Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest
Chatting up people.....
-
20-03-2013 7:19pm#1
Comments
-
-
-
-
-
-
Advertisement
-
-
-
-
-
-
Advertisement
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Galwayguy35 wrote: »
I think fear of rejection is alot worse for men as the pressure is always on us to make the first move.
But if you're used to doing it, you're more likely to be a bit more immune to rejection, no? I mean it's always going to suck, but if you're in the habit of approaching you'll probably have dealt with being shot down quite a bit too, coz that's the game, you win some you lose some.
Whereas for women...or at least for me, I can count the amount of approaches Ive made on one hand, and any single rejection has as good as turned me off men for weeks on end.
0 -
But if you're used to doing it, you're more likely to be a bit more immune to rejection, no? I mean it's always going to suck, but if you're in the habit of approaching you'll probably have dealt with being shot down quite a bit too, coz that's the game, you win some you lose some.
Whereas for women...or at least for me, I can count the amount of approaches Ive made on one hand, and any single rejection has as good as turned me off men for weeks on end.
But that would suggest that every man would take rejection the same way and this is not the case.
Some men are outgoing and have the gift of the gab and if a lady rejects him it won't cost him a thought. Others (myself included) would be a bit more shy in making the first move and especially if someone is a bit rude in their reply it can hit the self confidence.
Everyone has the same feelings, whether they be men or women so I don't think we can really say that all men "get used to it".0 -
-
Advertisement
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
I don't agree with any of this.There's a select few who have what I'd call profound confidence - it's like their confidence is built on very solid foundations. These types of people shake off rejection like a duck shakes off water and then they go and approach another person with the same confidence they had when they started. I think you can certainly better yourself as an adult but in my opinion there is no substitute for a good start in life, when your personality is developing.
Some people might respond to this by asking why some bad boy types with terrible upbringings are confident and quite good with women: well the answer is probably that they've at least been around girls from a young age and probably lost their virginity early. That's why I'm not a particular fan of same sex schools because for a young person who isn't very sociable it might be their only chance to mix with the opposite sex before they leave school and become adults.
It's not confidence you need anyway - it's only a lack of fear. And that is a very difficult thing. because we WANT to find someone and we CARE.
Maturity is the only real answer OP. You need to develop the realisation NOT to invest individual encounters with super duper expectations ... and also the realisation that this thing we are told, about there being 'the one' out there .... is absolute bunkum.
In my long experience, we almost always find someone when we stop looking and the reason behind this is that we find someone when we stop investing high emotion in that split second.
Try to let life happen - if you can. Next time you have a situation like this happen ... Do not stop to THINK ...... and just say hi ... and have a few banal questions filed away in your mind for these situations (What time is it ... where di you buy that jacket .... 'I wish I could eat that ... but I'm on a duet" ... I'm going for coffee would you like to join me...)
The most important thing is to get the 'hi' out of your mouth .... after that it's downhill I PROMISE. And let's face it if he doesn't respond positively ... don't be disappointed ! because clearly he's not right for you :cool: no matter how cute he appears.0 -
Advertisement
-
-
-
-
I don't agree with any of this.
It's not confidence you need anyway - it's only a lack of fear. And that is a very difficult thing. because we WANT to find someone and we CARE.
Maturity is the only real answer OP. You need to develop the realisation NOT to invest individual encounters with super duper expectations ... and also the realisation that this thing we are told, about there being 'the one' out there .... is absolute bunkum.
In my long experience, we almost always find someone when we stop looking and the reason behind this is that we find someone when we stop investing high emotion in that split second.
Try to let life happen - if you can. Next time you have a situation like this happen ... Do not stop to THINK ...... and just say hi ... and have a few banal questions filed away in your mind for these situations (What time is it ... where di you buy that jacket .... 'I wish I could eat that ... but I'm on a duet" ... I'm going for coffee would you like to join me...)
The most important thing is to get the 'hi' out of your mouth .... after that it's downhill I PROMISE. And let's face it if he doesn't respond positively ... don't be disappointed ! because clearly he's not right for you :cool: no matter how cute he appears.
Well for what it's worth I agree with most of what you have written. But I still stand by what I said as well. Not having expectations and your views on ''the one'' I absolutely agree with.
What I was trying to articulate was that a lot of people - for different reasons - don't have this really thick skin that some people have, and because of this, it's probably more realistic for them not to go down the route that those with a thick skin go down, as doing so might be counterproductive. I'm not being entirely negative, just realistic.
I know people (including one guy) who have never chatted up someone in their lives, yet have had partners. This has happened (from the guy's point of view) because they've built a solid structure to their lives. Things like a job with a strong social element, a good circle of friends with a mixture of both sexes, and hobbies. All they need to do is be happy and put themselves out there, and the work is done for them (well almost all of the work).
In my opinion that works much better for people who don't have outgoing personalities. But I'm by no means being negative and saying someone shouldn't approach if they really want to. Our minds to a large extent are formed by the time we reach adulthood, and any self help guru saying someone can go from being introverted to outgoing is being disingenuous. As I said, I think people can change, but it's usually baby steps, and I think it's wise to live your life in a practical way.
I've personally discovered this. But saying that, if I saw a woman who I thought I absolutely had to say hi to, I'd like to think I would. And I'd encourage anybody else to do the same.0 -
yeppydeppy wrote: »Thanks for the advice but I couldn't afford the drugs I need to take for an ounce of that sort of confidence. (pun intended)
You must be able to put together the price of a pint or two!! Just dont get hammered as then your in for a serious pss take from them 0
Advertisement