I am just going outside and may be some time ...

reilig

Maybe this is a stupid question, but how are people convincing their wife/husband that going out cycling every weekend is a good idea. In my case I say to her on a friday night "I'm going out cycling with the club on sunday morning, will be gone at 7.30 and back before 12.30". I get "fine" as a response and for the rest of the weekend I get all picture and no sound. It gets to the point that it's hardly worth going out cycling when you have to deal with a response like this every weekend. Anything cycling related gets a "tut". It's not that it's causing her much grief and its doing me the world of good for keeping the cholesterol down and a bit of weight off.

I've negotiated going to the Tour de Foothills by convincng her that Naas is close to Kildare village and she can go shopping for a few hours. But getting out on the bike at weekends is getting more and more difficult - not physically difficult but psychologically difficult.

Has anyone faced this problem (perhaps everyone has) and can you offer me any pointers to bring her on course?

colm_gti

reilig wrote: »

...and for the rest of the weekend I get all picture and no sound...

Where's the problem? Sounds like the ideal situation!

seamus

reilig wrote: »

Has anyone faced this problem (perhaps everyone has) and can you offer me any pointers to bring her on course?

Do something in lieu. Make Sunday afternoon coupley time where you get in from your cycle, make lunch for the two of you then go off and go for a walk or go shopping or something.

My wife's actually been very good. She knows that I start to go a little bit insane when I haven't been out for a good spin on the bike in a few weeks. And since I look after the baby on Saturday, Sunday is basically my only day off in the week so she's happy enough to let me saunter off. Besides, by the time I get back she's only just had her shower so it's not like she needs me there on Sunday morning.

If you don't have kids, I don't see the problem.

reilig

colm_gti wrote: »

Where's the problem? Sounds like the ideal situation!

You have to deal with the fallout from it for the rest of the week until the next friday night when you tell her "I'm going out cycling on sunday morning".

reilig

seamus wrote: »

Do something in lieu. Make Sunday afternoon coupley time where you get in from your cycle, make lunch for the two of you then go off and go for a walk or go shopping or something.

My wife's actually been very good. She knows that I start to go a little bit insane when I haven't been out for a good spin on the bike in a few weeks. And since I look after the baby on Saturday, Sunday is basically my only day off in the week so she's happy enough to let me saunter off. Besides, by the time I get back she's only just had her shower so it's not like she needs me there on Sunday morning.

If you don't have kids, I don't see the problem.

Thanks for the info. We have a kid. But she's at the stage where she sleeps in, and doesn't need a nappy changed.

colm_gti

reilig wrote: »

You have to deal with the fallout from it for the rest of the week until the next friday night when you tell her "I'm going out cycling on sunday morning".

Sorry, I hope that came across the way it was intended

I had already been consumed by cycling before I met my girlfriend, so it's normal to her that I go off on the bike for a few hours of a Saturday and Sunday morning.

She got a little upset at the beginning, but I maintained it was because she wasn't doing something similar herself and bought her a bike, now she goes off to the gym or for a cycle when I'm out on my bike

tfrancer

reilig wrote: »

Has anyone faced this problem (perhaps everyone has) and can you offer me any pointers to bring her on course?

Are you serious? If yes, a cycling forum is a funny place to look for advice on marital issues? Would your wife feel the same if you spent Sunday mornings golfing, or in the pub or in the bookies?

Slo_Rida

Unless you are a pig of a husband during the other 6.5 days, she should go "take a leap at herself". You are surely entitled to a few hours exercise in the weekend. Do you spend all the household budget on booze fags and gambling? No? Then go for your spin and try get used to the guilt, it's your problem but not your fault.
Yours sincerely,
Fellow victim of wifes cycling negativity!

PS Another option would be to actually become a pig-husband for a month and give up cycling and take up said booze, fags and gambling and see where she stands on cycling then.

PPS Man it's great to vent!

HA Just read tfrancer's post after I submitted mine...add golfing to my list above :-)

seamus

reilig wrote: »

Thanks for the info. We have a kid. But she's at the stage where she sleeps in, and doesn't need a nappy changed.

