letting yourself go

forgetmenots

In long term relationships, do you think it's important to try your best to look good for the other person? Obviously you're not going to look great all the time, but I mean making an effort like you would have done at the start? How important are aesthetics in long term relationships?

seosamh1980

I try to look my best and make an effort for me anyway, but yeah I do think it's important to try for your partner too, if you've always been like that. If you've never been fussed about appearance and neither are they or they met you like that then that's fine, but if there's a difference between how you look straight out of bed and how you look when you feel you look your best then that is what you'll have started off with and I think it is important to keep that up. Day to day life can be so boring and we dress accordingly for work, lounging, minding kids, etc it's nice to make an effort and remember what it was like when you first met and had all the mystery

Tigger99

Hugely important to make the effort. I mightnt get a chance to do so every day but even when I'm going out of an evening with himself it's definitely a good idea. Feels like you are showing your appreciation for the other person by doing so, and they do the same for me.

jaja321

Yeah, I think its important to continue to try to take good care of yourself. Its attractive to care about how you look, as long as its not obsessive, and to care about your health. Obviously we can't be trying to look our best all of the time, but its important to try and not let ourselves go either. Effort is always appreciated.

forgetmenots

My partner is more relaxed than I am, and doesn't make much effort when its just me and him...lets just say 'keeping the mystery alive' isn't a concept he's much bothered with. He's a 'mans man' and isn't much into grooming etc. He also says he thinks I look great no matter what I do/wear, but at the same time he's the first to check out girls who are all glammed up...and you see he doesn't have to worry about me not looking good because its in my nature to always try my best. So I kind of think its just words. He would get dressed nicely to go out but then when he's with me he just lets it all hang out! That's fine except I sometimes have to remind him about personal hygiene! Its like should I be complimented that he feels comfortable around me, or insulted that he can't be bothered to make an effort? If it gets much worse I'm going to grow my armpit hair in protest - see how he likes that!

seosamh1980

Oh dear God having to remind my partner about personal hygiene would be a step too far, he's a grown up and I'm his girlfriend, he's not a child and I'm not his mother. Felt a bit sick reading that!

jaja321

forgetmenots wrote: »

My partner is more relaxed than I am, and doesn't make much effort when its just me and him...lets just say 'keeping the mystery alive' isn't a concept he's much bothered with. He's a 'mans man' and isn't much into grooming etc. He also says he thinks I look great no matter what I do/wear, but at the same time he's the first to check out girls who are all glammed up...and you see he doesn't have to worry about me not looking good because its in my nature to always try my best. So I kind of think its just words. He would get dressed nicely to go out but then when he's with me he just lets it all hang out! That's fine except I sometimes have to remind him about personal hygiene! Its like should I be complimented that he feels comfortable around me, or insulted that he can't be bothered to make an effort? If it gets much worse I'm going to grow my armpit hair in protest - see how he likes that!

'Forget' to shave your legs!

Das Kitty

I think it's one element to cultivating a healthy relationship, but I don't think it's the most important one.

After 14 years, we've both at times "let ourselves go" a bit and pulled it back at other times. We're human beings, it happens and it's not like it's not reversible (most things anyway).

But we put effort into communication, so if and when we are bothered by something like this, it comes up and is discussed. And if there is a reason for the seemng lack of care about appearance, that is discussed too.

pampootie

I have to say I don't really understand the idea of letting yourself go, in the context of a ltr or otherwise. For me, maintaining my appearance is something I do for myself and my own self confidence, not for anyone else. I kinda think letting yourself go is almost a sign of not really liking or respecting yourself. I don't mean if you're not dolled up to the nines all the time you hate yourself, but why wouldn't you want to look after yourself?

Malari

pampootie wrote: »

I have to say I don't really understand the idea of letting yourself go, in the context of a ltr or otherwise. For me, maintaining my appearance is something I do for myself and my own self confidence, not for anyone else. I kinda think letting yourself go is almost a sign of not really liking or respecting yourself. I don't mean if you're not dolled up to the nines all the time you hate yourself, but why wouldn't you want to look after yourself?

