastle

Moved from Fashion and Appearance

December2012

whellman1030 wrote: »

I'm a good looking guy (i receive some compliments even from women), I'm funny, social, self confident.

So Why am I always being rejected and why is so difficult to me to get even a date?

Is it the so called pheromones? So it means I'm fu**** forever?

Because you are not the type of the specific women you asked out - and that's all.

Being nice, funny, social etc does not mean all women will be attracted to you. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you - it's just that the attraction is not mutual.

But keep trying, and it will be.

LUPE

I'm only going by your post here but you come across as dramatic and insecure. If you're like this in real life I'd imagine it's a bit of a turn-off

GreeBo

LUPE wrote: »

I'm only going by your post here but you come across as dramatic and insecure. If you're like this in real life I'd imagine it's a bit of a turn-off

very few people post in here to tell us all about how great everything is going and how happy and secure they are.

LUPE

GreeBo wrote: »

very few people post in here to tell us all about how great everything is going and how happy and secure they are.

It was just some feedback based on the impression I got from his post. He's a grown man, I'm sure he can see it for what it is. Can't understand why you're being sensitive about it tbf.

whellman1030

LUPE wrote: »

I'm only going by your post here but you come across as dramatic and insecure. If you're like this in real life I'd imagine it's a bit of a turn-off

Actually some women I was trying to get said I looked very proud of myself.

And that is not a lie, I'm proud of me, but I admit I have some gap.

That's why this post.

Dramatic? No. Realistic.

Insecure? No because I have many trophies in my life in the past, and if the others can why couldn't I?

whellman1030

I'm trying to figure out what's the "trigger" that attracts women.

So far it looks like is nothing about the looks or about behaviour.

It looks like it's pheromones.

I'll keep investigating.

LegacyUser

whellman1030 wrote: »

Actually some women I was trying to get said I looked very proud of myself.

And that is not a lie, I'm proud of me, but I admit I have some gap.

That's why this post.

Dramatic? No. Realistic.

Insecure? No because I have many trophies in my life in the past, and if the others can why couldn't I?

Maybe I'm just picking up on the way you've phrased this, but it sounds like you were being told that you come across as a bit arrogant. Is that a possibility? Because that could turn physical attraction into zero, very very quickly

Taltos

whellman1030 wrote: »

I have many trophies in my life in the past, and if the others can why couldn't I?

OP please take a look at our charter before posting again. The standards we hold posters to equally apply to those starting threads. Referring to women as trophies is in conflict with the rules we ask folk to follow here. Basically this is not a nice way to refer to anyone and borders on our points around flaming / civilility.

Cutting you some slack this time but further repeats of charter infringement will result in this thread being closed and may also result in direct moderator action.

LUPE - similarly please read our charter, if you don't have constructive advice please don't post.

Thanks
Taltos

flikflak

whellman1030 wrote: »

Actually some women I was trying to get said I looked very proud of myself.

Women you were trying to `get`.

Women dont want to be `got`. They want a partner they can spend their life with sharing all the things life throws at them together.

Finding a partner is not about how good looking you (think) you are its about much more than that. Maybe you need to examine exactly what it is you want at this point in your life. If its a life partner you are searching for then perhaps you need to establish what qualities you would like in a partner. If its simply a few fun nights with someone/anyone then the priorities will be different.

Perhaps take some time out just to do things you like and you might meet someone with the same interests and strike up something from there.

No one has the right to a relationship just because they consider themselves good looking. Good luck

whellman1030

Taltos wrote: »

OP please take a look at our charter before posting again. The standards we hold posters to equally apply to those starting threads. Referring to women as trophies is in conflict with the rules we ask folk to follow here. Basically this is not a nice way to refer to anyone and borders on our points around flaming / civilility.

Cutting you some slack this time but further repeats of charter infringement will result in this thread being closed and may also result in direct moderator action.

LUPE - similarly please read our charter, if you don't have constructive advice please don't post.

Thanks
Taltos

Dear Moderator,

You understood all wrong.

My trophies are not women. My trophies are other objectives I conquered in the past.

whellman1030

About being arrogant, I carefully choose the words to show that I am confident but without exaggerating or looking arrogant.

