Drink driving friend - Mod warning post #58

LegacyUser

Hi, just looking for some advice, a friend of mine in her very early twenties has been drink driving for the past few months and it has started to get a lot more frequent. Ive tried sitting down and talking to her and it achieved nothing as the problem is she genuinely sees no wrong or danger in her drink driving. It has gotten to the stage where she will get a taxi back to the house her car is parked at and will drive elsewhere from there.

She's crashed her car twice already and still has not learnt from either crash when she was in the wrong both times and with this, adding alcohol can only make this a hell of a lot worse, not sure what to do about it as its getting out of control.

I really don't want to see her end up killing herself or an innocent person . Ive considered contacting her mother but from previous experience between my friend and her mother its clear she never sees her daughter doing any wrong.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated please

Meauldsegosha

Your friend is scum, report her the the Garda next time she is drives after drinking. My partner was killed by a drink driver, I'll tell your friend what's its like to have the Garda knock on your door to tell someone you love has been killed. Your world just falls apart and all because some stupid selfish person got in their car and thought they could drive.

CaraMay

You have a duty to report her to the guards. If she was a pilot and about to fly a plane full of people while drunk, would you condone it? This isnt all that different

She won't control her drinking and sounds to have an alcohol problem and so should not be behind a wheel. It's especially bad when she is already in a taxi and gets out to drive ?!?!?!? She is a very selfish person.

How would you feel if she kills someone? Would you want their blood on your hands??? There will be if you do nothing.

angeldelight

You have tried speaking to her, she has crashed twice, clearly she is not going to stop herself, she has to be stopped. I know she's your friend and its difficult but you have to report her to the Gardai before she kills herself or someone else.

JillyQ

worriedfriend1 wrote: »

Hi, just looking for some advice, a friend of mine in her very early twenties has been drink driving for the past few months and it has started to get a lot more frequent. Ive tried sitting down and talking to her and it achieved nothing as the problem is she genuinely sees no wrong or danger in her drink driving. It has gotten to the stage where she will get a taxi back to the house her car is parked at and will drive elsewhere from there.

She's crashed her car twice already and still has not learnt from either crash when she was in the wrong both times and with this, adding alcohol can only make this a hell of a lot worse, not sure what to do about it as its getting out of control.

I really don't want to see her end up killing herself or an innocent person . Ive considered contacting her mother but from previous experience between my friend and her mother its clear she never sees her daughter doing any wrong.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated please

Next time she does it ring the local garda station. Maybe a night in the cell's & a visit to the local district court might wake her up a bit

thefeatheredcat

I don't think it is worth involving the mother - your friend is an adult and she has to accept that she is responsible for her behaviour and if the mother generally sees nothing wrong with other things that would have alarm bells ringing, then she will just enable and validate her drink driving behaviour.

You've sat her down and tried to talk to her, that has not got anywhere. Have you and other friends directly prevented her from driving while drunk? Prevented her from picking up her car from wherever?

Just call the Gardai and leave her to getting done for drink driving. She's young and should know better given her age as the mentality has altered; it is the height of irresponsibility and selfishness to drink drive and I personally couldn't be friends with someone who does drink drive.

Just remember that she doesn't care who else is on the road, most likely there is a high chance that if you drive, it could well be you getting injured or killed on the road, and if not you, than a family member or other relatives and friends and the loved ones of those you care about. She would know that and still doesn't care. That would make me question if she really is a friend worth giving a toss about if in general she sees absolutely nothing wrong. And given she has had 2 crashes in which she was in the wrong, I ask you, never get into a car with her, sober or drunk. She has proven to be an irresponsible or bad driver by being at fault in two crashes, part of being the driver is that your priority is the safety to others, your passengers especially, so please don't ever get in the car with her again. Not even if she's drunk and you want to keep an eye on her, don't do it.

michael999999

If she kills or seriously harms someone, can you live with your conscience if you don't tell the guards.

Ring the guards and speak to a sargeant, tell him what you told us and leave them to watch her from there.

Tell the guards you don't want your name mentioned. She sounds like a selfish bitch!

Chara1001

Jesus Op,
Do you know what the best case scenario is here if you don't call the guards? That she hurts HERSELF in her next accident- not an innocent man, woman, child or baby.
You have spoken to her, it hasn't worked. She's had two crashes already and hasn't learned anything!!!

