Do you want children someday?

Brussels Sprout

I've seen quite a few people on here in threads saying that they definitely don't want to have children. As someone who believes that the primary biological purpose of living is to reproduce I find this a really interesting stance. I'm just wondering how common this is?

KERSPLAT!

I've just turned 27 and definitely want kids in the future

looking_around

One of the first things I talked about with my partner while dating was my adverse feelings to children and pregnancy.

I needed him to know, that I was never going to want children and if he had any thoughts of having kids then "let's not go any further". Which was fine because he was really glad I didn't want them either. XD.
(I even had his parents ask me about kids..as I "was so young".... when I stated my view, there was an audible sigh, with a "good, cause I know my son definitely doesn't want them" heh )

I have a list of reasons as to why I don't want kids.

I don't think everyone should have kids, anyway, I don't think it should be seen as "the purpose of our life" either.

hernie

Yes, but I couldn't eat a whole one.

0ph0rce0

I'm 29 - Have Two Little Shítes Already. 12 & 4

No More For Me....Please

wandatowell

Kids are hilarious. Just as long as they aint mine

Stheno

no, none ever. have enough siblings and nieces and nephews as it is

iDave

Massive financial drain on you for the first 25 years of their life and possibly even longer. Cause nothing but stress, worry and disappointment. Probably will never thank you for all the effort you put in too.

SEPT 23 1989

I already have some of them

loveisdivine

I just got married and both my husband and I DEFINITELY do not want children. Its not something either of us ever want to do, for various reasons really.

If I had wanted children, I still would certainly not have had my own biological one.

listermint

looking_around wrote: »

One of the first things I talked about with my partner while dating was my adverse feelings to children and pregnancy.

I needed him to know, that I was never going to want children and if he had any thoughts of having kids then "let's not go any further". Which was fine because he was really glad I didn't want them either. XD.
(I even had his parents ask me about kids..as I "was so young".... when I stated my view, there was an audible sigh, with a "good, cause I know my son definitely doesn't want them" heh )

I have a list of reasons as to why I don't want kids.

I don't think everyone should have kids, anyway, I don't think it should be seen as "the purpose of our life" either.

I didnt like carrots or tomatoes when i was younger. Im a firm believer in life of 'never' say 'never', because its particularly short sighted.


See what happens i suppose is what im getting at.



BTW im not getting on your back about kids, your choice and all. But never say never about anything because its rarely true.

ScumLord

Brussels Sprout wrote: »

I've seen quite a few people on here in threads saying that they definitely don't want to have children. As someone who believes that the primary biological purpose of living is to reproduce I find this a really interesting stance. I'm just wondering how common this is?

More important is survival of the species. Not every living thing has to reproduce for that to happen. Think of the likes of ants.

Human communities are similar, we have people that specialise, some are breeders, some are soldiers, some are artists. As long as the species is maintaining it's numbers that's all that really matters.

the_monkey

I'm 35 and have one son (almost 2) , he's great , best thing ever ... but I don't think I'd like another one .... the birth was quite difficult and we both have a fear of going through it again - especially my poor wife

Maybe I'll change my mind in a few years.

When I was in my 20's I was adamant I didn't want kids, but things change,
I'm not going to be condescending and tell people on here that don't want any that one day they will - I agree 100% that its not the purpose of life and anyway overpopulation is going to be a huge problem - we need more people who don't want kids .

Also people who don't want kids - I think they are smart, they know what it's like - hehe , myself and my wife were pretty naive.

loveisdivine

listermint wrote: »

I didnt like carrots or tomatoes when i was younger. Im a firm believer in life of 'never' say 'never', because its particularly short sighted.


See what happens i suppose is what im getting at.



BTW im not getting on your back about kids, your choice and all. But never say never about anything because its rarely true.

Yeah because having kids is the same as liking carrots or tomatoes.

One day, you could turn into a rapist/murderer. After all, never say never.

looking_around

listermint wrote: »

I didnt like carrots or tomatoes when i was younger. Im a firm believer in life of 'never' say 'never', because its particularly short sighted.


See what happens i suppose is what im getting at.



BTW im not getting on your back about kids, your choice and all. But never say never about anything because its rarely true.

It's not as simple as not liking something.
i'm not going the sudden;y change ALL my reasons for not wanting kids.

