Breastfeeding for longer + cosleeping

lounakin

Hello all!
I'd love to hear opinions and experiences on the topics of breastfeeding past the 6 months mark and cosleeping for longer.
There was a time when specialist would say that it was bad, that the kids would become dependent and stay babies for longer.
But then some people dared do what they felt like and in the few documentaries I saw on extended breastfeeding showed that the kids were the opposite: very independent and confident.
What is your take on these practices?

Neyite

I'm continuing to breastfeed past 6 months. Mainly because I find it easy - both breastfeeding and the whole lack of equipment (bottles, formula, etc) and worrying if the milk is ok to drink, that its not been in the bag too long etc.

I think I will ease off when I return to work though - as much as I would love for him to keep drinking my milk, he will be nearly a year old and I know that I will find expressing stressful so for an easy life I'll probably stop then if I dont get pregnant again in the meantime. Having said that, he will be drinking water by then, and eating more meals, and there will be only a short gap until he can drink ordinary milk so I'm happy enough with that.

liliq

You know I'm very pro continuing breastfeeding and co sleeping lounakin!

Just over 14 months now and still going strong, I actually think he's even more of a booby monster now that he was 6 months ago!
Nursing is a cure-all... He fell and banged his head today when he lost his balance. He had a bruise within minutes (I feel awful), but he had forgotten about it within about two minutes because I was able to just pop him on the boob and he was instantly soothed.
I've flown a couple of times with him, and it was made so easy by being able to nurse him during take off and landing.
I inadvertently followed the La Leche League ethos of "Parenting through breastfeeding", and will keep doing that until it stops working!

The health risks associated with artificial milk are too many, so I was even more decided to continue with breastfeeding once I read more about them.

With the WHO and HSE recommending breastfeeding until at least 2 years old, that's my aim now.

With co- sleeping. that's a winner here for the moment too. I'm tired enough, I'd be even more tired if I was in and out to another room during the night. The co sleeper cot is great, even though the last while it's not used that much here, he's mostly in the bed the few months.
Again, the risks and damage associated with sleep training, controlled crying, crying it out, etc, are far too nasty for me to be willing to consider it.

While we were away we had a single bed pushed up against our double bed, and it was great to get him off to sleep in the single bed and scooch over to the double bed for a bit of space!! I think we might disassemble our cot and invest in a single bed to do the same at home.

Neyite, I went back to work part time when R was 6 months and pumped for about 4 months... Id up dumping so much of what I expressed it was heartbreaking. He just wouldn't drink anything from the bottle, and would only take maybe 2 oz from a cup, so I started storing what I pumped in 2oz lots and any leftovers I would use on his cereal.
At 12 months, he definitely won't have as much a need for breast milk while you're at work. I loved coming in after work and having an excuse to park my bum for half an hour while R had a massive feed. I can't remember if you mentioned before whether you co sleep or not, but if you do and you're happy to continue, he might switch to feeding a bit more at night to make up for missing the feeds while you're at work.

wmpdd3

Little man was about 6 months when I tried him on the cot and he loved it. He had only really woke at 7 am for a quick feed before going back to sleep so feeding during the night wasnt really an issue. He was getting really akward to sleep with, maybe if we had put a mattress on the floor, but as it was he was like a square peg.

I would have fed well past 1 year, but felt under pressure to introduce formula / water etc so I could go back to work. My shifts change weekly and I bearly have time to eat let alone pump.

pushkii

i really think that i would have given up on the bfeed if i didn't co-sleep. i was so worried that co sleeping would spoil my baby or that it was dangerous but she wouldn't settle in her basket from day one. Then i read the benefits of co-sleeping and it instantly put me at ease. i bought a bigger bed and haven't looked back since. she's 3 and a half mths now and i hope to continue the breastfeeding as long as we can. I do get people giving me their opinions on the co sleeping which is annoying but it what suits me the best. there's a website called attachment parenting it's a fantastic source for info on co sleeping

