Sexual tension between straight guys

LegacyUser

Can anyone describe on me what this behaviour would typically be?

I have a male friend who I really enjoy spending time with and I suspect he has more feelings for me, but I dont know how to tell. He is seeing a girl currently, but I think something else is going on re. His feelings for me.

Dr. Shrike

Are you straight?

He could just have "bromantic" feelings for you.

I can't believe there's such an extensive Wikipedia article on the subject.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bromance

Rick_

Remember, just because you think there's more to it doesn't mean there actually is. It could all be in your head and you're over-thinking it.

You mention you are both straight, so stop worrying, it's probably nothing and he just really likes you as a friend. If he does say or do something, just tell him you're flattered but not interested, have a laugh about it and move on. It's not worth losing a friend over.

LegacyUser

I am straight yes. But the force is strong with this one. I would say its just bromance, but one night i was visiting with him and the whole time his breathing was fast and shallow, and he did not just do some exercise. I have often experience some "tension" in the air around him but i am not quite sure what it is. Then the last time we were drinking a bit and and it was bizarre, we were kinda around each other the whole time, as if we stopped short from embracing each other. Then he also asked my to listen to the song "Behind blue eyes" by Limp Bizkit saying that he often listens to it when he is depressed. I don't know what it all means!

azezil

Have you considered maybe you're projecting your own feelings onto him?

Rick_

Have you listened to the song and have you read the lyrics or know any of the history of the song?

Essentially it was written for Pete Townshend (from The Who)'s rock opera 'Lifehouse' (which never came to be). The character of Jumbo in Lifehouse was to have 'Behind Blue Eyes' as his theme song as it described how sad he felt about the temptation around him and always having to hide the pressure he was under.

Without reading too much into it all and making 93 out of a simple 2+2 sum, maybe your friend is in some way trying to relate how he feels to you in some weird way in asking for help, or hinting that he wants/needs help. He may not be gay or have any interest in that way, but maybe something else is troubling him, he has admitted he gets depressed, and maybe he thinks that you, his friend, is the best person to help him, he just doesn't know how to ask or broach the subject. Doing so when he has drink on him is a sign too as true or hidden feelings are usually shown when alcohol is in your system.

Why not just ask him when he is sober one day when you are alone if he is OK and if he would like to chat about anything as you are concerned he has said things about being depressed etc. Be a friend and support him whatever he tells you. If it was me in your position I would certainly think he was trying to tell me something or hint at something and was probably waiting to get me to ask before saying.

ongarboy

I can't help agreeing with Azezil's question too. The "clues" you have so far given do not suggest that he has sexual feelings or tension. Your friend may be a deep person who "feels" or expresses things more acutely than your average person. There does not need to be a sexual element to it unless you are trying to find one.

Out of interest, how would you truthfully feel if he did embrace you or acted upon any sexual tension with you. Would you be abhorred by it or would it stir some curiosity in you?

Dr. Shrike

I'm also very curious as to what your feelings about this are. Are you worried he has feelings for you that you that you won't be able to reciprocate, or do you have feelings for him that you hope he'll reciprocate on?

What did you make of this thread? http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057034035

If you wanted to gather more "data", perhaps you could engage him in some sort of one-on-one activity, that requires some physical contact, while alone with him? A sport or martial art etc. that would allow you to see how he reacts when you are both physically close.

Cody Pomeray

I've had sexual tension with a lesbian. In fairness we were about 17 and neither one was out. So I don't doubt that it can arise for some unknown reason between straight people. Maybe it's something else that's going on in his life and he's not confused sexually, just in need of some emotional support.

Try talking to him about any problems he's having and you might find there's some non sexual root to it.