Am I mad to be annoyed?

MrsB2be

1st time poster here
I wanted to see if i'm right to feel upset at this so all opinions welcome!
We booked our wedding for summer next year, it has been booked for 6 months now, all our family and friends know and we're happily saving away. I have a huge family but we are all very close.

A cousin of mine got engaged two weeks ago and has booked the smae venue as me for the month before our wedding?? She met my parents over the weekend and asked if I'd mind. (after it had been booked)
I have told some of my friends/colleagues and they have said they'd be livid? what do you guys think?
I know some people wouldnt think of it as a big deal but I just would not do that to anyone i know?
PS I'm definitly not a bridezilla!!:o

cursai

That is a selfish move on your cousins part. If she knew you had booked there and hadnt planned to do the same before you got ahead of her.

Cathmandooo

That's really horrible, I'd be absolutely raging.

Sadly I don't think there's anything you can do about it, particularly if they booked it knowing you're having yours there.

I'd let them know you're not happy but leave it at that, you don't want to let it put a cloud over your day or over the build up or to cause a family feud. Don't go mad trying to outdo them either, just plan your day as you want it, be happy and everyone will have a great time!

Friends of mine were at our wedding venue the day before our wedding for another friends wedding but they said it was funny how both days were still completely different and great in their own way.

If her guests really enjoy the venue then they could get even more excited about going back for yours!

MrsB2be

Thanks for the replies.

I'll see her at a family do over the next week so if it is brought up I will just say I'm not happy about it but what can I do. If its booked its booked! Annoying though as none of my family had been there before so I was looking forward to them seeing it for the first time

toadfly

Wouldn't bother me at all and don't understand why you're mad? The have every right to book whatever hotel and date they want.

Cathmandooo

TillyGirl wrote: »

Wouldn't bother me at all and don't understand why you're mad? The have every right to book whatever hotel and date they want.

Of course they have every right to book where they want, but clearly the cousin knows it's a rubbish thing to do on someone or she wouldn't have mentioned the op minding or not, which makes it even worse imo.

clint_silver

Cathmandooo wrote: »

Of course they have every right to book where they want, but clearly the cousin knows it's a rubbish thing to do on someone or she wouldn't have mentioned the op minding or not, which makes it even worse imo.

Im with this, Id say the worse thing she could have done was ask was it ok. Why ask? Theres nothing can be done if its booked. If she didnt know and was only told afterwards thats a different story and just unfortunate but if she did know it was booked the month after, booked it herself, and then asked was it ok, its too false.

I wouldnt worry about it either way, some things will go wrong at hers, consider it a dry run for yours then. and maybe dont have the same food though.

John Mason

nah, it wouldnt bother me at all, unless i was having a bespoke, off the wall wedding.

If you are just having a traditional irish white, join the dots, wedding, i really dont see the problem

you could consider it a trial run, to tweak yours to.

i71jskz5xu42pb

MrsB2be wrote: »

PS I'm definitly not a bridezilla!!:o

You're getting your nose out of joint because somebody else is going to be in the same hotel as you a month before hand. Sorry, a shade bridezilla in my books.

Jerrica

Braelyn Crooked Adventurer wrote: »

You're getting your nose out of joint because somebody else is going to be in the same hotel as you a month before hand. Sorry, a shade bridezilla in my books.

Oh quit being so mean, the girl's reaction is entirely valid and normal for someone who has been working hard to save for the big day for six months and so has an emotional and financial investment already. It's not just "somebody else", it's her cousin, which means there will likely be an overlap of family guests.

OP you're not mad to be annoyed, but unfortunately there's not really a whole lot you can do about it. Try as best you can to ignore the fact that your cousin is getting married a month beforehand and just concentrate on planning your own day, which will be equally fun and special in its own right.

Cienciano

I think you're right to be annoyed OP. Why did your cousin not book it for after your wedding? Why did they talk with your mother after they booked it? They should have said it to you before they booked it imho.
It's done now, best thing to do is forget about it and get on with organising your own.

westies4ever

I really hate fancy weddings and have a very low tolerance for 'bridezilla' antics and even I think thats a dirty action. A month before?

If nothing else, a month is not a long time for family members to recover (financially etc) between weddings.

Yes people can get married when thay want and where they want but we all need to be considerate of others feelings regardless of the situation.

My hubbies sister is getting married in September. Her cousin (hubbies niece) got engaged soon after her. She has booked the same venue as hubbies sis but its 10 months later, as she knows the family have a few weddings this year and she doesnt want to put everyone under pressure and being honest, she doesnt want her day to blur into all the others. This I think is a normal way to behave.

If anything OP, your cousin is the bridezilla and not you. Any female around is going to think shes a total cow.

Tell her your pissed off but leave it at that, no sense in bitterness ruining things for yourself.

