Young and Engaged?

aaronjumper

I just found out that an old school friend of mine is engaged. Normally this would be fine.

However this friend in particular, is only twenty years old. I know engagements can go on for a few years but it just seems strange to me that someone so young would be getting ready to settle down.

Is it strange?

Legs.Eleven

Engagement is just words. Any auld eejit can get engaged, it's the marriage that's the serious business (although any auld eejit can get married too but it implies a lot more commitment).

1ZRed

****ing crazy! He's only a kid. Why the feck would anyone want to be bogged down so young?

Getting engaged/married that young in this day and age just won't last

Real Life

i remember this couple who were in my year in secondary school getting engaged when they were about 17. in the end they never got married and broke up

Whatsernamex33

A girl from my primary school is barely 18 and she's married and has a baby. :cool:

It's craziness, I've found that people getting married young/engaged young just seem to want to prove to others that they're in a lasting and committed relationship, usually after they've had a serious breakup etc.

Czarcasm

1ZRed wrote: »

****ing crazy! He's only a kid. Why the feck would anyone want to be bogged down so young?

It's not too often that people as daft as that find a person equally as daft as them, so they do their best to get them up the aisle asap before they grow up and get some cop on!

Wouldn't worry about it OP, "engaged" seems to be the one upmanship boast du jour on facebook these days, then a few weeks later they're broken up.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I give it a year.

Great film.

MadsL

My daughters school was founded in 1964.

It just inducted a third generation pupil!!
So average age of the parent and grandparent was 18!

Ace Attorney

Meh, if they are happy enough let them at it, they are over 18 and adults

TheMilkyPirate

I'm 24 and my OH is 22, We have a 4yr old son together. We got engaged two years ago and were planning on getting married in 2015.

We're young but were happy so, So what?

aaronjumper

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Engagement is just words. Any auld eejit can get engaged, it's the marriage that's the serious business (although any auld eejit can get married too but it implies a lot more commitment).

Well if you are going to look at it like that you could say marriage is just a piece of paper. It means more than that to a lot of people though.

There is an emotional aspect to it as well. Engagement is just words but it is also the period where people start saving for the honeymoon and/or wedding.
It's easier to back out of an engagement, as in it is less messy (at least from the paperwork aspect of things) but an engagement breakup could probably hurt just as much as a marriage break up. Just that you have to go through all the paperwork on top of all the other break up stuff when leaving a marriage and it gets more complicated again if there are kids involved.

It's a lot to take into consideration no matter your age but maybe it's a bit better to wait until everyone involved is a bit more mature?

Not trying to prove you wrong by the way just trying to think it all out.

MadsL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoDPPgWbfXY

aaronjumper

baraca wrote: »

I'm 24 and my OH is 22, We have a 4yr old son together. We got engaged two years ago and were planning on getting married in 2015.

We're young but we're happy so, So what?

Well done and congrats! How long were you together before you decided to spend the rest of your lives together, if you don't mind me asking?

TheMilkyPirate

aaronjumper wrote: »

Well done and congrats! How long were you together before you decided to spend the rest of your lives together, if you don't mind me asking?

5 years to the day

aaronjumper

baraca wrote: »

5 years to the day

Well that's the other thing, they have not even been going out a year and now they are engaged. It feels a little rushed to me.

UCDVet

I've known quite a few couples who were engaged, some for years, without getting married. Engaged is the new dating, IMHO.

I moved in with a girl, we got engaged, lived together for four years, and then went our separate ways.

From what I understand, it used be that you got 'engaged' when you started planning the wedding and would be married in a few months.

1ZRed

UCDVet wrote: »

I've known quite a few couples who were engaged, some for years, without getting married. Engaged is the new dating, IMHO.

I moved in with a girl, we got engaged, lived together for four years, and then went our separate ways.

From what I understand, it used be that you got 'engaged' when you started planning the wedding and would be married in a few months.

Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, chief

aaronjumper

UCDVet wrote: »

From what I understand, it used be that you got 'engaged' when you started planning the wedding and would be married in a few months.

That was my understanding too. Someone needs to change the meaning in the dictionary. Engaged: Really serious dating :pac:

No offence intended to those actually engaged, just having a laugh.

4zn76tysfajdxp

Whatsernamex33 wrote: »

A girl from my primary school is barely 18 and she's married and has a baby. :cool:

She's a bit old for primary school, you'd think.

rainbowtrout

aaronjumper wrote: »

Well that's the other thing, they have not even been going out a year and now they are engaged. It feels a little rushed to me.

Why do you care? Some people know what they want. Maybe this relationship will last, maybe it won't, can't you be happy for your friend instead of looking down on them and saying 'normally this would be fine'? Do they have to conform to what you believe is the 'normal' age for marriage?

People in Ireland used to get married much younger than they do now. Then again people in Ireland used to leave school a lot younger and were out working full time in their mid teens and getting into relationships, marriage, buying a house much younger as a result. Now with so many people going to college which has become the norm for a lot of school leavers and then going travelling etc, a lot of people don't contemplate settling down until at least their late 20s, even if they have been in a long term relationship before then.

