menopause changes

puppieperson

I am 2/3 years into the menopause i feel great in good health not taking hrt and eating goods foods, exercise. Feeling very happy. Everything is great except I no longer want any sex. This is not making me sad but boyfrend is not too happy. I like cuddles but the thought of any sex just makes me feel annoyed. Anyone else feel like this? Am I a freak....

Hootanany

Interested to know the outcome of this.

Ambersky

Does the thought of any and all sex annoy you?
Can you feel sexually excited watching or reading erotica. Are there any other people you find a turn on or circumstances you can imagine feeling turned on in. In other words is your sexual self completely asleep or is it for the moment at least simply uninterested in sex with the boyfriend.
Maybe you could wake it up.

Oh and your not a freak.

puppieperson

Tbh i just feel i am done with it ,i had plenty all my life and now i want to do other things i find it repetitive and uninteresting. I have always thought of it as a bodily function and not i dont feel i need this function anymore. people enjoy sex etc but other s really couldnt care less i am in that group, a lot of pushing and shoving and very little at the end.

LegacyUser

If you're a freak then so am I. I haven't yet reached the 12 months that make me officially menopausal, but like you I have absolutely zero interest in sex. (Books, movies... yeah, okay, so what, next page / scene.) I have heard others say that hormone replacement therapy made a huge difference in their libido but honestly I don't care enough to start messing with that when otherwise I feel absolutely fine! At the moment my OH is in a hugely stressful job so he doesn't much care either which makes it a non-issue for me.

Das Kitty

I've actually felt like that on the pill. I thought it was normal at the time and I wasn't massively worried about it. I felt very much like you describe OP. But when I came off the pill, and started feeling like I used to, man I really saw what I was missing all along.

It's not something I would accept again very quickly. I'll never take the pill again for a start and if it continues at length during menopause I will be looking for a solution.

puppieperson

hi all thanks for your replies its great to know others feel the same and tbh i dont want to use chemicals to change things(i.e HRT) the pressure to be having an amazing sex life is so contrived that many people are miserable pretending. I refuse to interfere with my body to make myself more interested in sex. I am just not- end of, have even told OH he may have an adventure once he is discreet and doesn,t shove it in my face. appreciate the support.:)

mariaalice

puppieperson wrote: »

hi all thanks for your replies its great to know others feel the same and tbh i don't want to use chemicals to change things(i.e HRT) the pressure to be having an amazing sex life is so contrived that many people are miserable pretending. I refuse to interfere with my body to make myself more interested in sex. I am just not- end of, have even told OH he may have an adventure once he is discreet and doesn,t shove it in my face. appreciate the support.:)

Fair play to for being honest about how you feel, however sex is more that just sex if you know what I mean, your bf might not want to have sex with another woman he might miss having sex with you because he loves you and misses the intimacy with you, TBH its a bit selfish to want to have some one in your life and all that it offers companionship/love etc and not want to have sex with them.

I haven't gone through the menopauses yet although it cant be far off and I would be strongly opposed to using HRT it useless it was a medical need as opposed to a emotional/social need.

Ambersky

I think the OP raises an issue that is seldom discussed because although we do talk about what increases libido and other positives about sex we less frequently, I think, talk about a decrease in libido or sexual functioning.

There are all kinds of things that affect a woman's libido. A lot of drugs, particularly certain anti depressants can decrease a persons sexual desire and function. Unfortunately many GP's don't mention this.
Sometimes even though an anti depressant is suppose to decrease libido the lifting of a severe depression can have the effect of causing a net increase in libido.
The decrease in libido caused by a drug is often only reported from a male perspective i.e. a man will find it more difficult to get an erection. It is sometimes presented that a particular drug may affect men but not women and by this I imagine they think all we have to do is lay there anyway.

Our sexual selves are deeply connected with our emotional and otherwise physical and some would say spiritual selves.
I think our sexual self is just an expression of how we feel about a lot of things.

Originally I asked the OP about her own personal libido and how she felt about it as an individual. I think it can be important to understand and take responsibility for ourselves first, before we bring ourselves into a sexual relationship with another person. I would imagine the removal of sex from a relationship is something that needs to be carefully negotiated and is an issue that has consequences for both parties whatever the decision.
But as in earlier stages of a womans life I believe you can not say Yes to sex untill and unless you can say NO to sex. Anyone at any time can say no to sex but if you are in a sexual relationship the other person may respond as they need to, to this change in relationship. That may mean an end to the relationship or as the OP has decided to looking for sex outside of the relationship. Time will tell how well these decisions work out for the participants and if it doesnt work out other tactics or decisions may have to be tried out.
The OPs statement that

puppieperson said
I have always thought of it as a bodily function and not i dont feel i need this function anymore

I think that this statement probably says more about the reason for the OPs lack of interest in sex than the onset of the menopause. Im not putting that down, not everyone has to be interested in sex. I would think that a lot of women have stopped having sex around menopause particularly those who found it a chore anyway.

I myself am over the menopause. I didnt need to take HRT and other than an increase in migraines, which was quite serious, I had no other trouble. A bit of hot flushes but Sage drops seemed to control that and it wasnt too bad. So now I no longer get periods or cramps and I havent noticed anything about mood swings. Because I am Lesbian and havent been having sex with men I havent had to worry about the connection between sex and getting pregnant so that hasnt been the relief to me that some other women feel. My libido is still alive and kicking and just to let you know, seeing as women dont often get to hear about such things and can be afraid of the menopause, my 80 year old aunt reports to me she has a healthy sex life all of her own, having discovered self pleasure twenty years ago.