The motive they give me? Well one said "I don't know" another invented movies about me, which were not true, so I think the movies were an excuse to not tell me the true reason...

So it looks no one is open enough with me to tell me their "true" reasons. And when people break up with me its always by phone some days after. In the night of the date they look very happy and smiling and some days later they call me back to announce the wonderful new and if I say I prefer to receive the new face to face they are just not brave enough to do it...

Vision of Disorder

whellman1030 wrote: »

About being arrogant, I carefully choose the words to show that I am confident but without exaggerating or looking arrogant.

You're missing a point here though. While you may not feel that you're coming across as arrogant a number of people reading your messages here think you are (and, for what little it's worth, I agree with them). You do look arrogant to others (to some of us at least). I wouldn't make any definitive assumptions about you as a person based on a few words on a message board but that is the impression you've given off to me. I mean the first thing you said was,

"I'm a good looking guy (i receive some compliments even from women), I'm funny, social, self confident."

Maybe it's just me but I always find that people who feel the need to speak of themselves in such glowing terms are a bit self-obsessed. I stress again that I am not saying you ARE but you do come across that way.

You're seem quite dismissive of women too, between your musings about pheromones (if this is an example of your wit you may not be as funny as you believe either I'm sorry to say) and talk of women that you've tried to get and what not.

In a single sentence, to answer the question with which you titled your thread, I don't think you're making much of a positive impression on people.

beks101

All of your posts have made me a little uneasy. The over-inflated confidence and sense of entitlement to "get" a woman, the lack of humour or self-awareness. The talk of pheromones and your need to "investigate" women like they're a science project or something, and not just regular human beings like anyone else. I don't want to be around someone who makes me feel uneasy, not many women do. So that's probably why they're all walking away.

Is english your first language OP? Just curious as it might explain the slightly odd choice of words etc

whellman1030

Vision of Disorder wrote: »

You're missing a point here though. While you may not feel that you're coming across as arrogant a number of people reading your messages here think you are (and, for what little it's worth, I agree with them). You do look arrogant to others (to some of us at least). I wouldn't make any definitive assumptions about you as a person based on a few words on a message board but that is the impression you've given off to me. I mean the first thing you said was,

"I'm a good looking guy (i receive some compliments even from women), I'm funny, social, self confident."

Maybe it's just me but I always find that people who feel the need to speak of themselves in such glowing terms are a bit self-obsessed. I stress again that I am not saying you ARE but you do come across that way.

You're seem quite dismissive of women too, between your musings about pheromones (if this is an example of your wit you may not be as funny as you believe either I'm sorry to say) and talk of women that you've tried to get and what not.

In a single sentence, to answer the question with which you titled your thread, I don't think you're making much of a positive impression on people.

My intention with my direct words was to make it quick to have good replies.

If I would post "I look good" and nothing else, maybe some people would come here and say "But that's not only looks that count". And I wanted to avoid those answers.

I don't think I'm arrogant, I think I'm just another like you guys....

whellman1030

beks101 wrote: »

All of your posts have made me a little uneasy. The over-inflated confidence and sense of entitlement to "get" a woman, the lack of humour or self-awareness. The talk of pheromones and your need to "investigate" women like they're a science project or something, and not just regular human beings like anyone else. I don't want to be around someone who makes me feel uneasy, not many women do. So that's probably why they're all walking away.

Is english your first language OP? Just curious as it might explain the slightly odd choice of words etc

1. The over-inflated self confindence.

Women look for people that believe in themselves. What did I do wrong here?
Should I start on the first day exposing all my gaps? No one does that anyway...If you do that that's a big change the other person will think you're a loser.

2. Lack of humor.

This is a serious subject and a serious post and its like in work, not the time for jokes. Of course in my regular life people say I'm very funny.

3. The science project.

Of course I don't tell my approach to which I'm approaching. That would be a big mistake, but that's how I face things in my life. If you are unsuccessful think about what went wrong and what we can improve to achieve the goal.

Of course no one would like to ear this in a conversation, but the truth is that this is a mutual interest. Even if you say you love you parents is because they make you feel good and in exchange you make them feel good.

It is no different in a relation. Both parties make the other fell good.

I must say that sentiments drive me even when I don't want, but I have the ability to rationalize everything because sometimes the feelings may block your mind.

