Parents ,informed me on their Will

castle

My Parents who are healthy and in their 80's have informed me today that they will leave their house to my single sister who has never moved out of home,she is nice and a great sister(so no issue there). They said the reason is that their other 5 children all have a place to call home, but all with high mortgages etc,
She works in same job last 20 yrs and it pays decent she just never moved out and was never asked to move out or asked to stay for that matter, her choice.
I know it it their house etc and their choice but I am really annoyed to say the least that instead of making their 6 children all who have never had an issue with them a bit more comfortable they will only make one child mortgage free and the freedom that goes with that.
One child gets house 400K and others get about 5K each, WHY
I do feel bitter as I would have thought it would be a equal divide for all as when my OH Dad died he left everything between his 4 children to be shared equally.
I know some people will say don't be selfish etc but I know I am not ,selfish would be to expect all for myself,
We normally go to them for Xmas day and I honestly will not be doing that and at the moment can't be bothered with them to tell the truth, I have always been there for them whenever they needed anything even putting them ahead of my own family needs as they getting on,but at least they told me now which is better than finding out when they passed as I will be a little less available to their needs,
If they had decided to sell up and go on a world cruise and visit Vegas then I would have brought them to the airport and that would be great, but how parents can just look after one child is beyond me and I will never do the same to my children, no way they go the same to me,

LegacyUser

Your parents' house is only worth 400k if your sister sells it, which I doubt she'll do.
Presumably the other 5 siblings are all married, with or without children? I imagine your sister would gladly swap her mortgage-free house& loneliness, for any or your lives with family (love) & mortgages.
Equally, if either/both of your parents become ill, who do you think will be minding them? You'd lose your inheritance in nursing home fees just as much.
You deciding not to go to visit them on Christmas day will only serve to prove that, really, all along, the only reason you've been visiting them/putting yourself out with the longterm intention of cushioning your mortgage with the inheritance.
They likely don't see leaving their house to your sister as a "money" gift, rather that they are providing her with security& a home, the only home she has ever known.
Your mortgage is your responsibility, not your parents.

LegacyUser

Ah OP. I was actually feeling really sympathetic! Then I read your post from a month ago& it all began to make more sense why you're so aggrieved.
You're married, with 4 kids under the age of 11, living in a house with a mortgage of 120k.
BUT you also invested in a buy to let in 2005 with a mortgage of 330k, but the house is only worth 130k at best now.
No wonder you want that inheritance money. Guess you'll be seeing your parents or sister in court, the poor things.

ABajaninCork

OP. I can kind of understand where you're coming from, but I'm afraid it's your parent's house. It is none of your business what they do with that house, harsh as it might sound. If they want to leave it to your sister, distant relatives, or to Bertie Ahern. It's their prerogative, having worked hard for all their lives and paid for it. Just as you and your siblings are paying (I assume) for where you live.

castle

lkjlk
You completely missed the point and also came up with what if's, keep to the facts, but as you asked I will give you more info
1.Sister single by choice
2. If parents got sick she would not be a stay at home type to look after them she to busy in work and has great social life part of reason she wont move out as she saves a fortune by not having mortgage ,etc, she hands up 50E a week from a wage of net 900E,as parents wont take anymore, yes I got a mortgage by choice and she did not by choice,starting to get the picture and to say I visit them for cash gain is just stupid, simple I am annoyed as it my choice and I don't do fake ,so wont show up Xmas with santa hat pretending all is rosy in the garden, There is no logic reason to leave 99% of money to one child living at home,I think it is old Ireland rearing its ugly head where my parents are concerned I really do, anyway they will be getting the same cold shoulder from me that they showing me and the rest of siblings just the way I am,not the people I thought they where


ABajaninCork, like your reply you get the point,nothing to do with been mean it just seems unfair, they are all our parents after all not just one,

lkjlkj wrote: »

