moving to be with your man, what are your experiences?

starrynightsky

Would love to hear experiences from women who have had to relocate to be with the man they love.
I'm a 33 year old woman born and raised in the city and I'm about to move to a really rural area to settle down with my lovely country man.
Without going into too much detail, I am risking a lot in terms of lifestyle, friends, socialising, my work, being near my family. But if any man was worth is he is. I'm still terrified though.
How do you get passed the "what if I'm making a mistake" stage...?

Cerulean Chicken

I moved from the city to a rural enough town (although it's very well linked and close to bigger towns and cities) for my boyfriend. At first I hated it, the first year was pretty awful, adjusting to living in this small town, lack of things to do, no friends, etc. But now my life has improved immensely, all because I moved here. I have my lovely boyfriend (now fiancé), I was able to start a business here that I couldn't have done in the city, I've saved more money than I would have living in the city, etc. So it all worked out in the end after a rocky start

TeletextPear

I moved from one city to another two years ago to live with my boyfriend. Couldn't recommend it enough. We'd been doing long distance for about 18 months before and the constant train journeys, the sadness on a Sunday evening when it was time for one of us to leave, etc, just got to be too much of a pain. The only thing I would recommend is getting a house with two bedrooms if you can, because ye will need space and time to do your own hobbies or just get a break from each other and being in a cramped house does not help.

If you can, get friends down to visit for a weekend now and then so you don't feel too isolated from your old social circle. Have a talk with your bf about bills, housework and all that boring stuff before ye move in together so you're both on the same page.

And as for getting past the 'what if I'm making a mistake' stage, if it doesn't work out you can always move back out. No harm in taking a chance!

Ellsbells

Well it all depends on how much he wants you to move. Whose idea was it? Do you have a future planned together? Is it what you want?

borderlinemeath

I did similar to yourself 7 years ago. Born and raised in Dublin, never lived outside of the city and met my now fiance who was from a small country hamlet (blink and you'll miss the school, church and shop!)

He moved to Dublin when we first started going out, but admitted after a few years that he hated living in the city, albeit the suburbs. The rudeness of people, the proximity and interference of neighbours, the traffic, the dirt - all really annoyed him. I suppose its the things you don't realise when you grow up within it.

We ended up moving to a town that was equidistant to Dublin and to his home place, not running the place down but I couldn't live there, it's very 'closeted' and it can sometimes conjour up images of duelling banjos:p. We live in the countryside but 10mins into the nearest major town. I've made good friends here and wouldn't consider moving at all.

On the negative side I too got a bit of a turn against Dublin, I endured a long commute for a few years and it really soured it for me. I would spend so long in traffic getting to and from the place I didn't visit my family and friends as often as I should as the thought of getting into the car and going to Dublin really exhausted me. Since I've stopped commuting it's got easier, going to Dublin doesn't have the same horrible monotonous feeling, I only ever head now to visit family/friends or go out so it's something to look forward to.

LeeHoffmann

I moved to another country to be with him. It was the best thing I ever did.

I hope all goes well, whatever you decide OP

Princess Peach

Currently living in Canada but will be moving to a new town in Ireland next month to live with my boyfriend for a year until we can both come back to Canada together.

I don't know anyone in Dublin where we will be, and job prospects aren't great for me but I don't really want to stay here without him another year. So yes it is scary but I really don't have any doubts or worries about it as I know we will be happy, and I guess maybe cause it will only be temporary. There's not much for me in my home town either regarding friends or close family, so my decision differs from yours in that.

But I can't wait

princess3901

I moved from a big town to a rural area over an hours drive away from my hometown, I literally live out in the sticks I am living there now nearly 3 yrs and to be honest I have never adjusted. I love my husband to bits and that is why I stay.
I was so miserable in this new area where I knew nobody, I was so lonely. I was diagnosed with Depression about 9 months after moving there, my family and friends knew I was unhappy. I went of work for very near a year. I still haven't adjusted to this new place. I have my dream house my husband treats me like a queen but I am still not happy where we are, I don't know if I ever will be but I love him so I have to be with him.
I think everyone is different in how they deal with changes in they're life and I do think moving from a city or big down to a rural area is a big change.
If I was to do it again, I would ensure I'd cut the apron strings from my husband and his mother and we would have compromised and got a happy medium, somwhere inbetween that wasnt totally rural and not a big town (he hates big towns and cities and said never ever would he move to one).

Sorry for the long spiel. It actually felt good to put it in writing. Good luck with your move, I hope it goes well for you.