4. English is just a language I learned. Not even close to my first language.

Thanks

whellman1030

Vision of Disorder wrote: »

You're missing a point here though. While you may not feel that you're coming across as arrogant a number of people reading your messages here think you are (and, for what little it's worth, I agree with them). You do look arrogant to others (to some of us at least). I wouldn't make any definitive assumptions about you as a person based on a few words on a message board but that is the impression you've given off to me. I mean the first thing you said was,

"I'm a good looking guy (i receive some compliments even from women), I'm funny, social, self confident."

Maybe it's just me but I always find that people who feel the need to speak of themselves in such glowing terms are a bit self-obsessed. I stress again that I am not saying you ARE but you do come across that way.

You're seem quite dismissive of women too, between your musings about pheromones (if this is an example of your wit you may not be as funny as you believe either I'm sorry to say) and talk of women that you've tried to get and what not.

In a single sentence, to answer the question with which you titled your thread, I don't think you're making much of a positive impression on people.

I forgot to talk about "I always find that people who feel the need to speak of themselves in such glowing terms are a bit self-obsessed."

It was just a statement of what I am like if I'm going to a doctor.
These qualities/defects were told to me by the others, it's not me saying it.

Maura74

Perhaps it would be better if you made friends first with women or men and it may progress from there to something more intimate after you both got to know each other first.

Some people never find anyone that they would like to spend lots of time with and others fine someone and know instantly that they would like to spend lots of time with.

You will know when you meet the right person and hopefully it will be mutual.

Best of Luck

whellman1030

Maura74 wrote: »

Perhaps it would be better if you made friends first with women or men and it may progress from there to something more intimate after you both got to know each other first.

Some people never find anyone that they would like to spend lots of time with and others fine someone and know instantly that they would like to spend lots of time with.

You will know when you meet the right person and hopefully it will be mutual.

Best of Luck

So assuming your opinion, those guys that go to pubs to get lucky, never get lucky and the pubs it's all a big illusion.

Of course with women going to pubs the story is different because I never saw a man refusing a phone number.

Maura74

I never mentioned a venue for socializing. I feel that a lot of people have long lasting relation when meet at work therefore you should hang out with your colleague from work, or attend parties and other functions as well as pubs. Why did you just mention pubs?

Also why are you blaming pheromones for your rejection, manufactures use pheromones in perfumes. I am led to believe that all groups emit different body odours. This goes for all of the different Asian, European and African as well as Latin American and South Pacific and Australian Native groups.

I feel you should work on your terminology. Most people would prefer to spend time with like-minded people that have similar interests and empathy, therefore your colleagues would be ideal in helping you to meet people of the opposite sex, if that what you want.

Also people in pubs give out their number to others for all sorts of reasons, it does not mean that they are going to get 'lucky' whatever you mean by that. Why does that bother you.

whellman1030

Maura74 wrote: »

I never mentioned a venue for socializing. I feel that a lot of people have long lasting relation when meet at work therefore you should hang out with your colleague from work, or attend parties and other functions as well as pubs. Why did you just mention pubs?

Also why are you blaming pheromones for your rejection, manufactures use pheromones in perfumes. I am led to believe that all groups emit different body odours. This goes for all of the different Asian, European and African as well as Latin American and South Pacific and Australian Native groups.

I feel you should work on your terminology. Most people would prefer to spend time with like-minded people that have similar interests and empathy, therefore your colleagues would be ideal in helping you to meet people of the opposite sex, if that what you want.

Also people in pubs give out their number to others for all sorts of reasons, it does not mean that they are going to get 'lucky' whatever you mean by that. Why does that bother you.

I didn't mention pubs because of you.

It came to my idea that myth and your opinion goes against that.

IMHO pubs it's a Myth. Of course there can be a few exceptions like in everything, but I don't believe it's the general case.

In what do you believe?

whellman1030

About going out with colleagues, that's the hard part when in your area there are 95% of men.

What I do, are some activities that I like and I may meet something with the same interests.

Never do an activity because of women, do something because you like it, that's my theory.

About getting lucky I meant that I'm lucky, if the other party feels lucky too. It can mean many things.

