Surrealistic Ireland.

Legs.Eleven

Had a hilarious chat with a Spanish woman I give private classes to (if ye know what I mean wink wink mum's the word say no more, wha! ;)) tonight and she told me she believes Ireland is the most surreal country she's ever visited (she's very well travelled). I asked her for a few examples and the one that made me laugh the most was her description of the Irish bus system and the fact that buses arrive whenever they feel like it yet people stand there and wait for a bus that might never come! Then the bus heads off into the countryside and picks up a man (or woman!) on the middle of the road in the middle of nowhere who must've been waiting there himself for the bus that might never come. Just standing there. Waiting...



The way she described something that was very normal for me growing up through her eyes as a foreigner had be doubled over laughing.


My own personal favourite surreal moment in Ireland was when myself and my American ex got the bus to Galway from Dublin, then the bus from Galway city out to Clifton where we decided to have a pint of the auld beer. We walked into the bar that was completely empty but heard people singing Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" somewhere in the bar. Walked into the back of the bar and there were about 20 people from about 7 years old to 90 sitting around a table eating and singing, "BURN BURN BUUUUURN BURN THE RING OF FIRE....THE RING OF FIRE...." in unison. I'm presuming they were all related. Not what you'd expect to find on a quiet Sunday afternoon.



Or your wan dancing about O'Connell Street opposite the GPO and featured one year on the Bank of Ireland calendar as one of the "sights" of our fair capital. Where else would that happen? Hmm?



Have you any surreal stories to share about Ireland? Get me in the mood to go home for Chrimbo...

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

One Thursday night walking to the bus stop after work, walking through temple bar when the you g lad in front of my dropped his kaks turned round n pi55ed in front of me

Frosty McSnowballs

Junkies taking ****s at bus stops.

Legs.Eleven

LexieOnRale wrote: »

One Thursday night walking to the bus stop after work, walking through temple bar when the you g lad in front of my dropped his kaks turned round n pi55ed in front of me

Surreal or scummy though?

The Backwards Man

Tourist asks a simple question that is asked all over the world;

'What time is closing time here?'

'It depends'.

RDM_83 again

Once saw some Spanish students queuing orderly and not blocking the footpath it was very surreal :cool:

4zn76tysfajdxp

Was on a bus once in Galway when this one guy near the front just took out his accordian and started playing some tunes. Then this crazy woman at the back started yelling at him to "shut the **** up" but he couldn't hear so he kept going. All the way, for half an hour.

The Glass Key

How many other countries bother with rural sign posts the never point to the locations they are sign posting.

Legs.Eleven

Eliezer Damp Poultry wrote: »

Was on a bus once in Galway when this one guy near the front just took out his accordian and started playing some tunes. Then this crazy woman at the back started yelling at him to "shut the **** up" but he couldn't hear so he kept going. All the way, for half an hour.

Haha!

That's what I'M talkin' about! Keep 'em comin'...:cool:

Frosty McSnowballs

Eliezer Damp Poultry wrote: »

Was on a bus once in Galway when this one guy near the front just took out his accordian and started playing some tunes. Then this crazy woman at the back started yelling at him to "shut the **** up" but he couldn't hear so he kept going. All the way, for half an hour.

Do you still play?

Call Me Jimmy

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

Do you still play?

I like to play. tsssss

4zn76tysfajdxp

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

Do you still play?

No but I am partial to shutting the **** up.

wp_rathead

A man rowing a boat of inis boffin... with a donkey in the boat..

sabat

She can't be that "well travelled" if she thinks an unreliable bus network is surreal.

Legs.Eleven

sabat wrote: »

She can't be that "well travelled" if she thinks an unreliable bus network is surreal.

True.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo

There's the magic road on Craggy Island for one.

The Edge has a hat that is surgically attached to his head.

The Gooch probably gets more women than most male models in this country.

The minister of health is morbidly obese and looks like an angry grizzly bear.

Nobody has ever actually confirmed for sure that Leitrim exists.

I'm sure there's more...

IceFjoem

Was on a packed bus coming home from college one cold wet winter's evening. Up on the top deck, people were wet and miserable, two 'boysh' at the back of the bus had guitars and started singing Wonderwall, I can't stand the song but everyone started singing! It was amazing, seemed to cheer everyone up, I'll never forget it!

poundapunnet

Getting the school bus home once, bus stops all of a sudden, two of the lads get off and I look out the window and see them running down a field, chasing a tyre. Ask the bus driver what's going on and he said "ah sure, you know"

My dad was up in Donegal at a family party recently, all in the pub afterwards and it got to about 3, talked turned to taxis and they were saying "we'll call the big taxi, there's ten of us". He was expecting a mini bus, a man in a Hiace van arrived and they carried out stools from the bar to sit on in the back.

