Tell us your family secret

kylith

Rocket19 wrote: »

Without the modern medicine and healthcare we have today, cases of miscarriage and stillbirth were very prevalent, and there is said to have been an 'epidemic' of Cillíní burials.
It's incredible that people were forced to endure that sort of trauma and heartlessness, just because of some bullsh*t religious ideals!

My grandmother was one of the lucky ones in that the nurses managed to get a priest in quick enough to baptise her newborn son before he died. She was so heartbroken over it, even more than 60 years later, that I don't doubt that seeing him buried in unconsecrated ground would have broken her.

That grandmother's father was a stable boy for some relatives of the Butlers of Ormond and wound up eloping with the daughter of the house. They got married in the cathedral using the key to the doors of the church in place of a wedding ring. They had several children before she died and my great grandfather then married the nanny he had employed to look after his children, they had several more children including my grandmother. Unfortunately none of his sons had any sons which survived childhood and so that line of the family is now gone.

seenitall

kylith wrote: »

My grandmother was one of the lucky ones in that the nurses managed to get a priest in quick enough to baptise her newborn son before he died. She was so heartbroken over it, even more than 60 years later, that I don't doubt that seeing him buried in unconsecrated ground would have broken her.

That grandmother's father was a stable boy for some relatives of the Butlers of Ormond and wound up eloping with the daughter of the house. They got married in the cathedral using the key to the doors of the church in place of a wedding ring. They had several children before she died and my great grandfather then married the nanny he had employed to look after his children, they had several more children including my grandmother. Unfortunately none of his sons had any sons which survived childhood and so that line of the family is now gone.

Was your great grandfather's name Mr. Rochester? And was your great grandmother's name Jane, by any chance?

kylith

seenitall wrote: »

Was your great grandfather's name Mr. Rochester? And was your great grandmother's name Jane, by any chance?

Unfortunately not.

Should ask my aunts more about it, it'd be a wonderful romance novel.

seenitall

kylith wrote: »

Unfortunately not.

Should ask my aunts more about it, it'd be a wonderful romance novel.

Yes, yes it would.

OrionA

My grandfathers brother is "an in the closet" gay man. Hes nearly 80 years old but grew up in a time when it wasnt ok to be a gay man and because of this has always hidden it. But its not just a secret outside the family but from all the grand children too, and we're not allowed to let onto him we know even though we all do! The only reason my mams parents/siblings know is because of an indiscretion of his. We sort of found out after a family do (I was still quite young maybe early teens) when my grandfather had a little too much of the black stuff and after an argument told my grand uncle to "go home and put a pair on knickers on ya big fairy". Also not sure that I ever truly believed that the man hes lived with for the past 35+ years is just his roomate lol

Agueroooo

Thread of the year for me!!

canadianwoman

kylith wrote: »

Unfortunately not.

Should ask my aunts more about it, it'd be a wonderful romance novel.

It's been done.

Of course I certainly would not mind reading another.

Rho b

Agueroooo wrote: »

Thread of the year for me!!

It is a really good thread - hope everyone votes for it.
I am enjoying reading other peoples family secrets. Like most posters/people reading this I thought that my family was the only one that had hush hush stories.
So many things were taboo years ago but thankfully as the big wheel turns it is no longer the case.

manonboard

One of my ancestors within the last 4 generations was black. My now dead but well loved grandfather was a bit of a racist so this was never discussed.

I had made many jokes about it growing up as we share very similar bone structure, facial features, easily pigmented skin, and anatomical features that I thought it likely.

Recently, I found out through a relative looking into our family that it is through. 4th generation man made a baby with a white lady.

I look exactly like a white mo fara. Identical face structure in every aspect other than skin tone.

canadianwoman

I would not know where to begin with my family secret.

wandatowell

MonstaMash wrote: »

His twin brother went back to Sicily just before the outbreak of WWI & lived to a ripe old age.

May I ask did the brother's ever meet again?

MonstaMash

wandatowell wrote: »

May I ask did the brother's ever meet again?

They didn't as my grandfather died without ever returning to Sicily

I however reached out in the early 80's & travelled to Sicily to meet my extended family including my grandfathers brother Luca, who died at the age of 103.

