Closed doors

Daisy78

Afternoon ladies,

I've been giving some thought recently about the concept of closed doors....lost opportunities, missed chances, plans which havent worked out, regrets...

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens;but we often look so long
at the closed door we do not see the one which has been opened for us"

Helen Keller

Recent changes in my workplace promised some much wanted opportunities/promotions but a recent change in thinking at managerial level means that these opportunities are no longer available. This has lead me to think about which direction I want to take in my career as it would seem the qualifications I have now appear to be obsolete in relation to any future career I might decide to pursue even if I stay put. But anyway back to the topic of the thread, I'm sure plenty of you have experienced this in your own lives. Have you any inspiring stories of how something you had long wished/ planned for didn't, t come to pass but resulted in something far better in the long term. Have you ever looked back at a time in your life and thought "I'm so glad xyzzy didn't work out as I never be where I am now." This could be in relation to career, friendship, family, relationships, anything significant really.


I've experienced a few "cul de sac" moments in my life and I sometimes wonder how they have benefitted me and were my efforts completely futile. But I guess they are what make you "you" as we'll as the posotive, successful moments in you life too.

Sauve

I thank my lucky stars that I couldn't get into a college course I really really wanted.
I'd now likely be jobless, and about 50 grand in debt from college.

Pythia

My company laid off about a thousand people in 2011. I liked my job fine and wouldn't have left otherwise. But I got a much better job from it which I never would have applied for if I hadn't been in that position. I love my new job, it's far better than my last job in every way and I'm so glad all the cr@p happened in my previous one to bring me to where I am now!

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

CathyMoran

Was very ill a few years ago but as a result I had my children later than I had always wanted to - am glad that I have them and they did not see their mummy really ill.

mariaalice

I thank my lucky stars one particular relationship ended ( at the time I did not think that ) because if it hadn't I would not have met and married my husband and I might be still in a messy going no were situation.

IvyTheTerrible

I didn't get the result I wanted in a my degree, which meant I had to take a different direction to get my postgrad. If I hadn't I would never have met my OH or had my son or be living where I'm living.

Emme

My life feels like a maze of closed doors, no, doors slammed shut in my face! :mad:

Thinking about it makes me so sad, I'd love to get some of the breaks others seem to take for granted. It's not from lack of trying or hard work. I guess some people are luckier than others. I have always treated others well and tried to do the decent thing. The only thing that makes it easier is thinking that I did something terrible in a previous life (maybe I was a serial cheater ) and I'm paying for it now by being single, childless and over 40.:(

The job situation isn't so good either (I suppose I'm lucky to have one) even though I gave up years of my life studying at night while working full time - despite my efforts it got me absolutely nowhere.

Well done to those who did find a window when a door closed for them. I can't even find a chink of light!

Neyite

I don't believe in regrets. I feel that every situation, no matter how bad, has taught me something, or led me to another opportunity.

Even a really bad relationship prompted me to work on my self esteem. Which in turn ensured that I made better choices when I returned dating. And subsequently ended up with a terrific person to spend the rest of my life with.

mariaalice

Maybe we don't always recognised how it works, it not always about the big things for example I was in the dentist waiting room and the dentist said could he see an emergence first and could I wait, so I did and started reading the mags which happened to not to be the usual trash but ones like the Economist I read a book review of a book that I would have never know about I got the book and it was brilliant and I read all the authors books because of it.

Things like that happen to me all the time in life and to every one else as well but some how other people often don't recognised that it has happened to them.

Serendipity is a big factor in most peoples lives.

IvyTheTerrible

mariaalice wrote: »

Maybe we don't always recognised how it works, it not always about the big things for example I was in the dentist waiting room and the dentist said could he see an emergence first and could I wait, so I did and started reading the mags which happened to not to be the usual trash but ones like the Economist I read a book review of a book that I would have never know about I got the book and it was brilliant and I read all the authors books because of it.

Things like that happen to me all the time in life and to every one else as well but some how other people often don't recognised that it has happened to them.

Serendipity is a big factor in most peoples lives.

You should read "Life after life" by Kate Atkinson, little decisions or impediments can change our life's course!

clairefontaine

If a door closes, sometimes you have to keep knocking.

Moonbeam

My current husband was supposed to rent a room from another friend but the room was not ready so he ended up renting from me. I did not really know him other then from a tech group we are members of.
We also did not plan the 1st child but so glad she came when she did:)

Pokiedots

When I was 21 I was meant to get married to the guy i thought was the love of my life, I was devastated when we broke up, and remained so for a long time, now I look back and am so relieved, he wasnt right for me but if we had gotten married I would still be living in the small town we grew up in and I wouldnt have achieved any of the things I am so proud of,
Thats not to say I didnt feel a pang of loss and regret when I heard recently he had gotten married, I never realised I was still holding on the slightest to him, despite my happiness now- go figure!

