''Friends with Benifits'' Can it work ?

andym1

In the early 90s ( I am 50), I shared a flat with another guy I worked with and 2 women. Over time I started to sleep with one of the women and we would get it on occasionly, normally one of us would come home pissed and go to bed and have a good shag but she fell in love with me and It happened again 3 years later in a different gaff when I fell in love with her (different woman)

I think either you or her (him) will crack and want more than just casual sex and want a relationship with the other so I think It normally ends in tears so Friends with benifits is usually short lived. Ever been there ?

Catphish

For the odd few maybe, though in most cases one or the other develops strong feelings for the other then it starts getting messy. So largely speaking, no. Given your own experiences of it, you've more or less answered it for yourself anyway.

Three Seasons

Can we define what working means?

seenitall

I had one such relationship in my life and was very happy with it.

It works as long as the 'friends' part is kept in the foreground, the 'benefits' part in the background - a true bonus.

Unfortunately, something about sex seems to make it impossible for most people.

Prodigious

seenitall wrote: »

I had one such relationship in my life and was very happy with it.

It works as long as the 'friends' part is kept in the foreground, the 'benefits' part in the background.

Unfortunately, something about sex seems to make it impossible for most people.

I wonder what it is? :rolleyes:

seenitall

Prodigious wrote: »

I wonder what it is? :rolleyes:

Me too! Any ideas?

Sauve

It will work only in a situation where neither party (truthfully) have ANY romantic feelings towards the other.
Being open and upfront, and knowing exactly where both people stand is very important.

andym1

Three Seasons wrote: »

Can we define what working means?

No mention of ''Working'' Wrong Thread

seenitall

andym1 wrote: »

No mention of ''Working'' Wrong Thread

Eh, it's in your thread title?

andym1

Sauve wrote: »

It will work only in a situation where neither party (truthfully) have ANY romantic feelings towards the other.
Being open and upfront, and knowing exactly where both people stand is very important.

Drawing up a ''Sheldon'' room mate/ bonking agreement normally goes to dust when the ''Will you hold me'' crap kicks in

Praetorian Saighdiuir

Once you both know what you are getting in to it should be fine. As long as you both take it for what it is there should be no complications. Easier said than done for some people.

MrStuffins

The lad next door is in his gaff every afternoon drinking cans of Dutch Gold and listening to "choooons".

Him, and all of his friends, are on Benefits.

So yes, it can exist!

Catphish

Three Seasons wrote: »

Can we define what working means?

Understanding the dynamics of the arrangement, either party not developing stronger feelings for the other or looking for a permanent commitment; thus fúcking up said arrangement.

andym1

seenitall wrote: »

Eh, it's in your thread title?

Eh No, The word is ''Work'' you added the ''ing'' to it ! Plural-ising words is down to you and stop being petty too ! Stick to the Q and stop nickpicking !
Whats Your opinion then ?

Rasheed

I think it can. I had one long term one that I'd meet every week or so for a couple of years. I can honestly say I didn't actually like the lad , and he'd probably say the same about me, but I seriously fancied him and we clicked in the bedroom department.

It suited us perfect. Neither wanted a relationship but we still had the physical side. I'd really recommend it anyway. Great stress reliever!

cson

I know its only one letter off, and I know what you mean by it, but christ that thread title hurts my eyes.

seenitall

Catphish wrote: »

Understanding the dynamics of the arrangement, either party not developing stronger feelings for the other or looking for a permanent commitment; thus fúcking up said arrangement.

Yes, however from experience I'd say that this dynamic of complete or near-complete emotional equilibrium from each side has to be there from the very beginning; I don't think it's something that can be conjured up or whittled down to as you go.

You either fancy the pants off someone or you don't; equally, you either fancy them just enough to sustain the physical aspect of things without being full on about it, or you don't. I think it is therefore rare to see a truly equitable, happy FWB arrangement. But perhaps it is also rare to see a truly happy marriage?

andym1

Catphish wrote: »

Understanding the dynamics of the arrangement, either party not developing stronger feelings for the other or looking for a permanent commitment; thus fúcking up said arrangement.

How A Cockney would say above phrase !

Understandin' the bloomin' dynamics of the 'rrangement, either Moriarty not developin' stronger feelings for the ovver or lookin' for a permanent commitment; thus fúckin' up said 'rrangement.

seenitall

andym1 wrote: »

Eh No, The word is ''Work'' you added the ''ing'' to it ! Plural-ising words is down to you and stop being petty too ! Stick to the Q and stop nickpicking !
Whats Your opinion then ?

LOL

andym1

seenitall wrote: »

LOL

Touche !

Holsten

In my experience the women always get too attached and usually want something more.

sam34

I'm female and have had a couple of friends with benefits. it works as long as both people are totally honest and neither party is harbouring secret hopes that the other will fall for them.

when it works, it works very well IME.

Hardonraging

It only works well if you can keep ure self in check, dont let your emotions run away with you, and if both parties are honest with each other ..

It can and often is the most fun you will have with no clothes on ..

anncoates

Thought this was another dole bashing thread.

Hardonraging

anncoates wrote: »

Thought this was another dole bashing thread.

It's ok, you'll get laid eventually ...

Felexicon

Yes "Friends with Benefits" can work.
My mate give me a lift to work every day and we've never been closer

Lollipops23

This an interesting thread- I was only discussing this subject with someone recently. When I was younger/less experienced I would have said no, not in a million years could this work, but now I'm not so sure. I've never had the set up, but I'd imagine the best way to handle it is to be honest with yourself and them- and to keep checking in with yourself, as it were- are you still comfy with the arrangement, how do you feel about them, are you jealous etc?

Think it'd need to be fairly specific circumstances for it to work, but it can IMO.

Legs.Eleven

Holsten wrote: »

In my experience the women always get too attached and usually want something more.

Or the man...


I've had two. Both disastrous because as people warned here, in both cases one of us was hoping for something more and they both literally ended in tears.

I can imagine it could work though but the friendship HAS to be kept out of it. Easier said than done and respect to anyone who manages it.

anncoates

Hardonraging wrote: »

It's ok, you'll get laid eventually ...

Your ma gave it the OK then?

NothingMan

For me, the great thing about sex is the closeness. If you take that away and just have the physical act of sex then honestly, it wouldn't hold much appeal to me. I've been with people I've been very attracted to on a physical level and can assume it was reciprocated, but had no emotional attachment to the person and the sex wasn't great and I'd say they'd agree. So I know it could work, but I'd want to at least be comfortable enough with them to have the fun and cuddly side too, even if it wasn't going to develop further.
Besides, Emotional closeness = great sex. Also, I just love to cuddle .

Mr Benevolent

Yep, worked fine for me, it became a great relationship and 7 years later we're still together.