People who befriend the lone elderly.

pappyodaniel

I know a few bachelors/spinsters in the locality and they do get a lot of help from their neighbours when it comes to dropping them into town, helping with groceries, cooking, cleaning, washing etc.

It's a very decent selfless act or is their something a little (for want of a better word) sinister. I get the feeling one or two people who help out their elderly neighbours may be expecting to be left something in the will, ie. the house, land, possessions or money.

Does this kind of thing genuinely go on? I've never seen anything blatant but the cynic in me is making me suspicious.

Shryke

It very much goes on but the neighbours could just be decent. You would be in the best position to judge yourself if you know them.

UCDVet

pappyodaniel wrote: »

I know a few bachelors/spinsters in the locality and they do get a lot of help from their neighbours when it comes to dropping them into town, helping with groceries, cooking, cleaning, washing etc.

It's a very decent selfless act or is their something a little (for want of a better word) sinister. I get the feeling one or two people who help out their elderly neighbours may be expecting to be left something in the will, ie. the house, land, possessions or money.

Does this kind of thing genuinely go on? I've never seen anything blatant but the cynic in me is making me suspicious.

Yes - people sometimes help others only because they want something in return.

Teyla Emmagan

Some people are just good. My Granny is 91 and lives alone, her neighbours are incredible to her. She never wants for company, people to drop her places, people to pick stuff up. Gives you a bit of faith in humanity again. Small rural village though, wouldn't be like that everywhere.

later12

There is a particularly tactless undertaker near where I live, who has a name for himself as a blatant opportunist. He visits the local nursing home to meet and befriend residents he would not previously have been acquainted with, and their families. He seems to have absolutely no guilt about this, or about approaching his acquaintances in the street, hungrily inquiring after their elderly relatives with thinly veiled delight at various tales of chills, falls, aches and worsening infirmities.

The oddest thing for me is how much business he actually gets from these methods, and how nobody seems to be particularly annoyed by it; which I suppose is just as well.

Lenin Skynard

I know people like this but most that they help are in council houses and don't have a big load of wealth to leave anyone in a will. Personally, I wouldn't leave an isolated pensioner to struggle with things if I could do something to make their life easier.

I think Irish society is certainly becoming more cynical but we haven't sunk as low as you suspect quite yet OP.

Latchy

Some people genuinely have the elderly persons welfare and affairs as a concern and don't wish for or look for anything in return but you'll also find that some others may show their concern but with some hidden agenda in mind .

Odysseus

It wouldn't surprise me, but tbh I would hope it is not uncommon. If someone has taken the time to check in on older neighbours, maybe doing the odd job here and a bit of shopping
there, I would imagine that it is common for them to be left some type of gift in a will.

This is a bit off topic, nut an old lad who leaves up the road from my done was done last week. Three blokes broke into his house, then brought him down the bank where he handed over four grand. I don't know what levels of threats etc were used, but the poor man is in his 80's. It would make your blood boil. My mam seen him yesterday and the poor fcuker couldn't even talk about.

However, on a more positive note I would for the HSE and I got an e-mail about some form of befriending service and there was a good quality 3rd level course involved in it, however, it was basically about gettiong people to look in and provide help and company for older people. I was in a community clinc recently as well and seen some flyers for another type of befriending service aldo for older people, so at least some good things seem to be happening.

Sorry for going OT a bit.

Maximus Alexander

My grandmother's in her mid 80s and still lives alone. Now she's doing well for her age and can pretty much take care of business for herself, but there are some folks on her road who would help her out with things from time to time. Maybe gardening, or carrying stuff in from the car, have a cup of tea with her, little things like that.

She's not the type who would have a lot to leave in her will, so I don't think there's anything sinister behind it, at least in that instance. Plenty of people are just nice.