Lisdoonvarna, Co Clare. Strangest place in the world, especially during the month of September when the Matchmaking festival is on. It's like a nightmare version of Fr Ted

prettygurrly

I love those random heart to hearts you have on the bus with someone you'll never see again...sets the world to rights...or at least whatever was troubling you - the original method of pouring your heart anonymously before the internet got here.

Legs.Eleven

poundapunnet wrote: »

Getting the school bus home once, bus stops all of a sudden, two of the lads get off and I look out the window and see them running down a field, chasing a tyre. Ask the bus driver what's going on and he said "ah sure, you know"

*Wipes tears from eyes from laughing...*

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImE6KxN1Rxo

Mariasofia

poundapunnet wrote: »

Getting the school bus home once, bus stops all of a sudden, two of the lads get off and I look out the window and see them running down a field, chasing a tyre. Ask the bus driver what's going on and he said "ah sure, you know"

My dad was up in Donegal at a family party recently, all in the pub afterwards and it got to about 3, talked turned to taxis and they were saying "we'll call the big taxi, there's ten of us". he was expecting a mini bus, a man in a Hiace van arrived and they carried out stools from the bar to sit on in the back.



Lisdoonvarna, Co Clare. Strangest place in the world, especially during the month of September when the Matchmaking festival is on. It's like a nightmare version of Fr Ted

Lisdoonvarna......god reminded me of a wk end there during matchmaking festival being chatted up by a vertically challenged man (3 ft tops) who thought he was Don Juan......f*ckin surreal but soooo funny! :-D

Legs.Eleven

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImE6KxN1Rxo

The tears!! They just keep coming!! Haha! :D

AnonoBoy

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Had a hilarious chat with a Spanish woman I give private classes to (if ye know what I mean wink wink mum's the word say no more, wha! ;))

Why aren't your classes open to the public?

I want a lesson. :mad:

4zn76tysfajdxp

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Why aren't your classes open to the public?

I want a lesson. :mad:

I can give you a lesson.

poundapunnet

Mariasofia wrote: »

Lisdoonvarna......god reminded me of a wk end there during matchmaking festival being chatted up by a vertically challenged man (3 ft tops) who thought he was Don Juan......f*ckin surreal but soooo funny! :-D

You got off lucky! The Canadian reincarnation of Christ (his words) used to hang around during the summer as well. Now there was a man with some good stories, pity they were all psychotic delusions

Mariasofia

poundapunnet wrote: »

You got off lucky! The Canadian reincarnation of Christ (his words) used to hang around during the summer as well. Now there was a man with some good stories, pity they were all psychotic delusions

Yeah may have met him as well but in my drunken state he probably made sense :-D .

Karl Stein

People hitch-hiking with furniture.

Call Me Jimmy

poundapunnet wrote: »

Getting the school bus home once, bus stops all of a sudden, two of the lads get off and I look out the window and see them running down a field, chasing a tyre. Ask the bus driver what's going on and he said "ah sure, you know"

ahhahahah class best one yet!

The Backwards Man

Eliezer Damp Poultry wrote: »

I can give you a lesson.

Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the nooligans ignored him
hid voice was lost in the din

"The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I'm going to teach you a lesson
one that you'll never forget"

He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
then garrotted the girl behind him
(the one with grotty hair)

Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
"First come, first severed" he declared
"fingers, feet or toes"

He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game

The first blast cleared the backrow
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plug's pulled out

"Please may I leave the room sir?"
a trembling vandal enquired
"Of course you may" said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired

The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade

And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air

The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
"Now let that be a lesson" he said

Legs.Eleven

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Why aren't your classes open to the public?

I want a lesson. :mad:

Ooooh I'll give you a lesson alright! I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget!! :mad::)

Call Me Jimmy

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Ooooh I'll give you a lesson alright! I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget!! :mad::)

sAUCAY

wandatowell

This bloody thread is surreal.

AnonoBoy

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Ooooh I'll give you a lesson alright! I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget!! :mad::)

Awesome! Should I bring my own organ with me or will you provide me with an organ?






It's an organ lesson isn't it?

Legs.Eleven

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Awesome! Should I bring my own organ with me or will you provide me with an organ?






It's an organ lesson isn't it?

Oh it's an "organ" lesson alright. Make sure you bring yourrr "organ" along (if ye get me ). I'll show you my "organ" if you show me yours....