FutureGuy

bridezilla? Not in the slightest.

That's bollox-acting on behalf of your cousin and you are right to be annoyed by it.

They knew you had it booked and they certainly knew there was a chance you'd be annoyed by it. The fact they booked it even with all that in mind is a sh!tty thing to do.

inmyday

I think you're forgetting why youre getting married. Why don't you make sure you and your husband are happy and have a wonderful day. And be happy for your cousin. And lets hope both couples have happy marriages and grow old together...
Are you really gonna fight with your cousin over this. Life is way too short.

AoifeCork

Ah she completely knew what she was doing. I dont understand why she didn't come to you before booking the venue if you are as close as you say. Irrespective of whether you think OP is being a bridezilla or not, I think the meanest thing here is that her cousin obviously KNEW the OP would be annoyed otherwise she would have been open about it. Sneaky tactics me thinks, OP deserves to feel a little upset.

FutureGuy

MrsB2be wrote: »

1st time poster here
I wanted to see if i'm right to feel upset at this so all opinions welcome!
We booked our wedding for summer next year, it has been booked for 6 months now, all our family and friends know and we're happily saving away. I have a huge family but we are all very close.

A cousin of mine got engaged two weeks ago and has booked the smae venue as me for the month before our wedding?? She met my parents over the weekend and asked if I'd mind. (after it had been booked)
I have told some of my friends/colleagues and they have said they'd be livid? what do you guys think?
I know some people wouldnt think of it as a big deal but I just would not do that to anyone i know?
PS I'm definitly not a bridezilla!!:o

Also, anyone with half a brain in your family will see your cousin for what he/she is. Very bad form.

MrsB2be

Thanks for the replies everyone.
Inmyday - I'm not they type to row or cause row so if she asks if I mind I will say yes and leave it at that.

And I am not forgetting why I am getting married, I cannot wait to marry the love of my life and have a great day with the people we love and who love us, as was said above I just thought it was a bit of a sneaky move and something I personally would'nt do.

We wanted to get married this year but there was already 1 family wedding and 2 close friends so I wouldnt put that financial pressure on anybody!

Thanks again guys, glad to see im not nuts!:rolleyes::P

westies4ever

do let us know how you get on op.

MagicMarker

Don't see the problem. By the time your wedding comes around everyone will have forgotten about your cousin's.

Cushie Butterfield

It's understandable that you feel annoyed, but when you think about it it's only a venue. The ceremony itself (I assume) is in a different location?

You will probably have a different band & a different menu - so you're only talking about the same four walls, which no-one will be looking at anyway.

As someone posted earlier in the thread, treat it as a trial run for the real thing. When you speak to your cousin instead of say you're annoyed you could jokingly say that you're glad that she chose the same venue so as she can be your guinea pig.

pooch90

It's more than just it being the same venue. They have the same family members.
Not all will be able to attend both due to finances so by the sneaky cousin booking hers for before the OPs, it means the relatives that can only afford one wedding are more likely to attend the first wedding.
Although, if your family members know what a sneaky b1tch she is they may attend yours instead!
I'd be ripping!!

pwurple

Are you both going to eachother'sweddings?

My brother got married in the same venue as we did, about a year later. I took it as a compliment at the time, and enjoyed his just as much as my own because we knew the lay of the land there. I find it funny that our wedding photos lo very similar in my parents house. People do compare them all the time still, which does bother me, Sometimes. Preferred the music at his, food at yours... That kind of thing. Maybe they would have done that anyway though.


1 month before is really too close when there will be a big overlap of guests.

CommanderC

pooch90 wrote: »

It's more than just it being the same venue. They have the same family members.
Not all will be able to attend both due to finances so by the sneaky cousin booking hers for before the OPs, it means the relatives that can only afford one wedding are more likely to attend the first wedding.
Although, if your family members know what a sneaky b1tch she is they may attend yours instead!
I'd be ripping!!

You are blowing this waaaaay out of proportion here.

I can't understand why so many people are starting off their posts with 'due to finances'. How much is it going to cost the guests to go to the OPs wedding ??

The money and the hotel are ALL I can read about on this thread......what about the marriage.

It does not matter what venue the OP or the OP's cousin are using.

White weddings always end up looking the same. I'm assuming most of OP's family will have experience of being at someone's wedding in their life time therefore- nothing will be new for them at either wedding.

woodchuck

Honestly... I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be a bit annoyed too.

BUT...

Consider it from your cousins point of view. These days a proposal isn't exactly something that comes out of the blue. It's quite possible that marriage and the wedding had been discussed before they were officially engaged. Maybe this location was somewhere they had in mind all along. If that's the case, is it reasonable to expect them not to book it just because it's also your ideal location for a reception and you happened to 'get there first'? Of course ideally it would've been much better form to do it shortly after your wedding instead of before, but they might be constrained by dates available etc and it would be unreasonable to expect them to wait until the following year.