0ctober

Liliq 14 months is fantastic, you're my idol haha! :P my daughter is 15 weeks now and we're still going strong I really love how convenient the breastfeeding is, no hassle of bottles and sterilising etc. I haven't decided how long I'm going to keep up the feeding, definitely til 6 months anyway. I'm back to college then but hope to still feed her in the morning and evening, mostly for selfish reasons as I just love the bonding that breast feeding gives.
Even at 15 weeks I appear to be an exception compared to others I know, so its hard to get any advice or experience from others so I'd be interested to see some others peoples opinions

Also- looove the co sleeping! Saved my sanity in the early weeks

NextSteps

I breastfed for 18 months and co-slept for most of that time. It was lovely and I certainly don't regret it. I hope to do the same with the next child. My toddler seems (to me) extremely happy, healthy, independent and affectionate. I pretty much stopped pumping at 6 months, and if I was away from him for a while, we let him have formula, but I'd say he's had about 3 litres of it, ever. When I went back to work at 10 months, he had food and water when I wasn't there (and, later, cows' milk), then fed when we were together.

liliq

0ctober wrote: »

Liliq 14 months is fantastic, you're my idol haha! :P my daughter is 15 weeks now and we're still going strong

Awh thanks! Haha! Never planned on keeping going with Breastfeeding while I was pregnant or in the early days, it just kind if happens!
15 weeks- you're a long term breastfeeder by most Irish standards

liliq

0ctober wrote: »

Liliq 14 months is fantastic, you're my idol haha! :P my daughter is 15 weeks now and we're still going strong

Awh thanks! Haha! Never planned on keeping going with Breastfeeding while I was pregnant or in the early days, it just kind if happens!
15 weeks- you're a long term breastfeeder by most Irish standards

lounakin

Thanks for the responses! In my case, daughter is 6 months and we're still nursing while introducing food. She was obsessed with food from a very early age but in the last couple of weeks for some reason she never wants to eat food, just nurse.
We are not co-sleeping. She was by my bed in a basket until she was 2 months old, after that I flew to france for almost 3 months. All I had there was a cot, the beds are too awkward to sleep together in as there is a big huge dent in the middle and she'd always roll. The cot was near my bed for the first few days and then I moved to another bedroom that has a second little room and she slept in there on her own. It wasn't really my choice to have her away from me but rather the lack of room. When we came back to Ireland the cot didn't fit in our room at all so we had her sleep in her own room with a door and everything! She didn't mind at all and we never did controlled crying. We'd just rock her to the verge of sleep and put her down. It's been like that for 3 months without tears.
Liliq, there was a study done on controlled crying/crying it out technique recently. They took older children who had been left to cry and other who hadn't, turns out there was actually no difference between them, no issue with anxiety, self-esteem etc... I'm not saying let your kids cry, I'm really just curious about both sides.

pushkii

im bf 15 weeks too and i want to continue after the 6 mths if i can. I don't know why but i just hate the thought of my lo taking formula. the two times she took it i felt awful. I just love the bond we have . i just wish more people would be more encouraging bf for longer. A lot of people i know would think its weird bf after 6 mths

Squiggler

I've only been breastfeeding for 10 weeks, but I have a different background to most Irish people in that my mother breastfed and co-slept with all 4 of us. I was breastfed for the shortest period of time, because she fell pregnant with my brother when I was only 6 months and her milk dried up shortly after. But the others were spaced out 3 years apart and all bf until they were at least 2. The youngest slept in with my parents, until the next was born and my youngest brother moved out of my parents room at 4.

My sister has breastfed all three of her girls for 2 years plus, although co-sleeping didn't work out with all of them. The older two each slept with mum and dad until the next was due and then moved into their own room and bed. Her youngest was moved to her own room at 9 months because she was an extremely noisy sleeper and they couldn't sleep much with her in the room.

My sister-in-law also breastfed my nephew. He was born almost 3 months early and was fed only expressed breastmilk when he was in the hospital. Once he was home she switched and they co-slept, but maybe for too long as they were very protective of the little guy that they almost lost. They really struggled to get him out of their bed, but my brother and his wife only tried to move him to a room of his own when he was nearly 6.

