Sex issues

Anonymous Account 2013

Ok so I had to register under a new account as I'm living in Australia for the last 1.5 years and boards won't allow me to post unregistered if my IP address is out of Ireland.

Anyways, I would just like your advice please. Sorry if this may come across as over graphic.

I'm currently with my girlfriend for 6 months and things are going great except for the sex. There's a few issues that I'm having.

One, is that she doesn't shave her private parts. I've never been with a girl before that hasn't shaved down there and I find it a complete turn off. So much so, that I've never went down on her. I even find it a turn off during sex and it has come to the point where I resist sex sometimes due to the feeling of hairs down there. I would really like her to shave it off and would love to ask her but she seems very shy when it comes to her body and sex. She still at the point where she won't get fully naked in front of me with the lights on and even turns around when she's getting dressed. I find it increasingly difficult to talk openingly about sex with her. I wouldn't even know how to approach the topic of asking her in a nice way to shave without offending her.

This also brings me to my 2nd issue. She also refuses to go down on me. I've asked her numerous times before and she just changes the subject without discussing it. I find it very selfish to ask her to go down on me if I can't return the favour so I no longer ask or receive. This is becoming a near deal breaker for me and find myself extremely sexually frustrated. It becoming to the stage now when I see her more as a good friend rather than a sexual partner.

Does anybody have any advice. I would love to bring these issues up with her but really dont want to offend her since she is extemely nice and friendly towards me. I can tell that she really loves me and she even talks about coming back home to Ireland with me once my visa is up. However, I dont think I can take it to the next level without a good sex life. I keep telling myself to pick up the courage but unsure how to approach the subject.

Irish_Elect_Eng

To be honest, this seems to me much more like a communications issue than a sex issue. How do you normally communicate as a couple on difficult issues or is this the first time that a difficult issue has arisen in your relationship. If so this is a good time to work on your communications. You will need to be sensitive and caring in bringing up this discussion.

Please remember that this is about YOUR preferences, not something she is doing wrong. It is perfectly natural not to shave / lady garden. But equally, there is nothing wrong with you expressing your preferences for shaving or even oral sex.

Bring you sex-life up in a loving discussion in a non-threatening environment, at a time when you are both in the mood to talk, explain how you are feeling that she may not be enjoying sex as much as you and ask her why or ask he what you could do to make her sex-life better. Leave the topic of what you want until you understand her feelings about sex in general as a base-line for your discussion. Give without hoping to receive and perhaps you can arrive at the point where she asks you what she can do for your?

Ideally, if you can talk to her openly and without hang-up, which can be hard for us Irish :-)

I would be concerned if you start the she-wont-so -I wont line, there can be many reasons why people develop their beliefs and behaviors and working through them can take time. Beware of any game playing as it will not work towards a solution for you.

It sounds like she's inexperienced?

With regards to her going down on you, I'd suggest you just make sure you're 100% clean down there at all times, give her some time to become more comfortable in bed and then broach the issue gently when you think she might be ready. Don't push it though, I've known a lot of guys who didn't understand why a lot of girls don't like doing it, and they were very insensitive about it when one of the girls we know admitted she'd never done it because she thought it was disgusting.

As for not shaving down there, I was pretty wild down there when I had my first boyfriend (because I just literally didn't know what to do with it, and I was embarrassed that if I did, it'd end up looking ridiculous), and in retrospect, he did make subtle hints that he'd like me to shave it. Too subtle, and I never realised until after we broke up and I had already started waxing it. You need to be gentle yet clear. Shaving down there is going to expose her more, something she's clearly not yet comfortable with. Is there any way you could make her more comfortable first?

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if she's still uncomfortable with being naked around you, there are bigger issues you need to deal with first before you broach these other issues.

Sleepy

Life's too short to stay with someone you don't enjoy sex with.

Someone that's too hung up about sex to allow you to see her naked isn't going to become a satisfying sexual partner any time soon and when neither of you are capable of discussing your sex life, it's never going to happen.

I'd end the relationship OP. Life's too short.

