how many children did you want to have and how many did you have

monkeysnapper

As the title says. My wife and I talked about this and i think 4 was the plan. But we left it quite late, we were both into our mid 30s before we had our first child due to work and building our house.
We have 2 children now, a girl (4) and a boy (16mths) and i just dont think we can financially have another child even though my wife says she would like another. Things are just so tight on the money front and i dont want us struggling any more than we are.

Our little man had really bad colic for the 1st few months and that was really hard .We both discussed the issue of pros and cons in having another child in very late 30s now and were both really on the fence.

Paddy Fields

My ex-wife just had one thing when it came to children and that was that she didn't just want one as she was an only child and she said it was quite lonely growing up. We had 2 girls and when our second girl was 3 years old she wanted to have another baby as she really wanted a son, in fact she desired a boy even more than I did but we had another daughter so we have 3 girls. In the fast lane towards 50 now and I think my baby making days are over.

The girls and I decided on 4. They want two each. I am 34 and they are 32 and 26. Currently we have one child (3) with one on the way (just past the 14ish week mark now, yay). So I guess I am heading towards old age but the youngest has 8 years on me so not too late for her yet.

I can not imagine having more than 4 though. I think it would be overwhelming. I have no end of respect for those who have 6, 8 or even more and manage to do so without any noticable loss of sanity or health. I fully intend to get anything and everything snipped and/or tied in a not with relation to having no more after 4.

Ken Tucky

Just one and our hearts break that we cant have another. Specially reading how lonely it can be being an only child.

We tried Iui and Ivf but had no joy. We decided to stop as it was so tough mentally and you got to live for the now.

Little fella told us he was lonely the other day because there was no children to play with around..heartbreaking after all we have been through.

Gptta focus on how lucky we are to have him. We did want 4 at one stage. Funny how things turn out.....

Xdancer

I never wanted any, but now have a beautiful daughter
I would be happy not to have any more, but I would like her to have a sibling. However we really cannot afford another child right now, and I'm 35 so if we were to have another one it would need to be in the next year (if we would be lucky enough to be able to conceive again). I don't want to have a child in my late 30s (just a personal preference)

Tasden

Never really planned kids- wasnt against having them per se, just never factored them in, but I have one girl now. Think I will stick with just one but that could change. Right now she is six and I am stuck between sticking with one and regaining a bit of freedom as she gets older, or having another and going back to square one with all the baby stuff. Right now mentally I couldn't cope with another child however in a few years I might but then the whole going back to the beginning seems a bit more daunting!

monkeysnapper

Tasden wrote: »

Never really planned kids- wasnt against having them per se, just never factored them in, but I have one girl now. Think I will stick with just one but that could change. Right now she is six and I am stuck between sticking with one and regaining a bit of freedom as she gets older, or having another and going back to square one with all the baby stuff. Right now mentally I couldn't cope with another child however in a few years I might but then the whole going back to the beginning seems a bit more daunting!

This is exactly where I am at moment, I just can't stomach the thought of going back to square one, its a bit selfish but I told my wife I wanted whole lot together , its just that lot together is 2 for me . But I just want to make it clear we both sat down and discussed that and both agreed on that one.
The one thing with money in mind the 4 year old will be going to school next September so we can start little man in crèche march/April next year, I think it's important for him to be in there. I feel guilty we can't afford to have both children in crèche

seosamh1980

Just for anyone with or planning an only child. I am one, and I never felt lonely growing up, and I was the only grandchild too for a long time. Sure I didn't know any different, how could I feel I was missing something? I had plenty of friends, I had a great vocabulary from playing and talking with adults all the time and from reading so much. I am well able to function with my own company and never had any problems entertaining myself, I was very creative and had a great imagination, all things that have stood to me as an adult.

Having siblings doesn't guarantee that you will get on with them does it? Plenty of people can still be lonely growing up with a sibling or more.

Edit: Actually also, you have no idea how amazing Christmas and birthdays are when you are the only child and grandchild, *showered* with love, cuddles and gifts

Moonbeam

I think I find being an only child worse as an adult then as I child. I survived it though and people often don't make the decision to have 1 as was in my case and it is just the way things happen.
We never had much money so I did not do any better at christmas and birthdays.
I have 3 kids 4,2 and 8 months and 4 is the dream.

