Hen abroad-friends booked flights for hen without me!

doireann08

Hi All

Don't know if I am being overly sensitive about this,but my friend Sue is getting married in a few months and is having her hen in Manchester over Paddys weekend.

I have posted about Sue before, as Ihave known her for 10 years and we have grown apart as she wasn't really there for me when I was going through a rough time a few months ago.I have been there for her when she needed me over the last few years.

However I feel the friendship is one-sided.Since she met her fiancee,she nAever initiates contact or invites me to anything.

I introduced her to her fiancee.Anyway,she was planning to have her hen in Manchester. I got a text from her yesterday,saying that she and other hens have already booked their flights,she gave me the details and told me to go ahead and book. When I went online to check the flights were gone!!.I am annoyed that she didn't contact me earlier when they were all booking their flights.

I am aware that I could be over reacting, and I would agree....if this were an isolated incident. I am good friends with one of the bridesmaids..and I never heard from her about the flights.

A few months ago,some of our mutual friends were coming to Dublin.The plan was some would stay in Sue's house and some would stay in mine. Sue then changed the plan and invited them all to stay with her. The issue I had was that no-one told me until the day before when I was confirming who was staying.

I am now concerned that they will do the same when booking hotel rooms-they will all pair up and not include me. This is hurtful,considering I know 2 of the hen party very well(one who is bridesmaid) and would have considered them close friends.Am I right to feel hurt -?

Ellsbells

Why would you even consider going? Keep your monèy in your pocket and treat yourself to a nice weekend somewhere else.

stargazer 68

Ellsbells wrote: »

Why would you even consider going? Keep your monèy in your pocket and treat yourself to a nice weekend somewhere else.

I have to agree. Sod them and treat yourself to something nice that you will enjoy!

wendyhouse86

Not a hope, nobody needs friends to make you feel like that

Sinall

I'm not surprised you feel stung and a bit excluded OP. It sounds like she's willing to rely on you when she needs something - like having people stay in your house - but not including you properly in various activities, which must hurt. Take a step back and stop trying with her for a while. It might be that when you aren't making the effort she makes more of an effort, or it could be that it comes clear to you that she isn't invested in the friendship anymore.

Opt out of the hen, just send a breezy text/email saying "What a pity, the flights are all gone. Shame I didn't know earlier but have a great time!"

Then spoil yourself that weekend and spend time with people who love you! It doesn't sound like you'd enjoy the hen anyway with that carry-on.

pauldoo

Sinall wrote: »

I'm not surprised you feel stung and a bit excluded OP. It sounds like she's willing to rely on you when she needs something - like having people stay in your house - but not including you properly in various activities, which must hurt. Take a step back and stop trying with her for a while. It might be that when you aren't making the effort she makes more of an effort, or it could be that it comes clear to you that she isn't invested in the friendship anymore.

Opt out of the hen, just send a breezy text/email saying "What a pity, the flights are all gone. Shame I didn't know earlier but have a great time!"

Then spoil yourself that weekend and spend time with people who love you! It doesn't sound like you'd enjoy the hen anyway with that carry-on.

i would go with this one, i woudlnt put up with that, teach her a lesson and dont go

iguana

OP, let me know if you would prefer to move this thread to personal issues. It's fine to leave it here if you want, but you might get more answers in personal issues.

ABajaninCork

The others are right. This girl ain't no friend. I remember reading your other threads about her.

Why are you investing so much time and emotion on someone who clearly doesn't give a sh!t about you? I wouldn't even bother to answer her. I would keep my money right where it is and stay in my house.

Cut those girls out like a card. No contact, no begging, pleading or else. You should never be so desperate for friends that you have to put up with crap like that. Get you some real friends who treat you with respect.

doireann08

thanks everyone

Really appreciate your replies.I guess I needed some outside perspective on this.I was thinking of not going to hen, but I wasn't sure if I was being too harsh.

It is hard to cut people out of your life and I shouldn't allow this group to make me feel like this. I haven't responded to Sue's text nor have I heard from her.The other two girls who are mutual friends are obviously staying in Sue's house before flying out as they live in Cork.

I forgot to tell you that one of the bridesmaids,Laura,treated me horribly in the past. Her father essentially berated me in front of everyone at his sons wedding( I was invited to afters by the son). His father was locked. I wanted to leave, but I was sharing a room with Sue. I was left leave on my own while Sue didn't even care if I was OK.

