Christening alternatives

Chattastrophe!

I'm interested in hearing what alternatives, if any, people would suggest instead of a christening/baptism ceremony.

With our first child due any day now, I think it would be nice to have a celebration to mark the occasion, and also to introduce the two sets of family/friends.

I've heard of Humanist naming ceremonies, but don't know anyone who's ever attended one of these. Anyone got any experiences? There's not a whole lot of information on the website. My boyfriend doesn't see the point of having any formal ceremony at all - however I wouldn't feel right inviting relations from all over the country for "just" a party, I'd like to have some sort of actual ceremony.

Would welcome any experiences/opinions.

Nodin

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

I'm interested in hearing what alternatives, if any, people would suggest instead of a christening/baptism ceremony.

With our first child due any day now, I think it would be nice to have a celebration to mark the occasion, and also to introduce the two sets of family/friends.

I've heard of Humanist naming ceremonies, but don't know anyone who's ever attended one of these. Anyone got any experiences? There's not a whole lot of information on the website. My boyfriend doesn't see the point of having any formal ceremony at all - however I wouldn't feel right inviting relations from all over the country for "just" a party, I'd like to have some sort of actual ceremony.

Would welcome any experiences/opinions.

And why not?

Ye could have yer own. Everybody downstairs for a bit havin the few jars and then you bring in the babby and "introduce" him/her as whatever name to everyone.

donspeekinglesh

Friends just had a party, and the parents/grandparents said a few words and had a present to put in a box until he was 18.

AerynSun

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

Would welcome any experiences/opinions.

There are tons of things you could do, but the bottom line is: what's important or of value for you in doing 'something' for the little one? What would be the meaning you'd hope it would have?

Once you've clarified that for yourself, then you can easily create a ritual that would be symbolic of what you hope for.

There's no 'right way' - there are thousands of ways. Figure out what will work for you, and go for it :pac:

I have an agnostic friend who was married at the time to a devout Buddhist, and they decided to have a naming ceremony for their daughter and invite all and sundry: her divorced Anglican parents, extended family and friends of all faiths and none. It was an interesting morning - underscored by an athiest running commentary from just outside the dining room door, a few elbows in someone's ribs before the religious grandparents might get offended... and someone getting shuffled out of harm's way the minute the chanting began. So 10 minutes of Buddhist chanting, followed by some spoken words and bells ringing and incense burnt, the recitation of poems and other inspirational bits... and then everyone got to wish the baby well (her name translated as "Beautiful Light"), and back into the house to plough through some of the yummiest snacks in the history of 'make up your own party' parties

Definitely in favour of 'doing something', especially when something doesn't fit the mould of anyone's preconceived idea of what it ought to have been.

wretcheddomain

Just stay at home and don't bother

I think having the party at home sounds like a great idea, and have a big moment where you walk in with the baby

Chattastrophe!

Nodin wrote: »

And why not?

Ye could have yer own. Everybody downstairs for a bit havin the few jars and then you bring in the babby and "introduce" him/her as whatever name to everyone.

The thing is, this would be fine if it was just our own friends, but my family really aren't the types to enjoy a "few jars", in fact most of my relations don't drink. If I am to invite them, they'd expect a formal ceremony. (Well, what they expect is a Catholic baptism, but they're not going to get that!)

AerynSun wrote: »

There are tons of things you could do, but the bottom line is: what's important or of value for you in doing 'something' for the little one? What would be the meaning you'd hope it would have?

Once you've clarified that for yourself, then you can easily create a ritual that would be symbolic of what you hope for.

There's no 'right way' - there are thousands of ways. Figure out what will work for you, and go for it :pac:

The meaning of it for me is that it's a massive deal having this baby, it's the first grandchild on both sides, and I'd really like to do something to mark the occasion. We're not planning on getting married anytime soon (if ever), so that's why I'd quite like to have a proper celebration to welcome this little one into the world.

