Help with bullying in school.

Esoteric_

Hi there, first time poster in here as I am not a parent, but am acting as a guardian for the past few weeks to my little sister.

My 14 year old sister has been bullied by a group of 4 girls for the past 6 months, both in and outside of school (third year). The bullying consists of following her through the corridors shouting abuse, making threats, streams of abusive texts, calls, voicemails, Facebook messages and so on, as well as spreading nasty rumours and lies about her. My parents were dealing with it, but have gone away for a while and so I'm acting in their role at the moment. About 2 weeks ago, it came to a head when a gang of people cornered my little sister, threatening to 'get' her after school. Two of the girls in this gang had previously attacked her (one had actually slammed her into her locker by the throat and choked her). My sister is now too scared to get the bus to school, so I've been walking her the few miles up and back every day.

I went into the school to discuss this with them, and was told it would be 'sorted.' However, the vice principal I dealt with was extremely dismissive, and categorically denied my sister being slammed against her lockers by the throat, despite the fact that the girl who did this admitted it and was given a detention for it!

Later that day, my sister rang me in floods of tears. Her form tutor made her go into a room with the gang of people bullying her and try to fight her corner. It ended with the bullies all saying that they hated her, and being told 'okay, that's fine, now go back to class,' while my sister sat in a corner crying, after the kids were all allowed stand up screaming at her. After the other kids left, the form tutor then told my sister that she had to attend counselling because she must be depressed! :eek::eek: My sister said that she didn't want to, she wasn't comfortable doing that and that she's not depressed (she's actually a really happy kid), and the teacher said that she HAS to do counselling, and also has to tell the counsellor about her close friends and what they do to themselves (one of them has self harmed in the past) because it's my sister's DUTY to tell her about her friends' personal issues.

Yet again, my sister came home in tears, so I wrote a polite but firm letter, telling the tutor that my sister does not want counselling and that as I am acting 'in loco parentis,' I do not give my consent to this (I was never asked to give consent in the first place!). I also stated that my sister's friends' personal problems are none of my sister's business and she will not be discussing them because they do not affect her life and have nothing to do with her.

She handed that letter in this morning, and has called me (once again in tears) because her tutor took her out of class and told her that from now on, my sister is not allowed to speak to her about any 'fights' she gets in (how the hell is constant bullying considered a 'fight??') because I have said she is not allowed to (I most certainly did not!) and that from now on, if she wishes to speak to the teacher, I have to give written consent because I told the tutor in my letter to 'butt out' (again, I most certainly did not, and nothing of the sort was implied either!).

The tutor went on to say that from now on, whenever my sister and her friends meet up outside of school, they have to invite the ringleader of the bullying, and has told the ringleader to report back to her to make sure that she's being invited to do things on the weekends!


Can any of you lovely people give me some advice as to what to do next? The school are refusing to believe she's being bullied, even though my sister has over 200 abusive texts and voicemails saved from the past month, not to mention hundreds of Facebook messages, she's been attacked in the past by 2 of the girls who are threatening daily to 'kick her head in' and she's in genuine fear of going to school. I'm not used to dealing with this sort of thing as I'm not a parent, so any advice would be extremely welcome!

Sorry for the long post, but I'm really clueless here. :pac:

the_syco

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Later that day, my sister rang me in floods of tears. Her form tutor made her go into a room with the gang of people bullying her and try to fight her corner. It ended with the bullies all saying that they hated her, and being told 'okay, that's fine, now go back to class,' while my sister sat in a corner crying, after the kids were all allowed stand up screaming at her.

LyndaMcL wrote: »

The tutor went on to say that from now on, whenever my sister and her friends meet up outside of school, they have to invite the ringleader of the bullying, and has told the ringleader to report back to her to make sure that she's being invited to do things on the weekends!

Get your parents involved, and make an appointment with the headmaster/principle of the school to discuss the above, as the tutor is promoting the bullying.

