How do you inspire someone to get moving

RobAMerc

Guy's, I have been trying to inspire my better half to get into fitness as a life tool. One that makes you healthy,keeps you fit, makes you look better ( I wont lie its important ) and reduces stress by letting you let it out when something is bothering you.

But I just cannot seem to get her to bite.
She goes to bootcamp but I imagine is very half hearted, she eats well because she basically eats what I eat, but she uses any excuse to skip workouts and any excuse to eat rubbish - in fairness not chocco bars anymore ( I think ) but she will have cake after lunch as a treat for doing whatever she feels she did before ( however little that is in my eyes )

Whats annoying is we talk about it alot, I don't think I am the one who brings it up all the time, but she is always interested in looking at keep fit vids and saying she'd like x's body etc and whats more annoying is she buys dress's 2 size too small for when she gets slimmer ? It's almost like she's put her life on hold but is doing nothing about getting to where she wants to go.

Am I just pushing too hard maybe or does someone know a way to inspire someone else to get cracking !

thegreatiam

RobAMerc wrote: »

Guy's, I have been trying to inspire my better half to get into fitness as a life tool. One that makes you healthy,keeps you fit, makes you look better ( I wont lie its important ) and reduces stress by letting you let it out when something is bothering you.

But I just cannot seem to get her to bite.
She goes to bootcamp but I imagine is very half hearted, she eats well because she basically eats what I eat, but she uses any excuse to skip workouts and any excuse to eat rubbish - in fairness not chocco bars anymore ( I think ) but she will have cake after lunch as a treat for doing whatever she feels she did before ( however little that is in my eyes )

Whats annoying is we talk about it alot, I don't think I am the one who brings it up all the time, but she is always interested in looking at keep fit vids and saying she'd like x's body etc and whats more annoying is she buys dress's 2 size too small for when she gets slimmer ? It's almost like she's put her life on hold but is doing nothing about getting to where she wants to go.

Am I just pushing too hard maybe or does someone know a way to inspire someone else to get cracking !

You cant motivate them , you have to make them want to be motivated.

In this situation, I would let it slide.
you eat together, that's a start, so you know she will be eating 90% clean.

Now exercise together, start with couples activities. get out walking. go for a bike ride to a country inn for dinner, do things together. eventually she will want to join in more and more stuff with you as she gets accustomed to exercising.

Gentle encouragement is the key, not motivation to get fit.

Slowly steer the direction of her health. Also make her think she is instigating things, get her to suggest the bike ride, be subtle.

Im doing exactly the same with my girlfriend btw, so I know how you feel.

Gorilla Rising

If you could get her to commit to something for one month she'll start seeing results and maybe that will spur her on??

A one month commitment is a lot less daunting than completely turning your life around.

Theresalwaysone

Probably not what you want to hear but:

In my experience people wont commit to 'getting fit' or 'eating healthy' unless they are ready too.

Itll be all crutches, excuses, tomorrows and magic pills before then.

Ant11

I think working out with her is the way to go. I brought my missus to one of our calisthenics training sessions and gave her stuff I knew she would be able to do and would easily see improvements (I found this gave her the initial "I can do this"). From there I would train on my own in the gym in the mornings and when I come home in the evening I would train her. She's now got the buzz and actually asks me to do more stuff and wants to buy kettle bells etc

I found this approach a lot better than trying to encourage her to do it.

Oryx

By pushing her, you will be in danger of it becoming a 'me against you' thing. Her success or failure will be down to you, not her. This has to come from her. There is no magical way of making her want to exercise.

At the moment though, the gap between reality and the fantasy her that she wants is too wide, which might be why she is not doing anything about it. (What will one missed session matter? What will one binge meal matter?) So take the focus off the ultimate body she wants, and break it down into smaller things with the focus off training for appearance sake. Get her to do active stuff because its a bit of craic. Do things together, that are active but sociable. I'm thinking things like hillwalking, mudruns (enter a race), kayaking, rollerskating, anything that floats your boat as long as its fun. If this becomes a habit for you both, and she gets used to entertainment being active rather than passive, you may find she seeks out her own activities and interests. The body and lifestyle will come as a side effect of this, rather than being the focus for doing it, (which to me is a cart before the horse approach, its hard to keep an interest in long term if you have no goals and get no enjoyment from it).

RobAMerc

working out together isn't really an option lads, 2 kids means one of us has to be minding them at all times.

She has been doing bootcamp for 6 weeks now - there are results but could totally leave it and I imagine would never give it a second thought if I didn't push it.

Tiddlypeeps

Your missus sounds just like me. My OH isn't into fitness or healthy eating tho so at least you have knowledge to offer her on the subject and are setting a good example.

I am dreadful at starting fitness routines and then getting bored of them after a few weeks/months and then giving up.