For me the idea of messing around with bottles is alien. Breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping and baby-led weaning are the norm in my family. I'll be going back to work when L is just about a year old. I hope to breastfeed him as long as he wants it, just hope daytime feeds will be reduced by then.

lounakin

I really hope I can still breastfeed my daughter after I get back to work! I'm the same about formula, don't even want to give it to her! I'm not keen on cow's milk either, thinking of giving her goat's milk.

Blueskye

It's great to hear this from you all. I'm just pregnant with first baby and definitely hope to bf and very interested in co-sleeping (which is total alien in my family) but was concerned about when I go back to work and bfeeding. Finances will dictate whether it'll be when baby is 7 months or if we can push it a bit longer. I'd like to be at home as long as possible and breast feed as long as I can. Maybe I'll feel differently in the future but that's how I'm thinking about it at the moment.

Blueskye

lounakin wrote: »

I really hope I can still breastfeed my daughter after I get back to work! I'm the same about formula, don't even want to give it to her! I'm not keen on cow's milk either, thinking of giving her goat's milk.

I feel the same. I don't drink cow's milk and OH is lactose-intolerant so would like to avoid cow's milk totally if possible.

ceadaoin.

I'm not breastfeeding unfortunately but we do co-sleep for most of the night. My daughter goes to sleep in her cot and after a few wakings where she settles back to sleep easily, she wakes up and won't settle until I bring her in to bed with me. Just wondering if anyone has any experience of stopping co-sleeping? Will my daughter just stop waking up to come in when she is ready? I hope that's the case as I can't bear the thought of sleep training!

iguana

I thought it worth mentioning that mothers who are in fulltime employment are entitled to an hour a day of paid time off in order to pump breastmilk.

pushkii

that is good to know iguana thanks. i think not many people know the benefits of co-sleeping and just think of the negatives. but it is so natural . Only for co sleeping there's no way id have been able to continue breastfeeding.

pwurple

pushkii wrote: »

that is good to know iguana thanks. i think not many people know the benefits of co-sleeping and just think of the negatives. but it is so natural . Only for co sleeping there's no way id have been able to continue breastfeeding.

The negatives can be pretty severe is why pushkii. Plenty of natural things are dangerous. Nature is far from universally benign.

Understandably, some people don't wish to take any perceived risk of their childs death, however small that chance. We all chose our own risks every day. This one is acceptable for some parents, not for others.

Each to their own.

lounakin

Again, not everyone has a nice bed with a new mattress I was completely unable to let her sleep with me in the bed, I tried a few times, she was always trapped and would wake up because she liked to sleep on her stomach.
Anyway, just wanted to add that yes, bfing women are entitled to an hour to pump but only up to 6 months!

Squiggler

lounakin wrote: »

Anyway, just wanted to add that yes, bfing women are entitled to an hour to pump but only up to 6 months!

My understanding is that you have to have given birth within the previous 6 months, not that it is only up to 6 months. My current employers stated policy is that they will support bf by providing me with the extra hour up to 18 months after the baby's birth, but have indicated that they will facilitate me for as long as is necessary.

If employers don't have a written policy then it is important to discuss it with them (sooner rather than later) and get something in writing from them.

Oh, and co-sleeping doesn't automatically mean sleeping in the same bed. We've baby in a cot bed fastened to our bed with one side off which acts as an extension of our bed, some people use special co-sleepers. But having L right beside me, so that I can immediately notice any change in his breathing, or indications that he's awake and looking for attention, has been great.

You get used, very quickly, to normal breathing and movement and it's amazing how quickly I can be wide awake if he coughs, spits up or just grunts because he has his arm stuck in his blankets - stuff that a baby monitor might not let you pick up until it was dangerous or baby was crying in frustration. I can check on him and solve things without disturbing him or getting out of bed and we can both quickly get back to sleep.

It means that I'm not waking to a crying baby who will take longer to soothe back to sleep. Night feeds now can take as little as 5-10 minutes with him sleeping soundly at the end of that.

