Moment of Truth: one womans abortion story.

Morag

Just wanted to let people know this is on at 10:30 this evening on RTE1.


http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/why-are-we-still-afraid-to-talk-out-about-this-29839085.html

An estimated 5,000 women travel abroad each year to access safe and legal abortion services. Within Ireland, abortion is still an issue that very much divides public opinion and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. For some, however, it is not simply a controversial debate, but a reality that they no longer want brushed under the carpet.

One young woman who travelled to the UK in her late teens to undergo an abortion has broken her silence on why she felt let down by the State for the necessity to seek a termination in a foreign country.

And why she will no longer accept the aura of shame and secrecy associated with the subject.

Dublin woman Danielle opens up to RTE presenter Blathnaid Ni Chofaigh about her termination experience in the latest offering of The Moment of Truth, airing tonight.

I think she is being very brave and it's and unprecedented interview.
Hopefully she won't too much abuse after it's shown.

Jenneke87

She's very brave to do so on television. I gave an interview recently for a newspaper about my abortion story and to tell you the truth, I do fear for a backlash, yet at the same time I feel like it has been the right decision, we shouldn't be shamed into hiding, or made to feel like we are murders guilty of a horrible crime.

eviltwin

Jenneke87 wrote: »

She's very brave to do so on television. I gave an interview recently for a newspaper about my abortion story and to tell you the truth, I do fear for a backlash, yet at the same time I feel like it has been the right decision, we shouldn't be shamed into hiding, or made to feel like we are murders guilty of a horrible crime.

Ditto, I did an interview but only on the condition they didn't use my real name. I wish I had been brave enough now to be open but was scared of the backlash. Now I couldn't care less. I think Danielle is amazing, I want to thank her for speaking out.

Morag

If people want to watch it online they can do so here.
http://www.aertv.ie/#rte-one

CaraMay

Just saw the interview and she came across very well. I may not agree with abortion but I have the height of respect for her telling her story. Fair play to her.

tallaghtmick

Sat with her as she watched it, shes so brave a pioneer in my eyes

meeeeh

eviltwin wrote: »

Ditto, I did an interview but only on the condition they didn't use my real name. I wish I had been brave enough now to be open but was scared of the backlash. Now I couldn't care less. I think Danielle is amazing, I want to thank her for speaking out.

I don't think there's anything wrong with not using your name. It's a personal decision and people should talk about personal decisions in a way they are comfortable to do.

Anyway I caught the end of the programme and she spoke about the subject well. I do wish that the presenter would use less emotional tone. I think discussion about abortion should be normalized and women treated less as permanent victims on one side or murderers on the other.

Morag

I agree I was cringing with the angle/tatics Blathnaid was using.

Malari

Morag wrote: »

I agree I was cringing with the angle/tatics Blathnaid was using.

meeeeh wrote: »

I don't think there's anything wrong with not using your name. It's a personal decision and people should talk about personal decisions in a way they are comfortable to do.

Anyway I caught the end of the programme and she spoke about the subject well. I do wish that the presenter would use less emotional tone. I think discussion about abortion should be normalized and women treated less as permanent victims on one side or murderers on the other.

I caught a few minutes, but that's the main reason I didn't really want to watch the rest. And that they'd focus on that fact that she has kids she loves now ("see, she's not a TOTAL monster" :rolleyes:)

CaraMay

That's the name of the game on that programme though. It probably was a bad choice of forum to do the interview on. The presenter is very weak in general and not suited for interviews like this.

eviltwin

CaraMay wrote: »

That's the name of the game on that programme though. It probably was a bad choice of forum to do the interview on. The presenter is very weak in general and not suited for interviews like this.

Exactly, it comes under the banner of religious programming so its to be expected there is to be a bias.

rainbow kirby

Blathnaid had that awful faux-care voice on for most of it, and it seemed to me like she was struggling not to get *really* judgemental.

Really do wish people could be more open about this sort of thing, in general. The stigma needs to end.

lazygal

Malari wrote: »

I caught a few minutes, but that's the main reason I didn't really want to watch the rest. And that they'd focus on that fact that she has kids she loves now ("see, she's not a TOTAL monster" :rolleyes:)

Agree with this, as soon as I read she had children afterwards I knew what to expect. It's up there with 'I'm prochoice but I'd never have one myself', as though there's a need to qualify the statement.

