Was my behaviour 'bizarre'?

BizarreOrNot

So recently my girlfriend got sick. Not life threatening sick, just an infection but it was very uncomfortable for her and limited motion, good bit of pain. We live about 90 minutes apart.

In the evening time she was sore so I said I'd pop out to see her and help look after her, which is only human. I told her what time I was leaving, but didnt tell her what time I expected to arrive because I wasn't sure. But she knew how long stuff took so she was expecting me around a certain time, give or take.

I got to the town she lives in and decided to pick up some stuff she needed, and some fun stuff just to distract her from the pain. She had some gifts to send to friends in the uk so I walked to the length of the town to the post office, queued for ages and spent some cash on international postage stamps. (I didn't have much cash to my name at the time.) Then I walked back through the town (rain, wind) searching for the funniest greetings card I could find in any of the shops. I got some scratch cards and stuff for her to send with the gifts, some magazines to read, some food and some basic home stuff for living - she can't really move in her condition so I figured I'd pick it up for her.

I was starving because I'd missed dinner, so I popped in to the food part of the bar with my shopping bags and asked for a quick starter (chowder) to tie me over. The whole affair took about an hour.

She text me asking where I was as I was finishing and I told her about the all the stuff I'd gotten her, both necessary to daily life (bog roll, fairy liquid) and fun stuff to distract her: she told me I was taking too long (I was staying the night and it was still early) and not to bother and to just go home again.

Naturally I was mad because I felt totally unappreciated, and she was mad that I'd taken longer than she'd expected.

Now she's saying that my behaviour was 'bizarre' because I didn't show up as soon as expected. Naturally she must have been frustrated or disappointed that I was later than she expected, but I would have thought that, though a little late, the extra effort I'd gone through for her sake would be enough to counter that? We're both upset now, but which one of us is being unreasonable?

Legs.Eleven

Imo, if you're giving us all the details, she was and you deserve an apology.

P. Breathnach

60% her; 40% you.

Make an allowance for her being sick, and adjust to 50:50.

ElleEm

I would say she is in the wrong. You were doing stuff for HER, it's hardly like you were in the pub with the lads!
If I was you, I would certainly expect an apology. Maybe she would have liked a text/ call to let her know your exact time of arrival, but sending you home is so childish and super ungrateful. Sick or not, she was ridiculous in sending you home.

Schnitzel Muncher

Did you stop off for a pint to go with the chowder?

BizarreOrNot

Schnitzel Muncher wrote: »

Did you stop off for a pint to go with the chowder?

The chowder was over a fiver and came with a free pint. I didn't know this until they brought me my free Fosters, so technically yes but at the same time and not intentionally.

I probably should have realised that she wanted immediate comfort and not have let her feel stood up for a while too, in fairness.

It seems like you're trying to pin blame, in which case there's no winner.

It was unreasonable for her to send you home after you'd come all that way, but it wasn't unreasonable for her to be upset. She was sick, uncomfortable, probably waiting for you in order to eat/get stuff sorted, and was probably a bit upset from being sick and really looking forward to having you come to comfort her.

For you to be so late without letting her know was very inconsiderate on your part, and it is bizarre that you went to a bar to have a sit down meal (even if it was only a "quick starter"). I mean it's really strange, and honestly you probably knew that by telling her when you were setting off that she would assume it meant you'd be there 90 mins after.

Despite the fact that I think you caused a bit of trouble for yourself, it is terrible of her to send you home. It's worth bearing in mind though that she probably didn't mean it and expected you to protest (not that that excuses it, but given that she was sick maybe she was feeling unusually sulky).

I'd say forget about the whole thing. Maybe if you explain your side of the story to her, but couple it with an apology, that would put things behind you?

BizarreOrNot

true-or-false wrote: »

It seems like you're trying to pin blame, in which case there's no winner.

It was unreasonable for her to send you home after you'd come all that way, but it wasn't unreasonable for her to be upset. She was sick, uncomfortable, probably waiting for you in order to eat/get stuff sorted, and was probably a bit upset from being sick and really looking forward to having you come to comfort her.

For you to be so late without letting her know was very inconsiderate on your part, and it is bizarre that you went to a bar to have a sit down meal (even if it was only a "quick starter"). I mean it's really strange, and honestly you probably knew that by telling her when you were setting off that she would assume it meant you'd be there 90 mins after.