We decided to take life as it comes, definitely wanted one and luckily hit the jackpot with the best little boy ever.

As I posted on another thread, I never had a figure in my head when it came to children. I'm long enough in the tooth to have witnessed family and friends fixate on a certain number and/or age gap and suffer huge disappointment when it didn't happen like that.

As things turned out we had a very unexpected redundancy and a very serious illness strike after our son was born. They both had life changing impacts on us and if nothing else I've learned to live in the moment. You simply never know what's around the corner in this life.

We may have another child, we may not. I'm not remotely broody, I'm so glad I've just the one when I see my friends with a baby and a toddler and am only too happy to hand a newborn back after a cuddle!

Suucee

I want 3. OH wants 2. So were going to have to see who caves. We have 1 and one on the way so i may change my mind when we have 2.
Our daughter will be 23 months when no 2 comes. Exactly the kind of age gap we hoped for.

Moonbeam

I have exactly 24 between 1 and 2 and 2 and 3 and it is a perfect gap.

Lisha

I always said 3.
First was a boy, a girl arrived (unplanned) when he was 2.5. It was a nice gap.
When I was pregnant with her I said if I was having a girl then I would have a 3rd so she would have a sister (hopefully)
But a tough pregnancy followed by a horrific birth means that 2 is now my limit.

On a practical level 2 is better for us financially and stress wise.

I glad we are done. I love our two to bits and am enjoying every day .

Chattastrophe!

I'd like three children, and would like to leave a few years between them. I'm 28 now with my first on the way - who knows, maybe I'll decide to leave it at one after this! Anyways for financial reasons we'll have to leave it 4-5 years before going again, as we couldn't afford two in creche at the same time.

How Strange

I always wanted 2 and we've been blessed to have 2 beautiful healthy children.

seosamh1980

Moonbeam wrote: »

We never had much money so I did not do any better at christmas and birthdays.

I don't really mean in terms of money or presents, just that I got showered with love and well wishes because I was the only child in the whole family, so even if I only got a new fancy pencil from an aunt or uncle I still got a lot of presents because I was the only one to give them to, and got loads of cuddles, cards, etc

Moonbeam

I know what you mean.
We have 3 and they are the only grandkids in both families and also have 2 uncles and an auntie and a great granny who are amazing with them.
I am an only child but have 60 1st cousins:)
They are spoilt with time and energy.

seosamh1980

Moonbeam wrote: »

I know what you mean.
We have 3 and they are the only grandkids in both families and also have 2 uncles and an auntie and a great granny who are amazing with them.
I am an only child but have 60 1st cousins:)
They are spoilt with time and energy.

Yeah, there's always someone who isn't bored of you yet

loubian

I always wanted more than 2. Both my parents have 5 siblings, but each sibling only has two kids. Still a big family though. I have a two month old now who wasn't planned. I'm not with her father and if I ever get married I will want to have two with my husband to be so I could end up with three. As I said I've a two month old, but I'm finding I'm getting broody :P I love kids n my parents love their granddaughter so can't wait to have more.

gabsdot40

When we got married 19 years ago we said we'd start straight away and have 6 kids. Things didn't go to plan though and we now have 2 adopted children a boy and a girl aged 9 and 6.
I actually can't imagine having any more than my 2. I doubt I could cope with it. I'm definitely done with the baby stage. If you handed me a new born baby right now and said there you go, it's yours I'd probably give it back, which is so weird after all the years I spent longing to have a baby.
I'm not the kind of mother I thought I would be, maybe because I was older starting and have less energy. I'm definitely not cut out to be a mother of 6.

ash23

I always thought I'd have 2 or 3. Then had one when I was 20 and the older she gets the less inclined I would be to go back to the baby stages. Plus I'm single at the moment and have no intention of becoming a single parent again by choice so it's ruled out for now.

I still always thought I'd have another two if I met someone and got married but as I now have health problems to factor in I'm not sure what I would want in the future.

So I've 10+ years of babymaking left (all being well) so I've loads of time to see what happens. And if nothing happens at all, that's ok too.

Frank Black

Two at the most. Ideally one of each - which is what we ended up with.
Any more and they would have started to outnumber us.
Much as I love them, if the OH told me she was pregnant again, I'd tell her how wonderful that was, excuse myself for a moment and go to the shed and cry.

m'lady

Have one girl, she's 12 nearly 13, I love having one and it's great that I have so much time for her (too much sometimes).