Neyite

Moonbeam wrote: »

My current husband was supposed to rent a room from another friend but the room was not ready so he ended up renting from me. I did not really know him other then from a tech group we are members of.
We also did not plan the 1st child but so glad she came when she did:)

heh.:D did you have many husbands before him? :pac:

beks101

Not sure about this open and closed door business, I think I'm more of a believer in swings and roundabouts. I think life is entirely random.

Not so much that "everything happens for a reason" - more that everything works out the way it works out in the end, no matter what the path is. I think there's several different paths available to each of us - we have a hand in choosing (being proactive, making big decisions) as much as we don't (uncontrollable life events, "closed doors" etc) - but ultimately, life is about showing up and making the best of the situation you find yourself in.

I made a random, under-thought-out decision to emigrate to Canada
"for a year" - three years later I'm still here, working in the best possible job I could've found in my field, armed with some wonderful new Irish and Canadian friends and about to return home to God-knows-what.

I could just have easily never considered leaving, worked in what was becoming an increasingly unsustainable job for a while longer, moved to another company, gained more experience, emigrated to London and learned a bit more about the world, stayed in Dublin, gone back to college, become more secure in my life and career than I am now.

Either way, I'm still me. I'm still the same Beks with the same values, the same beliefs about myself, the same sense of ambition, the same attitude towards the world. The same thirst for knowledge and love and friendship, the same personal struggles.

I think the most important understanding to have of the world and how your life will pan out is that 1. being brave and courageous in your decisions is the only way to live a life without regret; and 2. that bravery and courage means that you ARE gonna fail and you ARE gonna fall. Regularly. And sometimes spectacularly. Job rejections, romantic failures, loss of friendship, emotional breakdown, sickness, sadness, bankruptcy, whatever. It's all part of the process.

Once you realize that, life seems a little more inviting I think - those rejections can serve as learning curves, or as an awakening to ideas about yourself that you wouldn't otherwise discover. You can harness them to "walk through another door" as it were.

But ultimately, I don't really think it matters which door you walk through. It's still your life, you're still living and learning and you're still the only YOU that you will ever know.

Penny Dreadful

mariaalice wrote: »

I thank my lucky stars one particular relationship ended ( at the time I did not think that ) because if it hadn't I would not have met and married my husband and I might be still in a messy going no were situation.

Same as me. I'm so happy with my lovely husband now and I shudder to think of the alternative. Sometimes doing the hard things in life (i.e. breaking up a long term relationship) are worth enduring to get to the really good things in life (i.e. a mature, grown up, fun filled, loving relationship with someone who appreciates you and shares your dreams and ambitions).

Caonima

Neyite wrote: »

I don't believe in regrets. I feel that every situation, no matter how bad, has taught me something, or led me to another opportunity....

In a strange way, then, I think you DO believe in regrets. The act of loss gave you something in return. The regret of one thing brought you to another.

There shouldn't be a crime in regretting. How can we gauge the magnitude of regret. It's just a snapshot of the olde "what could have been".

I regret things, remind myself of them often, and they help put my present in perspective. Nothing wrong with that.

Neyite

Caonima wrote: »

In a strange way, then, I think you DO believe in regrets. The act of loss gave you something in return. The regret of one thing brought you to another.

There shouldn't be a crime in regretting. How can we gauge the magnitude of regret. It's just a snapshot of the olde "what could have been".

I regret things, remind myself of them often, and they help put my present in perspective. Nothing wrong with that.

No, I actually don't think I regret things at all. I don't consciously regret bad things in my life. I dont regret the abusive relationship, because it taught me what needs to be in a good one for instance. I dont regret the mistakes that I made when I was young and stupid because I learned from them. I may mourn the loss, if thats what you mean, of things that didn't happen as a result of my poor choice, but I don't think I regret in the true sense of the word. And if I start to feel like I regret, I try to focus on the positives of what that choice gave me instead.

clairefontaine

I have regrets, and 99% of them are due to not listening. Either not listening to my own instincts, or not listening to others. Willfull deafness. Some very different outcomes if I had listened. Very simple and avoidable errors.

mariaalice

I don't think about regrets because it is rarely as simple as that, for example I could regret my first marriage, but on the other had I have my two daughters because of it so I don't regret it.

ruaille buaille

Im a believer in everything happens for a reason. Sometimes when things dont work out my way I often look back on it years later and realise it was for the best. If anything its a positive way to look on things and keeps me happy!

pow wow

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Same as me. I'm so happy with my lovely husband now and I shudder to think of the alternative. Sometimes doing the hard things in life (i.e. breaking up a long term relationship) are worth enduring to get to the really good things in life (i.e. a mature, grown up, fun filled, loving relationship with someone who appreciates you and shares your dreams and ambitions).

Such an insightful post, I love it.

