Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Wedding date close to a friends

  • 27-05-2013 10:13am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 160 ✭✭Jem123


    Hi all,

    I have recently gotten engaged :D I always said I don't want a long engagement and plan on getting married next Summer. As well as wanting to have the wedding fairly soon, I will be studying up till June 14 and then again in September.

    A close friend of mine is getting married the second week in September 2014. She has been engaged since Christmas 11.

    If I were to book my wedding for the start of August, do you think this would be reason for her to be upset with me?

    There will only be an overlap of 3 or 4 guests.

    I don't want to leave the wedding until the following Summer.

    Thanks!


«1

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    if there are only a few common guests I wouldn't think it will be a problem, but the best thing to do is discuss it with her. She is less likely to get upset about it if you chat with her first and reassure her that it is not being done to steal her thunder or upset her. If she is a reasonable person then I can't see what the problem would be.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 633 ✭✭✭Minier81


    I think once its more than 4 weeks apart for a wedding with overlapping guest you are fine!! I don't think she'd have any reason to be upset with you over that at all. Oh and congratulations, fun times ahead for you :-)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 160 ✭✭Jem123


    Thanks for the replies. Hopefully it will be ok. She did ask in a text when I was thinking of and no reply since I answered. Fingers crossed!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭toadfly


    Friends of my OH are getting married less than three weeks after us. They did ask if we minded and of course we don't. Didn't even expect them to ask. Shouldn't be a problem if she's a reasonable person!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    Jem123 wrote: »
    Thanks for the replies. Hopefully it will be ok. She did ask in a text when I was thinking of and no reply since I answered. Fingers crossed!

    Hmmm, well probably a text wasn't the ideal way to break it to her. Would you not give her a call and see what the story is? Maybe arrange to meet up and have a coffee and a chat? The only thing I can think of that might be an issue is if she thinks you will piggyback on the planning she has done and just go with the same band/hotel/florist etc. Personally, I wouldn't mind that as I would take it as a compliment but she might be worried that if you did that it would look like she was copying you when she was the one who had booked them first.

    There is no real way to know how she feels about it (or why) until you speak to her, so if she is a good friend and you don't want to sour the friendship, I would recommend arranging a face-to-face chat as soon as you can manage.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 160 ✭✭Jem123


    Little Ted wrote: »
    Hmmm, well probably a text wasn't the ideal way to break it to her. Would you not give her a call and see what the story is? Maybe arrange to meet up and have a coffee and a chat? The only thing I can think of that might be an issue is if she thinks you will piggyback on the planning she has done and just go with the same band/hotel/florist etc. Personally, I wouldn't mind that as I would take it as a compliment but she might be worried that if you did that it would look like she was copying you when she was the one who had booked them first.

    There is no real way to know how she feels about it (or why) until you speak to her, so if she is a good friend and you don't want to sour the friendship, I would recommend arranging a face-to-face chat as soon as you can manage.

    She just asked when we were thinking of having it and I said hopefully next summer. We don't get to see each other that often so could be a while before I talk to her.

    I definitely wouldn't try to copy any of her ideas! She's so cagey anyway I just about know the venue.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    Little Ted wrote: »
    Hmmm, well probably a text wasn't the ideal way to break it to her. Would you not give her a call and see what the story is? Maybe arrange to meet up and have a coffee and a chat? The only thing I can think of that might be an issue is if she thinks you will piggyback on the planning she has done and just go with the same band/hotel/florist etc. Personally, I wouldn't mind that as I would take it as a compliment but she might be worried that if you did that it would look like she was copying you when she was the one who had booked them first.

    There is no real way to know how she feels about it (or why) until you speak to her, so if she is a good friend and you don't want to sour the friendship, I would recommend arranging a face-to-face chat as soon as you can manage.


    Seriously, to "break it to her"? She didn't run over her dog, she is getting married in the same season as her friend, that is all! It's not like she is planning on showing up to the friend's wedding in her wedding dress- there will be a few (3-4) mutual guests. It is so not a big deal.

