Not invited to best friend's wedding

LegacyUser

We have been best friends since we were 12 and met in school, we're now 30. She was chief bridesmaid at my wedding last summer and I have been told that I am not invited to her wedding.

Her fiance and I do not get along at all, we haven't actually seen each other in five years (they've been together for nearly eight years). I don't think that he is good enough for her at all and I find him quite controlling, this all came to a head at a party the last time with saw it each other five years ago when we had a huge argument, he called me interfering and I told him how controlling I thought he was.

He said that he never wants to be in a room with me again so told my friend in no uncertain terms that I was not invited to their wedding next June and he is not backing down. I cannot imagine not being there and she is very upset by the whole situation too.

What can I do in this situation?

ABajaninCork

Nothing, I'm afraid. Wait and see what happens. I'd keep the lines of communication open between yourself and your friend though.

He sounds like a nasty, spiteful man who puts his own agends before your friend's TBH.

Stavro Mueller

Guttedfriend wrote: »

...What can I do in this situation?

Nothing. Given what you've just written I'm not one bit surprised that you're not invited. Playing a bit of devil's advocate here, what sane person would want their bitterest enemy at their wedding if they can avoid it?

I know you meant well and that it's killing you to see your friend with this man. However you did step over the mark by sticking your oar in. Regardless of what he's like as a person, you were interfering and doing a bit of controlling yourself. You've decided that he's not good enough for your friend and you had that row.

So just wish her well, respect the fiancé's wishes and keep the friendship going. Maybe (worst case scenario) she'll need you for moral support down the line if this goes pear-shaped. He doesn't sound like a particularly pleasant person but there's nothing anyone can do to stop your friend marrying him. The wedding is one day out of her life. It might be that it'll be far more important that she has you around in the years after the wedding if she has a reality check.

spank_inferno

Sound like he drew a line in the sand over your invite.
Which seems a bit control-freakery.

Nothing you can do.

Keep communicating with your friend.... Dont let the friendship die on account of one ass-bag of a husband.

We dont get many best friends in life.

Meauldsegosha

There is nothing you can to except tell your friend you understand and wish her the best.

Don't fall out with your friend over this. She was been put in an awful position. As the other posters said keep the lines of communications open.

m'lady

To me it sounds like he wants this to cause a massive fall out between you and your friend (by you getting angry about not being invited) , don't play into his hands, as a previous poster said wish her luck and send a nice card/gift?, that way you come out whiter than white! You never know between now and then she might see what a control freak she's marrying!

Alternatively you could be the bigger person by approaching him and maybe try clear the air for your friends sake?

Elliejo

Did you invite him to your wedding? Obviously he wouldn't go, but was he included in the invitation?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses.

To answer the question about my wedding, I went to my friend and asked what to do saying that I didn't want to be a hypocrite by inviting her then boyfriend but I didn't want her to be in an awkward position. She said that they had discussed my wedding and he was not going to go with or without an invitation. I, to avoid awkwardness did not actually send my friend an invitation, they live together and I didn't want to rub his nose in it and she was my chief bridesmaid so obviously knew she was invited.

Carlos Orange

spank_inferno wrote: »

Sound like he drew a line in the sand over your invite.
Which seems a bit control-freakery.

Who would want someone who actively disparages the relationship at their wedding? This should really have been sorted out years ago by just accepting the relationship as what the friend wanted. After 5 years it is unlikely to change unless the relationship is genuinely accepted and probably not even then.

Jack B. Badd

From the sounds of it, you can't stand your friend's partner & the fact that they're together. So why would you expect (or want) to be invited to a formalised celebration of their relationship?
As another poster said, offer her support if it all goes tits up in the future.

December2012

If she's really your best friend maybe you should accept her judgment instead of your own.

username123

I feel bad for your friend, she has been put in an impossible situation.

Naturally she is going to go with her husband to be's wishes here - he is about to become her husband, if she was choosing you over him there would be something wrong with her.

From your perspective, it was really bad form of you to publically disapprove of your friends choice of partner to the point of having a public mud slinging match with him. If you dont like him - fine. If you think she can do better - fine. But keep it to yourself. Unless your opinion on her choice of partner is actively sought by her then its really not nice of you to have interfered like that.

I dont blame him not wanting you there. I wouldnt have had someone at my wedding who was such a problem maker in my relationship. Why would he? Its his wedding day. Why invite someone who behaved the way you did towards him?

