Would you move abroad for a woman you loved??

punchdrunk

Just wondering what is the general opinion of the lads here?

My question is Would you consider moving to a foreign country if you felt you had met someone you truly loved?

Anyone ever done it? Any pitfalls or was it all plain sailing??
How far away did you move?
Do ye miss the Irish Mammy?


Just trying to figure out a little strategy of my own, am wondering if I need my head tested even thinking about it :pac:
Any advice welcome!

MPB

Didnt move country but did move county. Quit job, had to find new place etc and at the start it was fine but then it went tits up and I realised my **** up. I put everything into it and made all the sacrafices and at the end of it all I was stung so no wouldnt advise it. Ecomomy being as it is jobs aint as easy come across nowadays. I know I left a good job and took one that wasnt as good. When things went pear shaped I quit and moved again but that was before the country went tits up too.

Put a hell of a lot of thought into it as its not a decision to be taken lightly and there are costs associated with it so rememeber that. If it goes tits up how are you fixed then?

Personally I'll never do it again

Panthro

OP are is this a general topic question or a personal dilemma?

punchdrunk

MPB wrote: »

Didnt move country but did move county. Quit job, had to find new place etc and at the start it was fine but then it went tits up and I realised my **** up. I put everything into it and made all the sacrafices and at the end of it all I was stung so no wouldnt advise it. Ecomomy being as it is jobs aint as easy come across nowadays. I know I left a good job and took one that wasnt as good. When things went pear shaped I quit and moved again but that was before the country went tits up too.

Put a hell of a lot of thought into it as its not a decision to be taken lightly and there are costs associated with it so rememeber that. If it goes tits up how are you fixed then?

Personally I'll never do it again

Sorry to hear that, do you mind me asking had you been together long or was it a sudden "pack-up and go" decision? Did that have any influence do you think??

punchdrunk

Panthro wrote: »

OP are is this a general topic question or a personal dilemma?

At present it's not (don't worry I'm not going to turn the place into the PI forum)
A few months from now it possibly could be though so I'm just looking for insights from people who've done it before!

.red.

11 years ago the girl i was going out with wanted to go to oz backpacking for a year. I didnt have much interest but i got the feeling she would go anyway so i had a decision to make.
I decided to go and things were great. We're now married with 2 kids, a house, a dog and some gold fish lol.
The situation wss a little different to yours as it was only going to be for ayear, maybe 2 but i was happy with her and if she went without me i knew id be miserable and might have lost her.

The Corinthian

punchdrunk wrote: »

My question is Would you consider moving to a foreign country if you felt you had met someone you truly loved?

Sure, as long as she would be willing to do the same were the circumstances reversed.

If you're in a committed relationship, you're going to have compromise and sacrifice unless your aims, careers and opportunities are exactly aligned (i.e. never), so areas such as moving to another country, sacrificing your career for the other person's, and so on are going inevitably arise.

As long as she would do the same for you and you truly want to be with her, then it is a reasonable sacrifice to make.

crazyderk

My Wife moved from Canada to be with me several years ago, we now have an 8 month old and all is going well.

If its a new relationship and you don't have to decide for a few months then decide in a few months it could be over by then or it might be long enough that you are willing to take the gamble!

I've lived over in the states for a couple of summers when I was in college and it was the greatest experience of my life, I would definitely recommend living/working in another country at one point in your life.

I say go for it!

Sleepy

Depends on many factors:

1. Could I get better employment there than I have here?
2. If not, is she looking to move to this country for a major promotion etc. that would make up for any loss in earnings on my part.
3. Length of relationship, whilst it's very rom-com "romantic" to up sticks for someone you've just met, in reality, it's simply foolish unless you've next to no ties at home.
4. Where is she proposing to move to? Rural Australia, Bible Belt America or the Middle East would all be deal-breakers for me. Inversely, Urban Canada/Australia, certain parts of the UK or U.S., continental Europe could leave me excited about the prospect.

