Feedback Please!!!

Bummppd

Hi all, Been writing poems for a while now but never shared them with anyone, Decided no time like the present. Please be honest!

Forgive me Father for I have sinned,
Forgive me for this life I live,
Forgive my actions, Forgive my thoughts,
Forgive me for all I've lost.

Forgive me Father for I have strayed,
Forgive me for this life I waste,
Forgive my soul, Forgive my heart,
Forgive my each and every part.

Forgive me Father for I have cried,
Forgive me Father for my own demise,
Forgive my cruelty, Forgive my disgrace,
Forgive me for my mental state.

Forgive me Father for I am cursed,
Forgive me for my little worth,
Forgive my sadness, Forgive my tears,
Forgive me for my wasted years.

Forgive me Father for I have turned,
Forgive me for all I've burned,
Forgive my weakness, My unlimited crimes,
Forgive me Father for I won't survive.

Forgive me Father for alone I stand,
Forgive me Father my troublesome land,
Forgive my insanity, Forgive my intentions,
Forgive me Father, Please grant me redemption.

jonbravo

Its more like a prayer of some kind just in case you meet the devil instead of god...if you get me!? I understand the need to be forgiven..but to whom and why is this important!?

Antilles

I don't get it.

Who is talking? Who are they talking to? Why are they asking for forgiveness? Is there a point to the poem at all?

Bummppd

jonbravo wrote: »

Its more like a prayer of some kind just in case you meet the devil instead of god...if you get me!? I understand the need to be forgiven..but to whom and why is this important!?

I wrote this after my Mother passed away, and was kind of in a place where I had to believe in God and Heaven and all that just for my own sanity ya know!? I totally see what you mean though, But I meant it mostly for forgiving myself as opposed to Gods Forgiveness.

jonbravo

Bummppd wrote: »

I wrote this after my Mother passed away, and was kind of in a place where I had to believe in God and Heaven and all that just for my own sanity ya know!? I totally see what you mean though, But I meant it mostly for forgiving myself as opposed to Gods Forgiveness.

Everyone understands believe me... poems are about expressions of self in a given moment.
But be careful of opinion from the likes of me

Bites..ahhh.

Bummppd

jonbravo wrote: »

Everyone understands believe me... poems are about expressions of self in a given moment.
But be careful of opinion from the likes of me

Bites..ahhh.

Haha.. No worries, I can take it!!

jonbravo

Bummppd wrote: »

Haha.. No worries, I can take it!!

Grand!

Marzipan85

Bummppd wrote: »

Forgive my sadness, Forgive my tears,
Forgive me for my wasted years.

Like these lines. I suppose, like a song, it needs variation? Like you could have the 'forgive me' bits as a chorus, but you need something to give a bit of variety to the poem to make it more engaging.