You hear of people having lovely personalised creative ceremonies, like the one you described ... thing is, neither of us are particularly creative, to be honest! That's why I like the idea of possibly having a humanist ceremony, I'm hoping at least it would have some structure to it. But as I said, I know very little about these.

wretcheddomain wrote: »

Just stay at home and don't bother

As above, it's important to me to mark the occasion. It's a huge life-changing event, and I'd like to celebrate it accordingly, I don't want to let it just pass without recognition. I'm just not quite sure what's the best way for us to go about it!

eyescreamcone

We had a naming ceremony at home for our first born.
We bought a bell and engraved the names and date of birth of grandparents, parents and child on it.
The little cousins loved ringing the bell to welcome the little one.

A few words of welcome
A few beers
A good day.
Looking forward to the next one.

Chattastrophe!

bluewolf wrote: »

I think having the party at home sounds like a great idea, and have a big moment where you walk in with the baby

Definitely won't be a party at home anyways. House is too small, just wouldn't be suitable! I'm thinking a pub/hotel for drinks and finger food afterwards - but would quite like to have some sort of a ceremony first, rather than just have everyone turn up at the pub.

Chattastrophe!

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

Definitely won't be a party at home anyways. House is too small, just wouldn't be suitable! I'm thinking a pub/hotel for drinks and finger food afterwards - but would quite like to have some sort of a ceremony first, rather than just have everyone turn up at the pub.

If there's a function room at the pub you can have everyone gather there, make a big entrance, bit of a speech from you and the dad about welcoming baby into the family and what baby's name is? Maybe read a poem, plant a tree and mention that at the do?

whatdoicare

I had a celtic monk marry us, Darra Molloy and he was fantastic. Hes a pagan monk and he also does naming ceremonies. If you are having a booking in a hotel he can come to the hotel to do the ceremony for you. Hes a lovely guy and has a profound understanding of what Catholic mammys and daddys are looking for in a ceremony. If you Google him he has a website.

Nodin

bluewolf wrote: »

If there's a function room at the pub you can have everyone gather there, make a big entrance, bit of a speech from you and the dad about welcoming baby into the family and what baby's name is? Maybe read a poem, plant a tree and mention that at the do?

That's a good idea there.

biko

I wouldn't bother, and instead try to make the 1st birthday the big thing with distant relatives.
I know it's not what you asked OP but that's my 2 c.

AerynSun

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

The meaning of it for me is that it's a massive deal having this baby, it's the first grandchild on both sides, and I'd really like to do something to mark the occasion. We're not planning on getting married anytime soon (if ever), so that's why I'd quite like to have a proper celebration to welcome this little one into the world.

You hear of people having lovely personalised creative ceremonies, like the one you described ... thing is, neither of us are particularly creative, to be honest! That's why I like the idea of possibly having a humanist ceremony, I'm hoping at least it would have some structure to it. But as I said, I know very little about these.

I'd say it would be a massive deal for you, and fair play to you thinking about how to celebrate this special occasion

The first grandchild on both sides bit makes me think that some of the meaning in this for you, is about the child holding a special symbolic place in the continuation of the families - circle of life stuff. So what I would do, if it were me... is think about what values each family holds dear, what is their 'signature' thing that they do or love or want for the world, as a family? And then find some way of combining symbols of both families' special thing/gift to the world in a 'melding and going forward' ritual. That way you'd be paying homage to both families, and expressing something of your hopes for the child's life - which would be lovely, as well as meaningful for everyone attending (even though some of them won't be getting the Catholic bit they'd want!)

You could also 'borrow' some of the form/outline of the Catholic baptism rite, and that structure could make some of the more traditional members of the family feel more at ease with the proceedings, even though it won't actually be a baptism:

1. Reception of the Child: in which you make a request of the gathered community/family: what you hope they will do/provide for your child during the course of its life (aka love, belonging, care, etc.) If you wanted to have 'godparents/special people', this is also the bit where you would publicly entrust them with their role (as you understand it/want it to be, by agreement with them).