I wouldn't like to be relying on a baby monitor.

lounakin

I'd love to have the baby still in my room, but said room is so tiny all we could fit was the basket! I had to put her in her own room and I hated the idea at first but then it just worked out fine. I did miss her for ages though...
It works out the same as when she was in the bedroom. She doesn't cry, just starts moving, that still wakes me up: then I get her, feed her for 5 min and she falls asleep, I take her back, no need to soothe back to sleep at all at night. It also just takes 5 minutes, the only difference is I have to get on my feet.

As for work, I read that too and couldn't really understand the implications. I have extended my maternity leave with work beyond the 6 months mark, that means when I go back to work I won't have had given birth within the last 6 months, does that mean I can't pump at work? That seems arbitrary...

LegacyUser

pwurple wrote: »

The negatives can be pretty severe is why pushkii. Plenty of natural things are dangerous. Nature is far from universally benign.

Understandably, some people don't wish to take any perceived risk of their childs death, however small that chance. We all chose our own risks every day. This one is acceptable for some parents, not for others.

Each to their own.

I would love to see the statistics of baby fatalities while in a BED compared to those babies who die alone in a cot.

Most co-sleeping deaths are babies asleep on a sofa or being suffocated by someone drunk.

It is the most natural way to sleep for many reasons. It is extremely unnatural for a young baby to sleep alone in their own room and is usually done for the parents benefit, not the baby's.

If they had a choice, a baby would obviously choose to sleep with their Mother.

pushkii

I was just wondering what the HSE's stance was on co-sleeping. When I was in the maternity with my lo one of the midwives came in during and put all the crying babies in beside their mothers in their bed and pulled up the cotside . I heard from someone that this is not allowed anymore?

Neyite

pushkii wrote: »

I was just wondering what the HSE's stance was on co-sleeping. When I was in the maternity with my lo one of the midwives came in during and put all the crying babies in beside their mothers in their bed and pulled up the cotside . I heard from someone that this is not allowed anymore?

They did it with me in May after my section. I think that was why we were so successful with breastfeeding, from the afternoon until late at night they positioned baby at the breast for me and only took him to change him or move him to the other breast.

Once I was up and about I was left to my own devices though.

lounakin

pushkii wrote: »

I was just wondering what the HSE's stance was on co-sleeping. When I was in the maternity with my lo one of the midwives came in during and put all the crying babies in beside their mothers in their bed and pulled up the cotside . I heard from someone that this is not allowed anymore?

In the rotunda they kept saying under no circumstance should we have the baby in the bed, that was their position. When my baby was born I kept taking her into the bed with me at hospital (only stayed one night) and the nurses relentlessly kept taking the baby back.

January

Same when I was in the Rotunda in 2008 and 2001. No babies allowed in beds and if you dozed off they'd wake you and make you put baby in cot.

The Coombe were a lot more relaxed in 2010, if you were dozing they'd keep an eye on you and leave baby be.

Hannibal Smith

Holles street were telling us as far back as the ante natal classes that we weren't to co sleep...that was 2009...but one night I couldn't sleep because he kept shaking...the night midwife came in...swaddled him (which we were also told to do) and put him in beside me lol....she was a right rebel rule breaker

We never let him sleep with us because my sister in law told me a friend's baby had died because one of the parents rolled onto her and smothered it was a while after I asked who exactly died...it turned out it was her friends uncle's brother"s sister's cousin...if you get me . but ours was a summer baby so it was no effort to go in and stick the soother back in.

So now if the youngest cries and he's not settling its far too cold to be getting out of bed so now we bring him in. to be honest...half the time we poke him to get a bit of chat out of him ....we're flying in the face of all the rules on this one...I can only imagine what you guys do when you get to child number 3 and 4

Squiggler

I had L in the Coombe in September, he was in the crib thing they provided for about 30 minutes in total in the 15 or so hours he spent in the hospital. After the birth he was given to me straight away. I carried him to the room.

