Would you be turned off by someone having a kid?

Kold

It's happened more than once that I've hooked up with someone to find out they're a single mother. Now the reason these relationships don't work out is mostly that I'm completely relationshipphobic anyway but if I'm being honest, if given the option, I'd certainly avoid a relationship with a single parent.

I mean if I fall for a girl and she happens to have a kid I'd be more willing to give it a bash but ideally... It's a little bit too much baggage for me at this stage of my life.

Admitting that to myself makes me feel a little bad so I guess I want to see what other people's views are. I imagine when I hit my late 30's I'll care less but at this stage in my late 20's, I don't really want to have to deal with that.

So how do you feel about it? Do you think it shifts with what stage your life is at?

princess-lala

AH is turning into all things dating :eek:

AnonoBoy

If I was watching them have the kid it'd be a bit of a turn off but she probably wouldn't be in the mood for loving right then so it probably wouldn't be an issue.

canadianwoman

The guys my age who have kids are generally grandfathers by now so it wouldn't matter to me anyway.

pauliebdub

I personally wouldn't and this is based on past experiences, there was just too much baggage. Probably worse as Im gay and was dating a father who came out in his late 30's and had left his wife.

There were a lot of things to contend with, not being able to spend much time together due to family commitments or go on holidays much, dealing with a bitter and angry ex wife who would do anything to make life difficult and sulky brazen kids. It was too much really.

super_furry

With someone who has a kid already, you're always going to be their second priority. That's fine if you can accept that, but it could put a dampener on things early on.

Sauve

I think I'd be ok with a kid. My issue would be moreso if their mother was a big part in his life, so much so that it encroached on my relationship with him.

stimpson

Apart from my wife?

karaokeman

I don't think "turned off" would be the right term because a woman's sex appeal and a child are two completely different things. I would definitely say it would be a lot more pressure in the early days to know you have both boyfriend and father responsibilities and it really depends how much each party could organize their spare hours to have alone time and time with the kid. That said its still an issue I'm undecided on.

jimgoose

If they did it right in front of me without any sporting warning probably, yes.

FurQyou

Definitely not. Especially if it was a natural birth.. Sure it's like throwin a sausage down o' connell street like!

clairefontaine

If the person is worth it, then sure.

Nodin

jimgoose wrote: »

If they did it right in front of me without any sporting warning probably, yes.

Ahhh no, they don't do that. First all gooey water comes out, then theres roars and screamin, so ye'll be well warned.

Cork selfbuild

Been there, done that, got out...

The poor kid was used like a pawn by the mother when things didn't work out.

It was the mother, not the kid. Once bitten twice shy.

sam34

yes, absolutely, i would be turned off. I don't want children of my own and certainly don't want anyone else's children to be a significant part of my life.

Duck's hoop

After a certain age, the chances of hooking up with people with kids are loaded.

I've done it twice, and I didn't enjoy it tbh. I'm sure the kids see you as an invader, at least that was my experience.

The mother's priority is the kid, obviously, and there was a kind of subconscious teaming up between them. So I always felt like an interloper.

And try as I might, I'm pretty sure I couldn't love another's child as if it was my own. So that's not fair straight off.

A lonely and bitter life I will lead.

NegativeCreep

The worst is having a one night stand and finding out the next morning she's got three childer. And I'm only 19 ffs

Khannie

Married someone who had a child. Wasn't an issue.

Rubylolz

Like to say it wouldn't bother me but I guess ya never know until your in the situation... When you hit late 20's \ 30's everyone has some sort of baggage...

kev1.3s

Met someone who had a baby and subsequently married, I won't say it was without its trials but I'm also old enough to know life's not a fairy tale.

magicmushroom

Dating someone who was a Father wouldn't bother me at all, I'd be more concerned about the Ex lurking around in the background, causing trouble for all future relationships - if she was definitely off the scene and happily settled in a new relationship, it would be cool. But if she was jealous and a bit of a crazy, I'd stay well away.

I think it's different dating a man who has a child to a woman with a child; the man is likely to only see them at weekends etc, whereas a woman would probably have the child 90% of the time.

Femme_Fatale

karaokeman wrote: »

I would definitely say it would be a lot more pressure in the early days to know you have both boyfriend and father responsibilities

In fairness, having father responsibilities, if any, would be a long, long way down the line.

wandatowell

Id run a mile tbh, having the other parent in and out of my life. Fcuk that.


No time for it

flanders1979

sam34 wrote: »

yes, absolutely, i would be turned off. I don't want children of my own and certainly don't want anyone else's children to be a significant part of my life.

You must love halloween.
Get a cat for yourself.

Novella

My boyfriend has a son. At first, I was a little apprehensive but seeing him being such a wonderful and caring dad turned out to be something I really love about him.

Pherekydes

I wouldn't fancy being in a relationship with someone who thought my kids were "baggage".

NegativeCreep

Pherekydes wrote: »

I wouldn't fancy being in a relationship with someone who thought my kids were "baggage".

Yeah that;s a fairly strong word to be using about someones kids in fairness.

flanders1979

flanders1979 wrote: »

You must love halloween.
Get a cat for yourself.

Mod

Don't bother posting in this thread again

anncoates

I never had a proper relationship with somebody that already had kids so in a complete departure from AH norms, I don't really know how I'd feel about it.

