Highschool Sweethearts

jessicaxxx

I have been dating my boyfriend since we were 15 met in school and still together nearly 10 years later never broke up. I think im lucky that iv found someone so great so young and im very happy in my relationship, but many people think when you get together so young you are missing out on lots of things.

Whats everyones opinion on meeting someone so young and staying with them, does it work out or does it all end in tears and you have wasted the most important years of your life.

Eathrin

Yeah of course I think it's reasonable to think there are certain things you may have missed out on, but the same can be said for those who weren't in a long term relationship during their late teens and early twenties, they are missing out on what you have. If you're very happy with the person you are with, I think you are getting the far better deal here. Now, of course a person may have no desire to be in a relationship at all so I'm not really including those.
I don't think being single would be all that good when compared to a happy relationship even though it may occasionally seem desirable, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, as the saying goes.

December2012

I met my husband as a teenager. We're together 15 years now, as the ad says much more for better than for worse.

But we've talked before about how good it would be if we'd had a few more years before we meet each other, gone out with a few short term other people, and made our "mistakes" on those people instead of with each other, if that makes sense?

eviltwin

I've been with my husband since my teens.

When I was younger, say in my 20's, I know a lot of my friends thought I was mad settling down with someone so young ( we had a house and a child at this stage so in it for the long haul ) but I think now we are all in our mid 30's people are a bit more accepting of it. I don't feel I have missed out.

I don't know why there is a need to have multiple partners if you are lucky enough to meet someone you really click with early on. I always tell my kids if you meet someone great, if they love you and they treat you right it doesn't matter if you are 15 or 35, you grab onto them with both hands and don't let go.

PingO_O

You're missing out on something no matter what you do. Plenty of people are unhappy regardless of whether they're single or attached, so things people are saying to you is really just talk imo. I think if you're happy with what you've got then I'm happy for ya!

The Big Red Button

I started going out with a guy when we were both 17.

We fell in love almost immediately, and we got engaged at the age of 22. We had lots of plans for the life we were going to live together.

Then I moved away, for my career. I broke up with him at the age of 25 (two years ago.) We were living different lives, and I could see that it was never going to work out.

I'll never have any regrets about the relationship, and I'll never see it as having 'wasted' the most important years of my life. He's a really good guy, and we were a big part of each others' lives.

You do change a lot as you grow up, and I honestly don't believe that you really know who you are and what you want in life at the ridiculously young age of 22 (when we got engaged.) Sometimes it might happen to work out for 'highschool sweethearts', and that's great ... other times it doesn't, and in my case I'm just happy that I had enough strength and courage to end things when this became clear, rather than letting it drag out any further.

seenitall

jessicaxxx wrote: »

Whats everyones opinion on meeting someone so young and staying with them, does it work out or does it all end in tears and you have wasted the most important years of your life.

How long is a piece of string?

I've a friend who met her husband at 17 and they are almost 40 now, both happy and with their 4th child born this year.

Then I have me, who can't even begin to envisage staying with the same person for 20 years, especially the 20 years in question. Granted, perhaps I would have been able for it if I'd met someone truly amazing and right for me... or maybe not, who knows. I remember, from the time that I had my first 'real' boyfriend, being very into the opposite sex, very into men. Plural. :pac:

It's great that my friend has what she has, but I can tell you, I'm not really sad that I got to kiss a few guys along the way, either. My experiences have made me who I am today.

So, these things are down to personality, mostly. Not to mention all the different life-paths and the different outlooks they will bring. Everyone will answer the question differently.

ash23

It very much depends on the couple. I met someone in my late teens and we were together for 6 years.
By the time we reached our mid 20s we'd grown in completely separate directions and the relationship ended.

Being single taught me a lot. I learned a huge number of lessons and became a much stronger person because of being on my own. I'm now 30 and single and while I'd like to meet someone, I'm in no hurry as I'm content being on my own.

But that is me and everyone is different. Had my relationship been good and worked out, yes, I'd have missed out on some life lessons I learned by being single, but I'd also have learned some other lessons which are still to come to me when I meet my future life partner.

The lessons I learned while single didn't come from having multiple partners or going out partying (although I did that too lol). It came from learning to be independent and valuing friendships and staying true to my beliefs and what I want from life. Now, those lessons could have been learned in a healthy relationship but for me, it took the breakup to learn them. Therefore I was glad to have had those single years.

LegacyUser

There is often an assumption by those in relationships as described in the OP that if one is not in a relationship and young, they are living the life. Having fun, partyting it up and jumping in and out of bed with what seems to be the millions of other single people out there. This, I think, is a naive notion. I'm at the extreme opposite end of the scale- I'm 'incell'. That is I'm 'involuntarily celibate'. I have my reasons and explanations but the upshot is that apart from a couple of small interactions that ultimately went nowhere, I've been incel for over a decade now and I can tell you, I'm no freak. Friends think I'm incredibly private and discreet about relationships here and there but nothing could be further from the truth. If I had the chance to find someone I loved and who loved me back, I'd grab it with everything I have.

CathyMoran

Hubby and I met when we were 21 but we did break up and see other people which I regret - he was the right person, i know that the moment that I first met him.

XxMCRxBabyxX

I met my boyfriend at 15 and we're now over 6 years together. I don't feel like I've missed out on much by being with him. We have never been the types to live in each other's pockets. We went to different colleges and we live our own lives as much as spending time together, if not more. While I may not have done the whole different night, different guy thing, I still have had plenty of brilliant nights out and I have a great group of my own friends.

We also aren't planning on getting into marriage and children anytime soon. That's something for well in the future. We are more than happy as we are and see no reason to hurry things.

