Passed? No dead actually

SeaDaily

Just wondering does the phrase "passed away" annoy anyone else? As in when someone dies and people say that they passed away. I hate when people say this, nobodys has passed to anywhere, they have died. It's a total irrational hatred but it just rubs me up the wrong way when people say it.

It comes across to me as a way of evading the fact that the person has actually died. Do people not like saying the "death" word or what's the story?

Mickey H

It's probably still better in a social context to say "passed away" than to say:

he calfed
he expired
called it off
kicked the bucket
gave up drink & fags for good
etc....

Chucken

SeaDaily wrote: »

, nobodys has passed to anywhere,

Not everyone would agree with you.

catallus

It's just a social way of getting along with things. Like when you say "Thank You." to people instead of "Fcuk you."

therealme

When you loose somebody you love it can be very hard to accept it - saying it makes it too real when feelings are so raw. After going through it many times, it is easier to say they have passed away.

SeaDaily

Chucken wrote: »

Not everyone would agree with you.

I presume you're referring to the fact that people believe in heaven. If there is such a thing people don't "pass to heaven" they "die and go to heaven". Why are people so afraid to say someone has died?

Frosty McSnowballs

Better than "snuffed it", "croaked it", "did a Maddie" etc.

ollaetta

Doesn't bug me as such but I do notice how many people say it now instead of "died". Suppose they think in some way it's a gentler or less stark way of saying it, if that makes sense. What does sound daft though is the way Yanks say just "passed" without the away bit.

Chucken

SeaDaily wrote: »

I presume you're referring to the fact that people believe in heaven. If there is such a thing people don't "pass to heaven" they "die and go to heaven". Why are people so afraid to say someone has died?

Because its very final? Its much more gentle to say they've passed on/away.

When someone close dies, it can take a long time for it to sink in that they are actually dead.

pharmaton

Probably over thinking it op, was with someone who "passed away" and that's probably a fair description of what happened, they just slipped away y'know?

Tzardine

What about this

original.jpg

Driveby Dogboy

Muise...

it annoys me too. Someday I will die, and if anyone says I "passed away" with all the polite nodding and shushing and biting of lips that goes with it, I'll haunt the fcuk out of them from the dimension into which I died.

ElizaT33

Ah here - we're Irish - we avoid everything that doesn't sit right with us and make a different version of it ....! To "pass away" is the "swept under the carpet" version of to "die" .... Simple:rolleyes:

Just like when our Country is in the TOILET, we call it a Recession - no blame on the eejits who run the Country at all, at all .....

pharmaton

hey Billys missus

ElizaT33

pharmaton wrote: »

hey Billys missus

Please say you took your "Meds" today .....:eek:

pharmaton

ElizaT33 wrote: »

Please say you took your "Meds" today .....:eek:

only the blue ones, I'm all out of the red ones best blame the gubberment

brooke 2

Chucken wrote: »

Because its very final? Its much more gentle to say they've passed on/away.

When someone close dies, it can take a long time for it to sink in that they are actually dead.

Very true. When my mother died I found it very difficult to say the words as they were so final.

Hownowcow

Muise... wrote: »

it annoys me too. Someday I will die, and if anyone says I "passed away" with all the polite nodding and shushing and biting of lips that goes with it, I'll haunt the fcuk out of them from the dimension into which I died.

And that is fair enough.

But I think that it is more about those you leave behind who cared about you, and others who care about or respect them, trying to accept your loss in a gentle manner.

ElizaT33

pharmaton wrote: »

only the blue ones, I'm all out of the red ones best blame the gubberment

You can have my Medical Card and everyone else's ..... ok??? I PROMISE we're all on Social Welfare, so go easy on us ....!:D

pharmaton

ElizaT33 wrote: »

You can have my Medical Card and everyone else's ..... ok??? I PROMISE we're all on Social Welfare, so go easy on us ....!:D

no worries, hope Billys doing ok.

Ffs, people really get wound up over anything.

No, I don't get pissed off if people choose to use words to make a difficult time easier for them.

Legs.Eleven

Chucken wrote: »

Not everyone would agree with you.