Laura was not there for Sue in the past, I was..anyway the way Sue told me that Laura was one of the bridesmaids was cruel.She told me 3 weeks ago when me and the 2 other mutual friends were out.It was about 3 in the morning and she got one of the other bridesmaids to tell me. They had known for months. I wasn't expecting to be asked nor is that the issue - she can ask who she likes.It is the cruel way she told me.


Anyway I won't bore you with any more details of how she has treated me..How should I tell her I am not going to hen and should I go to wedding?

Mods, please move to PI, if more appropriate there

ABajaninCork

doireann08 wrote: »

thanks everyone

Really appreciate your replies.I guess I needed some outside perspective on this.I was thinking of not going to hen, but I wasn't sure if I was being too harsh.

It is hard to cut people out of your life and I shouldn't allow this group to make me feel like this. I haven't responded to Sue's text nor have I heard from her.The other two girls who are mutual friends are obviously staying in Sue's house before flying out as they live in Cork.

I forgot to tell you that one of the bridesmaids,Laura,treated me horribly in the past. Her father essentially berated me in front of everyone at his sons wedding( I was invited to afters by the son). His father was locked. I wanted to leave, but I was sharing a room with Sue. I was left leave on my own while Sue didn't even care if I was OK.

Laura was not there for Sue in the past, I was..anyway the way Sue told me that Laura was one of the bridesmaids was cruel.She told me 3 weeks ago when me and the 2 other mutual friends were out.It was about 3 in the morning and she got one of the other bridesmaids to tell me. They had known for months. I wasn't expecting to be asked nor is that the issue - she can ask who she likes.It is the cruel way she told me.


Anyway I won't bore you with any more details of how she has treated me..How should I tell her I am not going to hen and should I go to wedding?

Mods, please move to PI, if more appropriate there

Simple. You don't. You owe these people nothing. Just ignore and move on.

movingsucks

Contact one or both of the girls who you consider(ed) yourself good friends with and ask "what's the story with this hen night crack and hotels etc". If you want to go on this thing then get proactive and include yourself! If they're all cagey and weird and you're gonna have to shell out for a room by yourself and arrive when they're already falling around the place drunk then I'd echo all of the above and just not bother going. Or bring a different friend and do your own thing for half the time.
The bridesmaids are usually ( but not always) the ones who organise these things so I wouldn't fully blame "Sue" just yet although she sounds like a bit of a mare anyway.
Good luck whatever ya choose To do

Edit: whoops just saw reply.

iguana

Moved from Weddings, Marriage and Civil Partnerships.

Stavro Mueller

OP. Sometimes it helps to take a step back and try to evaluate what is really going on. I should also point out that just because you've been friends for x number of years means feck all when it comes to how things are now. I've not seen your other threads but what you have written here suggests very very strongly to me that some of these people are not your friends. Maybe they were at some stage in the past but certainly, they are not now.

When it comes to your "friend" Sue, all I can say is "Wake up and smell the coffee". So what if you have been there for her? That's all well and good but what about the friendshippy stuff coming back in the other direction? She wasn't there for you when you needed help which isn't a good sign. Then you say she doesn't invite you to anything any more and doesn't initiate contact. More red flags here. What do you think would happen if you never bothered to ring or text again? Thats right - friendship would fizzle out very quickly. Which in itself should tell you something.

Then we get onto the hen. Now to me this looks like something that was concocted to make sure you didn't go. Don't fool yourself for one moment into thinking that your name didn't show up on some list and got struck off. These people didn't just "forget" about you. For some reason you were shunted to one side and only told when it was too late that you could come.

I'm sorry you've been treated in this way but you need to take a very long hard look at your relationships with some of these so-called friends of yours. I hope you have other friends in your life because trying to keep in with this lot is going to break your heart. I'm sorry to say this hun but they don't like you for some reason. Otherwise they'd be including you in their activities and they'd be nice to you. That ain't happening from what I can see.

Don't even bother to contact these people again. All it is doing is making you come across as needy and as a nuisance. I don't want to be harsh again here but honestly, I don't thing one of them would give a rat's arse if you don't show up to the wedding. You care far more about them than they do about you.