She is going to hurt or kill someone with her recklessness, its only a matter of time. Then how will you feel knowing you could have done something about it?
Sorry to be harsh, but this is really serious

Oryx

What do the rest of her friends think? Because at her age, the opinion of her peers will have influence. So if you and the majority of her circle of friends tell her, in no uncertain terms, that she is waaaaay out of order, she might (just might) listen.

Personally, I couldn't stay friends with someone like that, it would bug me so much. So if you know she is out in the car with drink on her, phone the police. Who cares if you lose her as a friend. If she ends up killing someone she will find she loses a lot more than you.

ABajaninCork

Sorry, but the minute she left I'd have been on the phone to the Gards. And I wouldn't give a **** if she found out it was me either.

You know what you need to do. Do it.

GRMA

How much does she drink before driving?

feargale

Worriedfriend if you have nowhere else left to go you must go to the guards. Would you ever forgive yourself if you didn't and something really bad happened?

Blatter

Love all the people saying they would ring the Guards immediately in the OP's position when the vast majority of them wouldn't.

OP, sit down your friend and explain to them the technical effects of that drink driving has on her ability to drive the car like impact on reaction speed, how it reduces the ability to judge how fast she's going, how it gives yo false balance, how it makes it more difficult to do more than one thing etc. and then quote statistics that illustrate how much the chances of an accident increase after drink driving. And then, explain to her how you can't let her continue to do it and how you'll be left with no option but to contact the Guards unless it stops immediately.

And if she refuses to stop after that, THEN call the guards.

I Luv Crysis

I'm gonna go against the grain here and say there's a difference between having a drink and then driving (perfectly legal as long as you're under the BAC limit) and actual drunk driving. If it's the former (and you are sure) then you're wasting your time calling the gardai, if she's blind drunk then by all means report her as has been said and get her put off the road.

ABajaninCork

Blatter wrote: »

Love all the people saying they would ring the Guards immediately in the OP's position when the vast majority of them wouldn't.

OP, sit down your friend and explain to them the technical effects of that drink driving has on her ability to drive the car like impact on reaction speed, how it reduces the ability to judge how fast she's going, how it gives yo false balance, how it makes it more difficult to do more than one thing etc. and then quote statistics that illustrate how much the chances of an accident increase after drink driving. And then, explain to her how you can't let her continue to do it and how you'll be left with no option but to contact the Guards unless it stops immediately.

And if she refuses to stop after that, THEN call the guards.

I love the way you haven't bothered to read the OP properly...

Did you read this part??

worriedfriend1 wrote: »

Ive tried sitting down and talking to her and it achieved nothing as the problem is she genuinely sees no wrong or danger in her drink driving.

So do you think sitting the girl down and spouting a load of stats is going to make any difference? No, I don't think so either. The girl's already crashed her car twice due to the drink.

The only thing that's gonna make her stop is getting her nicked and off the road. To do that, I'm afraid someone's is going to HAVE to call the gards.

I just hope that's the OP.

ABajaninCork

Blatter wrote: »

Love all the people saying they would ring the Guards immediately in the OP's position when the vast majority of them wouldn't.

One more thing Blatter. Don't count me in that number. I would and I HAVE. I've also taken keys off people too pissed to drive. If I'm sober, then I'll drive them home in their car and take it back the next day. Done that too.

iusedtoknow

GRMA wrote: »

How much does she drink before driving?

irrelevant question
1 drink is too many before driving


I've shopped my dad's best friend to the gardai for drink driving, i'd do it to anyone. You have to call the gardai the next time with no questions asked

GRMA

iusedtoknow wrote: »

irrelevant question
1 drink is too many before driving


I've shopped my dad's best friend to the gardai for drink driving, i'd do it to anyone. You have to call the gardai the next time with no questions asked

No.... it's not. Massive difference between having one or two or being totally blathered

iusedtoknow

GRMA wrote: »

No.... it's not. Massive difference between having one or two or being totally blathered

And what if you have a low alcohol tolerance? I know someone that 1 beer would have them blathered....