Despite the fact that I think you caused a bit of trouble for yourself, it is terrible of her to send you home. It's worth bearing in mind though that she probably didn't mean it and expected you to protest (not that that excuses it, but given that she was sick maybe she was feeling unusually sulky).

I'd say forget about the whole thing. Maybe if you explain your side of the story to her, but couple it with an apology, that would put things behind you?

Thanks! I think you're dead on the money.

(oh, and it was the only place in the town to get food, it's like a restraint in the evenings and turns into a bar at night! It was that or mizzoni's pizza, which is not my thing)

meeeeh

I think her reaction was way over the top. The problem with everybody having a mobile is that we expect to be told when someone is being late or gets delayed. Normally when my partner is working in the office I know his I'll be home in half an hour means I'll be home in an hour and a half. But if he is driving from somewhere half an hour away and doesn't show up for a lot longer and doesn't call or answer his phone I get worried that something happened.

As I said her reaction was excessive but next time you should just let her know that you'll be late. It can be very hard to wait for someone especially when you can't do much to keep yourself occupied. I'd say she was just impatient to see you.

Schnitzel Muncher

BizarreOrNot wrote: »

The chowder was over a fiver and came with a free pint. I didn't know this until they brought me my free Fosters, so technically yes but at the same time and not intentionally.

I probably should have realised that she wanted immediate comfort and not have let her feel stood up for a while too, in fairness.

The plot thickens.

discus

BizarreOrNot wrote: »

Now she's saying that my behaviour was 'bizarre' because I didn't show up as soon as expected. Naturally she must have been frustrated or disappointed that I was later than she expected, but I would have thought that, though a little late, the extra effort I'd gone through for her sake would be enough to counter that? We're both upset now, but which one of us is being unreasonable?

Her reaction sounds bizarre. Yes she's sick, but you're out running her errands. I wouldn't back down on this to be honest, you've been thoughtful and fitted in her needs into your day.

ShaShaBear

It wouldn't exactly have hurt to give her a text and tell her you were doing her some favours and would be a little late.

Lorna123

You are both partly to blame. You for not letting her know your time frame and her for attacking you, when you were so kind.

Schnitzel Muncher

Did you do any of your own shopping, or just hers? Any quick stops in the bookies etc?

from_atozinc

She sounds like a panicky spoilt gee bag. End of

Sick or not, I wud have just told her to Fook off , alot more fish in the sea than that one.

Legs.Eleven

BizarreOrNot wrote: »

The chowder was over a fiver and came with a free pint. I didn't know this until they brought me my free Fosters, so technically yes but at the same time and not intentionally.

I probably should have realised that she wanted immediate comfort and not have let her feel stood up for a while too, in fairness.

In fairness, you didn't mention the pint. If I was sick and waiting for my boyfriend and he arrived late smelling of alcohol, I wouldn't be pleased. I wouldn't send him home but I wouldn't be happy. I suppose the idea that I'm at home not able to move and you're sitting down the road slurping a pint. I would've refused it if I were you. You didn't have to drink it.


Either way, you're both to blame to some degree. Forget it and move on. You'll never get anywhere trying to find the guilty party when you both feel wronged. Move on. Not worth the hassle.

Schnitzel Muncher

from_atozinc wrote: »

She sounds like a panicky spoilt gee bag. End of

Sick or not, I wud have just told her to Fook off , alot more fish in the sea than that one.

Nice. We have heard one side of a story here. I wonder did he mention having the pint when she called him...maybe she heard the background noise in the pub.

from_atozinc

Schnitzel Muncher wrote: »

Nice. We have heard one side of a story here. I wonder did he mention having the pint when she called him...maybe she heard the background noise in the pub.

Whoopi do, he had a pint with his grub, so what, it's not the end of the world.
If it was a pint if water, would that have been ok with her !!

Schnitzel Muncher

from_atozinc wrote: »

Whoopi do, he had a pint with his grub, so what, it's not the end of the world.
If it was a pint if water, would that have been ok with her !!

Whoopi do, is right. On both sides.