LegacyUser

Anonymous Account 2013 wrote: »

One, is that she doesn't shave her private parts. I've never been with a girl before that hasn't shaved down there and I find it a complete turn off. So much so,<b> that I've never went down on her</b>. I even find it a turn off during sex and it has come to the point where I resist sex sometimes due to the feeling of hairs down there. I would really like her to shave it off and would love to ask her but she seems very shy when it comes to her body and sex. She still at the point where she won't get fully naked in front of me with the lights on and even turns around when she's getting dressed. I find it increasingly difficult to talk openingly about sex with her. I wouldn't even know how to approach the topic of asking her in a nice way to shave without offending her.

This also brings me to my 2nd issue. <b>She also refuses to go down on me. I've asked her numerous times before and she just changes the subject</b> without discussing it. I find it very selfish to ask her to go down on me if I can't return the favour so I no longer ask or receive. This is becoming a near deal breaker for me and find myself extremely sexually frustrated. It becoming to the stage now when I see her more as a good friend rather than a sexual partner.

You won't go down on her and haven't discussed why with her but are annoyed she won't go down on your and won't discuss the issue? Have you considered she may have the same issues with going down on you that you have with her?

Look she sounds inexperienced but you are both adults so either you can discuss your sex life like adults or the relationship really isn't going to develop and go any further and you should just jump ship. You can of course ask her to shave but you can't force her to so you will have to make the choice if it's really that massive a deal breaker for you. As long as everything down there is kept washed and clean there is no hygienic reason to shave or not to shave, it's a preference. I know some are going to come along and go all ewww hair down there is nasty but the reality is from a hygiene view point it makes no difference, removing it is purely fashion based. Now if it's something you can't get past OP that's totally fine, it's not different to not being attracted to men with hair backs etc. All you can do is have an open frank talk about it but if you find it's her preference not to shave/wax that area you can't force her.

Of course if it's something she's just never considered doing before and is shy about removing hair and you don't want to offend her consider making it a fun couples thing to go get waxed together. She gets waxed and a good laugh watching you getting waxed [assuming OP you don't already wax of course] and later in the bedroom it's a way to encourage her to touch your genitals and hopefully through mutual talking and guidance you can both enjoy giving and receiving oral sex.

ivytwine

Bite the bullet and ask her, the worst she can say is no.

My ex asked me and I'm glad he did. I've kept it that way ever since and it really heightens sensation. Sell it to her like that and she might well be convinced!

And talk to her outside the bedroom about the oral thing. Maybe she just is intimidated by it, maybe she had a bad experience... But if you don't talk to her about it you won't find out. And maybe establish some ground rules about it, like no swallowing.

I can understand why you're embarrassed but you've already had sex with this girl, nothing to cringe about. Being open means good sex for all concerned!

LegacyUser

Problems down under hey?:)
Well my suggestion would be that you could say it's always been a fantasies of yours to shave a woman down below. A little white lie I know. Tell her it would turn your on. Then when it's done afterwards you can keep saying how when she is shaved it drives you wild. Tell her that you love going down on her, then compliment about how smooth and bare it is. If this isn't even to motivate her to shave then I don't know what is! If it's done in a sexy way then she should get the hint without being offended and the awkward conversation never took place. This would be a good solution for a shy girl.

Tigger99

hairsolution wrote: »

Problems down under hey?:)
Well my suggestion would be that you could say it's always been a fantasies of yours to shave a woman down below. A little white lie I know. Tell her it would turn your on. Then when it's done afterwards you can keep saying how when she is shaved it drives you wild. Tell her that you love going down on her, then compliment about how smooth and bare it is. If this isn't even to motivate her to shave then I don't know what is! If it's done in a sexy way then she should get the hint without being offended and the awkward conversation never took place. This would be a good solution for a shy girl.

I dont think thats a good idea. What if the razor slipped when you shaved her? There are so many reasons why this is a bad idea.

Cupcake_Crisis

Op, just bite the bullet and talk to her.You're just going to end up going around in circles otherwise. As has already been said, this is a matter of preference, no one is to blame, so just be as honest and tactful as possible.

And remember, shaving down there is a complete pain in the hoop for women, so if she goes ahead with it for you, do something nice to say thank you

smash

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

And remember, shaving down there is a complete pain in the hoop for women

Literally?

Lorna123

I really think that shaving down there is ridiculous. We all have hairy genitals so nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. It is all only natural. I never thought of doing it. I don't think you are compatible with this girl OP. You like certain things a certain way and can't get past that. If you are desperate you could ask her to do the things you want her to do but if she doesn't want to and doesn't feel comfortable about it and you can't live with that then I think you should separate.