Well then I don't see the problem

Do something fun on the Saturday or Sunday, whisk the young one away for 3 hours so your wife has time to herself. She's really just jealous that you get to go off and have fun on your own.

My Dad always relates his golfing experience to me. He took up golfing in his mid-twenties as a social thing and by the time he had 4 young kids, heading out at 10am on Sunday and arriving back at 3pm just didn't cut it.
So he arranged to get the earliest tee times he could, often leaving the house at 7am and rushing back straight away to be home by midday.

So he did this for quite a few years, yawning on the teebox until one day he said he came home at midday and there was no-one around. We were all still in bed, even my mother. So he said "feck this" and from that day on he started going out at 10am again.

NamelessPhil

reilig wrote: »

Maybe this is a stupid question, but how are people convincing their wife/husband that going out cycling every weekend is a good idea. In my case I say to her on a friday night "I'm going out cycling with the club on sunday morning, will be gone at 7.30 and back before 12.30".

If you are presenting this as an ultimatum on Friday night, then it might be problematic. As others have said, if you're pulling your weight in the household/relationship, then she's being unreasonable.

Have you sat down and had a frank discussion with her about joining the club and what your aims are for the year? Maybe she doesn't realise that it's going to be every Sunday and thinks it will be just some of them.

Does she get to block book 5 hours away from the family during the week? Also, is that 5 hour slot accurate, does it still take you another 2 hours to be showered, stretched and fed so that you're not really available to her until late Sunday afternoon?

It may also be problematic for her if she can't grasp the benefits cycling has for you. I remember long ago when my then boyfriend was juggling working and cycling and our relationship, it did seem as if the relationship was coming last in his list. When we had a discussion about it and when I knew what his aims were, it was easier to support him.

P.S. Reader I married him and we both still cycle.

reilig

tfrancer wrote: »

Are you serious? If yes, a cycling forum is a funny place to look for advice on marital issues? Would your wife feel the same if you spent Sunday mornings golfing, or in the pub or in the bookies?

I see it as a cycling issue and anyway I though this was the off topic thread? I don't play golf or go to the pub or the bookies. Cycling is pretty much what I do. I get up at 6am a couple of mornings per week to cycle and try to get out over the weekend with the club.

daragh_

reilig wrote: »

Maybe this is a stupid question, but how are people convincing their wife/husband that going out cycling every weekend is a good idea.

It's not a stupid question at all, and you've touched a nerve I think. Might be worth it's own thread (mods?)

Planning, more planning and a willingness to compromise generally works for me. Sometimes that means not going out. Sometimes it means cutting short a Club Spin and hammering home (this can be good training ), sometimes it means training on your own at stupid times of the day or night and sometimes it means getting to do a sportive or a race and coming around the final stretch or up over to top of the Shay Elliot to see your wife and kids waving like lunatics.

buffalo

NamelessPhil wrote: »

P.S. Reader I married him and we both still cycle.

Beasty

daragh_ wrote: »

It's not a stupid question at all, and you've touched a nerve I think. Might be worth it's own thread (mods?)

Posts moved from the Camper Van

Beasty

With 4 kids requiring ferrying around I rarely get much chance to get out at weekends (during daylight anyway). I try to make the most of my commutes during the week, saving any "weekend passes" for specific races I'm targetting. I'll then probably do one or two turbo sessions over the weekend once the 2 youngest have gone to bed.

The good news is the family tend to go away over the summer holidays giving me a lot more flexibility during July and August

531

seamus wrote: »

My wife's actually been very good. She knows that I start to go a little bit insane when I haven't been out for a good spin on the bike in a few weeks.



I can relate to that. My wife is great, she knows I could have worse pastimes but we do have small kids and cycling is very time consuming.

funkyjebus

Let yourself go for a few months and she'll be packing your saddle bag for you in no time.

markens2

My missus loves the fact that I go out at the weekend.
She's delighted that I'm losing weight, getting fit and have a new interest.

Is that strange???

ednwireland

reilig wrote: »

Maybe this is a stupid question, but how are people convincing their wife/husband that going out cycling every weekend is a good idea. In my case I say to her on a friday night "I'm going out cycling with the club on sunday morning, will be gone at 7.30 and back before 12.30". I get "fine" as a response and for the rest of the weekend I get all picture and no sound. It gets to the point that it's hardly worth going out cycling when you have to deal with a response like this every weekend. Anything cycling related gets a "tut". It's not that it's causing her much grief and its doing me the world of good for keeping the cholesterol down and a bit of weight off.