And from your perspective, how on earth can you not imagine not being there - surely given the fact of the history between you and him and FIVE years later it being unresolved - you hardly thought you would be invited did you? Why would you even want to go given your feelings towards him and your stance on the unsuitability of their relationship. If attending their wedding was foremost in your thoughts then you should have resolved the situation with him, 5 years ago.

Send your friend a card/gift wishing them all the best. There is nothing you can do about this now. However, after the wedding, when the dust has settled, you might consider contacting her husband and trying to resolve your differences with him. Because there is a long future of events, occasions, shared happiness etc that you will miss out on because of your past behaviour unless you get it sorted.

Im not saying he is whiter than white by the way, but just given what you have posted - your opinion on anyone elses relationship and whether or not someone is good enough for them is irrelevant. You interfered where you should not have and this is now the unfortunate consequence.

Oryx

If you want to go to the wedding, accept your friends choice of this man, and apologise sincerely to him for the argument and your behaviour since. After that it is up to the couple whether they can agree to have you there.

You can't make decisions for your friend and you totally over stepped the mark in how you interfered. You dont like him but SHE DOES. Apologising would help make her life easier long term.

Santa Cruz

It looks like your friend has made her choice. Her relationship with him is more important than her friendship with you. Prepare to drift apart because he is sure as hell not to entertain his wife going off to keep company with you.

honey79

A friend of mine was dating a man that I did not think was good enough for her they would fight a lot and she would come to me and i'd give her advise I really did not like this man we had been friends for a long time

The day she told me they were getting married I stopped giving her my opinion I knew it would only come between us

I was bridesmaid at the wedding I still don't think he's good enough for her but I will be there if she ever needs me
but people have to make up their own minds

Cd_doe

Maybe he's worried You'll start another argument with him??

You should have let them be and not gave her (the girl who loves him and is marrying him) your opinion of him etc...

Don't think there is much you can do

Toast4532

I don't blame the groom for not wanting you there OP. You don't like him, and made the known publicly by having an argument with him and you have made no attempt to resolve any issues between you.

Personally, if I was your friend, I would have ended our friendship after you behaved like that towards her fiance.

You have absolutely no right to interfere in anyone's relationship unless it directly affects you, and your friends relationship does not affect you.

Put yourself in your friends position - if you were her how would you feel if she interfered in your relationship and treated your partner like that?

Frankly you don't deserve to be invited to share their special day given your past behaviour. If you were invited, how are they to know you won't start a row/trouble on their special day? You've done it before, there's nothing to say you won't do it again, and they deserve to enjoy their special day without worrying about you being there, causing trouble etc.

Big Bag of Chips

Without making amends with her future husband then it is obvious that you wouldn't be invited. As far as he knows your feelings towards him, which you made very clear 5 years ago, have not changed... And you admit yourself they have not changed.

Why would he want the stress of having someone at his wedding who he knows hates him and thinks he is not good enough to be marrying his bride? Would you have had someone at your wedding who thought that of your husband? Yes, it's your best friend's wedding... But it is also his wedding and you don't get a say in the guest list.

If your friend is very upset about it, then you have the power to stop that upset. Tell her you understand his position and you completely respect their decision. Don't try to make her feel guilty about you not being there, and do not make their day about you. It's about them. And if you cannot be happy for them, then you have no place at their day.

If you think you can genuinely bury the hatchet and make your peace with him, accept him as the person your friend has chosen to spend her life with, and be sincerely happy for them getting married, then maybe you could approach him to try resolve it.

Otherwise stay away and don't bring it up with her again. She respects his need to not have you there, more than her want to have you there. Like it or not, if you are not there on the day, you won't be missed. Whereas if you are there, it will almost certainly cause tension for the couple. Nobody should want that for their best friend on her wedding day.

LegacyUser

Grow up, back off, and stop trying to interfere & control your friend's life. The irony of you calling her husband to be 'controlling' is astounding!

If I were her, I'd have cut all ties with you years ago due to your bad behaviour.

LegacyUser

Why on earth would you be invited? You've made it blindingly obvious that you hate the guy! If I were him, hell would freeze over before I'd have you there, after your behaviour. You might think that you're justified in your opinion - but your friend obviously does not. Pipe down and stop being so unrealistic.

Neyite

Op, I lost a friend some years ago over a bloke. I wasnt impressed with the way that he put her down, or slagged her off, and told her this. They werent long together when I said it, but after that he made it a campaign to ruin our friendship. I had to go abroad for several months and when I returned, they were on the brink of moving in together and she dropped all contact and pretence at friendship. I was very hurt and in lots of ways, it hurt more than a boy break up. That was in 2002. And I never heard from her again until last year, a decade later when she looked me up on facebook. Married, to him, and a couple of kids. Seems happy, and I'm glad for her. Nothing near the closeness we used to share, but if she needed me, I'd be the friend I was back in 2002 for her.