My name is URL

If people help others to make them feel better about themselves is it still a selfless act? I think everyone has an 'agenda' regardless of what they tell themselves. Some are just more apparent than others.

biko

Maybe they're just good Christians?

the groutch

biko wrote: »

Maybe they're just good Christians?

maybe they're just good Atheists?
you don't have to be religious to be nice to people.

Archeron

A few years ago, at that first really bad winter (2010 I think), I seen an ad saying to check on elderly neighbours, so did that and dropped into the elderly woman who lives across the road, and whom I had never spoken to.

When she opened the door, she was deeply suspicious as she did not know who I was, and it took some time to convince her I was a neighbour and checking in on her. The positioning of our houses is such that she would never have actually seen me, the side of her house faces the front of mine.

As it turns out, she was afraid to go out in the heavy snow, and asked me to pick up a few bits and pieces in the supermarket.

Since then, the woman, who is in her 80's has become a friend of my whole family, and frequently drops over to us for tea and company, and we often pick her up something at the bakery or whatever, or do some bits of shopping and odd jobs fo her. She has become a good friend of the family in the past few years. We are at the point that we buy each other christmas presents now. She even bakes cakes for us (nom nom nom) as she has mentioned how grateful she is that somebody had taken the time to get to know her. In the previous 5 years she lived in the estate, no neighbour had ever been to see her.

There is nothing evil about my intentions here, and all it led to was my family getting to know a really nice old lady, and the nice old lady to know that she has somebody to turn to if she needs help with anything, and that she too has friends close by.

A brother of mine mentioned, jokingly, that I had only done this to get left something in her will, and if I could have vomited on him on demand at that moment, I would have. I think most people who think that way are saying more about themselves than about people who are genuinely just trying to do a good turn for somebody else.

I'm sure there are people who only do it for these nefarious reasons, but I genuinely believe that the vast VAST majority of people are actually decent folk. Then again, maybe I'm a gullible dope, thats also possible.

woodoo

pappyodaniel wrote: »

It's a very decent selfless act or is their something a little (for want of a better word) sinister. I get the feeling one or two people who help out their elderly neighbours may be expecting to be left something in the will, ie. the house, land, possessions or money.

Valley of the twitching windows attitiude that.

I'd say most are genuine and maybe a few think they may be left something in the will. But to tell the truth if they make the old persons final years comfortable and are helpful so what if they are left something in the will. More deserving than some nephew they hardly know who never called to them anyway.

senorwipesalot

Maybe they just find wrinklies sexy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6Y4AekjhH4

blacklilly

My own dad is very good at calling into elderly neighbours, some of these neighbours would have no family and rarely have visitors. Even giving half an hour of your time can make a world of difference to an elderly person.
To suggest that my dad or anyone else may be looking for financial gain is sad(yes I am sure there are some twisted people out there that might be opportunistic) the vast majority of people visit their elderly neighbours because, well its a nice thing to do and can make a real difference.

jessiejam

Its not just the elderly that get lonely. Maybe those who are helping out their elderly neighbours are lonely too?
Old people are great to chat to, great at giving advice, are full of wisdom and insight. Some of the stories my elderly aunts tell me have me in stiches and they are great company. Maybe those who are helping out are getting more out of it than just making themselves feel better for doing so.

FloatingVoter

Its nice to be nice. And becoming old is inevitable. The alternative option could be worse.

seven_eleven

I dont think most people think so sinisterly.
I work with the elderly, and its horrible to see how left alone some of them are. Some are just left for years with no friends, family, or anybody giving 2 craps about them because they have become too much of a burden. It really makes you feel bad to see them so lonley, but carers are the only friends they have in some instances.

