Fallen friends

FearDark

I've realised lately that my circle of friends has diminished greatly over the past couple of years. I'm 30, a lot of my friends have gotten married or about to get married or are in long term relationships. I still see most of those lads, we still manage to meet whether it be for a run/gym/coffee/gaming session and that's fine. They're always welcome to come to my house, I'm always welcome at theirs. We help each other out as friends should.

But. I have also 'lost' friends along the way. Not the kind where you have different interests or they move to a different country and you just drift apart. I'm talking about those bro's I've lost to crazy women. Two of my best friends are in long term relationships with these type of women.

The first lad, a quiet fella, literally isn't allowed leave the house on his own. He is a good looking guy, going out with what could only be described as a lagoon creature! She doesn't trust him but has absolutely no reason not to. She was pretty much the first girl he ever kissed, she's much older and once she got her claws in, his balls weren't his own anymore. I called over there the other day to see him, she was there, I suggested we go out for a coffee... he looked over at her for permission, it was obviously denied by the furrowed look on her face. Not for the first time, so we sat there chatting away for half an hour until I felt so uncomfortable with her standing behind us listening I felt I just had to leave... She picks his clothes, his car, his hair style EVERYTHING. The man is a zombie. Always looks miserable... Every aspect of his life is controlled by her.

The second friend, much the same. Very very intelligent guy, goes out with a girl, she is literally socially retarded. Its very hard have a conversation with her, you get one word reply's, she doesn't really have any interests or hobbys, likes to spend all day commenting on things on facebook and rarely leaves the house. Has to go everywhere with him. Another non-trusting type, again with absolutely no reasoning behind it.

I remember one time we went on a lads weekend, I had the van rented, surf boards loaded, slab of Bulmers in the back. This was going to be epic. Waiting for friend to arrive, waiting one hour, two hours, three hours... eventually he shows up, with girlfriend in tow with the look of "shoot me now" on his face, she was coming... yep on a lads weekend. Having a few cans in the holiday home that night waiting for this friend to come to the pub he was upstairs arguing with herself. We were going one mile down the road to the local pub for a pint. When he did arrive down she roared out of the bedroom "and make sure you're only half an hour"... I flipped, told him he was being a fool, he agreed and said he would stay out all night. Half an hour later he was yawning and saying he should really get back... *sigh* Weekend ruined.

Have you lost friends to controllers? Is there any talking to them? Are they happy, and if they're not should you try and say something. Is it pointless. Is it any of your business? R.I.P. Fallen friends.

Duff

Have a few friends in the same sinking ship. There's no saving them. It's their own fault for being a doormat at the start of the relationship.

Lux23

Yea, a girl I was friends with married a complete dullard. He has no personality and is only half decent looks wise, but he changed a fun loving, jovial girl into a two piece and pearls wearing zombie. She never goes out anymore and it's all down to him apparently. Maybe she is happy though, who really knows?

dmc17

FearDark wrote: »

Have you lost friends to controllers?

Yep. The PS3 controllers are by far the worst.

WilyCoyote

FearDark, what you're talking about is 'prick love'.

Femme_Fatale

lol yeh so tru

Gehad_JoyRider

friends come friends go, friends begin to do things with people who are in the same position as them for instance there married, the people who are single arnt nesscerilly disliked. or forgotten about but seriously who wants to be the single pringle in a group of friends? id rather be on my own then listen to coupley crap its mind numbing.


Tracker mortgages and the rest of the crap that married people talk about!

FearDark

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

lol yeh so tru

U ok hun? xxx

loveBBhate

FearDark wrote: »

U ok hun? xxx

Mail her hun! rats on dis ting be talkin **** bout ya nobdyz buzines XxOo

first doyle

I know two guys who got married not so long ago. I am still in shock. It's the 21st century and people are still getting married not to mention they are in their early twenties.

wtf?

who gets married?

are you having a laugh? :pac:

Merkin

Willing victims tbh, the blokes you mention are as much to blame as the wenches they've chosen to be involved with. They're choice if they choose to keep their balls in their girlfriend's handbags...

Mint Aero

Maybe he prefers being mid 30's and not going on 'epic' trips to a a holiday home with a stinking slab of piss cider.

Problems you OP, you're not 17 anymore. Surfs up duuuuuude. Fair play to him for going though. I can imagine the conversation.

Honey, he wants to go on holidays with me and get pissed all the time.
Oh jesus would you just drop him?
I can't we've been mates for like forever. Will you come too? Please.
No, no f*ckin way!

