who pays for weddings

MungoMan

I know every case is different.

Is it the norm for the father of the bride to pay

Ive seen a case recently where the father of the bride paid the reception costs which cost around 20k

I assume it cant be the norm because some parents wont have the financial resources and/or wont feel the obligation to pay

Personally, i got married in a registry office with just 2 witnesses present, the issue didnt arise

dtipp

I'm afraid you're about 20 years too late if you think the father of the bride is going to pay for the wedding.

I suppose it still happens here and there, but now-a-days, it's the couple that are getting married that pay. If they are not able to pay for the wedding, what the hell are they doing getting married.

You can pay anything from a few hundred quid to tens of thousands to get married, so it's whatever your own budget allows I suppose.

lazygal

We paid for everything as it was clear money offered from the parents came with strings attached. So we wanted to make sure we had the day we wanted, not that which our parents did.
I only know of one bride who's father pays for everything, most couples nowadays either foot the bill themselves or get a contribution from parents, but the father of the bride days are long gone.

MungoMan

cheers for the replies, in the case im talking about, the father of the bride paid for the reception only, but just thinking about it, hotel reception costs are the biggest cost in most weddings.

tinkerbell

OP, in fairness what does it matter and what business is it of anybody regarding who pays for a person's wedding? Some couples pay for their weddings. Others get a financial contribution from their parents (which can be for the entire wedding or part of it). Does it really matter though?

MungoMan

tinkerbell wrote: »

OP, in fairness what does it matter and what business is it of anybody regarding who pays for a person's wedding? Some couples pay for their weddings. Others get a financial contribution from their parents (which can be for the entire wedding or part of it). Does it really matter though?

Saying it doesnt matter is a really funny thing to say

It matters to the couple getting married and it matters to the parents of the bride

Certainly you are right, its nobodys business, apart from the couple getting married, and the parents of the bride

looksee

MungoMan wrote: »

Saying it doesnt matter is a really funny thing to say

It matters to the couple getting married and it matters to the parents of the bride

I suppose you are right it doesnt matter to everyone else

(that's strange, why didn't the quote include the bit about Barrak Obama?)

Not funny at all, it matters to the couple and the parents only if they are working on a basis of what 'other people' do. If they are deciding on a basis of what they can afford and what the parents want to do, then it doesn't matter what other people do.

Edit, original edited so the above only makes partial sense!

pwurple

We paid for our own. My parents put me up and fed me for 20 years... That's plenty contribution.

tinkerbell

MungoMan wrote: »

Saying it doesnt matter is a really funny thing to say

It matters to the couple getting married and it matters to the parents of the bride

Certainly you are right, its nobodys business, apart from the couple getting married, and the parents of the bride

Yes it is the business of the couple and their parents only. You started this thread asking if this is the norm, but why does it bother you? You said yourself that you got married already so I don't understand why this is an issue or why it is relevant to anybody who pays for what when they are not directly involved.



If a couple want to get married, they have to consider their finances in setting out a budget. If their parents decide to contribute, then they can decide on how their wedding will be with the added contribution. But it is completely up to the parents to decide if they can or can't contribute. Some parents just don't have the money. So if a couple is pissed off that they aren't getting money from their parents when their friends' parents is paying for their friends' wedding, then they are idiots. It's like comparing someone who can only afford to holiday in Ireland with someone who travels around the world for their holidays and that is just pointless.

amdublin

Initially, in my opinion the b&g pay upfront but at the end of the day it is the guests who pay for the whole thing I.e. The presents. And if you're really "lucky" you end up making money on your wedding party :rolleyes:

lazygal

amdublin wrote: »

Initially, in my opinion the b&g pay upfront but at the end of the day it is the guests who pay for the whole thing I.e. The presents. And if you're really "lucky" you end up making money on your wedding party :rolleyes:

I don't know any couple, apart from one very tightfisted one who boasted of having done so, who's guests 'covered the costs'. Certainly not these days, smaller cash gifts, household items and cards with no gift at all are commonplace. We had our day saved for entirely.

Gatica

I agree that it's like comparing apples and oranges, who paid for whose wedding over there across the road or whatever... but I guess people do tend to be guided by what they thing is accepted norm around them.

We paid for our wedding ourselves. We saved for almost 2 years, had the wedding we wanted and were pleasantly surprised to get very generous gifts from parents and guests. That wasn't to cover weddings costs, it went into savings and was the equivalent of about 1/4 of our wedding cost. We didn't do it to make money on it. Can't see how we could've unless we went with a really cheap wedding, and even then I don't think we'd have been "turning a profit" on it.
It's disgraceful to see it as a business transaction, both from a personal point of view (you're getting married to the person you love to solidify the relationship if you will not make money) and a friendship point of view (who throws a party and expects guests, made up of family and friends, to pay for it?).

im invisible

Gatica wrote: »

It's disgraceful to see it as a business transaction,

but traditionally, thats just what it was

amdublin

Gatica wrote: »

It's disgraceful to see it as a business transaction, both from a personal point of view (you're getting married to the person you love to solidify the relationship if you will not make money) and a friendship point of view (who throws a party and expects guests, made up of family and friends, to pay for it?).