I've negotiated going to the Tour de Foothills by convincng her that Naas is close to Kildare village and she can go shopping for a few hours. But getting out on the bike at weekends is getting more and more difficult - not physically difficult but psychologically difficult.

Has anyone faced this problem (perhaps everyone has) and can you offer me any pointers to bring her on course?

my OH scuba dives on a sunday, we have no kids

Lumen

ednwireland wrote: »

my OH scuba dives on a sunday, we have no kids

Must...resist....

godtabh

seamus wrote: »

Do something in lieu. Make Sunday afternoon coupley time where you get in from your cycle, make lunch for the two of you then go off and go for a walk or go shopping or something.

My wife's actually been very good. She knows that I start to go a little bit insane when I haven't been out for a good spin on the bike in a few weeks. And since I look after the baby on Saturday, Sunday is basically my only day off in the week so she's happy enough to let me saunter off. Besides, by the time I get back she's only just had her shower so it's not like she needs me there on Sunday morning.

If you don't have kids, I don't see the problem.

I'm rlucky. My wife suggested joining the cycle club so I always blame here for my club spins

This is more or less how I operate as well. Sunday afternoon is usually spent out as a family or if we do that on a Saturday my wife might go to the gym on sunday afternoon.

Then I'm also out every opportunity that doesn't impact on family life. An hour most mornings. Last week was a good example. Wife went down home for the weekend and as I was missing the club spin cycled down to here.

This week the wife is away with the little one so I'll be out for 2 hours each morning as I have no kid drop offs to do. Doesnt happen all the time but when it does I maximize it

t'bear

markens2 wrote: »

My missus loves the fact that I go out at the weekend.
She's delighted that I'm losing weight, getting fit and have a new interest.

Is that strange???

I married a gem then, when I took this up last year she was laughing at me thinking this was a mid life crises and it would pass.......almost a year later and through some nasty winter weather she gets to see my lycra covered ass disappear on commutes and weekend spins, she has been 200% supportive of the time taken up by cycling. We plan carefully the calender in the upcoming week.

have 2 kids but manage to work around their stuff/school/mid terms etc, its compromise of course but very workable. She takes Monday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings for her interests, I taxi kids around on Saturday mornings.

Oh I play golf in the summer time as well :-)

She gets to abuse me and be jealous of how much lighter I am now compared the lump of last year

smacl

daragh_ wrote: »

...or up over to top of the Shay Elliot to see your wife and kids waving like lunatics.

Or even beeping the horn for the rest of us poor fools struggling uphill against the elements if memory serves. Legend, as the youth of the day might say.

My wife and daughters have been largely supportive of my cycling to date, to the extent that if I'm getting grumpy they'd pack me off on my bike, and I've also had them waving at the finish line as I crawl home among the final 5% of finishers for whatever event I enter. Compromise is important, as is taking on the responsibility for making sure that everyone is having fun and getting their days and nights out. e.g. I got my wife a surprise pressie of acting lessons at the local tech year before last, and while she nearly killed me at the time, she got a great laugh out of them.

You have to ask yourself is it your absence for a few hours here and there that is annoying your wife, or that you're getting out on your jollies each weekend while she's not. I'd guess its the latter, which is easily remedied with a little imagination.

FTM1984

reilig wrote: »

Maybe this is a stupid question, but how are people convincing their wife/husband that going out cycling every weekend is a good idea. In my case I say to her on a friday night "I'm going out cycling with the club on sunday morning, will be gone at 7.30 and back before 12.30". I get "fine" as a response and for the rest of the weekend I get all picture and no sound. It gets to the point that it's hardly worth going out cycling when you have to deal with a response like this every weekend. Anything cycling related gets a "tut". It's not that it's causing her much grief and its doing me the world of good for keeping the cholesterol down and a bit of weight off.

