Do you know many homophobic people?

corklad12

We have seen in previous threads that the majority of people on this forum support same sex marriage and adoption.
However I am a 20 year old straight lad from a small town in Ireland and I witnessed homophobic incidents during most of my school days generally coming from fellas. My parents would have felt that homosexuality was a sin up until 2009 when my older brother came out to them. They accepted straight away and they now understand that anyone can be gay.
Well when I went to college I thought people from the city/urban areas would be accepting but I found that most of these people were the same as I experienced in school. There was one sight difference tough I found that a lot of the homophobic guys were friendly to the gay lads in my course to there face but would totally rip them apart behind there back. I have experienced this in different sports club, student accommodation etc. Girls were more accepting than lads tough imo. Now I am not saying everyone is this way but I've just experienced from a few lads.
I myself would not consider myself homophobic. In generally tough I have rarely became good friends with gay people simple because we have nearly always had different interests and would go to different events/clubs.
So would you have experienced many homophobic people or would you consider yourself?

minidazzler

Depends on the definition. I know plenty of lads, including myself, who will tell gay jokes* and such. Or call a guy gay for the slightest thing, but I've no fear, hatred or dislike of gay people for being gay, they are after all, just people. I do know that there are plenty of people that would see me as a bigot for just telling gay jokes, but I honestly don't care. I know how I feel about people, and that's what matters.

For actual Homophobes who hate/fear the Gay, I know a few, and I really really hate them.

*I will tell the jokes to the face of a gay person, in the same way I'll tell a joke about disabled people to my sister, if I know they'll take it in the light hearted manner that I mean it, I will do it.

kneemos

Being gay tends to get used in a derogatory way amongst boys and men,can't be easy if you are actually gay.

Supraman

Yes id know a few homophobic people . I would be friendly with a few gay guys and girls and don't see them as any different to a straight friend . I couldn't care less as long as they are happy .

That said I can't stand the false camp persona some gay blokes have once they come out . You are who you are . Surely you don't feel a need to camp it up . I find some gay people can be a bit dramatic in leaving you know of their sexual orientation .

Ireland in general isn't liberal anyway so that's why I suspect there's still a fair bit of homophobia about . All the people who support gay marriage ; would they all be happy with two blokes living next door that are married (or two ladies for that matter) Does the thought of gay marriage extend to the transgendered community also ?

As you are from a small town and used to this I suspect the fact that you are looking for different attitudes in the city and you are probably quicker to pick up on a negative attitude towards gay people also with your brother being gay .

I could be totally wrong though and talking gibberish as I'm still suffering from jetlag , hence being awake all night and posting at this hour .

Tombi!

Unfortunately I do know one that is very homophobic, to the point he said he if he had a son that was gay, he'd disown him.
Oddly, the idea of a gay daughter was quite acceptable to him.

NuckingFacker

I think homophobic people are ghey.



It's like hating the colour green - I find it hard to get my head around, tbh.. What has someone elses sexuality got to do with anyone else? MYOB?

Sandypants

i think the older people get the less homophobic they become....tho i've noticed with the blokes i kno.. the judgemental ones seem to be the ones that dont kno or pal wit gay people. but as they've gotten older its not a big deal as when they where younger.

jimgoose

NuckingFacker wrote: »

I think homophobic people are ghey...

Precisely. Homophobes are frilly-shirt wearing benders. End of.

Mr. Manager

Seeing 2 guys kiss, even on TV, makes me uncomfortable. Does that make me homophobic?

Have no issue what so ever with gay people. All for same sex marriage and same rights etc.

jimgoose

Cereal Rapist wrote: »

Seeing 2 guys kiss, even on TV, makes me uncomfortable. Does that make me homophobic?...

I don't know, but that gives me the heebie-jeebies slightly as well, and I have no problem with gay people either. I would imagine it was never easy being a gay man or woman, particularly of the young variety, in Ireland. Even in the more tolerant and laid-back parts of the country. However, one thing I would say is that we need more lesbians who look less like fifty-year-old lorry drivers and a bit more like some of the young ladies ones sees occasionally on t'Interwebz.

