Do you discuss your infidelity with friends free of guilt?

Gauss

I had sex with a woman I know who is in a relationship a while back, she recently told me she told a friend in work who I know. Then she went on to say that her friend had just cheated on her husband so they were both promised not to tell their secrets. They had a laugh about it.

I was really surprised as both are really nice people who'd be perceived as morally sound by friends and colleagues. So do you think your infidelity is a source of light hearted conversation if you do part take in such activities?

How many cheating threads is that you've started now? 4? were you cheated on? Or is there something you really want to tell us?

SunnyDub1

Wow... they sound like lovely woman :rolleyes:

Gauss

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

Wow... they sound like lovely woman :rolleyes:

They actually are apart from the above obviously.

Hardonraging

I'm single so no I don't discuss my infidelity in fact what goes on in my bedroom stays in my bedroom .... unless they escape

Logical_Bear

bluewolf wrote: »

How many cheating threads is that you've started now? 4? were you cheated on? Or is there something you really want to tell us?

Maybe the OP is banned from the PI forum?

Father Damo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7boRHoz27s

michellie

You really have an obsession with cheating.

bluecode

I wouldn't discuss my infidelity with anyone! Assuming I was ever in that position which is a bit unlikely.

But I do know people who have cheated on their other half who have absolutely no shame about it whatsoever or even feel the need to hide from anybody but the person they cheated on.

I would go as far to say that despite guilt about cheating being the the central theme of many a novel or movie. In reality most people don't feel any guilt at all. Unless they get caught.

I remember some research somewhere that there may indeed be a sound biological reason why some women cheat. Something to do with the instinct to produce strong children from men who wouldn't make good Fathers and Husbands.

I think it's probably more common than most of us believe.

up for anything

Discussing infidelity is the quickest way to get caught.

Hardonraging

up for anything wrote: »

Discussing infidelity is the quickest way to get caught.

With a name like that it's quite obvious what you get up to ..

Gingernuts31

Best thing to do is don't cheat in the 1st place. If your single you don't go after a person who is in a relationship. I'm married and I live 5 hours away from my wife as she is is college. I trust her and she trusts me and I know neither of us would ever cheat on the other for the simple reason we love each other and if your going to cheat you may as well be single. Marriage vows or vows made to each other are not there to be broken.

9959

With my good lady wife I discuss her infidelity, but she refuses to desist.

Princess Peach

A few of my friends did before, and I got all mean and judgemental on them.

Don't expect me to support your crappy behaviour just because I'm your friend. One girls got mad at me then for not being supportive!

Gauss

I've heard it in the locker room too amongst men for a my old football team. Men with wives and kids having a laugh about some one they had on the side. No guilt whatsoever, it was a source of amusement.

mattjack

Gauss
Registered User


Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 244
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First Dance songs
Hi,

I'm getting married next year and just looking for some suggestions for first dance songs, nothing too over played.

I hope the lucky lady your marrying isn't a Boards member

Dodge

I can't tell my mates as I'm riding all their wives

Wacker The Attacker

Proof positive that marriage is little more than a glorified business arrangement and a weekend long piss up to most people

SunnyDub1

mattjack wrote: »

Gauss
Registered User


Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 244
Adverts | Friends
First Dance songs
Hi,

I'm getting married next year and just looking for some suggestions for first dance songs, nothing too over played.

I hope the lucky lady your marrying isn't a Boards member

Hope she is, so the poor woman can find out what kind of complete dick head she is marrying.

Gauss

I'm marrying Sindy 45.

BizzyC

A guy I work with has a bad history of cheating.

He got into major trouble with the missus recently.
He bought an iPad an unknowingly had it synced for text messages, so his wife found all of his conversations with his bits on the side.

Serves him right, he isn't getting sympathy off of anyone.

Vicar in a tutu

No, well I'd never cheat anyway, have these women never heard of the saying'' a closed mouth catches no flies '' ?

Gauss

It really does amaze me how seemingly good people can be so judgmental about various topics including infidelity while casually discussing with your friends your conquests on the side. Cognitive dissonance or something going on.

Gauss

Gauss wrote: »

I'm marrying Sindy 45.

Does she know

Gauss

bluewolf wrote: »

Does she know

Yea it's in the past.

1ZRed

Gauss wrote: »

I've heard it in the locker room too amongst men for a my old football team. Men with wives and kids having a laugh about some one they had on the side. No guilt whatsoever, it was a source of amusement.

What dickheads they are to be fvcking around with a wife and kids at home. These lads wouldn't be getting respect from me for getting off on the side, I'd actually think it pathetic on him given the circumstances.