Totally agree! I have never "let myself go" in a relationship, single, if I know no-one else is going to see me for the entire day - I'll always maintain my appearance.

username123

Everybody has different standards of personal grooming. I'm not much of a glamour hammer, but I keep on top of hair dying, nice nails, eyebrow plucking, shaving etc..... I can't say the amount of personal grooming I do as changed as a result of a long term relationship but these days (due to mortgage,bills etc) I definitely have less disposable income with which to fritter away on fashion, accessories, cosmetics etc.

meeeeh

username123 wrote: »

Everybody has different standards of personal grooming. I'm not much of a glamour hammer, but I keep on top of hair dying, nice nails, eyebrow plucking, shaving etc..... I can't say the amount of personal grooming I do as changed as a result of a long term relationship but these days (due to mortgage,bills etc) I definitely have less disposable income with which to fritter away on fashion, accessories, cosmetics etc.

That. Plus if you have children, there is waaaay less time for any of it. Due to my partner working extreme hours, I haven't seen an inside of a shop without at least one kid in tow since April.

I still try to be dressed up, I always wear make up but my heels are a bit lower, I even wear flats sometimes. It is a bit presumptuous to assume that people let themselves go only because they get comfortable or lazy in a relationship. A lot of people actually live extremely busy lives (I don't think I'm any kind of a exception).

Keith300

If you insist someone can only have sex with yourself and no one else whilst "letting yourself go" you are an a55hole IMO.

Both parties have a responsibility to look attractive to their partners of they insist they can't see anyone else.

Malari

meeeeh wrote: »

That. Plus if you have children, there is waaaay less time for any of it. Due to my partner working extreme hours, I haven't seen an inside of a shop without at least one kid in tow since April.

I still try to be dressed up, I always wear make up but my heels are a bit lower, I even wear flats sometimes. It is a bit presumptuous to assume that people let themselves go only because they get comfortable or lazy in a relationship. A lot of people actually live extremely busy lives (I don't think I'm any kind of a exception).

Reduced heel height is not something I'd equate with letting yourself go though. I think it's more to do with personal grooming and hygiene. And appearance in terms of clean or pressed clothes, neat hair, etc.

Das Kitty

Malari wrote: »

I think it's more to do with personal grooming and hygiene. And appearance in terms of clean or pressed clothes, neat hair, etc.

Rules me out so! :pac:

I is a scruff.

meeeeh

Malari wrote: »

Reduced heel height is not something I'd equate with letting yourself go though. I think it's more to do with personal grooming and hygiene. And appearance in terms of clean or pressed clothes, neat hair, etc.

Again, while I'm not a slob, I have way less time to be in hairdressers and similar. Secondly I'm not that fat but I'm size 12 and I know I look way better in high heels. Ten years ago I would wear flats only on the beach or when running, I barley owned a pair. Ten or even five years ago I was a size smaller. So yes I did look better in my twenties. In theory I did let myself go. But it has nothing to do with being in a relationship.

Malari

Das Kitty wrote: »

Rules me out so! :pac:

I is a scruff.

LOL! Well, most of the above then

meeeeh wrote: »

Again, while I'm not a slob, I have way less time to be in hairdressers and similar. Secondly I'm not that fat but I'm size 12 and I know I look way better in high heels. Ten years ago I would wear flats only on the beach or when running, I barley owned a pair. Ten or even five years ago I was a size smaller. So yes I did look better in my twenties. In theory I did let myself go. But it has nothing to do with being in a relationship.

Yeah, I'm not talking hairdressers either. I only go once every 6 months or so! Just not like, bedhead! Everyone has their own standards I suppose.

username123

Well everyone looked better in their twenties. Youth makes everyone look better!

I can't wear heels at all, that hasn't changed. I've much less time. I seem to devote hours each week to exercising which I never did when I was younger!

Some aspects have become more groomed, eyebrows for example, some less, less money on clothes perhaps.