Teyla Emmagan

In the past I would have. Generally older people but also a few around my own age who usually came from backgrounds where just about everything was judged, criticised and frowned upon. And most of those people pretty much thought homosexuality was a disease you could catch. They would literally not want to speak to or be anywhere near a gay person. I see very little of that sort of attitude these days, thank ****. But I'm not sure if that means the homophobes have got over themselves or simply learnt to keep a lid on their prejudices.

Esoteric_

I know plenty of homophobic people. My parents, one sister, some friends... Too many people, really. It's strange though, because one of my friends is probably the most flamboyant, over-the-top, camp, 'stereotypical' gay man you could meet, and my family all love him. One of my close female friends is gay, and my folks and sister all like her, too. They seem to accept it if it's a friend of the family, but random people on the street holding hands, if they're a same sex couple, disgust them. Catholic upbringing, I suppose.

Lelantos

Cereal Rapist wrote: »

Seeing 2 guys kiss, even on TV, makes me uncomfortable. Does that make me homophobic?

Have no issue what so ever with gay people. All for same sex marriage and same rights etc.

It doesn't make you homophobic, but it probably means you've subliminally soaked in a lot of catholic ethos thru years of school & it does have a subconscious effect

jimgoose

Esoteric_ wrote: »

I know plenty of homophobic people. My parents, one sister, some friends... Too many people, really. It's strange though, because one of my friends is probably the most flamboyant, over-the-top, camp, 'stereotypical' gay man you could meet, and my family all love him. One of my close female friends is gay, and my folks and sister all like her, too. They seem to accept it if it's a friend of the family, but random people on the street holding hands, if they're a same sex couple, disgust them. Catholic upbringing, I suppose.

Well you'd wonder if those folks are actually homophobic, or if it's merely that their thinking has been skewed somewhat by a protracted overdose of Catholicism? And is there a difference??

drunkmonkey

Seems to be a lot of heterophobia around these days.

Andy-Pandy

Cereal Rapist wrote: »

Seeing 2 guys kiss, even on TV, makes me uncomfortable. Does that make me homophobic?

Have no issue what so ever with gay people. All for same sex marriage and same rights etc.

I walked in on one guy giving his boyfriend a blowjob the other week. Didnt gross me out, and only made me uncomfortable because i had disturbed them, the same level of uncomfortable that i would experience if it was a hetro couple. We all tried to laugh it off and play it cool, which i think we did. They were a great couple though and obviously very in love.

In saying that, when i was younger i walked in on what i can only describe as a "man sandwich", i ran away and was totally grossed out by the whole thing. I think that in the meantime i've grown up and matured, but also made a lot of very close gay friends. Knowing gay people and witnessing how good their relationships can be completely changes your outlook on them.

Mr. Manager

Lelantos wrote: »

It doesn't make you homophobic, but it probably means you've subliminally soaked in a lot of catholic ethos thru years of school & it does have a subconscious effect

Hmm, dunno. I don't have very religious parents and I'm not very religious myself (only go for weddings & funerals). Didn't exactly grow up in an old school catholic environment either (25 years old).

newballsplease

Not a problem with gay people.

What i DO have a problem with is over the top camp queens.
See example; louis spence.

jimgoose

Andy-Pandy wrote: »

I walked in on...

The horror of blundering into that kind of hardcore how's-your-father completely obviates the matter of the gender of the individuals involved. Personally I'd be too busy trying to figure out how I could jump through the window while maintaining everyone's dignity!

dafunk

jimgoose wrote: »

I don't know, but that gives me the heebie-jeebies slightly as well )

Why?

Thankfully I dont and i wouldn't be friends with or associate with someone who was, homophobism is disgusting, no different to sexism or rascism imo and I wouldn't tolerate it from anyone. I'vee noticed some of my male friends who would never have a problem with an individual over their sexuality but get grossed out at the thought of male to male physical contact, much as some boardies have saif here. Have to admit I wouldnt like to go to bed with a woman but its not something that ever occurs to me when I meet a lesbian.

jimgoose

dafunk wrote: »

Why?...