If you want to fvck around then be single, no problem, but don't go about having your cake and eating it too when the stakes are higher and you can mess up your own family's lives. Pure selfish.

DeltaWhite

1ZRed wrote: »

What dickheads they are to be fvcking around with a wife and kids at home. These lads wouldn't be getting respect from me for getting off on the side, I'd actually think it pathetic on him given the circumstances.

If you want to fvck around then be single, no problem, but don't go about having your cake and eating it too when the stakes are higher and you can mess up your own family's lives. Pure selfish.

I am so happy to see someone with sense! Couldnt agree more, stay single if you wanna fcuk anything with a heartbeat imo..

IF I were to cheat I would be totally guilty telling any of my friends, even though they wouldnt berate me for it. But I would never do something like that ever in my life..

9959

1ZRed wrote: »

What dickheads they are to be fvcking around with a wife and kids at home. These lads wouldn't be getting respect from me for getting off on the side, I'd actually think it pathetic on him given the circumstances.

If you want to fvck around then be single, no problem, but don't go about having your cake and eating it too when the stakes are higher and you can mess up your own family's lives. Pure selfish.

Hear, hear.

'When you were so in love with me
I played around like I was free
Thought I could have my cake and eat it too
But how I cried over losin' you'

Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons
'Working My Way Back To You'

carrig2

I cheated a couple of years ago but was found out. I broke my husband's heart, lost the respect of my family and friends and more importantly I lost respect for myself. How people can talk about it as if it is nothing I cannot understand. Would give anything to turn the clock back on what I had and who I was.

Father Damo

BizzyC wrote: »

A guy I work with has a bad history of cheating.

He got into major trouble with the missus recently.
He bought an iPad
Serves him right, he isn't getting sympathy off of anyone.

Serves him right, what kind of idiot would buy an iPad?

Gummy Panda

I remember I knew this girl through an ex. The girl was getting married but having one stands. I was at party and was talking to her and her boyfriend. I felt really uncomfortable talking to guy as I kept thinking "here mate that yoke beside you is riding everything"

1ZRed

DeltaWhite wrote: »

IF I were to cheat I would be totally guilty telling any of my friends, even though they wouldnt berate me for it. But I would never do something like that ever in my life..

Well, slip ups can happen and I doubt many people go about with the intent of fvcking around, I'm sure people still do, but when it happens own up and take the blame. I'd say the most important thing would be to be honest with whoever you're with because they're just left clueless to all of this while you get around behind their backs which is completely unfair and disrespectful.

But men/women who go around cheating like it's nothing and even gloat and laugh it off to their mates, with a family involved even, are pure dickheads and I'd have no respect for them personally.

I suppose it's easy enough to look down on any body who cheats, and IMO I still think it's wrong, but slightly different circumstances do play into it for everyone, so it's not quite so cut and dry to throw them all under the same bus when some actively go out to do it, and some do it because of a slip up. I'm not justifying it on either end though.

In my view, you own up to it and take the blunt of what you've done like a decent person because it's a sly thing to do when you're in a relationship, and choose to stay in it, with someone for a reason.

blue note

1ZRed wrote: »

Well, slip ups can happen and I doubt many people go about with the intent of fvcking around, I'm sure people still do, but when it happens own up and take the blame. I'd say the most important thing would be to be honest with whoever you're with because they're just left clueless to all of this while you get around behind their backs which is completely unfair and disrespectful.

But men/women who go around cheating like it's nothing and even gloat and laugh it off to their mates, with a family involved even, are pure dickheads and I'd have no respect for them personally.

I suppose it's easy enough to look down on any body who cheats, and IMO I still think it's wrong, but slightly different circumstances do play into it for everyone, so it's not quite so cut and dry to throw them all under the same bus when some actively go out to do it, and some do it because of a slip up. I'm not justifying it on either end though.

In my view, you own up to it and take the blunt of what you've done like a decent person because it's a sly thing to do when you're in a relationship, and choose to stay in it, with someone for a reason.

In general I'd agree with your post, but I'd disagree with the "own up and take the blame" part. I don't think that's always the best option, in fact I think often it's more so the cheater can be forgiven and fell better about himself / herself.

Essentially, I think the person should honestly evaluate the positive and negative consequences of confessing. It could be the case that it will probably break you up and you could be at an age where finding someone else is unlikely, or finding them in time to have kids is, whereas the actual cheating could have been a genuine once off, stupid mistake that you feel awful about and would never do again.

Or it could be the case that you're going out with a depressed person and might have cheated for some brief escapism (again with great regret) and confessing could tip your other half over the edge. Again, I don't think you should be confessing without properly considering whether or not it is a good idea.

floggg

blue note wrote: »

In general I'd agree with your post, but I'd disagree with the "own up and take the blame" part. I don't think that's always the best option, in fact I think often it's more so the cheater can be forgiven and fell better about himself / herself.