LegacyUser

OP, all you need to say is "Ah I'm so disappointed, I went online as soon as you told me the details, only to find the flight was completely booked! "
Leave a silence& await her response. She may suggest you fly in to Liverpool& get the train from there, or go with a different airline, or from a different airport here that's out of your way.
To which you reply "I'd really love to go, but part and parcel of the whole hen weekend is the craic& everyone travelling together, it just wouldn't be the same going on a flight on my own there and back"
And politely but firmly refuse to go, insisting that it's ok, these things happen, you'd have loved to have gone, but as you can't you'll look forward to the wedding even more.
Go to the wedding, hold your head up high, but don't go overboard on the present

LegacyUser

Sue is selfish. You were there for her in the past and she was not there for you when you were going through a bad time.
You have also also told us that she never contacts you or invites you to anything.
You have now discovered that the flights you needed to get to the hen party are booked out. I am sure the other girls have flights and rooms booked. I would say what happened is that they made arrangements and one of the other woman in the group said what about you?
Sue then rings you at the last minute and at that stage it was to late to make plans.

I would not go to this hen party after the way she has treated you. She would not be getting married if you did not introduce her to him. You should have been the 1st person she contacted about the hen party and not the last. Just because your in a serious relationship it means that you don't forget your friends. If she was a proper friend she would be keeping in contact you and going out with you an odd night.

I would not be going to this hen party or the wedding. Why should you give up your free time and spend a lot of money on a hen party, wedding outfit and wedding present when she won't even keep in contact with you.

LegacyUser

OP I wouldn't say anything to them. If they do contact about the hen I'd tell them all the flights were full by the time you got the details for the weekend so you couldnt make it and leave it at that. Don't get dragged into slagging match or any pointless drama, be polite but just start to move on with your life. As for the wedding itself I wouldn't bother but again just avoid getting into it with her or any of the others. Don't drag drama down on yourself you don't need it. If the bride asks you directly regarding wedding tell her you can't make it but hope the days goes well for her and just move on. Seriously life is to short to get dragged down by crap like this.

smile x

Hey, If sue says anything, you could say "Ive being so busy lately i haven't had time to look up flights" otherwise I wouldn't tell her that your not going to the hen. Let her join the dots..
If your still unsure about what to do imagine a friend has came to you with the same senario, what would your advice be..

Fluorescence

Don't bother informing her (or anyone). Simply don't turn up, don't bother contacting them again and don't feel you have to justify this to yourself or anyone else.

username123

Dont go and dont bother telling them. Just move on.
These people are not your friends.

aidan24326

OP, cymbaline is right. You being sidelined doesn't seem like something that just happened by accident it looks like it was either engineered that way or at the very least no-one actually cared enough to bother including you in the process. They then sent you a half-hearted, belated 'invite' just to save face.

This Sue girl doesn't appear to want you in her life anymore (why else would you be excluded like this?) and more than likely invited you to the wedding only as she felt she ought to given past history etc.

To be honest I doubt she'll be too bothered if you don't go so don't waste your time and money and don't waste too much more of your energy on these so-called friends.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't bother with lying about the flight being full.

Just ignore them and forget the whole thing. They sound like morons of the highest order.

If they ring you later, just tell the truth, that you didn't fancy it.

woodchuck

I think you need to get some new friends From the sounds of it, I wouldn't be surprised if they waited until they knew the flight was booked out to tell you about it. They don't want you there. DON'T go. Personally I'd still be polite about it and just send a text, but then you need to let these 'friendships' fizzle out.

movingsucks

I don't think there was an orchestrated attempt to exclude the OP (based on the limited info) why would Sue even bother texting her the info then? I would say it was just thoughtlessness rather than "lets not tell her until we know the flight is booked out" .

To the OP I don't think these people are the friends you want them to be and they never will be at this point. You can either approach the bridesmaid and your friend and ask whats going on or just back off and leave them at it. Still be nice if you see them on a night out or whatever but don't expect anything from them.
I'd text Sue back and just say "ah those flights are booked out but sure maybe I'll sort something closer to the time". Be aloof. Do you really want to spend a weekend in the company of Laura anyway, and Sue for that matter. And if you do God only knows what will be going on by Paddys weekend anyway.
I wouldn't say anything about the wedding either, I'm assuming thats a good 6-7 months away right? Has she actually sent out invites yet?

rainbowtrout

movingsucks wrote: »

I don't think there was an orchestrated attempt to exclude the OP (based on the limited info) why would Sue even bother texting her the info then? I would say it was just thoughtlessness rather than "lets not tell her until we know the flight is booked out" .