H2UMrsRobinson

Baggage comes in all shapes and sizes and does not always have arms and legs.

RhubarbCrumble

magicmushroom wrote: »

I think it's different dating a man who has a child to a woman with a child; the man is likely to only see them at weekends etc, whereas a woman would probably have the child 90% of the time.

Unfortunately it can be just as bad. I used to go out with someone who had three little princesses. That's a road I will NEVER go down again.

Legs.Eleven

Depends on whether the kids was cute or not. If it was ugly, people might think it was mine and that'd be embarrassing.

MonkstownHoop

If your'e put off by a kid you are the one who's not worth it, not her/him

anncoates

Think people are missing the point complaining about kids being a priority.

Children are a non-negotiable responsibility.

Would anybody really even respect - let alone love - somebody willing to neglect their own children in order to placate a needy girlfriend or boyfriend?

Sauve

MonkstownHoop wrote: »

If your'e put off by a kid you are the one who's not worth it, not her/him

Ah that's a bit unfair, people have all sorts of reasons for not wanting to have kids in their lives, and are entitled to that. It'd be worse if they got into it regardless and ended up having a horrible relationship with, and resenting the kids down the road.

Johro

My ex had a little girl from a previous relationship, our relationship lasted eight years, and tbh it was the little girl I missed most when I broke up with ex. I mean it was really f#ckin hard. I made sure she knew I'd always be around if she needed me coz I loved her as I would if she were my own daughter, and I still do. She calls me her dad. I'm happy with that.
So no. If he/she is a nice person it shouldn't matter at all.

karaokeman

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

In fairness, having father responsibilities, if any, would be a long, long way down the line.

Not really having a child is a commitment from day one. I think the only way the relationship would work out is if the effort put in by each partner was equal.

Femme_Fatale

Johro wrote: »

My ex had a little girl from a previous relationship, our relationship lasted eight years, and tbh it was the little girl I missed most when I broke up with ex. I mean it was really f#ckin hard. I made sure she knew I'd always be around if she needed me coz I loved her as I would if she were my own daughter, and I still do. She calls me her dad.

Aw... That's a very difficult aspect, which I wouldn't have thought about until it happened to a friend of mine when her relationship (also eight years) ended with a man who had a little boy whom she became a second mother-figure to.

Johro

Johro wrote: »

My ex had a little girl from a previous relationship, our relationship lasted eight years, and tbh it was the little girl I missed most when I broke up with ex. I mean it was really f#ckin hard. I made sure she knew I'd always be around if she needed me coz I loved her as I would if she were my own daughter, and I still do. She calls me her dad. I'm happy with that.
So no. If he/she is a nice person it shouldn't matter at all.

Jaysus I don't know what's feckin wrong with me tonight but that made my eyes fill up with tears. That's heartbreaking

Femme_Fatale

karaokeman wrote: »

Not really having a child is a commitment from day one. I think the only way the relationship would work out is if the effort put in by each partner was equal.

If you started going out with a parent, they wouldn't (and shouldn't) expect you to be doing parental duties in the early days at all. They might not even introduce you to their child(ren). If anything, it would be a bit unfair on the other parent (if they're still around) to try and take their place. It's something that would have to take quite some time for the child(ren) to get used to.

NoClues

I wouldn't throw Katy Perry out of bed. ..

pharmaton

for someone with little interest in guys, when I see one playing with their kid I get a bit squishy.

NegativeCreep

NoClues wrote: »

I wouldn't throw Katy Perry out of bed. ..

Does she have kids?

anncoates

NoClues wrote: »

I wouldn't throw Katy Perry out of bed. ..

True.

Now the top floor of a high building, on the other hand....

NoClues

NegativeCreep wrote: »

Does she have kids?

Who said anything about kids?

JenEffy

I don't ever want children, so yes that would be a deal-breaker for me.

JenEffy

NoClues wrote: »

Who said anything about kids?

This thread is about people with kids.

April O Neill

NoClues wrote: »

Who said anything about kids?

I like cake.

Johro

April O Neill wrote: »

I like cake.

Me too, it has to be said.

Abigayle

Kold wrote: »

It's happened more than once that I've hooked up with someone to find out they're a single mother. Now the reason these relationships don't work out is mostly that I'm completely relationshipphobic anyway but if I'm being honest, if given the option, I'd certainly avoid a relationship with a single parent.

I mean if I fall for a girl and she happens to have a kid I'd be more willing to give it a bash but ideally... It's a little bit too much baggage for me at this stage of my life.

Admitting that to myself makes me feel a little bad so I guess I want to see what other people's views are. I imagine when I hit my late 30's I'll care less but at this stage in my late 20's, I don't really want to have to deal with that.

So how do you feel about it? Do you think it shifts with what stage your life is at?

Nothing to feel bad about to be honest. Not saying that you'd ever be ready for a relationship with someone with a child, but I think two things have to come into play if you do meet someone with a child.

You may have to hit a point where it's not deal breaker anymore, and she's hit all the right spots in terms of personality. Not to say that will ever work for you, but its worth not ruling out, because you never who you'd meet.

padd b1975

It could be a turn off for me, if the child was an ill-mannered little brat.
Otherwise, it would not cause me a second thought.