Esoteric_

the_syco wrote: »

Get your parents involved, and make an appointment with the headmaster/principle of the school to discuss the above, as the tutor is promoting the bullying.

I can't get my parents involved for a while, as they're currently several thousand miles outside of the country. That's why I'm so clueless, I've never had to deal with this before. :pac:

I agree that the tutor is promoting it, but if they're denying it is even happening, I'm sure they'll just deny that, too.

I'm going to make an apppointment to speak to both the principal and the form tutor on Monday morning, but I have a feeling they won't take me seriously (again). Any other avenues I can go down if this isn't sorted? I can't have the kid going into school so terrified, she's crying every night over this.

I take her phone away from her after school, unless I can see her texts, and I've limited her Facebook access and have her passwords, which she feels is a punishment but I've explained that it's to protect her, so she accepts it. I've seen all of these messages, and she showed several of them to the form tutor too, but they refuse to accept that she's being blatantly bullied.

They've even told her that she's 'giving herself a bad name' because she listens to rock music!!

Galwaymother

I really feel sorry for you and her! Your descriptions of what is happening to your sister are heart-breaking. Well done for supporting her fully.
I can only tell you what I would do (I am a teacher in a Secondary School by the way):
- Try to go above the form tutor's head, as you will only get more grief from her, and she does not seem intellectually able to deal with the matter. Keep all things official, civil and reasonable. For example, contact the Year Head, or write a letter to the Principal, outlining exactly what you told us, or maybe get your parents to do it, as it may carry more weight. Present the proofs of the bullying. Ask for a meeting with the management to discuss how the matter has been handled, and how it can be solved.
- If you get no result from this, contact the Board of Management, again officially, by registered post, keeping all records and sending proofs again. Mention if necessary legal action etc. BOMs are quite wary of solicitor's letters.
- Is your sister close to any teacher? She could confide in them so that they would be advocate for her and keep a eye on her. It often happens in school that just one teacher following an issue can resolve things.
- Tell your sister everything your doing, so she is in the know and sees she has adults supporting her fully. In school, she should surround herself with her friends at all times so a repeat of the locker incident is not possible. Tell her to ignore taunts and just walk away if at all possible. If she gets angry and shows lack of self-control etc, the bullies will have achieved what they are looking for.
- Keep close and stay alert for signs of being down or depression, as anybody would find it hard to stay upbeat in this situation.
Best of luck and I hope it gets solved soon...

Esoteric_

Galwaymother wrote: »

I really feel sorry for you and her! Your descriptions of what is happening to your sister are heart-breaking. Well done for supporting her fully.
I can only tell you what I would do (I am a teacher in a Secondary School by the way):
- Try to go above the form tutor's head, as you will only get more grief from her, and she does not seem intellectually able to deal with the matter. Keep all things official, civil and reasonable. For example, contact the Year Head, or write a letter to the Principal, outlining exactly what you told us, or maybe get your parents to do it, as it may carry more weight. Present the proofs of the bullying. Ask for a meeting with the management to discuss how the matter has been handled, and how it can be solved.
- If you get no result from this, contact the Board of Management, again officially, by registered post, keeping all records and sending proofs again. Mention if necessary legal action etc. BOMs are quite wary of solicitor's letters.
- Is your sister close to any teacher? She could confide in them so that they would be advocate for her and keep a eye on her. It often happens in school that just one teacher following an issue can resolve things.
- Tell your sister everything your doing, so she is in the know and sees she has adults supporting her fully. In school, she should surround herself with her friends at all times so a repeat of the locker incident is not possible. Tell her to ignore taunts and just walk away if at all possible. If she gets angry and shows lack of self-control etc, the bullies will have achieved what they are looking for.
- Keep close and stay alert for signs of being down or depression, as anybody would find it hard to stay upbeat in this situation.
Best of luck and I hope it gets solved soon...

