How to punish fellow hostel dweller?

holystungun9

Right, I'm staying in a hostel in Barcelona and I'm not going to head out, just don't feel like it as I've had my few nights out this past week. 16 bed dorm, lights off, I'm doing Internet stuff (not erection based stuff), one other guy sleeping, grand. 10 min ago, what I can only guess is the smelliest man in the E.U. comes in and fumbles around and gets into his bed. In the five minutes I spend b1tching in my head about his stink, he has conked out, sleeping like a log, snoring away without a care in the world. This has further irritated me and something needs to be done.
AH, how do I make him pay for this crap? All options are on the table as I've noticed the fker doesn't even snore to a consistent rhythm that I could at least make up some raps or songs to, to pass the time until I can calm down enough to count sheep.

Help!

Dj Stiggie

Shit in his hand, then wake him up.

kfallon

*Immediately thinks of the bunk scene in Full Metal Jacket*

Ihatecuddles-old

Do what kfallon does and piss on his toothbrush

Praetorian Saighdiuir

**** on his lips

otwb

Find the smelliest smalls available and shove then into his open snoring mouth?

mark renton

Let the man sleep in peace ye hobo

Mint Sauce

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCNqKrX1sx8

This is obviously a joke OP.

kryogen

Blast him in the face with jizz

holystungun9

Stealth Recce wrote: »

**** on his lips

Now he's snoring via bubbles! Looks funny but hasn't worked.

kfallon

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Do what kfallon does and piss on his toothbrush

Shhhhhhh ffs

phasers

put his toothbrush in the toilet.
Put his hand in warm water.
**** in his suitcase.

Mint Sauce

kfallon wrote: »

*Immediately thinks of the bunk scene in Full Metal Jacket*

Beat me to it!!

:mad:

holystungun9

Dj Stiggie wrote: »

Shit in his hand, then wake him up.

Haven't been able to crap for two days. That paella isn't going to be pretty when it eventually comes out.

Mickey H

kfallon wrote: »

*Immediately thinks of the bunk scene in Full Metal Jacket*

This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one's mine.....

OP, you're in Spain. We're in Ireland. It's pissing rain here. You have it better already, with or without Sleeping Beauty.

If you're bored, try rolling up little bits of paper and chucking them at him. 10 points for every 1 that lands in his mouth.

Set yourself targets like 200 points in 10 minutes. It will be morning before you know it.

dickwod1

If you have good aim with a throw, get one of his shoes and belt it off him full force and pretend to be asleep when he jumps up

Gummy Panda

Burn the hostel down!

let the fire purge them all

kfallon

**** in his socks and shave off his eyebrows.

Then rob all his money and book into a hotel, make sure they have 'Tug TV' and then **** into your own socks :pac:

Doom

Eat him with flava beans and nice Chianti :pac:

holystungun9

otwb wrote: »

Find the smelliest smalls available and shove then into his open snoring mouth?

He's already wearing them and is probably immune to them. He must realise he smells like a crèche's wheelie bin.

Gummy Panda

kfallon wrote: »

**** in his socks and shave off his eyebrows.

Then rob all his money and book into a hotel, make sure they have 'Tug TV' and then **** into your own socks :pac:

You've got a **** fetish

holystungun9

kfallon wrote: »

**** in his socks and shave off his eyebrows.

Then rob all his money and book into a hotel, make sure they have 'Tug TV' and then **** into your own socks :pac:

As aroused as I am at the thought of spilling some of my love spawn into his novelty socks, I am a little paranoid that some one of the other 13 people may walk in on me mid stroke. But cheers though.

kfallon

Gummy Panda wrote: »

You've got a **** fetish

i think you'll find we all have......you've just been on Redtube for the past half an hour

Ihatecuddles-old

Gummy Panda wrote: »

You've got a **** fetish

If you saw his face you'd know why! Nobody else will touch it

kfallon

kfallon wrote: »

**** in his socks and shave off his eyebrows.

Then rob all his money and book into a hotel, make sure they have 'Tug TV' and then **** into your own socks :pac:

Too funny!!! Heineken up my nose from laughing!!

Gummy Panda

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

If you saw his face you'd know why! Nobody else will touch it

That's mean

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

count it as a life lesson and next time save up enough money for a hotel room

mackeire

Why dont you stick his tootbrush up your arse and take a few pictures of it. Then when you or him moves out of the hostel, text him the pictures!

Dynamo Roller1

Fart on his meringues

antodeco

Teabag him and take a photo. Get the photo developed. Put the photo somewhere random in his bag. Somewhere where he wont see it for a week or two.

Teyla Emmagan

holystungun9 wrote: »

He's already wearing them and is probably immune to them. He must realise he smells like a crèche's wheelie bin.