I thank my lucky stars I didn't have a baby with the ex, however I am in a relatively new relationship and I think maybe if it worked out which I think it will then yes I'd like another with him I think! But then I think my girl will be a teenager and I'd be starting again... Would I be MAD?! Then again I'm only 33... Ah I don't know!

ShaShaBear

OH and I want at least three, maybe even four!
Currently TTC the first (and possibly already pregnant ) so I suppose it might all change when I have to push it out! :rolleyes:

Digs

ShaShaBear wrote: »

OH and I want at least three, maybe even four!
Currently TTC the first (and possibly already pregnant ) so I suppose it might all change when I have to push it out! :rolleyes:

I just had my first baby in April, not long after pushing I was broody again!

She's also six months old now and we would love another, but I'm just qualified and need to put some time in with a new job! The plan is 3. I'm 28 so would "ideally" like to be done by 32 but life rarely goes to plan have zero preference for girls or boys!

A friend of mine always wanted 2 but literally is obsessed with having a girl, she's just had her second boy around the time I had my girl (which was awkward) and is planning on going again in the New Year for the girl.....dangerous game!

Ps good luck with ttc!

aknitter

We started young & had our 1st unexpectedly!! So we have 15 years, 2 & 1/2 & 4 months. Yes it was like going back to the start and being older (30 as opposed to 17) has a definite bearing - both positive and negative.

We always wanted 3 min - OH does not get on with his sister and I have 3 siblings and while we fall out its never for long, so we wanted a peacemaker! Personally I'd like another one but could not do another pregnancy so we're looking at permanent contraceptive measures!

foxy06

Wanted none. Now have 5. May as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. Wonderful now though...when they are in bed!

nikpmup

When I got married at 28, we started trying straight away. We wanted at least two, and if any more came our way that'd be fine too. Of course, life doesn't always go that way. We were diagnosed with infertility, went through the merry-go-round that is IVF without any success. Then, nearly four years ago, my husband passed away suddenly. A widow in my mid-thirties, I really didn't think I'd ever have children. I pretty much resigned myself to the thought that it wasn't to be. However, a year and a half ago, I met my partner. I'm looking at our nine day old son as I type
We hope to have at least one more; age is a factor - I'm nearly 38 so we'll need to get cracking soon. If a third happens, it'd be beyond amazing but I think two will probably be it.

Mooby

I have two, a girl and a boy, always thought I would have more but it just didn't happen.

foxy06

nikpmup wrote: »

When I got married at 28, we started trying straight away. We wanted at least two, and if any more came our way that'd be fine too. Of course, life doesn't always go that way. We were diagnosed with infertility, went through the merry-go-round that is IVF without any success. Then, nearly four years ago, my husband passed away suddenly. A widow in my mid-thirties, I really didn't think I'd ever have children. I pretty much resigned myself to the thought that it wasn't to be. However, a year and a half ago, I met my partner. I'm looking at our nine day old son as I type
We hope to have at least one more; age is a factor - I'm nearly 38 so we'll need to get cracking soon. If a third happens, it'd be beyond amazing but I think two will probably be it.

Not sure what to say to that but wish you every happiness

foxy06

nikpmup wrote: »

When I got married at 28, we started trying straight away. We wanted at least two, and if any more came our way that'd be fine too. Of course, life doesn't always go that way. We were diagnosed with infertility, went through the merry-go-round that is IVF without any success. Then, nearly four years ago, my husband passed away suddenly. A widow in my mid-thirties, I really didn't think I'd ever have children. I pretty much resigned myself to the thought that it wasn't to be. However, a year and a half ago, I met my partner. I'm looking at our nine day old son as I type
We hope to have at least one more; age is a factor - I'm nearly 38 so we'll need to get cracking soon. If a third happens, it'd be beyond amazing but I think two will probably be it.

Not sure what to say to that but wish you every happiness

lukesmom

Never wanted any but I now have three

Xidu

Always wanted 2 kids and one of each. And that's what we have now. We are just so lucky! :-)

Tombo2001

Siblings were very important to me growing up; my folks argued a lot and I think that meant that we relied on each other for company more as a result; particularly in our teenage years.