Thank you so much, I really needed this kind of information! I have already spoken to her vice principal and written a letter to her form tutor. Her form tutor is unfortunately also her year head, so I'll have to go straight to the principal now.

I'm hoping that one last ditch attempt to talk some sense into the school by contacting the principal will work, but I will definitely write to the board of management if this continues because I've done all I can to protect her and I've even come close to keeping her home 'sick' for a day because she's so stressed out, but she's doing all Higher level subjects for her Junior Cert and I can't have her missing out on her education.

She's not particularly close to any teacher, but one teacher did come over to her when she was crying on her break, fearing that she was having an asthma attack, to check that she was okay, and my sister says she has asked her twice since how things are going, so I'll encourage her to talk to that teacher.

I'm keeping her informed about everything I've done, even reading the letter out to her because, like you said, she needs to know that she has my full support, especially because as I have access to her texts and internet accounts, she felt at first as though she was being punished.

Thank you so much for your advice, I'm really hoping that I can resolve things now that I have a clear idea of what to do.

Galwaymother

As the_syco said, the tutor's actions are scandalous. Is she trying to force a friendship? Make up and all will be fine? Might work in senior Infants, but not with teenager girls!

About staying away from school, I would not really recommend it, unless your sister insists, not because of the Junior Cert. , it's still early days, but because it would seem like a victory for the 'bullies'. They should be the ones staying out of school for a few days, with a suspension!

When you talk with the principal, try to be as factual as possible, and ask for sanctions (for example their parents being called separately, bond of good behavior, report cards, or suspension if it comes to it) not more useless meetings between the girls, which can often only inflame matters, as happened in this case.

That teacher taking an interest might indeed be a good inside person to rely on.

Be strong and clear on your objectives for Monday's meeting. Best of luck again!

edellc

get print outs of facebook messages, text messages and bring the phone with voice messages to your meeting with the principle so you can show the bullying

stay calm but be firm when dealing with the principle and demand some action is taken over this as you do not want to find your sister hanging from the banisters due to this situation

what is the school policy on bullying, quote it to the principle

next time you sister is cornered in school get her to go straight to the principles office and tell principle that she is too scared to go back to class due to this incident, and do this for every incident

does the school have cctv, if so any chance any of this is caught on camera??

if the school wont take you seriously then I dont care where your parents are they will need to come home, bullying used to be bad enough but most kids dealt with it and moved on, now a days with the internet its relentless and leads to kids killing themselves so its that serious, so if the school isnt listening to you then your parents have to parent simple as and get themselves home, no excuses this could be their daughters life in the balance

best of luck with the meeting

LadyMayBelle

Terribly sorry to hear this is happening. I work as a school counsellor and this bullying online thing is rampant. Sickening.

Print everything out, texts if possible, videos, photos, screenshots whatver. That's hard evidence there. The other posters have said everything else Id recommend, and Im delighted to hear there's a meeting.

Get her a new phone number, sit with her and got thru her privacy settings on facebook/twitter etc and block these girls.

Dont completelty dismiss the counselling aspect; it's just another support system there for your sister; someone impartial who will have her back in school, and granted Im sure she has be tormented with fear and worry over the time. Her self esteem will have gotten a nasty bashing and a good counsellor will help her not take crap from bullies; and bullies dont like that. It can be done discreetly. Most students seeking counselling arent 'depressed', just having a really rough time and need 'time out' and have someone support them. Poor kid. In time, if she feels like it x

Has she got a good friend or two who can rally and support her or what's the story there?

Thinking of you OP; Ive a younger sister who's not far off 14 and really empathise with you. Good luck

ezra_pound

As other posters state, keep a record of any evidence you can.

If you want to stop bullying and the school aren't playing ball, then the only option is to contact a solicitor and seek civil damages. From other similar cases it appears to be the only way to get schools to take it seriously.

Esoteric_

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

Terribly sorry to hear this is happening. I work as a school counsellor and this bullying online thing is rampant. Sickening.