I don't know. I suppose it's a bit like that time in your childhood when you get an eyeful of your parents going at it. Eeewwwww!!!

Mr. Manager

dafunk wrote: »

Why?

Thankfully I dont and i wouldn't be friends with or associate with someone who was, homophobism is disgusting, no different to sexism or rascism imo and I wouldn't tolerate it from anyone. I'vee noticed some of my male friends who would never have a problem with an individual over their sexuality but get grossed out at the thought of male to male physical contact, much as some boardies have saif here. Have to admit I wouldnt like to go to bed with a woman but its not something that ever occurs to me when I meet a lesbian.

I don't see the issue with being uncomfortable about the whole thing. As long as the person doesn't express that directly or act on it in a physical way.

Handsome Bob

Cereal Rapist wrote: »

Seeing 2 guys kiss, even on TV, makes me uncomfortable. Does that make me homophobic?

Have no issue what so ever with gay people. All for same sex marriage and same rights etc.

Wouldn't say it'd make me feel uncomfortable. If I saw two guys kissing on the street I can admit to being momentarily taken aback, before quickly thinking "fair play to them" and be on my merry way.

I guess we're just not used to seeing it, which is terrible really as it suggests some gay couples may be afraid to come across as just that; a gay couple.

Anyway, I know plenty of people who would be homophobic. Plenty of young men too unfortunately, but I have a feeling that most could care less and are just going along with the more vocal ones.

DeanAustin

Andy-Pandy wrote: »

I walked in on one guy giving his boyfriend a blowjob the other week. Didnt gross me out, and only made me uncomfortable because i had disturbed them, the same level of uncomfortable that i would experience if it was a hetro couple. We all tried to laugh it off and play it cool, which i think we did. They were a great couple though and obviously very in love.

In saying that, when i was younger i walked in on what i can only describe as a "man sandwich", i ran away and was totally grossed out by the whole thing. I think that in the meantime i've grown up and matured, but also made a lot of very close gay friends. Knowing gay people and witnessing how good their relationships can be completely changes your outlook on them.

That's a whole lot of coincidence...peeping Tom by any chance?

I don't think I know any, no. Like Cereal Rapist, my Dad would be "ickied out" if he saw two men kissing, but that's about it. I was brought up so bloody well. From early early on I knew that if I was gay there would be no "coming out" to my parents, that I was what I was and that was that. Thinking back, and I've only just copped onto this, I wasn't a typical girl growing up. I was into football and cars, I had posters of Damon Hill and Man Utd on my wall instead of Take That or New Kids on the Block. I wanted to be a mechanic when I grew up - so perhaps my parents "oh, not a typical girl, maybe she's a lesbian" and tried to make me comfortable with it :pac:

I don't get homophobia and I never will. I don't get what difference anyone's race/nationality/sexuality has got to do with how they are judged or treated. It's something that really boils my blood tbh. Live and let live like, life is too bloody short.

Omackeral

You would have to snigger at people blaming a Catholic upbringing on their homophobia (and intolerance of things against the norm) considering the less than spotless track record of some clergy members when it comes to sex..

Dravokivich

I think homophobic is a terrible word for it. It's not about being afraid of homosexuals, it's about being bias against them. You don't call a racist raciphobic.

jank

To have this discussion we have to define what homophobia is, which clearly some people dont know.

Teyla Emmagan

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I don't think I know any, no. Like Cereal Rapist, my Dad would be "ickied out" if he saw two men kissing, but that's about it. I was brought up so bloody well. From early early on I knew that if I was gay there would be no "coming out" to my parents, that I was what I was and that was that. Thinking back, and I've only just copped onto this, I wasn't a typical girl growing up. I was into football and cars, I had posters of Damon Hill and Man Utd on my wall instead of Take That or New Kids on the Block. I wanted to be a mechanic when I grew up - so perhaps my parents "oh, not a typical girl, maybe she's a lesbian" and tried to make me comfortable with it :pac:

I don't get homophobia and I never will. I don't get what difference anyone's race/nationality/sexuality has got to do with how they are judged or treated. It's something that really boils my blood tbh. Live and let live like, life is too bloody short.

