babies, money and work, the tired old question

forgetmenots

I know this has probably been done to death but I'd love to hear people's experiences of what happened to their work/career/money/independence after they had children. My fiance and I are planning a baby and I'm unemployed at the moment. I have qualifications and work experience but both have amounted to little in this economy so I've had to work a long string of temporary contracts, none of which led to a permanent job. I'm 32 so I can't wait until I get a brilliant job, because that may never happen. Not looking for advice, would just like to know how other women dealt with things. My fiance is far from well off, we only just get by. It all seems really, really stressful and yet mums just seem to manage...how did ye do it?

lazygal

Most people juggle finances, parenting and their relationship reasonably well.

It will change your relationship dynamic - how much and whether this is positive or negatiev depends on how you deal with any other big changes as a couple. I didn't find it as drastic a change as others.

If you wait for the 'right' time you'll be waiting forever. We're expecting number two. We didn't wait too long because we know too many people with primary and/or secondary fertility issues. I want to complete my family before a cetain age. I'll take a few busy years of nappies over being subjected to fertility treatment and heartache.

I like being back at work, I like having my own identity outside being a parent. Not everyone feels that way.


In short, I guess like most life changes, until you're in the zone you can't predict things. We have an easygoing baby and are way more laid back about many things than we thought. We might have a trickier time with the next one, or we might sail through it like first time around. But there's no guarantees in life.

CathyMoran

You manage somehow but the joy that you get from your little ones carries you through it all. Have a 2 and 3 year old and being with them has been the happiest times of my life.

Teyla Emmagan

Never mind waiting for the ideal job, go ahead and have your babies. Because by the time you start trying you could discover it takes years to get pregnant, so if I were you I would start trying earlier rather than later. And, as you say, you're not missing out on any amazing career opportunities at the moment.

I don't have kids, but I do know that parents always find a way to cope financially, no matter how hard it is. And by the time your babies are in school the economy may have taken off again, you could walk into a brilliant job.

Neyite

When they are babies and toddlers they dont need much. You can be savvy and use hand-me-downs and shop secondhand for immaculate quality. You could have the place littered with toys and a baby will get hours of play out of a box and some basic shapes. Currently our guy ignores the play centre area on the floor set up for him and is entertained by magnets on the fridge or his box of socks.

Its when kids reach school age that the unavoidable costs start to creep in.

December2012

Neyite wrote: »

When they are babies and toddlers they dont need much. You can be savvy and use hand-me-downs and shop secondhand for immaculate quality. You could have the place littered with toys and a baby will get hours of play out of a box and some basic shapes. Currently our guy ignores the play centre area on the floor set up for him and is entertained by magnets on the fridge or his box of socks.

Its when kids reach school age that the unavoidable costs start to creep in.

I would add to this point that at school age your childcare bills should go down. A crèche will charge 60% or thereabouts of a full time place for an after school place.

My tip is save as much money as possible, having babies is expensive, but of course it's doable.

December2012

As regards work, I found it very tiring having two jobs - a mother with a paid job is still a full time mam even if the kids are being minded in crèche. It can be difficult trying to fit all your family time and essential chores like shopping and cleaning in around it.

But it's very worthwhile.

I loved being at work, now I love being at home.

Nobody knows what's in the future.

I would recommend you both do your upskilling and retraining now, you really don't have time during baby's infancy.

CathyMoran

December2012 wrote: »

As regards work, I found it very tiring having two jobs - a mother with a paid job is still a full time mam even if the kids are being minded in crèche.

Unfair generalization there, my husband does a lot.

It is tough balancing it all - being a parent is far harder than working but is far more rewarding. If I could have I would have preferred to be at home full time until mine went into 1st class - creche is great but spending time with your children is priceless.

December2012

CathyMoran wrote: »

Unfair generalization there, my husband does a lot.

It is tough balancing it all - being a parent is far harder than working but is far more rewarding. If I could have I would have preferred to be at home full time until mine went into 1st class - creche is great but spending time with your children is priceless.

I didnt make any generalization! i didn't assume the husband wouldn't be doing his share - mine did. And he works full time with his own business.

My point is that your concerns or obligations towards your child don't turn off when you're in work.

Your family time does get impacted by the things that need to be done, such as shopping and housework. Online grocery shopping is fantastic, and a cleaner is great if you can afford one for the big cleaning, but there's always laundry to be done and toys to be tidied.