Your parents' house is only worth 400k if your sister sells it, which I doubt she'll do.
Presumably the other 5 siblings are all married, with or without children? I imagine your sister would gladly swap her mortgage-free house& loneliness, for any or your lives with family (love) & mortgages.
Equally, if either/both of your parents become ill, who do you think will be minding them? You'd lose your inheritance in nursing home fees just as much.
You deciding not to go to visit them on Christmas day will only serve to prove that, really, all along, the only reason you've been visiting them/putting yourself out with the longterm intention of cushioning your mortgage with the inheritance.
They likely don't see leaving their house to your sister as a "money" gift, rather that they are providing her with security& a home, the only home she has ever known.
Your mortgage is your responsibility, not your parents.

Curry Addict

it doesnt seem fair but maybe your parents have an insight into life and your situations that older people get and believe they are doing the best thing.
its likely they feel that although the 5 married kids will have to work hard etc they do have support and security enough to have good lives.

I wouldnt judge them for it. im sure they thought a lot about it and want to leave good meaningful legacy.

Neyite

Op, has she been handing up money for her keep to your parents?or helping with home improvements or maintenance in the last 20 years? if so, her salary coming in may have been quite welcome to two elderly people who have been pensioners for 15 years or more. Maybe her contribution makes things a lot easier day to day -pensions dont stretch too far these days - she might do the tasks around the house that they are not quite fit for anymore, like mowing the lawn, or the grocery shop.

Ultimately, its their decision to make, its their home to do what they want with. Maybe they feel that she will look after them if their health fails, where the rest of you have family commitments and may not be able to?

Lorna123

Hi Op, I can perfectly understand why your parents are leaving the house to your sister who lives alone, the reason being that she won't have to move out when they die. The rest of you have a roof over you so it would be a big thing if your sister had to start looking for a house after your parents die. If you had been the last person in the family home and hadn't married it would have been you who would have benefited with the house.

It doesn't mean that your parents love you any less than they love your sister or any of your other siblings. They just feel as your sister is an unmarried woman that she needs the security of the home. That's all.

Please don't take it out on them in their 80s and feel bitter about this, they think they are doing the right thing by all of you. Please don't let them die alienated from you. That would be a terrible pity and something you will regret for the rest of your life when they are gone.
OP this kind of thing happens quite frequently and in the country the eldest son used to inherit everything, so don't think badly of your parents. Love them for the kindness that is in their hearts.

LegacyUser

Fine, lets stick to the facts, but I don't think you'll like my post any extra.
You're 120k in debt from your own current house, and a further 330k in debt from a buy to let back in '05. So, a total of 450k mortgage repayments has you eyeing up your inheritance, or lack thereof, with a lot more anger that you would otherwise have had.

sullies

OP l disagree. It is not your fault that your sister never married and had a family so why are you being punished for it? I believe that all children should be treated the same regardless of what they done with their lives. I know that l couldn't make a difference with mine. I think you should go over at xmas instead of avoiding them as l think that would be a decision you will inevitably regret. Also, by not going to their house you're saying that you care more about money than your relationship with them as your parents. At the same time l can understand that you are hurt because l'm sure for you it isn't about the money and more to do with the fact that they have chosen her over all the other siblings. I suggest you go over to their house, when your sister isn't there, and let them know how you feel. Apart from that there really isn't anything else you can do.

shampooman

Hey Castle,

You know if I were you I'd be annoyed too, actually I'd be fairly angry but to cut to the chase it's their house and in their mind for whatever reason it probably makes perfect sense. Spend Christmas with your family, you don't know how many are left and just get on with it. They are your parents, you seem like an intelligent well rounded person and I'd imagine they played a part in this so you should be thankful. I know it does not seem like it but I can totally 100% see it from your point of view but just weigh it up...what's more important family or money/perceived fairness? If I were you I'd get the anger out, maybe discuss it with them and then let it go and move on. Don't let this anger persist and fester... a long term argument between family is just sad. End of the day you love them, they love you and **** the rest. Seriously deep breaths and resist the urge to explode...I can almost feel it in your writing Best of luck!

blatantrereg

That sucks.