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blatantrereg

I think you're way too focused on getting her approval/recognition, without necessarily being focused on what might actually help her.
If I were in your shoes I would find it very rude to be sent home like that, and would be annoyed about the waste of time. I wouldn't care much about my efforts unappreciated per se; I'd just realise that my decision for an impromptu shopping trip was silly.

The fact you want to determine who is being unreasonable also suggests that you are very focused on approval, in that case instead of actually trying to resolve things.

Your trip was bizarre. "Do you want me to pick you up anything?" - asking her that would have made the most sense really.

I walked to the length of the town to the post office, queued for ages and spent some cash on international postage stamps. (I didn't have much cash to my name at the time.) Then I walked back through the town (rain, wind) searching for the funniest greetings card I could find in any of the shops.

queued for ages and spent some cash on international postage stamps. (I didn't have much cash to my name at the time.)

That's all very dramatic. It also suggests the desire for approval. You wanted to put yourself out - impractically and unnecessarily - in order to impress.

Chowder is more expensive than stamps. Getting stamps for her doesn't make sense because if she can't move she wouldn't be able to post them anyway. Offering to post the presents on her behalf would have made more sense. If they were parcels rather than envelopes then it makes even less sense, since you would need to queue in the post office again to send them too. Getting arbitrary things like toilet paper and washing liquid for no apparent reason is bizarre too.

That's my reading really. An alternative interpretation would be that you weren't looking forward to seeing her and were delaying doing so, even feeling the need to have a drink beforehand.

Stavro Mueller

I did wonder why you didn't pick up something in the shop to cook/eat in her house. If not for you both, then for yourself. I think if I'd just made a 90 minute trip to see my other half I'd not have been in the mood for dawdling around the town. If your girlfriend was feeling a bit needy (as sick people can do, especially when they've been laid up for a while and a bit self-obsessed), hearing that you stopped off in the pub for a bite to eat and a pint does sound a bit casual. Was this behaviour out of character for her?

Tigger99

I too dont understand why you didnt just make food for both of ye in hers?

Yes it's great that you were getting all those things for her, but she was prob really looking forward to seeing you, mightnt have seen anybody else all day and mightnt have been able to make dinner for herself if her motion is affected.

Meller

Stop overthinking it. She was sick, frustrated and moody. Yes, she was wrong and her behaviour was melodramatic. But people aren't perfect and do stupid things sometimes, especially when they're in a bad mood. If this is the first time a girlfriend has done something like this, count yourself lucky... it'll happen again! And I'm sure you may even do something equally as dramatic at some point.

Just move on and forget about it.

LegacyUser

I think she was wrong to just tell you to go home and not call over at all and at least talk about things but it really does sound like there is more to the story. I agree with several posters above that you've firstly made a very dramatic recounting of picking up some stamps that you weren't asked to get in the first place and then secondly why weren't you going to eat at hers? Why wouldn't you just grab take out or something to throw in the oven as you were meant to be spending the night? If you stopped to get toilet roll and washing-up liquid then surely it would have made the most sense to make one stop, get that, get some food for both of you and head to hers and ask her if she would like you drop by the post office on your way home the next day with the stuff to be posted.

Chucky the tree

I'd be expecting an apology if I was you OP. I certainly be very pissed off about her calling your behaviour bizarre after the event and then pretending like she did nothing wrong. Is she always that possessive about where you have been/how long you will be? At the end of the day you didn't have to go to her house at all but you made the effort, you also never said when you'd arrive. She shouldn't ever be demanding you go to her house within a certain time, that's very unhealthy.


someone said it was 60 40 earlier but her sickness made it 50-50. Just lol. Just because someone is sick doesn't give them the right to act like a bitch and then continue that behaviour. OP if your gf doesn't apologise or even accept she was out of order I'd seriously consider the relationship.

a posse ad esse

We are all entitled to our opinions, But I do find your behaviour "bizarre".

If someone was as sick as you described them to be, the first thing "I" would do was get to their place first, see how they are getting on. Then I would look around to see or ask the person if they needed something in particular and go out and get what they needed (food or other personal items).

I think one of the posters was correct that you delayed the whole process and then made it look like you got her a bunch of stuff (that she probably would not have needed in the first place) to kill time and then show the person what took you so long. If you did not want to be there in the first place then tell them you can't come.

