Did you compose any cringeworthy poems/songs/stories in your youth?

some random drunk

Did you ever write anything (like a story,song, poem etc) when you were a teenager and now look back on it and cringe?

Because I certainly did

So I was going through a box of my old school copybooks in the attic, and I found one which was almost entirely blank, except for one story. It detailed an erotic encounter between Mel B from the Spice Girls and my 14 year old self. It was full of the most god-awful, cringeworthy Mills & Boone-esque tripe.

Here's a sample line : "The moonlight shone through the open window, gently caressing Mel's glistening naked buttocks, as she whispered to me "I wanna be your lover".

So that's my embarrassing teenage writing. My older brother used to write really soppy poems, which he later denied even though it was clearly his writing.

Anybody out there got any samples of their work they'd care to share with AH?

Definitely. I used to write a lot of scripts and the odd poem as a child. I don't know if I could bear the thought of ever uncovering them again.

SV

I won't share them but I did write a silly amount of poems in my youth, all about this one girl. Pretty sure I thought I was a creative genius and everyone needed to read my work, yeah, I was a hipster at the age of 14.


I'm pretty sure they're all in the Creative Writing forum on here actually under a previous username

Ed Winchester

I wrote millions of songs when I was a teenager. The most unbelievable tripe. I thought at the time I was the new John Lennon.

I was listening to a lot of Radiohead at the time. Some really really dreary songs!

brummytom

Yeah, a few. I found one the other day I'd written when I was about 13/14 that I'd forgotten about. It has the lines 'I just want some acknowledgement, posthumously given, that I gave my life for this United Kingdom'. (edit: I'd posted it on boards before...)

I was a precocious little prick.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Nope, I've always been pretty manly.. The strong silent type.. Too thick to write poetry tbh, although I'd love to have the ability.

ITS_A_BADGER

some random drunk wrote: »

she whispered to me "I wanna be your lover".

Did she follow that with "ya gotta get with my friends, Make it last forever, friendship never ends"' ?

leggo

I wrote some poetry alright. But it was all fantastic (and deep. And also mysterious). So sorry, I can't help you OP.

Tonyandthewhale

I don't want to talk about it. It was a dark time.

GalwayGuy2

Nope, I've always been pretty manly.. The strong silent type.. Too thick to write poetry tbh, although I'd love to have the ability.

I thought I was manly...:(

Czarcasm

I started off writing stories in fifth class, I'd fill a whole forty page copy in one night, then the copy would get passed around in school, and the guys in my class wanted more and more stories, and the girls wanted stories too, I had to keep buying copies so I started selling my stories for 50p a copy- made a fortune at it too, then when I left primary school and went into first year, between the market drying up and having to concentrate on my studies, I had to give up writing.


I can't remember exact passages or anything because I was writing like ten copies a week, about spies and world war 2 stories and then fairytale stories for the girls, bit mad now I think of it really, I'd long forgotten about that!

zenno

I'm as manly as you can get for a man i can do taekwondo upside down no problem and can break a 1 foot slab just by looking at it but i made a few cringers of a poem in my taekwondo days...

Cringe part 1

Now you'll see the midnight sun for all your days from hell they'll come,
tearing back from all dead spaces only left for other places,
you can sight the change of face just fixed inside an open space,
one ole kneedle same ole story left for dead in all hells glory.

Cringe part 2

Bullets come from all damn angles, must be from the west she argues,
strikes her in the leg one bullet another one straight for the gullet,
i've been shot before she says, now i'm on my knees in dread.

Can't remember cringe part 3, maybe thats a good job because it was not good at all.

There ye go, my waffle cringe poems of the day. I hope you didn't cringe into a crinkle crisp reading it. If i can remember the other few cringy ones i'll forward them here in bold so you can all cringe as one.

Got quite bored working in a supermarket one Christmas in my late teens and came up with this little diddy:

"Making a list, looking about,
trying to see what minerals seem to be out,
I am going to the bottom stockroom.
I know where they are kept, so if there's any left
I'll put them on my trolley and wheel it like a wally.."

and so on.

castletownman

I loved creative writing in school, and still write poetry whenever my mind isn't over-worked with work and other trivial things. Wrote a poem and turned into a song for my girlfriend at the time. When she dumped me I wrote a poem/song with a line I'm actually quite happy with:

I'll admit that I feel like sh*t when your f*cking with my head
I wouldn't mind but when you say "it's fine" it means it's something that I said.