The only way to ensure you are completely ok to drive is to not drink, if only to react quickly enough to other idiots out on the road that are "ok to drive" after a couple

Ickle Magoo

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Blatter

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I love the way you haven't bothered to read the OP properly...

Did you read this part??



So do you think sitting the girl down and spouting a load of stats is going to make any difference? No, I don't think so either. The girl's already crashed her car twice due to the drink.

The only thing that's gonna make her stop is getting her nicked and off the road. To do that, I'm afraid someone's is going to HAVE to call the gards.

I just hope that's the OP.

Of course I did, but the OP didn't give any details as to what they actually said to the person. What you say and what information you give them can make a big difference rather than just repeating 'don't drink and drive', 'it's dangerous' etc. You have to make them believe it. If that fails, THEN ring the Guards, imo.

Also, the OP doesn't specifically state that the two accidents previously have been due to alcohol, if anything it's inferred they happened when sober.

She's crashed her car twice already and still has not learnt from either crash when she was in the wrong both times and with this, adding alcohol can only make this a hell of a lot worse

ABajaninCork wrote: »

One more thing Blatter. Don't count me in that number. I would and I HAVE. I've also taken keys off people too pissed to drive. If I'm sober, then I'll drive them home in their car and take it back the next day. Done that too.

That's fine and I do believe that there's a certain amount of people that would do that, but in my experience, the vast majority of people wouldn't. Anyway I didn't mean to go on a tangent on this, it's beside the point.

The Big Red Button

Blatter wrote: »

Love all the people saying they would ring the Guards immediately in the OP's position when the vast majority of them wouldn't.

I was in that position. A friend's boyfriend was about to get behind the wheel of a car after seven pints. My friend (who was sober) was going to drive in her own car five minutes ahead of him to make sure there were no checkpoints on the road.

My friend told me she'd have nothing to do with me again if I called the Gardaí.

I picked up the phone and called the Gardaí.

I can live with not having that friend in my life anymore.

But, what if I had done nothing, and her boyfriend had injured or killed some innocent person that night? Now, that, I could NOT live with.

Blatter wrote: »

OP, sit down your friend and explain to them the technical effects of that drink driving has on her ability to drive the car like impact on reaction speed, how it reduces the ability to judge how fast she's going, how it gives yo false balance, how it makes it more difficult to do more than one thing etc. and then quote statistics that illustrate how much the chances of an accident increase after drink driving. And then, explain to her how you can't let her continue to do it and how you'll be left with no option but to contact the Guards unless it stops immediately.

And if she refuses to stop after that, THEN call the guards.

No. Don't wait til next time. The very next time could be the time she kills someone.

Don't have that on your conscience.

Ring the Gardaí now, give them all her details, car reg, etc, and tell them she's a frequent drink driver.

Sure, talk to her as well, for what it's worth. But you can't be sure that will work. At least if you've passed the information to the Gardaí, you've done what you can and you may well end up saving someone's life.

McCrack

Too much knee jerk reactions on this thread. To call a DD scum is extreme. We don't know how much she is drinking and driving and of course nobody should drink beyond the legal limit and drive yada yada. Personally I would never shop a friend into the Garda for anything. People make their own decisions in life, good bad or indifferent and they live with the consequences (or not as the case may be).

LegacyUser

Ask for her keys next time she tries to get behind the wheel drunk and if she refuses tell her you will call the garda and report her. I've done this and I know at least 2 others who've done the same and I would do it again without any issue. Yes the drinker will yell and act a general dick to you after but I'd much rather that then discover they'd injured or killed someone else while driving drunk. I couldn't live with myself if I thought that was something I could have prevented. I really don't care if drunk idiots wrap their car round a tree and kill themselves but other road users shouldn't have their lives put at risk for this persons actions.

As for wither she was drunk when she crashed the other two times I would assume she was or why would the OP mention it or if she wasn't then it means she's not a good driver when sober so imagine what she's like drunk!

michael999999

McCrack wrote: »

Too much knee jerk reactions on this thread. To call a DD scum is extreme. We don't know how much she is drinking and driving and of course nobody should drink beyond the legal limit and drive yada yada. Personally I would never shop a friend into the Garda for anything. People make their own decisions in life, good bad or indifferent and they live with the consequences (or not as the case may be).