When I did put him in the crib so we could get some sleep (I was nervous of the narrow bed) he threw up and got really upset. I took him into the bed with me and put his face level with mine, he calmed down straight away and then reached up both hands to my face. We fell asleep like that.

After that I just kept him with me and nobody said anything.

pushkii

i think the same neyite that only for that midwife doing that that night i would have found it very difficult to get through the night. the following night i had baby next to me they took the baby out of the bed said i should get some sleep and offered to take baby and give a top up. i just didn't feel this was right so a few mins later i asked for the baby to be brought back. haven't looked back since. I was very confused about the idea of co sleeping though

How Strange

We were told in the Coombe by the day midwives not to have the babies in bed with us under any circumstances. One midwife told me they had a path beaten to Crumlin with babies that had fallen out of the beds because the mums were so tired. On my 1st night my son woke up at 9pm (after sleeping all day!) and howled the place down. One African midwife that I'll be eternally grateful to came down to me and told me to take my baby into bed and breastfeed him all night. I did and I honestly think that's what started me off positively on breastfeeding. She used to come down to me every do often and tell me I was doing a fantastic job.

When we got home our son, the divil!, would only sleep on me. Not in a cot or a Moses basket or beside me but on me. We spent the first two weeks like that. I was driven demented listening to the making a rod for your back comments. In the end I decided to make the rod and in he came into our bed. Our phn was 100% pro breastfeeding so while hse guidelines say its not recommended she just said we've all got to do what works for us.

We lasted until 6 months at which point we realized that he didn't like sleeping in our room. Honestly! As soon as we moved him next door he started sleeping better. I was partly relieved because my back was in bits but I missed our snuggles. The only time he will sleep in our bed now is when he's sick.

Hannibal Smith

Squiggler wrote: »

I had L in the Coombe in September, he was in the crib thing they provided for about 30 minutes in total in the 15 or so hours he spent in the hospital. After the birth he was given to me straight away. I carried him to the room.

When I did put him in the crib so we could get some sleep (I was nervous of the narrow bed) he threw up and got really upset. I took him into the bed with me and put his face level with mine, he calmed down straight away and then reached up both hands to my face. We fell asleep like that.

After that I just kept him with me and nobody said anything.

Awww I so miss the early days for that...when they're so tiny and working on just instinct and seeing you and smelling you soothes them. nothing compares to it. I love those little moments.

Quality

Breast fed all 3,
not too long on the first a couple of weeks, cant remember much of this, but remember she like to stretch out after being fed.

the second was 8-9 months when weaned, he settled in his cot no problem after feeds.

The final baby was 11 months when weaned, he co slept from day one, he was a sickly baby, special care the first night, problems with the feeding at the start and he would not settle in his basket. at all..

i mean he knew when I wasnt close, he could smell me,

He slept in with us more or less the whole time I fed him, He is always very reliant with us.

He would snuggle in under my boob,


Very affectionate child.

Do whatever feels right.

Just dont have a smoker or drinker in the bed with you.. or if you have sleep problems and dont do drugs, sleeping tablets etc.. I know its only obvious stuff and you wouldnt be doing it any while breastfeeding.. but just common sense to take into consideration.

0ctober

Yeah a midwife in the Coombe put H in the bed with me when she wouldn't settle on our second night. She rolled up a blanket and popped it behind H and then told me to try get some sleep and that she would keep an eye on us. I find that when I have her in the bed I don't move at all in my sleep, literally wake up in the same position I fell asleep in. It's like mammy's instinct

lounakin

January wrote: »

Same when I was in the Rotunda in 2008 and 2001. No babies allowed in beds and if you dozed off they'd wake you and make you put baby in cot.

The Coombe were a lot more relaxed in 2010, if you were dozing they'd keep an eye on you and leave baby be.

I remember telling the nurses I didn't want to sleep, I'd just be in bed with my baby and look at her but they didn't even allow me to do that! It was one of the worst experience of my life and I couldn't wait to get out of there. They tried their best to get me to stay in, telling me I was putting my baby in danger!

MrTsSnickers

Tip EX wrote: »

I would love to see the statistics of baby fatalities while in a BED compared to those babies who die alone in a cot.