I know of a family where that happened too. In that case they left the house to the youngest son, who was also the only single one. They just saw him as a bit more of their child and less grown up I think - that the others didn't need looking after any more.

I think it's a bad decision in both your case and that one, from the information I'm aware of. I'd be rather dismayed myself if the same thing happened.

Actually there was an uneven division of a will between two children in my own family come to think of it. In that case the greater benefactor squared it with the other child. Perhaps you could put that idea to your sister. Of course she might not want to do that, and there's not much you can do if she doesn't apart from accept it.

LegacyUser

As for "all children should be treated the same", well this works both ways, parents should be treated the same by all children. Except this doesn't happen. Some children do more for parents through either circumstance or convenience or congeniality, or a mixture of all three.
Also, especially in a large family, with lots of different personalities, and everyones' lives veering off in different directions, of course parents are going to be closer& more attached to some children than others.
OPs' mum and dad are in their 80's, and have been around long enough to have seen plenty of funerals, inheritance issues, family issues, ect. They won't have made their decision lightly. However unfair, that decision must be respected. I'm sure they wouldn't dream of dictating any of their adult children what to do with their own houses/finances, that respect should be extended back to them.

WaltKowalski

castle wrote: »

yes I got a mortgage by choice and she did not by choice

You both made your own choices, and so have your parents.

AnonMouse

So, basically what you're saying OP, is that it boils down to money? Your sister that is living with your parents, will more than likely shoulder a lot more of the burden if/when either of your parents get sick.

There are two ways of becoming richer:

(i) Demanding more

(ii) Seeking less.

You should be grateful that you still have your parents. They won't be around forever, so make the time count.

Just my opinion anyway.

Degringola

Not exactly the same situation as yours OP, but has certain similarities.
Huband has 4 siblings, and the youngest sister is in her forties now and has never married (not through choice, I don't think, Mr Right has just not happened along so far) and also works full time.
Parents are in their late eighties now. She is always there for them, keeps the house up to scratch, they cannot be left alone at night, but as said, she is there for them always.
Her siblings relieve her for days/nights out and holidays, visit, bring them out to lunch, shopping, doctors' appointments etc. when youngest sibling is at work. She has willingly lifted a huge burden from their shoulders which means they can spend more time with their own families. (Not that she sees it as a burden, she doesn't.)

Even if your parents are hale and hearty now, accidents can still happen, and they are of course getting older. It must be a great comfort to them to have one of their children living with them who will have their best interests at heart.

I know my husband and his siblings will be forever grateful for what she is doing. They've known for years that the house is willed to her and they think she deserves every brick of it.

Stavro Mueller

I can understand why you are burning up with anger but you need to stop and take time out before you do something you regret. Not going to your parents for Christmas is a little bit like a child throwing their toys out of the pram. It's an instinctive lashing out at something that is making you very angry but it has significant repercussions.

It's likely you're going to cause a rift in your family. Not just with your parents but with your siblings too. If you don't show at Christmas, when will you come visit? What will you do if one of your parents falls ill and decisions need to be made? Will you be included/excluded from the decision making? At the age they're at, it's likely that you'll be attending some funerals in the coming years. You need to bear that in mind - is it really worth falling out with them at this stage. Can you live with the guilt?

As others have alluded to, it's likely that if they do fall ill, that your sister's the one who's going to be sharing more of the burden. I've no idea if there are statistics but usually, the unmarried child who's still at home is the one who ends up picking up a disproportionate amount of the tab. You can't assume that just because of the way she's living her life now, that she'll not help. Maybe she's doing more for your parents than you think. Also, unless your parents are lucky enough to remain in rude good health until the end of their days, it's likely that they'll be needing home care and/or go into a nursing home. All of which costs a lot of money as you're aware.