To the OP I don't think these people are the friends you want them to be and they never will be at this point. You can either approach the bridesmaid and your friend and ask whats going on or just back off and leave them at it. Still be nice if you see them on a night out or whatever but don't expect anything from them.
I'd text Sue back and just say "ah those flights are booked out but sure maybe I'll sort something closer to the time". Be aloof. Do you really want to spend a weekend in the company of Laura anyway, and Sue for that matter. And if you do God only knows what will be going on by Paddys weekend anyway.
I wouldn't say anything about the wedding either, I'm assuming thats a good 6-7 months away right? Has she actually sent out invites yet?

Personally I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of thinking I still wanted to go to the hen with them. It would sound a bit needy and desperate.


I'd agree with Fluorescence. Don't bother contacting Sue at all. If she gets back in contact to confirm if you are going on or I'd just say 'Didn't hear about the hen travel plans when everyone else did, so it's now not possible to book to travel with the group'.

Tipperary animal lover

Jesus op you most have more "friends" that this crowd, I wouldn't be contacting her wait till/if she comes back to you and tell her you were to late to book the flights as its full now, I'd start to faze them out of your life every time you seem to meet up with them your hurt in some way.....

Merkin

I think every genuine friendship is based on give and take and of course mutual respect. I think these people have been really vile to you and you're going to save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run by realising they are not genuine friends and just cutting them out of your life tbh. Don't complain, don't explain - just don't turn up at the hen and if asked say you couldn't make it.

Payton

These people are your "friends" ? To be honest if it were me I'd cut them out of my life. You don't need to be treated like that by either of them or their family members.
I wouldn't reply about the flights, I wouldn't bother going to the wedding as all you'll probably get a blow by blow account on how they "had a great time" on the hens, plus if your friend Laura's lovely father shows up??
As others have said treat yourself that weekend, its not about her its about you.
I think its time to re-evaluate your friends list as some of them and their family members seem very nasty.

DeltaWhite

OP this thread has stayed with me since I first read it the other day I just feel awful for you, I cant believe people can be so nasty! I always felt that a lot of women are unecessary c*nts for no reason - and this applies to your one Sue.. the cheek of her!
She doesnt care enough about you to tell you the plans for travel etc.. and everyone else has said exactly what I feel you should do!
I really hope you arent too upset/hurt over this, even though you have every right to be - you shouldnt waste anguish and tears for a pack of oul bitches like those "friends".

Payton

DeltaWhite wrote: »

OP this thread has stayed with me since I first read it the other day I just feel awful for you, I cant believe people can be so nasty! I always felt that a lot of women are unecessary c*nts for no reason - and this applies to your one Sue.. the cheek of her!
She doesnt care enough about you to tell you the plans for travel etc.. and everyone else has said exactly what I feel you should do!
I really hope you arent too upset/hurt over this, even though you have every right to be - you shouldnt waste anguish and tears for a pack of oul bitches like those "friends".

Without dragging the thread of the topic, do you have to be so graphic in your view of women?. As a male I find your remarks offensive.

Big Bag of Chips

DeltaWhite, broad generalisations offer no help or advice to the OP. Also posts in Personal Issues are expected to be kept civil.

Have another read of The Personal Issues Charter before you post again so that you are aware of the etiquette of this Forum and make sure you stick to it. Each Forum here on Boards.ie has it's own set of rules, and what might be acceptable in another Forum will get you a warning (or a ban!) here.

Payton, regardless of saying "without dragging the thread off topic" commenting on another poster's post without offering advice is infact 'dragging the thread off topic'. If you have an issue with a post report it. A moderator will see it in due course. Please be patient, if you don't see an immediate response.

If you have an issue with a Mod request please use the PM facililty to address it. Do not post on thread, as this is considered off topic posting.

Thanks,
Big Bag of Chips.

Idle Passerby

movingsucks wrote: »

Contact one or both of the girls who you consider(ed) yourself good friends with and ask "what's the story with this hen night crack and hotels etc". If you want to go on this thing then get proactive and include yourself! If they're all cagey and weird and you're gonna have to shell out for a room by yourself and arrive when they're already falling around the place drunk .