Print everything out, texts if possible, videos, photos, screenshots whatver. That's hard evidence there. The other posters have said everything else Id recommend, and Im delighted to hear there's a meeting.

Get her a new phone number, sit with her and got thru her privacy settings on facebook/twitter etc and block these girls.

Dont completelty dismiss the counselling aspect; it's just another support system there for your sister; someone impartial who will have her back in school, and granted Im sure she has be tormented with fear and worry over the time. Her self esteem will have gotten a nasty bashing and a good counsellor will help her not take crap from bullies; and bullies dont like that. It can be done discreetly.

Has she got a good friend or two who can rally and support her or what's the story there?

Thinking of you OP; Ive a younger sister who's not far off 14 and really empathise with you.

Thanks so much, and thank you to everyone who has posted, I appreciate all the replies. I feel somewhat like a child myself when dealing with the teachers. :pac:

I am getting her a new number tonight, and I've arranged for her friends to stay over tomorrow night to cheer her up. Her self esteem has definitely taken a bashing. She hates how she looks even though she is honestly a ridiculously pretty girl (she got the looks in the family :pac: ).

The only reason both she and I dismissed the counselling idea is because the form tutor told her that she would have to discuss what her friends' problems are, and about her friends' issues at home, because the friends themselves told the teacher to 'fúck off' when offered counselling. If it were to be about helping build my sister's self esteem and teach her some coping mechanisms, I'd be all for it, but at the moment, it's not about that.


She has a few close friends, and two of them are really looking out for her, and don't leave her on her own at any time. The only times she's been left alone are when she's running to her locker between classes, but I've told her to start double checking what she's got in her bag so that she doesn't need to do this.

Thanks a million for everything. She showed her form tutor the texts, but nothing was done about it as the teacher could barely use the phone. I'm going to stick all the texts, screen shots and voice files onto a USB and bring it into the school with me on Monday morning. Hopefully having it all thrown in their face (politely, of course) will shock them into action.

byhookorbycrook

As a teacher I am stunned by this form tutor. Facebook/twitter/texts are outside the school and may not be within the remit of the school, but what has happened in the school most certainly is. Good advice from Galway mother. This has to be sorted and the school must take a role.

the_syco

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I can't get my parents involved for a while, as they're currently several thousand miles outside of the country. That's why I'm so clueless, I've never had to deal with this before. :pac:

Is either of her godfather or godmother a ball breaker? If either of them are, show them screenshots of the facebook messages, the text book messages, and inform them of the tutors response.

And watch as they burn the school to the ground :pac: not literally, of course, but I dare say that they'll go hell for leather on the subject.

meisha

I would be sooo tempted to wait outside for them and see how they like to be abused!!!
I really feel for your sister my sister was bullied,as I am 3 years older I went up to the school and confronted them,they werent so big then,never gave her any bother after that,the school did nothing so I had to either nip it in the bud or take her out,I politely told them if they looked at her or said anything to her again Id be back. In most cases these girls are all hard on the outside but cant handle any hassle when it gets on top :mad:

Esoteric_

the_syco wrote: »

Is either of her godfather or godmother a ball breaker? If either of them are, show them screenshots of the facebook messages, the text book messages, and inform them of the tutors response.

And watch as they burn the school to the ground :pac: not literally, of course, but I dare say that they'll go hell for leather on the subject.

Nah, her godparents aren't in the picture really. If all else fails, I'll get my uncle to come up to the school with me, he's a bloody battleaxe. :pac:

Thanks again for all the advice, guys.

mockingjay

You really are a fantastic sister and she is so lucky to have you, but I say cut to the chase and bring your Uncle to meet management on Monday, they will overwhelm you with jargon. When dealing with the Principal is always a good thing to be prepared as they will be - Print out those messages, they might not agree to looking at a USB key and there will be very little you can do in that case. Are your parents aware of this situation? your sister seems very young to be on her own at such a stressful time in her life (junior cert etc). The school should be made aware of this and the fact she is vulnerable. As your sister is pretty, these girls must be very jealous. The tutor seems very inexperienced, I agree with other ops - deal only with the Principal from now on.

spurious

The school should have a a clear anti-bullying policy and procedures set in place to deal with reported incidents/patterns of behaviour. Ask to see them.

