Most unrealistic aspects of soaps...

wretcheddomain

So, what do you think is the most unrealistic part of a soap?

For me, it'd have to be one of;

The Solitary Pub
- No matter how big the town or village is, it only seems to have one solitary pub which is visited morning, noon and night but is never full. Even on a Friday night, the pub has the same amount of people as a Monday night. If you think of Eastenders you'll know where I'm coming from...

Looking Into Space
- In every soap known to man, when a discussion (usually some form of disagreement of problem) occurs, at the end of it you'll find one of the actors turn about 60 degrees and stare into space for a few seconds while the other person walks away. Maybe I'm the only one never to have done this though!

0% Unemployment
- Whatever you say about these towns and villages, you'll find everybody has employment and can obtain it whenever they want. They are immune to recessionary effects.

So over to you :P

krudler

That nobody ever talks about what happened on the soaps the night before

jubella

Nobody ever seems to need to use the bathroom.

davet82

Where the fcuk are their children!!

I made a decision on having children based on how easy they are to manage from watching soaps, the bastards!

summerskin

Nobody talks about sport or movies or tv programmes. Ever.

summerskin

Oh, and that Gail Platt can get laid. By more than one man. Ever.

SunnyDub1

Does no one in Eastenders own their own washing machine?

Give Dot a break :P

Gott

That people who disappear from soaps can mysteriously come back and people accept the fact they were away with no problems whatsoever.

Ian Beale vanishes, is found under a bridge. Few weeks later he's all back to normal, no mental trauma whatsoever :P

Feathers

That people don't decide to move out of the town/street more quickly (if ever) with the amount of ****ed up stuff going on around them on a regular basis.

13spanner

The fact that characters have more problems in a year than most of us have in 10.

alchemist33

If the bodycount in Coronation Street over the years was happening in real life, the street would be permanantly lined with the SAS.

kfallon

People in the Eastend of London only ever eat food from a 'caf'!

And the rules are, if you are sitting down to eat you have 'double egg & chips'....if you are taking it away then you have to order a 'bacon sarnie & tea"

Also there can never, ever be a happy Christmas day in these areas!

wretcheddomain

13spanner wrote: »

The fact that characters have more problems in a year than most of us have in 10.

I guess if you think about it, the whole soap is about discussions of problems in the first place. Soaps have to be the most pessimistic construct ever formed.

rubadub

wretcheddomain wrote: »

you'll find everybody has employment and can obtain it whenever they want.

Some will have low paid jobs. They will all gather in the pub paying a fortune for soft drinks & peanuts as they moan about their lack of money.

wretcheddomain

rubadub wrote: »

Some will have low paid jobs. They will all gather in the pub paying a fortune for soft drinks & peanuts as they moan about their lack of money.

Reminds me of Ireland...

efb

Is any of it realistic???

summerskin

efb wrote: »

Is any of it realistic???

Yes, Deirdre is a man-eating fox who's irresistible to all men.

Lucena

No-one ever goes unpunished for their misdeeds. Ever. If someone is having an affair, they’re sure to be found out, usually within 5-6 weeks.
If someone steals money, ditto. Murders someone, ditto.
In my next life I’m gonna be a cop in a soap, easiest job ever!

wretcheddomain

efb wrote: »

Is any of it realistic???

Yep, the part where a mass murderer lived on only 1 of 2 streets in the whole neighbourhood and police couldn't determine who it was. Maybe Richard Hillman was the only realistic part of a soap.

syklops

rubadub wrote: »

Some will have low paid jobs. They will all gather in the pub paying a fortune for soft drinks & peanuts as they moan about their lack of money.

To be fair people do that in real life too.

KKkitty

Someone makes a call on a mobile phone and the call is answered instantly. Thousands of pounds/Euro can be raised
in a matter of hours to get a character out of a dodgy situation. Workers go have pints on their lunch break.

kfallon

Characters are always a jack of all trades, you could be asked at a moment's notice to do any of the following:

"Look after the caf"
"Look after the stall"
"Look after the bar"
"Look after the shop"
"Look after the bookies"
"Look after the kids"

As someone has to dash to an emergency!

Ruu

People rarely finish their food. A nice milkshake from the bayside diner and all they can do is play around with it using a straw. Waste of food.

Lucena

KKkitty wrote: »

Someone makes a call on a mobile phone and the call is answered instantly. Thousands of pounds/Euro can be raised
in a matter of hours to get a character out of a dodgy situation. Workers go have pints on their lunch break.

I used to do that when I lived in Manchester! (drink pints)

Made the afternoon fly by!!!:D

summerskin

KKkitty wrote: »

Workers go have pints on their lunch break.

That's totally realistic, a normal part of the working day in England is a pint or two at lunch.

I was shocked when i moved here and found the irish don't do it.

keith16

You can walk in the pub, ask for "two pints" and get a Guinness and a Heino.

Arcsin

No one ever wanders further than 100 yards from their front door.

Wattle

The amount of times people are in and out of hospital. Especially true of Aussie soaps. Whenever they're running out of plot ideas get someone to climb a ladder.

conorhal

Lucena wrote: »

No-one ever goes unpunished for their misdeeds. Ever. If someone is having an affair, they’re sure to be found out, usually within 5-6 weeks.
If someone steals money, ditto. Murders someone, ditto.
In my next life I’m gonna be a cop in a soap, easiest job ever!

Indeed. All you'd have to do is spend your day down the Old Vic getting pissed and waiting for some angry resident of the street to storm in and accuse the perp of their misdeeds right in the middle of the pub.

summerskin

The fact that people all live right beside where they work but don't even go home for a cup of tea, they pay for it in the pub or cafe. Same for lunch and dinner, they might live closer to work than the restaurant yet never have lunch at home.

summerskin wrote: »

That's totally realistic, a normal part of the working day in England is a pint or two at lunch.