*doorbell*

Duuuuuuuude! Surfs up bra! We got slabs bra!
Missus is coming
Duuuuuuuude?!

conor2469

Mint Aero wrote: »

Maybe he prefers being mid 30's and not going on 'epic' trips to a a holiday home with a stinking slab of piss cider.

Problems you OP, you're not 17 anymore. Surfs up duuuuuude. Fair play to him for going though. I can imagine the conversation.

Honey, he wants to go on holidays with me and get pissed all the time.
Oh jesus would you just drop him?
I can't we've been mates for like forever. Will you come too? Please.
No, no f*ckin way!

*doorbell*

Duuuuuuuude! Surfs up bra! We got slabs bra!
Missus is coming
Duuuuuuuude?!

Oh no OP, she's found you.

Scuttle the thread.

newbie2013

Been with same girl over 15 years, have few kids, another on the way but still would never marry. Still have my own place and she has hers. Anyone who gets married is crazy imo. It's an out dated tradition. Fs money wise, once you marry you **** your self legally because if one needs benefits, you get fiddly squat along with other legal problems.

mackeire

first doyle wrote: »

I know two guys who got married not so long ago. I am still in shock. It's the 21st century and people are still getting married not to mention they are in their early twenties.

wtf?

who gets married?

are you having a laugh? :pac:

im sure they'll be very happy together

Omackeral

Have a pal that's the same. Usually a great guy but brutal when he gets a girlfriend. We're tryin to organise a Christmas night out for the 5 of us, tight knit group. So we were coming up with suitable dates, just for a few beers one of the nights, nothing mad.

He turns around and says "actually December isn't good for me". He must be Santa or something.

loveta

Heard a great saying once "Show me your friends and il tell you who i am"
Now OP i dont know one thing about you so i am not taking a pop at ya, but your mates are grown men free to do what they want if they ARE, not what they WERE!! such numnuts to have amounted to being a pair of pus@y whipped door mats let them off and move onn without them.............

Femme_Fatale

People get married because it makes their spouse their next-of-kin, because of parental rights, and lots of other reasons. Early 20s is really young to be getting married - higher risk of it not lasting, but I don't get why people pretend it's abnormal to get married; it's obviously not, as they know.

Duff wrote: »

Have a few friends in the same sinking ship. There's no saving them. It's their own fault for being a doormat at the start of the relationship.

Merkin wrote: »

Willing victims tbh, the blokes you mention are as much to blame as the wenches they've chosen to be involved with. They're choice if they choose to keep their balls in their girlfriend's handbags...

Disagreed. I despise women like that, and I'd deem them far worse than the guy putting up with their sh1t - wouldn't agree the guy is just as much to blame. It's a controlling relationship. Reverse the genders and there'd be recommendations to call Women's Aid. I know people will say a guy should have the balls to stand up to her etc, but that shifts the responsibility on to him. People wouldn't be telling a woman to grow a spine and stand up to a controlling partner. The woman should not be controlling and nagging him. It's considered kinda acceptable though, and just a laugh if the woman keeps the man in his place. I find it disturbing.

Friend of mine was living with a maniac like that and he got the **** out, fair play to him. It wasn't easy.

kowloon

I wonder if there isn't a good bit of this in play for a lot of people.

Wacker The Attacker

FearDark wrote: »

I've realised lately that my circle of friends has diminished greatly over the past couple of years. I'm 30, a lot of my friends have gotten married or about to get married or are in long term relationships. I still see most of those lads, we still manage to meet whether it be for a run/gym/coffee/gaming session and that's fine. They're always welcome to come to my house, I'm always welcome at theirs. We help each other out as friends should.

But. I have also 'lost' friends along the way. Not the kind where you have different interests or they move to a different country and you just drift apart. I'm talking about those bro's I've lost to crazy women. Two of my best friends are in long term relationships with these type of women.

The first lad, a quiet fella, literally isn't allowed leave the house on his own. He is a good looking guy, going out with what could only be described as a lagoon creature! She doesn't trust him but has absolutely no reason not to. She was pretty much the first girl he ever kissed, she's much older and once she got her claws in, his balls weren't his own anymore. I called over there the other day to see him, she was there, I suggested we go out for a coffee... he looked over at her for permission, it was obviously denied by the furrowed look on her face. Not for the first time, so we sat there chatting away for half an hour until I felt so uncomfortable with her standing behind us listening I felt I just had to leave... She picks his clothes, his car, his hair style EVERYTHING. The man is a zombie. Always looks miserable... Every aspect of his life is controlled by her.