PizzamanIRL

I wrote a rap about basketball to the flow of Jump Around - House of Pain when I was 12 or 13

1ZRed

I was never one to write poems or anything, drawing was my thing. It was only in second year for English that we had to write one for class. I did and one of the english teachers for the LC was looking at it and thought it should've belonged to them.

I won the Connaught competition for it and a €20 voucher too.

I'm actually kinda proud of that!

The Scientician

In my youth? sure I'm still at it.

zenno

I had what some people might call a very Euphoric day and wrote it down as i was driving back home from playing with strange plants..

took a drive down to the country last week and while driving in the deep country i came across a very narrow bend in the road and slowed down to almost a standstill, but as i turned left at this bend i looked out my right side window while driving on and seen a mist but in this mist i could see something that resembled a city from a distance and lights in the sky.

I stopped the car and got out and walked up a small hillside for a better vantage point and at this stage the mist was dissapating and i could clearly see a city in the distance which looked approximately 2 miles distant and i could still see lights in the sky so i walked a mile and got closer and could see that this was not a city that i would be accustomed to, it was actually floating above the ground and the lights in the sky were flying machines that made no noise, come to think of it i heard no noise at all from what i saw and continued on.

when i got close to this city structure i could clearly see that it was more advanced than any city i have seen and the lights in the sky were some sort of craft that were sort of plazma based and some were landing and taking off from this magnificent city hovering above the ground and i could see people/humans like me entering these craft. it was a very mild night and the closer i got to this spectacular view a mist formed again and everything shimered and then the night was in complete darkness and my visual experience just vanished in the mist.

when the mist cleared shortly after there was no city nor was there any lights, it seemed that everything i had seen in crystal clarity just vanished. i will never forget that experience i encountered on that warm night in the deep countryside. i'm left now with too many questions and will probably never know what it was i had seen. the only thing i can think of is that i seen something from the future or a city in the future for one short moment as if it was a vision from the future.

languagenerd

Nothing as bad as your Spice Girls fanfic, OP, but I wrote some pretty hideous poetry from when I was a child right up to mid-teens. When I was about 9, I wrote a poem about my uncle who was getting married - which I ended up having to read out at the wedding - and then I had to write one for everyone who got married after that >.< Thankfully there were a few years with no weddings during my teens, so I didn't have to do it anymore - found em all a while back, and my God they are awful :P

stop animal cruelty

l remember l was about 9 or 10 when l wrote this poem:

The World

The world is round and always should be, lts good to have friends like you and me.
Animals are free, and should always be.
War is not right, so we should not fight.

The world is round and always should be, lts good to have friends like you and me.



wtf was l thinking :L :L

boomshakalaka

Oh god, don't make me pop the lid on that tin of worms ... Even thinking about the stuff I wrote makes my skin crawl

PhlegmyMoses

zenno wrote: »

the only thing i can think of is that i seen something from the future or a city in the future for one short moment as if it was a vision from the future.

Or you were high. I'm gonna go with; you were high.

DarkJager

Yup I wrote a few short stories in my youth all revolving around a generic badass character who went around shooting bad guys and blowing **** up. Probably influenced by one too many Steven Seagal movies as a child. Anyway, McDonalds once ran a young writers short story competition and I thought it would be a great idea to send one of my stories to them. About 2 weeks later I got a letter thanking me for the entry but informing me that it couldn't be accepted because it was "too violent". It should be mentioned I was about 10 years old at the time

kowloon

Spare a thought for the young today who put their stuff up online where it is invulnerable to cleansing fire.

9959

DarkJager wrote: »

Yup I wrote a few short stories in my youth all revolving around a generic badass character who went around shooting bad guys and blowing **** up. Probably influenced by one too many Steven Seagal movies as a child. Anyway, McDonalds once ran a young writers short story competition and I thought it would be a great idea to send one of my stories to them. About 2 weeks later I got a letter thanking me for the entry but informing me that it couldn't be accepted because it was "too violent". It should be mentioned I was about 10 years old at the time

Hi Quentin.