I was shocked when i moved here and found the irish don't do it.

Anytime I was in central London the pubs were always packed at lunch with people having their lunch and a few pints. Very common over there.

keith16 wrote: »

You can walk in the pub, ask for "two pints" and get a Guinness and a Heino.

They are regulars though. I can walk into my local and I dont even ask for anything most of the lads behind the bar just start pulling a pint of Guinness, same goes if a few of us go in at the sam etime who are regulars, they know our order.

frank reynolds

the characters are supposed to be working class, yet, they can mysteriously afford to have a new outfit on them every different scene...

RayM

"What about us?"

"There is no us"

Has a week ever gone by in Walford, Carrigstown or Weatherfield without those words being uttered?

"We need to talk"

1ZRed

Do ye remember home and away years back. They only ever used to have one doctor, but fuck me they were super doctors that could do anything.

Break a leg? Call Flynn
Have a nose bleed? Call Flynn
Need sudden brain surgery to remove a brain tumour on short notice? Why just call Flynn of course!

And after all that Sally would be there to waddle in and talk to you about it at whatever time because clearly she had no life.

They just don't make 'em like they used to anymore

DAZP93

"Il have a pint please". "Do you fancy meeting up later" - "yeah se ya around 4:30"

Hunterbiker

People (who do have a job) all work locally and usually for one of the other characters even the likes of Doctors, Solicitors etc all practice locally.

No one seems to use a recognised big supermarket and instead (Corrie and Enders especially) use a small cornershop which seems to stock everything and despite the money worries no one seems to mind. Person working in shop usually bessie mates with all customers and frequently socialises in pub and caf...

All Police are generally nasty (okay maybe some would say this is true but really...)

The postman is normally on time and happy



No one seems to buy cigs or tobacco

keano_afc

People only listen to the TV at a normal volume when they're alone. If someone has to walk into the room to talk to them, the volume will be so loud that it neccessitates turning down.

Nobody ever gets employment more than walking distance away from where they live.

Lucena

Whenever someone makes a car journey, you know there's going to be an accident. Getting a taxi doesn't count, though.

vitani

The amount of partner swopping. If I found myself living somewhere where I'd dated or slept with nearly every man my age, I'd find somewhere else to live.

Look at Tina in Corrie - she's been with David, Jason, Graeme, Tommy, that cute doctor and now there might be something starting with Gary.

rubadub

syklops wrote: »

To be fair people do that in real life too.

I've never heard of it or seen it. Note I was saying soft drinks, they are all hanging out in the pubs all day long, teenagers too drinking soft drinks in pub, never would have crossed my mind growing up. I wasn't meaning drinking at weekends moaning about money.

along the same lines of this.

Camron Obedient Numismatics wrote: »

The fact that people all live right beside where they work but don't even go home for a cup of tea, they pay for it in the pub or cafe. Same for lunch and dinner, they might live closer to work than the restaurant yet never have lunch at home.

Hunterbiker

Lucena wrote: »

Whenever someone makes a car journey, you know there's going to be an accident. Getting a taxi doesn't count, though.

Most people leave in a taxi -when its raining- and take a long look out the back window....

Killinator

Hunterbiker wrote: »

Most people leave in a taxi -when its raining- and take a long look out the back window....

Or a bodybag.

KKkitty

Every soap village is a disaster area. No matter what your life was like before you move to Summer Bay/ Weatherfield etc it soon goes horribly wrong.

Hunterbiker

Statistically these areas are extremely dangerous and murder rates are very high

Anyone

They all manage to do a days work in 30 minutes.

Conall Cernach

If you move out of the street, cul de sac, square etc. you will only ever be seen again in case of a death or wedding at which you will be integral to the storyline. This is true even if you only move to a different part of the same city. You will never pop round to see your family or friends or go for a pint in your old local ever again.

Galwayguy35

In Eastenders if there is a stag or hen on its either in the Vic or the nightclub Phil owns, everyone seems to make a great living standing at a stall in the street.


In Glenroe years ago Miley giving Fidelma a length in the hayshed one night, would never happen in real life.

RayM

Long-term unemployment doesn't exist - even in a recession. When someone loses their job, they usually just have to sit in the pub or the café with a newspaper, drawing circles around job adverts with a red biro (because everyone carries a red biro in their jacket pocket), and then someone will walk in and offer them a job, starting tomorrow with no need for an interview or anything.

Education is generally frowned upon. Parents are ridiculously aggressive towards their kids' teachers (who are invariably portrayed as unpleasant, uppity types). Hardly anybody goes to university. And those who do usually return after a few months with a completely different personality (always illustrated by a new hairstyle), having got too big for their boots. A few words of 'wisdom'' from a brash middle-aged woman (salt of the earth type) is normally enough to bring them back down to earth. They then develop a drug habit, recover really quickly, experiment with lesbianism, drop out of university and return to the street/square to pull pints or work in the knicker factory for the rest of their miserable lives.

Killinator

Eastenders must be inbreeding central, at this stage everyone's a Mitchell or a Branning or an ex-Mitchell or an ex-Branning.

wretcheddomain

vitani wrote: »

Look at Tina in Corrie - she's been with David, Jason, Graeme, Tommy, that cute doctor and now there might be something starting with Gary.

I think it's worrying how you know this detail of the order of Tina's sex life.

M442

90% of pregnancies have complications!!!!

wretcheddomain

M442 wrote: »

90% of pregnancies originate from Carol Jackson!!!!

Fixed.