Getting engaged before the age of 25 only seems unusual now because it's not what most people are doing. It doesn't make it weird, abnormal or wrong. Maybe they know what they want.

I moved to the town I'm living in now when I left college and got a job. I met a couple through mutual friends, who were getting married that summer, they were about 22 or 23. I was amazed at the time because I was only getting used to having a full time job and a decent wage so the idea of such a huge commitment was beyond my comprehension when I was only getting used to being able to afford a summer holiday. They had left school at 17 and had been doing all that for 6 years. It's 12 years on and they are still married.

meoklmrk91

It doesn't bother me tbh, different strokes and all that. Personally though the idea of marriage, never mind say any time soon, sends shivers up and down my spine.

Legs.Eleven

aaronjumper wrote: »

Well if you are going to look at it like that you could say marriage is just a piece of paper. It means more than that to a lot of people though.

There is an emotional aspect to it as well. Engagement is just words but it is also the period where people start saving for the honeymoon and/or wedding.
It's easier to back out of an engagement, as in it is less messy (at least from the paperwork aspect of things) but an engagement breakup could probably hurt just as much as a marriage break up. Just that you have to go through all the paperwork on top of all the other break up stuff when leaving a marriage and it gets more complicated again if there are kids involved.

It's a lot to take into consideration no matter your age but maybe it's a bit better to wait until everyone involved is a bit more mature?

Not trying to prove you wrong by the way just trying to think it all out.

Yeah I meant messiness, money wasted etc. A marriage is harder to end. Relationships are always sad finishing but I suppose the expectation are higher once you're married and the fall is harder.


Engagement is a promise that you will get married down the line. In that case, any couple who have expressed a desire to marry each other is engaged when you think about it. I suppose marriage is putting your money where your mouth is.

Aidric

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QH2KwQ4eM2A

aaronjumper

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Why do you care? Some people know what they want. Maybe this relationship will last, maybe it won't, can't you be happy for your friend instead of looking down on them and saying 'normally this would be fine'? Do they have to conform to what you believe is the 'normal' age for marriage?

People in Ireland used to get married much younger than they do now. Then again people in Ireland used to leave school a lot younger and were out working full time in their mid teens and getting into relationships, marriage, buying a house much younger as a result. Now with so many people going to college which has become the norm for a lot of school leavers and then going travelling etc, a lot of people don't contemplate settling down until at least their late 20s, even if they have been in a long term relationship before then.

Getting engaged before the age of 25 only seems unusual now because it's not what most people are doing. It doesn't make it weird, abnormal or wrong. Maybe they know what they want.

I moved to the town I'm living in now when I left college and got a job. I met a couple through mutual friends, who were getting married that summer, they were about 22 or 23. I was amazed at the time because I was only getting used to having a full time job and a decent wage so the idea of such a huge commitment was beyond my comprehension when I was only getting used to being able to afford a summer holiday. They had left school at 17 and had been doing all that for 6 years. It's 12 years on and they are still married.

I am happy for him, I'm also worried because he is a friend. This isn't old Ireland a lot has changed since the days you are talking about. I am also not looking down on them but asking a question out of curiosity based on my own opinions. I try not to look down on anyone. (I succeed for the most part )

Czarcasm

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Why do you care? Some people know what they know what they want.

You tear strips off the OP, and then you come out with this-

I moved to the town I'm living in now when I left college and got a job. I met a couple through mutual friends, who were getting married that summer, they were about 22 or 23. I was amazed at the time because I was only getting used to having a full time job and a decent wage so the idea of such a huge commitment was beyond my comprehension when I was only getting used to being able to afford a summer holiday. They had left school at 17 and had been doing all that for 6 years. It's 12 years on and they are still married.

It's perfectly alright for you to be hypocritical though?

Yeah, people USED to get married young, and they USED to do lots of things, but society evolves and it IS unusual to be getting married so young nowadays.

rainbowtrout

Czarcasm wrote: »

You tear strips off the OP, and then you come out with this-




It's perfectly alright for you to be hypocritical though?

Yeah, people USED to get married young, and they USED to do lots of things, but society evolves and it IS unusual to be getting married so young nowadays.

I didn't think it was wrong or weird for the couple getting married, I just couldn't imagine myself doing the same at that time of my life, mainly because I had led a completely different life to them for the same period of time.

Yes people used to get married young, only that now they are in the minority. It doesn't make them unusual. It would probably still exist in Ireland if free third level education wasn't brought in in the mid 90s. Not everyone wants to spend a couple of years travelling around SE Asia/Australia before they feel they can settle down. Some people just want to get on with it and they are not unusual for wanting that.

Czarcasm

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I didn't think it was wrong or weird for the couple getting married, I just couldn't imagine myself doing the same at that time of my life, mainly because I had led a completely different life to them for the same period of time.

Yes people used to get married young, only that now they are in the minority. It doesn't make them unusual. It would probably still exist in Ireland if free third level education wasn't brought in in the mid 90s. Not everyone wants to spend a couple of years travelling around SE Asia/Australia before they feel they can settle down. Some people just want to get on with it and they are not unusual for wanting that.

