Would you be a godparent?

Dave!

Hey folks,

My brother asked me the other night to be godfather to his daughter. I told him I'd do it, and truth be told I've been angling for it since the daughter before this one

Does this damage my atheist credentials in some way? Would you be a godparent?

They already know I'm an atheist, but I did explicitly tell him that I'd be going through the motions when it comes to the ceremony, and that if it holds some religious significance for him then he should ask someone else.

I'm mostly interested in it insofar as it's the parents indicating that they trust me and want me to have a particular relationship with the child. I'm not aware of a secular equivalent.

Corvo Attano

Dave! wrote: »

Does this damage my atheist credentials in some way? Would you be a godparent?

Its not a points game. If you feel like its against your morals dont do it. Its really your choice in the end.

I'd see it as no different to being put in a position of elevated responsibility over other relatives.
The secular equivalent in my eyes would simply be a role model.

Edit: That first line reads very sharply. I dont mean anything by it.

After attending a couple of christenings in the last few years and listening to what is actually involved, no, I don't think I could

Cabaal

I am to my brothers kid, the title is utter nonsense and I told him outright that all the crap said in church is meaningless.

Do you reject Satan has as much meaning to me as...do you reject the Goldy locks and the three bears,
But then I was straight up when I compromised with the church wedding, told everyone the church part to me was nonsense.

Oh man there's going to be war when kids come along :pac:

magicbastarder

i am one. i was told to smile and say nothing on the altar. the priest didn't say anything which required me to respond, so i didn't burst into flames or anything.

lazygal

No, couldn't do it. I don't like the meaning of the ceremony and don't like the words. I wouldn't do it, and to me it would be,however subtly, supporting the indoctrination of am infant which I don't agree with.

Obliq

Would I be a godparent? No, but I would be like a god parent. As good as a godparent.

If it was me that someone was asking to be 'god parent', they would know they were getting me and god doesn't come into it. Isn't the idea of a 'god parent' that you are that special person/s, who in the event of the real parent's death, is trusted to take on their child and bring them up in the next best way possible? That's totally flattering and a wonderful responsibility, but anyone asking that of me would know the child would be brought up by a full-on atheist, so they'd know not to be calling me a 'god parent'. I'd have to be just the person they picked to take on that role. That would be cool. There could still be a solemn swearing-in ceremony and a massive celebration!

Obliq

Obliq wrote: »

Would I be a godparent? No, but I would be like a god parent. As good as a godparent.

If it was me that someone was asking to be 'god parent', they would know they were getting me and god doesn't come into it. Isn't the idea of a 'god parent' that you are that special person/s, who in the event of the real parent's death, is trusted to take on their child and bring them up in the next best way possible?

I don't think you get them in case of their death unless the will says so. It's just about spiritual upbringing

Mr_A

I'm a god parent and it's grand. l do occasionally tend to my god daughter's spiritual upbringing by gently reminding her that religion is complete and utter nonsense. Her parents are cool with that, they knew exactly what they were getting when they asked me.

If the parents aren't expecting you to actually pretend to go along with the BS and you're free to be yourself around the kid, then take it as an honour and enjoy the day out is my attitude.

robindch

Dave! wrote: »

I'm mostly interested in it insofar as it's the parents indicating that they trust me and want me to have a particular relationship with the child.

Been a while since I've seen the exact text of the conditions, but basically, the purpose of the "godparent" relationship is for you to ensure that the child is suitably indoctrinated in the parents' chosen religion. And you'll be asked to promise, in public, that you'll do that. I don't think I could stand up and agree to conditions like that now, knowing ahead of time that I wouldn't indoctrinate the child.

As you say, though, there's quite a difference between what parents think of godparenting and what the church's view of it is. Perhaps your brother isn't aware of that, or has chosen to ignore it?

Dave! wrote: »

I'm not aware of a secular equivalent.