This just reminded me of the part in Muriels wedding where Muriel tags along on holiday with the gang of b1thces and they ignore and make fun of her the whole time.

angeline

OP I know exactly how you feel having been excluded from a so called friend's wedding myself. Was very upset at the time. There had been a loss of contact but I was always there for her if she needed me. Now, I've wished her the best in life and mentally put her in a box and put it to one side. And I feel much better now and it's her loss at the end of the day. I was the one she came crying to.

movingsucks

Idle Passerby wrote: »

This just reminded me of the part in Muriels wedding where Muriel tags along on holiday with the gang of b1thces and they ignore and make fun of her the whole time.

And then she meets her bestest friend ever!

Anyway I gave my advice based on a scenario where the Op actually wants to go . She's since said she doesn't want to go anyway. Why she wanted to be included on this trip given the catalogue of grievences Sue and Laura have inflicted on her is beyond me.
And I don't get why they'd tell her at all about the flights if they didn't want her to come especially seeing as it's not until March!! Why start a drama out of spite? Are people that sad with nothing better to do?

doireann08

movingsucks wrote: »

And then she meets her bestest friend ever!

Anyway I gave my advice based on a scenario where the Op actually wants to go . She's since said she doesn't want to go anyway. Why she wanted to be included on this trip given the catalogue of grievences Sue and Laura have inflicted on her is beyond me.
And I don't get why they'd tell her at all about the flights if they didn't want her to come especially seeing as it's not until March!! Why start a drama out of spite? Are people that sad with nothing better to do?

Thanks everyone for replying. Wow I have really got a wake up call after seeing your replies. I couldn't reply sooner as all of your replies struck a chord with me and I guess I was quite upset thinking about this over the last few days.

While I don't think Sue and our two mutual friends don't want me to go to hen or deliberately left it so late to tell me about their plans, I do think that

- I was an afterthought, I wasn't important enough to be called when they all made their plans. All I got was a text from Sue. I place more value on our friendship than they do
-Everytime we meet, they upset me
-I need to make more friends and surround myself with people who actually care about me

username123

doireann08 wrote: »

I place more value on our friendship than they do
-Everytime we meet, they upset me

Correct and correct. And the reason they upset you all the time is because you expect them to treat you the way you would treat someone you cared about - and they dont.

The really important thing to remember here is that you cannot change anyone elses behaviour, only your own. You have an expectation of how you wish to be treated, and how much you value a friendship. So do not have people in your life who do not treat you as you wish and who let you down in your expectations. Be realistic in your expectations too though.

A wise man once told me, sometimes people are just eejits, and thats that.

Stavro Mueller

+1. And don't make the mistake of thinking they are your friends. They're not. At best they're acquaintances who let you play at the big girls' table at times when it suits them. Though that doesn't explain/excuse the times when they've been cruel to you. I personally think you're still being a bit too charitable to them but then I don't know these people. Thank heavens!!

doireann08

just got a another text from sue saying that laura, other bridesmaids, and her family, fiancee are meeting for drinks and dinner tomorrow night
and did i want to go..... no mention of hen and flights

ABajaninCork

I think you're overthinking this. As another poster mentioned, they're just throwing you the odd bone...

It's up to you, but I would make my excuses and not go. I wouldn't ask about the hen either. They've made their position perfectly clear. As you need to do now.

The Cool

OP - You deserve better, end of.

Stavro Mueller

This could be cynical old me wearing the tin hat again but I wonder is your invitation at short notice to make up the numbers? In my experience, a table for a meal on a Saturday night usually has to be booked in advance. I wonder when the others knew about this get-together? Of course it could all be perfectly innocent but it does make me wonder...Anyway it's your decision.

dellas1979

I would go to the dinner, but I'd go there with an alteriour motive. I'd be playing them at their own game, see if its a wake up call. You are being too nice about this. Stand up for yourself! Dont be scared to be a little more assertive. Sounds like people see you as a bit of an easy target, than the nice person that you are. There is a fine line. It sounds like they think "Ah shur X wont mind". The reality is "X does mind" and X has a voice/opinion too.

IMO, youve got nothing to loose now anyways, as they are already excluding you, so I would just ask a pure honest, light and breezy, no nonsense question to the two girls, to their faces and say it with a smile "Why didnt you include me on the flight/hotel list with everyone, because the flights are all full now".