Essentially, I think the person should honestly evaluate the positive and negative consequences of confessing. It could be the case that it will probably break you up and you could be at an age where finding someone else is unlikely, or finding them in time to have kids is, whereas the actual cheating could have been a genuine once off, stupid mistake that you feel awful about and would never do again.

Or it could be the case that you're going out with a depressed person and might have cheated for some brief escapism (again with great regret) and confessing could tip your other half over the edge. Again, I don't think you should be confessing without properly considering whether or not it is a good idea.

Well your low chances of finding somebody else shouldn't give you a pass.

But I do agree sometimes its better not to own up. If it was a one off, never to happen again horrible mistake than it could do more harm than good. It could cause a lot of hurt and harm to your partner and destroy trust for what was genuinely a mistake in a moment of weakness which meant absolutely nothing.

While I personally never plan on cheating I think people can have moments of weakness and mistakes do happen. I don't think giving in to temptation in a momentary lapse means you love your partner any less or that your relationship is suddenly a lie. I think it just means that you made a mistake.

If you don't plan on ever letting it happening again, you might be doing your partner a favour by staying quiet about it.

Of course, back on topic, if your bragging about it, then you don't really care about your partner and none of the above applies. Your just a selfish piece of ****.

And if you want to sleep around, staying single isn't your only choice people. As long as your partner consents to whatever you get up to and you stay within agreed boundaries, it ain't cheating!

Abi

Gauss wrote: »

I had sex with a woman I know who is in a relationship a while back, she recently told me she told a friend in work who I know. Then she went on to say that her friend had just cheated on her husband so they were both promised not to tell their secrets. They had a laugh about it.

I was really surprised as both are really nice people who'd be perceived as morally sound by friends and colleagues. So do you think your infidelity is a source of light hearted conversation if you do part take in such activities?

I love how all the attention is directed at her. Yes what she did was disgraceful, but you knew she was in a relationship but still had sex with her. How does that make you the better person here?

Gauss

Abi wrote: »

I love how all the attention is directed at her. Yes what she did was disgraceful, but you knew she was in a relationship but still had sex with her. How does that make you the better person here?

Never claimed I was better, just an interesting observation.

Larianne

carrig2 wrote: »

I cheated a couple of years ago but was found out. I broke my husband's heart, lost the respect of my family and friends and more importantly I lost respect for myself. How people can talk about it as if it is nothing I cannot understand. Would give anything to turn the clock back on what I had and who I was.

I don't think people are in the right frame of mind when they cheat. There is always something else going on in the background. So while they may appear normal when talking about it, I'd say they are hurting about something.

Abi

Gauss wrote: »

Never claimed I was better, just an interesting observation.

It's a shít stir, thats what it is. Regardless of gender, cheaters are devoid of morals, I regard single people seeing people that are in a relationship or married in the same category. Either be in a relationship or be out of one.

Gauss

Abi wrote: »

It's a shít stir, thats what it is. Regardless of gender, cheaters are devoid of morals, I regard single people seeing people that are in a relationship or married in the same category. Either be in a relationship or be out of one.

That's fantastic but it's not really what the thread is about. It's about guilty free sharing of cheating stories with friends.

Princess Peach

Gummy Panda wrote: »

I remember I knew this girl through an ex. The girl was getting married but having one stands. I was at party and was talking to her and her boyfriend. I felt really uncomfortable talking to guy as I kept thinking "here mate that yoke beside you is riding everything"

I was in this horrible situation before too! A close friend of mine was cheating on her boyfriend for months. He was a nice guy, and my stomach lurched every time I saw him, but I couldn't really betray my friend then

it also makes me sick when people brag guilt free about sleeping with married or attached people, like what they are doing is absolutely fine since they aren't in a relationship!

Abi

Gauss wrote: »

That's fantastic but it's not really what the thread is about. It's about guilty free sharing of cheating stories with friends.

I'll play ball then. Gummy Panda mentioned a friend about to be married to a cheating woman, so I'll go with that scenario. I wouldn't ruin someone elses party by bringing it up there and then, but I'd do it separately. He'd be told not to shoot the messenger and I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, then I'd start firing names out right left and centre. I know it would hurt, but I wouldn't be happy to let the guy make a fool of himself, and possibly an expensive divorce if he found out later. If he turned on me for it, so be it, I just wouldnt be able to keep something like that to myself and watch the guy get married. She'd be called scum and to stay the fúck out of my face in future.