Ya that's great for the poor b##tard they knock down and kill, some peoples attitude really wories me!

allym

OP I can understand why you're reluctant about doing something to upset your friend. But at the end of the day you know if something happened and she hurt someone, you'd feel guilty that you didn't do anything.

I know someone who rang the guards on her own sister as she was consistently drink driving and no amount of talking was helping. It's a difficult situation but as this person said if one of the kids on her road got killed through her not wanting to upset her sister, she could never live with herself.

The Big Red Button

McCrack wrote: »

Too much knee jerk reactions on this thread. To call a DD scum is extreme. We don't know how much she is drinking and driving and of course nobody should drink beyond the legal limit and drive yada yada. Personally I would never shop a friend into the Garda for anything. People make their own decisions in life, good bad or indifferent and they live with the consequences (or not as the case may be).

Right.

Imagine your boyfriend/girlfriend/father/mother/son/daughter is killed, while out on an innocent stroll, by a drunk driver who loses control and mounts the footpath.

Imagine the driver's friend comes to you and tells you that they knew this person was about to get behind the wheel of a car, drunk, and they had the opportunity to stop them, but they did nothing, sure how could they, it was a friend. They couldn't go shopping a friend.

How would you feel?

Meauldsegosha

McCrack wrote: »

Too much knee jerk reactions on this thread. To call a DD scum is extreme. We don't know how much she is drinking and driving and of course nobody should drink beyond the legal limit and drive yada yada. Personally I would never shop a friend into the Garda for anything. People make their own decisions in life, good bad or indifferent and they live with the consequences (or not as the case may be).

I called the drink driver scum and I stand by that opinion. The OP has spoken to her friend but she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong or dangerous. She has already had two crashes so she is obviously not a very competent driver, add even one drink to that and this woman should not be on the road. It is only a matter of time before she causes herself or someone else serious injury.

Yes people make their own decisions but when you get in a car with drink on you, any amount, you are making decisions for other people that could have serious consequences.

LegacyUser

Sorry for the late response, I wanted to take each post into consideration and reply to each one.

The reason I haven't reported her to the guards already is not because she's my friend but by the time I've found out shes after drink driving its usually too late, being two days later or even the following week

Her car registration and details will be passed onto the guards as a poster mentioned I couldn't live knowing she killed someone and I failed to act

@ Oryx - The people she's friends with are the people she's grown up with and are as bad as her if not even more deluded. An example being one friend that was out the night she got the taxi to the house where her car was parked the friend got in the car with her when she drove elsewhere. This situation is difficult to handle as she sees no wrong in her drink driving because she knows her parents will just buy her way out of any trouble she gets in. Having taken time to think about it properly I no longer consider her a friend and have lost all respect for her as have other people that know her.


@ABajaninCork - Believe me had I known that night she was going to get in a car I would have called the guards on her, the problem is I end up finding out too late to have her caught. I thought by her getting a taxi she was going home.

@GRMA - a lot of drink, bottle of wine and about two vodkas usually before she goes out, then a few cocktails and shots when she's out in clubs etc She doesn't stay out very long usually two hours then goes home / elsewhere

@Blatter - I've tried to talk to her and knock sense into her before she kills herself or someone else and it went in one ear and out the other. The problem being she believes she is sober when she gets into the car.

@iusedtoknow - shes usually really drunk after a bottle of wine never mind any other drink added to the mix, she can barely walk/speak clearly before she goes out some nights so I would consider her to have a low alcohol tolerance.

@Blatter - Regarding her two car crashes, she said there was no alochol involved in either but the first crash because of the nature of the crash and the time it hap I strongly believe there was and the second crash I don't think alochol was involved due to the time of day etc..

((Sorry for the layout of the post))

GRMA

Ah. Bear in mind that you might have to end up appearing in court against your friend if the garda don't get her in the act.

username123

I dont really understand the posters claiming they couldnt have it on their conscience if anything happened. Why would it be on their conscience? You cannot be responsible for the actions of another adult, they are entitled to make their own decisions. If you disagree with those decisions you are just as entitled to register your disagreement by dissolving the friendship, calling the guards etc... But you cannot directly control another persons actions. The OP has said that she has talked to her friend and that the friend will even take a taxi (so everyone will think she is not going to drive) and then drive the car after she gets out of the taxi - how is the OP supposed to do anything about this?