I know, it's desperate, but you see it all the time - people asking for cash instead of gifts etc.

helimachoptor

My wifes parents offered to pay (rural ireland and could have afforded it)
However we both have pretty decent jobs (but even if we didnt we wouldnt have accepted their offer).

It's still pretty common tbh

username123

amdublin wrote: »

Initially, in my opinion the b&g pay upfront but at the end of the day it is the guests who pay for the whole thing I.e. The presents. And if you're really "lucky" you end up making money on your wedding party :rolleyes:

I dont know anyone who this has happened to.

Certainly my own wedding we were given some cash gifts but only about 1/3 of the cost - although it was a non traditional party.

But Ive never heard of it actually happening in reality, I wonder if its one of those things that people just say.

John Mason

username123 wrote: »

I dont know anyone who this has happened to.

Certainly my own wedding we were given some cash gifts but only about 1/3 of the cost - although it was a non traditional party.

But Ive never heard of it actually happening in reality, I wonder if its one of those things that people just say.

It happend to us, we had our wedding fully paid before the day (no bank loans/credit cards - paid for with cash).

We received cash gifts of twice what the wedding cost us even though we thoguht we told everyone presents were not necessary

username123

John Mason wrote: »

It happend to us, we had our wedding fully paid before the day (no bank loans/credit cards - paid for with cash).

We received cash gifts of twice what the wedding cost us even though we thoguht we told everyone presents were not necessary

Would you mind giving an idea of the numbers? Cost of the wedding and number of guests? And what year? (was it height of the celtic tiger?).

I would think you are the exception rather than the norm.

Gatica

I guess it can happen, we had a relatively "expensive" wedding so we were very unlikely to ever have gifts "covering" the wedding as is often done or calculated by guests.

im invisible wrote: »

but traditionally, thats just what it was

Yes, I suppose the family/father "sold" the daughter over titles and lands or getting some kind of reward. However, I certainly think in modern Ireland that is not the case when people are entering into marriage out of love.

Vojera

We paid for our own. We saved like mad and didn't go into debt and had the whole thing paid for before the day rolled around. We had told people not to give us anything as they had to travel, so any gifts we got were an added bonus. We certainly didn't make back the cost of the wedding, but it definitely helped us feel better about our bank balance!

Neither set of parents could have afforded to help us out anyway, but I'm glad of that because there were a few interfering moments where we were able to put the foot down and tell them that we were paying for it so it was ultimately our decision.

I know one couple who took out a loan and the bride's parents also took out a loan, and the day after they were still going through cards to scrape together the money to clear the hotel bill. I was always told that you should never rely on presents to pay for a party, but they obviously didn't get the same message.

John Mason

username123 wrote: »

Would you mind giving an idea of the numbers? Cost of the wedding and number of guests? And what year? (was it height of the celtic tiger?).

I would think you are the exception rather than the norm.

It was 2012, i am not going to give you the cost of the wedding.

there was around 50'ish for dinner, and about 100'ish for the afters

username123

John Mason wrote: »

It was 2012, i am not going to give you the cost of the wedding.

there was around 50'ish for dinner, and about 100'ish for the afters

Fair enough, nothing can be deduced without an idea of numbers and an average per head cost versus gift. It could have cost 2k in which case we can say your guests gave very little or it could have cost 50k in which case you had rich and generous guests!

Although 50ish is a small wedding so I imagine the cost was a lot lower than numbers that get thrown around like an average of 16k.

Im not trying to pry into your finances btw just wondered if Eddie Hobbs and his "the more guests the more likely youll turn a profit due to fixed costs not changing per guest numbers" was applicable here or were you just an exceptional case where your guests were very generous or your costs were low.

I would be inclined to think the latter, particularly given your reluctance to say it and the fact it was 2012 where a lot of celtic tiger costs had come down.

Gatica

the thing is, lots of people talk in terms of "covering the cost of the meal", i.e. you get that said in many threads about what to give as a gift etc...