    It really shocks me that anyone feels they have a right to dictate/ question/ show unhappiness at the date someone else picks for their wedding day. This topic has come up a fair bit on this forum in the last few months.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    yeah but next summer could be any time from May to August! I'd give her a call, just to make sure all is well - better than possibly having her stew on it and making a mountain out of a molehill!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    ElleEm wrote: »
    Seriously, to "break it to her"? She didn't run over her dog, she is getting married in the same season as her friend, that is all! It's not like she is planning on showing up to the friend's wedding in her wedding dress- there will be a few (3-4) mutual guests. It is so not a big deal.

    It really shocks me that anyone feels they have a right to dictate/ question/ show unhappiness at the date someone else picks for their wedding day. This topic has come up a fair bit on this forum in the last few months.


    ok, so 'break it to her' probably sounds more dramatic than I intended - it was just a figure of speech. I know what you mean and I do agree with you - but sometimes even the most seemingly rational people turn into loons for their wedding! Ok, so it's not your responsibility to pussyfoot around and pander to silly people, but at the same time, sometimes a little, shall we say 'pre-emptive' action helps to keep the drama to a minimum. Personally, I'd go with the 'anything for a quiet life' approach. The last thing you want is to fall out with your mate if it can be avoided (even if they are being a twit!)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 160 ✭✭Jem123


    Thanks for all the advice :)

    I feel a lot better about it now.Hopefully I'm just being paranoid!


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    Jem123 wrote: »
    Thanks for all the advice :)

    I feel a lot better about it now.Hopefully I'm just being paranoid!

    I hope you're being paranoid too. If your mate gets arsey, remind her what a wedding/ marriage is actually about!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    I don't think it should be a problem ... if she is really your friend she should be happy for you rather than upset.
    And now ye can go through the process together and swap info and stuff too.

    Me and my fiance are getting married 4 weeks after my fiance's cousin. We just set the date and they have had it booked for two years. It never occurred to us to check and we'll have a lot of overlap! Hopefully they won't be put out by it!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 152 ✭✭Cailleachdubh


    In an ideal world, it would be better not to have them so close together, but that's not the way things pan out. A close friend and I are having our weddings within 3 months each other with lots of mutual friends and mutual bridesmaids. Obviously 3 months is a lot longer apart than you're talking, but ideally it would be nicer if there was only one of us getting married this year, as it is hard not to compare plans etc. It's just the bridezilla thing, wanting all the attention for yourself and the attention each of us gets about the wedding is diluted as we have a lot of mutual friends (I'm talking about me here :rolleyes:). However, that's just the way it worked out, and I'm sure once it's all over we'll totally forget that we had our weddings quite close together!

    I would talk to your friend, but will warn you, chances are she's not over the moon about it. Hopefully she'll be able to get over that and see sense though.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 365 ✭✭doriansmith


    A close friend and I are having our weddings within 3 months each other with lots of mutual friends and mutual bridesmaids. Obviously 3 months is a lot longer apart than you're talking, but ideally it would be nicer if there was only one of us getting married this year, as it is hard not to compare plans etc. It's just the bridezilla thing, wanting all the attention for yourself and the attention each of us gets about the wedding is diluted as we have a lot of mutual friends (I'm talking about me here :rolleyes:).

    Myself & a close friend are getting married 3 months apart this year & I haven't found this at all. We've both said it's great that we're getting married so close together cos we can waffle away to eachother about our weddings & compare plans without boring anyone else! She wasn't at all put out when I set my date for 3 months before hers.

    OP, I think it'd be unreasonable of your friend to be put out by it. You can't have a 2.5 year engagement and then expect someone else to wait an extra year so you're not getting married the same season as them. And the fact there's only a few mutual guests means it shouldn't really be a problem.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 160 ✭✭Jem123


    Myself & a close friend are getting married 3 months apart this year & I haven't found this at all. We've both said it's great that we're getting married so close together cos we can waffle away to eachother about our weddings & compare plans without boring anyone else! She wasn't at all put out when I set my date for 3 months before hers.

    OP, I think it'd be unreasonable of your friend to be put out by it. You can't have a 2.5 year engagement and then expect someone else to wait an extra year so you're not getting married the same season as them. And the fact there's only a few mutual guests means it shouldn't really be a problem.

    This is what I would love, to share the excitement and planning with my friend! She can be a bit funny so I won't be too shocked if her nose is a bit out of joint.

    Either way I'm not prepared to wait 2 years to get married!:rolleyes:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25 mrs2be?