Fashions and trends dictate some of it, no one wore or even heard of fake tan when I was a young wan!

fits

I rarely shave my legs but it is light fair hair and I don't go barelegged often. I don't colour my hair but it is always well cut. Rarely wear make up except concealer these days to keep my skin clear. never wear heels as they just frustrate me. On special occasions 8cm is my max height. I don't even buy many clothes but when I do I try to ensure its a good investment rather than disposable fashion. Never wear fake tan.

I do have some beautiful items in my wardrobe though but I can't remember the last time I bought a dress. Am seriously considering buying a nice dress now though for a friends wedding. (yes im trying to justify it to myself)
The only real change since I was single is an extra half stone. Meh. Its not the end of the world

meeeeh

username123 wrote: »

Well everyone looked better in their twenties. Youth makes everyone look better!

Don't. I'm still deluding myself that I'll be size 8 in my forties again. Not that I was ever size 8 for more than three days together.

But what I was trying to say is that our lifestyle changes, even if you discount the ageing and slower metabolism, gray hair and so on.

username123

meeeeh wrote: »

But what I was trying to say is that our lifestyle changes, even if you discount the ageing and slower metabolism, gray hair and so on.

I agree. There are physiological changes, but lifestyle, commitments, finances, etc can all conspire to lower the levels of personal presentation.

Mind you, I'm fitter now than I was when I was younger, so even if I don't look better, I am healthier!

pwurple

I think money and time comes into this big time.

When you are young free and single with an income and time all to yourself you might get a blow dry every week, or get the nails done and use nice creams or get a facial. When you're 20 years older, have a big mortgage, three kids hanging off you and only one job between the lot of ye, something's got to give. I'm not there yet, but I can see things going. I know my hair is one of those. It looks nowhere near as good now as it used to. I can't afford it, either in time or in cash! I can spend 20 quid a week and a hour in a hairdresser on snazzier hair, or I can have 1000 quid towards a holiday and go to the playground for that hour instead.

It's grand like... clean and brushed and I tie it back. I do something for special occasions, but it's not highlighted with a sleek blow-dry. Defo less glam, not that I was uber-glam to begin with.

Legs.Eleven

I do it for myself first and foremost though and being in a relationship hasn't changed the need to feel good about myself and to look presentable as I go about my business. I'm probably a lot more low maintenance than many women and everything I do is a DIY job bar haircuts but I have my ritual in the morning and won't leave the house 'till it's done and can't imagine giving that up. Saying that, it's important that my boyfriend fancies me on top of everything else he feels for me, so that'd always be an incentive.

Malari

pwurple wrote: »

I think money and time comes into this big time.

When you are young free and single with an income and time all to yourself you might get a blow dry every week, or get the nails done and use nice creams or get a facial. When you're 20 years older, have a big mortgage, three kids hanging off you and only one job between the lot of ye, something's got to give. I'm not there yet, but I can see things going. I know my hair is one of those. It looks nowhere near as good now as it used to. I can't afford it, either in time or in cash! I can spend 20 quid a week and a hour in a hairdresser on snazzier hair, or I can have 1000 quid towards a holiday and go to the playground for that hour instead.

It's grand like... clean and brushed and I tie it back. I do something for special occasions, but it's not highlighted with a sleek blow-dry. Defo less glam, not that I was uber-glam to begin with.

Hah, maybe I'm the opposite! I had no money in my 20s, paying off college debt and running around in sports gear with my hair scraped back and no make-up I think my overall appearance in my 30s is better than it was 10 years ago.

pwurple

Malari wrote: »

Hah, maybe I'm the opposite! I had no money in my 20s, paying off college debt and running around in sports gear with my hair scraped back and no make-up I think my overall appearance in my 30s is better than it was 10 years ago.

That's the same though isn't it... Sounds like you possibly have more free time now than you had then then? People encouter shortages of time or cash at different times in their lives. My point was that it is the shortage of these things that have the effect, rather than your age.

mashedbanana

forgetmenots wrote: »

In long term relationships, do you think it's important to try your best to look good for the other person? Obviously you're not going to look great all the time, but I mean making an effort like you would have done at the start? How important are aesthetics in long term relationships?