However, the meal is only a part of the cost of the wedding. There's the reception if it wasn't included in the hotel package, the ceremony-associated costs, attire, band and any other entertainment. I'm not saying guests are covering cost of it just that these are other wedding costs that are quite significant.
Honeymoon is often also included as part of a wedding budget, though tbh it probably becomes your main holiday for the year, although admittedly probably a little more indulgent. Our Honeymoon was 1/4 of our budget, it was the longest we'll probably ever be off work and we made a trip out of it.

username123

Gatica wrote: »

the thing is, lots of people talk in terms of "covering the cost of the meal", i.e. you get that said in many threads about what to give as a gift etc...

The meal is usually not a high cost in terms of a per head. Ive seen menus where its 35-55 euro a head - thats just the meal. Some places cost it out as a cost per guest, and with more guests, that cost balances lower per head because the fixed costs dont change.

But if you take an average of 16k as a price of a wedding (I saw that in some newspaper last year) and an average number of guests at 150 - thats going to mean that you have to get 106.6 euro per head to cover the costs. Per head. So thats over 200 per couple. Which is very high - imo. Most people I know couldnt afford to give that as the gift - it would be more likely to be 100-150. Or an actual gift - because some people will do this. Now granted you might get the odd guest who gives above average, but imo you would be doing very very well to get over 100 euro a head for 150 guests at a wedding.

And that 16k is an average, most of my friends report much higher than that - 20-25k with a similar number of guests - so I really cant see those numbers computing - who gives over 330 euro per couple as a wedding gift?

Gatica

is there a reason you're trying to gather all this research or you just really really curious?

I agree that broken down like that it's obvious why most people would still be in the same boat as the rest of us of having had to save or pay for the wedding ourselves and not rely on gifts.

There may be a minority that can get a 35pp menu (some hotels do offer fairly inclusive packages for this amount especially for larger weddings) and have 300 guests, who - if they're mostly friends of the parents and if the parents are from the more-well-off circles - would probably be able to "make money" on it.

We had lots of guests who gave 100pp. Not to an extent that we were well off after, but just because it seemed like a lot of people by comparison to what we might've thought. We got lots of pretty things for the house and kitchen also. Some people didn't give anything at all, the only reason we noticed was when writing thank you cards. It didn't matter cos their attendance was the main thing for us and that's what we wanted to thank them for primarily.

username123

Gatica wrote: »

is there a reason you're trying to gather all this research or you just really really curious?

Im not sure if youre asking me or the OP this? For my part I think its a myth that guests cover the cost of a wedding as asserted in this thread and I was just musing aloud why I think this is so with back of envelope numbers. The only person who said that it did happen for them wont give numbers so there is no way of knowing if it was an exception or not.

Mostly I think the couple pay. In some cases there are larger or smaller contributions from parents.

Personally I despise the Eddie Hobbs "more guests make a profit" notion that used to get thrown around back in the celtic tiger days. I remember a guy in my office was having a wedding with 320 guests. He only knew half of them. When I told him Id hate to get married with a load of strangers he didnt understand it.

Gatica

username123 wrote: »

Im not sure if youre asking me or the OP this?

LOL, both as I had assumed you were the OP without checking.

I totally agree with what you said above....

pwurple

username123 wrote: »

who gives over 330 euro per couple as a wedding gift?

The wealthy, the middle/upper classes, old money, DINKy's.

username123

pwurple wrote: »

The wealthy, the middle/upper classes, old money, DINKy's.

So just TDs and the like then

pwurple

username123 wrote: »

So just TDs and the like then

Hah, exactly. Except they are usually too busy at funerals to attend weddings.

Petey89

username123 wrote: »

I dont know anyone who this has happened to.

Certainly my own wedding we were given some cash gifts but only about 1/3 of the cost - although it was a non traditional party.

But Ive never heard of it actually happening in reality, I wonder if its one of those things that people just say.

It happened to my sister, she and her husband had everything paid for, but on the day they got plenty of cash in cards, the wedding basically paid for itself I think she had about 250 quests, most people I know give money. the days of giving household appliances and cutlery are gone by the time people get married now they have there house built or bought and everything in it.

Gatica

I guess it's defo looking like the more guests the more likely you are to break even or profit.

lazygal

Gatica wrote: »

I guess it's defo looking like the more guests the more likely you are to break even or profit.

Eddie Hobbs gave this sage advice to a couple on one of his shows. :rolleyes:

username123

Gatica wrote: »

I guess it's defo looking like the more guests the more likely you are to break even or profit.

lazygal wrote: »

Eddie Hobbs gave this sage advice to a couple on one of his shows. :rolleyes:

Yeah, thats why I was asking the other poster about the numbers above.

Although the one person I did know with the 320 guests, didnt know most of them, and some of the gifts were just tokens - a card with 40 quid from grand aunt Bessie twice removed kind of thing. He said he also noticed that there were less gifts than guests when they were doing thank you cards. So it might not be as economical as Eddie thinks!