I've Just Eaten My Dad's Girlfriend's Crisps

The Backwards Man

Whoops!

Stayin in the old lad's house for a couple of weeks, he has a new girlfriend of a few weeks, and she has the press full of Tayto, which has never happened in my Dad's house before. I came home from the pub full of the munchies and I've gone through two packets of them already.:o I want my Dad to be happy and all and I don't want to make a bad impression, so how do I make this right. She gets up around 6, and with me being half full I can't replenish the stocks before that.

Anyone have any ideas for me?

Crooked Jack

Thread was goin a whole other direction before i read "crisps"

efb

24 hour garage. Unless this is a metaphor... Cheese & Onion?

Staple the packets back together. Let Tayto deal with her.

u_c_thesecond

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Whoops!

Stayin in the old lad's house for a couple of weeks, he has a new girlfriend of a few weeks, and she has the press full of Tayto, which has never happened in my Dad's house before. I came home from the pub full of the munchies and I've gone through two packets of them already.:o I want my Dad to be happy and all and I don't want to make a bad impression, so how do I make this right. She gets up around 6, and with me being half full I can't replenish the stocks before that.

Anyone have any ideas for me?

Your gonna have to shag her- its the only way !

Dartz

Keep eating.

The Backwards Man

efb wrote: »

24 hour garage. Unless this is a metaphor... Cheese & Onion?

The nearest 24 hour garage is 30 miles away. I'm drinking and there are no taxis available for some reason.:(

KeithM89

Arson is the only solution here.

Ihatecuddles-old

Eat them all, hide the packets under your bed. She might think she's crazy.

efb

The Backwards Man wrote: »

The nearest 24 hour garage is 30 miles away. I'm drinking and there are no taxis available for some reason.:(

30 miles???? where do you live? Donegal?

The Backwards Man

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Eat them all, hide the packets under your bed. She might think she's crazy.

There's like five packets. I've eaten two. This is the worst predicament I've ever been in in my entire life.:(

hfallada

Tell her you are diabetic and were trying to control your blood sugar ( I know it generally only relates to chocolate, sweets etc). But hopefully she isn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

I remember being drunk at a boring party with a group of friends and eating the girls entire christmas shopping like mince pies, Terry's chocolate orange, prigles and said nothing to the girl.

The Backwards Man

efb wrote: »

30 miles???? where do you live? Donegal?

Ihatecuddles-old

If she says anything, just say she's looking a bit porky and you don't want your dad going out with a fatty!

Crooked Jack

Do a Shaggy - It Wasnt Me

The Backwards Man

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

If she says anything, just say she's looking a bit porky and you don't want your dad going out with a fatty!

Na, she's pretty fine in fairness for an oul wan, I'd never get away with that. Just have to bite the bullet I guess.

Halfway through the third packet now!

efb

The Backwards Man wrote: »

There's like five packets. I've eaten two. This is the worst predicament I've ever been in in my entire life.:(

Might as well shag her so*, In for a penny?

April O Neill

Scylla wrote: »

Arson is the only solution here.

Yup, agreed. None of this owning up to things nonsense.


:pac:

endacl

I'll take the hit. Tell her I owned up to sneaking in and munchin' down on the tayto. Tell her I ate them all. This means you can now go ahead and finish them.

You owe me.

Big time.

meoklmrk91

In fairness if she gets pissed off over a few packets of Taytos then she's probably not a keeper, just apologise and laugh it off, tell her that you'll pop out and replace them and pick up something else she likes, some chocolate or something.

I stole my fathers girlfriends toothbrush, it was new and in the packaging and I lost mine so I stole it. Don't really care as she is a racist gowl with illusions of grandeur, couldn't care less about the impression it left of me, I doubt I'm good enough for her anyway and that's just the way I like it.

dodderangler

Anyone else think crisps was new word young people use for a vagina??

monkeynuz

Eat the crisps and leave money for replacements in the empty space then go to sleep and worry about it tomorrow.

Mr.Prodston

Just blame it on the heat, who knows maybe they did actually disintegrate? Failing that tell her you put them in the safe.

monkeynuz

Or rather later today

efb

dodderangler wrote: »

Anyone else think crisps was new word young people use for a vagina??

all of us, I thought it may have been infected though, crusty...