2. Readings: in which you use a text of your choosing - from whatever source you like! Could be a poem or an inspirational speech, anything that sets the tone for what you would want for your child. If you've got someone in the family whose a brilliant speaker, this could also be a chance for them to do something after the reading - to connect the reading to the families' experience of being a family, drawn together by this child, presented to them as a gift and a challenge.

3. Intercessions: you could do some prayers/blessings (in whatever form works for you!) for the families - for deceased loved ones who have had an impact on your lives, for anyone in the family who is ill, for whatever you like. There are some useful ideas online - and you can adapt/rewrite things until they feel right for you (e.g. taking out Christian-specific language and so on).

4. Blessing: it doesn't have to be specifically religious, but some symbolic blessing of the child, a stating of good intention and dearly held hopes - whether you use water or incense or music or whatever - and a spoken commitment to look after the child and do your best in guiding them through as much of their life as you'll be privileged to see.

5. Lighting of a candle: symbolic of the child's life. You could have a whole rack of candles: one for each family member, and have each person come up to light their own one, and when all of the family members' candles are lit, then you do the ta-daaa moment of lighting the last candle, for the baby, now very visibly a part of the greater circle of the family's life together.

And voila! You're done. Music and merriment to follow

Every success to you with your planning, I'm sure that whatever you eventually decide to do, will be perfect for you and your family (and some grumbling from family members is a normal part of the perfect ceremony!).

Benny_Cake

It's definitely something worth celebrating. I found this on the Friendly Atheist blog, if you scroll down through the comments you may find some inspiration. Whatever you decide to do, I hope that it goes well for you.

Hotblack Desiato

whatdoicare wrote: »

I had a celtic monk marry us, Darra Molloy and he was fantastic. Hes a pagan monk and he also does naming ceremonies.

But isn't that just replacing RCC woo with pagan woo? (I'm assuming you don't actually believe in paganism.)

eviltwin

We didn't do anything, toyed with the idea of a naming ceremony but then thought what was the point...it just felt like we were doing it because there was an expectation that we do something to parallel a traditional baptism. In the end we didn't bother.

Hotblack Desiato

Yep same here (x2).

Mr_A

We had a naming ceremony for our little one at Dunree Fort in Donegal and it was a mighty day out. People were able to visit the museum or go on some of the gorgeous walks and then we had a short ceremony and a bit of a party afterward. The ceremony included a little bit with the guide parents, a little on the name we'd chosen, we had one of the Grandparent say a few words representing all four of them, a somewhat tongue in cheek presentation about the two families that our little one was becoming part of. We set up a wii in one corner to keep kids young and old amused and had a bit of music and food as well. A great day in a wonderful location.

ShaShaBear

Been curious about this too. Not getting our baby baptised. Simply both of us are Athiest, and I think it's mighty hollow and hypocritical to do it just because it's the done thing. Had a bit of a go at a relative who suggested I was depriving them of all the money and parties at Communion and Confirmation, and I smiled and told her that wasn't a very Catholic way to think.

My mother is devastated we aren't getting it done. It has caused rows (and still does) but she is a little more resigned to it now. She seems to think that I was totally going to do it until my partner said he didn't want to. I told her that even if that WAS true, it was still acceptable - what's wrong with letting the father of my baby make that decision if I don't really care either way?

My nan (this is her first great-grandchild) will probably go bananas, and there are a few "armchair republican" family members who will not be happy either, but I've grown a pair and will be telling them to stuff it.

But I would like to acknowledge the birth and naming of the baby in someway special without making it look too much like we're trying to appease the Athiest-Bashing Catholics in my family who think the baby will go straight to hell

Chattastrophe!

I think I've pretty much decided to leave it.

My parents are very strict Catholics, and I know they are going to be genuinely very upset when they find out we won't be having a Christening. I nearly feel like I'd be rubbing it in their faces a bit by having an alternative ceremony.