For me I thinks so yes. It kind of keeps the spark going I think. I go to the hair dressers every 8 weeks, I work my appointments around the kids being at school.

I shower everyday, blow dry & straighten my hair.

I of course, keep my teeth in good nic! & shaving, moisturising etc.

I wear make up most days, but only a bit, and ya, I give myself a quick check in the mirror when himself is due in the door from work. I have 3 kids btw. But I would love to lose just a little bit of weight, not much. But I have it down to a fine art! Quick shower, I'm fast with the straighteners, makeup done in under 5 mins.

Every relationship is different. So to answer your question looking my best for my oh is important to me yes.

forgetmenots

In my experience its men who get comfy in relationships, start putting on a few pounds and generally making less effort. There is an assumption, exacerbated by the media, that men are "visual' creatures whereas somehow women operate on a deeper level...I think that's cr*p...men need to make a small bit of an effort too, especially considering the amount of time and money we put into looking good! Now I'm not talking anything major here, and I guess I'm talking about weight/fitness as much as anything else. Most of my female friends, of whatever size, try really hard to keep fit and be healthy when the men are cultivating beer bellies! And you don't see husbands/boyfriends going around worrying that their wives/GF's won't think they're sexy...they just assume they will!:P

mashedbanana

forgetmenots wrote: »

In my experience its men who get comfy in relationships, start putting on a few pounds and generally making less effort. There is an assumption, exacerbated by the media, that men are "visual' creatures whereas somehow women operate on a deeper level...I think that's cr*p...men need to make a small bit of an effort too, especially considering the amount of time and money we put into looking good! Now I'm not talking anything major here, and I guess I'm talking about weight/fitness as much as anything else. Most of my female friends, of whatever size, try really hard to keep fit and be healthy when the men are cultivating beer bellies! And you don't see husbands/boyfriends going around worrying that their wives/GF's won't think they're sexy...they just assume they will!:P

I agree with a lot of what your saying here, us gals worry more about what we look like, then the men I have known. Ya there is a lot of metromales nowadays, but some of them wear more makeup then me! Ah no, seriously though, they would be the very fashion conscience, clean cut, modern looking fella. I think if I was married to a metro male, I'd be driven demented. Fighting over the bathroom mirror, & straighteners! LOL

my Oh got a bit of a pouch, but that's from the extra padding her acquired from giving up smoking, not from beer Thankfully!

meeeeh

forgetmenots wrote: »

In my experience its men who get comfy in relationships, start putting on a few pounds and generally making less effort. There is an assumption, exacerbated by the media, that men are "visual' creatures whereas somehow women operate on a deeper level...I think that's cr*p...men need to make a small bit of an effort too, especially considering the amount of time and money we put into looking good! Now I'm not talking anything major here, and I guess I'm talking about weight/fitness as much as anything else. Most of my female friends, of whatever size, try really hard to keep fit and be healthy when the men are cultivating beer bellies! And you don't see husbands/boyfriends going around worrying that their wives/GF's won't think they're sexy...they just assume they will!:P

I'm not sure that is true, if I remember correctly Irish men are slimmer than Irish women according to some EU stats.

seosamh1980

My boyfriend is really into his appearance and fitness, he wears suits and nice clothes for work, he loves clothes, has a bigger wardrobe than me! He will wear a 3 piece suit with the smallest excuse, he loves them. If he ever thinks he looks sh!t he'll say it to me, we always say "don't judge me" if we look particularly rough due to illness, hangover, laziness :P He knows I love him in a suit or shirt/tie, or a gorgeous warm cuddly sweater and jeans, we'd always compliment each other when we think the other looks particularly good. My exes weren't remotely fashionable so it's great having a guy like this

I would never have considered him having good personal hygiene as a plus, I thought it was a given, but have now learned that that's not the case, I appreciate it more now!

beks101

pampootie wrote: »

I have to say I don't really understand the idea of letting yourself go, in the context of a ltr or otherwise. For me, maintaining my appearance is something I do for myself and my own self confidence, not for anyone else. I kinda think letting yourself go is almost a sign of not really liking or respecting yourself. I don't mean if you're not dolled up to the nines all the time you hate yourself, but why wouldn't you want to look after yourself?