The second friend, much the same. Very very intelligent guy, goes out with a girl, she is literally socially retarded. Its very hard have a conversation with her, you get one word reply's, she doesn't really have any interests or hobbys, likes to spend all day commenting on things on facebook and rarely leaves the house. Has to go everywhere with him. Another non-trusting type, again with absolutely no reasoning behind it.

I remember one time we went on a lads weekend, I had the van rented, surf boards loaded, slab of Bulmers in the back. This was going to be epic. Waiting for friend to arrive, waiting one hour, two hours, three hours... eventually he shows up, with girlfriend in tow with the look of "shoot me now" on his face, she was coming... yep on a lads weekend. Having a few cans in the holiday home that night waiting for this friend to come to the pub he was upstairs arguing with herself. We were going one mile down the road to the local pub for a pint. When he did arrive down she roared out of the bedroom "and make sure you're only half an hour"... I flipped, told him he was being a fool, he agreed and said he would stay out all night. Half an hour later he was yawning and saying he should really get back... *sigh* Weekend ruined.

Have you lost friends to controllers? Is there any talking to them? Are they happy, and if they're not should you try and say something. Is it pointless. Is it any of your business? R.I.P. Fallen friends.

He needs his balls to re-appear

Legs.Eleven

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Disagreed. I despise women like that, and I'd deem them far worse than the guy putting up with their sh1t - wouldn't agree the guy is just as much to blame. It's a controlling relationship. Reverse the genders and there'd be recommendations to call Women's Aid. I know people will say a guy should have the balls to stand up to her etc, but that shifts the responsibility on to him. The woman should not be controlling and nagging him. It's considered kinda acceptable though, and just a laugh if the woman keeps the man in his place. I find it disturbing.

Friend of mine was living with a maniac like that and he got the **** out, fair play to him. It wasn't easy.

Yeah in this case there seems to be obvious signs of controlling behaviour, which is worrying and it's different from the common enough thing of using the girlfriend as an excuse for not going out simply cos they're too lazy or don't want to but don't have the courage to say it (which I've no time for).

KyussBishop

Ya in the case of controlling behaviour like that, should try get the guy some help, so he doesn't waste more years/decades of his life stuck like that.

April O Neill

Merkin wrote: »

Willing victims tbh, the blokes you mention are as much to blame as the wenches they've chosen to be involved with. They're choice if they choose to keep their balls in their girlfriend's handbags...

I dunno, I mean many an intelligent person can get sucked into a controlling, abusive relationship. It can be a very insidious thing.

Muise...

fallen friends indeed. It's that time of year when I pin a Venus Fly Trap to my lapel and stand for two minutes silence outside the local nightclub, as I remember those who made personal choices I refuse to accept, and so cast blame on the women instead.

KyussBishop

April O Neill wrote: »

I dunno, I mean many an intelligent person can get sucked into a controlling, abusive relationship. It can be a very insidious thing.

Ya It's pretty much down to low self-esteem, and not being able to properly see through the manipulation (maybe with an added fear of being alone or not being able to find someone better); it's not limited to gender, and I know of at least a few people who have been stuck in a situation like that.

People like that (genuinely) should go to a psych to work on the self-esteem issues that got them stuck like that in the first place, so that they don't just hop from one abusive relationship to another - though this may be difficult for them to do when in such a relationship, as the controlling person would likely stop them.

Pumpkinseeds

Disgraceful carry on, how dare people grow up and move on from their teenage days? It's far easier to blame your spouse/partner than to tell some old acquaintance that you've outgrown them. Take the hint and stop blaming the partner/spouse.

Wattle

My older brother is completely and utterly pussywhipped. We used to invite him to soccer matches and concerts but he always pulled out at the last minute so we stopped trying. His wife is a very fragile sort. She goes into these rages and he's always there to mollify her. He'll do anything to keep her happy. I think she partly plays it up to keep control of him and he doesn't have the balls to stand up to her. Part of me despises him for being such a wimp and the other part of me thinks poor bastard

Wattle

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

Disgraceful carry on, how dare people grow up and move on from their teenage days? It's far easier to blame your spouse/partner than to tell some old acquaintance that you've outgrown them. Take the hint and stop blaming the partner/spouse.