Where I'm being rejected actually are in the girls I meet that are friends of friends. I may want to start by a friendship, but they act very nice when I'm with them, and then don't say anything else and disappear, and don't accept invitations for anything.

Maura74

Maura74 wrote: »

That comment implies that you might be a misogynist and or sexist.

I think you misunderstood him - he wouldn't sign up to something he wasn't interested in just to meet women.

ViveLaVie

Maura74 wrote: »

That comment implies that you might be a misogynist and or sexist.


The current age of consent in Ireland is 17 also ‘girls’ are not women.

How is that misogynist or sexist? I refer to myself as a girl and I'm 25. The OP has already said English is not his first language, I don't think there's a need to tear his posts apart.

Vision of Disorder

Maura74 wrote: »

That comment implies that you might be a misogynist and or sexist.

Ah here, I've been as critical of the OP as anybody (and have given up trying to talk directly to him because of his inability to take anything on board) but I don't see where you're getting that from.

Maura74

OP clearly has a good command of English see his other posts. I could also say English is not my first language as when I was at school everything was taught in Gaelic.

I said 'might be' I did not say he was, however, he clearly said he would never do an activity because of a woman. Maybe I misinterpretation this, but he also said 'Where I'm being rejected actually are in the girls'

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057031095

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=86231451

Maura74

I feel the OP has a problem getting to grips with a different culture. He obviously heard that Ireland has lots of pubs and he has found it to be a Myth.

ViveLaVie - You may look like a girl of 17, but you got 8 years advantage on young person of 17.

OP - said in another thread that he will be in Ireland for 6 months that is not enough time to get into any kind of a meaningful relationship with anyone.

whellman1030

Vision of Disorder wrote: »

Ah here, I've been as critical of the OP as anybody (and have given up trying to talk directly to him because of his inability to take anything on board) but I don't see where you're getting that from.

Vision you were right, I meant don't do an activity because you think there is going to be plenty of women there for you to start a relationship.

Explain me better that concept of trying not to talk to me directly because of my inability to take anything on board. Are you referring to this thread or other threads?

If it was in previous threads, I think I have changed for better and I have been much more flexible in this thread.

whellman1030

Maura74 wrote: »

I feel the OP has a problem getting to grips with a different culture. He obviously heard that Ireland has lots of pubs and he has found it to be a Myth.

Can you explain that better Maura?

So is it a Myth or not?

And yeah I lived in 3 countries in my life and this is the first one were I'm having some "culture clashes"...But I hope to fully understand the Irish culture at some stage.

BTW I'm here for 10 months and my first relationship here started after 4 months

Maura74

Maura74 wrote: »

I said 'might be' I did not say he was, however, he clearly said he would never do an activity because of a woman.

Doing an activity purely for the fun of it rather than for the sole purpose of meeting women is not sexist, is as far away from sexist as it could be, and I think it's time to move on from that

Maura74

Whellman - I am pleased that you are in a relationship and it is working out for you. I am sorry if I misunderstood your post.

Regarding Pubs in Ireland, a Myth or not, I have no personal experience of them as I do not reside there and have not done for over 50 years.

However, I have found this links below regarding Ireland and extract from of the links:

Pro: Pubs, pubs and more pubs - Ireland doesn’t mess around when it comes to its pubs. Take a walk through any city here, and you’ll find more pubs per square foot then anything else. The variety of pubs available to have a drink in is overwhelming. Whether you prefer a small quiet pub with a handful of patrons, or a full on standing room only, dancing/scream over the noise pub, Ireland has it. Unlike most US states, after a certain time here, it is not a requirement to serve food with alcohol.

Con: There isn’t much of a social scene without alcohol
The lifestyle in Ireland has incorporated alcohol into its very core. This is great if you fancy a drink, but if you don’t, there’s not really much to accommodate. There are of course sites to see and do all over the country that don’t involve alcohol and Ireland is famous for its theatres, music, sites and people. But ultimately, the pub is the number one destination.