Jerrica

This is a much more superficial example than the ones given above buts it's on my mind a lot because it's still happening. Two weeks ago I fell over awkwardly on my right leg breaking both the tibia and fibula - I busted up the whole bottom of my leg from the knee down, and paramedics, radiographers and consultants were all in agreement that I'd done a pretty nasty job on it

That was Saturday. On Monday I had surgery to put a titanium pin down my leg. By Tuesday I was at home on a wheelchair. The following Saturday I got married.

After the surgery we had a big family meeting to decide whether or not we were going to go ahead with it - I wouldn't be able to hold my bouquet, I wouldn't be able to do a first dance, I wouldn't be able to wear the shoes I'd bought specially in New York and walking up the aisle was looking unlikely. But we decided we were ready for this, we wanted to husband and wife eachother as planned so we ploughed ahead.

The days between surgery and wedding were very low, I kept thinking about all the things I wouldn't be able to do, I was tired and struggling a lot. But the day before the big day we were back with the surgeon for a consult and he was happy with the setting of the pin and said I could walk on crutches for limited time if I felt up to it.

I spent the morning of the wedding sitting in a chair not being able to move much, and I arrived at the ceremony in my wheelchair. In the meantime I'd blinged up my crutches with sparkles and ivory ribbon with the help of some wonderful friends and I was able to slowly hobble up the aisle. Halfway up someone started to clap, and then everyone followed. By the time I reached my husband the room was full of cheering and clapping and I was a hot snotty mess of emotion. I'll never ever ever forget how amazing it was to make that walk, albeit in pain and on crutches, being surrounded by my favourite people.

We did have a first dance after all, but it was more like a static sway! oh and I made it out of the wheelchair for the song of the night too - "Titanium'

There's a part of me that wishes I had been able to enjoy the wedding as a normal bipedal healthy person, but the circumstances did make it that bit more special, and it's a hell of a story to tell the kids someday

traineeacc

^lovely post,I actually welled up thinking of you,congrats on the wedding

iwantmydinner

Amazing story Jerrica, and so well told! Totally welled up reading it too!

Emme

Congratulations on your wedding Jerrica. I wish you a successful recovery after the surgery.

Emme

I'm happy for Jerrica but her story failed to move me. She was going to get married anyway.

I've had so many doors closed in my face and so many disappointments that I'm numb and somewhat bitter. Is there a way back? I think some of us (like me) just have to plod along and tough it out through life with nothing to look forward to. An arduous journey towards death all the while battling with constant fatigue and growing cynicism. I've given up trying and asking "Why can't something good happen to me?" because it doesn't, no matter how hard I try. I'm feeling increasingly jealous and resentful towards other people which isn't nice.

Closed doors indeed. Right now it feels more like being on a never ending treadmill while surrounded by 30 metre high brick walls. If I fall off the treadmill I just have to get back on and run faster to catch up on the lost time. But I can never catch up so I keep running, running, running... And there's no joy and nothing to look forward to:mad:

loubeelou

Emme wrote: »

I'm happy for Jerrica but her story failed to move me. She was going to get married anyway.

I've had so many doors closed in my face and so many disappointments that I'm numb and somewhat bitter. Is there a way back? I think some of us (like me) just have to plod along and tough it out through life with nothing to look forward to. An arduous journey towards death all the while battling with constant fatigue and growing cynicism. I've given up trying and asking "Why can't something good happen to me?" because it doesn't, no matter how hard I try. I'm feeling increasingly jealous and resentful towards other people which isn't nice.

Closed doors indeed. Right now it feels more like being on a never ending treadmill while surrounded by 30 metre high brick walls. If I fall off the treadmill I just have to get back on and run faster to catch up on the lost time. But I can never catch up so I keep running, running, running... And there's no joy and nothing to look forward to:mad:

I really hope things start to go in your favour soon Emme. Hang in there!!

Sauve

Things will pick up Emme, don't ever resign yourself to "this is it". Change is always possible!

PM is open if you need it

clairefontaine

Emme wrote: »

I'm happy for Jerrica but her story failed to move me. She was going to get married anyway.

I've had so many doors closed in my face and so many disappointments that I'm numb and somewhat bitter. Is there a way back? I think some of us (like me) just have to plod along and tough it out through life with nothing to look forward to. An arduous journey towards death all the while battling with constant fatigue and growing cynicism. I've given up trying and asking "Why can't something good happen to me?" because it doesn't, no matter how hard I try. I'm feeling increasingly jealous and resentful towards other people which isn't nice.

Closed doors indeed. Right now it feels more like being on a never ending treadmill while surrounded by 30 metre high brick walls. If I fall off the treadmill I just have to get back on and run faster to catch up on the lost time. But I can never catch up so I keep running, running, running... And there's no joy and nothing to look forward to:mad:

I felt this way for a long time. I made a mistake in which there was a betrayal and it screwed my life up for a while. I felt stuck and unhappy and like there was no way out. It took a few years but I managed to redress and fix the mistake, (am still rebuilding) and because of that can let go of the betrayal, even though I feel I lost several years because of it, and everything seems a lot better. Sometimes you can't get the time back, just chalk it up to collateral damage.