Scruffles

OP,
its a very over cynical attitude to take as to do that it woud take high manipulation skills and a predatory view of vulnerable persons; which is generaly associated most with several personality disorders.

an aunty of mine in cork looked after an ex GP at his home for many years; he was very old and had dementia,she didnt get paid for it and she didnt get anything out of it when he went.
she also looks after a very old relative of ours at her own home, and at the same time is a carer in a elderly persons nursing home.
another auntie of mine in cork takes in kids from chernobyl for holidays,she doesnt get paid for it but she does it as she loves helping people and each holiday puts years of life back on the kids.

people can simply do things because they care.

torn_jersey

pappyodaniel wrote: »

I know a few bachelors/spinsters in the locality and they do get a lot of help from their neighbours when it comes to dropping them into town, helping with groceries, cooking, cleaning, washing etc.

It's a very decent selfless act or is their something a little (for want of a better word) sinister. I get the feeling one or two people who help out their elderly neighbours may be expecting to be left something in the will, ie. the house, land, possessions or money.

Does this kind of thing genuinely go on? I've never seen anything blatant but the cynic in me is making me suspicious.

courting inheritances is a great tradition in ireland , especially in rural ireland

its one of the reasons why you had so many younger people marching along with the pensioners four years ago when the goverment decided to change the medical card system , many would not want to see mammy or daddy or old jimmy up the roads money spent on pills and doctor bills

Amalgam

senorwipesalot wrote: »

Maybe they just find wrinklies sexy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6Y4AekjhH4

There's a term for it.. Gerontophilia/graeophilia/graeophile

Male: alphamegamia

Female: anililagnia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerontophilia

megaten

From personal experience most just do it for no other reason than it's the right thing to be done.

juan.kerr

Sh**, they're on to me. Time to get the flock out of here.

My mam used to do home help, about 15-20 years ago. She used to go to one lady who was very sick and whose husband needed a hand looking after her. She got paid for the couple of hours a week that she went.

When the lady died, her husband was left on his own. He had no children, and he had no family in Dublin, they were all in Kerry and in England. My mam, despite no longer getting paid, continued to visit him and look after him every week and after a while the whole family started to look after him, he became like another grandad to us. He came to us for Christmas dinner every year and Mam would do his shopping for him each week. A gentler man you couldn't have met. When it was time for him to move to a nursing home, we continued to visit him, bring him the things he needed, his shampoo, his werthers originals, his drop of red wine. Buy him new socks and vests when he needed them etc.

Jim had his 90th birthday (which was Christmas Eve) and brought us all for dinner, all of his family, and us. He stood and said "this will be my last birthday, I won't be around to see 91", and sure enough, last year, the day before his 91st birthday, he passed away.

Anway, I know I got all sentimental there, but the point is, there are people out there who are just good people willing to look after those who need it. While I'm sure there are also people out there that do things for their own reward, I like to believe there are more just genuinely good folk in the world.

Rasheed

I live in the middle of the country so when a non relative, or relative that hasn't passed any heed on the person before, starts spontaneously visiting an elderly person with land, everyone becomes suspicious.

It might be out of the goodness of their hearts but it might be more sinister, it all depends on the type of person that's doing it.

It's sad really because it probably turns some people off befriending and helping their elderly neighbours.

Ellis Dee

My own take on the matter, since I am no spring chicken and live alone in a rural area when I am in Ireland, is that there are an awful lot of decent people around and they help out their neighbours because they are kind. If they expect anything in return, it is at most that their neighbours will do the same for them if they are ever stuck. It's called "reciprocity", and it is the cement that has held societies together for millennia. The Celtic Tiger era certainly weakened it in Ireland, but is is far from gone. :)

Local-womanizer

whoopsadaisydoodles wrote: »

Jim had his 90th birthday (which was Christmas Eve) and brought us all for dinner, all of his family, and us. He stood and said "this will be my last birthday, I won't be around to see 91", and sure enough, last year, the day before his 91st birthday, he passed away.

Old people know things! I had a great uncle, who was a priest, cancel Xmas mass and give the alter boys their Christmas money the week before they would usually get it. He died on Christmas Eve.

My granny was dying but held on till all here children were with her. She died about 10 minutes after the last one got there.