I don't like the assumption that everyone believes in an afterlife though by its common use.


I understand the finality of what happened is hard and the word "death" can be shocking but there has to be an alternative less grating to those of us who don't believe in anything.

Karl Stein

'Fallen' is another one that's used to mask the brutality of war when it's used to describe the incredibly violent deaths of soldiers.

De Bellem

The person communicating their feelings in any form once genuine should be appreciated
and accepted in the manner it is given

brooke 2

ollaetta wrote: »

Doesn't bug me as such but I do notice how may people say it now instead of "died". Suppose they think in some way it's a gentler or less stark way of saying it, if that makes sense. What does sound daft though is the way Yanks say just "passed" without the away bit.

Was in New York shortly after 9/11. Driving in the car with my cousin and her four year old son when she was talking about
an upcoming commemoration for all those in the locality who
were 'lost' in the Twin Towers. A little voice piped up from the
back of the car: 'Mom, they were not lost. They died.'!!

Chucken

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I don't like the assumption that everyone believes in an afterlife though by its common use.


I understand the finality of what happened is hard and the word "death" can be shocking but there has to be an alternative less grating to those of us who don't believe in anything.

Would you honestly be offended by words if a loved one had died?

*Oh, remember now family, Legs doesn't believe in anything so choose your words*

Sorry but it sounds like getting "offended" for the sake of it.

Legs.Eleven

Chucken wrote: »

Would you honestly be offended by words if a loved one had died?

*Oh, remember now family, Legs doesn't believe in anything so choose your words*

Sorry but it sounds like getting "offended" for the sake of it.

Did I use the word offended?


Edit: Course I wouldn't be offended and wouldn't hold the use of the word against anyone but a more neutral expression that doesn't imply the person has past on to an afterlife would be nice. The overuse of the word grates on me (as in irritates me, not offends me).

ElizaT33

I think "passed away" is a lot more sensitive phraseology wise TBH. I watched a very good friend die of cancer 4 years ago - thankfully due to the excellent nursing staff, he did "pass away" peacefully and his wife and friends had time with him in candlelight just before he "died" ..... RIP Mike ...X

catallus

miss no stars

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I don't like the assumption that everyone believes in an afterlife though by its common use.


I understand the finality of what happened is hard and the word "death" can be shocking but there has to be an alternative less grating to those of us who don't believe in anything.

I don't believe in any higher power or afterlife. I also don't get offended or find it grating when people say someone passed away. So less implying that all atheists are totally unreasonable about people being delicate at a time when there's so much hurt.

Legs.Eleven

miss no stars wrote: »

I don't believe in any higher power or afterlife. I also don't get offended or find it grating when people say someone passed away. So less implying that all atheists are totally unreasonable about people being delicate at a time when there's so much hurt.

That's a very OTT post.


Again, when did I say I find it offensive?


I said I find it irritating. Mildy irritating and there was no implication that I speak for all atheists or at least I didn't intend it that way. It doesn't keep me awake at night but I don't like it. I'm speaking for myself.


Relax the cacks there, love.

Muise...

Hownowcow wrote: »

And that is fair enough.

But I think that it is more about those you leave behind who cared about you, and others who care about or respect them, trying to accept your loss in a gentle manner.

Arra, it's going to hurt (well, maybe not when it's my turn ), but I'm of the school of thought that says pull the sticky plaster off quick. It'll hurt like fcuk, but then you'll have a stiff drink and get on with things.

I don't think it assumes an afterlife. Passed into death. Passed into sleep. Not necessarily passed into the next life.

I know plenty of atheists who use the term.

Sam Kade

ElizaT33 wrote: »

Ah here - we're Irish - we avoid everything that doesn't sit right with us and make a different version of it ....! To "pass away" is the "swept under the carpet" version of to "die" .... Simple:rolleyes:

Just like when our Country is in the TOILET, we call it a Recession - no blame on the eejits who run the Country at all, at all .....

Yeah just like people who always look at things negatively :rolleyes:

miss no stars

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

That's a very OTT post.


Again, when did I say I find it offensive?


I said I find it irritating. Mildy irritating and there was no implication that I speak for all atheists or at least I didn't intend it that way. It doesn't keep me awake at night but I don't like it. I'm speaking for myself.