I wouldnt be happy if I knew someone doing this. I am old enough to remember when drink driving was a "normal" thing to be doing and I am glad that there has been a cultural shift against that. My own father was an alcoholic and drove drunk and thank god he lost his licence for it before he killed someone.

Would you stay friends with someone who took a loaded gun to a busy area and fired off shots blindfolded every weekend? Probably not. A car is just as deadly a weapon. I couldnt have someone who behaved like that in my life. If the opportunity was there to report the person to the Guards while they were behind the wheel drunk it should be done - although given what the OP has posted, Im not sure how practically possible this is.

But I wouldnt be feeling it was on my conscience, the decision to drink drive is being made by a sober adult who takes the car out with her when she intends to drink.

ABajaninCork

It's very nice of you to take the time to reply personally, OP. I give you props for trying to do the right thing. Well done!

One more thing you might also like to point out to your 'friend'. When (if) she's had a skinful the night before, if she goes to drive the following day, she is very likely still over the limit. A fact a lot of people fail to realise. When I've had a good drink, I don't get in my car at all the following day. Now that my (non drinker!) husband has a licence, he'll drive.

Tell her that if she's done for DD, her insurance will be sky high when she next goes to renew. If she can get insurance at all being under 25 (I assume) with a DD conviction. Does she have a full licence?

Drinking and driving is a total no no at home in the UK. People there wouldn't hesitate to call the Bill if you were looking to drive. It should be made just as socially unacceptable here. In the UK, no sliding scale of points or fines according to your reading. You'd be looking at a 12 month ban minimum and a hefty fine.

tinkerbell

OP, you are right to report her. I'd report her now, even though you find out about these things too late - it doesn't matter, report her anyway. Every time you hear of it happening, report her. The gardai will surely investigate it. Drink driving is a very serious offence.

Drink drivers are scumbags. There have been so many tragedies recently because of drink drivers where they kill an innocent person out driving or walking, yet the drink driver gets away without a scratch. Your "friend" sounds like a right ignorant rotten scumbag, so I would tell the gardai exactly what she's been doing - the drink she drinks, the pubs she frequents, etc. They'll bust her sooner than later hopefully. Well done for doing the right thing. You are possibly saving numerous innocent lives here from tragedy, and also - if someone survives a car accident, they could have serious life-changing injuries. Prevent that by reporting her.

LegacyUser

@ABajaninCork - Another friend has been over the fact she'd still be over the limit the following morning having taking the amount of alcohol she consumes into consideration. She has her full licence but doesn't care about her insurance being high because she won't be the one paying for it, her parents will. Tbh I think her car needs to be taken off her full stop.

McCrack

Fluffy Bunny Rabid wrote: »

Right.

Imagine your boyfriend/girlfriend/father/mother/son/daughter is killed, while out on an innocent stroll, by a drunk driver who loses control and mounts the footpath.

Imagine the driver's friend comes to you and tells you that they knew this person was about to get behind the wheel of a car, drunk, and they had the opportunity to stop them, but they did nothing, sure how could they, it was a friend. They couldn't go shopping a friend.

How would you feel?

Imagine? That's all it is, imagination. We can all think up different situations or scenarios as much as we like. Yes people shouldn't DD but this lynch mob mentality I have a problem with and people saying they would rat their friend out to the police.

People should mind their own business. Adults don't have control over other adults decisions and and like I said people make their choices and they suffer the consequences good, bad or indifferent. Also this idea of the crazed DD driving up on the footpath knocking down some innocent person out for a stroll doesn't cut much as an argument really. The reality and statistics are quite different.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

I dont really understand the posters claiming they couldnt have it on their conscience if anything happened. Why would it be on their conscience? You cannot be responsible for the actions of another adult, they are entitled to make their own decisions.

It would be on my conscience because it might have been something I could have stopped happening. Yes I'm not responsible for other peoples actions, if a drunk wants to injury or kill just themselves I say let them off but I am responsible for my actions and taking no action [ie not reporting a drunk driver/not taking the keys off them] is a choice a person makes and would then have to live with the out come of that choice. It might not weigh on some peoples mind but it would on mine if I woke the next morning and saw a news report of a person being killed that I could have stopped that.