Jeez, I just remember I had a dream about you last night whoops. You had shorts on and two blonde plaits. Given that you had a bag over your head in the only photo I ever saw of you I find this odd.

Clearly I'm spending too much time on Boards if I'm now dreaming about people I've never met.

Teyla Emmagan

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Jeez, I just remember I had a dream about you last night whoops. You had shorts on and two blonde plaits. Given that you had a bag over your head in the only photo I ever saw of you I find this odd.

Clearly I'm spending too much time on Boards if I'm now dreaming about people I've never met.

That wasn't a bag, it was a rudolph hat

:pac:

Mr. Manager

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Jeez, I just remember I had a dream about you last night whoops. You had shorts on and two blonde plaits. Given that you had a bag over your head in the only photo I ever saw of you I find this odd.

Clearly I'm spending too much time on Boards if I'm now dreaming about people I've never met.

Go on...

floggg

minidazzler wrote: »

Depends on the definition. I know plenty of lads, including myself, who will tell gay jokes* and such. Or call a guy gay for the slightest thing, but I've no fear, hatred or dislike of gay people for being gay, they are after all, just people. I do know that there are plenty of people that would see me as a bigot for just telling gay jokes, but I honestly don't care. I know how I feel about people, and that's what matters.

For actual Homophobes who hate/fear the Gay, I know a few, and I really really hate them.

*I will tell the jokes to the face of a gay person, in the same way I'll tell a joke about disabled people to my sister, if I know they'll take it in the light hearted manner that I mean it, I will do it.

I fully accept that you might make those jokes not out of any form of homophobia or dislike/animosity, but because they can be funny.

Thing is, while many of us who are out and confident in ourselves will think absolutely nothing of them, for any gay person who's closeted or insecure in themselves, hearing "that's so gay" or gay jokes reinforces the idea that there is something wrong or different about being gay, or that you can't really be gay and be just one of the lads.

And since you can never always tell who might be in that position, you can unwittingly cause a lot of hurt.

I came out at 26 and not one person I knew saw it coming. Heck, I joined in on the gay jokes for cover often enough.

So while its playful banter for most, it can cause some people a lot of unnecessary pain and grief.

HowAreWe

College student here, I know a few lads who are extremely homophobic to the point that if they were being flirted with they would lash out.... (closet gay's, who knows?...) I find that over the top attitude makes me very uncomfortable around them, to be so angry towards someone because of their sexual orientation is something I can't comprehend.

I have a few gay friends myself in fact my best friend is bi-sexual and it's something I've always known. Another one actually thought I was gay and flirted with me on a night out and when I copped on and I told him, we laughed it off and we're friends since and it isn't awkward at all for me.

I wouldn't be grossed out by two men kissing in public or on tv, it's just a kiss.

Two men having sex in front of me now would make me uncomfortable, that doesn't make me a homophobe. It's just not what I'm in to. Same way if I witnessed an unattractive girl doing "it", I'm just not attracted to that. Doesn't mean I fear or hate unattractive girls? That might sound shallow but I'm just trying to make a point/comparison.

Anyway tl;dr, Yes I know many homophobic people unfortunately and it's something I see quite often.

jimgoose

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Jeez, I just remember I had a dream about you last night whoops. You had shorts on and two blonde plaits. Given that you had a bag over your head in the only photo I ever saw of you I find this odd...

Madam, I wish to subscribe to your newsletter or pamphlet.

Love2love

I don't think I know any. That's why I was shocked at the Journal poll someone posted here last week. I have a huge extended family and I'd say 6/7 are gay so we've just lived with it never realising that some people considered it wrong. My brother was a little freaked out when I bought my son a toy kitchen for his 3rd birthday. He understood though when he's own son asked for one the following Christmas I think a lot of people are fine with it and just put on a macho face because that what they think there suppose to do

Mr. Manager

My junior in work is gay and I openly mock him for it in a joking manner and at every chance, I slip in the gay seal meme. If there was any inclination that it bothered him, I'd stop.

seamus

HowAreWe wrote: »

College student here, I know a few lads who are extremely homophobic to the point that if they were being flirted with they would lash out.... (closet gay's, who knows?...)