Relax the cacks there, love.

"there has to be an alternative less grating to those of us who don't believe in anything."

That was the implication. Those of us who don't believe in anything find it grating. Well, I don't believe in anything and don't find it grating. Therefore I dislike being included in your statement. Statements like that get atheists a reputation for being unreasonable and intentionally offended by colloquialisms that originally had religious origins but are now simply a way of saying something. In this case, a more sensitive and gentler way than saying "He's dead".

Chucken

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't think it assumes an afterlife. Passed into death. Passed into sleep. Not necessarily passed into the next life.

.

Exactly! The person has passed on from here where we knew them.

De Bellem

Whether it's the Undiscovered Country or The Final Curtain they both convey the same prospect for all of us. They both can mean
the same thing . That's the beauty of language , different ways to say the same thing. It's the sincerity conveyed that really matters

monkeysnapper

Driveby Dogboy wrote: »

as soon as i saw this thread i was wondering how long this classic clip would come up

ElizaT33

Sam Kade wrote: »

Yeah just like people who always look at things negatively :rolleyes:

I followed that post up with a more personal one, check it out ... sometimes we all speak first, think later ......

Legs.Eleven

miss no stars wrote: »

"there has to be an alternative less grating to those of us who don't believe in anything."

That was the implication. Those of us who don't believe in anything find it grating. Well, I don't believe in anything and don't find it grating. Therefore I dislike being included in your statement. Statements like that get atheists a reputation for being unreasonable and intentionally offended by colloquialisms that originally had religious origins but are now simply a way of saying something. In this case, a more sensitive and gentler way than saying "He's dead".

I never said I was offended by it though. Not sure why you keep repeating that?


Grand. I've excluded you from the statement. Genuinely sorry if I offended you.



I'm not one of "those" types of atheists at all and never, ever talk about the fact or preach at religious people etc. so don't misconstrue what kind of person I am from what I said previously.

After my mother died, I had people telling me she had passed away/on to a better place and was looking down at me from heaven and I was very grateful for their kind words and for caring (of course) but I suppose the assumption that I was religious annoyed me, although I don't blame the person who said those words at all. I still get it now from people when they talk about her and again, although I don't hold it against anyone and don't expect them to know as I never talk about it but it did irritate me.

I suppose it depends on the context. Out of the context of religion, I can see how it's simply a softer way of saying death.

Legs.Eleven

Chucken wrote: »

Exactly! The person has passed on from here where we knew them.

Really depends on the context. The phrase does have religious origins though.

tdv123

Well "passed away" does have a much nicer ring to it than "shot 20 times in the head by Loyalists".

wil

; for flips sake the people who get their undergarments in a twizzle over some individuals use of colloquial vernacular to express a not entirely comfortable contemplation should maturate and get an afterlife. )

Supertyphoon Haiyan, there's a storm you wouldn't fit in a teacup.

miss no stars

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I never said I was offended by it though. Not sure why you keep repeating that?


Grand. I've excluded you from the statement. Genuinely sorry if I offended you.



I'm not one of "those" types of atheists at all and never, ever talk about the fact or preach at religious people etc. so don't misconstrue what kind of person I am from what I said previously.

See the thing is, I actually directly quoted where you said that it grates on people who don't believe in anything. That's one thing in itself, it happens. Build a bridge and move on. What annoyed me about it is that it's a careless choice of words in a thread you started to give out about other choices of words that are carelss/thoughtless. Fine, you didn't say offended, just grated on. Either way, you are arguing that other people's careless choice of words irritates you and then you so carelessly choose your words as to include all non-believers in your irritation.. Don't you see the problem there?

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

After my mother died, I had people telling me she had passed away/on to a better place and was looking down at me from heaven and I was very grateful for their kind words and for caring (of course) but I suppose the assumption that I was religious annoyed me, although I don't blame the person who said those words at all. I still get it now from people when they talk about her and again, although I don't hold it against anyone and don't expect them to know as I never talk about it but it did irritate me.

I suppose it depends on the context. Out of the context of religion, I can see how it's simply a softer way of saying death.