Most co-sleeping deaths are babies asleep on a sofa or being suffocated by someone drunk.

Source?

It is the most natural way to sleep for many reasons. It is extremely unnatural for a young baby to sleep alone in their own room and is usually done for the parents benefit, not the baby's.

Is it? Source?

If they had a choice, a baby would obviously choose to sleep with their Mother.

Would they now? Developmental Psychology expert are we? Source?

lounakin

MrTsSnickers wrote: »

Would they now? Developmental Psychology expert are we? Source?

I don't think it really takes an expert to imagine that a baby would rather sleep with their mother... it's all around us in nature, including mammals. Chimps and gorillas not only sleep and carry their young for years but also nurse them for very long.
I really think it should be up to the mother's judgement to chose what they feel is right. Most of us have the right instinct and for those who have no clue and who would leave a baby on a sofa, there are guidelines and let's hope they follow them. Unfortunately children are vulnerable and there's nothing we can do to prevent every death.

NextSteps

In Holles Street they put baby in the bed with me to show me how to breastfeed lying down, but not at night, I don't think.

MrTsSnickers

lounakin wrote: »

I don't think it really takes an expert to imagine that a baby would rather sleep with their mother... it's all around us in nature, including mammals. Chimps and gorillas not only sleep and carry their young for years but also nurse them for very long.
I really think it should be up to the mother's judgement to chose what they feel is right. Most of us have the right instinct and for those who have no clue and who would leave a baby on a sofa, there are guidelines and let's hope they follow them. Unfortunately children are vulnerable and there's nothing we can do to prevent every death.

I agree, but it should not be purported as fact, some children [and parents] prefer to sleep apart. A parent doesn't fail at parenting because they don't sleep with the baby. Also, aren't chimps/apes etc under threat from the leaders of the shrewdness/troop? Again, I'm not necessarily arguing with you but I genuinely feel that it is valid to say, different strokes for different folks. That other poster suggested that the only time a baby might pass away while co-sleeping is when the parent is compromised through alcohol or other means ans that's simply untrue. I think that while co-sleeping works for some families, it has horrific results for others.

I feel that a baby should be in their own cot/crib and should be able to self sooth to some extent, not where they're in hysterics obviously, but having the baby "wait a minute" does the child no harm, in my view. Also, there seems to be an air, in the post that I quoted that if a parent doesn't feel like co sleeping is for them, whatever the reason, whether they just don't want to or the baby is a particularly awkward sleeper, they're not parenting properly.

LegacyUser

MrTsSnickers wrote: »

I agree, but it should not be purported as fact, some children [and parents] prefer to sleep apart. A parent doesn't fail at parenting because they don't sleep with the baby. Also, aren't chimps/apes etc under threat from the leaders of the shrewdness/troop? Again, I'm not necessarily arguing with you but I genuinely feel that it is valid to say, different strokes for different folks.

Like I said, a baby would choose to sleep with their mother....to deny this is deluding yourself. Look around you. And it is not just animals, humans all over the world sleep with their infants.

Cot death is unheard of in many parts of the world for this very reason. It is an extremely healthy, normal practice.

MrTsSnickers wrote: »

That other poster suggested that the only time a baby might pass away while co-sleeping is when the parent is compromised through alcohol or other means ans that's simply untrue. I think that while co-sleeping works for some families, it has horrific results for others.

What about babies that die alone in a cot? That's an accident I suppose, nothing could have been done I suppose.....whereas co-sleeping can have "horrific results".

What guff.

MrTsSnickers wrote: »

I feel that a baby should be in their own cot/crib and should be able to self sooth to some extent, not where they're in hysterics obviously, but having the baby "wait a minute" does the child no harm, in my view. Also, there seems to be an air, in the post that I quoted that if a parent doesn't feel like co sleeping is for them, whatever the reason, whether they just don't want to or the baby is a particularly awkward sleeper, they're not parenting properly.