I have myself been involved in dealing with a Facebook bullying incident in school. The school were made aware of it by the parent and with their co-operation the child logged into their FB account in a school office. The anti-bullying co-ordinator downloaded all the FB messages (and the likes, as they are as bad) complete with photos of the bullies and their supporters and we called in every single one of them and their parents.

There's not a lot of leeway for talking your way out of it when you are confronted with your own words and your cheesy grinned photo beside it. We brought in the community guards who put the fear of God into the group and caused the hangers on to clearly identify who the main ringleader was. Nothing like a bit of pressure to dissolve their loyalties.

We made an absolutely HUGE issue out of it in the school and have not had any reported FB issues since, as the kids know well that anything will be dealt with swiftly.

Your sister's school are legally obliged to make sure it is a safe place for her to be. I hope you make more progress with the school.

nkay1985

I can add no more except to re-iterate that you need to be very clear what you want from Monday's meeting. Write it down and refer back to it to ensure things are going how you want them. Get a firm commitment from the school on what actions they are going to take from this point. If they're unwilling to do this, I'd be threatening legal action as they are legally obliged to protect your sister, as was said by another poster.

At the end of the meeting, sum up what happened and what actions are to be taken out of it. Get all present to agree on this and sign it. You need a written record to show what the school said they'll do as they don't seem to be too good at this sort of thing.

If this course of action yields no results, I'd go to the Gardaí and report the assault that occurred in the school. We call it bullying when there are teenagers involved but it's harassment plain and simple.

Hope everything works out well and fair play to you. This is going to be one of those things that is going to have to be pushed, I think. Don't let it lie and, with a bit of pressure, hopefully it'll all be dealt with before it hurts your sister anymore.

bdr529

http://www.education.ie/en/Parents/Information/Complaints-Bullying-Child-Protection-Discrimination/

you should familiarise yourself with the dept of educations policies and guidlines for Bullying and child protection, and the proper complaints procedure. once a report of bullying has been lodged the school is obliged to take action and investigate
if you feel that your complaint is not being properly dealt with you can keep going up the chain, from teacher to principle to board of management and all the way up to the HSE-children & family services and the office of the ombudsman for children
I had to look into this a while ago when my nephew was having some trouble in school ... I found that the principle in my case sat up and started taking notice once he realised I knew what I was talking about and who I was going to go to next if nothing was done about it....
if you are going to show them the texts etc then make sure that you keep the origionals. make a few copies and ask that a copy be sent to the Board of management and the "school liason officer" the school liason officer is responsible for informing the HSE that a report of bullying/abuse has been lodged

the above link to the dept of education should give you all the info you need.

best of luck

LadyMayBelle

How did you get on OP?

Esoteric_

Sorry for the delay in responding to the thread, I've been a little busy this morning/afternoon.

I called this morning to arrange to see the principal or vice principal, to be told that both were unavailable for the next week. :eek:

However, the principal called me about 2 hours ago, apologising for not being available. She said that she read a letter I'd sent in a week ago, and was extremely sorry that my sister felt the way she does. She has said that she never meant to imply that my sister needed counselling, but to let her know that the teachers were there for her, and that the form tutor worded it completely incorrectly.

I pointed out that the 'counselling' issue was completely separate to the fact that they had completely ignored the fact that my sister is being bullied. She apologised again, asked what I wanted to be done to resolve the issue, and took everything I said on board. She promised to keep a close eye on the situation and monitor how the bullies are acting towards my sister, and then promised to call me sister to the office to let her know that she is there for her if anything is wrong.