    Hi all,

    Just looking for some advice. Trying to set a date for wedding which is so much more difficult than I thought it would be. lots of friends getting married next year and really don't want long engagement. we now thinking Christmas because a lot of OH friends live away and we think might be good time for when they likely to be home anyway.

    How would ppl feel if they got invitation to wedding for 27th December (its a Saturday)?? the Sunday 28th is out because church wont marry us on Sunday so other viable option is Monday 29th.

    Any opinions / suggestions please!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    Personally I am not keen on Christmas weddings, mainly due to the expense at an already expensive time of year. Also, although some people will be home for christmas, others will head out of town for Christmas to partners families, so you should bear that in mind. The other thing for me about Christmas weddings is that I am usually so flat out with work just before Christmas and then have so many family responsibilities Christmas week, once Christmas day has been and gone I usually just want some down time with my PJ's and the sofa - not attending a wedding and then a few days later its New Years Eve - especially not if it means I will have to stay overnight in a hotel. But that is possibly just me, I'm sure some people would love an extra day to have an excuse to get dressed up and party.

    Finally, one thing to bear in mind - my friend got married a few years ago right between christmas and new year. And the weather was terrible - storms and floods. They didn't even know if her granny would be able to get to the wedding. Thankfully she did, but a lot of guests from outside of Dublin didn't make it.

    On the plus side, the hotels always look really lovely and festive at Christmas time, so the one big benefit of a Christmas wedding is that it will look really festive and sparkly.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    We're having a New Years Eve wedding. Everyone is delighted because it gives them a night out without having to pay expensive charges into a venue that night haha


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    mrs2be? wrote: »
    How would ppl feel if they got invitation to wedding for 27th December (its a Saturday)?? the Sunday 28th is out because church wont marry us on Sunday so other viable option is Monday 29th.

    27 December is too close to Christmas for me. We'd have family and friends home from abroad and would have a packed meet and greet from Christmas eve until NYE.

    The 29 might be a bit better, but I know we'd struggle for babysitting at that time of the year as the family who'd usually do it for us no bother would more than likely be prebooked with their own events or we'd clash with a family thing.

    I think Christmas/NYE weddings can be lovely, and venues do look great, but it wouldn't be my first choice as a couple or guest. We don't go out NYE because we prefer to have a party at home, with children its near impossible to get a babysitter for so you might have to take that into account as well.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    I agree, a NYE wedding is a better option than closer to Christmas day, but still not my first choice. Also if you don't stay in the hotel getting a taxi that night would be murder!


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 486 ✭✭EricPraline


    In relation to late December dates, another problem is that hotel room prices and occupancy rates will be high at this time, which may be problematic if many of your guests will stay at the venue. This is particularly the case for any wedding on New Year's Eve - a night on which taxis and babysitters are also very scarce.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,158 ✭✭✭✭Berty


    Meh, see how much a band costs as well and it might put you off completely and even if you had it NYE a lot of bands are booked already for this or block the date in their calendar for their usual haunts.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,109 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    mrs2be? wrote: »
    Hi all,

    Just looking for some advice. Trying to set a date for wedding which is so much more difficult than I thought it would be. lots of friends getting married next year and really don't want long engagement. we now thinking Christmas because a lot of OH friends live away and we think might be good time for when they likely to be home anyway.

    How would ppl feel if they got invitation to wedding for 27th December (its a Saturday)?? the Sunday 28th is out because church wont marry us on Sunday so other viable option is Monday 29th.

    Any opinions / suggestions please!!!

    Unless it was immediate family, there is no way I would attend a wedding during the Christmas/New Year season. That is time for family, not for Bridezilla.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 633 ✭✭✭Minier81


    I am not a fan at all of wedding between Christmas and early new year at all. I have gone to some over the years for close friends. For me this time of year is for family.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25 mrs2be?


    mrs2be? wrote: »
    Hi all,

    Just looking for some advice. Trying to set a date for wedding which is so much more difficult than I thought it would be. lots of friends getting married next year and really don't want long engagement. we now thinking Christmas because a lot of OH friends live away and we think might be good time for when they likely to be home anyway.

    How would ppl feel if they got invitation to wedding for 27th December (its a Saturday)?? the Sunday 28th is out because church wont marry us on Sunday so other viable option is Monday 29th.