You BOTH need to apologise to each other. Her reaction was more than likely based on moodiness and frustration of being sick but I also don't think it is polite to let someone wait around when they are expecting you at a certain time. If you are running late you call them first to let them know.

discus

a posse ad esse wrote: »

We are all entitled to our opinions, But I do find your behaviour "bizarre".

If someone was as sick as you described them to be, the first thing "I" would do was get to their place first, see how they are getting on. Then I would look around to see or ask the person if they needed something in particular and go out and get what they needed (food or other personal items).

I think one of the posters was correct that you delayed the whole process and then made it look like you got her a bunch of stuff (that she probably would not have needed in the first place) to kill time and then show the person what took you so long. If you did not want to be there in the first place then tell them you can't come.

You BOTH need to apologise to each other. Her reaction was more than likely based on moodiness and frustration of being sick but I also don't think it is polite to let someone wait around when they are expecting you at a certain time. If you are running late you call them first to let them know.

To be fair now mate, we have no idea of the distances involved. It was raining on that day, so can you blame someone for wanting to get the shopping done on the way, rather than get soaked twice?

I also find it bizarre, that you find the OPs journey bizarre. Are people not allowed to do their own thing, or must they live to every whim of their partner?

ShaShaBear

discus wrote: »

To be fair now mate, we have no idea of the distances involved. It was raining on that day, so can you blame someone for wanting to get the shopping done on the way, rather than get soaked twice?

I also find it bizarre, that you find the OPs journey bizarre. Are people not allowed to do their own thing, or must they live to every whim of their partner?

But we can blame them for not bothering to contact the sick person they are coming to visit to inform them that they would be late (in the OPs case, I can assume he was at least an hour over the 90 minutes, maybe even two. If my OH was two hours late meeting me with no contact, I'd go through him - sick or not. That's downright disrespectful.

a posse ad esse

discus wrote: »

To be fair now mate, we have no idea of the distances involved. It was raining on that day, so can you blame someone for wanting to get the shopping done on the way, rather than get soaked twice?

I also find it bizarre, that you find the OPs journey bizarre. Are people not allowed to do their own thing, or must they live to every whim of their partner?

It is not on a whim with a partner. If the person is sick as he desribed them to be well, yes I will get soaked twice. My primary concern would be for the person that is ill. I would not be going to the pub for a pint and chowder! If I was hungry I would have rather picked something up at the store go back to their place and cook something. I am sure his gf is going to need to eat too. Also if someone says they will be at there place and it's about 90 minutes, and she probably waited well over 3 hours, I am sure she wanted to know what happened. She probably got angry because she could hear him at the pub. If he was stuck in line at the grocery store when she called, I think her reaction would have been different. She probably felt that a pint was more important than her! I certainly am not saying the OP is all in the wrong. They BOTH are! One for him not having the consideration to call and tell her when he will arrive and his GF for reacting that way.

Like I said, if he really did not want to be there then why not tell her he cannot make it?

Stavro Mueller

I think this is an unfortunate case of bad judgement, poor communication and some frayed nerves. Both parties are right in some respects and wrong in others. It's all down to perception really. Some people find it strange that the OP hung around town doing some slightly odd errands and then went for a sit-down meal on his own in the local pub, all without keeping his girlfriend in the loop. Others will think that what he did was perfectly normal and what's all the fuss about. And there is the crux of the matter - what the OP thinks is normal behaviour doesn't coincide with what his girlfriend thinks. Neither is totally right, neither is totally wrong. It could simply be a clash of two different sets of values. The OP obviously didn't think that being an hour late was any big deal and it didn't even register with him to send her a text. She on the other hand might be someone who gets a bit stressed or annoyed if someone's not on time. Not necessarily because she's a control freak but because that's the way things are in her world.

What happened here isn't a hanging offence and I'm sure both will learn from the experience.

homemadecider

Jeepers, I can't imagine sitting in the pub eating chowder and drinking a pint if my OH was unwell and waiting for me to arrive. I would rushing to get there instead, to look after him and make sure he had everything he needed. No wonder she is mad at you. What were you thinking?!