+1.

For me, "letting myself go" would indicate there was something serious going on with me, that I was depressed or unhappy or something.

I'm far from a dolly bird, but there's a certain routine I'm used to with my grooming, diet and exercise - that I do for me and for how it makes me feel - and so if any of those started to slide, there's a deeper reason than "just not being aRsed" or whatever.

pampootie

How does everyone actually define letting themselves go? When I think of it i don't equate it to someone who doesn't have the time or the cash to put into grooming themselves as they used to, or someone who's aging, for me it's a lack of caring how you look at all, disregard for your health, no interest in yourself. I don't think the standard of grooming matters as it's so individual.

The Sweeper

This is kinda weird - maybe I don't understand what 'let yourself go' means.

If my husband said to me 'You've let yourself go a bit', first up I'd be gutted, and second I'm really not sure I'd want to be with him if I genuinely thought he held that sort of mindset, the idea that there's a certain way I should look as his wife and I wasn't meeting that standard.

I'm not sure I even understand what 'letting yourself go means'. Is it not shaving and not personally grooming any more, or something else? We've been together 11 years. I'm not ever going to look like I did when we first got together. Comparing yourself to how you looked in your early twenties is a surefire way to pummel your self esteem right there and I'm simply not going to do it. If I thought for a second he'd draw a comparison between how I look now and how I looked then, and find me somehow lacking, I'd kick him into touch and find myself an adult because frankly, nobody gets younger, and how the hell is he going to look at me in another 11 years when the two of us are closer to 50 than we'll ever be to 20?

I've gone up one dress size in 11 years, and my clothing is now is, simply put, age appropriate. I spend more money on my hair now than I did back then. We have no kids so I've never had the pressure of trying to return to some semblance of normality after growing another human being in my body for the best part of a year (and kudos to anyone who manages that fair approximation of normal).

However, I know my husband better than anyone else on the planet does. I'm absolutely in his corner in every struggle he goes through. He made some really dramatic changes to his life a few years ago, and I'm the one who holds home base together while he goes and does his thing now. We've lived in three countries, two continents, moved house on average every 18 months, own far too many pets, been through family deaths and all the bad news that everyone usually goes through at some point or other, had our good years and had our crap years.

If turned to me after all that and said 'You've let yourself go', based on some idea that I'm supposed to look a particular way, honestly, it'd be 'And you can let yourself out'.

Legs.Eleven

pampootie wrote: »

How does everyone actually define letting themselves go? When I think of it i don't equate it to someone who doesn't have the time or the cash to put into grooming themselves as they used to, or someone who's aging, for me it's a lack of caring how you look at all, disregard for your health, no interest in yourself. I don't think the standard of grooming matters as it's so individual.

The Sweeper, this would be my definition above.

RogerThatRoger

I think you should should try to look good for your partner but also that you should be comfortable with a partner to not have to look good all of the time.

Quality

Some women are a diagrace as they get older. one i know has a moustache on her like Tom selleck. It's embarrassing to look at her.

Seriously has she no mirror.

I can understand busy mams not having time to look after all bits.

But clean hair/ body, brushed teeth and any body hair on show that shouldnt be, should be the main concerns of women.

Make up, fashion not so important day to day. But an effort is nice.

I try to look my best every day. Wouldn't wear a huge amount of make up mid week. But out the effort in when going out.

XxMCRxBabyxX

I'm still confused on what letting yourself go actually covers?

I'll often not wear any make up or contacts, mostly when I'm home alone, in college or just not meeting anyone in particular, but I'll do the same when meeting my boyfriend sometimes. I'll be shaved, showered and dressed well (I don't believe in dressing down at all - I'm all dresses, skirts and skinny jeans - I don't own runners or tracksuit bottoms) but I just wouldn't be bothered with my face and I have been known to turn up with wet hair.