Generally my theory is that the more extreme someone's reaction to homosexuality, the more confused they are about their own sexuality. That doesn't necessarily mean that they're gay, but they may feel like they still need to "prove" that they're not gay in front of their peers.

I don't necessarily think that the older people get, the less homophobic they become, just the more secure they become in their own sexuality. School and college are times when plenty of people still haven't "proven" themselves sexually and are either uncertain themselves, or are worried about how they appear in front of their mates.

You can be fairly certain that all of the big guys who have extreme reactions about gay men, have no problems with lesbian porn. This shows that it's not homosexuality in principle they have a problem with, instead they see gay men as some kind of attack on their own sexuality. "I have a problem with really camp gay men". Why? What does it matter how someone else conducts themself? Does it make you uncomfortable? Why?

Older people would still be the most outwardly homophobic. They've been softened by time and the realisation that so many of their idols from the 60's to the 90's have come out as gay, but they will still have some deep core of distrust in them which has been there a long time. Even the most gay-friendly older people I know (50+) would still draw a breath between closed teeth if you brought up the issue of gay marriage.

CdeC

Andy-Pandy wrote: »

I walked in on one guy giving his boyfriend a blowjob the other week. Didnt gross me out, and only made me uncomfortable because i had disturbed them, the same level of uncomfortable that i would experience if it was a hetro couple. We all tried to laugh it off and play it cool, which i think we did. They were a great couple though and obviously very in love.

In saying that, when i was younger i walked in on what i can only describe as a "man sandwich", i ran away and was totally grossed out by the whole thing. I think that in the meantime i've grown up and matured, but also made a lot of very close gay friends. Knowing gay people and witnessing how good their relationships can be completely changes your outlook on them.

My advice, stop moving into gay bathhouses.

OP, if you are hanging out with people who are ripping on people behind their back then steer clear. Guranteed they're doing the same to you.

People can feel uncomfortable with what their not used to. When I was first going to clubs the sight of two men kissing was weird for me too.
To be honest I find that when straight guys go "uck men kissing freaks me out". I question why does it bring on any emotional response.
TBH I think it is the very small "gay" side of themselves rearing it's head and their reaction is to supress it with disgust.

A normal reaction should be either "I like that" or indifference.

GalwayGuy2

My junior in work is gay and I openly mock him for it in a joking manner and at every chance, I slip in the gay seal meme. If there was any inclination that it bothered him, I'd stop.

You're kind of opening yourself to trouble there:P


To a certain extent, I wouldn't class anybody under 16 homophobia, unless it's extreme. I'd class what they were saying as homophobic, but not they themselves.

Hmmm, I wonder is having a stereotype of gay men as being high-pitched, bright clothes, and feminine is Homophobia? While there's nothing wrong with fitting that stereotype, it is a stereotype.

Tbh, I think a lot of lesbian women face homophobia. I've seen women get very, very awkward around a few lesbian women I know. But, admittedly, you'd probably get awkward around anybody who's glancing down at her chest.

Any Lesbian women face any homophobia here?

Tbh, I'd class one incident as me being homophobic. This foreign fella randomly asked me to sit beside him on the bus, and I thought he just came from a laid back culture and I thought sure why not.

He kept making conversation and leaning in very, very close and staring deep into my eyes. And grabbed my nose a few times in a playful manner. And stroked the back of my hand.

Mind you, maybe it's just a cultural thing. But I got very awkward when I thought he was coming on to me. I wonder, would that be homophobia? Whether he was gay or not, I didn't really know how to handle the situation?

EDIT: Tbh, there's a difference between Gay jokes that are derogatory, and just jokes that represent various facets of what it is to be gay.

seamus

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

But I got very awkward when I thought he was coming on to me. I wonder, would that be homophobia? Whether he was gay or not, I didn't really know how to handle the situation?