Koptain Liverpool

homemadecider wrote: »

Jeepers, I can't imagine sitting in the pub eating chowder and drinking a pint if my OH was unwell and waiting for me to arrive. I would rushing to get there instead, to look after him and make sure he had everything he needed. No wonder she is mad at you. What were you thinking?!

Bollocks, complete bollocks. He was doing favors for her - did you not read that part???. He had food and pint so don't listen to this 'smelling of booze' rubbish OP. She was way out of line telling you to not bother calling over after you'd traveled to see her and done her a load of favors. It's not like she has a terminal illness or something! She sounds like hard work to be honest! You're in the right OP

ShaShaBear

Koptain Liverpool wrote: »

Bollocks, complete bollocks. He was doing favors for her - did you not read that part???. He had food and pint so don't listen to this 'smelling of booze' rubbish OP. She was way out of line telling you to not bother calling over after you'd traveled to see her and done her a load of favors. It's not like she has a terminal illness or something! She sounds like hard work to be honest! You're in the right OP

Did she know he was doing her favours?

Or was she sitting there feeling ill, perhaps staying awake specifically to let him in, and he was around two hours late with no notice?

Bit of perspective from her shoes wouldn't go amiss.

from_atozinc

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Did she know he was doing her favours?

Or was she sitting there feeling ill, perhaps staying awake specifically to let him in, and he was around two hours late with no notice?

Bit of perspective from her shoes wouldn't go amiss.

Lord god. This country is gone soft.

ShaShaBear

from_atozinc wrote: »

Lord god. This country is gone soft.

I seriously hope someone you are romantically-involved with never leaves you in the lurch for two hours with no explanation :P You might find it feels quite akin to either being stood up, or being worried that someone was in an accident. Especially if, ya know, you had feelings for them?

NeonCookies

OP I think this could all have been avoided with a simple text telling her you'd be late. You could have even made the waiting a bit better by saying "Be a little late, organizing some special surprises for you :-) " or something to that effect.

I'm not saying she didn't overreact (particularly after you told her why you were late) but she was sick and that can play havoc with emotions. If she can't move around easily, she must be very uncomfortable all the time, and that could easily make her irritable! I'd say she spent the extra time wondering where you were, got so worked up and angry or maybe even thought you had been in an accident, and then exploded when you told her you'd been wandering around the shops.

If this is just a one off incident, I'd just apologize and arrive up the next time with lots of special gifts ALREADY bought. When she gets better she may look back on the situation differently.

And as for the posts saying that the partner is controlling and that the OP can't "do his own thing" I honestly don't know where that opinion is coming from. He lives 90 minutes away. He said "I'll be leaving at X o'clock", therefore she'd be expecting him 90 minutes later! Note that she didn't text until AFTER he'd finished his activities, so it's not like she didn't give him any leeway. Unless there are other issues in the relationship (which we wouldn't know about anyway from the info given here) saying the girlfriend is "controlling" and that the OP should rethink the relationship is a complete overreaction IMO.

iguana

Koptain Liverpool wrote: »

He was doing favors for her - did you not read that part???.

Did you not read that part? "Doing favours for her" implies he was doing things that she actually asked him to do. He was arsing about shopping for things that he either had no idea that she wanted or needed; like random bits of groceries, buying things that it didn't make much sense to buy; like stamps when she wouldn't be able to get to a postbox and stuff for himself like chowder. None of those things fall under the heading of favours for her.

OP, I too would have to say your behaviour is more bizarre than not. Tbh, I think you were either avoiding her/the responsibility of caring for a sick person or you were so desperate to gain her praise you concocted a whole bunch of ways you could please her without actually thinking it through properly and only managed to upset her because clearly what she wanted was your company, not a bunch of stamps for letters she had no way of sending.

Koptain Liverpool

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I seriously hope someone you are romantically-involved with never leaves you in the lurch for two hours with no explanation :P You might find it feels quite akin to either being stood up, or being worried that someone was in an accident. Especially if, ya know, you had feelings for them?

I seriously hope I never become such a sap that I'll act like a big baby just because my girlfriend is running late.

Big Bag of Chips

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Esoteric_

I've been holding back from posting on this thread, because a lot of other posters have said what I'd say, but one point I want to make before I give any opinions/advice -

You say you didn't know that you were going to get a free pint with your chowder.