ShaShaBear

Lorna123 wrote: »

I really think that shaving down there is ridiculous. We all have hairy genitals so nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. It is all only natural. I never thought of doing it. I don't think you are compatible with this girl OP. You like certain things a certain way and can't get past that. If you are desperate you could ask her to do the things you want her to do but if she doesn't want to and doesn't feel comfortable about it and you can't live with that then I think you should separate.

I don't completely agree, in that I've always found that I feel a lot cleaner with mine shaved (discharge, period and general sweatiness clinging to a mountain of pubic hair and stuffed into knickers and jeans all day is just plain nasty :pac: ) and as soon as I could avail of the opportunity to shave it, I did. However, I do agree that if you absolutely cannot get past her lady garden, and it's turning you off, you need to either confront her or let her go.

As for her not giving you oral, maybe look to yourself on this one? Do you shave? Do you keep yourself clean after you use the toilet? There's nothing more gross than tasting, or even smelling dried urine on a man's danglies before anything sexual happens. This, and/or an unkempt crotch bush would completely put me off oral sex.

Lorna123

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I don't completely agree, in that I've always found that I feel a lot cleaner with mine shaved (discharge, period and general sweatiness clinging to a mountain of pubic hair and stuffed into knickers and jeans all day is just plain nasty :pac: ) and as soon as I could avail of the opportunity to shave it, I did. However, I do agree that if you absolutely cannot get past her lady garden, and it's turning you off, you need to either confront her or let her go.

As for her not giving you oral, maybe look to yourself on this one? Do you shave? Do you keep yourself clean after you use the toilet? There's nothing more gross than tasting, or even smelling dried urine on a man's danglies before anything sexual happens. This, and/or an unkempt crotch bush would completely put me off oral sex.

I understand how you might think that but that's why we wash ourselves.

StillWaters

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I don't completely agree, in that I've always found that I feel a lot cleaner with mine shaved (discharge, period and general sweatiness clinging to a mountain of pubic hair and stuffed into knickers and jeans all day is just plain nasty :pac: ) and as soon as I could avail of the opportunity to shave it.

There is nothing nasty about pubic hair. That is a very unhealthy attitude to have. I'm from a generation that had bikini waxes to keep it tidy, and just kept it clean thereafter. Didn't affect my or any of my peers sex life. Men weren't demanding hairless crotches then and we had and have fantastic time between the sheets, believe it or not.

I despair at the pressures young women are under now.

ShaShaBear

StillWaters wrote: »

There is nothing nasty about pubic hair. That is a very unhealthy attitude to have. I'm from a generation that had bikini waxes to keep it tidy, and just kept it clean thereafter. Didn't affect my or any of my peers sex life. Men weren't demanding hairless crotches then and we had and have fantastic time between the sheets, believe it or not.

I despair at the pressures young women are under now.

My own personal opinion, and certainly not due to any pressure. Each to their own, and certainly not an unhealthy attitude.

LegacyUser

When I had my first sexual relationship all I ever did was trim down there. It was kept neat and tidy but it never really occurred to me to have it waxed off. As I got a bit older I became curious about brazilian waxes and went for my first one 3 years ago. I've been going every 4 weeks ever since! I just love how it feels and honestly for me I do feel like sex is better now. This is just a personal preference of course but it's possible that if she tried it once she'd be hooked. My boyfriend loves that I wax it all off and I love the feeling so it works fine for us.

I would say to just say it to her. Not in a mean way or critical way and if she says she isn't interested in shaving/waxing it then leave the subject alone. But the next time you're lying with her just ask if she ever tried a brazilian wax. Just gauge her reaction and don't tell her to do it. Just say something like you were thinking about getting things tidied up down there yourself and are a bit nervous so want her advice on it. She'll get the hint. The oral sex thing sounds like inexperience and a fear of doing it wrong. I can relate if I think about my first relationship. Honestly, just say it. My current partner and I talk about sex very openly and it was a bit of a weird adjustment at first but I'm so glad now as we have a lot of fun together in that regard!

Meller

I think you should try to make her feel more confident before asking her to wax or shave!!! I mean, seriously, it's essentially criticising her when she's already shy and uncomfortable! I know, I've been in a situation reminiscent of this where I've had those 'hints' and it just made me feel worse, and my confidence dropped even further. You need to make her feel like you actually want to be with her and are attracted to her, and see the signs that she's responding, before asking her to change!