If my partner did, we'd have to split up. it'd be that simple.

kids aren't carrots.
You're responsible for them all your life. You pass on genes that should not necessarily be passed on. There's are so many people in the world, and with the increase of technology, there will be less jobs. (I don't know how the disappearance of oil or jobs, and increase in college expenses and yet a need to go, doesn't seem to concern parents).

Apart from all that, babies give me the creeps. (always have. ) I can't stand being around them.
And I would freak the f/uck out if I became pregnant. (to the point that I would seriously harm myself before I'd ever consider giving birth..)

For some people, I suppose "never say never " is fair, but alot of those people, have no problem spending time around kids. They also don't feel so strongly about body issues or passing on certain hereditary genes that are better off not passed on.

listermint

loveisdivine wrote: »

Yeah because having kids is the same as liking carrots or tomatoes.

One day, you could turn into a rapist/murderer. After all, never say never.

I dont think you understand what i was getting at. Your jovial response doesnt cover up how idiotic the second part was.


But i think you already know that.

Legs.Eleven

I want kids mainly because I've met someone to have them with.

listermint

looking_around wrote: »

It's not as simple as not liking something.
i'm not going the sudden;y change ALL my reasons for not wanting kids.

If my partner did, we'd have to split up. it'd be that simple.

kids aren't carrots.
You're responsible for them all your life. You pass on genes that should not necessarily be passed on. There's are so many people in the world, and with the increase of technology, there will be less jobs. (I don't know how the disappearance of oil or jobs, and increase in college expenses and yet a need to go, doesn't seem to concern parents).

Apart from all that, babies give me the creeps. (always have. ) I can't stand being around them.
And I would freak the f/uck out if I became pregnant. (to the point that I would seriously harm myself before I'd ever consider giving birth..)

For some people, I suppose "never say never " is fair, but alot of those people, have no problem spending time around kids. They also don't feel so strongly about body issues or passing on certain hereditary genes that are better off not passed on.

Its as simple as this,

'Something' that you didnt think you would do / want today. Can change very suddenly and dramatically.


So as i said, never say never. Maybe my comparison was being overly simplistic.

But i hope you see what im getting at.

Dravokivich

We don't have one yet, but there's one currently in progress. Which option do I decide? I'd be a bit of a bastard if I choose the wrong one.

Holsten

I'm under 30 and at the moment do not want kids and do not see myself wanting them any time in the near future.

I could wait at least another 10 years before having them.

loveisdivine

listermint wrote: »

I dont think you understand what i was getting at. Your jovial response doesnt cover up how idiotic the second part was.


But i think you already know that.

Yeah its annoying when people don't take you seriously isn't it?

Suggesting you could turn into a rapist or murderer was about as idiotic as likening having kids to food preferences.

listermint

loveisdivine wrote: »

Yeah its annoying when people don't take you seriously isn't it?

Suggesting you could turn into a rapist or murderer was about as idiotic as likening having kids to food preferences.

I think i covered this in subsequent post should you choose to read them.



enjoy.

looking_around

listermint wrote: »

Its as simple as this,

'Something' that you didnt think you would do / want today. Can change very suddenly and dramatically.


So as i said, never say never. Maybe my comparison was being overly simplistic.

But i hope you see what im getting at.

Again for some things, but thats like saying, I'll randomly start hating animals.
It's not going to happen.

It isn't a taste bud or a hobby.

And when a person has more reason then "I just don't want them", I hardly think it's fair to say "hey never say never". Not every single reason is going to change dramatically.

For example if I won the lotto, that would get rid of the college expenses/lack of work. But it doesn't cure hereditary issues or change my strong dislike for babies and young children.

It's a pet hate of mine being told, "ah, you never know, you might want them later". It undermines my feelings over the whole issue, and is akin to "you're young yet, you don't know what you're talking about". And it's strongly inaccurate.

Gongoozler

I definitely don't want children. I agree that our primary function is to reproduce, I wonder sometimes is not wanting children some sort of defect in me.

I also don't like tomatoes or carrots, never have. No one will tell me my mind will change on that :mad:

Mince Pie

I've always found it rather condescending when people march out the never say never or wait till your biological alarm clock ticks in.
I don't want kids and have already broken an engagement cos he changed his mind.
Funny how none of the men ever get that tripe directed at them.

I'm nearly 40 by the way so the "never say never" is getting tiring now.

LoonyLovegood

I want children, but don't know if I can biologically have them. I know my OH wants them too. We'll just have to wait and see.