A second thing for me was the my brother died when I was a young adult. Which amongst other things, taught me that brothers and sisters mightnt necessarily be around when you get older. People can emigrate, or as in our case, they can pass away young.

A third thing for me is that like most new Irish parents, or many of them, we are starting our family quite late.....mid-30s. My grandmother had my mother when she was 22; by the time my grandmother died my mother was herself already an old woman. My point being, that my mother had my grandmother to fall back on for support for most of her life. That wont be the case for my kids as we started our family later. Therefore I am mindful that our kids will have a support network when we are dead and gone.

So those two things for me meant that it did focus my mind on how many kids I wanted, I wanted three kids, quite close in age.

SurferRosa

When I was younger I always wanted 5 kids. There's 9 years between my sister and I, and I always wanted more siblings. Therefore I always said if I ever have one child, I'd have another soon after.
I was eternally single though as a youngster and was giving up hope of ever finding love - never mind starting a family. Then at 24 I met my now husband, and was pregnant just over a year later. It all happened so fast. We had to learn a lot, and I suffered with post natal depression after my son was born. It put a bit of a strain on our relationship, but my husband was great and helped me through my issues before I got too bad.
Despite finding it tough, I asked if we could try for another when my son was 18 months old. I got pregnant straight away, and had another son. This time I knew what I was doing and bonded much better with son number 2.
After a year, I was getting broody again, it's so annoying as it defies logic. We don't have that much money, I'm always stressed, and struggling with anxiety issues, but still I longed for another, my husband wanted to wait ,but when son number two was 14 months, I got pregnant again ( one act of carelessness was all it took!)had a girl, and now I feel we're barely keeping our heads above water. I love my kids dearly and wouldn't change them, but the stress has not helped my anxiety, so I had to start seeing a therapist this year.
After 3 c sections, and breastfeeding over three years in total, I feel worn out, and think we're done now at 3.
That said, I'm relatively young at 31, and I'm afraid ill change my mind. My husband I'm sure wouldn't want another, but he's very laid back, so I'm afraid I might get broody again in the next few years, and he would be easy enough to persuade.In the meantime I'm focusing on my own issues, so that I can be a better mother to the ones I have.

I carried a watermelon

Honestly, if I could afford it, I would have a baby every year. I love being a mother. I have 3 girls aged 7, 3 & 1.5 years. I'm only 31 so who knows what the future holds.

Daisy M

Deleted User wrote: »

The girls and I decided on 4. They want two each. I am 34 and they are 32 and 26. Currently we have one child (3) with one on the way (just past the 14ish week mark now, yay). So I guess I am heading towards old age but the youngest has 8 years on me so not too late for her yet.

I can not imagine having more than 4 though. I think it would be overwhelming. I have no end of respect for those who have 6, 8 or even more and manage to do so without any noticable loss of sanity or health. I fully intend to get anything and everything snipped and/or tied in a not with relation to having no more after 4.

I'm very curious are you in a relationship with two ladies, how is that working?




I always thought four or five, we now have three and will not be having anymore. Financially we would have been very very stretched with anymore.

LegacyUser

I don't have children myself as I was never in a strong relationship to have children in.
I also saw one of my friends have a baby at 21 with a man who had more interest in the pub/drink than in her and the baby.

One of my friends always wanted a family but had problems in getting and staying pregnant.
She had one ivf treatment which worked and now has a 2 year old child who was very much wanted.
Some one I know recently had her 3rd boy and a number of people said to her you must be sorry you did not have a girl. She told me well if I go again I could have another boy and I need to consider the cost of raising the children I already have.

I was chatting to a friend of mine reccently about having children. She said that it has got expensive to raise a family and with the cost of sending them to college you need to consider this before having children.
I would also agree with Digs here that going for a girl/boy because you already have 1 or 2 of the same is dangerous game!
I have seen woman push there husbands/partners into having another child and they have ended relationships due to this.

MurdyWurdy

We both say we want 2 kids, preferably one of each. We have a 4 month old son and don't plan another one until he's about 2/3 but who knows what will happen?!