    Any opinions / suggestions please!!!


    Thanks for feedback. I was kind of afraid that was response I would get, but lots of people assured me that everyone is off, people like to have things to do between Christmas and New year. As OH doesn't work in Ireland full time it is difficult to tie down a date, but we always know Christmas is the one time will always home, as are lots of friends in same situation. Already have 4 weddings throughout next year between our two immediate families and close friends, we really didn't want to have to wait another minimum 18 months to get married but seems that will be the case!!
    It is so hard to pick a date now because other couples freak out if you get married within a few months of them. My Mom said in her day could be every couple weeks for family and friends and no one would bat an eyelid. Back in the good old days when life was simple....:(


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,301 ✭✭✭Gatica


    if it's a matter of finding a time when you OH is home and you have important (not would be nice to have over) family or friends visiting only that time of year, then I'm sure they'd understand.
    I'm not a fan of having to attend someone else's party around xmas, but I think if I had friends back from Aus/Canada around xmas to see family, then I can see how it would be a convenient time to have the wedding.
    Plan what would be most suitable to your circumstances. People who don't care about going to your "party" around xmas is more likely work colleagues and "long-distance" cousins. So just don't invite them.
    Make it a small affair about the people you want to be there - immediate family, the far-away best friends.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,154 ✭✭✭Dolbert


    mrs2be, if it makes you feel any better not everyone hates Christmas/ New Year's weddings! I personally love them, and you have a good reason for planning yours then. You'll never please everyone.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25 mrs2be?


    Dolbert wrote: »
    mrs2be, if it makes you feel any better not everyone hates Christmas/ New Year's weddings! I personally love them, and you have a good reason for planning yours then. You'll never please everyone.


    Thanks Dolbert, OH and I are almost at stage where we are like lets just forget getting married. We do it in couple years when everything else has died down. Both very disappointed though. While it would never bother me if friends or family got married before/after, same venue etc. etc. This is just complete no territory for some people, which is why Christmas about our only option.

    We have church, reception and photographer all provisionally booked for 27th because we kinda did it and then later decided maybe not wonderful date!! So looks like we are off to cancel everything this weekend :(:(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,154 ✭✭✭Dolbert


    mrs2be? wrote: »
    Thanks Dolbert, OH and I are almost at stage where we are like lets just forget getting married. We do it in couple years when everything else has died down. Both very disappointed though. While it would never bother me if friends or family got married before/after, same venue etc. etc. This is just complete no territory for some people, which is why Christmas about our only option.

    We have church, reception and photographer all provisionally booked for 27th because we kinda did it and then later decided maybe not wonderful date!! So looks like we are off to cancel everything this weekend :(:(

    I think you should have your wedding on the 27th. People are always going to be more opinionated on an internet forum. In reality, most of your friends/ family will be delighted to go and those that matter won't mind. I'm sure they would rather attend a Christmas wedding than have you put it off entirely!


  • Advertisement
  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Felipe Little Sandstone


    I went to a friend's wedding on the 29th, it was great fun and nice to have something after xmas to look forward to


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    The 27th is way too close to Christmas in my opinion. Also, the 26th is typically a huge night out in Ireland - having a wedding the day after may mean a lot if very hungover guests in attendance. You'd be better having it the weekend before or something.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,154 ✭✭✭Dolbert


    tinkerbell wrote: »
    The 27th is way too close to Christmas in my opinion. Also, the 26th is typically a huge night out in Ireland - having a wedding the day after may mean a lot if very hungover guests in attendance. You'd be better having it the weekend before or something.

    Not enough reason to cancel her wedding IMO... if all is booked for the 27th I say go for it. People will find a reason to complain no matter what you do.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,006 ✭✭✭MistyCheese


    Ugh, and that is the downside of traditional weddings. It suits you and your future husband to get married on the 27th, and you think it will suit your guests too but you're seriously considering cancelling for now because some people might moan about the date because it doesn't suit them. You'd think a wedding invitation was a subpoena! And no offence to anyone here who said that date wouldn't suit them - you would have to take your relationship with the couple into account and how close you were. For example, you're the bride's sister - will be there even if it's a bit inconvienent. You went to primary with the groom's second cousin - not gonna re-arrange my Christmas to attend.