I don't think that's homophobia. If you were a woman you would likely feel just as uncomfortable dealing with such advances, same as if some big lady in her fifties was doing it to you.

Men are probably less used to dealing with overtly inappropriate attention than women are, as women tend not to sit beside you and grope you in public. But either way, most people will get uncomfortable because you don't want to embarrass anyone - if you tell the person to back off and then discover they're not interested in you, then that's embarrassing. If they make a move and get shot down, that's still embarrassing, and then you may still have to share a bus with them

Crooked Jack

floggg wrote: »

I fully accept that you might make those jokes not out of any form of homophobia or dislike/animosity, but because they can be funny.

Thing is, while many of us who are out and confident in ourselves will think absolutely nothing of them, for any gay person who's closeted or insecure in themselves, hearing "that's so gay" or gay jokes reinforces the idea that there is something wrong or different about being gay, or that you can't really be gay and be just one of the lads.

And since you can never always tell who might be in that position, you can unwittingly cause a lot of hurt.

I came out at 26 and not one person I knew saw it coming. Heck, I joined in on the gay jokes for cover often enough.

So while its playful banter for most, it can cause some people a lot of unnecessary pain and grief.

So what exactly are you saying here? That people shouldnt make gay jokes or just making an observation that some people might be offended by them? Because if we're going to go banning every joke that upsets somebody, somewhere, we're gonna end up with a pretty boring world.

As for the OP, I dont think I know any outright homophobes and i think, particularly among my generation, they'd be a rarity.
Now with that said, as a few posters have pointed out, me and my friends would do the odd gay joke or slagging but there's not malice or hatred involved.
I know a few older people, uncles and that, who, while I doubt they hate gay people, would probably find the idea of the whole thing disgusting and would throw out the odd "sure he's a queer" or whatever.

It really depends what you mean by homophobia. Gay bashers - no. People not entirely comfortable with the whole thing - a few older people.

Lelantos

Cereal Rapist wrote: »

My junior in work is gay and I openly mock him for it in a joking manner and at every chance, I slip in the gay seal meme. If there was any inclination that it bothered him, I'd stop.

That could be classed as workplace bullying. Why do you feel the need to mock him about his sexuality.

drunkmonkey

No I don't know any outwardly homophobic people. I know some people who'd be uncomfortable watching two guys kiss and guys who'd be uncomfortable with another guy coming onto them. But actually hating gay people? No, thankfully I don't know anyone like that.

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Seems to be a lot of heterophobia around these days.

Yeah, look at all those anti-straight laws they're passing in Russia these days. Not to mention the number of straight-bashings happening around the world....it's really a terrible time to be heterosexual. :rolleyes:

Mr. Manager

Lelantos wrote: »

That could be classed as workplace bullying. Why do you feel the need to mock him about his sexuality.

Because I'm a big office bully and that's what I do. :rolleyes:
We're friends.

floggg

newballsplease wrote: »

Not a problem with gay people.

What i DO have a problem with is over the top camp queens.
See example; louis spence.

I hate this bull****.

People saying the dont hate gay people/arent homophobic but then feeling the need to go out of their way that to point out that there are certain types of gay stereotypes they do hate.

What the **** is the point?

It annoys me on many levels, none of which ill probably articulate as well as I should.

Firstly, you get extremes of all types of personalities. If you look at TV you'll see plenty over the top caricatures of straight white people on TV (the entire cast of Geordie Shore, Valleys etc for a start).

The fact that straight tossers exist doesn't mean I have to caveat my acceptance of straight people.

Secondly, the whole idea of having no problem with gay people - as long as they conform to certain expectations or behaviours is offensive.

Thirdly, why the hell do people tend to focus on their sexuality when they think of camp people that they don't link.

Really, it's their personality that annoys you not their sexuality. But still, they will link their personality to their homosexuality, and they will also link homosexuality to the camp gays.

It's dismissive of the person if they are always just reduced to their sexuality.