The most sensible thing for you to do in the short term is to calm down and not do/say something you regret. Especially not to your parents or to your sister. Perhaps when you're feeling calmer, have a chat with your parents but don't say something you regret. As things are, you can't change anything. Blowing your top over this isn't going to make them change the will and will send out all the wrong signals to them.

IrishEyes19

I think its your parents house who have worked all their lives to keep it afloat and its their decision at the end of the day. They obviously have a reason for it and have a right to do what they want. To be honest Id respect my mam and dads decision, because I love them more than anything, 5 grand is still a lot of money and I think you are being petty. Avoiding them at christmas will do more hurt than good and I think you should rethink this.

username123

I can totally understand why you are upset over this OP. However, harsh as it is, its your parents decision.

Unfortunately by doing this they are likely to cause a big rift between yourself and siblings and your sister who will see her as having gotten the free ride in life - which is true.

But its their money. If they want to walk down Grafton St handing out tenners they are entitled to do so with it.

To be honest I would be surprised that your sister would accept that. In her shoes Id divvy it out equally but then again if she is used to the easy ride financially then perhaps she will be happy to take it.

You can all also consider suing for a share of the estate but thats likely to just see the estate eaten up in legal fees.

But I totally agree with you re how you feel and the idea that you might be less available now, why would you be more available when you are being treated less favourably than another sibling?

The best thing I can really say is this - you are being taught an important lesson for your own future, to treat one child differently causes rifts and bad feeling.

Daisy M

I can't understand why you are so angry. Your sister has lived in the house her entire life, its the only home she has known. I presume that your sister is middle aged given your parents age and how long she is in her current job. Your parents know what your sister is missing out on not having a family of her own, they are also probably aware that if one or both of them become ill the burden of care and decision making will fall on her shoulders and also thinking that when one of them passes away the other will be extremely dependant on her.

I am kinda stunned that you can not see how richer your life already is than your sister, also you have had one inheritance already from your father in law most people never even get that much!

ronjo

I can understand you not being happy Op as I am in similar situation myself. I am youngest but one sister at home will get house. My parents opinion is that I am welcome to move home there anytime I want but they don't want her to be forced out
At the start I was a little bummed but now I am totally fine with it.

I would advise you to accept it as soon as you can and move on. Life is too short to be falling out over money, especially with your elderly parents.

LegacyUser

I think everyone can understand why you are angry, really angry. But please wait before making any rash decisions. Your sister may not be single by choice, not everyone tells their story. I think you are here to confirm support for your anger and yet you don't want to feel angry and it's hard just to let your emotions go. This is a fight that will result in no winners, and only more anger and sadness that may not be repairable. I agree it's not fair.

It's impossible to put yourself in other peoples shoes fully. I doubt your parents did it to hurt any of you. I doubt they would want you to be angry, this angry with them. Please just wait and always remember what is most important.

ilovesleep

My mam's mother died a few years ago. Granny had something like 10 offspring ranging in ages now to late 40s to mid 60s now. All but 3 married and made their own ways. The one's who weren't married or seprated - 1 was abroad for a long but came home and is renting. Another abroad, not coming home. The youngest stayed at home all his life.

Granny left everything to him - house and whatever money. There was no anger from his siblings about this. Absolutely none. It didn't even cross my mam's mind anyways.

Is 50 euro your sisters only contribution? 50 euro towards her keep? How old is she? There shouldn't be any keep because in my opinion if your parents are in their 80s she should be doing a weekly grocery shop for the family at the very least. Bills should be in her name too. House improvements and appliance repair or replacements too. I find it hard to believe that 50 is here only contribution, especially when your parents are so elderly. Your post does appear to be about money.

Neyite

OP, there are 6 children according to your original post.

What do the other 4 who are set to inherit the same as you feel about her getting the family home? Have you talked to your sister about it at all?