The Sweeper

lazygal wrote: »

Agree with this, as soon as I read she had children afterwards I knew what to expect. It's up there with 'I'm prochoice but I'd never have one myself', as though there's a need to qualify the statement.

LOL, +1 to this - I'm an awful bitch, I tell people I'm pro-abortion specifically because I hate the 'pro-choice but I'd NEVER' argument.

meeeeh

I'm not surprised with the very soft approach. It's easier for people to relate to someone who has later children. Or to a woman who had abortion because the baby wouldn't survive but kept a child with some disability later. (On Matt Cooper) makes people who are just about in favour more secure in their choice. Btw there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have an abortion and supporting other woman's right to choose. Very often more militant position just makes people roll their eyes and ignore the referendum. I've done it myself on completely different subject.

Despite all this I still dislike presenter's style. Now that I know this was under religious programmes I also know why I never saw her before.

seenitall

Glad I missed it now.

Blathnaid is simply unwatchable for me, the woman is as full of herself as the day is long.

Morag

There is a myth that women who have abortions never want to have children or hate children,
when many who have abortions already have children or go on to have children.
It is a myth that needs dispelling.

lazygal

lazygal wrote: »

Agree with this, as soon as I read she had children afterwards I knew what to expect. It's up there with 'I'm prochoice but I'd never have one myself', as though there's a need to qualify the statement.

That drives me mad because you're inferring something not implied. When someone says that they are stating their choice and are recognising others are entitled to theirs. That's what prochoice is, right?

There doesn't have to be a subtext, it is most likely just the truth. You do people an unnecessary disservice by imagining otherwise. Its actually quite judgemental in itself.

seenitall

Morag wrote: »

There is a myth that women who have abortions never want to have children or hate children,
when many who have abortions already have children or go on to have children.
It is a myth that needs dispelling.

Ignorance would be a better term than myth.

Abortion has been so deeply underground for so long, that the situation has engendered a most appalling ignorance of life's realities in many people.

Clerics prefer to call it innocence.

The Sweeper

Candie wrote: »

That drives me mad because you're inferring something not implied. When someone says that they are stating their choice and are recognising others are entitled to theirs. That's what prochoice is, right?

There doesn't have to be a subtext, it is most likely just the truth. You do people an unnecessary disservice by imagining otherwise. Its actually quite judgemental in itself.

I hear where you're coming from, but I don't understand why the two need to go together in some folks' conversation.

'I'm pro-choice'. That's fine.

'I would never have an abortion'. That's also fine.

'I'm pro-choice, BUT I would never have an abortion myself'. ...what?

Why would you need to qualify your pro-choice stance? 'I'm pro-choice BUT I'd NEVER have an abortion myself'. <--that's the specific phrase that makes me raise my eyebrows - that specific wording. The REASON for that wording. Not a conversation about choice where you declare you wouldn't abort and also declare you're pro choice - but the specific phrase, 'But I would NEVER...'

That's the position I wonder about. If you're pro-choice you're pro-choice - including being pro your own right to choose depending on the situation you're in at the time. Why qualify that you'd NEVER do it yourself? Why add that to the end of 'pro-choice'?

Sounds to me like 'Well YOU can kill your babies if you want, and I support that you have the choice to do it, but of course I would NEVER do something so obscene myself. Aren't I magnanimous.'

The whole point of the pro-choice position I personally take on abortion is that it's nobody else's business what you choose to do with your body. If you're pro-choice that's fine - but don't then tell me in the same sentence that you'd never have an abortion yourself. The whole point is that it's every woman's own business to choose what she needs to do in the moment - declaring that you'd never do something places an absolute on a decision that's supposed to be fluid.

How do you know you'd never have an abortion yourself?

The specific wording is like some sort of defensive soundbyte - feels like a throwaway comment to ensure that whoever you're talking to realises you're not a bad person, like one of those evil women who abort babies.

"I'm pro choice, but I'd never have an abortion, including if I discovered my unborn child had a fetal abnormality that would mean permanent and crippling disability, or my pregnancy was as the result of a rape, or even of a gang rape; I wouldn't abort if I was told I had no chance of ever carrying my pregnancy to term, or I was told my pregnancy was a direct and real risk to my continuing mental and physical health, nope, I've considered all those things and I wouldn't have an abortion, even in those circumstances, never, not ever." <-- I've yet to hear it.