And it's dismissive to the broad range of gay people out there and their differing personalities that you think gay and you automatically think of just one type of person.



And while I'm at it, the whole "I'm not homophobic but gay people kissing makes me a bit sick" thing?

Again, why do you need to tell us.

If you're not homophobic, then you surely believe we have as much right to do it as you do.

If you don't want to see it, don't look. It's fairly rare you'll see it one the street, and certainly very significantly less often then you'll see straight people at it.

And if you don't want to think about it, then don't.

But why are you going out of you're way to point out to us that you think any physical expression of affection between two gay people turns your stomach?

It's hardly going to feel better about ourselves is it?



I think the two messages (don't like camp men/don't like two guys at it) is kinda giving the message that you are ok with us having the right to be ourselves in principle, but you don't want to ever be reminded that we exist - be it through seeing somebody too loudly expressing a personality which differs from accepted gender norms and conventions, or by being forced to see two men express the same type of affection for each other that straight couples do every day of the week.


Oddly, lesbians never really get thought of in this conversations.

RikkFlair

The most outspoken homophobes ARE gay....did ye not watch American Beauty? :pac:

floggg

Cereal Rapist wrote: »

My junior in work is gay and I openly mock him for it in a joking manner and at every chance, I slip in the gay seal meme. If there was any inclination that it bothered him, I'd stop.

He's you're junior - even if it did bother him, would he full comfortable saying anything?

And depending on how openly you do it, even if he thinks its some hilarious banter, what if somebody else (closeted maybe) was hearing it too and soaking in an unintended message.

The "out" gays generally take it for what it is, a bit of juvenile banter (I don't mean that in a dismissive way - it's my favourite kind).

It's the closet cases who it hurts though - the people who already maybe loathe their sexuality or think there's something wrong with them. Hearing that sort of banter can often reinforce their own misconceptions and insecurities in their head, which can cause them a fair deal of hurt and grief until they can finally deal with them.


And finally, is it wise for you to be playfully mocking a junior employee on grounds of sexual orientation. If the wrong person heard it (HR), could be trouble for you.

Or he could just be really sneaky and is laughing manically as he builds his HR complaint and measures your office for new drapes....

Teyla Emmagan

Cereal Rapist wrote: »

Go on...

jimgoose wrote: »

Madam, I wish to subscribe to your newsletter or pamphlet.

It was all totally innocent I'm afraid!

Czarcasm

The whole "catholic upbringing" for me is a load of shyte, it just gives people a way of making sense of their own inherent bias. Some shít is just ick for people, doesn't need explaining. I'm tired of the silly labelling just as I am of the whole "them quares" nonsense.

I won't say I know plenty of gay people, it's not ever the first question I ask when I meet somebody, but when a guy's cupping my ballsac in the club, it's usually a clue! :pac:

I know of a few gay men and, gas actually, now I think of it, my brother in law is gay, living over in London since the early 90's (remember those, you think homophobia is bad now, it was RIFE back then, and people weren't afraid about letting it be known either, it's one of the reasons WHY my brother in law moved to London!), like your typical straight couple though, himself and the boyfriend were supposed to be getting married last year, but they've put the wedding off, again! I don't mind though, because I hate travelling outside Ireland, but hey, a party's a party, so I don't really mind! His mum knows he's gay as he's told her, and he's told my wife, who's told me "in strictest confidence now Czarcasm!", my reaction was pretty much "You don't saaaay... :pac:". Thankfully her brother has never tried to have that conversation with me as I feel he'd be rather disappointed by my lack of a reaction. I'm fairly close to him already I guess and that just, well, I guess it's just one of those unsaid but understood kinda things. I don't think he feels the need to do the whole "coming out" thing.