The thing is, if you are wrong about him, its a horrible accusation and its no wonder he does not want to see you at his wedding. If you are right about him, then he is exerting his influence, and enjoying hurting you (and her by not having her best friend there). Truth is, if he is controlling and possibly abusive, you falling out with her is playing directly into his hands. Controlling partners prefer to slowly isolate their partners from their support network to deepen the control.

Ignore the wedding for now. I know it hurts, but it really only is a day out and she may really need true friends in the future if you are right about him. Send a gift, wish them well, and in a subtle way, let her know that your door is always open to her would be my advice to you.

Paddy Cow

Guttedfriend wrote: »

We have been best friends since we were 12 and met in school, we're now 30. She was chief bridesmaid at my wedding last summer and I have been told that I am not invited to her wedding.

Her fiance and I do not get along at all, we haven't actually seen each other in five years (they've been together for nearly eight years). I don't think that he is good enough for her at all and I find him quite controlling, this all came to a head at a party the last time with saw it each other five years ago when we had a huge argument, he called me interfering and I told him how controlling I thought he was.

He said that he never wants to be in a room with me again so told my friend in no uncertain terms that I was not invited to their wedding next June and he is not backing down. I cannot imagine not being there and she is very upset by the whole situation too.

What can I do in this situation?

I don't agree with all the people giving you a hard time about interfering with your friends' relationship but I do agree that you shouldn't be at the wedding. You had an argument with the guy years ago and for all we know he could be the biggest arsehole on the planet but it is still his wedding day and I can understand him not wanting you there.

I would be very surprised if your friendship survives this. If you were just an acquaintance who disapproved of the match it would be easier to keep your distance, send a gift and wish your friend well. She was your chief bridesmaid which means that she shared every step of your wedding. Usually best friends reciprocate bridesmaids duties but not only will you not be a bridesmaid, you are not invited to the wedding which means you will not be involved in any part of the planning, which is gonna hurt.

Obviously the "big day" is about the bride and groom but that one day takes about 18 months of planning which the bride can't shut up about* (stereotyping based on life experience :P. Your friend is getting married in 8 months. For those 8 months, either you become a robot and programme yourself to not get hurt every time your friend talks about the wedding or your friend doesn't mention it which brings in a whole other level of awkwardness. Either way, best friends share everything and your friend is not going to be able to share the biggest event in her life with you. Will you be invited to the hen party?

You have taken a lot of flak for falling out with your friend's OH but has your friend ever tried to make peace between you two? You and her partner seem to have come to an unspoken agreement that you don't like each other and don't speak because of this. If you don't bitch to your friend about her partner or try to make her break up with him, then you are not guilty of interfering with the relationship.

Op the next few months are going to be hard. Your friend is going through a big life event, something you are going to have very little involvement in and it is going to change your relationship with her. You have to ask yourself if her partner really is a bad guy who you don't want her to marry or did you overstep the mark five years ago and are too stubborn to make amends?

If your friend was a confident, assertive adult she would've banged your heads together years ago and told you both to cop on. It sounds like she has a passive personality and will go along with whatever makes her life easier eg she was happy to be your chief bridesmaid but not invite her partner to keep you both happy. That works short term but long term her "people pleasing" approach isn't going to work. What happens when they have kids? Sorry to sound harsh but you won't be invited will be barred from christenings, birthdays etc.

It sounds like you have three options:
i) put your feelings on the back burner and accept that your friendship is going to deteriorate

ii) talk to your friends' partner and try to make amends

iii) wait for your friend to realise that her partner is a controlling arsehole who doesn't deserve her*

*This option may backfire. If he is indeed a douchebag and it takes her ten years of a loveless, controlling marriage to figure this out, there is no guarantee that she will want to be friends with you again. People are funny and get quite defensive over their mistakes and you could end up being the person who saw the end result from the start but get accused of "never giving him a chance" and get pushed away anyways.

I wish you and your friend all the best but I have a feeling that no matter what you do, like your username you will end up feeling gutted.

Animord

I had this happen years ago, again a friend since school. Before she married him I took her out and with a large glass of wine I told her that I didn't like him and neither did any of her friends and I told her exactly why. I then said that if she loved him and was going to stay with him then I would never bring up the subject again and that would be the end of it. 10 years later she is still madly in love, they have a bunch of kids and I still don't like him but she and I are still close friends.