I've a zero tolerance for drink driving as I think there's no excuse for it. If you want to drink then don't drive, if you can't afford a taxi then either don't spend your money on drink or don't go out. We have a wrapped view point in this country of having to get pissed drunk to have a good time and it's only going to change if peoples attitudes change.

McCrack

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

I called the drink driver scum and I stand by that opinion. The OP has spoken to her friend but she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong or dangerous. She has already had two crashes so she is obviously not a very competent driver, add even one drink to that and this woman should not be on the road. It is only a matter of time before she causes herself or someone else serious injury.

Yes people make their own decisions but when you get in a car with drink on you, any amount, you are making decisions for other people that could have serious consequences.

You will stand by that opinion, I'm not here to change it. Your also making assumptions. Competent and experienced drivers can have crashes too you know, sometimes not their own fault either. You're also making the assumption that a person who DD is inevitably going to crash. There are various levels of intoxication. A person who has one standard drink and drives is a DD. They are most likely not over the legal limit but they are still a DD yet I think they not more a danger than the next driver. Maybe their reaction times are .002 seconds slower or something.

ABajaninCork

McCrack wrote: »

People should mind their own business. Adults don't have control over other adults decisions and and like I said people make their choices and they suffer the consequences good, bad or indifferent.

If it's a case of DD, then I'm sorry, it's everyone's business! Someone in charge of a ton of steel whilst under the influence of drink or drugs is a danger to themselves as well as other road users. That is not subjective. It is a fact.

McCrack wrote: »

Also this idea of the crazed DD driving up on the footpath knocking down some innocent person out for a stroll doesn't cut much as an argument really. The reality and statistics are quite different.

Please show stats where this is the case.

Rasheed

I don't think your friend realises how dangerous drink driving is or how destructive it can be. Statistics are all good and well but it's only when tragedy hits your door that you even begin to comprehend how horrific drink driving can be.

I'd try talking to her again, warning her that you've told the guards. Might be no harm to involve her mother either. Maybe she'll listen to her.

Best of luck and I hope she realises she's lucky to have a friend like you.

username123

cant log wrote: »

It would be on my conscience because it might have been something I could have stopped happening. Yes I'm not responsible for other peoples actions, if a drunk wants to injury or kill just themselves I say let them off but I am responsible for my actions and taking no action [ie not reporting a drunk driver/not taking the keys off them] is a choice a person makes and would then have to live with the out come of that choice. It might not weigh on some peoples mind but it would on mine if I woke the next morning and saw a news report of a person being killed that I could have stopped that.

But the OP clearly stated that she only finds out about it later. How is she meant to do anything to change that? She doesnt have a time machine.

Personally I think her strongest action here is to disassociate herself from this person and tell them why she does not want anything to do with them.

Its fanciful to imagine that you can stop people from doing things if they have their mind set on doing them, no one is anyone elses keeper, nor should they be imo.

Canard

Well done OP for deciding to report her. You're absolutely doing the right thing, don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. It's unacceptable and inexcusable behaviour - she can get a taxi or stay sober, it's not exactly difficult. Hopefully she'll cop onto herself if the guards get on her case. You might never change her, but at least you'll know you tried.

McCrack wrote: »

Imagine? That's all it is, imagination. We can all think up different situations or scenarios as much as we like. Yes people shouldn't DD but this lynch mob mentality I have a problem with and people saying they would rat their friend out to the police.

People should mind their own business. Adults don't have control over other adults decisions and and like I said people make their choices and they suffer the consequences good, bad or indifferent. Also this idea of the crazed DD driving up on the footpath knocking down some innocent person out for a stroll doesn't cut much as an argument really. The reality and statistics are quite different.

How lucky for some that it's all in their imagination, isn't it! People make their choices to murder, should we be indifferent to that? Go tell victims of drunk drivers all about the decision they made to have their lives ruined, if they're not already dead. There have been cases of DDs mowing down groups of people on the path, there is absolutely no defending it. I would rat out anyone drink driving without a moment's hesitation and seriously judge them for even considering it.

tawnyowl

Blatter wrote: »

Love all the people saying they would ring the Guards immediately in the OP's position when the vast majority of them wouldn't.