I also think if the hair is *such* a big turn off, even just during sex, you should make some attempt to get past this. I mean, it's a big hassle for her to start keeping it regularly shaved and NEVER have hair down there, and to just do that 'at your demand' (regardless of whether she might potentially like it or not) seems a bit unreasonable. And a lot of girls aren't going going to just be constantly hairless down there - it grows fast, y'know. I can understand being SLIGHTLY turned off, but something that's quite natural in the first place shouldn't make you not want sex AT ALL. Maybe you're just not very attracted to this girl.

Firstly, make her feel good! Compliment her and her body, outside a sexual environment too!!! Make her feel like you want to see her naked, and not just while you're having sex. Build up her confidence. Secondly, ask about her opinions on going down on you when you aren't being sexual. Does she think it's disgusting, has she done it before etc... maybe your hair is turning her off!!!

smash

All these people saying it's natural... That's not the issue, the issue is that he doesn't like it. Seriously, he has a preference and that's that.

LegacyUser

OP, if you want to learn something from relationship, start from this relationship. Start from openly discuss something with your partner and get a middle ground.

If you just want to find a girl who suits you, free her to find a man who's brave and honest enough to communicate his needs without thinking her less.

Big Bag of Chips

smash, you've had two posts on this thread, neither of which offered any advice to the OP.

PI/RI is an advice forum. Please familiarise yourself with The Charter before posting again.

Everyone else, can we keep the general discussion about the merits (or not) of waxing, out of the thread please, as none of it is actually relevant to the OP. If you want to continue the discussion amongst yourselves, take it to PM.

Addle

StillWaters wrote: »

I despair at the pressures young women are under now.

Porn has a lot to answer for!

I read somewhere lately that the current waxing trends have lead to an increase in the spread of STIs.

smash wrote: »

All these people saying it's natural... That's not the issue, the issue is that he doesn't like it. Seriously, he has a preference and that's that.

If your not sexually attracted to your girlfriend OP, then maybe your current relationship is just not one that's meant to last.

kylith

Addle wrote: »

Porn has a lot to answer for!

I read somewhere lately that the current waxing trends have lead to an increase in the spread of STIs.

STIs and general infections due to ingrown hairs and nicks and scratches from shaving getting infected due to the moist nature of the knickers area. Not to mention the itching.

OP, I recommend first getting her confidence up in relation to letting you see her naked, when she is comfortable around you like that you could then move on to trimming the bush, with a view to suggesting trying hairlessness in the future. Don't push it or you're likely to wind up making her more self concious and set her further back.

If it really is that big an issue for you that you can't wait for her to become comfortable in her own time then I think you should accept that ye are not sexually compatible and go your separate ways.

Lorna123

I also can't see how attractive a lot of stubble down there would be. Unless a woman shaves that area every day there would be regrowth, just like a man's face who doesn't shave every day. I shudder to think how that would feel in a man's tender area. I would also not like to have the job of shaving down there every day. I would not like if my partner asked me to do it and there is no way that I would do it.

I also would have thought that a relationship with a person is far better than a relationship with body parts.

If you love someone then surely you can enjoy the intimacy of making love without having to have certain physical conditions.

Your request OP would make me feel like a piece of meat. Sorry !!!

Taltos

Addle & ted1 - I have issued warnings to you both and have deleted the offending posts.
Per the previous mod warning this is an advice forum, not a discussion forum. Discussions do very little to help the OP.

This is a strictly moderated forum, we take all forum breaches very seriously.

Taltos

ivytwine

Op you are not unreasonable in your request IMO. For example some people have a lot of body hair and it is off putting, especially if they're very dark. There is nothing wrong with what you find attractive/ don't find attractive.

As you are in Australia, waxing is very common over there due to the beach culture. Your girlfriend can try non-strip waxes which makes the process easier and less painful. Traditional paper wax is almost obsolete there, Ireland is a little behind.

No-one in my opinion should shave their private area, it's impossible and uncomfortable to maintain. When you say shaved, you almost certainly mean waxed.