Abi

pappyodaniel wrote: »

I know a few bachelors/spinsters in the locality and they do get a lot of help from their neighbours when it comes to dropping them into town, helping with groceries, cooking, cleaning, washing etc.

It's a very decent selfless act or is their something a little (for want of a better word) sinister. I get the feeling one or two people who help out their elderly neighbours may be expecting to be left something in the will, ie. the house, land, possessions or money.

Does this kind of thing genuinely go on? I've never seen anything blatant but the cynic in me is making me suspicious.

Losing...... faith....

My name is URL wrote: »

If people help others to make them feel better about themselves is it still a selfless act? I think everyone has an 'agenda' regardless of what they tell themselves. Some are just more apparent than others.

In.... humanity....

Archeron wrote: »

A few years ago, at that first really bad winter (2010 I think), I seen an ad saying to check on elderly neighbours, so did that and dropped into the elderly woman who lives across the road, and whom I had never spoken to.

When she opened the door, she was deeply suspicious as she did not know who I was, and it took some time to convince her I was a neighbour and checking in on her. The positioning of our houses is such that she would never have actually seen me, the side of her house faces the front of mine.

As it turns out, she was afraid to go out in the heavy snow, and asked me to pick up a few bits and pieces in the supermarket.

Since then, the woman, who is in her 80's has become a friend of my whole family, and frequently drops over to us for tea and company, and we often pick her up something at the bakery or whatever, or do some bits of shopping and odd jobs fo her. She has become a good friend of the family in the past few years. We are at the point that we buy each other christmas presents now. She even bakes cakes for us (nom nom nom) as she has mentioned how grateful she is that somebody had taken the time to get to know her. In the previous 5 years she lived in the estate, no neighbour had ever been to see her.

There is nothing evil about my intentions here, and all it led to was my family getting to know a really nice old lady, and the nice old lady to know that she has somebody to turn to if she needs help with anything, and that she too has friends close by.

A brother of mine mentioned, jokingly, that I had only done this to get left something in her will, and if I could have vomited on him on demand at that moment, I would have. I think most people who think that way are saying more about themselves than about people who are genuinely just trying to do a good turn for somebody else.

I'm sure there are people who only do it for these nefarious reasons, but I genuinely believe that the vast VAST majority of people are actually decent folk. Then again, maybe I'm a gullible dope, thats also possible.

Annnnnd restored.



You're a lot like me. I like to help people out, but not to feel better about myself, or for for any sinister reasons. It's called empathy for fúck sake. Does everything you do HAVE to have an agenda?

I absolutely love the elderly, and the stories they have to share. It's like talking to your grandparents, but with their own story and experiences. Like you Arch, I'm of the same opinion. While there may be some people with agendas, it would make me sick if someone suggested I'd ulterior motives for just being kind to someone else.

steddyeddy

Deleted User wrote: »

My mam used to do home help, about 15-20 years ago. She used to go to one lady who was very sick and whose husband needed a hand looking after her. She got paid for the couple of hours a week that she went.

When the lady died, her husband was left on his own. He had no children, and he had no family in Dublin, they were all in Kerry and in England. My mam, despite no longer getting paid, continued to visit him and look after him every week and after a while the whole family started to look after him, he became like another grandad to us. He came to us for Christmas dinner every year and Mam would do his shopping for him each week. A gentler man you couldn't have met. When it was time for him to move to a nursing home, we continued to visit him, bring him the things he needed, his shampoo, his werthers originals, his drop of red wine. Buy him new socks and vests when he needed them etc.

Jim had his 90th birthday (which was Christmas Eve) and brought us all for dinner, all of his family, and us. He stood and said "this will be my last birthday, I won't be around to see 91", and sure enough, last year, the day before his 91st birthday, he passed away.

Anway, I know I got all sentimental there, but the point is, there are people out there who are just good people willing to look after those who need it. While I'm sure there are also people out there that do things for their own reward, I like to believe there are more just genuinely good folk in the world.