We now have 2 clans...one in Agrigento & 'filiale Irlandese della famiglia'

wandatowell

This isnt much of a story but my grandmother (who is 80 next week) has a twin brother. The family were very poor at the time when the twins were born so they gave my grandmother up for adoption.

The whole family knew of this but what they didn't know is that my grandmother asked my mother 2 years ago to track down her twin brother for her and it turned out that they have spent the last 79 years living a 30 minute drive away from one another.

My gran doesn't want to meet him for whatever reason and its such a shame.

wandatowell

MonstaMash wrote: »

They didn't as my grandfather died without ever returning to Sicily

I however reached out in the early 80's & travelled to Sicily to meet my extended family including my grandfathers brother Luca, who died at the age of 103.

We now have 2 clans...one in Agrigento & 'filiale Irlandese della famiglia'

Ah thanks for that. That's very sad that they never met again. But hey at least you made contact with the family.

Sleepy

Given the amount of incest and child abuse that happened in this country in the past, I have to say it's something of a relief that people have chosen to leave those family stories out of the thread. I think most of us would be aware of an instance or two of it in our extended family or family history and while history shouldn't be forgotten, it's inclusion in a thread like this would bound to be depressing as hell due to it's horrifying prevalence in our nation's past.

A few of the skeletons in my own family's closet:

I discovered I had an uncle I'd never met when I was about 9. He'd done some time for petty theft as a young fella after his parents had orphaned himself and my father at 14 and 12 respectively. He arrived up to the house on a 50's bike and side-car and has been my favourite uncle ever since. The night before my wedding we were drinking whiskey til the small hours and despite not being a well off man, he gave us what I considered the best wedding present we received: a mantelpiece clock my grandfather had been presented on his wedding day by the Kilkenny Men's Association.

That same grandad was heavily involved in the War of Independence and Civil War, carried a famous pistol during the former (the family suspicion is that he was a member of one of Collins' hit squads) received treatment for a number of gunshot wounds. Having been so young when his father died my Dad's only found out most of this since starting to research him in his forties.

My mothers mother married her father's apprentice (a shoemaker) who'd run away from home (thought to be somewhere around Boolavogue due to his fondness for the song) but while we can take her side of the family back another 3/4 generations, nothing is known of his. Her mother had been arrested along with other housewives in the area for hiding IRB arms but were subsequently released by the local Constabulary who thought it too ungentlemanly to physically restrain a group of women who were trashing the station they were held in.

My aunt eloped with a Jamaican in 50's Ireland and while my Grandfather was, to his credit, not a rascist man, he couldn't get past the fact the man was Protestant. All my grandparents had died before I was born but I like to think if he'd lived long enough he'd have come to like his son-in-law. He was a great man who took amazing care of his wife when her health started to fail and died last year having lived a widower in his native Jamaica since she passed away. It's quite a regret of mine that I never got to take him up on his offer to show me what that country is "really like, outside of the resorts" because I can't imagine many of the places he'd intended to show me would be safe for a pasty Irishman without a local guide.

retalivity

the cillin up my way was nowhere near a graveyard...instead people had to take their unbaptised babies to an offshore island and bury them there. they had a ceremony a few years ago where they erected a cross on the island to comemorate them and had a priest there to bless it...cheeky b*stard

I dont know how true this is, but i was told in my teens that my grandfather toured france during WW2, not to fight but instead went round the country playing the trumpet in a band. No idea if it was before the nazis arrived or after, or if he was entertaining the french or the germans. He died a few year ago and never got the chance to ask him.

Something I must look into further

midlandsmissus

In my Mam's family there are three sisters. The eldest sister has six children, and the others all have 2-3. All of us cousins would be quite close. I found out 2 years ago, when they both started seeking each other, that my eldest aunt has one more child: a baby she was forced to give up for adoption because she wasnt married at tge time. I found it so sad, because she then married him and had the other six children with him. I know she met up with the oldest daughter, and they both decided it was too hard- that they were like strangers. It is the family secret because she has decided not to tell her other children about her, but all of us other cousins know, thats a big 1! I find it very weird looking at my cousin thinking 'I know you have a sister but you don't.'But it is not my placeto tell them.

Galwayguy35

There is a big age difference between me and my 1st cousins because my uncles and aunts married young and my father was in his 50s when he married.

Anyway a few years ago this woman in her early 50s turned up at our house and told us she was our cousin.