I have a funny feeling we'll have another boy, now that I have him it's just a feeling I have in my bones - That I'm destined to be the mother of sons! I also have a funny feeling that my husband will want a third when it comes to it he's far broodier than me!

lukesmom

I had my first at 21 and was not prepared. I didn't even have a bag packed for hospital. Then at 29 I got pregnant with my second and I just had another last year so that makes three . Three is the magic number for us and we are leaving it at that. I'm 33 now almost 34 and I've had enough babies invade my womb and live rent free there.

Ms2011

MurdyWurdy wrote: »

We both say we want 2 kids, preferably one of each. We have a 4 month old son and don't plan another one until he's about 2/3 but who knows what will happen?!

I have a funny feeling we'll have another boy, now that I have him it's just a feeling I have in my bones - That I'm destined to be the mother of sons! I also have a funny feeling that my husband will want a third when it comes to it he's far broodier than me!

I'm the exact same, we're gonna start trying for our second next year. All going well there'll be 3 years between our son & our next which I have a feeling will be a boy, I just can't picture myself with a girl.
That will be it then, two's company three's a crowd for us lol!!!

Suucee

Ms2011 wrote: »

I'm the exact same, we're gonna start trying for our second next year. All going well there'll be 3 years between our son & our next which I have a feeling will be a boy, I just can't picture myself with a girl.
That will be it then, two's company three's a crowd for us lol!!!

I got a shock last week when i found out no 2 is a boy was convinced we were having another girl im delighted but god i duno what to do with a boy . I suppose by march ill have got used to it. Boys clothes or sooo cute though. At least now i can look at both.

Moonbeam

I never pictured myself with girls,I have 2 and 1 boy and another on the way who I secretly hope is another boy:)

Sligo1

I wanted my first to be a girl (wouldve been happy either way as long as baby was healthy)... But just reeeeally wanted a girl. However, When I found out in scan I was having a boy I was delighted. Now I can't imagine having anything but boys! Our little fella is such a cute little guy that I'd be happy with a hundred of him! I'm pregnant now with a girl on the way. I'd like to have 4 and initially OH was in agreed... But now hes trying to talk me into just the 3 (if we are fortunate to have more). I'd say that's more because I'm a handful when I'm pregnant! Lol. I hate being pregnant... But I'd go time and time again as the result is so worth it!

MurdyWurdy

Moonbeam wrote: »

I never pictured myself with girls,I have 2 and 1 boy and another on the way who I secretly hope is another boy:)

Congrats

DK man

Two girlies 7 & 4. Would have liked more but my view was not shared by my wife. She is 41.5 so I more or less have given up and now.
Love my 2 so much but always wanted a son - I feel that as the girls get older I may have less in common with them whereas with a boy I would grow closer to!

Howard Juneau

We wanted 3, started trying & had no luck. Had to go down the ivf route. 6 failed attempts, then on the 7th we had a daughter.
We won't try for another, it's been a long struggle to have one & truth be told, we're more than happy with our little bundle

Daisy M

Daisy M wrote: »

I'm very curious are you in a relationship with two ladies, how is that working?

Quite well. So far. We are around the 10 year mark.

What a second baby will do to the whole situation is anyone's guess. But I am rooting for a son this time. Because right now the ratio is 3:1 against me and I could use some back up!

nikpmup

Howard Juneau wrote: »

We wanted 3, started trying & had no luck. Had to go down the ivf route. 6 failed attempts, then on the 7th we had a daughter.
We won't try for another, it's been a long struggle to have one & truth be told, we're more than happy with our little bundle

Congratulations, IVF is a tough route x

Ms2011

DK man wrote: »

Love my 2 so much but always wanted a son - I feel that as the girls get older I may have less in common with them whereas with a boy I would grow closer to!

Speaking as a big daddies girl I wouldn't be so sure, I ring my Dad far more than my Mam we've always been v.close & hold the same interests even more than my Dad & my brother.

Digs

Ms2011 wrote: »

Speaking as a big daddies girl I wouldn't be so sure, I ring my Dad far more than my Mam we've always been v.close & hold the same interests even more than my Dad & my brother.

I agree with this! We drifted a bit when I was in my teens and I thought I knew everything but now we are best buds, he rings me a couple of times a week on his lunch and I love those chats.

My Mum and I get on great too but myself and my Dad have a great time ganging up on her (in the nicest way possible ) Major soft spot for my Dad.