That's a lovely story. Thanks for sharing. he must have really apreciated you'r family to do that.

WindSock

Old people are great craic. I would love to know some in the area to drop in on from time to time.

Agricola

It's nice to think there are a lot of good samaritans out there. My own experience has been quite the opposite though, both my parents losing out on what should have been straight forward (and hard earned) inheritances due to brass necked opportunistic younger relatives who made a point of "keeping in with the aul fella / one" in the last couple of years of their lives.

If I had a tenner for everytime I heard this befall someone in my own locality, I could retire almost. I definitely think theres a blatant culture of it in rural Ireland. If families can fúck each other over, then surely neighbours looking for a nice little earner on the death of an elderly person nearby, is quite common too.

juan.kerr

Is there such a thing as 'earned inheritances'?

Agricola

juan.kerr wrote: »

Is there such a thing as 'earned inheritances'?

What would you call 30 years solely attending to a spinsters every whim? A bit of craic....?

Blazer

Odysseus wrote: »

This is a bit off topic, nut an old lad who leaves up the road from my done was done last week. Three blokes broke into his house, then brought him down the bank where he handed over four grand. I don't know what levels of threats etc were used, but the poor man is in his 80's. It would make your blood boil. My mam seen him yesterday and the poor fcuker couldn't even talk about.

This is when I wished Karma existed and those fúckers had the same thing happen to them in their 80's.
Unfortunately karma doesn't exist and this pricks will prob have people like you looking after them in their old age never realising what kind of people they are:mad:

Rasheed

WindSock wrote: »

Old people are great craic. I would love to know some in the area to drop in on from time to time.

The elderly are the best craic. I work in an with a lot of elderly, the stories would have you in stitches!

juan.kerr

Agricola wrote: »

What would you call 30 years solely attending to a spinsters every whim? A bit of craic....?

So why did they do it? Purely for the money it seems. In that case why didn't your parents agree something in advance with the spinsters?

Micky Dolenz

Why not befriend ould wans, I hear the crack is 90.

LoonyLovegood

I do it. If I'm in my grandmothers, I'll go down to her neighbours. I've known most of them since I was a child, and they like that I'll still go and talk to them. A little bit of kindness goes an awful long way

Degringola

I had a relative who used to have an old lady to Sunday lunch for years. When she died she left her all her money.
The same relative's daughter now visits various old ladies.
Although they are very nice people, it just made me wonder. But maybe that says more about me than about them, I dunno.

Agricola

juan.kerr wrote: »

So why did they do it? Purely for the money it seems. In that case why didn't your parents agree something in advance with the spinsters?

Because my parents are too good natured for their own good. They took these people at their word, years ago, that it was their wish for the place to go to them. It was just a verbal thing, and obviously not worth the paper it wasnt written on. Never once did either of them march these elderly relatives into a solicitors office to make it official. That was their mistake. Others capitalized on their decency.

Hard thing to learn such a lesson when you're over 60 yourself.

ProudDUB

I have an elderly aunt who has no kids living in Dublin. They are all in Ireland, just not in Dublin. They come up to see her quite often, but I'm the only one who would look in on her on a consistent basis, pretty much every day if she is sick, which is pretty often. I am happy to do so, as she really is great crack. Two of her kids are very grateful to me for doing this, even though I don't do it for the thanks. But the third one always has some snide, snippy remark to make about me and her mother whenever I see her. It's as if she is trying to figure out my angle, and what I am after. For the sake of family unity, I do my best to ignore her, but God its fcuking annoying. I think that it says a lot more about her than it does me quite frankly !

Abi

Agricola wrote: »

then surely neighbours looking for a nice little earner on the death of an elderly person nearby, is quite common too.

The elderly aren't stupid though, they've been around a lot longer than us - cute as foxes. I think some of them realise that they're being done over but allow it because they can't do some things for themselves and long for company.