I'll organ you good 'n' proper...

colossus-x

On a Bus 'theme' I was taking a bus from Blanchardstown shopping center to the city center when a drunken immigrant chatted to people who eventually came to me to chat. He wasn't happy with my lack of communication ( not that I said anything antagonistic to him ) he got the hump and in the seat in front of me he started to unbutton his fly and said he was going to piss on me at which point I darted downstairs to the drive and informed him off the situation. I decided to get off the bus noting the drivers disinterest. Hi opening the doors not at a bus stop, I got out. He closed the doors and then suddenly opened them again to let the same drunk follow me on the street by the hay-penny bridge allowing him to harass me further. Thanks bus driver.

Okay that's a nutter but what I really object to is the amount of bummers that virtually live on the lovely o'connel st day and night in Dublin city and also on the boardwalk. I'm perpetually stunned that noting is ever done to clean up the streets. It's utterly disgraceful. I love to walk around Dublin city center and they spoil it horribly for me and I guess also for tourists/visitors/natives etc. I have seen Garda taking a much more lenient approach to the antics I've seen on the street where as I as a non-bummer type would be treated far more severely. I'm not blaming the Garda, but the impotent policy of not dealing with something that destroys a city that I really love very much really ticks me off.

Femme_Fatale

A Burco (large water boiler for catering purposes rather than a kettle) full of water outside a church in County Kerry with a piece of copybook paper sellotaped to it with "Holy water" handwritten on it.

And back in the early '90s, a Macra in North Cork held a "disco" and to "replicate" the effect of disco lighting, the ordinary bulbs were covered in sweet wrappers and switched on and off.


Father Ted isn't even an exaggeration a lot of the time.

Mint Aero

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

And back in the early '90s, a Macra in North Cork held a "disco" and to "replicate" the effect of disco lighting, the ordinary bulbs were covered in sweet wrappers and switched on and off.


Father Ted isn't even an exaggeration a lot of the time.

Please tell me some poor sap stood by the switch flicking them on and off all night?

bodhrandude

All this talk of Lisdoonvarna, I had a mate who lived in the outskirts and we were in having a bevy one night, I had my bodhran and he recommended I check out the Roadside Tavern as sometimes the Donegal fiddler Tommy Peoples was known to play in there, now I'm talking mid-1990s as i don't even know if it still exists. Anyway the night I went there a concertina player called Tommy McCarthy had just passed away and this crazy session was being held as a sort of wake. Boy was there some crazy hairy characters in there that night. Clare has some crazy pub characters and Galway is not too far behind there either. Fun nights, surreal for sure.

poundapunnet

bodhrandude wrote: »

All this talk of Lisdoonvarna, I had a mate who lived in the outskirts and we were in having a bevy one night, I had my bodhran and he recommended I check out the Roadside Tavern as sometimes the Donegal fiddler Tommy Peoples was known to play in there, now I'm talking mid-1990s as i don't even know if it still exists. Anyway the night I went there a concertina player called Tommy McCarthy had just passed away and this crazy session was being held as a sort of wake. Boy was there some crazy hairy characters in there that night. Clare has some crazy pub characters and Galway is not too far behind there either. Fun nights, surreal for sure.

It's still there, has a small micro-brewery going now and it's also the base of the local Tolkien appreciation society :pac:

cantdecide

IceFjoem wrote: »

Was on a packed bus coming home from college one cold wet winter's evening. Up on the top deck, people were wet and miserable, two 'boysh' at the back of the bus had guitars and started singing Wonderwall, I can't stand the song but everyone started singing! It was amazing, seemed to cheer everyone up, I'll never forget it!

Was in Galway at the weekend and there was a busker that seemed a little bit too long in the tooth to be hacking away. We quickly realised that he had literally one song- Wonderwall. As we walked around, we heard him sing it, and nothing else, on three different occasions over an hour.

After the final onslaught, we walked up the street and saw a pair of younger but somewhat more seasoned buskers. As we pass by, they finish one well performed number and just as I start to think to myself 'I know that chord progression' they start singing "Today is gonna be the day that....".

'Pinch me', I thought to myself.

prettygurrly wrote: »

I love those random heart to hearts you have on the bus with someone you'll never see again...sets the world to rights...or at least whatever was troubling you - the original method of pouring your heart anonymously before the internet got here.

PLEASE GOD you never see them again!! Sharing a sweet and tender moment with a stranger is grand. Seeing them every day would eventually become totes awks like

mojesius

Me and the boyfriend spent a few days in Connemara last year (love it there). We went to Cong one afternoon and went into a pub for a bit of lunch and there were only three drunken aulfellas at the bar.