ANY bar offering a free pint with a bowl of chowder that costs little more than a fiver would have it advertised. I've never seen a pub that offers a free pint with their food NOT advertise it heavily. Aside from that, you didn't actually have to drink it.

You were in your girlfriend's town, so why couldn't you have managed another few minutes without food? Stopping off for a bowl of chowder is just strange, tbh. You could easily have grabbed a premade sandwich if you really were dying of hunger.

I don't think your girlfriend was being controlling. As another poster pointed out, you said you were leaving at X time, she waited til you were quite a bit later than expected to text you.

Why the need to buy stamps and loo roll? If she needed toilet roll, I'm sure she'd have told you! Washing up liquid was a bit silly to buy, she's not gonna be washing dishes if she's laid up in bed!


Honestly, I DO think your behaviour was very strange. If somebody told me they were sick and wanted me there, I'd be up there in a flash, offering to make them food and trying to make them comfortable. I wouldn't be pottering around buying random, pointless things for an hour and a half after I said I'd be there.

Tbh, how does it take so long to buy stamps, a greetings card, toilet roll and washing up liquid anyway? Did you really want to go up to see your girlfriend, or were you avoiding it? OR were you looking for praise?


I've been sick in the past, and my ex said he'd come over and look after me. He said he'd be there at 5. He arrived at half seven. BUT, he texted me to tell me he'd be late. And when he got there, he had done what you had done - gone shopping. However, he bought me things to help me and make me feel better, like pain killers, soup, magazines to stop me from being bored, a dvd, and things like that. Things that helped me, not stamps and toilet roll!

OP, I find your behaviour really bizzare, but she shouldn't have sent you home. That was a bit out of order. However, what was stopping you from sending a text to say you were running late? From what I read of the situation, you didn't really do these 'errands' for her, you did them for either praise or to avoid her. She didn't ask for anything, so why buy her things she didn't want? I think you were bang out of order to not at least send her a text to say you were running late.

December2012

Yep.

If you say you are coming up to her, you go to her.

You don't dilly dally around the town doing unasked for and unnecessary favours.

You were wrong and you should apologise.

Lorna123

This isn't a debate over whose opinion is the best but I think that the OP did what he did out of kindness for his g/f. He thought he was being considerate and he was doing what he thought was the right thing. We are all different and we all have different perspectives on what we think is the right thing and the OP thought he was doing the right thing. It doesn't matter what we think we would have done in the same circumstances. I really feel for the OP and I don't think he deserved to be abused by his g/f for what he did. Why shouldn't he go in for chowder and a pint if he felt he needed it for God's sake. There's no pleasing some people and that's the bottom line. He put a lot of thought into what he wanted to buy for his g/f and whether we agree or not that he bought the right things is irrelevant. He thought he was buying the right things. He was hoping his g/f would be delighted and it would give her a boost, what's wrong with that?

Esoteric_

Lorna123 wrote: »

This isn't a debate over whose opinion is the best but I think that the OP did what he did out of kindness for his g/f. He thought he was being considerate and he was doing what he thought was the right thing. We are all different and we all have different perspectives on what we think is the right thing and the OP thought he was doing the right thing. It doesn't matter what we think we would have done in the same circumstances. I really feel for the OP and I don't think he deserved to be abused by his g/f for what he did. Why shouldn't he go in for chowder and a pint if he felt he needed it for God's sake. There's no pleasing some people and that's the bottom line. He put a lot of thought into what he wanted to buy for his g/f and whether we agree or not that he bought the right things is irrelevant. He thought he was buying the right things. He was hoping his g/f would be delighted and it would give her a boost, what's wrong with that?

I think it's more the fact that he said he'd be leaving at X time, so would presumably be at her place at Y time, and showed up very late without bothering to text her to let her know.

Lorna123

Esoteric_ wrote: »

I think it's more the fact that he said he'd be leaving at X time, so would presumably be at her place at Y time, and showed up very late without bothering to text her to let her know.

Nothing stopping her from texting him to find out where he was but I don't think she was entitled to attack him and tell him to go home when she did. She was acting like he should be doing what she wanted him to do as if she owned him. :cool:

Esoteric_

Lorna123 wrote: »

Nothing stopping her from texting him to find out where he was but I don't think she was entitled to attack him and tell him to go home when she did. She was acting like he should be doing what she wanted him to do as if she owned him. :cool:

She DID text him...