The Backwards Man

endacl wrote: »

I'll take the hit. Tell her I owned up to sneaking in and munchin' down on the tayto. Tell her I ate them all. This means you can now go ahead and finish them.

You owe me.

Big time.

My knight in shining armour!

*swoon*

I think she has them on her toast for breakfast though, so we still have to replace them.

endacl

Does it have to be tayto? Or would king or hunky dory do?

efb

The Backwards Man wrote: »

My knight in shining armour!

*swoon*

I think she has them on her toast for breakfast though, so we still have to replace them.

crisps on toast for breakfast????

Congrats, someone's gonna be a (half) brother!

Hank Scorpio

Drink a bottle of man up to wash those crisps down

CastingCouch

Is she hot?

OP willing to do a 60 mile round-trip in a taxi to buy two packs of Tayto.. Mad.

The Backwards Man

efb wrote: »

Might as well shag her so*, In for a penny?

No, midnight crisp-stealing aside, I am a perfect gentleman and would never steal my father's girlfriend.

He wouldn't think twice though if it was the other way round, the horny bastard!:pac:

endacl

Is there any way you could frame your old man for the crime?

The Backwards Man

CastingCouch wrote: »

Is she hot?

Have you been following AH this week?

There's a heatwave, everyone is hot!:pac:

efb

The Backwards Man wrote: »

No, midnight crisp-stealing aside, I am a perfect gentleman and would never steal my father's girlfriend.

He wouldn't think twice though if it was the other way round, the horny bastard!:pac:

Can't imagine that situation arises much :pac:

The Backwards Man

endacl wrote: »

Is there any way you could frame your old man for the crime?

Maybe if I opened the bedroom door a wee bit and throw the empty packets in.

But what if they are in the throes of passion? It's one thing being a glutton or a pervert, being a gluttonous pervert is on a whole other level.

efb

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Maybe if I opened the bedroom door a wee bit and throw the empty packets in.

But what if they are in the throes of passion? It's one thing being a glutton or a pervert, being a gluttonous pervert is on a whole other level.

This is fcuking Freudian

The Backwards Man

efb wrote: »

This is fcuking Freudian

Maybe I should post this in the Psychology forum.

For the laugh like?

One Hunky Dory sour cream and onion and one Tayto cheese and onion left, what to do, what to do??

jebus84

this is making me hungry

LizT

The Backwards Man wrote: »

One Hunky Dory sour cream and onion and one Tayto cheese and onion left, what to do, what to do??

Eat them as well.

Ihatecuddles-old

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Maybe I should post this in the Psychology forum.

For the laugh like?

One Hunky Dory sour cream and onion and one Tayto cheese and onion left, what to do, what to do??

Make an amazing crisp sandwich. Or pour them in one bag, smash the bag up and pour them in your mouth.

I love crisps.

Mr.Prodston

OP will be in a right pickle tomorrow tee-hee-hee

efb

I have heartburn reading this, and Gavin's left

endacl

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Maybe if I opened the bedroom door a wee bit and throw the empty packets in.

But what if they are in the throes of passion? It's one thing being a glutton or a pervert, being a gluttonous pervert is on a whole other level.

Easy. Sneak up and do that old 'glass against the door' trick to see if you hear them shagging. You'll know if the coast is clear, and it wouldn't be weird at all.

1ZRed

Just tell her is better you're eating all those big, nasty, empty calories instead of her having to deal with it.

Look at that, with a bit of positive thinking you've done her a favour.

Go tell her that :P

Ihatecuddles-old

efb wrote: »

I have heartburn reading this, and Gavin's left

My mate died from heartburn....can't believe Gav is gone.

efb

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

My mate died from heartburn....can't believe Gav is gone.

yes.

dodderangler

Tell her this racoon came in and took them
http://youtu.be/AWSI4hCF9Eo

Kylo Ren

Offer her cunnilingus. Brush your teeth first though, and after!

The Backwards Man

LizT wrote: »

Eat them as well.

Nah, I'm heading to bed with a mandarin orange, maybe I'll have one more beer for the stairs first.:)

efb

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Nah, I'm heading to bed with a mandarin orange, maybe I'll have one more beer for the stairs first.:)

will you take a rest halfway up?