I normally judge people well, and I am rarely wrong. A person who was truly looking out for me with no agenda won't care in the slightest if I give all that I own to the Irish cancer society or another very deserving charity, and a letter of appreciation to them for all that they'd done for me.

Pawwed Rig

TBH Agricola I think that attitude is fairly disgusting. An inheritace is a post motem gift, not payment for work done. If they really wanted payment they should have been honest about it from the start and asked for it.
If they want to work hard to earn money then start a business or get a job and your description does not show a very friendly or caring attitude.

Agricola wrote: »

What would you call 30 years solely attending to a spinsters every whim? A bit of craic....?

Ronin247

Knew an old man who the neighbours looked after for years,his family were all living too far to visit regularly.This family looked after him really well...sunday dinner with them for 20 years,Christmas in their house and every need taken care of.When he died everything went to his sister,the neighbours didn't care as they were happy to have been able to help....the sister promptly gave half to the neighbours(30 -40 grand) as she said her brother should have done it but never got round to doing a will.

Nice to see it where neither side wanted anything.

Giselle

There's some lovely stories of genuinely good people bringing some happiness to the old and alone here. I've a few tears in my eyes.

I hope the cynics here have someone restore their faith in humanity if they ever become old and alone, but they might drive kindness away with their suspicions.

Some of you have really caring families to be proud of.:)

GRMA

I'm friends with an aulfella down the road, in his 70s. I do help him out a bit, shopping etc and have a few pints with him in the local.

He's just a nice guy and I love to hear his stories about years ago.

Stained Class

Giselle wrote: »

There's some lovely stories of genuinely good people bringing some happiness to the old and alone here. I've a few tears in my eyes.

Me too & I know these stories are genuine.

Still, even at my age I'm still constantly surprised at the nature of certain people I come across sometimes.

Total sleeveens who can come across as the nicest in the world, but really are complete knackers who will prostitute themselves totally to get one over on everyone else.

I try not to be cynical, but human nature amazes me sometimes.

GRMA

A relation of mine was helped out by a neighbour who was very good to her, visiting, doing shopping etc, we all thought she was great until my relation died after a few months in hospital. She didn't leave the woman anything but left everything to her family. She wasn't happy at all and even disputed the will and tied things up for ages demanding thousands of euro for what she spent on parking and fuel visiting my relation in hospital during her last few months.

I don't think I've ever been more disgusted with a human being. We all thought she was a saint.

We were wondering actually why she wasn't left anything, guess my relation was on to her Was a wise old woman.

GoldenLight

My name is URL wrote: »

If people help others to make them feel better about themselves is it still a selfless act? I think everyone has an 'agenda' regardless of what they tell themselves. Some are just more apparent than others.

Completely agree, with that statement but would also like to add that there is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself after you help another human being, as for the agenda, I assume most people have an agenda to any of their actions conscious and subconscious, it doesn't mean that agendas are wrong. Now I know that "My Nmae is URL" didn't state that anything was wrong in their comment, with people helping each other, and should be taken on face value.
If people read that statment, and believe

"that people are ameant to be gold digging manipulative beings."

I have to say from my experience and my own motivation that, statement is simply not true, and it can be used as an excuse, way to many times by the cynic in us all.

Stained Class

GRMA wrote: »

A relation of mine was helped out by a neighbour who was very good to her, visiting, doing shopping etc, we all thought she was great until my relation died after a few months in hospital. She didn't leave the woman anything but left everything to her family. She wasn't happy at all and even disputed the will and tied things up for ages demanding thousands of euro for what she spent on parking and fuel visiting my relation in hospital during her last few months.

I don't think I've ever been more disgusted with a human being. We all thought she was a saint.

We were wondering actually why she wasn't left anything, guess my relation was on to her Was a wise old woman.[/QUthiOTE]

Sorry to hear this, but...this type of thing is quite prevelant unfortunately.

It's hard for decent people to believe, but Greedy Bears exist everywhere.