Patsy fyre

I'm in a similar position myself. Have an X girlfriend living in Europe who wants to get back together but wants me to move to where she is.
She was here for 5 years but couldn't get a job in her area and left. She is European.

Dilemmas...

SebBerkovich

My brother moved to Austria for a girl, they broke up after about 2 years, but he didn't come back home, he instead met a Spanish girl and promptly moved to Spain and he's there 3 years now...
It's not a traditional way to travel around Europe, it also seems to take a lot longer than to get from place to place.

The Corinthian

crazyderk wrote: »

I've lived over in the states for a couple of summers when I was in college and it was the greatest experience of my life, I would definitely recommend living/working in another country at one point in your life.

A good point. Sometimes moving to another country for someone is just the extra impetus that one needs to do something that will be good for them regardless of whether the relationship lasts or not.

28064212

Inevitably, there's no simple answer. It's impossible to say that "well if I love her at level 9 on the 1 to ten 'love scale', then I'd definitely move". It will be a function of hundreds of different factors. Job, family, friends, language, natural inclination to travel, comfort, hobbies will all affect the final decision. If I love her so much I can't live without her, the obstacles would have to be insurmountable. If I love her, but maybe don't see a future together, the obstacles have a much lower resistance level to meet. Every situation will be different and entirely dependent on the individual

Pawwed Rig

It seems to me that you would need to weigh up the reasons for the move. If the reason is that you have both decided to be together and the most practical way is for you to move there then go for it.
By the most practical way I am thinking that you have analysed who is more likely to get a job in the other's country and figured out the Financials of the whole thing. Also that both of you have considered a move to the others country and it is not just a one way decision.

On the other hand if the only way to continue the relationship is for you to move because she does not want to be apart from family/doesn't like Irish weather etc etc then you need to stop and think. As others have said, if she would be willing to make the move too then the relationship has a chance.

Re the Irish Mammy thing - Irish men are alot more independent than many would like to believe. We should stop under estimating the Irish male

SpiceWeasel

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

SpiceWeasel

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

iusedtoknow

I did it.

My wife is spanish, met her when she was on her erasmus in Ireland, she nearly thought about moving her credits etc to Ireland, but the long winter squashed that one. We went long distance for 2 years, I moved out to Barcelona in January 2007 and never looked back. Married 4 years now.

The long distance bit was hard, but moving out was great - i already had friends down there, her friends and family really welcomed me and I got into life pretty easily. It was only 2 hours flight (a flight that more like taking a bus the amount of times I had done it) to get back and see family, and easily done for a weekend (leave on Thursday, back in on Sunday).

The other upside was that I slipped into a life in Spain very easily in comparison to others. She organised an apartment for us etc before I had moved out, so was able to plonk my stuff down and feel at home straight away.

if it's for the right partner then it is definitely worth it. Just make sure you ask your mammy for recipes and know where you can get good tea. After that, all else follows

punchdrunk

Thanks for all the replies lads, definitely food for thought
I've a reasonably good job here, definitely relative to hers
anyway. I'm not sure what my employment chances would be there either (my job is fairly out of the ordinary) she's South African.
I think the killer for her here is the weather, even though she has family here
the way I see it there's no point in moving here and being miserable.
she's family in the US which could be a good neutral option I think if we could get in
I guess its possible I could talk her round to moving here as its probably the easiest option for visas and jobs, oh and I haven't just met her-I've known her about 4 years- but things progressed a bit recently.

Definitely somewhere like Spain could have been easier to trial run

Sleepy

South Africa may have the weather but it's also got the crime. Wouldn't want to live there myself. Especially if you'd be leaving a decent job and she doesn't have the capacity to support you both while you job-hunt out there.

To me, the careers aspect is the biggest one: move wherever the "main" career is: i.e. the one that can support you both and pay the mortgage.

MurdyWurdy

Sleepy wrote: »

South Africa may have the weather but it's also got the crime. Wouldn't want to live there myself. Especially if you'd be leaving a decent job and she doesn't have the capacity to support you both while you job-hunt out there.