Tasden

I didn't want any, contraception failed, am absolutely blessed with a child that practically raises herself, she's wonderful and well behaved. I always saw myself as too selfish to be a good mother and thats why I never wanted any.

I don't think I'd have any more because once this one is fully grown I can enjoy being selfish again and I'm looking forward to that! If I had the chance to change things knowing what I do now, I would choose to have her but that's only because I love her as a person- the having kids thing as a whole is exactly what I expected and to be very honest I wouldn't choose it if I didn't have such an awesome child.

duchalla

I'm Male, over 30, always knew I wanted kids, we've one 4 month old, would love another 1 or 2. As a buddy of mine said to me, "Ah shur, aren't they a great past time, something to do when you get tired of going on the piss...."

loveisdivine

Mince Pie wrote: »

I've always found it rather condescending when people march out the never say never or wait till your biological alarm clock ticks in.
I don't want kids and have already broken an engagement cos he changed his mind.
Funny how none of the men ever get that tripe directed at them.

I'm nearly 40 by the way so the "never say never" is getting tiring now.

I wonder what age you have to be to be considered grown up enough to make your own decisions and stand by them, without having people question it.

If I announced today that I was pregnant I could practically guarantee nobody would turn around and say "are you sure? what if you change your mind about them after you have them? I mean, it could happen, never say never" No, its all congratulations and smiles.

LoonyLovegood

I was listening to a podcast which had an episode on having kids, and one of the hosts revealed she'd had her tubes tied soon after she had married, and that it took several doctors to agree to do it. It wasn't until she and her husband said they were just too immature to have children that a doctor actually stopped and listened to them.

listermint

Mince Pie wrote: »

I've always found it rather condescending when people march out the never say never or wait till your biological alarm clock ticks in.
I don't want kids and have already broken an engagement cos he changed his mind.
Funny how none of the men ever get that tripe directed at them.

I'm nearly 40 by the way so the "never say never" is getting tiring now.

I find it rather sexist that you came out with that part.

BTW for you own interest i didnt know if that poster was male or female. Frankly it doesnt matter, because of course men are told sure you will change your mind at some stage.



You yourself experienced it.

As you have so proved my point. Your partner changed his mind. Hence backing up what ive already said......


B

listermint

loveisdivine wrote: »

I wonder what age you have to be to be considered grown up enough to make your own decisions and stand by them, without having people question it.

If I announced today that I was pregnant I could practically guarantee nobody would turn around and say "are you sure? what if you change your mind about them after you have them? I mean, it could happen, never say never" No, its all congratulations and smiles.

Em let me see, because this is an opinions board and you will always get peope questioning your opinion.

hence the point of the board...

Just the same as if you came in here and said Sure i never want to leave ireland the outside world scares me. People would have an opinion on that.

Dont feel defeated its what we are here for.

looking_around

CTYIgirl wrote: »

I was listening to a podcast which had an episode on having kids, and one of the hosts revealed she'd had her tubes tied soon after she had married, and that it took several doctors to agree to do it. It wasn't until she and her husband said they were just too immature to have children that a doctor actually stopped and listened to them.

wouldn't it have been better for the husband to get a vasectomy? much less intrusive, quicker healing time, and no long term risks. (apart from reversal doesn't always succeed)

Getting tubes tied at a young age can lead to alot physical pain and other problems a few years down the line.

(I've looked closely into it ):

listermint

looking_around wrote: »

wouldn't it have been better for the husband to get a vasectomy? much less intrusive, quicker healing time, and no long term risks. (apart from reversal doesn't always succeed)

Getting tubes tied at a young age can lead to alot physical pain and other problems a few years down the line.

(I've looked closely into it ):

Sure what would be the point in that, Seemingly men change their mind. And women are incapable of doing that ever.

humanji

Can we cut out the petty bickering, please?

Beefy78

I'm almost 35. I think I want kids in the future. My siblings all have a daughter each so I'm getting pressure to try to continue the family name...

I have my doubts about my ability to be a good father, but I have my doubts about my ability to choose a decent shirt or cook a decent bolognese sauce so maybe I just have too many doubts.

petes

Nope. Get along with other peoples kids quite well, but nah.

cletus van damme

I've 2 already.
They're great craic .
It's not always easy - was up all last night with the younger who is sick - so i'm twitchty on coffee all day.