OP, sit down your friend and explain to them the technical effects of that drink driving has on her ability to drive the car like impact on reaction speed, how it reduces the ability to judge how fast she's going, how it gives yo false balance, how it makes it more difficult to do more than one thing etc. and then quote statistics that illustrate how much the chances of an accident increase after drink driving. And then, explain to her how you can't let her continue to do it and how you'll be left with no option but to contact the Guards unless it stops immediately.

The OP has already tried explaining the effect of drink on driving to the friend, plus the friend has crashed twice after drinking.

December2012

Op do you think your friend is acting recklessly on purpose? How is her life going?

willmunny1990

tawnyowl wrote: »

The OP has already tried explaining the effect of drink on driving to the friend, plus the friend has crashed twice after drinking.

We don't no that for sure yet, worriedfriend has stated that the girl in question has said she wasn't drunk during either of her crashes.

I would suggest talking to the friend again while stressing the fact you will have no option other than reporting her to the guards if she doesn't stop the drink driving.

Reporting her is a massive step and despite what some of the unsung hero's are saying on here, most people wouldn't do it.

McCrack

McCrack wrote: »

Imagine? That's all it is, imagination. We can all think up different situations or scenarios as much as we like. Yes people shouldn't DD but this lynch mob mentality I have a problem with and people saying they would rat their friend out to the police.

People should mind their own business. Adults don't have control over other adults decisions and and like I said people make their choices and they suffer the consequences good, bad or indifferent. Also this idea of the crazed DD driving up on the footpath knocking down some innocent person out for a stroll doesn't cut much as an argument really. The reality and statistics are quite different.

But it's not imagination. I know plenty of families destroyed by drunk drivers. Are you really that naive to think it hardly ever happens? I personally know a girl who lost the use of her legs after a drunk driver hit the family car. She was 16 at the time. I know another girl whose brother was killed after a drunk driver hit his car head-on. Minding your own business just doesn't cut it when it comes to this topic. Adults might not be able to control other adults' decisions but they sure as hell can inform the authorities who might be able to take action and prevent a tragedy.

Do you and your family live in Ireland? If so, there is a real chance that this girl could destroy your life. You could be the one opening your door tonight to the guards informing you that your parents have been killed on their way home from work, or your sister knocked down crossing the road on her way home from school. Does that not worry you at all? Your lack of empathy and understanding of how serious and destructive it is to drive while under the influence are concerning.

Golfwidow

I too cannot stand this culture of drink driving. I live in an area where my husband and some of his friends often drink and drive , my husband in particular . Years ago he had his licence banned for a year and lost his job at the time but it didn't take long for him to start taking a chance again. I have spoken to him, asked friends to speak to him and even been to the local gardai for advice - asking why he continues to get away with this? I really am worried that one evening he will injure or kill himself or others. Working in the local area, I am well known here and I can imagine people in the community will damn me and my family for not stopping him ... But what more can I do? Our current drink culture doesn't help , especially the recent TD in Kerry wanting to make an exception to the rules for drinkers in his locality! I often get the feeling that I am viewed as a troublemaker because I am so against this behaviour . How often I've heard grown adults boasting about how much they'd drank and managed to drive home! Are they looking at this as a badge of honour???We've got to have everybody singing off the same hymn sheet before it is considered both shameful and dangerous to drink and drive . Gardai waving penalty points doesn't help either. I'd like to think gardai would take more seriously a cry for help when someone like myself plucks up the courage to tell them of a family member who drinks and drives ... I would have thought a call to the house and a chat ?? But no! Nothing! So even the Garda made me feel a fool , making trouble! What to do???

McCrack

Rafael Flaky Disc wrote: »

But it's not imagination. I know plenty of families destroyed by drunk drivers. Are you really that naive to think it hardly ever happens? I personally know a girl who lost the use of her legs after a drunk driver hit the family car. She was 16 at the time. I know another girl whose brother was killed after a drunk driver hit his car head-on. Minding your own business just doesn't cut it when it comes to this topic. Adults might not be able to control other adults' decisions but they sure as hell can inform the authorities who might be able to take action and prevent a tragedy.