This "self-soothe" is a nonsense. They stop crying because no one has come to their aid. It is not self-soothing, it is giving up because their is no point. Maybe it won't affect the children in later life, but I think it can. Therefore I don't do it.

By all means stick your babies in their own rooms, it is no-one's business but your own, but
don't lie about it or try and validate it with made-up facts.

I would hate for someone to listen to their baby crying in a cot in another room cos someone told them putting them in their bed and nursing them asleep could have "horrific results".

MrTsSnickers

Tip EX wrote: »

Like I said, a baby would choose to sleep with their mother....to deny this is deluding yourself. Look around you. And it is not just animals, humans all over the world sleep with their infants.

Cot death is unheard of in many parts of the world for this very reason. It is an extremely healthy, normal practice.

Link Please?

Tip EX wrote: »

What about babies that die alone in a cot? That's an accident I suppose, nothing could have been done I suppose.....whereas co-sleeping can have "horrific results".

What guff.

It's tragic when any baby passes away, babies also pass away when in bed with their parents, not just when they're in a cot. yes, co-sleeping can have horrific results, show me unbiased research that proves otherwise.

So no babies have passed away as a result of SIDS while co-sleeping? To coin your own phrase, "what guff".

You're judging a whole section of parents that opt not to co-sleep, because they've decided that it's not for them, for whatever their reasons are, you decided what's best for your family, fair play to ya.

Tip EX wrote: »

This "self-soothe" is a nonsense.They stop crying because no one has come to their aid. It is not self-soothing, it is giving up because their is no point.

I don't mean letting the poor child scream their heads off like they're in the house on their own or something but a child having to wait a minute or a slight delay in getting to them is not going to affect the bond, their esteem or their sense of place in the family. It does not have an effect on the love that the parent has for their child, maybe the parent had to soothe another child for a minute before picking the baby up, is that giving up hope? No, it's learning patience. Children need to learn to amuse themselves. Obviously not when they are very young like under 5 months but a couple of minutes of waiting when they're older than that is perfectly fine in my view.

Tip EX wrote: »

By all means stick your babies in their own rooms, it is no-one's business but your own, but don't lie about it or try and validate it with made-up facts.

What am I lying about, or what have I made up? The OP asked for opinions on breastfeeding and co-sleeping, mine is just different to yours.

Tip EX wrote: »

I would hate for someone to listen to their baby crying in a cot in another room cos someone told them putting them in their bed and nursing them asleep could have "horrific results".

Why would anyone be listening to the baby cry for an extended period?

Both children who co-sleep and those who don't have passed away from SIDS. It's not exclusively children in cots. There are risks in co-sleeping, you cannot deny that, whether you think the benefit outweigh those risks, is completely up to you and your family.

meeeeh

Tip EX wrote: »

Like I said, a baby would choose to sleep with their mother....to deny this is deluding yourself. Look around you. And it is not just animals, humans all over the world sleep with their infants.

Cot death is unheard of in many parts of the world for this very reason. It is an extremely healthy, normal practice.




What about babies that die alone in a cot? That's an accident I suppose, nothing could have been done I suppose.....whereas co-sleeping can have "horrific results".

What guff.

Oh good god, what exaggeration. I can't sleep with a child in bed and my partner is moving so much that I'd be terrified he'd roll on the child. I even bring three year back to his bed after a while in our bed if he comes into our bedroom. Do I feel bad that I'm depriving children of something? Not for a second and while I'm not a fan of controlled crying, the world won't end if you don't attend to them the second they start whaling. So relax a little bit, besides no mater how perfect you are, you can still screw up your child in million different ways.