LegacyUser

It doesn't matter if OPs sister is paying 50euro for her keep....I'm sure her simply by being there is priceless to the parents.
From a security perspective- if someone breaks in, from a health perspective- if one of them takes ill, from a psychological perspective- a young person to talk to, from a practical perspective- tidying up for visitors, cooking, cleaning, fetching things. The advantages to the parents are endless.
I feel sorry for the sister in the longterm though, I'm sure she didn't choose to be single, just mightn't have met her Mr Right, the house will be cold comfort when both parents have passed away and there's an echo down the corridors and the bed cold, with noone to talk to, and estranged from her siblings. Everyone experiences hardship, but it's all so much easier with someone standing by your side to support you....maybe this is the only way the parents feel she can ever experience that.

ilovesleep

Your post does appear to be about money.

Do you want your sister to sell the house when your parents die and share out what she gets? The house is worth 400,000k you said. And there's six of you. That would be about 66,666 each, of course subject to tax so less but still a nice healthy sum to pay down onto your mortgage. So that your sister heads off renting.

or

Maybe should she remortgage the house and pay you what you think are entitled to, so that it will help with your mortgage. But it's dumping her with one too.

username123

Neyite wrote: »

OP, there are 6 children according to your original post.

What do the other 4 who are set to inherit the same as you feel about her getting the family home? Have you talked to your sister about it at all?

Yes, I wondered this as well.

And what did you tell your parents when they informed you of their wishes, did you tell them that you felt that they were treating one child differently and that you were angry and resentful about that, and if so, what was their reaction? I find it hard to believe that parents would make a deliberate attempt to cause a family rift between siblings like this.

Taltos

OP - to be blunt - it is their house, their life and they can choose to give it to some crazy cult.

Is it fair - no not at all, at least not by what you have told us.

However - for the moment they are still alive - instead of letting their choice eat you up or make you angry at your sister I think instead you need to grow up a little here and have some respect for their decision and bravery in telling you. They were under no obligation - and might have told you now so that you can burn up your anger at them instead of your sister. But really - who does this serve?

My advice
Go back to them - tell them that no you don't like their decision, you don't respect the choice but you do respect and love them and out of this love you are going to do all you can to come to some form of acceptance now before it is too late.
Not trying to pull the old guilt card - but do you really want their last years to be marred by hostility due to a decision they made?

Their life - their house - just accept that they love you and seeing that you have your own home just wish the same for their stay at home daughter who for whatever reason (known or not) doesn't appear to have the same stability and love you all have...

WaltKowalski

Can understand why you're p-d off,but this statement reflects very badly on you.

castle wrote: »

We normally go to them for Xmas day and I honestly will not be doing that and at the moment can't be bothered with them to tell the truth

It's your parents house, but it's your sisters home.
What do you think should happen her when they die? That is if they pre-decease you both.

LegacyUser

I can only speak for myself but if my parents left everything to one of my siblings only, it wouldn't be an issue for me..I'd be happy to see them taken care of. It is my parents choice and i'd respect that..at the end of the day I'm sure I would want just one more moment with them than caring about who got what

squonk

Frankly OP you made a crap decision to invest from what we see from some detective work by another boardsie. Your parents house is theirs to do with as they please. Stand on your own two feet and don't expect anyone to bail you out. It's your problem, not anybody else's. your sister provides security and assistance and company for your elderly parents. You have some serious copping on to do my friend.

The HorsesMouth

Sorry but I disagree with all posters that say they can see where you're coming from. Truth is you are distancing yourself from your own parents because they are making a decision about their own money that doesn't benefit you. That is what you call greed.
And it is not your parents decision that may cause agro between your siblings, it is your self-interested attitude that will be the catalyst. They made their choice for good reason I'm sure. Did you ever think that maybe they would like to keep the family home in which they and their children grew up in in the family?
My advice is keep out of it and respect your parents last wishes. You will regret it if you don't when they are gone.