But the crap things like that are nothing compared to the silly stuff we get up too.
The secret (imo) is to have a balance in your life, I still hit the gym most days and try to get out every 4-6 weeks on the beer.
Too many people (some of my peers) have kids and then retreat into a life of drudgery spending weekends in ikea and their idea of fun is x-factor with wine.

Mince Pie wrote: »

I've always found it rather condescending when people march out the never say never or wait till your biological alarm clock ticks in.
I don't want kids and have already broken an engagement cos he changed his mind.
Funny how none of the men ever get that tripe directed at them.

I'm nearly 40 by the way so the "never say never" is getting tiring now.

It amazes me that people get upset by the asinine remarks of others.
Mostly it's a casual throw away remark making conversation. Why get so annoyed?

Men do get it thrown at them too , quite a bit.

anto9

>>As long as the species is maintaining it's numbers that's all that really matters. <<
Really ?,i think that the Earth would be in a much better state without humans .Let them die out as far as i am concerned .
As for kids ,i never wanted any ,but have ended up with a step daughter who i love .

looking_around

listermint wrote: »

Sure what would be the point in that, Seemingly men change their mind. And women are incapable of doing that ever.

The point was that the two of them had agreed they didn't want kids, if the man was ok in her going through such intrusive surgery, I figured, it would make more sense for him to go through a surgery that is much less intrusive. With less chance of issues caused by it in later years.

listermint

looking_around wrote: »

The point was that the two of them had agreed they didn't want kids, if the man was ok in her going through such intrusive surgery, I figured, it would make more sense for him to go through a surgery that is much less intrusive. With less chance of issues caused by it in later years.

Fair point.

Mesut Ozil

For all those who don't want children: who will look after you when you get old? Do you wnat to spend the rest of your days n hospital? That's usually where old people get dumped f they have no kids or the money for an old folks home.

theblaqueguy

I don't want children at the moment I wouldn't have the earnings to support a child and give them a good quality of life maybe in the future if I meet someone that wants them too I might consider it

HigginsJ

When I was younger I didnt think I would. 30 now, got married to my.beautiful wife in june (we are together over 6 years) & our 1st is due in march/april.

Never been as excited/impatient/terrified in my life

bronte

Mesut Ozil wrote: »

For all those who don't want children: who will look after you when you get old? Do you wnat to spend the rest of your days n hospital? That's usually where old people get dumped f they have no kids or the money for an old folks home.

Pop down to your local nursing home and ask the staff in there how many of their clients are parents.

Galadriel

Mesut Ozil wrote: »

For all those who don't want children: who will look after you when you get old? Do you wnat to spend the rest of your days n hospital? That's usually where old people get dumped f they have no kids or the money for an old folks home.

I don't want children but even if I did I wouldn't want them looking after me when I'm too old to go to the bathroom myself, who would want that for their children? :eek:

looking_around

Mesut Ozil wrote: »

For all those who don't want children: who will look after you when you get old? Do you wnat to spend the rest of your days n hospital? That's usually where old people get dumped f they have no kids or the money for an old folks home.

You do know alot of those old people, have nieces/nephews or even kids of their own, that just don't care or cannot look after them?

Personally I hope not to "survive" to an age where I am incapable of looking after myself. I certainly won't be accepting surgeries in my later years that will prolong my "life".

There's also the option of saving up to pay for the old peoples home yourself.

Mesut Ozil

Mesut Ozil wrote: »

For all those who don't want children: who will look after you when you get old? Do you wnat to spend the rest of your days n hospital? That's usually where old people get dumped f they have no kids or the money for an old folks home.

That's a sh!tty reason to be having kids

keano_afc

Got a 3 year old and I cant wait to have more. Kids are awesome.

FurQyou

bluewolf wrote: »

That's a sh!tty reason to be having kids

Exactly! In my view having kids is one of the most selfish things a person can do.

I wouldn't force a conscious being into existence to have to endure life without a choice in the matter.

(and before anyone chimes in with the point that you can't choose... well duuuuuhhhh!! )

kiffer

I always just assumed kids would show up one day.
I was hardly ever worried when a partner had a pregnancy scare...
I remember once just thinking "well... I'd better get a better job".
but every woman I've been in a proper relationship with has been firmly in the "No kids camp".
Now I am in my 30s, not exactly raking it in and single so it's unlikely that kids are on the cards anytime soon.
Oh well.
*shrug*