    Go ahead with the date that suits you, maybe some people will complain but some people will complain about anything!
    "Look at the table she put us at" (bride will most likely get the blame here!)
    "Can't believe there's only two choices of mains"
    "I have to drive over half an hour to get there, I'm going to give them a bit less of a gift to make up for the petrol."

    The amount of bad feeling and imaginary balance sheets that goes on with wedding is unreal. Go ahead with your Dec 27 plans if that is what suits you, the groom and the very most important guests. Remember - the people who matter don't mind and the people who mind don't matter. This isn't an excuse for people to do whatever they like all the time and hang the consequences but when it comes to your wedding the people who matter won't mind being put out for a day or two in order to celebrate this with you both.

    As for anyone else - well if they're going to be bringing an attitude with them then tell them to stay at home, you only want supportitve people there. I've done a lot for friends over the years that didn't always quite suit me, so if they whine taht our wedding doesn't quite suit them they can in all honestly feck right the hell off.

    Congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals whenever they end up being.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    Hang on - not everyone who said that given a choice they would prefer a wedding outside of Christmas week said that they would bitch and moan or not make an effort to go. For a close friend or family member I would make the effort, but if you ask me my preference then my preference would be not to have any wedding that week.

    As you say, there will be people who would love to go, but who will just be prohibited from doing so due to their own family circumstances. If you don't really mind that, and are actually thinking along the lines of a smaller affair with mostly close friends and family then it won't be an issue. But if you want a bigger wedding and would be upset if half the people you invited declined to attend, then you need to bear in mind that the date you chose might have been a factor.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,494 ✭✭✭Sala


    I never understand why people get annoyed if a wedding is "too close", some even months away! I'm bridesmaid for a friend and then got engaged, I was considering dates 1-4 weeks after hers and abroad and she said she will organise her honeymoon around making sure she can go


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Yeah I posted about practicalities. I'd go if we could get a babysitter (tricky around that time of year with families busy with stuff going on) and it didn't clash with something else. Its a time of the year when most people tend to have a lot on within a short time.
    If you do chose a Christmas or NYE wedding I'd give PLENTY of notice. My parents have plans already for this coming NYE as they go away every year and chances are my inlaws will too, so for us it may not be practical to attend a wedding at that time.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25 mrs2be?


    Ugh, and that is the downside of traditional weddings. It suits you and your future husband to get married on the 27th, and you think it will suit your guests too but you're seriously considering cancelling for now because some people might moan about the date because it doesn't suit them. You'd think a wedding invitation was a subpoena! And no offence to anyone here who said that date wouldn't suit them - you would have to take your relationship with the couple into account and how close you were. For example, you're the bride's sister - will be there even if it's a bit inconvienent. You went to primary with the groom's second cousin - not gonna re-arrange my Christmas to attend.

    Go ahead with the date that suits you, maybe some people will complain but some people will complain about anything!
    "Look at the table she put us at" (bride will most likely get the blame here!)
    "Can't believe there's only two choices of mains"
    "I have to drive over half an hour to get there, I'm going to give them a bit less of a gift to make up for the petrol."

    The amount of bad feeling and imaginary balance sheets that goes on with wedding is unreal. Go ahead with your Dec 27 plans if that is what suits you, the groom and the very most important guests. Remember - the people who matter don't mind and the people who mind don't matter. This isn't an excuse for people to do whatever they like all the time and hang the consequences but when it comes to your wedding the people who matter won't mind being put out for a day or two in order to celebrate this with you both.

    As for anyone else - well if they're going to be bringing an attitude with them then tell them to stay at home, you only want supportitve people there. I've done a lot for friends over the years that didn't always quite suit me, so if they whine taht our wedding doesn't quite suit them they can in all honestly feck right the hell off.

    Congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals whenever they end up being.


    Thank you, this makes me feel a lot more positive!! we are going to give it a week and then make our decision either way as to go ahead or just cancel it. I really like that saying "those who matter wont mind and those who mind don't matter". Just need to get OH on same wavelength


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,109 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    Ugh, and that is the downside of traditional weddings. It suits you and your future husband to get married on the 27th, and you think it will suit your guests too but you're seriously considering cancelling for now because some people might moan about the date because it doesn't suit them. You'd think a wedding invitation was a subpoena! And no offence to anyone here who said that date wouldn't suit them - you would have to take your relationship with the couple into account and how close you were. For example, you're the bride's sister - will be there even if it's a bit inconvienent. You went to primary with the groom's second cousin - not gonna re-arrange my Christmas to attend.