The term "goodparent" and "goodchild" might be worth promoting

Obliq

bluewolf wrote: »

I don't think you get them in case of their death unless the will says so. It's just about spiritual upbringing

Oooh!! I don't know any god parents very well! Totally thought it was about taking on the upbringing (and religious indoctrination) of said child, in event of parent's death. I guess I never researched it, or commented any further beyond "that's nice" when someone says they've been asked to be godparent....

Obliq

Obliq wrote: »

Oooh!! I don't know any god parents very well! Totally thought it was about taking on the upbringing (and religious indoctrination) of said child, in event of parent's death. I guess I never researched it, or commented any further beyond "that's nice" when someone says they've been asked to be godparent....

It's a common idea, I'm not sure where it comes from!

stesaurus

I'm a God parent to my nephew since I was about 13. Had I have been asked a year or two later than that I would have said no but at 13 I hadn't quite understood how I felt about religion and realised I'm an atheist.
My family all know my feelings on religion at this stage and wouldn't ask me again. I just couldn't partake in any ceremony within a church. I attend events if I feel I have to but no way would I give credence to it by playing along.
It's a personal choice though and as long as everyone is aware of your opinions and what it would mean to you then why not?

eviltwin

I'm one, I was unsure about doing it but it meant a lot to the couple so I did it for them in the end, I don't attach any significance to it. I wouldn't do it again though if I were to be asked in the future.

Eggonyerface

No... I couldn't do it. I'd have to politely decline

SmilingLurker

No, I have politely declined twice. Once for my niece, once for my friend. In RC and COI ceremonies you have to declare your belief in god. (All versions).

This caused a lot of friction with my mother. However it saved a lot of hassle longer term, nobody expects our two to be christened.

micar

I would love to be asked. I was kinda hoping to be asked.

My sister had a little girl 15 months ago. Either she or her other half are religious. So my niece has not been christened. But, that's their choice.

magicbastarder

SmilingLurker wrote: »

In RC and COI ceremonies you have to declare your belief in god. (All versions).

i didn't have to say anything at the ceremony where i became one.

eviltwin

magicbastarder wrote: »

i didn't have to say anything at the ceremony where i became one.

Me neither, in fact the priest who did the bapthism knows the family and knows I'm atheist. I was half expecting him to refuse to allow me to stand for the child but fair play to him he hadn't an issue with it. ( I know some priests are a bit more strict about it )

endacl

I got into a bit of a debate on here last year on the same topic. My sister and her husband asked me to take a particular role in the life of my gorgeous little niece, which I was happy and honoured to do. Thinking about refusing based on high-horsey academic notions of 'I couldn't support that sorta thing' left a bad taste in my mouth at the time. Neither parent is a believer and went for the service due to family expectation from one side. I joined them in their discomfort, and then went for a nice meal. Baby's head dried quickly.

I'm kinda live and let live. It was their choice to make and I support them in that. My going 'thou shalt not' would have been embarrassingly ironic in the context.

clairefontaine

No because I'd be really bad at it.

wretcheddomain

No - because it's meaningless to me and almost as meaningless for the person asking. It's usually just done out of tradition. There's nothing 'God' and nothing 'Parent' about a Godparent.

Corvo Attano

wretcheddomain wrote: »

nothing 'Parent' about a Godparent.

Mine ha's been a role model to me, visits regularly and offered to pay towards my college education.

Hotblack Desiato

endacl wrote: »

Thinking about refusing based on high-horsey academic notions of 'I couldn't support that sorta thing' left a bad taste in my mouth at the time. Neither parent is a believer and went for the service due to family expectation from one side.

I really think parents in this situation need to cop on, they've no right to impose their view on others.

I'm kinda live and let live.

Problem is, a lot of religious/cultural catholics aren't! The cultural catholics are probably a lot worse tbh, a person who really believes that a ceremony has an important religious meaning wouldn't be trying to drag someone into going through the motions.

wp_rathead

I'm a godparent, family knows I am an athiest, I felt it was an honour that they asked me.