TwoShedsJackson

To paraphrase Ben Elton, I gave up all that sort of lark once I discovered the joys of ****, and have never had any reason to regret my decision since.

Martyn1989

Oh god yes, even got to sing one with my metal band at the age of 13, I think the most quote worthy line is

'Don't try save the little you gave,
spit in my mouth and **** on my grave'

I wish I knew what I was singing about or what I even meant but seemingly I managed to write a Metallica lyric.

StormWarrior

My friend, when she was 14, insisted that me and her should start a metal band. Neither of us had any musical talent, so I said no, but she went ahead and wrote a song anyway. The song was about her fears. Her two main fears were clowns, and the ghost of a fish that she believed was haunting her bedroom. I can't remember the whole song, but she called it "God save the fish," and the first verse started off:

One day as I was going down
Into town
I saw a clown
His frown
Scared me and I fell down

Then there was some more and it ended:

Go and catch a fish fish fish fish fish
Catch a fish
God save the fish.

AnonoBoy

I wrote some awful fan fiction about vampires and whatnot. Sold it for a few quid to a publisher who changed the names and published it. Can't remember the title, Loads of Different Colours or Different Types of Shades or something along those lines.

Doubt they made any cash off it in the end and thankfully I didn't use my real name.

kfallon

I was seeing a girl from Kinsale,
Oh how I wanted to bang that female,
I once went round her gaff,
With the intention to spaff,
But she was on the blob, epic fail!

kfallon aged 13 and a half! There's been a few other efforts since, mostly along the same 'themes' :pac:

ibarelycare

I wrote my mam a poem for her 50th and I read it out at her surprise birthday party. I was pretty pissed though and got a bit emotional. I cringe when I think about it now, I was about 17. My mam got the poem typed up nicely and has it framed in our hall :o

I can't remember it all but the first verse was:

"50 years you have been around
But we've only known you a few seasons
Our love for you will never die
A love that holds many reasons"



OH GODDDDDDDDDD! I'm cringing so hard I nearly pooped myself

Real Life

I used to write a lot of poems when i was younger. i used to write them for this girl i liked. i recently found a copy book of some of the things i wrote, including songs. i burnt them all.
The thing that worries me is some of the poems and letters i wrote the girl are in her possession still as far as i know. I really hope she burnt them too though.

kfallon

ibarelycare wrote: »

I wrote my mam a poem for her 50th and I read it out at her surprise birthday party. I was pretty pissed though and got a bit emotional. I cringe when I think about it now, I was about 17. My mam got the poem typed up nicely and has it framed in our hall :o

I can't remember it all but the first verse was:

"50 years you have been around
But we've only known you a few seasons
Our love for you will never die
A love that holds many reasons"



OH GODDDDDDDDDD! I'm cringing so hard I nearly pooped myself

Jaysus even I read that thru my finger covered face!!!
Still your Ma liked it so every cloud.....

karl_m

I was known around my Primary and Secondary school for my poems and stories.
The first I remember writing was in 5th class, all the pupils thought it was amazing and I look back now thinking, seriously special school I was in.

Anyways here it is.

Funkey Monkey
There was once a funkey monkey
from a jungle so far,
who ordered a banana smoothie
from the coconut bar.

In the middle of summer
he shaved completely bare,
untill it came to winter
where he snuggled up to hair....

Can you see my love, continuous, for monkeys?

DonkeyStyle \o/

There was one crazy poem I wrote in school, that went on and on (like 2 or 3 pages), really dark/weird that the class got a good laugh out of. One of those rare times where for a few minutes you're a legend. I'd love to read it again, but it was never returned to me.

Bad Santa

Ashton Squeaking Sagittarius wrote: »

Nope..

But yet then:

I've always been pretty manly,
The strong silent type,
Too thick to write poetry tbh,
Although I'd love to have the ability.

I reckon a username change is in order, to: Thinly Veiled Poet.

bigbudda

Star Wars poem in 5th class when I had nothing for show and tell...

Obi-Wan Kenobi
Qui-Gon Jinn
Darth Vader
And Anakin

Luke Skywalker
Darth Vader
Han Solo
And a lightsaber

Queen Amidala
Is queen of Naboo
Jar Jar Binx
R2D2

Battle Droids
C3PO
Death Star
And here we go....