Clearly it is too late for you to do this, but if you value the friendship, I would sit her down and apologise for the fight, for which you have 50% of the blame and tell her that you will support her if that is what she wants to do and that you will be polite and friendly if you meet him (and mean it). Then it is up to her really, I wouldn't expect to be invited to the wedding, but things might change over the coming years.

freshpopcorn

This is my honest opinion, if I was getting married I would not like to invite somebody who might cause a fight on the big day because it would be something people would always remember especially if it was with the groom.
Also, If my best friend didn't like my partner. I wouldn't be happy about the idea but I would get over it. But I would have an issue saying that they were not good enough for me. First of all your telling the girl that the guy she is marrying isn't good enough for her. This could nearly make the woman feel inferior because your saying the man she's marrying isn't good enough.
Also, I would feel sorry for the guy. If he was trying his best and he did love the girl. Somebody telling him. Oh your not good enough for xxxxx. Could destroy the guys confidence and make him feel bad about himself/depressed.

wirelessdude01

OP, you said you haven't seen this man in 5 years but that his wife was your chief bridesmaid at your wedding last year. Where was he for your wedding? Sounds like you dug your own grave with your big mouth many years ago. Would you like it if someone was saying hurtful/nasty things about your husband? Would you want to go do things with them? From what you have said this whole mess seems to be down to what YOU have said and not him.

LegacyUser

You seem fairly annoyed by this, would you go anyway?

LegacyUser

OP, in a way I agree with some people saying you should't be invited to their wedding. I got married a few months back and the politics of weddings are mental.
But, in saying that, my brother & his now wife, do not talk to me (long story) & my other brother. I still sent the pair of them an invite to my wedding. Its a hard thing to do to be the bigger person. My husband didn't want them there, but we sent an invite. They declined the invite, which was their choice, but we never got an invite to his wedding.

In all honesty, you should have sent him an invite to your wedding. If she is mad about him let them be. Its not just her day, its his day. But he should respect her and let her invite you if she wants to.

As others have said, just say you are there for her no matter what. Although, I wouldn't apologise for speaking your mind/opinion. Everyone is entitled to it.

And if she was really Your best friend ever, she would be understanding, isn't that what friends are for?

P. Breathnach

Here is what I think you should do as a friend who wants the best for the bride and does not want to make her day difficult: go to the church and take a place near the back (more like a spectator than a participant in the ceremony); when the couple come out, look for an opportunity to approach your friend without getting too close to her husband; give her a hug and wish her well; if it seems natural, give her husband a civil greeting. Then leave them to it.

If others ask if you are going to the reception, just say that you can't make it. It won't help anybody if you let it be known that her husband does not want you there.

ABajaninCork

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Here is what I think you should do as a friend who wants the best for the bride and does not want to make her day difficult: go to the church and take a place near the back (more like a spectator than a participant in the ceremony); when the couple come out, look for an opportunity to approach your friend without getting too close to her husband; give her a hug and wish her well; if it seems natural, give her husband a civil greeting. Then leave them to it.

If others ask if you are going to the reception, just say that you can't make it. It won't help anybody if you let it be known that her husband does not want you there.

I think this is a nice idea. But I wouldn't approach the bride and groom under any circumstances. Just slip away the minute the wedding is over.

Definitely do not approach the bride and groom after being expressly forbidden to! It's their day and they don't need the hassle or the onset of an argument about it - I said she wasn't invited what are you playing at - but I didn't invite her she just showed up - etc
Spectator at the back, *maybe*. Approaching them, absolutely not.
I'd apologise before that tbh and try to sort it out beforehand instead

freshpopcorn

If your not asked to the wedding don't go at all in my opinion.
Could you imagine if the bride was on the alter and she looked down the church and she saw somebody there that she might cause a fight with the man she was marrying. This would make the woman very uneasy/upset during the ceremony!

Stavro Mueller

I know this is hammering home the point with a sledgehammer now but a couple of posters have mentioned the long-term repercussions of this feud. It truly is a case of the chickens coming home to roost. Unless you and him can patch things up, the wedding's going to be the first of many occasions you're going to be barred from. Especially if they have kids

P. Breathnach

I agree with those who think they are disagreeing with me. What I meant was that OP might find an opportunity to have a quick word with the bride when the groom's attention is elsewhere. Generally when couples come out of the church, things can be fluid, and it often arises that the bride and groom are separated for some of the time.