Thanks so much for your advice everyone. It seems to have cleared up now, thankfully, but all the advice I was given was fantastic because it helped me to assert my sister's rights.

Charl0tte

LyndaMcL wrote: »

She apologised again, asked what I wanted to be done to resolve the issue, and took everything I said on board.

Am I reading this right?? do they not have a procedure if there are students being bullied? I find having to ask you what needs to be done a bit bizarre, and it doesn't surprise me how it's taken this long for the issue to be addressed if there is nobody steering the ship. The parents of these students should have been brought into the school by the principal. This needs a double-pronged attack from both the parents and the school. That aside, I feel so sorry for your poor sister. Everyday must be complete torture for her.

Esoteric_

Charl0tte wrote: »

Am I reading this right?? do they not have a procedure if there are students being bullied? I find having to ask you what needs to be done a bit bizarre, and it doesn't surprise me how it's taken this long for the issue to be addressed if there is nobody steering the ship. The parents of these students should have been brought into the school by the principal. This needs a double-pronged attack from both the parents and the school. That aside, I feel so sorry for your poor sister. Everyday must be complete torture for her.

Yeah, they said they'd sort it out and I cut across and pointed out that since their method of resolving it was to call all the bullies in to have a stand off with my sister, I wasn't happy with their methods, which is why they asked what I'd like to be done. Given the circumstances, I'm glad they offered and took my suggestions on board.

This was yesterday morning and she has had no hassle yesterday or today and when I picked her up this afternoon, she felt happy and relaxed for the first time since all this started.

Charl0tte

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Yeah, they said they'd sort it out and I cut across and pointed out that since their method of resolving it was to call all the bullies in to have a stand off with my sister, I wasn't happy with their methods, which is why they asked what I'd like to be done. Given the circumstances, I'm glad they offered and took my suggestions on board.

This was yesterday morning and she has had no hassle yesterday or today and when I picked her up this afternoon, she felt happy and relaxed for the first time since all this started.

The schools handling of the matter was appalling. But the main thing is your sister had had two good days, and I hope to god it stays that way. Do keep a close eye.

mfceiling

If there is a local Garda I would have a word with him/her.

They might have come across it before and might have some good pointers for you.

My daughters school have an older Garda who comes in 2-3 times a week - sometimes for a chat or safety issue and sometimes just keeps an eye on the school in general. The principal doesn't seem to mind and the kids are always happy to see him. It's given my girls the confidence to know they can approach a Garda if they are in trouble.

80s Child

You seem to be doing well here but make sure not to let the issue lie. These girls have put your sister through a lot and should be sanctioned accordingly. Our school has quite strict bullying policies and they are generally enforced to the nth degree, especially if physical abuse has occured.

Keep going!! And best of luck!

Esoteric_

Hi guys, bit of an update. My parents are home now. This is going to be a long update, apologies in advance.

My sister ended up in hospital with an extreme asthma attack, which her doctor has said was caused by stress. When my parents explained what had happened, she said the majority of the attack was brought on by stress, most likely what had happened in school, and offered a letter to verify this.

My parents went to the parent teacher meeting last night, my mother held off on going down until now as she's disabled and physically wasn't able to go before now as she was in and out of hospital.

There was a queue to see the form tutor, and she wanted to deal with the headmistress first anyway. She expressed what had happened, offered proof (the principal literally ignored that offer!). My mother asked what the school policy was on bullying, and was told 'Oh, well we usually bring them in together, because that way we can see who is right and who is wrong by the way they react, and occasionally we bring them in separaretly.' My mother pointed out that of course my sister would close up if pulled into a room with the bullies, out of fear. My mother said they had a legal obligation to protect my sister in the school and that my sister was absolutely not be pulled into a room with the bullies again and that the bullies should be dealt with separately. At first, the principal denied all knowledge of the bullying! When my mother (again) offered the evidence and pointed out that the headmistress had called me and obviously knew about it, the principal admitted she knew it.