As I said earlier, open up to your girlfriend. She could just be uncertain and very shy. If she finds a good beautician (my own makes me laugh so much I come out with sore sides as opposed to anything else) hair removal could help improve her confidence rather than make her feel like some tool of patriarchal repression.

LegacyUser

OP, I think you're being quite unreasonable.

You won't go down on her because she has pubic hair but you want her to go down on you? Do you have public hair? Please tell me you're smooth and hairless down there or else you've being completely hypocritical. From a female perspective nothing uglier than a big manly bush either. You've even asked her directly to do down on you and she won't. That's possibly because you asked. I love going down on men but one thing for sure, when a man asks me to do it I lose the desire to, not quite sure why but it angers me. If I want to do it I will, if I'm not doing it it's not because you didn't ask but because I don't want to. In my world there's no surer way for a man to miss out on a blowjob and thats to ask for it.

It sounds to me like the girl is inexperienced and lacking in confidence and I don't think that you making suggestions of her to either wax/shave or go down on you will help this confidence, if anything its somewhat pressurising and could make her feel either used or else thats shes not satisfying you in bed.. I suggest you talk openly to her about it and you need to be willing to do one of two things IMO:

1) Suggest you get waxed together - you've to do it too my friend
or
2) Go down on her, hair or not, if you want her to do the same.

At the moment it seems like you're pretty selfish, you expect of her what you're not willing to do yourself. It's possible she's well aware of this and maybe thats the turn off for her.

Best of luck.

cealabeala

Pubic hair seems like a silly reason to end a relationship, but I think if you can't accept this woman's ability to feel ok enough in her own skin so that she doesn't feel the need to shave herself to look like a child then maybe you should. Find someone who has internalised the idea that women should police their own bodies in order to look like porn stars, there are plenty of them unfortunately, but in my opinion, your revulsion at the feel of pubic hair is an unreasonable preference.

As for the oral sex issue, obviously oral is really important to you but if she dislikes it so much, would you really want her to do something she hates? Would that actually be sexy? Probably not.

You say you don't go down on her, do you make her come at all? Is it a reasonably even split between who gets to orgasm? Because if she's not you might want to look outside your own "needs" to see how happy you make her in bed before feeling hard done by.

ivytwine

I think the advice here would be very different if the genders were reversed: if a girl said she didn't want to go down on a guy cos he was hairy I think a lot of people would tell her to ask him to shave it off. Or if he had back hair or whatever.

A brunette can have hair on the top of her thighs, her belly, even her nipples for crying out loud. Yes it's not natural to remove it, but take that argument to its logical conclusion and we wouldn't cut our nails or (head) hair.

I think this is about way more than pubic hair. There is a lack of communication here that is hindering their sex life from reaching its potential. One of them is going to have to start that conversation, and it's probably going to have to be the op.

Op, I also hope you tell your girlfriend she is beautiful and all the things you like about her. There is nothing like a genuine compliment from those you love to make a woman feel like a woman, not a girl.

cealabeala

ivytwine wrote: »

I think the advice here would be very different if the genders were reversed: if a girl said she didn't want to go down on a guy cos he was hairy I think a lot of people would tell her to ask him to shave it off. Or if he had back hair or whatever.

A brunette can have hair on the top of her thighs, her belly, even her nipples for crying out loud. Yes it's not natural to remove it, but take that argument to its logical conclusion and we wouldn't cut our nails or (head) hair.

Yes because there is a complete double standard in what is expected of men and women. All women are pressured to remove body hair while for men it is much more of a choice and much more accepted. A man to be asked to remove hair is not part of a much wider unfair trend in our society.

Catkins407

If I HAD to shave or HAD to perform oral sex for my boyfriend to be happy then that would be a deal breaker for me. Nothing will happen unless you talk to her. You can ASK her if she would try shaving and see if she likes it or ask her if she has ever shaved in the past? Secondly if she doesn't like oral or want to give it to you then that's not something you can change. I wouldn't like my partner to do something he didn't enjoy himself too. If she doesn't want to try either then the decision is up to you if you want to stay in that relationship.

I am assuming that as oral sex and shaving are deal breakers then the rest of your relationship isn't fulfilling ? In other words that the other areas of your relationships are worth losing for two sexual preferences?

If you really like this girl then perhaps patience and learning to grow together sexually and learning to communicate and where to find compromise and middle ground may be the better option? No relationship is perfect in every area after six months .