Honey-ec

I moved from Dublin to Tullow to be with my now ex. I never really settled there, tbh. He's actually a Dub himself and since both families and all our mutual friends were still in Dublin, we spent our lives driving back up at the weekends in order to socialise.

I also had to commute to Dublin for work and let me tell you, it was an absolute nightmare. Nobody is meant to spend 15 hours a week in their car. I did this for six years. It took a huge toll on our relationship as I was generally like a demon by the time I got home in the evening and he couldn't come near me for at least an hour after I got in. In the winter, I didn't see daylight at all during the week except through the office windows. It then got to the stage where, obviously, the last thing I wanted to to do was get back in the car to drive to Dublin again at the weekends, and we pretty much stopped going anywhere.

He started playing rugby for the local team down there and his social life improved drastically, but I always felt like I was 70% in Dublin and only 30% in Tullow the whole time I lived there.

We split up last year and I'm back living in Dublin, and the improvement in my quality of life has been immense. People often ask me would I have been happier down there if I hadn't had to commute, and I genuinely don't know. The only kind of job I could have got down there would have been in retail, probably part-time and I don't think it would have fulfilled me at all. Not to mention that the money would have been crap and I still would have had the issue of my entire family (who I'm extremely close to) and all my friends being in Dublin.

Anyway, best of luck with whatever you decide, OP, but have a long, hard think about it. You may feel right now that you'd do anything to be with him, but if you move and end up hating it, it's going to put a HUGE amount of strain on your relationship.

YumCha

Have done it twice before - once 8 hours drive from home, and the other 11 hours drive (am not from Ireland obviously!). I then was going out with an Irish guy here for 2.5 years who wanted me to move abroad for him and told him no way (there were a lot of other mitigating circumstances though).

The one thing I would say is to make sure you maintain your own life - when I moved I just fell in with my exes' friends and we always went to things together. Of course once the relationship was over I was stuck in a different city, on my own, AND I'd obviously let my friendships from home lapse.

It IS a big risk - part of the reason I said no to moving abroad with my last ex was because I couldn't bear the financial and personal hit of having to start all over again if it didn't work out.

So I'd say at the very least have a talk now about what happens if you give it a go and you aren't happy with it - I'm not casting doubt on your relationship at all, but am just a great believer in being practical!

Lola92

I moved 2 hours to be with my partner when I was pregnant. I spent the week commuting back to Dublin for work and then when my maternity leave kicked in I found myself very isolated and lonely there, home alone with baby in our apartment. I found it very difficult being in a small town, relative to Dublin, where everyone knows every body else's business and you are seen very much as a blow in. The people in our social circle there were all working or lived a fair distance from us (no car) and public transport options are very poor there. Also, they were my partners friends and their wives/girlfriends and all had their own lives going on obviously. I found it particularly tough to find people with similar interests to me that were genuinely interested in widening their circle of friends, rather than just having a nose or looking for gossip.

We have more or less decided that we do not want to live there long term but as my partner is employed in the construction sector, there is nowhere else he would get work at the moment aside from emmigrating.

starrynightsky

Thanks for all the responses ladies, its really interesting to hear your different experiences. You see, I'm in a real pickle because we're planning to start a family in the not-too-distant future and our future is going to be permanently in this rural area. Compromise to another location isn't an option, particularly so since living here will enable a greater standard of living for us and for any children we might have. I don't obviously have to move up straight away, he's not rushing me and says we can continue with the commuting back and forth for as long as it takes for me to make up my mind - as in, whenever I'm ready, he's ready. He's my perfect man and we have so much in common and have a great time when we're together (not to mention tall dark and handsome!!) The guys I met/went on dates with in the city have been a waste of time compared to him.
The other side of things, I have a life here. I don't have a good job - my jobs is actually rubbish and I'll be glad to leave but at the same time I do have my own income. I also volunteer and I have a wide circle of friends and a good social life. My life will change dramatically when I move and I'm trying to prepare myself for that, even though I'm excited on many levels.
I have two views, the romantic view (its so beautiful up there, mountains, beaches) and the realistic view (where will I work, what will I do, will I be lonely?). I've always been very social, very active and very busy...I hope I can adjust to driving ten miles to the nearest small town and an hours drive from the nearest city.
I'm taking a leap of faith I guess. Once I go I feel there's no going back, I wouldn't want there to be. I've always wanted a family and now's my chance, I guess I just didn't realise my life would change so much.