I don't think anybody has said that the girlfriend was right in throwing him out (I think she was bang out of order to do that), but she wasn't acting like she owned him. She was expecting him at X time, he arrived at Z time, smelling of drink, with loo roll and stamps. If a bloke arrived to my house a few hours late, with a smell of beer from him and some stamps in his hand, I'd assume he was hammered. I'd let him stay, but I wouldn't be happy!

Lorna123

Esoteric_ wrote: »

She DID text him...

I don't think anybody has said that the girlfriend was right in throwing him out (I think she was bang out of order to do that), but she wasn't acting like she owned him. She was expecting him at X time, he arrived at Z time, smelling of drink, with loo roll and stamps. If a bloke arrived to my house a few hours late, with a smell of beer from him and some stamps in his hand, I'd assume he was hammered. I'd let him stay, but I wouldn't be happy!

If she was expecting him at Y time and he didn't arrive she could have texted him to find out where he was. So when she did finally text him he told her what he was doing and she attacked him. I don't think he was even in her presence at this stage for her to smell anything off him. If he was beside her she wouldn't have been texting him. Even if there was a smell of one beer off him this does not give her a right to come to the conclusion that he was neglecting her. He is entitled to have a beer when and how he likes. He might have told her that he had a chowder and a beer in his innocence not knowing that this would not have gone down well with her. How was he to know she was going to flip her lid. So she did flip her lid and he was insulted and rightly so and now they are both at loggerheads over who is right and wrong. He thought one thing and she thought the other, so they are at cross lines here. I am sure all of it is resolved now anyway between them.

pastorbarrett

In respect of the beer and chowder, one would imagine the aroma post-meal would be decidedly more fishy than alcoholic, but of course no-one will imply you're somehow irresponsible or an ingrate for consuming fish. A pint is a pint-you're hardly banging of beer or alcohol etc.

Anyways OP, I'd just compromise where this is concerned. I'd hardly classify your behaviour as 'bizarre', moreso erring on the inconsiderate in a non-malicious way. If it's not a feature of her character to respond in this way, I'd rack it up to impatience and frayed nerves owing to sickness. It sounds like she's in some level of discomfort, and god knows it's easy to be tetchy then.

Chucky the tree

Esoteric_ wrote: »

I've been sick in the past, and my ex said he'd come over and look after me. He said he'd be there at 5. He arrived at half seven. BUT, he texted me to tell me he'd be late. And when he got there, he had done what you had done - gone shopping. However, he bought me things to help me and make me feel better, like pain killers, soup, magazines to stop me from being bored, a dvd, and things like that. Things that helped me, not stamps and toilet roll!
.

He did do most of that.

BizarreOrNot wrote: »

Then I walked back through the town (rain, wind) searching for the funniest greetings card I could find in any of the shops. I got some scratch cards and stuff for her to send with the gifts, some magazines to read, some food and some basic home stuff for living

Esoteric_ wrote: »

She DID text him...

I don't think anybody has said that the girlfriend was right in throwing him out (I think she was bang out of order to do that), but she wasn't acting like she owned him. She was expecting him at X time, he arrived at Z time, smelling of drink, with loo roll and stamps. If a bloke arrived to my house a few hours late, with a smell of beer from him and some stamps in his hand, I'd assume he was hammered. I'd let him stay, but I wouldn't be happy!

Hard to take someone seriously when they blow the situation ridiculously over the top like this. When does a person ever smell of drink after one pint?

Esoteric_

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Hard to take someone seriously when they blow the situation ridiculously over the top like this. When does a person ever smell of drink after one pint?

It's not ridiculously over the top. I haven't said he went in drunk, ffs. Plenty of people smell like drink after one pint, myself included.

wallycharlo

Chucky the tree wrote: »

When does a person ever smell of drink after one pint?

If someone who has not also been drinking encouters someone who has had even just one pint, shortly after they have drank it, then that person will very likely smell the alcohol, and all the more so if it's up close and indoors.

That said, my own opinion is the the pint issue is getting far too much focus in this thread, as someone else pointed out if it had been a pint of something non-alcholic then it would have been a non-issue.