I've negotiated going to the Tour de Foothills by convincng her that Naas is close to Kildare village and she can go shopping for a few hours. But getting out on the bike at weekends is getting more and more difficult - not physically difficult but psychologically difficult.

Has anyone faced this problem (perhaps everyone has) and can you offer me any pointers to bring her on course?

I had the same problem and I didn't do w200 last year because I just didnt want the hassle. I'm single now so I'm really lookin forward to it!!

seamus

FTM1984 wrote: »

I'm single now so I'm really lookin forward to it!!

We'll call that "Plan B"

reilig

FTM1984 wrote: »

I had the same problem and I didn't do w200 last year because I just didnt want the hassle. I'm single now so I'm really lookin forward to it!!

I won't be going that far . I'm really just looking for ideas to help to bring her around a bit to the idea of me cycling for a few hours on a sunday morning. I do realise that it's give or take. She goes dancing twice a week in the evening and walking at least one evening per week, and I do my share with our daughter then - well i do my share with her all of the time, I don't think anyone can deny that. I am also the one who got up every morning early with our daughter over the last 3 years while the OH stayed in bed.
I probably feel guilty without the need for it, but she has a way of making me feel guilty sometimes. I guess I'll just have to get on with it and make sure that all aspects of life are 50:50.

Seaswimmer

Personally if 2 people are working full time Monday to Friday then I think ideally weekends should be where possible spent together for as much time as possible. This is even more important when kids enter the equation. I suppose its like everything else in a relationship in that if both people are happy with the arrangment then everything is ok.

In the OP's case one person is not happy so I dont think I could go out enjoying myself knowing that there is resentment building up in the other partner.

I think where possible get your cycling in during the working day. This is why commuting is perfect if one can do it..

This topic appears to be moving more towards personal issues!!!

-K2-

We reached a compromise. One day every weekend and one weekend in four is free of cycling. When I go out on the bike this forces me to make the most of it: if I'm out for 10km or 110km on a Sunday this still qualifies as a cycle. I think having regular breaks suits me as well both physically and mentally: after a weekend off I'm refreshed and ready to go again.

When the weather & daylight improves I'll have a few extended commutes as well during the week.

ashleey

seamus wrote: »

Do something in lieu. Make Sunday afternoon coupley time where you get in from your cycle, make lunch for the two of you then go off and go for a walk or go shopping or something.

My wife's actually been very good. She knows that I start to go a little bit insane when I haven't been out for a good spin on the bike in a few weeks. And since I look after the baby on Saturday, Sunday is basically my only day off in the week so she's happy enough to let me saunter off. Besides, by the time I get back she's only just had her shower so it's not like she needs me there on Sunday morning.

If you don't have kids, I don't see the problem.

This is a ridiculous suggestion. If you have the energy 'to make lunch and go shopping', then you haven't pushed yourself hard enough on the club spin.

ashleey

In seriousness, OP, I feel your pain. We have a 4 kids and the usual busy time plus my wife works Saturdays and occasional Sundays, so me disappearing for 4 hours on Sunday at 8am isn't always welcome. Just try to miss a few club spins and do a few 100s instead of 160s on sportives.

My best results have been achieved by not doing bike maintenance all around the house unless she is out and don't, whatever you do get caught weighing yourself and describing how many kgs you have lost since Christmas.

seamus

ashleey wrote: »

This is a ridiculous suggestion. If you have the energy 'to make lunch and go shopping', then you haven't pushed yourself hard enough on the club spin.

You can if you just treat it like a delayed hangover. You stumble behind her around the shops, sweating and puffing, stopping every chance you can get to sit down, complaining about your thumping headache and going into a shop every ten minutes to buy something to drink and something to eat.

That's usually how a post-spin shopping trip goes for me...

sillysmiles

reilig wrote: »

I'm really just looking for ideas to help to bring her around a bit to the idea of me cycling for a few hours on a sunday morning.

This may seem like a far out suggestion, but have you asked her what it is that p1sses her off about it?

Is it that you "tell her" you are going, rather than seeing has she already planned something?
Are you too bolloxed when you get home to be any company?
Until you know what aspect of it she has an issue with you wont know how to sort it.