WindSock

I wrote a rap when I was 8 or 9, it filled a few pages of my copy.
My Dad had a visitor over one evening and made me read it out to them. I did so, unceremoniuosly in a horizontal position on the couch. They weren't counting on it being so long, and peppered with swear words, as little did they know, I had been introduced to NWA in the weeks before.

I was never asked to perform my art to visitors again.

TheDoc

At 14 I wrote a short story for our honours English class. I did one based on a solider preparing in a trench during world war 1, the night before the mornings advance.

The English teacher past it to the school who got it published as part of a collection of short stories, its framed in the school, was in the papers, read on the radio and commented on by a few irish authors.

All my classmates called me a gaybo and anytime I had to read it in front of the school I cringed to death.....

kfallon

TheDoc wrote: »

At 14 I wrote a short story for our honours English class. I did one based on a solider preparing in a trench during world war 1, the night before the mornings advance.

The English teacher past it to the school who got it published as part of a collection of short stories, its framed in the school, was in the papers, read on the radio and commented on by a few irish authors.

All my classmates called me a gaybo and anytime I had to read it in front of the school I cringed to death.....

Thanks for making me laugh tho

Czarcasm

bigbudda wrote: »

Star Wars poem in 5th class when I had nothing for show and tell...

Obi-Wan Kenobi
Qui-Gon Jinn
Darth Vader
And Anakin

Luke Skywalker
Darth Vader
Han Solo
And a lightsaber

Queen Amidala
Is queen of Naboo
Jar Jar Binx
R2D2

Battle Droids
C3PO
Death Star
And here we go....

I was expecting a launch into a big story, but it all went a bit Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, in the bed with nothing on...

Abi

TheDoc wrote: »

At 14 I wrote a short story for our honours English class. I did one based on a solider preparing in a trench during world war 1, the night before the mornings advance.

The English teacher past it to the school who got it published as part of a collection of short stories, its framed in the school, was in the papers, read on the radio and commented on by a few irish authors.

All my classmates called me a gaybo and anytime I had to read it in front of the school I cringed to death.....

Omg I know you!

Czarcasm

Abi wrote: »

Omg I know you!

danslevent

All I can remember are two lines from my epic poem, I was about eight or so! I even drew a little picture with it and hung it on the fridge...Lord..

"The moon is big,
The stars are small,
But I am bigger than them all"

I remember some stuff about shooting stars...sunsets...

Potential-Monke

Wrote a song in 3rd year in Secondary School. Was a song writing class, part of our Music class. The challenge was to write a full song and compose the music to it. So i did. It was called "Deep Within My Heart", and here's all i can remember from it:

[Verse]
What is happening, deep within my heart
I can't take it, when we are apart
I have tried, from the very start
But it doesn't matter now that we're apart

[Chorus]
Why? Why did you say no?
I only wanted us to be happy...

There was 2 more lines to the chorus, but i can't remember them, and i have 4 other verses, and it stuck strictly to the A-A-B-A-B-A-B-B scheme (i think).

Was also twisted one night last year, and wrote a very inappropriate (albeit with the intention of funny, which was the way it was taken thank God) comment one a female colleagues Facebook about the rain hopping off the window, in which i referred to the rain as me slapping my cock off the window. It was called poetic by someone, so i said i would write a sonnet. And i did, the following night while very hungover:

Last night as i was drinking,
I promised to write a poem.
Today that got me thinking,
I shouldn't drink at home.

So a sonnet i'm now writing,
In a sober state.
Eyes burning from the lighting,
And it's really, really late.

So it's off to bed i'm going,
And there is no rain tonight.
You can sleep soundly knowing
My cock won't give you a fright.

This is the end of the sonnet,
My bed is calling, i'm on it!

GalwayGuy2

Was also twisted one night last year, and wrote a very inappropriate (albeit with the intention of funny, which was the way it was taken thank God

That could have ended so incredibly badly for you:P

some random drunk

ITS_A_BADGER wrote: »

Did she follow that with "ya gotta get with my friends, Make it last forever, friendship never ends"' ?

Yup, pretty much. I used a few of their lyrics as dialogue in my story, twisted to sound extra pervy "I'm gonna give YOU everything, all that joy can bring, Yes I swear!" etc