I'm not a big fan of PDAs anyway, so be they gay or straight, it just gives me a pain in my face seeing two grown adults holding hands like children. In the club I couldn't care less who's chewing the face off who, except if I'm there on my own and nobody wants to play chewy faces with me

Kidding, I'm kidding, but I do remember one of my mates who is gay (going back to the 90's again), and we were in the club, and we'd gone out as a foursome, so my girlfriend at the time was dancing with his boyfriend, and we were there having the few drinks and next thing the guy started coming on fairly strong, so just by way of giving him the hint I said "first time here with my girlfriend"... He pips up Kenneth Whatshisname style "Ohhh, so you usually come with men then?"... I just, I laughed, I facepalmed, I was píssed off at the cheeky little shít, all in one, definitely one of those "you had to be there" moments!

OP try not to stress too much about it, people are people and you'll meet all sorts, best to take their opinion with a pinch of salt.

corklad12

corklad12 wrote: »

So would you have experienced many homophobic people or would you consider yourself?

Before I got together with the girls we each of course had our own circle of friends. When we all got together it was interesting to see the reaction some of those "friends" had to it.

Some simply would never speak to us again and still never have. One guy friend of one of the girls came around to where I was living at the time and proceeded to try to express his opinion about our relationship using his fist and my face. That did not go well for him. One girl we told together pretty much - and I am almost not exageratting here - turned red with rage and was pretty much frothing at the mouth. That phrase you read often in books "Eyes flashed with anger" - it was the first time I really saw that very thing first hand.

Most of our friends were grand with it - do not get me wrong - this was a small minority - but the reactions were much more vehement and - memorable - than anything we had expected or predicted.

A few other friends had - issues I guess - with it. Again a minority. They would hang around us like normal in pubs or whatever but some - one girl in particular - would never miss a chance to make some snide and demeaning reference to our relationship whenever a chance presented itself.

We just let it slide for the most part. And in fact that girl in particular went through a massive spot of bother with her fella (violence, horrific, explosive break up, kicked her out of the house) and we showed up with a mates removal van - really helped her out - put her up in our house for 2 weeks while she sorted herself out - were really just _there_ for her.

She never really did apologise for her snide comments and behaviour in the past but at one of my monthly house parties she once said something along the lines of "I really love coming to your house you know - when I am here its just - just - love. Its like one big ball of love. I have learned a lot from you". We took that as a round about apology from her and that she had changed massively since the beginning.

The girls parents of course had their suspicions - problems - and worries when we first got together. But it eased over time - especially now we have our first child as a threesome which has proved to be a massive bonding point for all the parents - even the "non biological grandparents" who see themselves as every bit "real" a pair of grand parents as the actual ones and are massively keen to see the day when their daughter makes it really real for them.

For the most part though the answer to your question is that we experience homophobia very very little. It has been there - and it has been vehement when it has surfaced - including the occasional guy in pubs who having copped our "dynamic" feels it is his role in life to exact chivalry violently upon me - usually not ending well for him - but for the most part not much I am glad to say.

floggg

Crooked Jack wrote: »

So what exactly are you saying here? That people shouldnt make gay jokes or just making an observation that some people might be offended by them? Because if we're going to go banning every joke that upsets somebody, somewhere, we're gonna end up with a pretty boring world.

As for the OP, I dont think I know any outright homophobes and i think, particularly among my generation, they'd be a rarity.
Now with that said, as a few posters have pointed out, me and my friends would do the odd gay joke or slagging but there's not malice or hatred involved.
I know a few older people, uncles and that, who, while I doubt they hate gay people, would probably find the idea of the whole thing disgusting and would throw out the odd "sure he's a queer" or whatever.

It really depends what you mean by homophobia. Gay bashers - no. People not entirely comfortable with the whole thing - a few older people.

It's up to you what jokes you want to make. I'm not going to stop you.

What I am saying is that what you might think is a slightly juvenile but harmful joke can cause some people a lot of hurt.

It could be one of your close friends you don't know is gay - believe me there are plenty of us who came out in mid-20s or even much later who shocked everybody who thought we were straight.

So those jokes can actually be quite hurtful if told in front of the wrong person, and even as a general point reinforce the idea that being gay is something negative.

Now, that all being said, it's up to you what to do with that info. You can certainly keep making them - just do so knowing that there is a risk your actually intentionally causing someone a lot of hurt.