StaggerLee

Threaten to join a Triathlon club. Swim and run Saturday morning, club spin on Sunday morning. Mrs Staggerlee and the kids are delighted

In seriousness I rarely do both days at the weekend, but I think its important to make it part of your weekend routine, that way you dont have to have the conversation about it on the Friday night.

kuro_man

reilig wrote: »

...I'm going out cycling with the club on sunday morning, will be gone at 7.30 and back before 12.30..with chocolate.

I have identified the problem & solution

ugsparky

First mistake - trying to understand women
Second mistake - listening to her
Third mistake - feeling guilty about nothing - it's a bike not another woman
Fourth mistake - asking people on here - we are all bike freaks - see rule 11

... messing ... obviously with a small kiddie you can't both go for a spin together. Why not try meeting both of them somewhere and having Sunday lunch together ... one week with the cycle club and next week picking a spot and meeting up. That way you can put the bike in the boot or cycle home after. You can tell her about your spin and enjoy lunch with both of them ... best of both worlds ... you spend time doing something you love and spend time with two people you obviously love

Woody_FX

reilig wrote: »

Maybe this is a stupid question, but how are people convincing their wife/husband that going out cycling every weekend is a good idea. In my case I say to her on a friday night "I'm going out cycling with the club on sunday morning, will be gone at 7.30 and back before 12.30". I get "fine" as a response and for the rest of the weekend I get all picture and no sound. It gets to the point that it's hardly worth going out cycling when you have to deal with a response like this every weekend. Anything cycling related gets a "tut". It's not that it's causing her much grief and its doing me the world of good for keeping the cholesterol down and a bit of weight off.

I've negotiated going to the Tour de Foothills by convincng her that Naas is close to Kildare village and she can go shopping for a few hours. But getting out on the bike at weekends is getting more and more difficult - not physically difficult but psychologically difficult.

Has anyone faced this problem (perhaps everyone has) and can you offer me any pointers to bring her on course?

I feel for you man. I dont know how you can tolerate somebody as sour as that. Maybe its time to call her out for this childish bull****e.

EDIT: Not meant to sound like a criticism of you mate, rather the unreasonable way your wife handles this.

markens2

ashleey wrote: »

whatever you do get caught weighing yourself and describing how many kgs you have lost since Christmas.

Hahaha. I've become a pig for doing that lately. Goes down well in my house.

nilhg

I suppose in a way I'm lucky, even before I took up cycling I always had various stuff going on at the weekends so the fact that I dropped something else to go cycling hasn't made much difference, in fact I'm often home much earlier if I go out solo early in the morning than I might otherwise have been.

As long as I don't take the car away for the day things tend to be OK, it can be hard to explain that I want to leave the car parked up somewhere for the day while I cycle and she is stuck.

If there is any friction in our house over cycling it usually happens if I don't get to meet the postman and some packages arrive.....

ashleey

Getting caught weighing your bike(s) isn't good either

StaggerLee

ashleey wrote: »

Getting caught weighing your bike(s) isn't good either

Either is meticulously cleaning your bike(s) out the back as she peers at you through the manky Windows

CramCycle

I never get stick so long as I tell her in advance. I set up a google spreadsheet at the beginning of the year and put in all the dates I planned to be away for long cycles, club spins etc. Everytime she gives out I point it out (I told her all the dates last year but she claims I didn't, google docs takes the pressure of me convincing her). So long as there is nothing she wants to do, it seems to work.

I am working alot at the minute though, we will see how long this arrangement lasts.

It gives her the chance to point out any unsuitable dates as well.

Hungrycol

reilig wrote: »

Maybe this is a stupid question, but how are people convincing their wife/husband that going out cycling every weekend is a good idea. In my case I say to her on a friday night "I'm going out cycling with the club on sunday morning, will be gone at 7.30 and back before 12.30". I get "fine" as a response and for the rest of the weekend I get all picture and no sound. It gets to the point that it's hardly worth going out cycling when you have to deal with a response like this every weekend. Anything cycling related gets a "tut". It's not that it's causing her much grief and its doing me the world of good for keeping the cholesterol down and a bit of weight off.

I've negotiated going to the Tour de Foothills by convincng her that Naas is close to Kildare village and she can go shopping for a few hours. But getting out on the bike at weekends is getting more and more difficult - not physically difficult but psychologically difficult.