Is this some sort of homeless person's hostel OP?

DonkeyStyle \o/

Store it away in your mind as an example of how much people ruin everything.
If you'd had this information, you wouldn't have ended up in a 16 bed dorm.
I'd recommend going outside for some air, acknowledging that you're not going to do anything about it because it wouldn't be worth your while, and just try to think happy thoughts. You'll sleep through it when you get tired enough.

kfallon

holystungun9 wrote: »

As aroused as I am at the thought of spilling some of my love spawn into his novelty socks, I am a little paranoid that some one of the other 13 people may walk in on me mid stroke. But cheers though.

If you have a spare Richtea it could be the perfect opportunity for a quick game of soggy biscuit?

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

If you saw his face you'd know why! Nobody else will touch it

If anyone wants me I'll be **** crying in the corner

Daith

Why don't you put in your earplugs which you have because you knew you were staying in a hostel?

Ihatecuddles-old

antodeco wrote: »

Teabag him and take a photo. Get the photo delivered. Put the photo somewhere random in his bag. Somewhere where he wont see it for a week or two.

The shower would be a good place judging from the OP

TheBody

Why don't you get into bed with him and spoon him. Then rub his ear to see if he stops snoring. If that doesn't work.....cut him real quiet like!!

holystungun9

I'm liking the toothbrush up my arse idea. It may be a two birds with one stone move given my current constipation. On the other hand, I can't exactly go and turn the light on and go creeping around his stuff.
Will it work if I use my own toothbrush?

kfallon

holystungun9 wrote: »

I'm liking the toothbrush up my arse idea. It may be a two birds with one stone move given my current constipation. On the other hand, I can't exactly go and turn the light on and go creeping around his stuff.
Will it work if I use my own toothbrush?

No cos you'll brush your own teeth with your own toothbrush :rolleyes:

mackeire

holystungun9 wrote: »

I'm liking the toothbrush up my arse idea. It may be a two birds with one stone move given my current constipation. On the other hand, I can't exactly go and turn the light on and go creeping around his stuff.
Will it work if I use my own toothbrush?

Ye it will work with your own toothbrush

holystungun9

DonkeyStyle \o/ wrote: »

Store it away in your mind as an example of how much people ruin everything.
If you'd had this information, you wouldn't have ended up in a 16 bed dorm.
I'd recommend going outside for some air, acknowledging that you're not going to do anything about it because it wouldn't be worth your while, and just try to think happy thoughts. You'll sleep through it when you get tired enough.

I think I'm just going to rub one out tbh. It has never not fixed whatever is bothering me.

holystungun9

holystungun9 wrote: »

I'm liking the toothbrush up my arse idea. It may be a two birds with one stone move given my current constipation. On the other hand, I can't exactly go and turn the light on and go creeping around his stuff.
Will it work if I use my own toothbrush?

kfallon wrote: »

No cos you'll brush your own teeth with your own toothbrush :rolleyes:

I'm not stupid. I'm going to brush his teeth with my brush. WIN!

kfallon

holystungun9 wrote: »

I'm not stupid. I'm going to brush his teeth with my brush. WIN!

And what are you gonna do in the morning when you wake up?

Ihatecuddles-old

kfallon wrote: »

And what are you gonna do in the morning when you wake up?

Use the other guys toothbrush?

holystungun9

kfallon wrote: »

And what are you gonna do in the morning when you wake up?

I may have to tweak my plan a smidge.

zenno

Hide a gone-off turnup under his bed and leave it there and by jasus he will smell it after a while it would knock any man out, and if he complains about the smell just tell him that he needs to have a shower as the smell is from him.

Teyla Emmagan

holystungun9 wrote: »

He's already wearing them and is probably immune to them. He must realise he smells like a crèche's wheelie bin.

Is this some sort of homeless person's hostel OP?

holystungun9

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Is this some sort of homeless person's hostel OP?

No, just a backpackers place.

kfallon

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Use the other guys toothbrush?

Never use somebody else's toothbrush, you never know who might have pissed on it.......

holystungun9 wrote: »

I may have to tweak my plan a smidge.

Yeah, you were nearly there only for the skidmarks on your teeth or the manky morning breath

Absolutezero

You're in a hostel in Barca and you're on AH? Did you go looking for Supermacs and Barry's tea yet?

holystungun9

Absolutezero wrote: »

You're in a hostel in Barca and you're on AH? Did you go looking for Supermacs and Barry's tea yet?

Reception were not that helpful, gave me directions to the Apple Store and explained to put my own name and room number on any food or stuff that I leave in the communal kitchen.

iCosmopolis

Create an elaborate story involving passports and mobile phone pics to explain his disappearance + Blowtorch/eyeball? Drill? Chainsaw? Ensure open ended plot for sequel.