The Ideal Man and Marriage

doccbh

I recent read an article on Mitt Romney on Vanity Fair.

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/2012/02/mitt-romney-201202

I think that Mitt serves as a role model for how to treat ones wife. Several examples are notable from the article.

For example, according to the Romney's son Tagg: “We were not allowed to say anything negative about my mother, talk back to her, do anything that would not be respectful of her.”


Also, Mitt had put Ann on a pedestal and kept her there. “When they were dating,” Tagg said, “he felt like she was way better than him and he was really lucky to have this catch. He really genuinely still feels that way.”

Finally, Tagg also said it’s not that his parents never disagree. “I know there are things that she says that he doesn’t agree with sometimes, and I see him kind of bite his tongue. But I know that they go and discuss it in private. He doesn’t ever contradict my mother in public.” Similarly, friends of the Romneys’ back up that account, saying they cannot recall Mitt ever raising his voice toward Ann

These sound like the ingredients of a successful marriage.

Do you agree?

beks101

Not really, it all sounds a bit too Brady Bunch for me to be honest. And massively patronising.

I find the idea of being put on a pedestal a bit unsettling and any time it's been done to me in the past it has just killed my attraction to the guy who thought I was 'too good for him' or 'amazing' or 'out of his league' or whatever. I think that kind of attitude towards a woman speaks more about the guy who puts her there than the woman herself. We're all human, no-one deserves a throne.

Obviously respect is a required ingredient for a successful, long-term relationship, but I think respecting your partner's opinion and values etc is by no means on a par with not expressing your own opinion, never raising your voice towards her, biting your tongue when you 'know better', refusing to hear anything negative about her.

I'd find that kind of thing stifling in a relationship. I make mistakes, I get it wrong a lot of the time - I'd expect a supportive partner who loved me to help me to grow as a person by pointing out my flaws, confronting me when no-one else will, telling me to cop myself the fuck on, rather than glossing over it all because they don't want to be 'disrespectful' or whatever.

My Mam is a legend and she's the linchpin around which the family moves, but I can't imagine what it would've been like growing up in a household where she walked around with a halo above her head, some saintly sub-human who was never wrong and was not subjected to criticism or the normal family bickers like the rest of us.

In fact I would say it was through my mother's ability to admit to her own (extremely rare!) wrong-doings and flaws that I learned the absolute importance of saying sorry when you've caused upset.

Love the fact that the Romneys had an Irish setter called Seamus though

The Big Red Button

From the examples you've mentioned, it seems like this woman's wife and kids would feel that they were being disrespectful towards her if they disagreed with her or argued with her.

Personally, I'd feel I wasn't being respected if my (non-existant!) husband/children didn't feel comfortable with the notion of disagreeing with me, of having a mature debate on the issue at hand.

This thing about "He doesn't ever contradict my mother in public" ... yuck! It's just so patronising; it seems like he's pretty much assuming that, if he were to contradict her, she wouldn't be able to argue her own side. I would be very annoyed if my boyfriend ever felt he had to 'side' with me in a discussion with friends, just because we're in a relationship!

doccbh

These are all valid points. But what if one partner is significantly more intelligent than the other. Should they engage in an argument or debate that the other partner cannot win? You might find that patronizing - but it is nonetheless true

Princess Peach

My mother and her mother's number one rule in life was never contradict your mother :pac:

Jack B. Badd

doccbh wrote: »

These are all valid points. But what if one partner is significantly more intelligent than the other. Should they engage in an argument or debate that the other partner cannot win? You might find that patronizing - but it is nonetheless true

What bearing does that have on Mr & Mrs Romney? Is there evidence that there's an intelligence imbalance in their relationship?

Also, what are you proposing as true? You proposed a hypothetical situation and posed a question about it - where's the truth here?

LeeHoffmann

But what if one partner is significantly more intelligent than the other. Should they engage in an argument or debate that the other partner cannot win? You might find that patronizing - but it is nonetheless true

Are you saying that Mitt is more intelligent than his wife? Just interested. Partners choose each other - therefore if there´s a large IQ gap between them, I´d assume they´re both fine with it. (After all, they choose to be together?).

I´m going to be blunt here - normally thick people can still be right about things. Usually intelligent people can still be complete idiots at times and hold ridiculous opinions. It would be ridiculous just to assume the more intelligent person is always right. I would also find it patronizing for somebody to avoid correcting a stupid opinion on the assumption that the opposition is incapable of arguing his/her corner. Finally, I also don´t think that there would be a large IQ difference between partners in the majority of couples. Most people want a partner who can challenge them and understand them IMO.

TL/DR: being stupid doesn´t mean you cannot win an argument. :rolleyes:

MissFlitworth

“I know there are things that she says that he doesn’t agree with sometimes, and I see him kind of bite his tongue. But I know that they go and discuss it in private. He doesn’t ever contradict my mother in public.”

That made me cringe. There's something very disrespectful to my mind about visibly biting your tongue at something your partner is saying in public. Or that your children know that you bring your wife off, like a bold child, to discuss things she's said in public that you disagree with. I'd really hate to be in a marriage like that, it doesn't seem like a partnership so much as a patriarch with a wife he views as a semi-child who isn't smart enough to back up her opinions with either her husband or her children

baby and crumble

I dunno, I do think what's described above is a tad much, and I don't agree with the pedestal thing or never debating with your partner, but I do think that sometimes you have to be discreet. I mean that sometimes I or my partner will say or do something in company that upsets someone or is inappropriate. You maybe do need to tell the other to cop on, but in my mind you don't do that in company- you do that in private. I do think its disrespectful to get into it when others are around. Besides, there's nothing worse than being around a couple who are correcting each other in public, even though everyone knows you do it, it's just better in private. It's so awkward otherwise...

mariaalice

I think out of manners couples should not contradicts each other or bicker with each other while they are in company, its so embarrassing for the people they are with, but that is more to do with having good manners that anything to do with the sort of marriage they have.

As for being put on a pedestal its a ridiculous thing to want your partner to do,
but a lot of women are very attracted to the idea of being adored by their partner. The Romney's struck me as having the kind of marriage where the man always brought the jewelry and perfume while the woman keeps her self slightly aloof.

ash23

I want my children to respect me and my husband to adore me, but because I deserve their respect and adoration and I've earned it......not just because I am their mother and wife.

mariaalice

Maybe adore is the wrong word, The op seems to believe the making of a happy marriage is for the man to feel he was privileged to marry the woman he did, because she is some how better than a man like him could have expected to marry.

I adore my husband and he adores me, but it is mutual.

awec

This post has been deleted.

krudler

I dont think anyone should be put on a pedestal, being a husband, father, wife or mother should never exclude you from someone calling you on your bullsh1t when needed.

Sarah Shagal

There is no such thing as an ideal man or marriage, marriage should be equal with both getting equal respect.
The ideal man or woman to me might not see ideal to other people.

Mitt Romney seems to have his wife on a pedestal, a woman who can do no wrong in his eyes and no one is allowed disrespect her. I don't think it the norm to have a relationship like this.

Giselle

It doesn't sound like an arrangement I'd enjoy, BUT, if they're both happy with their marriage and they both feel valued, loved, and lucky, then it IS the ideal marriage.

For them.

And everyone else's opinion means nothing if that's the case.