See what the response is, but dont say anymore than that, maybe just an "ok" (with a smile-smiles are very important in these situations). Points out a) that you were excluded and b) that because of their tom foolery, you cant get there.

But look, to be honest, if that is the way you have to act with your "friends",
they are not your friends. It is better to have one or two good friends, rather than a group that couldnt careless.

doireann08

Thanks everyone. I have made my excuses and am not going to the dinner

The bridesmaids,Sue and Sue's mother are spending the day today looking for dresses, I assume bridemaids dresses. I really don't want to sit through dinner and drinks with the and listen to waffle about dresses. Not sure where they are going for dinner. I would imagine they had already booked the dinner a few days ago.

One of our mutual friends, Mary is travelling up from Cork ( Mary is one of the bridesmaids). I would have considered Mary a good friend, but again,the first I hear about her coming today is from Sue's text. Laura is bringing one of her friends to the meal and Sues fiance is also going with his sisters.

I spoke to one of my really good friends about the situation and she told me a few home truths...She said that I needed to toughen up, that I was too soft, and that I needed to have more respect for myself. And also that Sue's behaviour towards me isn't going to change and to think of Sue as an acquaintance.

I know I probably come across as overthinking the whole thing. Its just that I have been going through a really rough time with family and I could really use support and not be treated as an afterthought

dellas1979

I think your friend is right.

To go out with/arse around etc you would have moreso acquaintenances, and maybe a couple of not so close friends. Seems like this is what sue and the others are.

But then you have your real friends, like the friend you were talking to. You dont see them all the time, you mightnt even talk to them everyday, but you know they are there.

I think the "living in eachother pockets" of a group is false friendship anyways. Its like having 100s of friends you dont know on fb-but you still have 100s of friends on your list!

But most people want to be in a group/feel part of a group. To me, its some kind of insecurity to cover up not being ok on your own-individualistic! I would by far choose to be friends with someone on their own, than trying to be part of, or trying to fit into a group. Its far more rewarding in the long run.

kob29

You got invited to that dinner so they could regale you with tales of dress shopping that you were excluded from. Good on you for not going and getting a grip on the situation with the salem witch tribe.

Wouldnt go near the hen, id be gone shopping for the weekend with the cash.

If you do feel the need to get her a wedding present Id be on ebay getting a set of hideous dinner plates to have delivered the day before the wedding...imagine how much the image of a blue ornamental patterned plate would enrage the bride through the whole day long.

ABajaninCork

LOL kob29! Are you my evil twin? That's the way I think...

doireann08

kob29 wrote: »

ne shopping for the weekend with the cash.

If you do feel the need to get her a wedding present Id be on ebay getting a set of hideous dinner plates to have delivered the day before the wedding...imagine how much the image of a blue ornamental patterned plate would enrage the bride through the whole day long.

hilarious!! like the way you think!!

otto_26

OP The worst thing you can do is make a big deal out of it, I know a lot of women who tell me stories like yours and when they are told a few home truths they just can't let it go.

They will for example like your dinner situation give a really lame excuse to try to get the girls attention to the fact that they feel left out. Give proper excuses and be fine with them when you meet them. Accept the home truths and move on.

When they finally do mention the hen to you just explain you couldn't get a flight cause they were all booked out but mention you would loved to have gone.

Go to the wedding be fine with everyone and the next day move on and meet people that deserve your company. But must importantly don't make a big deal about hen or anything else and finally just let it go. Hard to do but if you really are serious and taking in the home truths that's what ya need to do.

Best of luck

Tipperary animal lover

doireann08 wrote: »

hilarious!! like the way you think!!

Hi doireann08, how's the "hens party" arrangements going!!!!

doireann08

Tipperary animal lover wrote: »

Hi doireann08, how's the "hens party" arrangements going!!!!

Haven't heard anything from them about the hen. Haven't booked the flights yet.

Taltos

Tipperary animal lover - please read our charter before posting again. Asking an OP for an update is not done here.

Thanks
Taltos

LegacyUser

kob29 wrote: »

If you do feel the need to get her a wedding present Id be on ebay getting a set of hideous dinner plates to have delivered the day before the wedding...

If you're gonna go down that road get her a hideous gift that she can't return or sell on. Like an ugly punchbowl with the couple's full names and wedding date engraved on it.