I don't know her and she may be quite different to myself but I would be fairly certain that you can't make her be motivated. Any time my OH gets on my case about not doing some workout that I had planned to do it only makes it worse for me. He thinks he is helping but I already feel bad about missing a work out, him getting on my case about it is only going to make me feel worse. It's hard to get motivated when you feel bad so making somebody feel worse is never going to improve the situation.

If I were you I would just keep going about your own thing and make sure to let her know she is welcome to come work out with you, but don't push the issue. Unless her being out of shape is a deal breaker, if that's the case then you need to have a serious talk with her.

Another thing you can try is to see can you find something she actually likes doing. Maybe joining a sports team or something? The added competitiveness might give her the motivation she needs. Exercise for the sake of exercise can be hard to stick too if it's not something you love doing. Think outside the box too, she has probably tried traditional sports and would still be doing them if she liked them, it doesn't have to be something incredibly intense either. I do archery and it's something I find easy to stick to when I'm not swamped with work. I have passion for it, it's not as intense as cycling or running but competitions can last from 9 in the morning to 6 in the evening and you are constantly moving and drawing a significant weight on the bow all day long. Doing that every weekend or even every other weekend is better than spending the day on the couch by miles.

Best of luck.

thegreatiam

RobAMerc wrote: »

working out together isn't really an option lads, 2 kids means one of us has to be minding them at all times.

She has been doing bootcamp for 6 weeks now - there are results but could totally leave it and I imagine would never give it a second thought if I didn't push it.

work out as a family. football down the park. activity weekends away. hillwalking, swimming, all will keep your whole family in shape.

your missus doesnt need to go to the gym to get in shape, running round with 2 kids as an active family and eating right will do it.

Once she is more active in general you can slowly help her discover(rediscover) working out on her own. If she is more active in the rest of her life she will have more energy and motivation to do further exercise if she wants to on her own.

RobAMerc

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

I don't know her and she may be quite different to myself but I would be fairly certain that you can't make her be motivated. Any time my OH gets on my case about not doing some workout that I had planned to do it only makes it worse for me. He thinks he is helping but I already feel bad about missing a work out, him getting on my case about it is only going to make me feel worse. It's hard to get motivated when you feel bad so making somebody feel worse is never going to improve the situation.

This is a real issue for us. I think the pressure I add does nothing to help at all. But I feel if I don't say something she'll do nothing about it. Whats annoying is she "says" she genuinely feels great after a workout and is always glad she did it when she does but sometimes I think she is just telling me that to get me off her back.

Tiddlypeeps

RobAMerc wrote: »

This is a real issue for us. I think the pressure I add does nothing to help at all. But I feel if I don't say something she'll do nothing about it. Whats annoying is she "says" she genuinely feels great after a workout and is always glad she did it when she does but sometimes I think she is just telling me that to get me off her back.

Nah, I'd believe her when she says that. I love the feeling I get after a workout. It releases serotonin, I don't think there is a person on the planet that doesn't love a good dose of that

Oddly enough I find getting myself in the door of a gym harder than the actual workout itself. That probably makes no sense tho and i don't think I really understand why.

cmyk

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

Oddly enough I find getting myself in the door of a gym harder than the actual workout itself. That probably makes no sense tho and i don't think I really understand why.

That might just be a lot more common than you might think.

Hanley

cmyk wrote: »

That might just be a lot more common than you might think.

Absolute fact.

As for the other half rob, all you can do is keep living as an example and be ready when she is. One of the big reasons RevFit is going well for me is TOMA - top of mind awareness. People know about it and the results, even if they're not ready to commit. But once they are, they know where to go.

That applies for you as well - let her know how well you're doing. How great you feel. Pass on articles and things you think might be interesting for her. But that'll only works if you're truly not 100% trying to sell her on it. It has to be in her hands for her to make a decision when SHE'S ready.

Aimeee

Sounds like our house over the years.
There was a period about four years ago where I was big into fitness and the other half (hubby) was not. I was getting very frustrated with him doing all the talking but none of the walking.
Three years on he has found his thing and loves it. There is a social element to it all too so it has enhanced his life in so many ways. I am delighted as it has made a huge positive change to our household. (2kids also).
Now in the midst of those three years I lost my mojo and became quite unfit again, downward spiral; no exercise, eating bad etc. He was on at me then during this time to come running etc etc. The more he persisted the more I resisted.
I was feeling bad already, the nagging made me feel worse and so down it went.
Anyway, I can't say what changed only me and my attitude and mind. I was sick of feeling bad.
Decided to change the routine for me. I just made a habit of getting back to the gym, even when I felt like crap I said I'd go for just 10minutes. Something is better than nothing right? Once I got there I'd stay an hour. (Not all hours were productive mind you but in my head; "something is better than nothing").
Some mornings just getting the gym gear on was hardship. Met one of dh's running buddies at school drop off and he agreed that sometimes that's the hardest bit, and I'd half the battle won!
I strangely felt reassured that even the "fitter" people have these thoughts, and also learned that the first ten mins can be hell for everyone no matter what level you are at...It wasn't just me!
Roll on a few months and now I know that whatever exercise I do I'll feel better than I did one hour earlier.
It helps to find something enjoyable, that you like though.
Did she do any sport when younger? Sometimes its good to revisit these things just to get the buzz again.
Also agree with what was said re seeing results with consistency, nothing more motivating.