Too many excuses are made for this kind of shít, 'oh it just happened' and 'I had a few to many, I don't remember anything'. Bollox. If you can't be responsible for your actions, or are unhappy in a marriage or relationship then get out of it. I'd much rather be told 'its over, I don't feel the same way any more' rather than hear from someone that they've been with someone else.

It's much easier to deal with a relationship failing and agreeing to split than the mental damage of being cheated on.

Brain Stroking

Abi wrote: »

I'll play ball then. Gummy Panda mentioned a friend about to be married to a cheating woman, so I'll go with that scenario. I wouldn't ruin someone elses party by bringing it up there and then, but I'd do it separately. He'd be told not to shoot the messenger and I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, then I'd start firing names out right left and centre. I know it would hurt, but I wouldn't be happy to let the guy make a fool of himself, and possibly an expensive divorce if he found out later. If he turned on me for it, so be it, I just wouldnt be able to keep something like that to myself and watch the guy get married. She'd be called scum and to stay the fúck out of my face in future.

Too many excuses are made for this kind of shít, 'oh it just happened' and 'I had a few to many, I don't remember anything'. Bollox. If you can't be responsible for your actions, or are unhappy in a marriage or relationship then get out of it. I'd much rather be told 'its over, I don't feel the same way any more' rather than hear from someone that they've been with someone else.

It's much easier to deal with a relationship failing and agreeing to split than the mental damage of being cheated on.

+1. Nail on head.

If you cheat on your partner, despite the easy get-outs of "it was just a mistake" or "one night of weakness" etc, you're a selfish, dishonest c**t. No other way around it in reality

HeyThereDeliah

It's not something that should be discussed with anyone except the two people involved, people cheat, make mistakes, i would not automatically call them selfish, things happen sometimes but life is a learning experience.

What are people's views on cheating via text, e mail phone chats? Is this considered the same as sleeping with someone else? Is it selfish, dishonest etc?

Abi

HeyThereDeliah wrote: »

What are people's views on cheating via text, e mail phone chats? Is this considered the same as sleeping with someone else? Is it selfish, dishonest etc?

Of course it's dishonest. It's heading down a slippery slope, because it rarely ends there. It's obviously not as painful as someone who cheats on a physical level, but it damages trust which in turn will mean a break down in communication, paranoia, and undoubtedly frequent arguments. It intoxicates a relationship.

HeyThereDeliah

Abi wrote: »

Of course it's dishonest. It's heading down a slippery slope, because it rarely ends there. It's obviously not as painful as someone who cheats on a physical level, but it damages trust which in turn will mean a break down in communication, paranoia, and undoubtedly frequent arguments. It intoxicates a relationship.

I agree once there is an emotional attachment it's cheating even if it never goes to the next level of sleeping together.
Resisting the temptation might be honourable but it's still a dangerous game to be playing.

Esoteric_

You're getting married, OP? A week ago you were single! :eek:

'Why did you cheat?
I am single
1 week, 2 days in After Hours by Gauss 152 Replies 1,273 Views'




I call troll.

Abi

HeyThereDeliah wrote: »

I agree once there is an emotional attachment it's cheating even if it never goes to the next level of sleeping together. Resisting the temptation might be honourable but it's still a dangerous game to be playing.

I think if you find yourself there, you're not communicating properly as a couple. It can be weakly argued that those who cheat via email / text or whatever enjoy being flirted with as it gives them a confidence boost, wrong. Theres a self esteem issue there, or they're not hearing it from their partner or something. Like I said, it's a slippery slope. If a relationship is in trouble the emotional cheater may be enticed further down that road as it makes them feel better about themselves.

hooradiation

Well yes, much in the same way I commit my infidelities.

Gauss

Personally it would make me a bit uncomfortable if someone starting telling me about their cheating, don't think I'd say anything though. None of my business.

carrig2

Larianne wrote: »

I don't think people are in the right frame of mind when they cheat. There is always something else going on in the background. So while they may appear normal when talking about it, I'd say they are hurting about something.

This is very nice of you but it was pure selfishness on my part.

candy-gal1

WTF, well I do know some people who would and have done this, but FFS its hardly something to be proud about imho, It just shows that their quite insecure in either their relationship or themselves and need the validation of "what they can get" or in some and a lot of cases its boredom, looking for something to do as theyre not really happy or are just looking to cause crap hence "excitment" for theyre petty little lives, and im talking about those who cheat on people and also those who get off with others bf/gf knowing that theyre taken, both equally wrong and pointless tbh.

I have never cheated, and never will I can safely say, as whats the point?! If you want to sleep around/flirt around/kiss around etc etc then just be single, it saves so much hassle and hurt, live life and treat others as you want to be treated, if theyve fcuked you over first then just get the hell away from them, simple enough tbh.