LegacyUser

OP,
as a child that has had to live through a generation of fighting over who get's what, don't let this ruin your family...and believe me, it will if you continue as you are. You're parents have made their decision, like it or not, and unless you go to court after your parents have passed, it won't change.
my father inherited everything and had to pay off the rest of the family with a "gesture", compaired to what he inherited. He was the one that stayed at home, we were the one's that were there on a day to day basis with our grandparents when they got old. It's not the same as your situation, i know, but because of this, my grandparents left everything to my family. some of the family took it as it was, it was what their parents wanted. They were the ones that sent the cheque back in an envelope, torn up in bits. My father cryed the day these cheques came back...Others in the family who were under financial strain took it as a slight on them, and cashed the cheques...and 20 years later there is still fighting going on and it's not worth it.
I don't speak to some of my cousins because of it, and it kills me because it's nothing to do with me, it's the generation above me that has caused this. In my family of 6 siblings, everything is being left to one of my brothers and we all know this, but after what has happened to the generation before me, i will never hold this against my brother because i don't want the fighting that i have seen to continue to this generation...it breaks my heart when i meet some of my relatives in town and they cross the road rather than meet me on the street...do you really want this for your family?
We're all adults and have all made decisions to buy property, get mortgages etc and yes, some of us are in negative equity at the moment but that was our choice, not our parents and i certaintly do not expect my partents to consider this when they are making their will.
I think you are being very selfish towards your sister. she hasn't done anything wrong.

Please don't avoid them at christmas because you will regret it. enjoy your time with your parents while they are still alive, don't be living your life waiting on their inheritance!

castle

squonk wrote: »

Frankly OP you made a crap decision to invest from what we see from some detective work by another boardsie. Your parents house is theirs to do with as they please. Stand on your own two feet and don't expect anyone to bail you out. It's your problem, not anybody else's. your sister provides security and assistance and company for your elderly parents. You have some serious copping on to do my friend.

Do you not think that I know people can read old posts Sherlock,I could have used another user name if I wanted to 'DOH'
before you lose the run of yourself that question was asked on behalf of a friend who is now in UK going bankrupt and I wish him well,

As a parent myself I would never put one child above another can't do wont do it that just me,few points to the great reply's I have received and all welcome
My sister is not their minder,security guard etc,My parents are in full health and do not any assistants from anyone to tell the truth or the E50 from ny sister as our Mum has an old Semi state pension ,my sister who is great works in a job that does take her away at weeks at a time out of Ireland so she will not become a nurse to them and everyone's knows this, she never wanted kids and that is still the case at 39 yrs,
I do not have a crazy mortgage but I do know 2 of my siblings have over 200K and both have not worked in a few years and of course they would not tell my parents this as it is their problem etc, I do reckon that my parents might believe that as we all have houses that we are sorted as the way of old days,so I and one other who is comfortable know what the parents want to do with their will and not sure if they will tell the others ,
I know people here have said they had not ill feeling when all left to one child but the thought of 50K,100K that you might have got must leave sleepless nights if not you are a saint,I wonder how many people after been left a big family home sold it the following year for something smaller and nice nest egg now that would get my goat
I just believe it is better to make 6 people happy rather than one ,yes it is about money and that is nothing to be a shamed off nothing at all,money makes world go around,
and the reply's in relation to it is the only home sister knows does not cut the cheese at all, she as it stands with her saving's could get a house where she wants with a mortgage less than 100K now that does not seem right that her siblings would have to struggle for rest of their life due to no fault of their own bankers,Government etc, the lesson I will take from this is to do what my Father in Law did and split it equally as what I will do for my children,I would hope I never have favorites,the fact is I simply don't get why people would leave their own off spring out of will for no apparent reason as the saying goes ' you think you know someone'
but the Xmas thing I will reconsider and thanks for the people who actually wanted to help and give guidance thanks you people make this site what it is ,

