Golfing Cliches

Kevinmarkham

I'm sure something similar has been done on here previously, but let's have your favourite (aka best/worst) golf cliches. I've listed my top 8 on my blog and am looking for others.

Please note, anyone who lists 'get in the hole', 'mashed potatoes', 'you d'man' or other moronic chants will be justifiably strung up.

Freemount09

You hit that so hard you'll have knocked the spots off the ball !

TRS30

Not so much a cliche........people talking to their golf ball. In all my years playing golf I have yet to hear one talk back or listen to what is being said to it!!

Mr. Larson

I am probably guilty of trotting out a few of these bad boys myself <embarrassed>

Good 2nd serve <thanks for pointing out that it was my mental weakness that caused the original bad shot>
It’s always easier the 2nd time < yeah, would you ever fcuk off>
Not your best... <no $hit!>
That’s your best today <(a) no it wasn’t and (b) I’ll be the judge of that>
Good pace <In other words my line was completely $hit, I can see that thanks>
It sounded good anyway <thanks that’s useful… I appreciate you not keeping an eye on it for me>
You struck it well it was just a bit offline <do I get extra points for that?>
Well out <What? I’m 30 feet away. You didn’t expect me to even get it out?>
Don’t talk to a moving ball
& related to that last one… “Well done… ooooh, Jeez I was sure that was going to drop”

FixdePitchmark

Mr. Larson wrote: »

I am probably guilty of trotting out a few of these bad boys myself <embarrassed>

Good 2nd serve <thanks for pointing out that it was my mental weakness that caused the original bad shot>
It’s always easier the 2nd time < yeah, would you ever fcuk off>
Not your best... <no $hit!>
That’s your best today <(a) no it wasn’t and (b) I’ll be the judge of that>
Good pace <In other words my line was completely $hit, I can see that thanks>
It sounded good anyway <thanks that’s useful… I appreciate you not keeping an eye on it for me>
You struck it well it was just a bit offline <do I get extra points for that?>
Well out <What? I’m 30 feet away. You didn’t expect me to even get it out?>
Don’t talk to a moving ball
& related to that last one… “Well done… ooooh, Jeez I was sure that was going to drop”

lol.

Thanks for sorting me out in Wicklow, but not sure I could play with you or say anything to you.

DeanAustin

Mr. Larson wrote: »

I am probably guilty of trotting out a few of these bad boys myself <embarrassed>

Good 2nd serve <thanks for pointing out that it was my mental weakness that caused the original bad shot>
It’s always easier the 2nd time < yeah, would you ever fcuk off>
Not your best... <no $hit!>
That’s your best today <(a) no it wasn’t and (b) I’ll be the judge of that>
Good pace <In other words my line was completely $hit, I can see that thanks>
It sounded good anyway <thanks that’s useful… I appreciate you not keeping an eye on it for me>
You struck it well it was just a bit offline <do I get extra points for that?>
Well out <What? I’m 30 feet away. You didn’t expect me to even get it out?>
Don’t talk to a moving ball
& related to that last one… “Well done… ooooh, Jeez I was sure that was going to drop”

Christ some of those are regulars in my golfing vocabulary. ****.

The one that makes me chuckle is "unlucky" when you miss the hole by inches...what was unlucky about it? The hole didn't f**kin move.

slave1

Parred it with my second ball :rolleyes:
Never hit it :rolleyes:

Dtoffee

Re male golfers talking to their ball ...... I've noticed that quite often when its a good shot, its get in the hole ya boy ya and always a male. However when its a missed putt .... it suddenly becomes female :eek: ya feckin bi**h or worst:P

A pet hate of mine is 'swing slow' ..... how slow is slow ?

slave1

BITE! - gone through

Mr. Larson

slave1 wrote: »

BITE! - gone through

"Go... go.. GOOO... now sit!"

mighty magpie

slave1 wrote: »

Parred it with my second ball :rolleyes:
Never hit it :rolleyes:

Guilty, also with the BITE one.

"Good Drive" After a putt goes miles by the hole
"Does your husband also play?" After a putt is left miles short
"Dead Sheep Syndrome" - still you (ewe), after another terrible putt goes by the hole and it's still your turn

slave1

Partner duffs his drive, plays a good second and gets to centre of fairway about 150 from the green, as he gets to the ball I love the cheeky "lovely drive" comment

denishurley

I don't know if this fully counts, but I'm sure you're all familiar with this situation:

Player lags a long putt to tap-in distance and walks up to finish out but, just before he does, he deliberately looks down and then looks over to where his playing partner is getting ready to putt from.

Almost always, the playing partner will say: "Don't worry about the line."

PARlance

Get doooooooowwnnnnnnnnnnn <it will.... once it has hit that tree that it is heading straight towards>

Come in <I haven't drawn a ball since the Texaco schools art competition, even then it was a bad attempt, it's not going to happen now

I regularly use these by the way

ForeRight

Any putt left short is always heading to the middle of the hole

ForeRight

Shouting "Be the Spanner" when you know you've hit a good one and its all about distance

Kevinmarkham

ForeRight wrote: »

Shouting "Be the Spanner" when you know you've hit a good one and its all about distance

Thanks for all the replies... but I have never heard "Be the Spanner" before. What does it mean?

ForeRight

Kevinmarkham wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies... but I have never heard "Be the Spanner" before. What does it mean?

Suppose it's like having the right size spanner for the right size nut in a mechanical sense.