All it means is that you get to spoil the child for next 21 years with presents..

endacl

ninja900 wrote: »

I really think parents in this situation need to cop on, they've no right to impose their view on others.




Problem is, a lot of religious/cultural catholics aren't! The cultural catholics are probably a lot worse tbh, a person who really believes that a ceremony has an important religious meaning wouldn't be trying to drag someone into going through the motions.

We had the same conversation last time this came up!

wretcheddomain

Corvo Attano wrote: »

Mine ha's been a role model to me, visits regularly and offered to pay towards my college education.

In other words, you're exploiting her...

Tim Robbins

Dave! wrote: »

Hey folks,

My brother asked me the other night to be godfather to his daughter. I told him I'd do it, and truth be told I've been angling for it since the daughter before this one

Does this damage my atheist credentials in some way? Would you be a godparent?

They already know I'm an atheist, but I did explicitly tell him that I'd be going through the motions when it comes to the ceremony, and that if it holds some religious significance for him then he should ask someone else.

I'm mostly interested in it insofar as it's the parents indicating that they trust me and want me to have a particular relationship with the child. I'm not aware of a secular equivalent.

People have argued about religion and have never agreed, so it is your choice.
I wouldn't do it. Not because of the wackiness of the Catholic Church but because of their raping of children and subsequent cover ups.

It irks the hell out of me they way they control schools and so many go along with it but the raping of children is possible is the most evil thing that ever happened in this state.

Don't forget the CEO of Catholic Church in Ireland, Sean Brady asked children who were raped to sign oaths promising they would never tell anyone. I would buy your brother a copy of Murphy Report, ask him to read it and then ask you again to be a Godparent.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-17894419

Brian Shanahan

I wouldn't do it, because as I don't believe I'd feel a right hypocrite (accurately) going through the motions standing beside the priest.

Though I'd thank the parents for the honour, that they think me suitable to help guide their child.

Brian Shanahan

I wouldn't do it, because as I don't believe I'd feel a right hypocrite (accurately) going through the motions standing beside the priest.

Though I'd thank the parents for the honour, that they think me suitable to help guide their child.

SmilingLurker

magicbastarder wrote: »

i didn't have to say anything at the ceremony where i became one.

All the official published ceremonies do say it. I checked. I dislike the idea anyway, so it would have been a no anyway.

donspeekinglesh

Yeah, but if there's several babies being christened it's very easy to stand there and not open your mouth. We christened my son, the only time I opened my mouth during the entire ceremony was to yawn.

endacl

donspeekinglesh wrote: »

the only time I opened my mouth during the entire ceremony was to yawn.

Because you donspeekenglish?

Czarcasm

wretcheddomain wrote: »

No - because it's meaningless to me and almost as meaningless for the person asking. It's usually just done out of tradition. There's nothing 'God' and nothing 'Parent' about a Godparent.

Between the sweeping statement about anyone else's reasons but your own, or the fact that you clearly don't understand the idea of being a Godparent, I'm nearly sure you're just being purposely obtuse, because no rational minded person could be that ignorant surely!

Corvo Attano wrote: »

Mine ha's been a role model to me, visits regularly and offered to pay towards my college education.

wretcheddomain wrote: »

In other words, you're exploiting her...

Seems I may have been wrong about my statement above. Nowhere in their post did Corvo mention that they exploited their Godparent, there's no "in other words" about it, only what you want to twist it to say, and it takes some twisting to turn "been a mentor to me, visits me regularly and offered to pay my college fees" into "exploited".

Corvo Attano

wretcheddomain wrote: »

In other words, you're exploiting her...

Woah, woah, woah. Slow your role there. Tell me where the exploitation is occurring and I will happily set you straight on the issue.

rughdh

SmilingLurker wrote: »

No, I have politely declined twice. Once for my niece, once for my friend. In RC and COI ceremonies you have to declare your belief in god. (All versions).

