My Neighbour and her 'personal sounds'

Augmerson

To sum things up: My neighbour seems to masturbate a lot. This is a perfectly normal human thing to do I feel. Everybody does it and that is their own business.

However I draw the line in doing it loudly. I'm sitting here on a nice Sunday morning, playing videogames and eating heaps of Honey Nut Loops. Life is good. Then it begins. At first I think someone is injured outside or nearby. Then possible the Undead have risen. But then it gets louder. So I turn on my own music to drown out the 'special effects' and THE ****ER GOES LOUDER. WHAT THE ****?!

It happens at all times of the day and night. Last week it was 3 in the morning when I had to be up at 6. How do you even approach someone to tell them to quiet down because you can hear them? Do I leave a sticky note on the door? Maybe a gag or something?

If you can't be playing Pro Evolution in peace on a Sunday like the Lord God envisioned, what is the point?

therecklessone

Could you not pop around and offer to help out? Or at least spanner one out while she's on the job?

harvester of sorrow

Call over and ask her does she need a hand......duh like.

caustic 1

sorry will keep it down in future

Agricola

Augmerson wrote: »

Do I leave a sticky note on the door?

hehehe

Banjo String

Augmerson wrote: »

To sum things up: My neighbour seems to masturbate a lot. This is a perfectly normal human thing to do I feel. Everybody does it and that is their own business.

However I draw the line in doing it loudly. I'm sitting here on a nice Sunday morning, playing videogames and eating heaps of Honey Nut Loops. Life is good. Then it begins. At first I think someone is injured outside or nearby. Then possible the Undead have risen. But then it gets louder. So I turn on my own music to drown out the 'special effects' and THE ****ER GOES LOUDER. WHAT THE ****?!

It happens at all times of the day and night. Last week it was 3 in the morning when I had to be up at 6. How do you even approach someone to tell them to quiet down because you can hear them? Do I leave a sticky note on the door? Maybe a gag or something?

If you can't be playing Pro Evolution in peace on a Sunday like the Lord God envisioned, what is the point?

Eh..... doh......


Ask her can you join in and/or watch ffs.

It'd be much more exciting than eating honey nut loops and paying Pac man all alone.

Surprised you had you ask tbh.

Specialun

One would assume she isnt hot?

Sugar Free

harvester of sorrow wrote: »

Call over and ask her does she need a hand......duh like.

No mention of their gender though?

Would personally be even more disturbed if it was a guy!

Edit: thread title says it's a woman, damn mobile browsing!

GalwayGuy2

Not entirely sure if it's a man or a woman :S

But I'm happy/ sad that male masturbation is so quite.

Like knocking out a sneeze...

DipStick McSwindler

This post has been deleted.

ceegee

Sugar Free wrote: »

No mention of their gender though?

Would personally be even more disturbed if it was a guy!

Read the title

Edit: nevermind, just seen your edit

Bruthal

Sugar Free wrote: »

No mention of their gender though?

Would personally be even more disturbed if it was a guy!

The title mentions it.

RossyG

Record them and put them on YouTube with a photo of her face. That should do the trick.

du Maurier

Sugar Free wrote: »

No mention of their gender though?

Would personally be even more disturbed if it was a guy!

Edit: thread title says it's a woman, damn mobile browsing!

My neighbour and her personal sounds?

pharmaton

maybe she's just doing some strenuous yoga :pac:

Clandestine

I wouldn't be at all subtle about asking her/him to keep it down, but I would still say to go over to their house and ask them to keep it down or you'll take further actions. Use euphemisms if you have to.

If they are keeping you up at night this is a real issue, don't ignore it.

Brian2208

sounds like a cry for help to me

wandatowell

I left a note on my neighbours door on Friday when he decided to listen to Dance music all afternoon. No amount of knocking/ring could grab his attention.

I left the note on the front door and eventually he emmm got the message

housetypeb

Just record it and play it back over a good sound system,she will either get the hint or think you're watching porn.

Keith186

Change your WiFi network name to 'Keep the masturbating noise to a minimum please'.

Would love to see her face when she sees it!

Bruthal

wandatowell wrote: »

I left a note on my neighbours door on Friday when he decided to listen to Dance music all afternoon. No amount of knocking/ring could grab his attention.

I left the note on the front door and eventually he emmm got the message

Sounds like some knocking the ring could solve the problem here alright.