It's about balance really. What is wrong with spending a few hours with your friends every now and again? That's healthy. It's trying to control your partner as if you were their mum or dad that's wrong.

Pumpkinseeds

Wattle wrote: »

It's about balance really. What is wrong with spending a few hours with your friends every now and again? That's healthy. It's trying to control your partner as if you were their mum or dad that's wrong.

I totally agree with you.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

It's called growing up.

conorhal

I'm sure everybody's lost a couple of mates to a harridan.

There really is nothing worse, I've had a friend whose partner was so posessive that she managed to slowly alienate all his friends, he couldn't come out on his own, they came as a package so people stopped asking them out as nobody really liked her that much, when she came along she'd just sit there disengaged and scowling. It was really insidious, she just picked off his friends with petty complaints about them and was always looking for fault or some percieved slight so that she could use to say 'we're not talking to that person any more'. It's sad, he used to have a good circle of friends and now he has none.

Thankfully most of my mates strike a healthy ballance in their relationships, it's not healthy to live in your partners pocket, everybody needs some space, a few of their own friends or the ability say at least one a month I'm off for a couple of beers with the lads or I'm out for a girlie night out with the girls so you're minding the kids tonight.

LOTD

Judging by this thread it's really hard to tell the difference between Love and Stockholm syndrome

Lux23

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

Disgraceful carry on, how dare people grow up and move on from their teenage days? It's far easier to blame your spouse/partner than to tell some old acquaintance that you've outgrown them. Take the hint and stop blaming the partner/spouse.

Yea, my boyfriend is always telling people I won't let him do things. There was a poker game recently and I was trying to convince him to go but of course he just doesn't want to.

sok2005

I think unless you are in their relationship you don't have a clue about it! I've used my other half as an excuse to get out of certain meet ups, he's used me too.
When we got married and had kids we both had single friends who got their nose out of joint because we weren't available for them as much as before. Eventually those people get their own responsibilities and realize how things get. Friendships usually rekindle then!

Femme_Fatale

Kyree Shaggy Translator wrote: »

It's called growing up.

Being controlled and whipped and "not allowed out" by your partner is growing up?

FearDark

Being told how to live your life and being accountable for your whereabouts 24/7 is not part of a healthy relationship. Its not called "growing up" either. I'm grown up, nobody can't tell me I'm not allowed to go to the shop on my own or meet someone for a pint on a Friday night... That's just mental behaviour.

Grayson

http://imgur.com/gallery/CXf1L3i

anncoates

You'll always have some friends that don't want to go out and may even be whipped (as in one partner of any gender stopping the other seeing friends) but in my experience, the worst culprits for moaning about people being under the thumb are people that can't deal with people having responsibilities and not being able to go out whenever they want them to.

I just accept these days that people can't get out as much with families, work etc and as long as you are all in touch and try to get out sometimes, it's not a problem. You'll be friends for life and I definitely observed with my parents that they got a real second lease of life with their mates re:going out and heading on holiday together once they passed the financial and time-consuming work of rearing us.

Too Tough To Die

So no one told you life was gonna be this way?



































clap clap clap clap

Maximus Alexander

I feel the pain OP. My best mate since I was 12 is with one of these. On the surface, she's a bubbly sociable type, but there's an insecure, self-involved, controlling, dark side to her as soon as you scratch the surface. He met her on holidays about 4 years ago, and he's never been the same since.

She has a troubled history and was in a bad place when she met him, so she latched on and hasn't let go. He's a fantastic lad, the kind who would do anything for anyone, any time, and he has a natural caring instinct. He's also made to be in relationships. So she moved over to Ireland and into his house, and she was never leaving after that. They have little in common as far as I can see, she doesn't like any of his friends. When they first got together she kept putting him down and slagging off hobbies of his which she didn't approve of, trying to mould him into someone else. To an extent, she succeeded.

We work together, and he only lives around the corner so I see him all the time, but it's not the same. I feel completely uncomfortable in his home and try to make excuses not to go there, I tend to be reluctant to make plans with him because she shows up with him most of the time, unexpectedly.

I'm not sure if he's happy with her not, he hardly talks about her when she's not around and he's quite proud, so I don't think he'd say either way unless he was really miserable. I don't think she's going anywhere though, it wouldn't surprise me if they ended up married.

The worst part is that everyone else in our circle of friends have met fantastic partners, who have in turn become dear friends to the rest of us, but if ever there was someone who deserved to meet someone wonderful, it's this lad. But there you have it.