Is that letting myself go? If so, I let myself go with everyone, not just my OH.

Quality

Good ques mrs baby.

Right well I think you are ok.

But if someone was to let them self go here is the areas that should be too priority for me

Personal hygiene and cleanliness, hair cleaned, make up fully removed, clean nails


Bad hair, roots not done or scraggy looking.


HAIR REMOVAL. Especially from lip and chin. Legs if on show. Pits. Eyebrows/unibrow.

The higher end of things and finer things are, having nails done, tan done, weekly blow drys, waxed to within a mm of existence. Basically what my life was like before 3 kids ha ha

pharmaton

It takes me an age to get my hair to look like I just got out of bed some days.

meeeeh

Quality wrote: »

The higher end of things and finer things are, having nails done, tan done, weekly blow drys, waxed to within a mm of existence. Basically what my life was like before 3 kids ha ha

Nail varnish destroys my nails so I never do them. I keep them clean and short. I never bothered with blow drys but I keep my hair clean and sort of presentable. As far as tan is concerned, I'm not a fan at all. I actually think it often looks dreadful.

I dress ok, I hate tracksuits and don't wear them out of house. But I also have no problems parading around the house in knickers and a t-shirt. My partner and my good friends all saw me without make up, in messy clothes and with panda eyes. When I'm at home I want to be comfortable and there is no way I'll be checking myself in the mirror while cooking to make sure I look well when my partner coms home. There is more to me than being stepford wife. And btw letting yourself go is for me also not being interested in different things and not challenging yourself intellectually anymore. I do think that making sure you are presentable is important but a lot more important is that that you don't let yourself become stupid. And that is also the only expectation I have of my partner. I don't mind if he is unshaven, overweight or not the best dressed person in the room. However I would lose all my interest in someone who would stop thinking and trying to better things. I'm not talking about saving the world, just not going through the motions every day.

I'm not trying to say that looks don't matter but there is a hell of a lot more to people. I just think that how we live is way more important than how we look like.

Quality

Absolutely. I used to invest a lot of time and money in my appearance, now I invest it in my kids.

But I still look after the basics

April O Neill

Das Kitty wrote: »

Rules me out so! :pac:

I is a scruff.

Me too! :pac:

username123

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

I don't believe in dressing down at all - I'm all dresses, skirts and skinny jeans - I don't own runners or tracksuit bottoms

So for you, letting yourself go would include a disinterest in dresses, skirts, skinny jeans etc and a decline into unfashionable clothes or dated old cardigans etc

For me, I'm often in exercise gear so it wouldn't be unusual to see me in trainers or gym gear. So that wouldn't be me letting myself go. I don't own any dresses or skirts for everyday wear.

I'm inclined to think for me that letting myself go would mean no longer dying my hair, no longer keeping up with haircuts, no shaving, plucking, nails, personal hygiene.

I was at a school reunion last year and one girl in particular stood out with grey dried out unbrushed hair and a shapeless grubby old cardigan over a pair of shapeless track suit bottoms. No make up, no personal grooming, and this on a night out. She commented loudly a couple of times that she felt underdressed and hadn't realised people would be so dressed up. I don't know if she just hadn't been out in a long time or what but people had discussed on Facebook that they had gotten a new top for it or whatever etc...

Rosy Posy

I put on a lot of weight in my first pregnancy. I'm naturally curvy and spent most of my teens and early twenties watching my weight. When I got pregnant right when I was doing my finals I went a bit heavy on the magnums and was shocked when it didn't melt away once the baby was born.

The funny thing about being overweight was that I stopped wearing nice clothes and making an effort. I also was disgusted by my body and didn't feel sexy. It was this more than anything else that bothered my oh. He could handle my flabby body but not the way I inhabited it.