If the groom spots OP, a civil greeting seems unlikely to do any harm.

LegacyUser

Ok, I am here assuming that the groom is actually a good guy but we've no evidence or otherwise really.

Imagine, anyone here, male or female, you're with the love of your life and his/her friend has always been cold and then after three years starts shouting about you at a party and for the next five years, you don't even see each other. You agree with your bride/groom that he/she shouldn't be involved in the celebration of your love but he/she decides 'she/he can't imagine not being there' so just turns up?

Seriously?!?!?!

Meauldsegosha

Sorry P. Breathnach normally your advice is spot on but on this occasion you are way off. The OP is not invited to the wedding and that includes the church. If she wants to wish her friend well drop around to her house the night before but the wedding day is about the bride and groom and not about the OP easing her conscious.

P. Breathnach

People are different. OP has a better chance than any of us has of knowing what might be workable, and what might cause a problem.

December2012

I don't think that gestures of reconciliation should be made at it around the wedding. It puts the bride in a horrible position.

Why wait - the op could do it now if she wanted to.

homemadecider

You didn't invite him to your wedding, but you expected him to invite you to his?? Let it go.

Mickeroo

Going to the wedding, even in a discreet manner like that, would be very inappropriate imo and pretty selfish too. Let them enjoy their day.

Merkin

Yes, if you're not invited you absolutely, under no circumstances go near the church or the venue on the day - you would be going against their express wishes and would cause untold trouble for yourself.

On this occasion you need to respect the couple's wishes. Your wedding day is so special and if he doesn't want you there for fear of a scene then you have to go along with that. You didn't invite him to your wedding either.

Accept the decision and get them a nice gift. If you act up and misbehave then her husband will feel vindicated won't he? If on the other hand you act like a lady and accept this, you may be doing yourself favours in the long run you know? See if you can go and have a glass of bubbly with the bride the night before to wish her well and leave it at that. It's only one day.

username123

Absolutely do not go to the church!! That would be such a scummy thing to do. The wedding day is about them, not you. You can wave your friendship completely goodbye if you go to the church.

Generally at weddings the bride and groom have some close friends clued in to handle trouble makers, you could expect to be taken aside and spoken to extremely harshly if you did show up.

It would really be the actions of someone who is a nut job to show at a wedding that they are expressly excluded from.

Stavro Mueller

On reflection, you're better off staying away from the church. It is a nice thought in theory but one that's more likely to end in disaster in reality. For starters, your chances of meeting your friend out of sight of the groom at the church are slim to none. Then there's the very real danger of you being recognised by someone - if word if that gets back....
And finally, if you're barred from the wedding, do you really want to resort to sneaking in and sneaking out of the church?

As I said earlier, what you need to do now is decide whether you can patch things up after the wedding or accept being sidelined from now on. Neither scenario is palatable of course but unfortunately your friend's life is going to be focussing far more around her husband and family in the future.

seamus

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

If she wants to wish her friend well drop around to her house the night before but the wedding day is about the bride and groom and not about the OP easing her conscious.

I think this is a good idea, though perhaps not the night before, that could upset the bride. If she says to her husband, "Oh, X turned up at the house last night and now I feel really bad", then it makes the OP look even worse, like she's trying to cause trouble.

Maybe take her out for lunch or a drink or something between now and then, just the two of you, to make it clear that you understand why you can't be at the wedding and to let her know that there's no hard feelings from your side.

Send her a card after the wedding.

As said above, if you really want to be there, then it's grovelling time. To him. But you sound like you've made up your mind about him and any apology would be hollow and insincere, so it's probably best to let it lie.

username123 wrote: »

Generally at weddings the bride and groom have some close friends clued in to handle trouble makers, you could expect to be taken aside and spoken to extremely harshly if you did show up.

Generally weddings don't have bouncers, most people don't have "enemies"
I don't think anyone would "take her aside" as you put it, but it would reflect badly on the OP, as she will look like she's deliberately trying to stir something. The bride will be uncomfortable, and anyone who knows the reason why the OP hasn't been invited will lose respect for her. Plus it makes the groom look better, because it makes it look like he was justified in not inviting the OP.

username123

seamus wrote: »

Generally weddings don't have bouncers, most people don't have "enemies"

I never said anything about enemies? Not sure what gives you that impression. I specifically stated trouble makers. Pretty much all close friends of mine who married asked a few people to keep an eye out for hassle and nip it in the bud. Anything from great auntie Donna getting too sozzled and trying to do the tango to obnoxious +1s getting rowdy on too much booze, or even knackery crashers trying to get free booze.