To me, the careers aspect is the biggest one: move wherever the "main" career is: i.e. the one that can support you both and pay the mortgage.

My husband is South African and we go there to see his family often enough. I agree that the crime would put me off. His family came to visit us here and thought Dublin was the most amazing place, no bars on the windows and it was safe to walk around the streets and get public transport. OP - personally, I wouldn't live there so I think that's something to take into account. Quality of life is important, imo.

Also, depending on where in SA she is from the weather isn't great there in the winter either. My husband is from Joburg and the winters are dry and cold.

In saying that, we were living overseas and I wanted very badly to come home. He was happy enough to do that but it was to make me happy really. In my experience it is often easier for men to live away from home. Lots of women, especially when starting they're own family just need to be where they feel at home (with family and things). If your gf just won't be happy here then it's something that needs serious thought

Galwayguy35

Maybe 10 years ago I would have moved as I had no commitments but now with a mortgage, a reasonably secure job and with a recession happening in most countries I would have to say probably not.

I think even here in Ireland a long distance relationship can be difficult unless someone is prepared to move.

I was going out with someone from Dublin for over a year and as she didn't drive and was working up there it was up to me to do most of the commuting.

Obviously people make it work but personally I think it's to have a relationship with some who lives within a reasonable distance but who knows, I might meet someone and totally change my mind on this.

Itwasntme.

SebBerkovich wrote: »

My brother moved to Austria for a girl, they broke up after about 2 years, but he didn't come back home, he instead met a Spanish girl and promptly moved to Spain and he's there 3 years now...
It's not a traditional way to travel around Europe, it also seems to take a lot longer than to get from place to place.

Haha. I have an American friend who moved to one African country for his gf at the time. They broke about a year later. He met another American girl, she moved to another African country and he followed her. They broke up and he met an African girl from a neighbouring country and moved yet again. He's been in Africa 7 years now. When he first moved, it was supposed to be for a few months . He seems happy. I guess it's all about how adaptable you are. If you adapt easily then you'll be just fine.

Earthhorse

For the woman I loved, I reckon I'd do anything. Whilst it might be informative to hear other people's experiences no one can tell you in advance whether this will work out for you. If you think that's a fair chance it will then I'd go for it unless there's something equally compelling that you would be sacrificing by leaving here.

LegacyUser

I met an English girl while travelling in Australia in my early thirties. Spent two weeks with her in Oz and then moved to the UK where I moved in with her straight away.

Married 3 years now with a beautiful boy and another on the way.

When you meet someone perfect for you, there's no questions to be asked. I knew within a few days I wanted to be with her. It was like I had known her for years.

MPB

punchdrunk wrote: »

Sorry to hear that, do you mind me asking had you been together long or was it a sudden "pack-up and go" decision? Did that have any influence do you think??

Sorry delayed response. Was with her for 2 years. Distance was bugging me as we were at opposite ends of the country and I made the decision to move as I didnt see how I could keep her if I didnt. Had I not moved I'd have stayed doing the normal which was me going to her at weekends or vice versa but the move kinda showed me who I really had versus who I thought I had and even though it was the same person it was as if they were 2 different people. So part of my decision to move was the her and the other part of it was that I had a dips**t for a boss and I couldnt work with him anymore. So I called working there a day and moved to her neck of the woods. Took a job at a significantly less salary. Hindsights great and shows the rights and the wrongs. If only they could be seen beforehand life would be easy.

Snowie

Maybe if she was awesome and stuff, as long as it s warm i wouldn't mind to much... :pac:

con___manx1

if you have a good job here and your not sure you will be able to get another job in your field and then things don't go to plan with your gf it could be very risky. not everybody is cut out for moving abroad.It depends what kind of person you are.you wont be able to no until you move to that country to be honest. I have lived in Canada and Oz.some people just cant hack it being away from there friends and family and missing all the soccer matches : ).

My ex moved to oz with me as I was unable to find work here . she loved it but she was really a home bird at heart.after a couple of years she wanted to move home so I decided to come back with her.

if you love that girl you should take a chance on it.that would be my advice