I think it's just one of those situations where you just need to suck it up and make the most of the situation. I think that it has already been mentioned that you can view her reception as a 'trial run'. Keep an eye out for things on her day that you wouldn't like to happen at your wedding and then you'll still have time to flag it with the staff hotel before your own day.

BizzyC

For your family, it's bad form.
She should have had more cop than to do it at the same venue, just before yours.

But saying that, the majority of the crowd will be made up of your OH's family and your friends who wouldn't be attending the first wedding.
So at least for most attending it will be their first time being there.

A_Sober_Paddy

I'd be more livid if I was your family...2 weddings in 2 weeks:p

But seems very bad form if I may say so, it puts people under pressure if they can't afford to go to 2, so they'll have to choose and your cousin is thinking if their's is first people will attend their's over yours maybe

pooch90

CommanderC wrote: »

You are blowing this waaaaay out of proportion here.

I can't understand why so many people are starting off their posts with 'due to finances'. How much is it going to cost the guests to go to the OPs wedding ??

The money and the hotel are ALL I can read about on this thread......what about the marriage.

I couldn't afford nights accommodation for two plus drinks, presents, childminder etc twice within a month.

The OP's issue is not with marriage which is why it doesn't need to be addressed in this thread.

annabella26

id chalk it down as a dry run on your own wedding!its a crap thing to do on their part but its booked now so try find the silver lining! use their wedding as an opportuinty to fine tune your own and for the likes of things like food being under/overcooked- you can bring to the attention of the venue for your own! you as a guest for the first wedding will also hear all the good and bad points of the reception from the view of the guests so can improve them for your own! every wedding has a different atmosphere so even with some of the same guests it will be completely different! we were at a wedding the exact day to our wedding last march in the same venue and the amount of tips an that we picked up for ours was great even if i had to write them all down for next year

Polly701

I'd be annoyed - you have every right to be. But don't let it get to you. Very selfish behaviour of cousin if you know her reasonably well.
Two of my brothers got married within 2 months of each other a few years ago and their wives still don't speak to each other - all started because they felt in competition during weddings and escalated from there. Not worth arguing and casting a shadow over the day.

handlemaster

MrsB2be wrote: »

1st time poster here
I wanted to see if i'm right to feel upset at this so all opinions welcome!
We booked our wedding for summer next year, it has been booked for 6 months now, all our family and friends know and we're happily saving away. I have a huge family but we are all very close.

A cousin of mine got engaged two weeks ago and has booked the smae venue as me for the month before our wedding?? She met my parents over the weekend and asked if I'd mind. (after it had been booked)
I have told some of my friends/colleagues and they have said they'd be livid? what do you guys think?
I know some people wouldnt think of it as a big deal but I just would not do that to anyone i know?
PS I'm definitly not a bridezilla!!:o

Think of it as a trial run. Get the good ideas and make yours better. dont know why youd be bothered anyhow

superband

Have a double wedding, half the cost, twice the fun, and everybodys happy?

DjangoMc

Finances play a lot in the whole guest thing.
I sort of had that problem. I told all my family January 2012 we booked our wedding for May 2013. I told them, say on a Wednesday and two days later my cousin told everyone she booked her wedding for April 2013.
Then there was all out war! Even her own mother gave out hell to her, saying that wasn't fair to do that to me and on the rest of the family. Lucky enough she pushed it back to July 2013. But some of the family can't afford to stay over night.
Guest's have to fork out for rooms, accommodation and drink for the night.

You have the right to be annoyed. I never said a word to my cousin at all, it was the rest of the family.

People who have never organised a wedding don't understand the madness it brings out in others. It really does bring out the crazy in people.

Electric Sheep

DjangoMc wrote: »

But some of the family can't afford to stay over night.
Guest's have to fork out for rooms, accommodation and drink for the night.

In the days before it became all about the Bridezilla, wedding receptions were held near where most of the guests live. The whole "Stay Overnight/Make the wedding a whole weekend" thing is a product of the Celtic Tiger. I recall it used to be popular to hire a bus to take the guests home after the reception, as there was no expectation that people could afford to stay overnight in a hotel.

Minier81

Electric Sheep wrote: »

In the days before it became all about the Bridezilla, wedding receptions were held near where most of the guests live. The whole "Stay Overnight/Make the wedding a whole weekend" thing is a product of the Celtic Tiger. I recall it used to be popular to hire a bus to take the guests home after the reception, as there was no expectation that people could afford to stay overnight in a hotel.

Absolutely agree about not putting pressure on people to overnight in hotels etc. The vast majority f guests at any wedding go home that night, unless its on miles away. At our wedding nearly everyone went home, as it was no more than an 30 min - 1 hours drive for the 95% of the guests.