Most Irish weddings are melting pots of far too much booze and far too many people. You'd be an idiot not to have some reasonable people on alert for problems. In this case specifically there is a worry that a trouble maker (previous public row) could show, so of course people will be keeping an eye. Naive to think otherwise tbh.

JenEffy

I don't like the girl my friend is dating. If they were to get married I'd rather not be invited to the wedding because I couldn't genuinely congratulate them. OP, would you want anyone at your wedding who wasn't happy for you? Your friend was right not to invite you. It's their day and they don't want trouble.

Santa Cruz

You would be very arrogant and ill mannered to turn up at any part of the ceremony. Turn up and it will cause trouble. It's not all about you

beks101

It's incredibly upsetting when your partner and a close friend don't get along and massively stressful in any social situation, let alone your own wedding.
I'm not surprised you haven't been invited and can't even imagine the guilt, stress and sadness your friend has been going through over this - don't make it worse for her by getting indignant and stroppy about it.

And while your intentions were clearly good, I think your friend's fiance was right - you WERE interfering and it wasn't your place.

One of my dearest friends is going out with an absolute aRsebandit who none of us liked from the get-go - a real disrespectful, bitter, resentful, negative character. Any friend who stuck the oar in was dropped accordingly and five years later, the couple have a child together and are still going strong.

To me, she's streets above him, but my opinion is irrelevant; he makes her happy and she is adult enough to decide what/who she wants and that has to be respected.

I'm unsure at this stage if your situation is even repairable, but the best thing to do by your friend would be to apologize to her fiance and wish them well.

blondie990

You haven't seen them in 5 years, why would you be going to the wedding anyway?

ABajaninCork

blondie990 wrote: »

You haven't seen them in 5 years, why would you be going to the wedding anyway?

The OP hasn't seen HIM for five years...

LegacyUser

OP, I think it's incredibly hypocritical that you even want to go to the wedding. You can't stand this guy and want to go and put on fake smiles and offer fake congratulations. The statement "I can't imagine not being there" just goes beyond it, why? why would you want to be there? I think your head is the clouds for even thinking you would be invited and find it quite fickle that your more upset about not going to the wedding, to be involved, than the fact that your friend is marrying this man that is so horrendously wrong for her. But no, you'd be happy enough to go along for the day out. Regardless of the wrongs or rights of your actions, it would be so much worse for you to go to the wedding. Also to even think or contemplate bringing this up with the bride to me is tacky and could cause unnecessary hurt. Say nothing, your not invited, due to your own actions, build a bridge. I went to a hen party of a girl we had been friends with years ago who I hadn't seen and it cost a pretty penny for the weekend, the hen party was a shambles, paranoid bride making us move pubs if a fella so much as said hello to any of us, in case her fella found out. Then going to bed at a ridiculously early hour and expecting us to follow, when we went back to the rental house we were greeted with looks as if we were bold children. We were left out of a lot of the planning for the hen party, had to sort our own outfits etc. As for the wedding, one of the girls was supposed to be bridesmaid and was basically dropped without being told officially. Later on a good few of us were asked to uninvite our plus ones to the wedding, she said she couldn't afford it. On top of all of this, we never speak to the girl, and haven't heard from her since that was over 2 years ago, and also her fella is controlling and I don't trust him. Did I go to the wedding? No. Did I dream about getting in to why or approaching the bride about it, No. I told her money was tight(which it was) and I couldn't make it. Don't be a hypocrit OP, if you want to make ammends further down the line, see what happens, but it's there wedding day and anything you do now, is just so YOU don't miss out, BUT its not YOUR day. Leave them be.

LegacyUser

I can't understand why you would want to go to this wedding. Are you worried about what your other freinds will say when they don't see you there?
To be honest you had a major public fight with her boyfreind five years ago and you have made no effort with him since so I can undersand why he does not want you at his wedding.

One thing I would tell you not to do is to turn up to the church as you will only cause a sceen which your friend won't like. I would agree with previous posts that most couples will get one or two close friends to keep an eye on what is going on and step in before something bad happens ie the overly drunk guest ect.
Why should you spoil your frineds wedding day because you are unhappy about not been invited.

It time for you to grow up over this and realise the position you have put your friend in.
Instead of causeing her problems re the wedding you should just tell her I understand that I can't go to the wedding but I hope you both will be very happy.
I would buy her a nice wedding present and give it to her a few weeks before the wedding.