This caused a lot of friction with my mother. However it saved a lot of hassle longer term, nobody expects our two to be christened.

I have been asked twice by siblings and declined twice too. Both siblings understood. I was touched that they asked though, but also a little puzzled as to why they thought I would accept. I have never attended a christening as an adult, including the knees-up afterwards.

Galvasean

If my interpretation of what a Godparent is supposed to be (ie: the person who makes sure the kid grows up in the Christian faith in the potential absence of their parents) then I'd have to decline. I'd be really crap at bringing someone up as a Catholic. Like, REALLY crap.

magicbastarder

same here. and my brother happily acknowledged that. he told me my main responsibility would be to buy her decent birthday and christmas presents from here on in. i've had (and will have) precisely zero input into any religion in her upbringing, and no-one is under any illusions about that.

Doctor DooM

Galvasean wrote: »

If my interpretation of what a Godparent is supposed to be (ie: the person who makes sure the kid grows up in the Christian faith in the potential absence of their parents) then I'd have to decline. I'd be really crap at bringing someone up as a Catholic. Like, REALLY crap.

I don't know, I'm reasonably sure you understand more about what a Catholic is than most people who call than most Catholics

biko

I already am a godparent to two separate kids.
What were the parents thinking lol.

Tbh, for us it's more a traditional thing. They know full well I wouldn't push Jesus on their kids.

Sulla Felix

I would, and hopefully will be.

I kind of look forward to making a mockery of the original intent.

Hotblack Desiato

biko wrote: »

I already am a godparent to two separate kids.
What were the parents thinking lol.

Tbh, for us it's more a traditional thing. They know full well I wouldn't push Jesus on their kids.

No, but it still involves standing up in a church and publicly endorsing the RCC and all it has ever done and all it stands for.

It would be nice to see a lot more people refusing to get involved with RCC ceremonies, on principle. Not because they're atheists or agnostics necessarliy, but because of the RCC and its failure to reform and repent.

Tipsy McSwagger

Yes, because I would consider it an honour to be asked and it would create a type of special bond with my godchild. I also honestly think atheists/agnostics would make the best godparents.

Mr_A

I didn't have to say a word when I became a God Parent. It was ages ago so I don't remember much in the way of detail, but I certainly didn't speak. Maybe it's different now, or varies with different priests.

swampgas

This has been discussed before (like many topics), one of the most moving posts I read was back in 2010 by Permabear, where he described going along with the ceremony as an atheist parent:

Permabear wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

It would be interesting to know how many atheist godparents have had similar regrets.

fg1406

I couldn't be. Purely on the basis of what is said at the ceremony. That said I am a "guardian" to my cousins little girl. We had a naming ceremony where the 2 guardians were given similar roles as a godparent, just without the hocus pocus stuff.

Brian Shanahan

Tipsy McSwagger wrote: »

Yes, because I would consider it an honour to be asked and it would create a type of special bond with my godchild. I also honestly think atheists/agnostics would make the best godparents.

So a person who doesn't believe in god is the best kind of person to "teach" a child that god is real, and causes everything?

Somehow I don't think so.

Tipsy McSwagger

Brian Shanahan wrote: »

So a person who doesn't believe in god is the best kind of person to "teach" a child that god is real, and causes everything?

Somehow I don't think so.

Could you point out where I said an atheist is going to teach a child about God?

lazygal

Tipsy McSwagger wrote: »

Could you point out where I said an atheist is going to teach a child about God?

And a god parent is......?

Corvo Attano

lazygal wrote: »

And a god parent is......?

Not expected to do that unless the parents are super religious and expect that. Which I imagine isnt the case if the OP is considering this.

Tipsy McSwagger

lazygal wrote: »

And a god parent is......?

.......... someone who gives their godchild €20 on their birthday in most cases.