lounakin

I agree that there is an unjust judgement of parents who don't co-sleep. I did say before 'to each his own' in response to MrTsSnickers and there's an age where some children much prefer their cosy little room to the parents' bed. And I also disagree that children deaths in their parents beds are only due to alcohol or diminished capacity.
The bed I was mentioning that I felt was dangerous for my child made her roll in a very awkward way, she was uncomfortable and wouldn't fall asleep. It would have been crazy and irresponsible to leave her there.
I also felt while we were co-sleeping that we were waking each other up and she did start to sleep better when she got her own room.
I do not feel like I'm going against nature, I feel I'm actually listening to cues and going along the way it seems to take me. That said, there will always be times when we sleep together.
Don't be so black and white! Just because a child sleeps in their room doesn't mean they cry. Mine doesn't. There is a slight tendency of 'bullying' and I hate it. "By all means stick their babies in their own rooms" and "don't lie to yourself" etc... Do you actually think you can keep your child totally safe just because you sleep with them? The natural way is also to let danger happen and let the child find out consequences. The natural way is also the survival of the fittest, the natural way is also the dangerous way.
If we look at how the human body works, we can establish that women can have children every year and a half or so, nursing keeps the ovulation away for a time. The father's role is to make sure the mother doesn't totally forget herself in the child otherwise there wouldn't be second children. There is a place for the couple to procreate and in that light, having a 4 year old in your bed every night does not seem necessarily 'natural'.
Also, cot death is such a mystery still, we couldn't really say anything definite about it. Take the covers for instance, not many children who died choked in the covers but yet they are listed as cot-death dangers.
I actually think one would be crazy to only listen to guidelines and never their own instinct.

On a lighter note: my baby won't sleep in our bed now because she thinks it's too much fun! She just has the time of her life and fights sleep. We lasted 2 hours last time and gave up! That was in the middle of the night.

Edit: btw I am NOT against co-sleeping at all...

MrTsSnickers

lounakin wrote: »

I feel I'm actually listening to cues and going along the way it seems to take me. That said, there will always be times when we sleep together.

Oh lord, if I'd a euro for every time my fella has crawled into my bed in the middle of the night, I'd be bona fide well to do!

That's all anyone can do, is what they think is right for their family! Good luck with your family, I'm sure whatever decision you come to will be the best for ye.

lounakin

What I'm actually looking for is someone who has practised co-sleeping for long and who could tell me how the transition went. So far the people I've met (and again, I'm not against this practice) have had great difficulty and ended up with the child in bed for years and said child having tantrums every time the parents try to get them to sleep alone. A lot of heartache... how to avoid this?
A very dear friend of mine now has a 2.5 year old and a 4 months old in bed with her!

MrTsSnickers

I should have said this earlier, but I got sidetracked. A friend of mine practiced co-sleeping, when it was time for the child to go to their own bed, they got the child a bed from santa (the timing was fortuitous) and every night the child stayed in bed the whole night, they made a HUGE fuss over her and how big she was etc. In the early days there was a lot of waking during the night and bringing her back to her own bed and waiting until she got back to sleep. I think they had a specific good night song that they used.

I also think they gave her "her own special blanket", it was a fleece one, new big girl pjs that she picked herself, and a few teddys that she adored. I think a lot of it though was consistently bringing her back to her own bed and comforting her back to sleep. I'm not sure how long that took each night but they don't seem delirious with exhaustion so I assume it's worked.

lounakin

How old was the child?

MrTsSnickers

I think she was nearly 18mths-2 years or so. I cant remember exactly but it wasn't that long ago, probably last x mas actually so closer to 2

How Strange

Lounakin there was a family on David Coleman's 21st Child/ren (can't remember the exact title) but the parents and 2 sons coslept. They moved the sons into their own room when they were about 2.5 and 4 (or thereabouts) and it worked well. They decorated their room specifically. The parents said they'd realised it was time for all of them to have their privacy and personal space.

lounakin

That sounds nice, like a little ceremony for a milestone!

Ms2011

The Combe certainly seems to be less strict on having a baby in bed with you. When I had J in April he was having trouble maintaining his body temperature after he was born ( didn't realise at the time that he was fighting an infection ) the nurse put him under my nightie with me in bed & pulled up the blanket with J's head just poking out the top of my nightie. We slept like that for an hour. Didn't bring his temp up unfortunately & he had to go to special care but that hour with him really helped seal our bond I feel.
Now however he loves being stretched out in his cot, he was never a baby who even liked to be swadddled, he always liked his own space :-)