I am not sure if this represents the old country now, but I am sure others posters that reside there will advise you if the information in the links is a true representation of Ireland today.

http://www.expatarrivals.com/ireland/pros-and-cons-of-moving-to-ireland

http://maryannk.wordpress.com/2012/07/05/5-things-to-know-before-you-move-to-ireland/

http://survivingireland.blogspot.co.uk/2009/05/youre-moving-to-ireland-now-what.html

ViveLaVie

Maura74 wrote: »

OP clearly has a good command of English see his other posts. I could also say English is not my first language as when I was at school everything was taught to me through Gaelic

It was clear to me that English wasn't the OP's first language from the beginning; it's clear from his syntax and word choice, which is inappropriate at times. I'm just saying we should cut him some slack and not rip into him for using particular words when he may not mean to use them in an inappropriate context.

It's not really relevant whether or not you can say English isn't your first language. You may be more fluent in English than he. Being taught through a language doesn't make it your first language anyway.

Maura74 wrote: »

I said 'might be' I did not say he was, however, he clearly said he would never do an activity because of a woman. Maybe I misinterpretation this

I would say you did misinterpret it. The OP clearly meant he only does activities he finds enjoyable rather than joining clubs solely to meet women.

Maura74 wrote: »

ViveLaVie - You may look like a girl of 17, but you got 8 years advantage on young person of 17.

I think you misinterpreted me here now. I didn't say I look 17. I am 25 and I refer to myself as a girl still, not a woman. I was merely pointing out that I didn't see anything wrong with the OP's word choice i.e. girls. You implied that he might be pursuing underage girls which I felt was unfair.

Maura74

Maura74 wrote: »

How in gods name would I know what you look like, you said that you refer to yourself as a girl. As far as I am aware girls play with dolls, also as far as I am aware womanhood begins in Ireland at 17, ie you can legally have sex. I read somewhere that may change, but as far as I am aware it is still 17.

In UK it is 16 - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-24976929

Maura74 none of this has anything to do with helping the OP.
This is an advice forum, not a discussion forum.
Please keep all posts on topic and see charter for guidelines.

Thanks

GreeBo

Maura74 wrote: »

How in gods name would I know what you look like, you said that you refer to yourself as a girl. As far as I am aware girls play with dolls, also as far as I am aware womanhood begins in Ireland at 17, ie you can legally have sex. I read somewhere that may change, but as far as I am aware it is still 17.

In UK it is 16 - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-24976929

I'm not sure how your focus on this is helping the OP.
my girlfriend is 36...legality has nothing to do with how I see her or how she views herself.

Ande1975

OP,

Since none of us on boards here know you or see how you are in company, I am going to make a huge assumption here and suggest that perhaps you may come across a bit too keen?

There's a slight whiff of desperation coming from your posts (no disrespect) which can be quite off putting for both men and women.

I found that while I can meet attractive guys, I am put off by the desperation whereas I was MADLY in love with a not so goodlooking (not that that matters - I was still attracted to him) guy because he was unassuming, funny and if I'm honest, kept me guessing. I'm not saying play games - I was attracted by the fact that he had his own life and had the right balance.

There's a saying here 'a hungry dog never gets fed' - sounds awful but its true. Good luck

whellman1030

Ande1975 wrote: »

OP,

Since none of us on boards here know you or see how you are in company, I am going to make a huge assumption here and suggest that perhaps you may come across a bit too keen?

There's a slight whiff of desperation coming from your posts (no disrespect) which can be quite off putting for both men and women.

I found that while I can meet attractive guys, I am put off by the desperation whereas I was MADLY in love with a not so goodlooking (not that that matters - I was still attracted to him) guy because he was unassuming, funny and if I'm honest, kept me guessing. I'm not saying play games - I was attracted by the fact that he had his own life and had the right balance.

There's a saying here 'a hungry dog never gets fed' - sounds awful but its true. Good luck

I agree, the post came because of desperation and failed attempts.

Also I agree with you that a person that does activities that he/she likes implies that that person has his/her own life.

Actually I have my own life and I don't depend on having a relationship, but it would make my life better.

But even though, I cannot attract people by showing them my life, and there's where your theory goes down....

I believe that's the spirit (having a life), but I don't believe in crap like women can smell it (desperation)!!! Specially if I'm a good actor
And if I'm feeling desperate I cannot change my feelings anyway...

Ande1975

whellman1030 wrote: »

I agree, the post came because of desperation and failed attempts.

Also I agree with you that a person that does activities that he/she likes implies that that person has his/her own life.