My mother asked to speak to the form tutor in private and was told it wasn't possible unless she made an appointment, but my mother demanded to speak to her and resolve the situation that night. The principal refused again.

My sister told me that she would never report a bullying incident again, which my mother said to the principal, and the principal made absolutely no comment on it. She repeatedly tried to end the conversation, to the point of interrupting my mother and telling her to just go down to the queue for the form tutor, but my mother said that it wasn't private enough as the other parents could hear.

The conclusion was that the principal went down to the form tutor, while sending my mother to talk to the other teachers about my sister's subjects and results and such. When my mother came back, the principal spoken to the form tutor, and she had left. :mad:

My mother then tried to speak to the vice principal, but the principal rushed up and pulled the vice principal away. The one teacher that my sister trusts said my sister could talk to her about bullying, but she would still have to speak to the form tutor as she had to follow the complaints channel, but my sister was welcome to talk to her anytime about anything and that she was sorry but her hands were tied in the matter.

The bullying is still on-going, but the school are once again refusing to do anything about it. :mad: It's gotten to the point where my sister is genuinely ill because of this, having asthma attacks that are certified as being due to stress.

What would you guys recommend next? Board of management, or the Gardaí? It's gone way too far. The bullying stopped for a week or two, but it's gotten bad again and my sister is too scared to even go into school at this point, although my parents are of course are still sending her in.

McTigs

You've got to call the guards. Today.

The school are completely neglecting their responsibilities in the face of hard evidence. They are enabling the bullying of your sister and clearly have no proceedure for dealing with this nor any interest in developing one. It's shocking considering what has happened this year as a result of unbridled bullying.

They have a responsibility to your sister, they ignoring that responsibility and that is an offence which needs to be taken higher to people who will listen.

edellc

Put her into a different school, you can fight and fight and fight but if the school refuse to believe there is an issue then nothing will be done...do you really want your sister to be the next newspaper headline....move schools its easily done

bdr529

Hi

I am sorry to hear that this bullying is still ongoing. I previously posted a link to the Dept of Educations website with regards to their policy and procedures for dealing with bullying and child protection.
here is a more direct link with the complaints procedure.

http://www.education.ie/en/Parents/Information/Child-Protection/

it is important to follow the correct course of action and when they realise that you know what you are talking about they will start to take notice. you will have to make an appointment to see the school DLP (designated liason person) and they are obliged to notify both the Garda & HSE that a report of bullying has been lodged and they in turn are obliged to step in and investigate. you can of course go to both HSE and GS directly if the school fails to act appropriately , but you have to go the school first so that they can not claim ignorance.
it is also important to keep all records of meetings, who was present, who said what and what was expected to be done at the time, doctors reports etc. it is also very helpful to have evidence of the attacks...would it be possible for you to video from a distance or you sister to have a camera phone recording audio while its happening?

anyway, there is a system there for you to deal with this problem. it is important for all parents to be familiar with it ... in light of recent events it is important to deal with this quickly.

hope this helps
Bdr

Esoteric_

OctoberRain wrote: »

quote has been deleted.

Um, I've already stated in this thread that my parents are now home. I didn't realise that my parents taking a holiday was so unbelievable. I also didn't realise that a teenager being left in the care of two responsible adults (myself and my other sister) was a teen being left alone. Irresponsible and ignorant teachers happen.

If you actually read the thread and my responses to it, you might have understood my above points, but feel free to judge away. I'd like to point out that if you feel my thread is all lies or a false representation of what happened, there is a report button next to all of my posts where you can report it to a moderator. However, taking all of my other posts on boards into account, I'm not known to lie, I give helpful advice and information to people wherever possible, in areas that I have an idea of what I'm talking about, and I have never trolled on boards.

So please, either give the advice that was specifically asked for (ie, keep on topic), or report my post.