Has anyone faced this problem (perhaps everyone has) and can you offer me any pointers to bring her on course?

Can you go out with the Club on saturday morning? That way you get it "out of the way" at the front end of the weekend not half way through it. Are you conscious of drinking or what you eat on a Sat night for the spin on Sun morning, i.e. is your weekend revolved around Sun morning spin? Then are you doing the sofa luge on Sunday?

Malari

As long as people don't have kids I don't understand the issue! My boyfriend cycles every weekend day, it'd be weird if he didn't. I go out on the bike a lot too, but not for as long and I love having a few hours to myself. Also whatever I make for dinner (I love cooking) always goes down well because he's so hungry

There has never been any friction over cycling ever in my house. I can't even imagine what I could possibly get upset about

Slo_Rida

Malari wrote: »

As long as people don't have kids I don't understand the issue! My boyfriend cycles every weekend day, it'd be weird if he didn't. I go out on the bike a lot too, but not for as long and I love having a few hours to myself. Also whatever I make for dinner (I love cooking) always goes down well because he's so hungry

There has never been any friction over cycling ever in my house. I can't even imagine what I could possibly get upset about

Marry me?

Malari

Slo_Rida wrote: »

Marry me?

Malari wrote: »

As long as people don't have kids I don't understand the issue! My boyfriend cycles every weekend day, it'd be weird if he didn't. I go out on the bike a lot too, but not for as long and I love having a few hours to myself. Also whatever I make for dinner (I love cooking) always goes down well because he's so hungry

There has never been any friction over cycling ever in my house. I can't even imagine what I could possibly get upset about

Sorry, get in line :cool:




:pac:

colm_gti

3rd in line!

Malari

Seriously, I fully understand if you have a child to mind that you have to divide your time more equitably, but if you are just responsible for you, what exactly do your partners have a problem with?

godtabh

ashleey wrote: »

Getting caught weighing your bike(s) isn't good either

I've been caught doing worse

Slo_Rida

Malari wrote: »

Seriously, I fully understand if you have a child to mind that you have to divide your time more equitably, but if you are just responsible for you, what exactly do your partners have a problem with?

They're afraid we'll meet an understanding woman like yourself

reilig

Malari wrote: »

Seriously, I fully understand if you have a child to mind that you have to divide your time more equitably, but if you are just responsible for you, what exactly do your partners have a problem with?

We have a child. My wife just isn't keen on cycling. She sees it as something which takes me away from her and our daughter for 3 or 4 hours on a sunday whereas I see it as something which I enjoy doing, it keeps me fit and gives me an excuse to meet other people outside of work. While she goes off for an hour a few nights a week to walk or to dance, she doesn't like the fact that cycling takes me away for 3 or 4 hours in 1 block. It's not that she's a spiteful b****, she's relatively new to the idea of cycling and needs to be introduced to the idea that it can be fun. Hence my idea to start this thread asking people how they promote cycling to their partners and bring them around to their way of thinking about cycling.

Malari

reilig wrote: »

We have a child. My wife just isn't keen on cycling. She sees it as something which takes me away from her and our daughter for 3 or 4 hours on a sunday whereas I see it as something which I enjoy doing, it keeps me fit and gives me an excuse to meet other people outside of work. While she goes off for an hour a few nights a week to walk or to dance, she doesn't like the fact that cycling takes me away for 3 or 4 hours in 1 block. It's not that she's a spiteful b****, she's relatively new to the idea of cycling and needs to be introduced to the idea that it can be fun. Hence my idea to start this thread asking people how they promote cycling to their partners and bring them around to their way of thinking about cycling.

Yeah, I know you have a child, but a lot of others were chiming in who don't seem to

Well I was a bit of a Fred before I met my boyfriend, although I used a bike a lot. He started introducing me to watching races on tv. All the Tours, the early season classics, etc. And we went on holidays incorperating the Vuelta or Tour and met a few pros so all of these things got me more interested. I go to some of his races. And he recommended decent quality bikes for me to use instead of the crappy mountain bike I had.

I was always into sport too though, so weekend mornings have always been training time for me so that's not unusual.