Even in the Celtic tiger days I rarely stayed in an overnight at weddings, I'm sure the bridezillas were disgusted with me :rolleyes:

OP I do think it is unfair of your cousin to do that, definitely consider it a dry run

Nicman

Look. You all know, even you OP, that if you have a favourite venue and a favourite time of year to get married then it's hard to sacrifice that just because someone else made it there first and were the first to openly announce it. She may have always wanted it there and that time of year but had the misfortune of announcing it after you.
Still though, it would totally get on my last nerve. Also the way she went about it was all wrong. What a Paddy thing to do - approach your Mum AFTER she booked it. Instead of approaching you and saying "look, Im booking this place cause I love it, that's the only time of year that suits us, sorry. What food are you having...ill make sure to have different".... or whatever. You get the gist.

Either get over it (the tone of that sounds nastier than I mean it!), or else go talk to her and get it out of your system!

smgibbons

It's gut-wrenching when something like this happens. I'm sure that no matter what way you look at it, you feel annoyed by it.
The only thing to do now is to stay positive, hold your head high and say nothing to your cousin about it.
If you do, it'll be the talk of her wedding.

Take notes at hers and you have a month to make a couple of changes to yours and you'll feel better.
Think of it like that programme "Four Weddings". You're getting to see another wedding first and then you can adjust yours to remove the things that didnt work.
Be positive and I promise it wont be that bad at all.
Be smart and I promise that people will notice the difference betweeen your weddings.
It might be a little devious but I think its the only way to make the best out of a bad situation for you.

Electric Sheep

smgibbons wrote: »

It's gut-wrenching when something like this happens. I'm sure that no matter what way you look at it, you feel annoyed by it.
The only thing to do now is to stay positive, hold your head high and say nothing to your cousin about it.
If you do, it'll be the talk of her wedding.

Take notes at hers and you have a month to make a couple of changes to yours and you'll feel better.
Think of it like that programme "Four Weddings". You're getting to see another wedding first and then you can adjust yours to remove the things that didnt work.
Be positive and I promise it wont be that bad at all.
Be smart and I promise that people will notice the difference betweeen your weddings.
It might be a little devious but I think its the only way to make the best out of a bad situation for you.

You know what, I don't think people WILL notice the difference between the weddings. Most weddings are the same old thing, I can hardly tell the difference between the weddings I've attended. I think the fact that two were at the same venue would hardly even register with me at this stage.

April O Neill

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I recall it used to be popular to hire a bus to take the guests home after the reception, as there was no expectation that people could afford to stay overnight in a hotel.

That's such a great idea!

boogaloop

OP to answer your question, yes, I'd be well peeved if it was me. But also agree that there's nothing you can really do about it at this stage, so probably best to just suck it up as such.
However, if I may give you one piece of advice.......I would really try & keep ALL details of your wedding close to your chest. If this girl is going to book the same venue as you, sounds like it's a possibility that she may try & 'steal' other ideas also. So for example, if you're thinking of having say a photobooth - try not to tell too many people about it so it's a nice surprise on the day.
I sort of made the mistake myself of shooting my mouth off to a few people early on in the time about what we may or may not do.....I shouldn't have as now I feel that there'll be little element of surprise on the day for those people. Still, what's done is done.

Hope you have a great day and don't let this one thing ruin your excitment in the lead up to it. Your wedding day is unique to you, so enjoy it all!

smgibbons

Electric Sheep wrote: »

You know what, I don't think people WILL notice the difference between the weddings. Most weddings are the same old thing, I can hardly tell the difference between the weddings I've attended. I think the fact that two were at the same venue would hardly even register with me at this stage.

I don't agree. Exact same location, with a short space of time between both weddings and a similar guest list means that you will definitely have guests notice any differences between the two. You may not, but there are some people out there that will always compare things etc.
This is obviously important to the OP. And at the end of the day, on your wedding day, most people like to think that they've created the best day possible for their guests with a few unique elements thrown in to make it stand out. I think if you then find that someone has arranged a wedding 2 WEEKS before yours, it can make anyone feel a little disheartened, annoyed, hurt, upset.... etc.
I would only want a small, intimate wedding without much fuss but if someone decided to do the exact same wedding two weeks before, I would still be a little gutted.

Addle

MrsB2be wrote: »

I'm not they type to row or cause row so if she asks if I mind I will say yes and leave it at that.

If you really don't want to cause trouble, then you wouldn't say that.

Do you live in a 1 decent hotel locale?

There's much of a muchness between wedding receptions wherever they are.

If you have an issue with it, just be glad yours is after hers, so you can alter your plans based on your experience of her and her fiances day, if you want.