Calhoun

castle wrote: »

and the reply's in relation to it is the only home sister knows does not cut the cheese at all, she as it stands with her saving's could get a house where she wants with a mortgage less than 100K now that does not seem right that her siblings would have to struggle for rest of their life due to no fault of their own bankers,Government etc, the lesson I will take from this is to do what my Father in Law did and split it equally as what I will do for my children,I would hope I never have favorites,the fact is I simply don't get why people would leave their own off spring out of will for no apparent reason as the saying goes ' you think you know someone'
but the Xmas thing I will reconsider and thanks for the people who actually wanted to help and give guidance thanks you people make this site what it is ,

This is what i hate about these threads, when did our parents become automatic money machines? When did we become so grand that we deserved anything from them? Should we not wish they have a comfortable life?

A couple of things i think you are overlooking;

1. The bankers/government maybe partially at fault they didnt make anyone accept anything but more importantly your parents aren't at fault and shouldn't be expected to bail their children out;
2. Could it be that rather than your parents having favorites they are actually protecting the lame duck. I don't mean this in the wrong way but your sister is 39 and is still living at home despite having the ability to move on. I could be wrong but it doesn't seem to healthy and you never know there could be much more your parents are aware than you are;
3. When all is said and done you will have your family, she will have an old empty house with memories. I'd rather be in your position or your siblings who have families;
4. Yes your siblings maybe in debt the rest of their lives but see point 3, they aren't doing it alone and in many ways kids are a safety net to ensure things dont get to bad. Your sister wont have many to rely on when she hits old age.

orchidsrpretty

This thread has made me feel so sad. OP you are not even thinking about the great loss you and your siblings will feel when you parents pass, just about the money they are leaving behind? I have seen siblings who were very close torn apart for money. Is it really worth it? Did you take out your mortgage with the plan that when your parents die you could pay off a chunk of it?
OP, really think hard if 50k is worth losing your sister for.

LegacyUser

Every family is different. Some parents seem to think that one child should be left everything or they might leave nothing at all to there children.
It least your parents have made out a will and you know what is in it so your not expecting a large sum of money or property at a later date.
In your position I would tell the other family members about the will as they may be expecting money at a later date and basing plans on this. They might not be happy to hear that your sister is being left the house but they need to know this.
Also if they have an issue with this they can speak to your parents/sister.
Why should you pick up on the fall out that will happen when this will is read after your parents death?
I would agree with you you divide up your estate that you include all the children and you also need to get legal and tax advice when gifting items/cash due to tax laws.
You could give some one over the limits allow which means they could have large tax bill to pay before getting it.

Stavro Mueller

You're looking at this very much from the here and now. It's great that your parents are in good health now but what if that changes? You've been very lucky on that front. What happens if one or both of them falls ill and needs caring for? Or nursing homes come into the equation? Where's the money for that going to come from? Might it mean the family home being sold under Fair Deal?

Even if your parents manage to stay at home, chances are they will become more frail and will need help. Do you seriously think your sister isn't going to step up to the mark when responsibilities fall to her. Which they will unless the rest of you find the time to be hands on.

I can only think your parents meant well when they made the will. They probably think the other five of you are set up and doing well. If they're not hearing the other side, you cant blame them. Your sister is the one left behind and probably looking at spending the rest of her life alone. I am skeptical about the single by choice assumption but that's another matter.