Something that is not usually done = unusual.

It's not rocket science.

Royal.Baby

I don't understand why anyone would want to get married before at least the age of 30. Some people might have met the 'one' and i just haven't been that lucky maybe?

Weddings can be very expensive, im pretty sure i will never be able to afford to get married even if i wanted to.

Quaint Village

Royal.Baby wrote: »

I don't understand why anyone would want to get married before at least the age of 30. Some people might have met the 'one' and i just haven't been that lucky maybe?

Weddings can be very expensive, im pretty sure i will never be able to afford to get married even if i wanted to.

If you want a big family it's better IMO to start before 30 to reduce fertility risks.

Mozzeltoff

I fail to see the problem you have OP. It's their life and I know he's your friend but he's made that promise to her, not you. I say let them off and be happy for them if it works out and be there for him if it doesn't. I really don't understand why you need to have an opinion on it at all. None of your business and if it's not affecting your life in any way, leave them be.

hfallada

It generally done by the extreme American christian who get married at 16. Pop out a few kids and divorced by 20 and remarried by about 24 and probably divorce again. But at same time still believe "the gays wanting to marry is attack on the institution of marriage".

I really, really thought about proposing to my ex, at 19. I had planned to get the ring in a couple of days, but realised it was an enormously stupid thing to do, for me at least.

Ciano35

aaronjumper wrote: »

I just found out that an old school friend of mine is engaged. Normally this would be fine.

However this friend in particular, is only twenty years old. I know engagements can go on for a few years but it just seems strange to me that someone so young would be getting ready to settle down.

Is it strange?

What's his name? Slight chance we might know the same person :P

MonsterMob

As Bill Murray said "getting married at 22 is like going to a party and leaving at 21:30...."

MistyCheese

MonsterMob wrote: »

As Bill Murray said "getting married at 22 is like going to a party and leaving at 21:30...."

"With the person that you want to go home with forever."

aaronjumper

Mozzeltoff wrote: »

I fail to see the problem you have OP. It's their life and I know he's your friend but he's made that promise to her, not you. I say let them off and be happy for them if it works out and be there for him if it doesn't. I really don't understand why you need to have an opinion on it at all. None of your business and if it's not affecting your life in any way, leave them be.

I fully intend on leaving them be, all I wanted was to see what other peoples thoughts on the matter was. I just wanted to know if people getting engaged very young was found odd by anyone else, it's not a matter that I'm going to take action on.

It's a discussion board and something that I wanted to discuss came up.
Generally people don't need an opinion on most things but we still form those opinions.

Ciano35 wrote: »

What's his name? Slight chance we might know the same person :P

Nice try. :P

Yellow121

What's the current percentage for marriages that end in divorce in Ireland?
They could end when you get married at 20 or when you get married at 50 or they could last forever in either case.

TheChizler

A friend of mine at the age of 21 proposed to his girlfriend in a hotel room when she was annoyed at him for something. He later admitted that it was the only thing he could do to get the ride...

BrianBoru00

MadsL wrote: »

My daughters school was founded in 1964.

It just inducted a third generation pupil!!
So average age of the parent and grandparent was 18!

Not really.......if the grandmother was in school as an 16 year old in 1964 and gave birth as a 26 year old in 1974 then her daughter (The mother ) would be leaving school at 18 in 1992 and if she also had a baby at 27 in 2001 then that child would be entering school at 12 years of age in 2013. so an average age of 26.....

HellboundIRL

I was engaged at 18, married at 20 and 7 years and 2 kids later I don't have any regrets, love every minute....a while to go yet though

I got a serious amount of negative responses at the time but I never listen to peoples advice, it's usually a load of bollocks.

Sunglasses Ron

MonsterMob wrote: »

As Bill Murray said "getting married at 22 is like going to a party and leaving at 21:30...."

Haha, that is brilliant :pac:

Girl I had been seeing when I was 16 had a "married" status on her FB a few years ago and seemed to be still with the same guy she had got with about the age of 18 (I was Bebo friends with her at this stage, but it was four or five years later that FB kicked off, and having not talked in four years I am not really the type to go adding people from back in the day I vaguely know anymore). There were no wedding photos on the profile mind so it may have been a joke, but still, she does seem to have been with the same lad all those years. Being restricted to a relationship for the entirety of your teens and twenties would kill me, you are only young once and you don't get a second chance.

I knew another girl where it was more of a case of wanting to give her old man a smack in the head. She was from quite a well off background, not your scobie type whose biggest ambition is mickey money and a corpo house by 18, but a bit soft in the head all the same, this guy was her second engagement like. He was some odd looking rocker type lad who appeared to be about 22 odd when she was 15, he even half lived in the family home with her. Up the duff before 16 far as I recall. Pure waste of a life if you ask me, except in that case the old pair really should have known better. I have no idea where she is now but I could bet she never did marry Kurt Cobain or whoever he styled himself after.

Snowie

itle be over bye the time there in ther elate 20s