In that way, for me, it's important to put my best face forward. I rarely wear make up but I do like (ok love) nice clothes, and try to make the effort to keep up with the grooming at a basic level. We have date nights, either getting a babysitter or staying in and cooking a nice meal after the kids have gone to sleep, and even if we're just at home I'll make an effort to wear something nice.

We both spend a fair amount of time exercising but I think that that's mostly stress busting with the appearance factor being secondary, and if anything I think my oh has gotten more conscious of being well dressed the longer we're together...or maybe it's just that he hates shopping and is happy for me to buy all his clothes!

Malari

pwurple wrote: »

That's the same though isn't it... Sounds like you possibly have more free time now than you had then then? People encouter shortages of time or cash at different times in their lives. My point was that it is the shortage of these things that have the effect, rather than your age.

No, I wouldn't agree. Not for me anyway, I don't think it has anything to do with time or cash. You make time to make yourself presentable, it doesn't take that long for me. I think I just prioritised different things in my life.

username123 wrote: »

So for you, letting yourself go would include a disinterest in dresses, skirts, skinny jeans etc and a decline into unfashionable clothes or dated old cardigans etc

For me, I'm often in exercise gear so it wouldn't be unusual to see me in trainers or gym gear. So that wouldn't be me letting myself go. I don't own any dresses or skirts for everyday wear.

I'm inclined to think for me that letting myself go would mean no longer dying my hair, no longer keeping up with haircuts, no shaving, plucking, nails, personal hygiene.

This is what I was saying earlier, that it's different for everyone, depending on what you do now. I don't think people who are self-claimed "scruffs" have necessarily let themselves go, I just think that if you don't bother with the kind of thing that has become routine to maintaining how you wish to look, THAT is letting yourself go.

jaffacakesyum

I think "letting yourself go" would be more not taking care of yourself in terms of exercising, eating healthily, making an effort in the relationship. For me, it certainly wouldn't be about how much makeup I wear or making sure I'm in a sexy dress and heels for my partner while I cook the dinner.

Don't get me wrong, I love dressing up and I would like to make the effort to look nice both for me and my partner (if I had one!!) but like another poster said earlier, I don't feel like I should have to look a certain way for anybody.

But I guess it would be different if I was the type of girl who was glammed up to the nines 24/7 and then suddenly stopped

LegacyUser

People can let themselves in other ways too, not just appearance.
As some people have pointed out already that some people let their health go and that's also true of their mental health, I think a lot of people have an awful diet which really impacts on their moods and personality, it can lead to depression etc.

I bet personality changes are a much bigger factor in relationship break ups than physical changes and some of those changes are self inflicted, if someone is eating a diet of rubbish they might be lethargic and moody and that to me is letting yourself go, we have an obligation to our partners and/or our children to try to look after our mental health, if you feel yourself slipping into a bad place then try to do something about it.

Of course not all depression or low moods etc. are related to a persons lifestyle or bad diet and lack of exercise but some are and the last thing I want to do is offend people so sorry if I have but I know certainly in my case a bad diet caused me to suffer very bad periods of depression but I copped myself on and have been depression free since, I have fleeting moments of being down but doesn't everyone?? and I don't allow myself to fall into that trap again by eating rubbish and stopping exercising because that is not fair on my partner or my kids.


In regards to physical appearance I wouldn't let myself go either. I'm slim, I look after my skin and my hair etc, I don't get glammed up every day of the week but I do like to take care of myself.

username123

username123 wrote: »

She commented loudly a couple of times that she felt underdressed and hadn't realised people would be so dressed up. I don't know if she just hadn't been out in a long time or what but people had discussed on Facebook that they had gotten a new top for it or whatever etc...

Of all social functions, school reunions stand out as one of those times when people put more effort than usual in.

At my 5 year reunion it was really obvious that people had pulled out all the stops to look their best - me included. If someone had wandered in in trackie bottoms and a cardie, I'd wonder if she was feeling alright, not because there's anything intrinsically wrong with that, but because it's soo out of context.

To me letting myself go would be paying no attention to dressing appropriately, neglecting grooming and personal hygiene, becoming slovenly or bad mannered.