My advice; don't go on at her, resistance is deep!
Would she go to support you in any activity? I went with dh to a few runs, just to support, but there was a great buzz and it can be addictive.
Keep talking though, it does work eventually.
Oh and please try to get her to stop buying dress sizes too small, there is nothing more depressing than looking at these clothes.
She has to love herself the way she is now and it'll come.

hponboard

RobAMerc wrote: »

Guy's, I have been trying to inspire my better half to get into fitness as a life tool. One that makes you healthy,keeps you fit, makes you look better ( I wont lie its important ) and reduces stress by letting you let it out when something is bothering you.

But I just cannot seem to get her to bite.
She goes to bootcamp but I imagine is very half hearted, she eats well because she basically eats what I eat, but she uses any excuse to skip workouts and any excuse to eat rubbish - in fairness not chocco bars anymore ( I think ) but she will have cake after lunch as a treat for doing whatever she feels she did before ( however little that is in my eyes )

Whats annoying is we talk about it alot, I don't think I am the one who brings it up all the time, but she is always interested in looking at keep fit vids and saying she'd like x's body etc and whats more annoying is she buys dress's 2 size too small for when she gets slimmer ? It's almost like she's put her life on hold but is doing nothing about getting to where she wants to go.

Am I just pushing too hard maybe or does someone know a way to inspire someone else to get cracking !

i thing most women with children must be simliar,
my wife bought a book " run fat bitch run" it sounds like an insult but it is written by a mother and i have to say it got my wife up and out, i then supported that by jogging with her 1,2,3,km and although it was not much for me it worked great for her. don't push her it only upsets them. and i find telling them only the positives and reward the effort,
run her a bath and light some candles

hponboard

make sure sport health and fittness is in the house overall, the kids, you, the wife even the odd sports magazine or artical lying around, you would be surprise how much getting healthier is just habbit, kids are a great inspiration for us all, try and make sure if the kids are doing sporty things that you and your wife are there,

if she is in a gym already encourage her just to take time out to go and have sauna or steam room or just to do her hair,

i'm marry 19 years and it all works, been there wore the t shirt.
good luck

hponboard

cmyk wrote: »

That might just be a lot more common than you might think.

i love the gym and working out and still the thoughts of going and getting to the door is terrible, it's like jogging the firt 8 to 12mins is dreadfull, this i think is you people starting out find it so hard,
if only we could skip the first 12min of a run and just live in the gym

RobAMerc

thanks for all the helpful replies.

I hope the whole thread didn't come across as if I am complaining ( although I suppose I am ).
Part of the issue is I am annoyed at myself for being unable to inspire, cajole or basically bribe her into enjoying it. She only seems to work out for an easy life i.e. so she wont have to listen to me ! And who wants to be that guy ? But I know if she gets bitten by the workout bug ( not a dog while running )she will feel and look so much better and who wouldn't want that ?

thegreatiam

RobAMerc wrote: »

thanks for all the helpful replies.

I hope the whole thread didn't come across as if I am complaining ( although I suppose I am ).
Part of the issue is I am annoyed at myself for being unable to inspire, cajole or basically bribe her into enjoying it. She only seems to work out for an easy life i.e. so she wont have to listen to me ! And who wants to be that guy ? But I know if she gets bitten by the workout bug ( not a dog while running )she will feel and look so much better and who wouldn't want that ?

well, good intentions pave the way to hell,
and you catch more flies with honey than vinegar,

and other helpful sayings.

Keep at it your self. be more active as a family, keep eating right and they will follow your example.

Best way to inspire motivation would be lead by example.

Cajoling, nagging and bribing will have the opposite effect.

TheBellJar

thegreatiam wrote: »

Cajoling, nagging and bribing will have the opposite effect.

+1, in fact you're probably just going to make her feel worse than she does already. You might think that she doesn't care that she's unfit or that she hasn't noticed, but it's her body and trust me - she's noticed. Further pushing from you could be misinterpreted as digs rather than encouragement.

When she wants to do it, she'll do it.

thegreatiam

alternatively, buy a couple of large dogs, smother your family in peanut butter while they sleep and at 4 am turn on all the lights, fire a shotgun in the air and shout "Run for your life you chubby funsters, its peanut butter jelly time!"