Anonymous Account 2013

Thanks guys. OP here. I really appreciate all your opinions and advice.

First off, she is unexperienced. She's not a virgin but I'm her first boyfriend. Not that any of that matters to me but it could be a factor for lack of oral sex and the pubic hair.

I do believe there is a big communicational issue here. Our sex life is no where as good as it can be. we never talk about anything in a sexual way and theres alot going on unsaid. My original post was also asking how do I go about asking her in a nice way if she would like to shave her pubic hair.

I do believe that she may go down on me if I start going down on her. But i find it very difficult to do that with pubic hair. Its not a hygiene thing its merely just a sexual preference.

I would never want her to go down on me if she doesnt like it.

Both sex and oral are big issues for me. Obvisiously theres alot more factors but i think its important in every relationship. This has come to the stage where I'll need to ask her in a nice way or heartbreakingly break up. Looks like its the first option.

PlainP

Anonymous Account 2013 wrote: »

Thanks guys. OP here. I really appreciate all your opinions and advice.

First off, she is unexperienced. She's not a virgin but I'm her first boyfriend. Not that any of that matters to me but it could be a factor for lack of oral sex and the pubic hair.

I do believe there is a big communicational issue here. Our sex life is no where as good as it can be. we never talk about anything in a sexual way and theres alot going on unsaid. My original post was also asking how do I go about asking her in a nice way if she would like to shave her pubic hair.

I do believe that she may go down on me if I start going down on her. But i find it very difficult to do that with pubic hair. Its not a hygiene thing its merely just a sexual preference.

I would never want her to go down on me if she doesnt like it.

Both sex and oral are big issues for me. Obvisiously theres alot more factors but i think its important in every relationship. This has come to the stage where I'll need to ask her in a nice way or heartbreakingly break up. Looks like its the first option.

Op have you shaved or waxed your bits?

Before you go asking her to do it show her that you've done it first......

She might oblige you she might not.

Czarcasm

Anonymous Account 2013 wrote: »

Thanks guys. OP here. I really appreciate all your opinions and advice.

First off, she is unexperienced. She's not a virgin but I'm her first boyfriend. Not that any of that matters to me but it could be a factor for lack of oral sex and the pubic hair.

Anon with all due respect, while it's grand that her lack of experience isn't a big deal to you, clearly for your girlfriend it IS a big deal, and I personally anyway wouldn't think it's related to her aversion to oral sex or to her reluctance to rid herself of her pubic hair. Why is it such a big deal for YOU? You call it personal preference, but you have to consider your girlfriend has her personal preferences too, such as she just doesn't like giving head, and she doesn't want to get rid of her pubic hair.

I do believe there is a big communicational issue here. Our sex life is no where as good as it can be. we never talk about anything in a sexual way and theres alot going on unsaid. My original post was also asking how do I go about asking her in a nice way if she would like to shave her pubic hair.

Well, that's just lovely. Honestly Anon you come across like you have about as much sensitivity as a stone. Communication is a two way street and you're clearly not picking up on what your girlfriend feels uncomfortable telling you. She's obviously shy about sex and it may just be a cultural thing or maybe it's a confidence thing, I don't know, but what I do know is that pushing her into something she's not comfortable with is going to increase her resistance to the idea.

She might never come round to the idea of having sex with the lights on, getting naked in front of you, waxing her pubic area or even going down on you (that's quite a list of issues you have with her OP if you don't mind my saying so when you're only together six months! Why did you stay with her if you are so incompatible in the bedroom? Maybe ye WOULD be better off just as friends? You have to consider that possibility too!).


In short Anon, there really IS no nice way of saying it, and if you say it once, and she's resistant to the idea, harping on about it isn't going to make her come round to your way of thinking. You may just have to take this one on the chin- is this girl worth getting over YOUR hang-ups for HER sake, rather than trying to persuade her to get over her hang ups for YOUR sake?

I do believe that she may go down on me if I start going down on her. But i find it very difficult to do that with pubic hair. Its not a hygiene thing its merely just a sexual preference.