OU812

Record her, put it on a CD & post it to her with a note stating "this is what you sound like".

Alternatively, the next couple of times she starts, call 999 & say you think you can hear a woman being attacked at her address. Three visits tops & she'll realise what's going on.

johnnyvegas22

was waiting for someone to say that

Ace Attorney

leave an anonymous note under her door, quit the schlickin yer too loud

The Backwards Man

How do you know that's what she's doing? She night be having cramps in her legs, or nightmares or anything?

wandatowell

Bruthal wrote: »

Sounds like some knocking the ring could solve the problem here alright.

DAMN YOU!!!

Gosub

OK you need to record it and post the clip here... let AH decide what she's doing, whether it's too loud and if she needs help. An address would be good for the latter. :P

Bruthal

Keith186 wrote: »

Change your WiFi network name to 'Keep the masturbating noise to a minimum please'.

Imagine the paranoia on that road

gallag

How do you know she is not having sex, do you monitor who comes and goes?

philstar

who **** loudly???

i reckon she's having sex

Itwasntme.

philstar wrote: »

who **** loudly???

i reckon she's having sex

You don't?

Sea Sharp

Next time you hear it, make similar loud noises from your own house, the point will be taken.

68Murph68

Bruthal wrote: »

Imagine the paranoia on that road

Or if its in an apartment block???

Anyone who lives in an apartment block should really do this for the laugh.

Augmerson

gallag wrote: »

How do you know she is not having sex, do you monitor who comes and goes?

There only seems to be ever one voice. Sometimes it sounds like she is speaking to someone on the phone or on the computer by Skype. But it's just one female voice. I don't monitor who comes in, absolutely none of my business in that regard.

philstar

are you sure she's not having sex OP??

peep in the window the next time

Pumpkinseeds

Augmerson wrote: »

There only seems to be ever one voice. Sometimes it sounds like she is speaking to someone on the phone or on the computer by Skype. But it's just one female voice. I don't monitor who comes in, absolutely none of my business in that regard.

There ya go, she's obviously a phone sex worker:D:D:D

Dr Turk Turkelton

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

There ya go, she's obviously a phone sex worker:D:D:D

Here is her client

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ga1gkSK8_ME

Gatling

Can we all have your address so we can cum around and have a good listen and to help with is she masturbating or riding question

Ann22

Maybe she has a gimp chained up in the cupboard under the stairs:eek:

pharmaton

I was sharing a flat with another woman years ago and every morning and night would hear her go into the bathroom and hear what sounded like her using an electric razor, I figured she had a facial hair problem (she was a bit hairy in fairness) and thought poor girl having to do that every day, must be hard for her.
Until years later when I got my first electric toothbrush and realised she was just brushing her teeth all along.

handlemaster

Why dont you call around next time all innocent... ask her was she alright as you heard some screeking if shes up front and says its phone sex tell her use some lube

Bruthal

gallag wrote: »

do you monitor who comes and goes?

Only the first one by the ..sound of it

**Vai**

How thin are the walls?
Is she deaf?
Are you sure its masturbation?
Gloryhole?

PizzamanIRL

Just rub another one out and forget about it.

Clandestine

Clandestine wrote: »

I wouldn't be at all subtle about asking her/him to keep it down, but I would still say to go over to their house and ask them to keep it down or you'll take further actions. Use euphemisms if you have to.

Tell her you share her appreciation of The Vagina Monologues, but the repetition and the volume are impinging on your much needed rest.

keelanj69

Ring those real girls that advertise themselves on TV3 at night. Hopefully you get through to her and ask her to keep it down.

Too Tough To Die

She's probably just playing FIFA.

mikehunts

Gatling wrote: »

Can we all have your address so we can cum around and have a good listen and to help with is she masturbating or riding question

I am cumming to.

philstar

pharmaton wrote: »

I was sharing a flat with another woman years ago and every morning and night would hear her go into the bathroom and hear what sounded like her using an electric razor, I figured she had a facial hair problem (she was a bit hairy in fairness) and thought poor girl having to do that every day, must be hard for her.
Until years later when I got my first electric toothbrush and realised she was just brushing her teeth all along.

are you sure ??

philstar

philstar wrote: »

are you sure ??

Not even the girly pastel colours negate how terrifying some of those look. :eek:

philstar

^^^^^^^^^^^^

ya, kinda painful lookin