I've heard it used and it was original to at the least.

yaboya1

If you hit them (the group in front), you can turn professional

FixdePitchmark

ForeRight wrote: »

Suppose it's like having the right size spanner for the right size nut in a mechanical sense.

I've heard it used and it was original to at the least.

So ?, im guessing be the right club. It is so oblique. It is kind of good or just odd.

Sure you could say , be the bus, be the one, be the number, be the key, be the any bloody thing.

Funny stuff here.

indabunka

Right postage, wrong address (when your pin high 30 yards right or left)

ForeRight

FixdePitchmark wrote: »

So ?, im guessing be the right club. It is so oblique. It is kind of good or just odd.

Sure you could say , be the bus, be the one, be the number, be the key, be the any bloody thing.

Funny stuff here.

It's not suppose to make sense I suppose.

Right postage wrong address is quality!

Ben1977

indabunka wrote: »

Right postage, wrong address (when your pin high 30 yards right or left)

Brilliant

PARlance

You probably hit that too well..... Any shot that goes past the green

Kevinmarkham

ajcurry123 wrote: »

You probably hit that too well..... Any shot that goes past the green

A mate was playing the Junior Scratch Cup, was level par (gross) on the par three 16th (at Greystones) and bursting with adrenaline. He hit his 9 iron 20 yards over the green (150 yards). The other guy could have said "You probably hit that too well"... instead he said: "You had too much adrenaline. You needed to go into the bushes and have a w*nk"

Not surprisingly, that one didn't make my cliche list.

derra

Good ball, ya must of left the tights at home....

Terrible, you wearing those tights again?

Tee it high and let it fly.

Noticing a few women golfers I said to playing partner...

''she looks alright in the red there'' and he says...

''would ya go away, she has a head like GUR''

Kace

'Grow hair' !!!!! One to blurt out when someone has just hit a putt that's looking as if it's going to go about 12 foot by.

'Centre mow' - my favourite place to be after a 'Tour Drive' ;-)

Benny Cake

22 handicap, par 5, 260 meters to the green? Ya, better wait until its clear...

slave1

"All my fu#@ing tee shots are going right!"

"Then aim left"

"No, they'll only end up going straight then"

GreeBo

After a duff chip or putting off the green "you'll be on with your next"

DeanAustin

slave1 wrote: »

"All my fu#@ing tee shots are going right!"

"Then aim left"

"No, they'll only end up going straight then"

I suffer with a massive hook so, naturally, try to compensate for it. Always raises a chuckle when my playing partners hear "Sh!t, I hit it straight".

Seve OB

Scorecards don't paint pictures

Drive for Show and Putt for Dough

Never up - Never In

A New earth

When you hit a putt a mile past the hole and someone says "you gave it a chance"

Gin77

Were hoing to be looking at his arse for the day! lefty

slave1

A New earth wrote: »

When you hit a putt a mile past the hole and someone says "you gave it a chance"

Element of truth there, never go in when you leave them short, know what you're saying though...

kieran.

"That's stitched" - when you leave an soaring approach shot dead, a couple of feet from the hole.

Gel21

Apart from the line and pace that was a great putt

Seve OB

where did that come from......they could of shouted fore!

slave1

"That's a Gary" (Barlow)
Take the gimme, "Take That"

LarMan

"too much weetabix" If a shot or putt goes long
"not enough weetabix" If a shot or putt comes up short

slave1

"It's fine" called by partner off the tee
"OOOhhhh" called by same partner in same breath
"That's f#@ked&quot; called by same partner again
"Reload" the final comment by same partner
Happened a few weeks back, wasn't me on the tee, cracked me up

charlieIRL

LarMan wrote: »

"too much weetabix" If a shot or putt goes long
"not enough weetabix" If a shot or putt comes up short

just realised i'm always saying this!!!:o

OilBeefHooked2

slave1 wrote: »

"It's fine" called by partner off the tee
"OOOhhhh" called by same partner in same breath
"That's f#@ked&quot; called by same partner again
"Reload" the final comment by same partner
Happened a few weeks back, wasn't me on the tee, cracked me up

Hope that wasn't in competition, because I'm fairly sure that's considered advice.

DuckSlice

david-k wrote: »

Hope that wasn't in competition, because I'm fairly sure that's considered advice.

here we go another thread turned into a rules debate.

Seve OB

slave1 wrote: »

"That's a Gary" (Barlow)
Take the gimme, "Take That"

if that's the way we are going....


A hitler - - - 2 shots in the bunker

a mexican - - - (when you leave a put ever so short) - - - one more revolution

a sister in law - - - up there and you know you shouldn't be

Felexicon

A Sonia O'Sullivan - An ugly runner down the middle

A Christopher Reeves - Looks good but no legs

PARlance

Felexicon wrote: »

A Sonia O'Sullivan - An ugly runner down the middle

I thought it was a long scuttery one that goes down the fairway - after Sonia's bowel troubles in Athens(?)

Felexicon

KFC - Dodgey chip

yaboya1

ajcurry123 wrote: »

I thought it was a long scuttery one that goes down the fairway - after Sonia's bowel troubles in Athens(?)

I thought it was so called because it doesn't look good but keeps on running?

cackhanded

"Nice lay-up" after you hit it fat and come up miles short on a par 3.

Keano

One that gets me is you chip it on the green and it's about 20 foot from the hole and someone will always says, good chip!