To the people who have responded, thank you. I've taken all the advice on board, given a copy of the posts here to my parents (my mum is a complete technophobe :pac: ) and will report back once things have gotten sorted. Very, very much appreciated!

chicamom

OctoberRain wrote: »

quote deleted.

Once again on this forum as soon as the "B" word ie bullying in schools comes up, the OP eventually gets called a liar, either explicitly or by implication!! At least OP you were able to get some really good , solid and helpful advice on how to proceed before the "undercover" teacher tried to put you in the bold corner! I hope you and your sister and whole family can find a solution and eventually heal the deep wounds caused by this scourge that is bullying. It's a tough road ahead and uphill all the way, lots of people will try to discredit what you say because they feel powerless to help you and are in denial. Sometimes it feels like they just don't want to know and want to brush it all under the nearest carpet. I for one wish you all the luck. Keep at it you're doing a great thing protecting your sister, you should be proud of yourself.

Morag

Talking to the school only does so much.
Sending letters which have to be entered into the official documentation of the school and leaves a paper trail is far better.

Your parents need to daft up a letter, addressed to the principal with all the time and dates the school has been so far contacted about this issue. Time date type of contact and all the meetings. Put them all in.

Out line in the letter what has been happening to your sister and the effects on her.
List incidents, what, where, when, who was involved, if your sister is up to it get her to write it up and sign it.

State in the letter that your parent are unhappy with how this has been dealt with and that your sister is not to be taken into meetings with the bullies.

Formally request a copy of the schools anti bullying policy.

State that you are sending a copy of the letter to the board of management.
Hand a copy of the letter to the school principal in person.


See if you can get your sister to keep a diary, that every day she comes home she writes down what happened and how she felt or she tells you or or parent and you keep a record of it.

Don't let them fob you off, letters to the school make it official in a way they can't ignore and it's a paper trail.

Wurly

At this stage, I would seek legal advice.

And at the risk of a stereotypical Irish response, I would call Joe Duffy also.

edellc

move schools, yet another young person was buried this week thanks to bullies and again the school did nothing, my sister would be worth more to me than having some fight that your never going to win with the principle. In an ideal world yes they should acknowledge what is happening and yes they should have proper rules set in place to deal with it but they dont seem to, so continue being the martyr with your sister living a nightmare or do the simple thing and move schools then at least she can maybe have some nice memories of her childhood in later life rather than secondary school being horrific (thats if she gets to adulthood)

RainyDay

Sharrow wrote: »

Formally request a copy of the schools anti bullying policy.

This is a very important step, given the Principal's strange comments about the school's approach of getting them all together. Look for the policy, and see if they have been sticking to their own policy. I guess they haven't.

Sharrow wrote: »

State that you are sending a copy of the letter to the board of management.
Hand a copy of the letter to the school principal in person.

Also, speak to the two parents nominees on the Board of Management. Make sure they know what is going on, so that they be prepared when the issue comes up, or they can be prepared to make sure that the issue comes up.

Esoteric_

Thank you very much, everyone.

My parents have written a letter (registered post, of course) formally requesting a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy, as the principal wouldn't give the parents one when asked verbally.

They're waiting to get a copy of that, then writing to the Board of Management, AFAIK.

If anything else transpires, or if this has a happy ending (hopefully!), I'll report back. Again, thank you all so much.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

Usually the anti bullying policy is on the school website or in the students homework journal.

Esoteric_

Isabella Weak Cheek wrote: »

Usually the anti bullying policy is on the school website or in the students homework journal.

Yeah, that's what I thought, but we can't find it in either, which I found a little odd.

LadyMayBelle

I am so saddened reading your last post LyndaMcL, I havent checked this thread in a while. Im truly apalled that your poor sister is going through what sounds like hell. Do seek a report from the GP/Hospital that states her her asthma attack was brought on by AVOIDABLE stress. What child deserves such treatment. Id follow it up, but get her out of that school and to somewhere who listens to her and doesnt tolerate bullying.