Life's not fair's post is a classic example of what happens when a family starts squabbling over a will. I suggest you read it twice. You're going down that road yourself if you don't get over this. Is it really worth it? Have you really reduced everything your parents did for you down to a cheque for five grand.

candystick

[QUOTE=castle;8179145 yes it is about money and that is nothing to be a shamed off nothing at all,money makes world go around [/QUOTE]

When l read this l found it quite shocking. I find it shameful that you are willing to fall out with your elderly parents over money. At the end of the day you have your own family whereas your sister has lived in their home for say 40 years or whatever. In them 40 years your sister has been there, possibly making dinners, grocery shopping etc, and just general companionship for your parents. That, OP, is priceless. It is your parents money and to be brutally honest, it is none of your business. Go to your parents at xmas, it could be their last for all you know and imagine living with the regret of that!

castle

candystick wrote: »

When l read this l found it quite shocking. I find it shameful that you are willing to fall out with your elderly parents over money. At the end of the day you have your own family whereas your sister has lived in their home for say 40 years or whatever. In them 40 years your sister has been there, possibly making dinners, grocery shopping etc, and just general companionship for your parents. That, OP, is priceless. It is your parents money and to be brutally honest, it is none of your business. Go to your parents at xmas, it could be their last for all you know and imagine living with the regret of that!

The fact that all siblings live within a 15 minute drive to parents if time ever comes for them to be looked after during day at night will be shared bewtween siblings ,this is already a done deal. as some work p/t some not at all past 4 yrs or so with no propect of work, and people keep saying the sibling at home will bare most of the blunt but not in this case and even if this happens in other familys does it mean they should be paid for it, I would not want pat to look after my parents so expect others should think the same
Everyone seems to think they can't do amything for themselves they are in their 80's and does not mean they can't make dinner,drive their car, golf once a week etc, ,My sister due to be so busy in her work usually gets home after 7pm and always had a nice warm dinner waiting she has never done grogery shopping as this is done every Friday morning for the past 20 yrs or so, I lived there for for over 28 yrs I wont fall out over money buy I still think it is wrong to give over 400K to one child and 5K each to the others, this I dont agree with and the funny thing about this was my own father been the youngest in his family was told by his then Father that the family home would be left to him alone and would you imagine he told his father to change the will to the house been left to all the siblings,(this is the curve ball) I can honestly say if I was told house been left to me I would not accept and would insist on house been split equally,this is the type of guy I am,

WaltKowalski

€400K? Is that current market value?
Must be some house!

An Bhanríon

Perhaps others have a different understanding of the nature of an inheritance, but I have always understood that getting an inheritance is not an entitlement, i.e. one should never expect to get anything from a will when somebody dies. Inheriting money is an extra, not an expectation.

With that understanding, OP, your parents have the right to do whatever they want with their money. Not what you want to hear, I know, but I think it is the truth.

I stand corrected if that is not the correct interpretation of how an inheritance works, but that is what I have always been led to believe.

a posse ad esse

I can't believe what I am reading with your posts. You seem to have this sense of entitlement regarding your parents' money. This indeed is very sad, imo. I would never in my wildest dreams expect or demand anything from my parents. In fact, they have done enough beyond my 18 years of my life in this world. If anything, I would prefer that they enjoy their retirement instead and spend all their money than worry about wills and last testaments. I would rather their house sold and money spent than have conflict with my siblings.

It actually disgusts me when people assume and think that parents need to give everything to them forgetting that their parents sacrificed enough raising them in the first place. I was taking care of my parents on a daily basis until I moved across the Atlantic. I did this based on gratitude and love not what and how much I will get in the will. In fact, my brothers and I know for fact that one particular brother with health issues is going to get all of it. We have no resentment and anger towards our parents for choosing so. We think by doing so is removing the financial burden and stress on caring for an ill sibling.

I really think it's sad and downright greedy when people think that they are entitled to somebody else's money. I hope to dear G-d that none of my children are going to think this way when my husband and I become old.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, I think it's time to lock this thread. This forum is intended for advice not general discussion. You don't seem to be asking for advice, but rather ranting about your situation. After 3 pages of 'discussion', it's time to lock this now.

If you are in fact looking for advice, you can PM any of the mods here and clarify what advice it is you want, and the thread will be reopened at your request.

Take care,
Big Bag of Chips.