Actually I have my own life and I don't depend on having a relationship, but it would make my life better.

But even though, I cannot attract people by showing them my life, and there's where your theory goes down....

I believe that's the spirit (having a life), but I don't believe in crap like women can smell it (desperation)!!! Specially if I'm a good actor
And if I'm feeling desperate I cannot change my feelings anyway...

Ok I misunderstood. I thought your issue was maintaining a relationship which is where the 'having your own life' comes into play.

You have slightly contradicted yourself above by saying I don't believe in crap like women can smell it (desperation)!!! Specially if I'm a good actor
And if I'm feeling desperate I cannot change my feelings anyway

Why feel desperate at all? The point I am trying to make in my last post still stands. The most attractive quality in someone is self assuredness. (Its not the same as arrogance). Its knowing that your life is perfectly fine with or without a partner. Believing that has an affect on your demeanour when you are interacting with people.

I don't think any of this is helping you so I am going to suggest something else. You say you don't understand why you don't attract women - have you thought of bring a friend along or asking feedback from your friends who know you? I think they are in the best position to advise you.

strobe

whellman1030 wrote: »

I carefully choose the words to show that I am confident but without exaggerating or looking arrogant...

Relax. Maybe stop trying to carefully choose your words when you're with people. If you want to seem confident that's mainly going to come from being relaxed and in the moment and not overthinking what you say or do or what they say or do. Be natural. If you're picking and choosing too much what you say and how you say it it's going to come across artificial and contrived. Relax. Treat the time you're with someone as just an oppurtunity to talk genuinely and have fun at that time. I picked out the sentence above but the general feeling I get from all your posts is that you are way overthinking and over analyising things, even in the middle of the time you are spending with someone. There's no formula or pheromone or set of rules you can use to click with someone. Relax. When someone is too self aware in their interactions with people, people pick up on that very easily and it can make some people uncomfortable. People want to be around people they feel comfortable around. Enjoy your time with someone whether it's a date or a female friend or someone you meet in the park or in work for what it is at the time without trying to control the interaction by trying to choose carefully what you say and do, or focusing on how you think they might perceive you to be coming across and trying to pre-empt that. If you're on a date view it as an oppurtunity to have a bit of a laugh and a good time for the few hours you are together and not as some kind of foundation building exercise for future dates with that person.

Vision of Disorder

whellman1030 wrote: »

Explain me better that concept of trying not to talk to me directly because of my inability to take anything on board. Are you referring to this thread or other threads?

In this thread, I feel you've dismissed pretty much everything that has been suggested to you as out of hand. It may be part of the overall problem.

whellman1030

Vision of Disorder wrote: »

In this thread, I feel you've dismissed pretty much everything that has been suggested to you as out of hand. It may be part of the overall problem.

Don't agree with you. Actually I'm going to follow the advice of taking a friend with me.

Also you guys say that our lifes are perfect with or without a partner. I don't believe so.....Having a partner is like having a job: you can live without a job, but would you feel ok?

Vision of Disorder

whellman1030 wrote: »

Don't agree with you.

What a surprise!

whellman1030 wrote: »

Actually I'm going to follow the advice of taking a friend with me.

Good luck with that, try and get them to keep some type of distance too though.

whellman1030 wrote: »

Also you guys say that our lifes are perfect with or without a partner. I don't believe so.....Having a partner is like having a job: you can live without a job, but would you feel ok?

I didn't actually say that in this thread but I do agree in general terms that you should be able to be content in your life without a partner. If it happens (for you, or me, or anybody else) then great, if it doesn't it shouldn't be the end of the world. I'm not defined by by job but I'm not defined by my girlfriend either, they're just two aspects of my life as a whole. I felt ok (sometimes better, sometimes worse) overall before my current position and my current relationship. What makes me happy to be Vision of Disorder is the cumulative total of all that makes my life mine, not any individual part of it.

There's a line in a Frank Turner song that may serve you well,

"Love is free and life is cheap and as long as I've got me a place to sleep, some clothes on my back and some food to eat then I won't ask for anything more."

Ande1975

Out of curiosity OP, are you this intense and argumentative when you are talking to women?
I know I would be put off by that personality type (not suggesting that you are, it's just how you come across in posts). It screams 'hard work'.