Don't get me wrong - nobody needs to defend themselves over the fact that they feel they'd never have an abortion. But being pro-choice means it's your business what you'd do in a given situation. Deliver that sentence like some sort of stock phrase, adding 'I'd never' to the end of a stance that supports the right of a woman to make a decision based on present circumstance, absolutely sounds like subtext.

The Sweeper

The Sweeper wrote: »

Don't get me wrong - nobody needs to defend themselves over the fact that they feel they'd never have an abortion. But being pro-choice means it's your business what you'd do in a given situation. Deliver that sentence like some sort of stock phrase, adding 'I'd never' to the end of a stance that supports the right of a woman to make a decision based on present circumstance, absolutely sounds like subtext.

I hear where you're coming from too, genuinely.

Lots of women are absolutely adamant that they would definitely abort under some of the circumstances you mention above, and no one questions if they're sure of that or not, or suggests that they couldn't possibly make that decision. No one suggests a subtext either.

It not acceptable to expect women who's choices might differ to keep silent or suspect them of some undefined malice, while wanting your opinions and choices listened to and respected. It's not okay to say you respect each others choices and you want the right to state your choices without judgement, while wanting one side to keep their choices to themselves.

It seems okay to suggest that someone who adamantly says she wouldn't might not really know her own mind, and is subtly or passively aggressively projecting judgment.

Prochoice works both ways. You should be free to state your position either way without anything negative being inferred because your choice is different. No one should be judged either way.

For the record, I've no idea how I'd feel about a crisis pregnancy, or what I'd choose in a number of circumstances. But that doesn't mean I don't think other people don't know their own minds, either way.

There is nothing inherently wrong with stating you respect other peoples possible choices, and stating your own.

uisce33

I know it's been a long time since the programme was aired but can it still be viewed I missed it and would like yo see it.sounds like a brave lady.

Morag

Yes you should be able to view it here http://www.rte.ie/tv/momentoftruth/programmes.html

Also Dannille will be taking part in a panel discussion the media silence around abortion this Saturday
as part of Too Loud a Silence: Abortion and Censorship in Irish Media after the screening of [URL="Too Loud a Silence: Abortion and Censorship in Irish Media - See more at: http://www.abortionrightscampaign.ie/2014/02/14/too-loud-a-silence-abortion-and-censorship-in-irish-media/#sthash.VlwkHtYN.dpuf"]50,000 secret journeys.[/URL]

we'llallhavetea

hate the stigma about abortion, its actually mental. like i would call myself a fairly open book and will reveal anything about myself to people. but when it comes to abortion the stigma is that bad that i have to choose very carefully who i tell. i've had a family member tell me they are pro-choice and in the same breath ask me "do you not feel bad about it?" um, if i was going to feel bad about it, why the hell would i have one? what i feel really bad about is the fact that i had to travel outside my own country like a criminal to have an abortion. fcuking nightmare.

Morag

I would love to see something like this run here
https://exhaleprovoice.org/pro-voice-community

Pro Voice, that is support groups for women who have had abortions to come together and share their stories.
To find their Voice to talk about their Choice.

It is very hard to break the stigma, esp when the media here ignores events like this one.
http://www.pri.org/stories/2014-02-21/how-tweeting-story-secret-abortion-shocked-ireland

It's had coverage from french, Swedish, UK, USA and international press outlets but no Irish media so far.

eviltwin

Morag wrote: »

I would love to see something like this run here
https://exhaleprovoice.org/pro-voice-community

Pro Voice, that is support groups for women who have had abortions to come together and share their stories.
To find their Voice to talk about their Choice.

It is very hard to break the stigma, esp when the media here ignores events like this one.
http://www.pri.org/stories/2014-02-21/how-tweeting-story-secret-abortion-shocked-ireland

It's had coverage from french, Swedish, UK, USA and international press outlets but no Irish media so far.

That exhale program looks amazing! something like that is badly needed here. You only have to look at the stats for women who travel and yet so few people talk about it even to their close friends, and sometimes you don't really want to talk to your friends because they don't know how to respond or they just don't get it. I'm very open about my abortion and have a few people who I can talk to about it if I need to get something off my chest and I'm one of the women who have no issues with it, no regrets or lingering sadness. Imagine you are feelng down or confused or just want to publically acknowledge it and you have nowhere to do that.