Do you and your family live in Ireland? If so, there is a real chance that this girl could destroy your life. You could be the one opening your door tonight to the guards informing you that your parents have been killed on their way home from work, or your sister knocked down crossing the road on her way home from school. Does that not worry you at all? Your lack of empathy and understanding of how serious and destructive it is to drive while under the influence are concerning.

I'm not going to pander to scaremongering like practically everybody on this thread and follow the Gay Byrne/RSA line and make a DD out to be some kind of demon. If we look at statistics they tell us that in 2011 the gardai detected nearly 11,000 incidences of DD. If we give the gardai a detection success rate of 1 in 5 DD that would mean there were around 50,000 incidences of DD in Ireland in 2011.

Now there were 186 road fatalities in 2011. The RSA estimate 1 in 4 of those involved DD. That's 45 or so deaths directly attributed to alcohol out of 50,000 incidences of DD.

That's the perspective people need to understand.

Again I say we dont know how much drinking the OP's friend is taking and like another poster said, if she disapproves so much distance herself from her DD friend. I certainly would not suggest snitching to the Gardai. A friend in my book would not do that, DD or any offence.

Meauldsegosha

McCrack wrote: »

Again I say we dont know how much drinking the OP's friend is taking and like another poster said, if she disapproves so much distance herself from her DD friend. I certainly would not suggest snitching to the Gardai. A friend in my book would not do that, DD or any offence.

Yes we do the OP told us.

worriedfriend1 wrote: »

Sorry for the late response, I wanted to take each post into consideration and reply to each one.

The reason I haven't reported her to the guards already is not because she's my friend but by the time I've found out shes after drink driving its usually too late, being two days later or even the following week

Her car registration and details will be passed onto the guards as a poster mentioned I couldn't live knowing she killed someone and I failed to act

@GRMA - a lot of drink, bottle of wine and about two vodkas usually before she goes out, then a few cocktails and shots when she's out in clubs etc She doesn't stay out very long usually two hours then goes home / elsewhere


((Sorry for the layout of the post))

And 45 deaths in a year due to drink driving is 45 deaths too many.

McCrack

45 deaths is 45 deaths too many but we don't live in a perfect world unfortunately

McCrack

McCrack wrote: »

I'm not going to pander to scaremongering like practically everybody on this thread and follow the Gay Byrne/RSA line and make a DD out to be some kind of demon. If we look at statistics they tell us that in 2011 the gardai detected nearly 11,000 incidences of DD. If we give the gardai a detection success rate of 1 in 5 DD that would mean there were around 50,000 incidences of DD in Ireland in 2011.

Now there were 186 road fatalities in 2011. The RSA estimate 1 in 4 of those involved DD. That's 45 or so deaths directly attributed to alcohol out of 50,000 incidences of DD.

That's the perspective people need to understand.

Again I say we dont know how much drinking the OP's friend is taking and like another poster said, if she disapproves so much distance herself from her DD friend. I certainly would not suggest snitching to the Gardai. A friend in my book would not do that, DD or any offence.

Firstly, you're talking about fatalities. What about the people who are injured by drunk drivers and don't die? I'm sure my friend is pretty annoyed about being stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of her life because some little bimbo decided she'd drive home from the nightclub because she was too scabby to pay for a taxi. Secondly, 1 in 4 road fatalities being caused by drink is a huge proportion. We're talking about people here. People dying. Even ONE person killed by a selfish drunk driver is one too many. It's completely avoidable and that's the worst thing about DD. There is no need whatsoever for anyone to get behind the wheel of a car when drunk.

Your cold detachment is frankly quite weird and I doubt that if you'd lost a friend or close family member to drunk driving that you'd be so flippant. Most normal, sensible people with normal values would put potential loss of life ahead of a friendship. Reporting a drunk driver is not snitching. It's taking action to protect both your friend and innocent people. Sitting back and taking the easy option and not bothering to report someone who might end up dead in a ditch tonight, if they don't kill someone else first, is not being a good friend. DD is one of the most selfish, dangerous crimes possible. It baffles me that you don't seem to think it's a big deal.

Meauldsegosha

McCrack wrote: »

45 deaths is 45 deaths too many but we don't live in a perfect world unfortunately

Yes I know that all too well having lost my partner to a drunk driver.

You ignored the rest of my post about how much the OPs friend drinks. Do you think she should be driving with that amount of alcohol in her?