Now I know that I'm still young and things can change but I know that I'm happy now. I certainly don't regret meeting my boyfriend when I did and a lot has happened over the years that I don't think I would have gotten through without him.

jdsk2006

I married my sweetheart! Love him like crazy and love our crazy Life with a house full of kids!!
People change constantly over the years, nobody knows what Life will throw to shape andchange a person......and it can happen Well beyond the teen/twenties/thirties.

Any key?

Jessica I don't think you are missing out at all. With my boyfriend 7 years very similar story to yourself and he still gives me butterflies.
My friends said the exact same thing to me a few years in to our relationship, implying that I was missing out on my chance to play the field and that I didn't really know what love was because we had met so young. I seriously considered ending things because of this but in the end I just didn't want to. We are so so happy, sometimes you just get lucky girl

Joey the lips

My wife was 16 I was 17 it sounds like a sound of music song. But now I am 38 and divorced :-)

Only joking. Still together 3 kids and happy. I think our secret was not to expect much and don't give up our friends. However ironically our friends kinda give up as they settle so we were lucky. I don't know what the future holds but the trick is to be as happy as you can appreciating that you can't have it all.

Das Kitty

Jaysus Joey, you gave me a shock there for a second!

I've been with my fella since I was 19 and in the 13 years since, I've never not wanted to be with him. I don't really feel like I've missed out, not having had other partners. Even just some of the things my friends have been through are enough to confirm how lucky I've been.

That said, we did grow up together. I'm nowhere near the girl I was at 19. But out priorities always aligned, and every time there was a fork in the road we took the one that kept us together.

ivytwine

Both my parents married (other people) really young and both of them said that they were waaaayyy too young for marriage. But I can think of several couples who got married young and are still happy. I think it's all a matter of lucking out and finding the right person at the right time. You've just found him earlier than some

You're missing out whatever you do as someone pointed out above, and there's lots about playing the field that's highly overrated in my opinion!

seenitall

ivytwine wrote: »

I think it's all a matter of lucking out and finding the right person at the right time. You've just found him earlier than some

As we are all different shapes and sizes, you have to take into account all the individual differences between people. Sometimes timing is all about luck, but sometimes it is all about character.

Some people (and I would argue it is the majority, but I could just be cynical) are just not suited to getting to grips with commitment at 20 or 25, but may well be far more suited to it 10 or 15 years down the line.

I love the 'against the odds' stories on this thread, btw. Because to my sensibility, happily(!) staying with the same person from the age of 15 or 19 until decades later is some serious beating the odds territory, and (I would imagine) showcases some wonderful characteristics in couples, such as maturity, loyalty, flexibility.

OnTheCouch

An interesting discussion. What I can deduce from my female friends and various other ladies with whom I have spoken about the topic in recent years is that there definitely seems to be a trend in the modern day era, similar to travelling, that one should go out with quite a few people when young, in order to find out who is right for you.

What strikes me immediately is how different this is from when my parents were young. According to them, if you found someone that was more or less OK, you just ended up getting married, there was precious little going out with multiple partners or anything like that, the 'perfect partner' was something you may well have aspired to finding, but had no real expectations that it would ever happen. Most were perfectly happy settling for someone who was reliable, caring etc, without being Mr or Mrs Amazing personified.

Now, whether it is the proliferation of TV shows glamorising the 'young, free and single' mindset, or just a greater awareness through the internet and the media of what is potentially out there, young people seem to have become more picky. One or two people have even told me that they knew deep down that they had found a really good match for them in their younger days, but still did not continue to see them because they wanted to be absolutely sure that there wasn't someone better out there. Which they then regretted, but on one hand, who can blame them for being curious?

The previous posters who have mentioned falling in love with someone at a very young age did not in some cases say how old the guy was, but I would presume he was more or less the same age as them. This in my opinion is the most likely sort of relationship to stand the test of time, ie where both partners are of similar ages. If the girl let's say is 19 and the guy a bit older, he might be perfect for her, but the chances are high that if they stay together, she will always think that he had the chance to live a little bit, whereas she didn't, which could end up causing resentment somewhere down the line.

Bobsammy

We're not quite high school sweethearts, we started going out when we were nineteen. We met in college. Six years later we're going strong and got married twelve days ago! We definitely grew up together but he's my best friend so I don't think I missed out on any 'playing the field' over the last few years, we got to experience lots of things together instead!

cantdecide

IMO due to factors such as the boom and the media and the internet, expectations have never been broader or higher. Pressure comes from all sides including internally that you can always do more, achieve more or aspire for more. You can travel further, learn more, experience more, earn more, buy more. Things that a few years ago you might have accepted being 'beyond' you, maybe. I believe it causes a certain itchiness and dissatisfaction in the modern world that has percolated even down to relationships. Asking yourself if you are satisfied and if you are, 'should you be' and 'have you settled'. IMO, a lot of people are doomed to be dissatisfied in our generation and cited reason is likely to be the only variable. In lots of way, I admire those who say that the traditional things are the things that satisfy them. It seems to me sometimes that they are often the ones breaking the mould these days.

aknitter

OP if it feels right for you don't worry about what others think. You can only live your life after all.

I met my now hubby at 16 and he was 17 (another Sound of Music couple). We had a daughter young and married 3 years ago - I am now 31 and he is 33, daughter is 14, son is 2 and due another in a few weeks. I can honestly say that I have no regrets and don't feel that I missed out on anything. Though other people obviously think I have - I was at a smear test a few years ago and was asked how many sexual partners I've had, so I answered 1, No she said not right now, in total (as if I was 2), so I said 1 and she in total (again) again I said 1 and seeing that she thought I was lying I just said quantity and quality are not the same thing. It shut her up and she wrote down 1. Also when I was having my son I had a similar conversation with the midwife and I just know she thought I was lying! Its their problem, not yours.