Their families are also all very much Catholic, and I know it's my parents that would end up fielding the phone calls if their siblings received invitations to a ceremony that's not a Christening. Wouldn't really be fair on them.

Instead we'll probably have a really big party for his first birthday - I know it's a while to wait, but at least the focus will be on him then. I feel that if we had any sort of alternative ceremony, it would be overshadowed by the fact that it wouldn't be a Christening.

Thanks for all the suggestions and advice!

Mr_A

One thing to bear in mind- some Catholics would take the view that if you're not taking it's an insult to have the RC ceremony rather than not to have it- certainly my mother would take that view. On the other hand both my parents were pretty hardcore Catholics and thoroughly enjoyed the naming day we had for my daughter.

Delirium

If I ever have kids, it's a circle of life ceremony! :P

Cabaal

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

My parents are very strict Catholics, and I know they are going to be genuinely very upset when they find out we won't be having a Christening. I nearly feel like I'd be rubbing it in their faces a bit by having an alternative ceremony.

I know of several Catholics that know for a fact myself and my wife don't see ourselves as catholic but yet they have no problem in looking for us...particularly my wife to

- go to mass
- go to communion
- if there's a kid it must be christianed

it makes no sense on any level to me, they know and accept the none belief but have no problem saying the mass stuff and all that goes with it should still happen.

Insane imho
:rolleyes:

Brian Shanahan

ShaShaBear wrote: »

there are a few "armchair republican" family members who will not be happy either, but I've grown a pair and will be telling them to stuff it.

You can always tell them that the church's position during all Irish rebellions against the British crown was to support the crown, including the war of Independence. The rcc has pretty much been consistently anti-Irish freedom whenever the issue was raised, since before the time of Strongbow.

Hotblack Desiato

^ Then when it's clear the other side is going to win, they switch sides and claim to have supported them all along. Then subvert what was supposed to be a freedom movement for the Irish people into one which represses them even worse.

Piliger

I see no problem here except of your own making. This is YOUR child and that is all that matters.

I recommend having a "Welcome party" for whatever his/her name is. Welcome him/her into the world and into the family.

robindch

ninja900 wrote: »

[...] claim to have supported them all along [...]

This is certainly made easier if you control the majority of the history-learning.

I Heart Internet

bluewolf wrote: »

I think having the party at home sounds like a great idea, and have a big moment where you walk in with the baby

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuX4xe42iHo

It's a case of whatever you are both comfortable and happy with yourselves. Agree that, regardless of how you do it, it's nice to make a fuss over the start of a new life.

kylith

Some friends of mine mixed some soil from their home counties and planted a seed for their daughter's naming ceremony. A lot of people didn't pay much attention while they were doing it, possibly they didn't realise what was going on.

Personally I'm all for just walking in, saying the baby's name, and calling it a day.

Some of my older siblings just did nothing, but we're the type of family to all call in and see a baby so there was no real need for an introduction party.

smacl

eviltwin wrote: »

We didn't do anything, toyed with the idea of a naming ceremony but then thought what was the point...it just felt like we were doing it because there was an expectation that we do something to parallel a traditional baptism. In the end we didn't bother.

We didn't really bother with our two either, though a couple of spontaneous parties seemed to erupt with various friends and family. I'm not a huge fan of formalising occasions and adding ceremony where it is not really required, particularly if the prime purpose is just to pacify the family. IMHO, humanist woo is just as stifling and pithy as Christian woo, so substituting one with the other is no great leap forward.

Best introduction to both my kids was helping deliver them, giving them their first wash, and then getting their mother and them ensconced back in the house ASAP. Having family and friends come over in dribs and drabs rather than as some big organised event in my mind is also far more pleasant.

robindch

kylith wrote: »

Personally I'm all for just walking in, saying the baby's name, and calling it a day.

That's what we did, more or less. Popette was there by coincidence, and announced during proceedings that she disagreed with the our choice of name.

//sigh