    Go ahead with the date that suits you, maybe some people will complain but some people will complain about anything!
    "Look at the table she put us at" (bride will most likely get the blame here!)
    "Can't believe there's only two choices of mains"
    "I have to drive over half an hour to get there, I'm going to give them a bit less of a gift to make up for the petrol."

    The amount of bad feeling and imaginary balance sheets that goes on with wedding is unreal. Go ahead with your Dec 27 plans if that is what suits you, the groom and the very most important guests. Remember - the people who matter don't mind and the people who mind don't matter. This isn't an excuse for people to do whatever they like all the time and hang the consequences but when it comes to your wedding the people who matter won't mind being put out for a day or two in order to celebrate this with you both.

    As for anyone else - well if they're going to be bringing an attitude with them then tell them to stay at home, you only want supportitve people there. I've done a lot for friends over the years that didn't always quite suit me, so if they whine taht our wedding doesn't quite suit them they can in all honestly feck right the hell off.

    Congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals whenever they end up being.

    For some couples, the lower attendance means a lower "take" of presents, so less profit made on the wedding - a situation they want to avoid. For the ones who simply want their friends there to celebrate the wedding, a few negative RSVPs won't be an issue.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25 mrs2be?


    For some couples, the lower attendance means a lower "take" of presents, so less profit made on the wedding - a situation they want to avoid. For the ones who simply want their friends there to celebrate the wedding, a few negative RSVPs won't be an issue.

    God that never even entered my head. What? You are saying that the more people you invite the more money you make on the day so it covers the cost.
    OMG, what happened to good old fashioned Romance and having a wedding because you want to make a commitment to spend your life with the one you love in front of all the people that matter to you.

    I would not even consider getting married or having a big day if we could not comfortably afford it. If we couldn't afford it we would be eloping!!!

    Is this the way some people think!! Rent a crowd to cover the cost :mad:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,109 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    mrs2be? wrote: »
    God that never even entered my head. What? You are saying that the more people you invite the more money you make on the day so it covers the cost.
    OMG, what happened to good old fashioned Romance and having a wedding because you want to make a commitment to spend your life with the one you love in front of all the people that matter to you.

    I would not even consider getting married or having a big day if we could not comfortably afford it. If we couldn't afford it we would be eloping!!!

    Is this the way some people think!! Rent a crowd to cover the cost :mad:

    It IS how some people think - I know couples who invite every Tom Dick and Harry they know because once you've passed a certain number, it becomes profitable.

    A couple I know were invited to the wedding of their neighbor's brother whom they had only met once.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25 mrs2be?


    It IS how some people think - I know couples who invite every Tom Dick and Harry they know because once you've passed a certain number, it becomes profitable.

    A couple I know were invited to the wedding of their neighbor's brother whom they had only met once.


    That's crazy....
    I am completely outta touch here on the weddings front. All OH and I want is to get married and make sure that we and everyone else have a wonderful day and remember it forever.
    I understand inviting a few of parents neighbours, I will know then all my life, they mean a lot to my parents but neighbours brothers. I am actually laughing, this never even occurred to me.... LOL
    Who said romance isn't dead.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,006 ✭✭✭MistyCheese


    For some couples, the lower attendance means a lower "take" of presents, so less profit made on the wedding - a situation they want to avoid. For the ones who simply want their friends there to celebrate the wedding, a few negative RSVPs won't be an issue.

    True, there are people on the other side of that balance sheet too.
    "Cousin J only gave us €50?! Does he think that covers the cost of his dinner?"
    "Aunt P and Uncle D gave us €200 but they're a couple and Cousin L gave us €150 and he's single"

    And IMO they can take the same running jump that I instructed the first lot to take! :D

    Weddings are not supposed to be a cash-grab or a means to re-decorate your already fully furnished abode. Your "Wedding Gift registry" is NOT a Santa letter! Couples like that deserve one gift and one gift only. "A donation has been made in your name to the following charity..."


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25 mrs2be?


    It's obviously just some peoples nature I suppose to be like that. I would hate for people not to come because they felt they couldn't afford to give a present, id prefer they came and didn't give any gift!!!