My uncle had an affair while his first wife was ill (she died some time after) and the woman he was having the affair with became pregnant and the baby was given up for adoption.

When his wife died he married the woman he was having the affair with and they spent the rest of their lives together until his death.

The truth only came out when my cousin was told by her adoptive parents that she wasn't their biological child and she traced her real parents (my uncle and his second wife).

Sadly my uncle was already dead before she got to meet him but she came over here and got to meet all of us.

weemcd

My Da used to smoke :eek:

MomijiHime

My great great great (etc.) grandmother fought in the 1798 Irish rebellion.

KKkitty

KKkitty wrote: »

Have a half brother out there somewhere that I've never met.

i have too!!

i wonder if he is the same guy...........

seosamh1980

I have a half sibling, found out about them when they were 13, I was about 19, conceived when my father cheated on my mother. It's not as exciting as it sounds, trust me, half siblings can be dull or horrible too!

Lola18

My great grandmother never told my grandad who his father was. He spent years trying to find out but never did all he was told was that they'd be in big trouble if anyone found out. Which led everyone to believe it was either a priest or married man!
My uncle once wrote my great grandmother a letter asking her about it thinking it maybe easier for her then speaking face to face, she asked him to come see her and after letting him into her house picked up the phone to call the gaurds.....so it still remains a secret

Lenmeister

That sounds rough, makes you wonder who it is if they're so afraid to tell...

yoloc

If i told you, id have to kill you

Itwasntme.

My family has so many secrets although I guess they are not so much secrets as scandals that everyone knows but no one talks about because we are the masters of 'pretend it didn't happen':

1. I found out not too long ago that my dad's first name isn't/wasn't his real name. He legally (or maybe not) took his older brother's name when the latter died in a car accident while my dad was doing his A' levels. My dad and his brother were incredibly close and I guess my dad wanted to keep a part of him alive. Weird. All of this happened before I was born and my aging aunt carelessly mentioned it to me one evening while we were chatting about my late uncle;

2. I have a half brother I have never met. My dad met his mom when he was still a rebel fighting in the jungle. She was a fellow soldier. According to this same aunt, my dad gave him one name but his mom gave him another and moved to no one knows where. Of course, we can't trace him now because we wouldn't know where to start. Not that anyone ever bothered. We just pretend he doesn't exist;

3. In the olden days, men were allowed to literally carry the girl they liked to their homes (with the permission of the men in her family, irrespective of whether the girl wanted him or not) and after a small ceremony, she would be considered your wife. This was in the ooooold oooold days. My dad did it to my mom. It wasn't the old days. It was the mid-80s. He told his cousins and some of hers about the plot and one day, when she was coming home from college, he picked her up, drove her to his home and forced her to 'marry' him. She still hates his guts to this day.

Galwayguy35

A cousin of mine was murdered about 15 years ago, they never got who did it but everyone in the family thinks it was her husband because she was looking for a divorce and he came into money around the same time.

KKkitty

My half brother was born in the early 70's. My mam was 19 when she had him and god fearing catholic family members of hers forced her to give him up for adoption. My mam told me that while she was in labour a nun in the home she went to slapped her in the face and told her that's what you get for your sins. My mam died without being reunited with her first born. Wish that didn't happen.

Itwasntme.

KKkitty wrote: »

My half brother was born in the early 70's. My mam was 19 when she had him and god fearing catholic family members of hers forced her to give him up for adoption. My mam told me that while she was in labour a nun in the home she went to slapped her in the face and told her that's what you get for your sins. My mam died without being reunited with her first born. Wish that didn't happen.

iliketomoveit

My grandfather stabbed his wife's father (my great grandfather) with a kitchen knife in a drunken rage.

His brothers and sisters bailed him out of prison, and he essentially got away with it, as my grandmother was given the choice by the judge whether to send him to prison or not. (She chose not to, as she didn't want the children's father to be a jailbird, as she put it). He was ordered to stay off the drink for five years and I think he got a very small amount of prison time, but that was it.

His son then ran away to America once he was 18, and his other son (my father) was left to pay off a 27,000 pound debt his father had racked up, once he died.

My father then got cancer and died, which was probably related to the stress of living with a violent alcoholic and, in his early 20s having the banks on his back to come up with the money.