We ordered lunch and sat in front of the fire. The aulfellas started singing incoherent Irish ballads and dancing around a bit, literally like something out of the Quiet Man. One of them came over and started chatting to us, while playing with my hair: "You've got a lovely head of hair on ya like a pony", he says.

We humoured him for around 5 minutes before my boyfriend started getting pissed off and the barman finally intervened and said "Jaysus would ye leave the poor girl alone to eat her lunch, she's not a feckin pony!"

He was harmless but it was very funny. As my boyfriend said, he was probably a poor aul lonely farmer who probably hadn't seen a woman in months.

Either that, or he enjoyed harassing every tourist who came in the doors!

Overflow

Was in Limerick for a job interview. On the bus back to Dublin, some absolute scumbag woman and her partner get on the bus with their billion (cigarette and booze voucher) kids.

About 30 mins into the trip, one of the little kids starts moaning that she needs to go for a pee. The bus was jammers and everyone could hear everything they were saying. So this wonderful example of a mother forces her reluctant child to take a piss on the steps of the back exit of the bus, cursing and shouting at her and surrounded by shocked passengers. That was a bit surreal, the poor child !

diomed

Women driving large off-road vehicles in Dublin. Deluded.

murria

Years ago on a weekend to Wexford with the boyfriend (now husband of many years), stopped at the only petrol pump in the village at about two in the afternoon. There was a cardboard sign on the pump that said "knock at pub for petrol" so we did. The door was answered by a man with a big bed head who asked if we wanted beer or petrol, we must have paused with indecision for a moment as before we could answer he said "sure, come in and have a pint while I fill her up".

WilyCoyote

wprathead wrote: »

A man rowing a boat of inis boffin... with a donkey in the boat..

Donkey Boat eh?

e_e

Man in the back of the 145 loudly singing Old Man River, pouring his heart and soul into it.

gobnaitolunacy

A woman who dressed her offspring as a jumbo breakfast roll for a St Patrick's Day parade in Bantry.

smurgen

I have loads but two spring straight away :
one was when me and my friend were driving by Dingle and completly lost in the middle of the day. Came down a long straight road and seen this aul fella with a hat and old tweed suit standing with a fox perched perfectly on his shoulder. Two of us looked at em with our mouths open in amazement and the man and the fox looked at us as we passed them slowly. It was like the four of us were in a trance!

the second is a fight i seen in Cork on the jazz weekend. Me and a couple of friends were drinking outside the Raven on North Main Street , which is a busy junction with alot of traffic, pedestrians and pubs/ chippers. A bunch of youngfellas about 18 ran out of nowhere and started fighting a bunch of fellas in their 60's! I've never seen anything like it..The old fellas all had on beards and cardigans, the youngones were dressed like mannequins out of River Island,it was like one direction fighting the Dubliners.The old fellas absolutley battering them and out of nowhere a guy in a dracula costume ran across the road smoking a fag and took out about 5 people,completley cleared house and the fight just dispersed. It went on for about 5 mins, blocked traffic and all. The way they came from opposite directions and had such hatred for each other, it was like the fight seen out of Anchorman!

magicmushroom

poundapunnet wrote: »

Getting the school bus home once, bus stops all of a sudden, two of the lads get off and I look out the window and see them running down a field, chasing a tyre. Ask the bus driver what's going on and he said "ah sure, you know"

Too funny, I'm nearly crying with laughter at my desk, trying to do it quietly so no one notices I'm not actually working :rolleyes:

missierex

About two years ago a few friends and I went to Achill for New Years Eve. One of the days we headed to this miniature thatched pub to enjoy a nice Guinness by the open fire. Literally, the place was tiny, and there were only maybe three people in it apart from us and the barman. The barman even warned us not to tell anyone about the place, he wanted it kept nice and local!

So... We ordered our drinks, which the barman brought down to the table. He had a glint of excitement in his eyes and showed us a card. It was from a local guy who was writing to his fiancé (also local) telling her that he was gay and the wedding was off. Scandalous! The place suddenly came alive with all the locals (well, all 3 or 4 of them) gossiping and surmising.

We sat there in disbelief. Was this really happening? Had the barman just outed this guy to us out-of-towners and all the locals? Yes. He had.

A few minutes later, who knocks into the pub, but the fiancé, telling us all about what had happened. She seemed pretty peeved initially, but calmed down once all the creepy young farmers started buying her drinks!
Only in rural Ireland eh?!

And yes, this actually did happen!