I am single and very happy with my life. I would be devastated if I lost my job as it's a source of income, allows me to live relatively comfort life and I enjoy it.
I am fussy and make no apologies for that. The fact that I am happy and content with my life attracts more guys than when I was younger and slightly desperate and made VERY bad choices.

After all this advice, you still don't get it and need to figure it out on your own.

LegacyUser

I don't mean to be hurtful at all, but as others have said, if you come across in real life the way you do in this thread, I'd just find it off-putting. Too intense, a bit arrogant, not listening to what others have to say, and just plain too much hard work.

If I'm wrong, fair enough - I don't know you. But that's my perception, and its possible that this is the perception of you in real life too.

whellman1030

Ande1975 wrote: »

Out of curiosity OP, are you this intense and argumentative when you are talking to women?
I know I would be put off by that personality type (not suggesting that you are, it's just how you come across in posts). It screams 'hard work'.

I am single and very happy with my life. I would be devastated if I lost my job as it's a source of income, allows me to live relatively comfort life and I enjoy it.
I am fussy and make no apologies for that. The fact that I am happy and content with my life attracts more guys than when I was younger and slightly desperate and made VERY bad choices.

After all this advice, you still don't get it and need to figure it out on your own.

When I talk to women, I ask them what things they like to do and try to find common interests.

If there's something healthy that I disagree with I just say it....After are you not the ones saying I should just be myself? If I don't agree why act and pretend I'm another? Now you're contradicting yourself guys.

Ande1975

whellman1030 wrote: »

When I talk to women, I ask them what things they like to do and try to find common interests.

If there's something healthy that I disagree with I just say it....After are you not the ones saying I should just be myself? If I don't agree why act and pretend I'm another? Now you're contradicting yourself guys.

Where have I contradicted myself? You've asked for advice as to why you are not attracting women, posters are trying to advise you but you are just being intense and argumentative and not taking the feedback in the spirit it is given.

You are not attracting women because you are intense and arguementative - that's my reading of the situation. This stuff isn't difficult but you are making it so.

Fair enough if being yourself is serious, intense and argumentative - then stay that way but your chances of finding someone is slim because those traits are unattractive.

OP, if you read back some of the responses, posters are getting frustrated with you. You could come across the same way in person and have the same effect.

Vision of Disorder

whellman1030 wrote: »

After are you not the ones saying I should just be myself?

I definitely didn't say that.

thefeatheredcat

In a post in this thread you say you're in Ireland for only 10 months..... and that women that you have gone out with generally have been friends of friends. They're nice and happy to be with you when out with you, but things either fizzle out or they break up with you afterwards by text.

Has it occurred to you that since you're really only here in Ireland a relatively short while, that perhaps the friends of friends are quick to realise this and simply don't want to get involved with someone who is unlikely to be around in some months after you've met? To some it might not be worth investing the time, energy and effort on someone who doesn't have any long term plans beyond 10 months to remain here. Maybe that is the issue in itself and not really anything to do with you on a personal level.

If perhaps that they don't know that you're only here a short while, and it hasn't come up in conversation, then it either must be something you are saying to them and how you are engaging them that must be the problem. If dates are appearing to be happy and nice to be with you then perhaps you do not see signs that they are unhappy or uncomfortable around you and are missing something in non verbal communications.

whellman1030

I think I figured out by myself anyway what's wrong.

And sorry to not agree with you guys again but i'll say what it is and one of my friends with very good analyzing skills agreed.

The thing is that I'm not smooth. I'm smooth when talking to women, but if I feel it is going well, if I make some move, I do it to suddenly which lives the other party uncomfortable. I would feel uncomfortable too if a girl would not be smooth with me.

I just have not to think or rationalize when I'm dating and just let me go by my feelings (go with the flow).

The strange thing is that I had to figure out myself, and then my friends agree with me.

I want to explain why I am argumentative: If I don't understand the message, I want to make sure I'm fully convinced. I would say many times Irish people are giving me the right advice but they have trouble in passing me the message (using the right words to make me understand).

Well lets test my theory, and you may think I didn't appreciate your posts and advises but I really appreciated you tried to help.

Thanks.
Whellman