I had a relative die recently. An atheist relative, as it happens. I don't believe in anything. My mum I suppose believes in something, but more along the lines of energy than a definitive afterlife. My nanny is a moderate catholic. She had a nun over who said a blessing for him after he died (but no last rites) and that's fine because it was for the benefit of my nanny. We had people send us mass cards and religious token things (I think there's a name for them). We had people telling us he's in a better place and he's looking down on us and so on. All of this at a humanist and secular funeral.

Sure, you could think of the words and the nature of the gestures, but people are usually a bit awkward about death. That's why so much of dealing with it is ritualized. It's how you "do" death. Follow these steps. They knew it wasn't a religious ceremony, but came with the trappings of one. It'd be wrong to read into it because honestly, it's people saying "I care. I am so sorry for your hurt. I'm here for you, I want to comfort you". It's a way of saying that when they don't know how to. Just accept the sentiment.

De Bellem

wil wrote: »

; for flips sake the people who get their undergarments in a twizzle over some individuals use of colloquial vernacular to express a not entirely comfortable contemplation should maturate and get an afterlife. )

Supertyphoon Haiyan, there's a storm you wouldn't fit in a teacup.

Come back and let us know when it has died or passed away please

Chucken

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Really depends on the context. The phrase does have religious origins though.

So do lots of other phrases.
Can I ask, do you hold any type of insurance? Car, house etc?

Legs.Eleven

See the thing is, I actually directly quoted where you said that it grates on people who don't believe in anything. That's one thing in itself, it happens. Build a bridge and move on. What annoyed me about it is that it's a careless choice of words in a thread you started to give out about other choices of words that are carelss/thoughtless. Fine, you didn't say offended, just grated on. Either way, you are arguing that other people's careless choice of words irritates you and then you so carelessly choose your words as to include all non-believers in your irritation.. Don't you see the problem there?

I do indeed. My words were chosen badly. I apologise.

I had a relative die recently. An atheist relative, as it happens. I don't believe in anything. My mum I suppose believes in something, but more along the lines of energy than a definitive afterlife. My nanny is a moderate catholic. She had a nun over who said a blessing for him after he died (but no last rites) and that's fine because it was for the benefit of my nanny. We had people send us mass cards and religious token things (I think there's a name for them). We had people telling us he's in a better place and he's looking down on us and so on. All of this at a humanist and secular funeral.

Sure, you could think of the words and the nature of the gestures, but people are usually a bit awkward about death. That's why so much of dealing with it is ritualized. It's how you "do" death. Follow these steps. They knew it wasn't a religious ceremony, but came with the trappings of one. It'd be wrong to read into it because honestly, it's people saying "I care. I am so sorry for your hurt. I'm here for you, I want to comfort you". It's a way of saying that when they don't know how to. Just accept the sentiment.

I've always accepted the sentiment with the intention was given.

I understand that point of view perfectly and I understand what people's intentions are as I have said in my previous posts. As I already said, I wouldn't hold it against anyone.


Tbh, I suppose my problem is less with the phrase "pass away" and more with the default religious condolences that passed away sometimes features in. I understand they're meant with the best intentions and genuinely am thankful that people care (although I get the feeling I'll be repeating this point for a 4th time) but it still grates on me slightly (not offends!).


This doesn't keep me awake at night and no "knickers are in a twist" or offence taken in the slightest. It's about as irritating as nails on a blackboard for me. Nothing more.

My first post was badly worded, so I apologise.

Legs.Eleven

Chucken wrote: »

So do lots of other phrases.
Can I ask, do you hold any type of insurance? Car, house etc?

Nothing. And yes, I do realise many phrases have religious origins (Acts of God, yeah?)


Again, I'm talking about passed away in a religious context but again, I understand it can simply be used as a gentler way to console.

Chucken

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Nothing.


Again, I'm talking about passed away in a religious context but again, I understand it can simply be used as a gentler way to console.

Just as well.

Insurance companies don't cover "acts of God"

Fcek ya with your ninja edit

Legs.Eleven

Chucken wrote: »

Just as well.

Insurance companies don't cover "acts of God"

See above.