    So is the general consensus a wedding on 27th / 29th is out?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,658 ✭✭✭ronjo


    Christ on a bike I am glad I am already married.

    I got married 3 weeks after one friend and maybe 7 after another. It never entered my head it would be an issue and if anyone was put out about it I hope they have forgiven me 6 years on.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25 mrs2be?


    ronjo wrote: »
    Christ on a bike I am glad I am already married.

    I got married 3 weeks after one friend and maybe 7 after another. It never entered my head it would be an issue and if anyone was put out about it I hope they have forgiven me 6 years on.



    I would be the same, I wouldn't care less if they got married the previous day in the same venue, every wedding is completely different anyway.
    However I think we are in the minority, it seems that who ever is engaged first gets first refusal and so on and god help anyone (me in this case) who tries to plan a date in the middle of it. It seems before is a complete and utter absolute NO!! if its after its not so bad but still doesn't go down well.

    I suppose everyone is entitled to their own opinion and it is such a big day and all the planning etc... Still with 365 days in the year we cant find one that suits!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    mrs2be? wrote: »
    I would be the same, I wouldn't care less if they got married the previous day in the same venue, every wedding is completely different anyway.
    However I think we are in the minority, it seems that who ever is engaged first gets first refusal and so on and god help anyone (me in this case) who tries to plan a date in the middle of it. It seems before is a complete and utter absolute NO!! if its after its not so bad but still doesn't go down well.

    I suppose everyone is entitled to their own opinion and it is such a big day and all the planning etc... Still with 365 days in the year we cant find one that suits!!!

    I totally agree with you from the point of view of the bridezilla/jealousy angle. The only thing I can see that is a valid reason for scheduling around another wedding is if a lot of your guests are the same, in which case it might be too expensive for your guests to attend both. But if that really is a worry there are plenty of ways of having a wedding which won't put your guests under financial pressure to attend, so it really is down to the couple. If you want to be married sooner than later, and have certain guests then you should be reasonable in your expectations from your guests. (but then I think that of any wedding anyway - what good is a party if half the guests would rather not be there??)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,305 ✭✭✭April O Neill


    tinkerbell wrote: »
    The 27th is way too close to Christmas in my opinion. Also, the 26th is typically a huge night out in Ireland - having a wedding the day after may mean a lot if very hungover guests in attendance. You'd be better having it the weekend before or something.
    Dolbert wrote: »
    Not enough reason to cancel her wedding IMO... if all is booked for the 27th I say go for it. People will find a reason to complain no matter what you do.

    Agreed, if I was attending a wedding on the 27th, I wouldn't bother going out on the 26th.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 420 ✭✭CommanderC


    Little Ted wrote: »
    Hmmm, well probably a text wasn't the ideal way to break it to her. Would you not give her a call and see what the story is? Maybe arrange to meet up and have a coffee and a chat? The only thing I can think of that might be an issue is if she thinks you will piggyback on the planning she has done and just go with the same band/hotel/florist etc. Personally, I wouldn't mind that as I would take it as a compliment but she might be worried that if you did that it would look like she was copying you when she was the one who had booked them first.

    There is no real way to know how she feels about it (or why) until you speak to her, so if she is a good friend and you don't want to sour the friendship, I would recommend arranging a face-to-face chat as soon as you can manage.

    .....to whom ?.....The 3 or 4 guests ??

    Would they even notice/care ?

    If the friendship would 'sour' because of something like this......you are better off out of it anyway :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭tatli_lokma


    CommanderC wrote: »
    .....to whom ?.....The 3 or 4 guests ??

    Would they even notice/care ?

    If the friendship would 'sour' because of something like this......you are better off out of it anyway :rolleyes:

    I didn't say it was reasonable or justified for her to get upset about that issue, I was just trying to think of a possible reason why it might bother her. Friendships sour over misunderstandings every day, trying to put yourself in the other persons shoes to try and preempt such a misunderstanding is what reasonable people do.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25 mrs2be?


    all provisional bookings for 27th December cancelled this morning :( OH thinks its for best though. We don't want to be putting people under additional pressure at Christmas. So looks like 2015 is it.... all the planning folders back in the press for another year :(


  • Advertisement
Advertisement