Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Afraid of marriage/divorce - 21 y/o

Options
124»

Comments

  • Options
    #92
    captainpants23
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 53 ✭✭captainpants23


    listermint wrote: »

    How many are not loveless shells ? How many are happy and loving and very much family orientated fulfilled existences.

    Like you i dont have the stats to hand but wont make ridiculous assumptions all the same.

    No one knows the exact stats but it is safe to say that all marriages fall into 1of 3 broad categories.
    1) Those marriages where the couple remains in love with each other and maintain respect and affection for each other.
    2) Those which become loveless pitched battles of wills.
    3) Those which end in divorce, with a probable catastrophic impact on a mans material wealth.

    What no one is likely to convince me of is, why is it in my own best interests to play this particular game of Russian roulette?


  • Options
    #93
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    listermint wrote: »
    Like you i dont have the stats to hand but wont make ridiculous assumptions all the same.
    Both sides of this discussion have been making ridiculous assumptions, to be fair. Marriages where one or both spouses remain, even though they're miserable, do exist though and largely due to custody and divorce laws (not to mention that 70% of divorces are initiated by wives) I have a suspicion that a majority are men who are unhappy but stay. I certainly know one or two.

    Nonetheless, that does not overcome the fact that the majority of marriages are successful and/or happy.

    Perhaps, at this stage, it might be better to stop fighting over whether marriage, as an institution, is wonderful/doomed and accept the compromise position that there are serious issues with it, but it is worth saving - and discuss that instead.


  • Options
    #94
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    captainpants23 wrote: »
    What no one is likely to convince me of is, why is it in my own best interests to play this particular game of Russian roulette?

    Why should anyone convince you? If you don't want to get married, then don't


  • Options
    #95
    listermint
    Registered Users Posts: 33,780 ✭✭✭✭listermint


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Why should anyone convince you? If you don't want to get married, then don't

    This.


  • Options
    #96
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Why should anyone convince you? If you don't want to get married, then don't
    In fairness, the government wants to. They've said so on numerous occasions, citing marriage and the family as an ideal societal unit that should be encouraged. It's even in our constitution.

    And with the introduction of the cohabitation act's 'opt-out' clause, they've gone from convincing to coercion.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #97
    Dfmnoc
    Registered Users Posts: 183 ✭✭Dfmnoc


    gives you something to look forward to in life, look forward to marriage, then look forward to divorce, 2 occasions ull be sure to be happy


  • Options
    #98
    captainpants23
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 53 ✭✭captainpants23


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    In fairness, the government wants to. They've said so on numerous occasions, citing marriage and the family as an ideal societal unit that should be encouraged. It's even in our constitution.

    And with the introduction of the cohabitation act's 'opt-out' clause, they've gone from convincing to coercion.

    And that's not counting the avalanche of pro-family, pro-natalist propaganda that the media is saturated with.


  • Options
    #99
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,398 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    A lot ot it come down to having children if you want to keep all you money do not have children.

    I do thing its no harm if you are going to get married or have decided to cohabit for the rest of you life...to have a deep and agreed discussion about what way you want to live your lives together including if you are having children who is going to do the majority of the child care and how is it going to be paid for.


  • Options
    #100
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    mariaalice wrote: »
    A lot ot it come down to having children if you want to keep all you money do not have children.
    Actually, while having children may strongly affect spousal claims to assets and maintenance, it does not invalidate them.

    I found what Ricky Martin did, when he wanted children, interesting. Scary as it might seem, it's probably more cost efficient to have a child this way than through an unsuccessful marriage. Plus you actually get to keep your child.
    I do thing its no harm if you are going to get married or have decided to cohabit for the rest of you life...to have a deep and agreed discussion about what way you want to live your lives together including if you are having children who is going to do the majority of the child care and how is it going to be paid for.
    Until someone changes their mind and then statuary rights (which are not very male friendly) kick in.

    At the end of the day only the promise to support each other financially is enforced in divorce law. Any other promises made to each other, even if in writing, are just conversation.


  • Options
    #101
    Fukuyama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,023 ✭✭✭Fukuyama


    not to mention that 70% of divorces are initiated by wives) I have a suspicion that a majority are men who are unhappy but stay. I certainly know one or two.
    .

    I now have a sneaking suspicion as to why a woman may be more inclined to go down the path of divorce than a man.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #102
    stratowide
    Registered Users Posts: 565 ✭✭✭stratowide


    Please Kill Me wrote: »
    He shouldn't worry about it or let it determine the path of his life, but no harm having it in the back of your mind either. I'm 42 and did the whole judicial separation/divorce thing 7 years ago. The bitch got EVERYTHING! House worth €750,000 (at the time) a brand new car, both SSIA's, full custody of the kids....everything. There was a period I didn't see my kids at all because she's just so spiteful that way. I've been dragged in and out of courts over the years, it has affected other relationships I've had since then, I've been suicidal a number of times. So if I could turn back the clock to when I met her, I would change it and not have bothered asking her out in the first place. It's the biggest regret I have, next to having to leave the kids.

    So don't dismiss the possibility, but don't let it rule your life either.

    This is reality.

    I think people really need to go into a marriage with their eye's wide open.

    They need to look at the bigger picture,and ask themselves 'what if it doesn't work out...?'
    I can only speak for myself here when I say that the consequence's of it not working out can be disastrous,both emotionally and financially.
    Again I am looking at this from the man's side.

    When I say say disastrous here I am not exaggerating,I gave away my house,half my pension,maintenance every week,living with my kid's.
    Solicitor's and barrister's have cost between €6-7000 so FAR
    I am still not divorced yet,it's is quite difficult to get divorced from someone that doesn't want to get divorced from you..!

    But hey,I will have have my freedom pretty soon.

    My advice to anyone getting married is to think long and hard and ask themselve's 'what if...?'


Advertisement