Anon I wouldn't be too sure that one will necessarily correlate to the other. You're making it sound like a task that must be done instead of something that should be fun. I get it that you find it difficult to do with the hair there, but can you understand that she wouldn't feel comfortable without the hair there? I get that it's a sexual preference, but it's something that you're going to have to come to terms with that not every girl is going to share your sexual preferences, and so you have to weigh up the pros and the cons and say to yourself are you really all that compatible and if not, then is it something you should put up with, or do you need to move on. I'd say Anon when you're only six months into the relationship and you're already having difficulties in the bedroom and she's already talking about coming back to Ireland with you- to say there are "communication difficulties" deserves the understatement of the year award!

I would never want her to go down on me if she doesnt like it.

Both sex and oral are big issues for me. Obvisiously theres alot more factors but i think its important in every relationship. This has come to the stage where I'll need to ask her in a nice way or heartbreakingly break up. Looks like its the first option.

You're contradicting yourself in the first two sentences Anon; You've already mentioned that you've asked her numerous times already to go down on you. Then you say that sex and oral are big issues for you and are important in a relationhip, so how then do you really see this playing out when you've asked her for oral already, she won't undress in front of you, prefers to have sex in the dark, and won't shave her pubic area? And trust me Anon, no amount of you shaving or waxing your pubic area is going to persuade her to shave or wax her pubic area. That'll just be a futile exercise on your part and may just make her even more uncomfortable.


I think you may need to think about breaking up Anon but remaining friends, as you mention that in all other areas besides the bedroom ye are compatible, but if these are a big issue for you in a relationship, then you shouldn't settle for being unhappy either, you just need to meet someone you're more sexually compatible with is all. It's not selfish to want to be happy, but it IS selfish to try and impose your ideas on someone who is so clearly uncomfortable with them.

Esoteric_

I'm going to go somewhat against the grain here - I don't think it's unreasonable to want somebody to shave, at least a little bit.

OP, would you be happy to go down on her if she shaved her bikini line and kept the rest trimmed?

When I first started sleeping with somebody, he mentioned after a few times that he loved women who shaved. I didn't pick up on the hint, so after a few months, he straight up asked me would I be willing to shave a little bit, just because it was a thing he liked, and that if I decided I didn't like it, there'd be no pressure.

Sure, I was embarrassed, but I'd rather have somebody tell me what their sexual preferences are. Now, I shave or wax completely (not that I have much body hair anyway, I'm naturally blonde and don't have much hair on my legs, underarms or down there), and I personally prefer it.

I'm not saying she needs to go bald down there, many women (and men!) don't like that, but I don't see the harm in asking her how she'd feel about shaving. I don't mean say 'Oh, will you shave for me?,' I mean asking how she'd feel about it, and listening to her answer and taking her feelings into consideration. If she doesn't want to do it, then you have to decide if you're willing to stay in a relationship where you're not 100% sexually satisfied.

At the same time, if you're going to ask something of her, you should do it yourself. Without wanting to be too crude, it's bloody disgusting to go down on a bloke who hasn't even trimmed. As horrible as it sounds, pubes in your teeth are not sexy in any sense of the word!

So, would you be willing to do it yourself, OP? If a bloke asked me to grow my pubic hair back because it was his sexual preference (I've never encountered a guy who wants me to do that, though! :pac: ), I'd expect him to return the favour by keeping shaved/trimmed himself, because that is MY sexual preference. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, and all that malarkey.


The last thing you have to remember is that not all women like giving oral! I do, but I know a few women who don't, and it'd be a pretty nasty thing to do if you were trying to pressure somebody into doing something they don't like doing.

You say that you don't talk about sexual things, so start talking! If you want to resolve this, you need to use tact, diplomacy and take her feelings into consideration too, which is sounds like you're not doing, to be blunt.

If you're not able/willing to talk about things, then what's the point in being together? Things can't change without open and honest communication.

ibarelycare

I agree with the above to a point. I think the OP is getting far too much criticism on here for having a preference for a shaved bikini area. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having that preference, a lot of people do, whether it's for hygiene or aesthetic reasons.

However I don't think just because the OP wants his girlfriend to be shaved down below, that he automatically has to do the same. If he asks his girlfriend to shave, and she obliges and asks him to do the same, then yes of course he should return the favour. But if she doesn't express an interest in him shaving down below then he shouldn't, as obviously it's not something she is really interested in. I've had a boyfriend in the past ask me to shave down below and I was happy to do it, but I definitely didn't want him to do the same, because I hate the look of when men shave or trim too tightly down there!